How to bring more love into your life — and into the world.

This is the week we are surrounded with messages about love — and flowers, sweets, date-nights, gifts, cards, and romance.

Now, I am always delighted to receive a bouquet of flowers and spend a romantic evening with my amazing husband. And I am delighted to shower those I love with expressions of affection.

But I think about love more broadly, and more frequently, than on Valentine’s Day and birthdays and anniversaries.

And I know that when you actively bring more focus on love into your life, big things happen.

In fact, there's a chapter in my new book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, titled LOVE MORE. Some of what I write about may surprise you, and that chapter includes some wonderful ways to think about and bring more love into your life.

One special way to begin to love more is to practice self-love.

I have written about self-love in Februaries past.

Check out what self-love is and how to bring more of it into your life. And, this post expands on the benefits of practicing self-love. 

Why not see what happens in your life when you make a small effort to focus on self-love?

Is it hard to build self-love? No, if you consciously focus on it.

Can you start small? Yes!

If you are looking for a small act of self-love that can you practice today, think about how you can do something special for yourself.

Here are a few ideas to consider:

• Take a short break in your hectic day to be in quiet for a few minutes. Looking up at the sky makes those few minutes even more special.

• Stop to briefly sit and savor a lovely thought.

• Gently (and with love) say, “No,” to someone who makes a request that will add stress to your life.

Doing small things, and doing them often will build your self-love muscles.

As I have experienced — and as I see the impact for my clients when they practice self-love — great things happen when you consciously nurture self-love. 

Robust self-love will not only make you happier, you will find that you can bring more love of every kind into your life and into the lives of others around you in remarkable ways. And when that happens, more love will come to you.

And, most exciting of all is that when you love more, the magnificent impact of love grows all around you. Goodness knows, the world is in need of more love now than ever before.

Let’s all love more!

Together we can begin to expand the power of love all around us.

Are you in?

f you said, “Yes!” here’s how we can start together.

Write a short loving note to someone. It could be to a sweetheart, a child, a friend, or even to someone with whom there's been a rift in the relationship. Whether you choose to write by hand on note paper, or pick a card to write in, or send a note via email, you will contribute to a beautiful collective energy that we are creating together!

What do you yearn to bring into your life, or into the world?

If you have been following the flurry of activity surrounding the launch of my new book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, you are aware of what a big effort has gone into the project.

The journey from first starting to write the book, to having it designed, to sending it off to be printed, to holding my first advance copy, and to the livestream launch party on Thursday evening last week, has called for a lot of commitment over more than 4 years. 

Many people have asked me how I did it. The answer is that bringing this book into the world was big and important to me. 

I truly believe in the power of creativity to help us all live our biggest and best lives — and my mission is to start a Creative Movement! 

I did not have that huge vision when I first started to write the book, but in time I realized that through the book I could spread the word about the ways we can all learn to live ever-expanding, big authentic lives. And I wanted the news to reach and impact people far and wide. 

Why? 

Because every day I see the way that embracing and living all of your greatness ripples out to make families better, workplaces better, communities better, and ultimately — especially if enough of us bring this work into our lives — to make the world better.

Yes, that's a BIG idea! I truly believe it is possible. And while I could say to myself that the book is now available, so I’ve done it all, I am committed to continuing to build the movement.

Is there something in your life that you feel is important to pursue? 

Is it something you believe can make a difference? 
Is it something worth sticking with rather than allowing it to peter out?
Things that often stop people who have an idea, include:

• Fatigue

• A busy life

• A lack of believing in your ability to do it — whether that’s because the idea is so big, or because it feels too hard to make it real 

• Feeling it's not really important enough, or it’s too small, and thus not worth the commitment and effort. 

If any of that resonates for you, I urge you to take a closer look. Reconsider. Because when something lights up your heart — even if it starts with a just small flicker — it's worth paying attention.

Your focus may touch only you or a small number of people. Maybe you want to mend a family rift. Maybe you want to make a change that will impact your neighbors or the local school. Maybe you want to start a creative practice of some kind, for your own personal satisfaction.

These, as well as big audacious ambitions, are all important! 

I urge you to start.

Dream. Explore. Test. Let it evolve and change if it needs to. 

And if you feel it's on track, stick with it! Even when life interferes and there are interruptions (as there always will be), keep the flame alive and let it grow!

Because even things we see as having a small impact will have a ripple effect. And ripples can go wide — so wide that we often do not ever know all the ways those ripples move into the world.

Thank you for bringing your gifts, and ideas, and dreams into the world. We need all of that genius and goodness! 

And, if I can help, let’s talk. I could not have brought my vision to fruition without support. I would be honored to help you.

This is the time to get choosey

Have you started the year with lots of ideas and excitement? Have you set goals, made resolutions, and maybe chosen a word of the year for yourself — feeling determined to fully stick to your intentions this year?

That’s great — because most people chose to live the same year over and over. So, you’ve made a terrific start!

But even when you have focused on your goal, or resolution, or guiding word, once you get moving to making it real things tend to expand. 

When you want to really live into your word for the year, many ideas come to mind. When you get serious about your resolution or goal, many options and possibilities appear for ways to move forward.

And, it's easy to get overwhelmed. 

It’s also easy to get splattered, and do a bit of this and a bit of that until frustration sets in, because you don’t feel you’re making real headway.

And that’s the point at which lots of wonderful intentions fall by the wayside.

The secret to avoiding the typical loss of motivation is to narrow your focus.

That’s right — it’s time to get very choosey about what you make your focus and how you go after it. Because trying to tackle too much at the same time puts you at risk of failing to do the thing you really want.

For example, if your word for 2020 is Expand, there are many possible ways to bring expansion into your life. Where can you focus now, so you feel you expand in the way that is most meaningful for you? 

Will you expand your networking efforts to build new relationships? Will you expand your business model to include new services? Will you expand your knowledge and take a course? Will you expand your cultural experiences by going to lots of concerts and museums? 

While all of these may be calling out for top billing, each will entail a lot of energy, time and attention. By choosing the focal point that is most important to you now, you will make significant progress and your excitement about the results will carry you into the next area you make your focus as you move through the year. (Or, you may decide to table some of your early ideas, to go deeper and make the most of the ones you started with.)

Here’s another example. Perhaps you resolved to get more organized and you are thinking about all the clutter in your house. The kitchen pantry, your closets, the overflowing attic, and more may all need attention. The key is to get focused and start start small! Tackle one small part of the one room you most want to declutter. It may be a messy drawer you are tired of tolerating, or the corner of one room. You will feel great about the impact and more energized to continue.

And, if you do find you’ve lost momentum — hey, you are human — take a look at what you have chosen and decide if that’s the focus you want to get back to. If so, start anew, maybe with a shift in approach. Or, if there’s something else that may be more satisfying, realize you may not have hit on the perfect choice right away. Start fresh and get back into taking action.

Right now, I am choosing to focus on a powerful launch for my book, Live Big. There are many other ways I intend to live into the idea of Powerful — my word of the year for 2020 — but having one clear way to live into it now is incredibly satisfying. (I will be able to announce the launch date soon!)

Leave a comment and let me know what your big theme or goal or resolution is for 2020, and how you are choosing to narrow your focus to start.

And, if I can help you to live your biggest life this year, drop me an email and we can make a date for a conversation to talk about what’s getting in the way for you, and the path to making your dream a reality. 

Have you chosen a word to inspire and guide your year?

If you’ve been reading my Big Ideas in January’s past, you may recall that I choose a Word of the Year as I step into each new year. Choosing a guiding word, that can be a theme for you, can inspire you, and can serve as a filter for everything you chose in your life, is a remarkable tool. 

One of the reasons I love this practice at the start of the year is that it requires me to slow down and think clearly about the year I want to create. I think about who I need to be to do that. I consider the key word that will support me over the coming 12 months.

The seemingly simple idea of choosing a guiding word has had a tremendous impact for me in each of the years I have used the practice.

That's why I urge my coaching clients to choose a word for themselves each January. And, at my January IgNight Creative Evening this week, each of the women who join me will create a collage focused on the Word of the Year they’ve each chosen. The gorgeous pieces they have created in the past have anchored them to their word and have inspired and delighted them throughout the year. I can’t wait to see what they each choose, and what they each create, this year.

Are you ready to choose your word for 2020?

If this is a new idea for you, or if you want a reminder about my process for choosing your word, check out this blog post where I walk you through my steps for choosing your Word of the Year.

And, last year I wrote another post that expands on what it means to stay true to your intentions as you choose your word. Read it here.

What comes next?

I am a big believer in the power of visual reminders, and the inspiration that follows. Even if you choose a word with care, day-to-day life gets busy and it’s likely that your word, and all it represents, will slip from your mind.

Open a file and type your word in large bold letters. You may want to add some additional points underneath, about the ways you want your word to apply to your life. (I included examples about that for the words I chose in the blog posts linked above.) 

Print out your page and post it where you will see it each day. I have mine on the pinboard in my office. Each time I see it I listen to what my word is calling me to do. I ask myself if the choices I am making are aligned with the spirit of my word. This is how a Word of the Year can make a real impact in your life.

As you will see in last year’s post, my word for 2019 was Depth. It guided me, inspired me, and called on me to approach my life and work in profound ways.

In the years when I chose Savor, and Lead, those words were important to how I lived and what I became over those 12 month periods.

What's your word for 2020?

Are you ready to step into what your word is calling you to do?

It may be a step outside of your comfort zone — and if so, that’s ok! Commit to taking small steps that align with your guiding word. And acknowledge yourself for every action that is congruent.

My word for 2020? Powerful. 
I intend to be: 
a powerful agent of growth
a powerful presence
a powerful voice that inspires
a powerful teacher and coach
a powerful voice for justice
and a powerful artist. 

With my book, Live Big, soon to launch on Amazon, my word is already fueling me in exciting ways.

Let’s all make 2020 a year of commitment to ourselves. Here’s to you choosing a word that will support and guide you to live your best year ever.

Leave a comment to share the word you choose. And reach out to let me know the ways it impacts you as the months roll along!

Turning intentions into commitments that stick

Happy 2020! I hope your new year is off to a great start.

At my Dream Big Vision-Board Workshop on Sunday, 10 amazing women spent the day creating visions for the year that lies ahead. We started the day with exercises to help them get really clear about what they want to BE in their lives, what they want to DO, and what they want to HAVE in the year we are all stepping into.

After clearing the noise from everyone’s heads with a deep meditation, they each worked quietly to leaf through magazines and select images and words that called to them. They then arranged their choices with care and thought, and each assembled a fabulous vision board.

When each woman shared her board with the group, it was clear that she had created a representation of what was important for her, and where she would be setting her intensions and committing to action to bring those things into her life.

It was especially fun to hear from women who had made vision boards with me last year, recounting great things that had come into reality that had just been dreams, or long-held wishes that they had never moved forward with, at this time a year ago. 

If you have made a vision board, or have set intentions for things you want to make real in your life this year, what will it take to make that happen?

In the moment when we set aside time to actually create resolutions, or set goals, or get clear about changes we want to bring into our lives, it feels great.

What’s harder, is holding the energy of commitment, to follow through over time.

That’s why having a vision board, that is placed where you see it every day in your personal environment — or as was suggested on Sunday, making it the home screen on your phone or laptop — is so powerful.

Visual cues help us to stay aware of the things we determine are important for us, and help us commit to taking some deliberate action each day.

Why not make some visual cues for what you want to stay committed to?

Here are three ideas, in addition to making a vision board, that you might try:

1. The post-it notes in your drawer are a great resource.

If you are like me, you’ve got post-it notes in a range of fun colors. What you may not have considered is how they can be used to help you stay committed to taking action toward your goals and dreams.

For example, if you want to this to be the year you stick to an exercise practice, you could put a post-it on your bathroom mirror that says “Spend five minutes stretching.” In time, you can change it to say, “Tomorrow morning will be a perfect time for a run — put it on your schedule!” And, use colored notes in lots of places. You might put one on your fridge door to remind you to eat more vegetables. You can put others, with messages of any kind, on your monitor screen, the door of your coat closet, the dashboard of your car.

Have fun with this approach, and change the notes often, so you see a new color and a great message in lots of key places during your day.

2. Put the Reminder app to work on your phone.

Much like when we get calendar reminders that pop up all the time, why not set reminders to prompt you to take an action related to your dreams or goals? I have a client who swears by this, and I have started enjoying this approach.

It’s easy to set up reminders, and a great way to see a concrete prompt — to reach out and network, to slow down for five minutes, to make a date for a fun outing with someone you long to see more often, to make a brave move, to schedule that medical appointment you’ve put off — or any number of things that you want to do in the year ahead. 

These reminders can be rotated or changed over time. See how creative you can be about setting these prompts for yourself.

3. Try some mental visioning.

You may want to start each morning with a minute or two to visualize yourself taking an action that aligns with a goal or desire.

If, for instance, you want to have a lush vegetable garden this year, you could visualize yourself choosing plants to order from a catalogue. Later in the season, you could envision yourself turning over the soil and planting seeds for the cold-tolerant crops that can first go in the ground.

And, to make the visioning process even more inspiring, envision great outcomes, too. You can envision the lush garden and the gorgeous veggies you will harvest, each time you vision for a minute about your garden. “Seeing” the end result for your efforts in advance, and feeling the delight of that moment, will keep you motivated to take the necessary steps along the way.

What do you yearn to create in your life in the new year and the decade that lies ahead?

Do you want a new job? A new relationship? More adventure? To work for social justice? Better self-care? More space for personal creativity and expression? A clutter-free environment? A move to a new city? To take on a big project? Deep contentment and satisfaction?

Visualize those things, savor the visions, and believe.

You will be amazed at what you can create in your life when you set clear intentions and make commitments to take consistent action.

Endings and beginnings

Today is the last day of 2019. It’s the eve of a whole new year, and a whole new decade. This is a perfect day to set aside a few minutes to reflect. 

What was happening in your life a year ago? 

What has happened in the last 12 months? When you slow down and think about it, there’s a lot that happens in 365 days. And when we rush through those days we tend to miss the insights just waiting for us.

What has changed, and what has not changed — for better or worse? Are you ready to make some changes? Are there things you wouldn’t change for the world?

What memories are you savoring? What about your recollections fills you with gratitude? 

Now, stop and think about where you were at the close of 2009. You were about to step into a new decade. What’s happened in your life over these 10 years?

When I took time to go through this list of questions, I was amazed to think about the big changes I’ve lived through in the last decade. I could not have imagined my life now when I was on the eve of 2010.

The next questions you may want to ask yourself are big ones:

What are your dreams for 2020? 
What do you yearn to create in your life in the new decade that lies ahead?

Visualize those things, savor the vision, and believe. 

You came into the world (as we all did) with the capacity to be a powerful creator. Why not create the life you dream of? 

Start small, and keep moving. 

This is a big beginning!

Sending you love and wishes for a wonderful new year.

My holiday gift for you

Whether you are busy cooking, or traveling, hanging out and relaxed, or stressed over last-minute tasks as this email catches your eye, the holidays are impacting all of in us in one way or another.

I have a few wishes — and invitations — for you right now (that I welcome you to share as widely as you like).

I wish you holidays filled with light and love.
I wish you time to savor all that is wonderful in your life.
I invite you to create space to contemplate what you truly want.
I invite you to look for opportunities for rich conversations.
I invite you to create from the energy of whatever emotions show up, in any way you are moved to do that.
I invite you to bring play and laughter into your life.
I invite you to remember the importance of self-care, and do something special for yourself every day.
I invite you to slow down so that everything will be easier (and better).
I wish you happy anticipation about the possibilities that lie ahead for you.
I wish you willingness and commitment to pursue what deeply matters to you.
I wish you peace and joy.

Sent to you with love and gratitude.

Can you simply pause?

This is such a busy time of year!

Year-end work demands, coupled with holiday parties, selecting gifts for people we love, planning for celebrations with family and friends, cooking, possible travel, and more, can feel like too much to juggle.
It's just at hectic times like these that we most need to pause. 

It sounds simple, and yet stopping to pause is something most of us fail to do.

The power of a minute or two to simply sit and breath is remarkable.

And, it feels daunting to so many of us.

Even when you set an intention to pause a couple of times in your day, you may be so busy you don’t actually take those pauses. So, here’s how to get started.

I suggest you schedule a couple of 2-minute pauses in tiny windows between activities to get started making this a practice.

When the appointed time arrives — or if you simply know a pause will help in the rush of your day — find a quiet spot and set a timer. And if a quiet spot is not available (say, you’re in a busy airport), go for it where you are!

You might want to pause for one minute, or two minutes may sound great. Knowing the timer is on will keep your mind from wondering how long it’s been. 

Take a big shrug, then release and relax your muscles. And breath.

That’s it. Nothing special, no mantras required. Just get quiet.

When your timer goes off, see if you can bring some of that quiet feeling into your next task or conversation.

If you try this for a few days and find it as helpful as I do, you will likely find yourself taking these pauses more frequently. And you’ll reap the benefits in lots of ways.

Leave a comment to let me know how this works for you. 

An important time for reflection

Last week I wrote to urge those of us (myself included!) who drive ourselves hard, and sometimes find ourselves drained and lacking motivation, to ease up on the struggle. (If you missed it, scroll down to the December 4 post below.)

If you have started to focus on the ideas in that post, I hope you are feeling a shift already.

And, if you want to take things a step deeper, I invite you to do some end-of-year reflecting in the coming weeks.

Why?

Because when we create space for refection we learn so much. And, that learning will impact the new year — and 2020 will be here soon!

This is a great time to pull out your favorite journal and take a few minutes each day for reflection.

Here are some good questions to explore

1. What are 10 things I can celebrate that I accomplished this year?

We typically rush from day to day and week to week without slowing down to acknowledge ourselves. This is a perfect time to reflect on the year and take note of things — big and small — that you can celebrate. And be sure to note why each was so terrific. (This is great brain training!)

2. What can I release or replace to open space for more growth, healing and happiness in 2020?

Simply ask this question and let yourself write freely. You may note insights related to habits, patterns, relationships, allocations of time and energy, obligations you’ve tolerated, and more.

Surprises may show up in your rambling notes, as well as issues you know need attention. Don’t overlook small things that may be easy to brush off as unimportant. Those “small things” can have a big impact on your wellbeing.

And it’s worth including reflections about how those things have limited you, been a challenge, or caused unnecessary struggle or pain. Do you realize that you feel drained after every conversation with a particular person? Can you describe the consequences each time your work stretches into the evening hours?

These observations will help you to be clear about changes you want to make in the new year.

3. Where can I find support or resources to help me make the changes I want?

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for a while, you know how strongly I advocate for asking for help and support. This is typically hard for many accomplished women (and men). What I have learned, and what I see with my clients all the time, is that reaching out for help is the path to faster, easier resolution of all sorts of challenges.

Write about all the options you can explore for support.

4. Imagine December 2020, and what your future self will report back to you.

Envision the future you, a year from now. Ask your future-self about how she grew and changed over the year. What did she do to get support? What actions did she take? What did it feel like to commit to her growth and expansion over time?

You can also ask:
What results did she experience?
What is she celebrating?
What advice can she offer you?

Taking a little time each day for a reflection practice will make the last weeks of 2019 your onramp to a great new year.

Leave a message, or email me, to let me know what this process has brought to light for you. And if you added more questions for reflection, I’d love to hear those, too.

A time for self-awareness and self-care

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love, gratitude and good company.

We are now at the start of a new week, and a new month. It’s December — the last month of 2019, and the last month of this decade!

You may feel inspired and fired up as you think about the ways you want to end the year and move into the new decade. If so, go for it!

And… I am hearing from many of my clients and acquaintances that they are feeling pressured, and many are finding motivation hard to come by.

If you relate to feeling a lack of motivation to go big right now, it’s easy to start beating yourself up.

But I invite you to consider that there’s another way to look at things.

Give up the struggle

The idea that you are a slacker if you are not always in high gear, feeling fired up, and planning and doing on a grand scale, is fueled by external messages.

We are bombarded with advice on how to “crush it” — crush our goals, crush it at work, crush our workouts at the gym. The language itself is enough to stress you out.

And, you may be wired to push yourself hard. I’m all for high standards and commitment, but many of us hear a persistent inner voice that propels us to go way overboard, and belittles us when we don’t.

Especially as we head into a busy holiday season and the end-of-year demands at work, this is the perfect time to be gentle with yourself.

Pushing too hard is counterproductive

When you try and muscle through, you not only exhaust yourself and feel awful (physically and/or emotionally), you are likely to get less done.

When you slow down and focus on something important (rather than lot of things and at a frantic pace), you will get more done. I had a hard time believing it would work, until I tried it.

Now, when I feel overwhelmed, I choose something that is deserving of my attention. I put everything else aside for a while. I gently bring my focused attention to that effort. The results of taking this approach are always terrific, and so satisfying.

Listen to your body and your emotions

If you feel the need to slow down, by all means build in time for more rest, more thoughtfulness, more time with cherished people, more ease.

The messages you receive from your inner voice and your intuition are always reliable. Our bodies may demand that we slow down, too. If we are not tuned in and responsive, a GI upset or nasty cold may show up and force us to slow down.

Self-care is rarely high on our to-do lists, but it’s so important! No matter how much there is to be done, be sure you honor yourself and build self-care into your days.

This is a time to create with intention

When a lack of motivation or the need to take things a bit slower shows up (and your self-care plan for a soak in the tub, savoring a soothing cup of tea, taking a nap, or going for a walk is in place), try adopting a new approach.

Think about what you desire. What is important right now? What matters? You may want to do some journaling to explore ideas. (And if you’ve learned it, put my Discovery Dozen™ exercise to work.)
Then gently bring your focus to that matter. If you feel clear about the steps to take, start in slowly and with focus. Acknowledge yourself for taking a small, doable step. Then take the next one — and acknowledge yourself again.

If you are unsure about what you want to focus on, get curious. What are the options to consider for moving ahead? With an idea or two, ask: What interesting approaches can I devise to test out this idea? This is a moment to bring creativity forward and explore possibilities.

Commit to making a small effort and seeing how it works out. Celebrate the wins, and adjust course when better ideas and new insights emerge.

And continue on the path — gently.

You don't need to struggle. Momentum will build naturally.

I’d love to hear about how you are feeling now, and what you want to approach with ease. Leave a comment below.

And if you are looking for clarity, focus, momentum and accountability in your life, let’s talk. I will be enrolling a new group coaching program early next year, and it may be the perfect opportunity for you as we move into 2020. I’ll be happy to tell you about it.

Poetry to open your heart

Poetry is magical. I am in awe of those who use words to they elevate ideas and communicate directly with our hearts. Here’s a favorite, and I will share others from time to time.

Reading powerful poems has inspired me to write my own, too.

Why not play with words to express what you are feeling and thinking? Your poems need not rhyme. Simply start with an idea or emotion and see what emerges as you chose and arrange words with brevity, playfulness, fresh imagery, and joy.

True Joy

Release the past
Release the pain
Look forward
Smile

This place
Is where I’m meant to be
My true calling
My destiny

To be in joy
To bring on joy
To celebrate
Me

Excited
Amazed
Open
Is who I want to be

Ready for a
New adventure
Diving into the unknown
Rising
Up
Up
Up
And taking the world
Along for the ride.

– Peleg Top

Has the time come to change a relationship (or two)?

In my recent post, I encouraged you to think about the people with whom you spend time. I asked you to think about who lifts you up, and if there are relationships you find challenging, or downright unhealthy.

I provided some guidance for how to think about people on the difficult end of that spectrum, if any come to mind.

Check it out, in case you missed it.

After providing some mindset scaffolding to help you consider what can be an uncomfortable issue, I posed two questions to ask yourself if you determine that making a change in the relationship will be in your best interest — if, like a tree or shrub, some pruning of the relationship is called for.

Here are the questions I offered for you to consider:

• Do I want to set a boundary, so that I will stay in contact with this person, but with less frequency?
• Is it time to disengage from this person completely?

Depending on which question you answered with a “Yes,” here’s how you can take action.

How to lovingly set a boundary on the number, or frequency, of interactions you have

Perhaps you are weary of daily calls, frequent texts, or a routine way of getting together with someone. (This could be anything from an obligatory weekly meal to an annual outing that you are ready to move on from.)

If you’ve concluded that staying in the relationship would be fine if the times and ways you connected were less intrusive, initiate a change. Think about how much happier you will be after setting better boundaries.

Plan to have a brief conversation

It may feel harder to speak with someone than to send a letter or an email. But this is a relationship that has a degree of importance to you (or you would opt to end it), and a conversation honors that. Further, sending a written message can be tricky, as the tone you intend to convey may be misconstrued by the reader.

Thoughtful preparation is in order. This is an opportunity to think creatively about the change you want to propose.

You might say that while you value the relationship and want to stay in touch, you are focused on important commitments in your life and you need to switch to a monthly or seasonal check-in — or some other proposed change.

Well in advance of an unappealing annual event, you can let that person know that your plans have changed this year, or that your time together will be shorter, or that you have an alternative location to suggest — or some other idea for how to stay connected.

Keep your communication simple and direct

Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into drama, if that shows up. Focus on love for yourself as well as for that person, and loving energy will come across.

When it’s time to disengage from a relationship and move on

If you realize there's a toxic dimension to being in relationship to this person and you’d be happier and healthier without them in your life, this is the time to initiate a change.

Your message can be expressed with kindness

While a conversation is often ideal, written communication can work as well, or may be better. Base your decision on the approach that will work best with that person, and try not to let fear enter into your reasoning.

Stay clear of drama. Calmly communicate that you need to take an extended break, or that it's time for you to move on from the relationship. It’s not necessary to over-explain or to be accusatory — focus on your need to make this change. As noted above, keep the communication simple and direct, and keep love in your heart as you speak or write.

Will it be easy to initiate changes like these?

Depending on the relationship you are thinking about, it may call on you to dig deep for courage — and a commitment to your own needs — to take a step like this.

And, it may be easier to make this change than you imagine.

If you are wavering, consider this important question:

Do you value yourself enough to take this step?

This question may touch a nerve. I have been there, and I’ve guided many of my clients to take courageous action like this.

It helps to think about how you will feel after you’ve moved ahead.

Envision the benefits of making this change

As I have experienced and seen many times, being on the other side of making a change that you are called to initiate is a great place to be. It opens space and possibilities and opportunities. It brings a feeling of lightness into your life.

And you will experience your ability to do something important, that will help you take more courageous action in the future.

I hope you will choose to surround yourself with people who truly support you, believe in you, and want only the best for you. Pruning unhealthy relationships has terrific rewards — and will set the stage for you to thrive!

Leave a comment below if you have thoughts to share about this subject.

And, if you want to talk about what it could look like to have support to bring important changes like these into your life, let’s schedule a call and talk about that (it’s a complimentary call). Start by answering some questions, so I’ll know more about what’s on your mind, and we’ll get the process started.

A simple morning check-in can have a big impact

A client recently mentioned that she starts each day with this question:
How do I want to treat myself today?

I have been asking myself a variation of this question each morning, that was suggested to me be a colleague:
How do I want to feel at the end of the day?

And here are a few other great options to consider as you start your day:
Who do I need to BE today?
What is most important for me today?
How can I slow down today?
How will I acknowledge myself for [ fill in the blank ]?

Starting the morning with a good question like one of these sets you up for a day of intention. Rather than simply drifting through the hours, you will have more focus.

Why not pick one that feels appealing and ask it of yourself each morning this week?

You may want to switch around and see which question works best for you, or set a rotation of questions to use during the week.

And at the end of your day, make a note about how the question had an impact. You are likely to experience important shifts as you bring more focus into your daily life.

Email me, or leave a comment with other good questions you’ve used at the start of your day, and to share the impact of this practice after you’ve tried it.

Just as my client told me about the way her question has been a game-changer, we can all learn from one another and inspire each other when we share great ideas.

The power of a great quote

If you have perused my site, you have doubtless found many of my favorite quotes that relate to creativity. Because of the narrow format in the sidebars where they reside, I chose short quotes to share.

This longer one is a favorite and its message is so important.

A wonderful quote from the brilliant Anne Lamott 

”Oh my God, what if you wake up some day and you‘re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen."

How do you relate to this?

How can you live your biggest, juiciest life today — even in one small way?

5 questions to ask yourself now

Asking yourself good questions is a great technique for getting clear and getting real. Here are five questions I ask my clients — and that I take time to answer for myself — each time we transition to a new quarter. This practice is a great way to check in four times during the year and take stock.

1. Am I being real?

Are you showing up fully and authentically? Or, are you trying to be what you think people expect you to be, or want you to be? Maybe you are afraid to show the world (or segments of the world) your true self — afraid you’ll be “too much,” unliked, or are simply uncomfortable being seen.

If your answer is less than a whole-hearted YES, think about why you may be holding back.

What to do next: If your answer was, "No," consider how you can make a small change, to show up as your true self in a particular situation. Starting with a small effort lets you test this out, and from there you can consciously bring more of yourself into all parts of your life.

2. Am I letting fear take the reins?

This is a big one for all of us. Taking a clear-eyed look at where you may be operating based on fear lets you consciously make shifts that can have a profound impact.

Most of what we fear is not perilous, and can be overcome with clear perspective and getting support.

What to do next: If you are holding back because you are afraid to fail at something new or challenging, try taking baby steps to test the waters.

If you are afraid to speak up about something on your mind, let a trusted friend help you practice ways to express yourself and encourage you to do so.

When you take small steps, and continue taking additional steps, you will gradually build confidence. Things are rarely as scary as they seem when unexamined.

3. Am I living small?

This question holds many more questions, such as:
How can I bring some boldness into my life?
How can I take steps to embark on a burning desire?
How can I lead in new ways?

What to do next: Pick one way you see that you are living small and explore at least five ideas for small steps that can open you up in new ways.Then pick one to test now.

4. Am I taking action?

Some of us are full of ideas, but hesitant when it comes to implementing them. Some of us habitually procrastinate. Some of us feel stuck — around a particular issue, or in general. All of these can drag us down, and often cause pressure and stress.

What to do next: If you realize that there are ways you are not taking action, this is the time to begin committing to taking small, consistent steps. Once you begin, momentum can build. And even if you hit rough patches along the way, the flow and energy you’ll experience when you commit to ongoing action will amaze you.

5. Am I celebrating my wins?

High achievers typically feel the need to do big, heroic things to feel worthy of celebration.

The truth is that when we acknowledge and celebrate micro-wins we have the satisfaction of accomplishment. It’s a big deal for our brains to get a boost like that. And it gives us energy to continue down the path we have set.

What to do next: Celebrate small wins like three straight days of keeping a commitment to stay in action around a particular initiative; or inviting someone to have a conversation you’ve been putting off; or (finally) asking someone for help.

The common thread.

You have probably noticed that small steps are the key to living more authentically, to living without fear, to shifting from keeping yourself small, to getting into flow and building momentum, and to reaping the benefits of celebrating your wins. All of these are doable if you set the bar low enough that you can clear it with ease. And when you continue to take small, doable steps, learning and adjusting as you go forward, the impact adds up dramatically.

Drop me a note, or leave a comment to share the insights that come up for you when you answer these questions. And, tell me about the small steps you are committing to taking, too.

Start taking a small step or two today, keep it going, and imagine what it will feel like to have truly moved the needle by the time the next quarter rolls around.

This moment of transition

As you savor the last days of August, you cannot miss the changes in the air.

School has started or is about to start. (In Boston, that means college students with U-Hauls filled to the brim will soon jam the streets!) People are returning from vacations. Calendars are a lot more crowded. Traffic will soon be even worse, slowing everyone down.

And, the air will be crisp and refreshing. Energy will buzz as new projects get started. Focus always begins to get sharper as many of us consider the opportunities and possibilities for this last season of the year.

As you think about next week and heading into September, what do you want to create?

What priorities will be at the top of your list?

What will you commit to doing — differently? for the first time? with renewed energy?

Think now about how you want to feel when you look back at the final four months of the year and head into 2020.

And make a plan.

Three things you can do now to end the year on a high note.

1. Embrace this moment of transition and get clear.

Take some time to consider the questions I posed above.

Write down your thoughts — a brain-dump is a great way to start. You’re likely to have a long list of ideas and possibilities.

Next, reflect on your notes and begin to shape what showed up. You may want to make categories for items related to work, health, relationships, personal pleasure, etc. You’ll then be able to focus on choosing your top priorities.

Remember, many good ideas will have to be put aside. If you aim to focus on too many big things you’ll be splattered! None will get the time and attention needed for you to realize significant progress.

2. Next, get specific.

With your top one to three focal points in mind, think about what is realistic to complete for each of them in the last four months of the year.

For instance, if you want to write a book, or renovate your kitchen, think about what can reasonably be accomplished in four months. Specificity will be key. Break down big projects or ambitions into small, doable bites.

For example, to begin a home or office renovation, you can first get clear about what's not working now and what key elements you want the finished project to include. The next step may be to collect images that appeal to you for ideas on color, style and use of space, before you reach out to meet with designers and choose a contractor.

With a framework for discrete steps, schedule time on your calendar to work on each one.

3. Commit to taking consistent action.

Being clear about your priorities, breaking big projects into small, doable chunks, mapping out a plan, and scheduling time for each step are all important. But that effort will only lead to solid results if you commit to taking small action, followed by more small action, week by week.

It will be easy to get sidetracked, because life happens! But when you know where you are headed and have a strong desire to reach your outcomes, it will be easier to say “No” (even to exciting possibilities) and stay on track. And it will make it easier for you to attend to the inevitable, important interruptions that will come along and get back on track.

Remember, even the best plans will need to be modified. Surprises will show up. Mistakes will happen. New ideas will emerge. In every case, evaluate the situation, correct course as needed, and keep moving forward.

One last suggestion.

Be sure to acknowledge and celebrate each small milestone as you complete pieces of your big projects. This gives your brain a jolt of pride and satisfaction. And that will make it easier to maintain continued commitment to your project.

I'll be excited to hear about the projects you choose to make your focus in the coming months, and to hear about how the work progresses. leave a comment here or drop me a note.

I’m rooting for you!

A movie that will change you

Having heard rave reviews about the film, Maiden, I was sure I would enjoy it.

I knew it was about the first all-female crew to race in the Whitbread Around the World Challenge yacht race, so I expected to be inspired. This award-winning documentary did not disappoint.

The suspense of the race was certainly riveting and the documentary was wonderfully made.

But the most remarkable part of the film was the seeing the determination and commitment of the young Tracy Edwards. She decided to embark on the audacious effort of getting funding for a suitable boat and recruiting an all-female crew — in 1989. And, having done both, she courageously lead that crew through challenges that would have crushed most of us.

Against tremendous odds, she persevered — she found a way to make all of it happen. She withstood withering ridicule from the press and her sailing peers. She coped with enormous doubts and crushing pressure. And she never gave up.

She not only showed the world it could be done — she grew in immeasurable ways. As did her fabulous crew.

Watch the trailer here. Then find a theater where it’s playing, and go to see it. Every minute of this film is worth savoring.

What are you waiting for?

Each day we awake with a fundamental choice.

We can choose to go through the day much like all other days. Entrenched habits and patterns can rule us.
This leads to reacting to everything that comes along. And tolerating frustrations or relationships or jobs that drain us. And to struggling to make time for self-care, not to mention things that bring joy.

Or, you can choose a different option.

You can start each day with the energy of a creator — deliberating considering what you want to create in your life, and actively creating when you move through your days.

What does it look like to embrace the energy of a creator?

When you embrace yourself as a creator, you look at the way you have been living and decide what is working well and where you are frustrated — or are tolerating things that don't work well.

This is what can happen.

You can choose to make positive changes, like showing up as your authentic self, both at work and with people in your personal sphere.

You can learn to listen to your intuition — and trust it.

You can begin to live boldly, and play more, and not let fear or doubt stop you.

Learning to live this way means stepping up in new ways. It means being willing to make commitments to yourself to take action, to shift from living on auto-pilot.

And while it means being willing to step into some discomfort, it means trusting that you are capable of doing this work, and willing to ask for support. And it means you want to be accountable to staying on the path of positive change.

Or, you can wait.

You can wait for certainly.
You can wait for permission.
You can wait for confidence.
You can wait for magic (sometimes in the form of someone who will come to the rescue or someone to do the work for you).
You can wait for complete clarity about what you want, or what to do next, or the exact destination.

Are you content to wait, or are you ready to take action to live a life that makes you excited to wake up to each new day?

This is your decision point. You get to choose.

This can be the day you say “Yes!” to yourself and a bigger future.

If you are ready to know more about what it can look like to become a true creator in your life, drop me a note.

We’ll schedule a time to talk — no obligation, no sales pitch. Just an opportunity for me to hear about your challenges and the dreams you have for a more fulfilled life, and for you to hear about what it takes to become the creator of that future.

I can promise that this conversation will provide you with big insights and a lot of inspiration.

Scheduling this call will be a meaningful action step.

Do you want to take it?

How to realign when you’ve lost momentum

We all get off track from time to time. This happened to me last week. After a great (but hectic) week of business travel I returned to lead a retreat with my group coaching clients. While I loved it all, it wasn’t long before my body had had enough.

I first lost my voice, then lost energy and got achy, and I had no choice but to slow down, rest, and heal for the rest of week two.

Happily, I am now on the mend. But I am facing a big back-log of tasks. 

It’s a challenge to get back in your groove when you have been knocked off course — whether by travel, illness, a family emergency, an emotional rough patch, or anything else.

Here are 3 tips I use to get back on track

1. Go slow

If you are anything like me and the accomplished women I work with, you are an achiever. You work hard — often too hard. This is not the time to follow your impulse is to jump back in and tackle your backlog fast. You will likely sabotage yourself with that approach.

Be thoughtful as you give yourself permission to build up to your usually pace.

Ask yourself these questions:
• What can I delegate, get help with, or defer?
• What to-do's have the highest priority, that I can map on my calendar now?
• What low-hanging fruit can I batch and take care of quickly?
• How can best I communicate to those waiting for replies that I will get back to them soon?

Resist the urge to over-promise. It’s always better to set a reasonable expectation and meet it — or delivery early.

2. Show yourself some love

You may need to set a later wake-up alarm than usual, or skip your usual morning work-out. Or, you may find you have a productive morning and then your energy wanes. Listen to your body! Give yourself the rest, nutrition and movement that you need. 

If your muscles ache, schedule a massage. If a nap will refresh you, go for it! If you are stressed, take a break and meditate, draw, or walk around the block. 

Self care now, coupled with self-compassion, will pay big dividends.

3. Steadily pick up the pace

You will know when you are ready to work a full day again. In most cases, careful pacing and attention to self care will help you to catch up and resume your usual routines fairly quickly.

This is a great time to reflect and reassess. Think about the balance in your life, and the intensity at which you had become accustomed to living. Maybe pushing a bit less hard is a better pace for you in the long run. Maybe you discovered some new ways to work smarter, not harder. Maybe you introduced some self-care that you want to continue and make your ”new normal.“ 

This challenging period can teach you a lot. Take note of your insights.

I'd love for you to share what works best for you at times like these. We can all learn from one another. Or, if you have particular questions, ask them. Leave comments below, or email me, and I can share this feedback in a future post.

How ready are you to make a change?

Do you yearn to make a change in your life?

Do you feel stuck in a job that stresses you out, doesn't light you up anymore, or pays you well but is unsatisfying? Do you dream of starting something new? Is external change coming at you and you have an opportunity to rethink what you really want? Does the prospect of an empty nest open possibilities you want to explore?

I speak with women who ponder questions like these all the time. 

And I truly relate — because that’s just where I was a decade ago. The business I’d founded and was proud to have built was no longer exciting me. I knew I was ready for something new, but had no idea what it would be or how to figure it out.

The only way to make change in your life is to be willing to change.

Lots of women want to make a change in their professional or personal life, but the prospect of having to change — changing outlooks, habits, getting out of your comfort zone — can be scary. And when we are afraid, we have a tendency to shrink back and cling hard to the known quantity of the status quo.

Are you clinging, or are you ready to embrace the process of change?

I remember thinking it would be great to magically make the perfect change happen. But I knew, as you do, that there is no fairy dust that will instantly make the situation you are currently tolerating perfect — or a magic pill that will give you the answer to what your next great career move ought to be (or the best move forward in your personal life).

That's why so many women tolerate what they say they want to change. It can feel daunting to step into the process of change, or even know how to get started.

Here is how to get clear, and how to move forward if you’re ready to change your life.

1. Assess your level of desire.

Ask yourself these questions: 
How tired am I of what I have been tolerating? 
How much do I want to bring change into my life? 
Do I want it enough to take a big new step — even if that means calling on myself to be bold?

In my case, I knew I was willing to initiate a change and step into the work of finding a new career direction that would excite me when I woke up every morning. (I had been longing for that missing feeling for too long!)

What about you?

When you answer these questions honestly, you’ll know if you are ready to start on the path of change.

2. If you want to get started, get support.

Embarking on a big change is easiest if you have a guide to help you. This is not a good DIY project! Getting support will not only ease the anxiety this decision may bring up, it will accelerate the pace at which you will move through the process of change.

With the help of a seasoned coach, you will be in safe hands as you get clear about what you want, assess your best opportunities, and move forward. 

3. Embrace the process.

This powerful, life-changing work will teach you so much. Anticipate it with excitement! 

Even as you will be called on to look deep, and set a course that may have unexpected turns along the way, you'll have help. That help will support you when discomfort arises as you step outside of your comfort zone, rise and grow, and then face new moments that call for courage.

This process is an incredible path to growth. 

This is how you make your desires your reality. 

This is how you can transform your life!

I have lived this process, and am honored to guide women through it every day. I know that you can proceed with confidence when you invest in yourself and your future, as I did a decade ago. 
I now live with the delight of a life that fulfills me in more ways than I ever imagined possible. I’d love to see that happen for you.

Let’s talk about the future you want to create — what’s possible for you.

Drop me a note, or leave a comment below, if you feel ready to consider initiating big and important change in your life.