The perfect week for combining love + creativity

Here we are — the big holiday week of the year has arrived, and it’s also the week we celebrate the Winter Solstice.

As I do not celebrate Christmas, I enjoy seeing the pleasure so many friends experience on this holiday. And I am always glad to rejoice in celebrating the Solstice. While December 21st was the shortest, darkest day of the year, we now begin to enjoy a bit more daylight each day. This always lifts my spirits as we move into a new year.

And what a year this has been. I feel confident saying this is a year we will all remember, and we are all ready to bid adieu.

Now, more than any year in memory, we all need an abundance of light and love!

Make this a week to slow down, relax, and consciously welcome love

Even though we cannot be with friends and family in person as we long to, there are many ways to create connection and share love.

We must be extra-careful to stay safe and keep others safe. But that does not mean we need to feel apart in our hearts.

What new ways of connecting can you create now, that will hold meaning for you and those about whom you care?

While many of us feel “zoomed out” by work meetings, Zoom has proven to be a great way to share a meal, play a game, meet with family members at great distances to laugh together, and do creative projects (from my now-virtual monthly IgNight Creative Evenings to my weekly art-making dates with my grandson).

There are countless ways to create meaningful and memorable connections.

No matter what is happening around us and for us, we always have the power to create

Some of us have moved through the months of the pandemic with more ease than others. Many have suffered terribly. We have all been challenged — and changed.

And, as always, some people in similar situations fair better than others. Those that do best are those who are able to find the most positive frame of mind and the most positive path to pursue.

This is what I call creating our way forward

When things get tough, a creator looks for possibilities that are not obvious.

A creator considers new ways of responding. This can mean new ways of getting support, or new ways of coping with stress — whether it’s through creative expression, by reaching out, by ramping up self-care, by getting out in nature, or anything else. By choosing to create each next step with intention, rather than reacting, amazing things are possible.

A creator tries and tests new approaches. It might be for managing day-to-day life, for running a business or bringing in new streams of income, for setting up ways family members can all cohabit and do their work and learning, or anything else.

A creator keeps an open mind and stays curious. When you ask yourself, “What’s possible?” you are always considering how to find the best path forward.

A creator also looks for wonder and tunes in to gratitude every day.

Approaching your life this way keeps the heart open. When you combine an open heart and an open mind new possibilities show up.

Love + Creativity make a powerful combination

I invite you to bring love and light into your life in as many ways as you can dream up.

All that dreaming is connected to your creative power. You have a bottomless well of creativity. You cannot run out of it, so use it with abandon!

When you are focused on love, and you create with intention, fear stays at bay and joy increases. And who doesn’t want a tremendously joy-filled holiday season?

Start now, and it will be easy to carry this beautiful energy into the new year.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Who do you need to BECOME to live big now?

Here we are, in the last week of October, looking ahead to a momentous election and the last 2 months of 2020.

Yup, there are only 65 days left in this year.

You may be hearing and reading about meeting end-of-year sales goals and doing year-end assessments.

Maybe you are thinking back to the ambitions you had for this year that got interrupted, and perhaps derailed, by the pandemic.

Rather than feeling stressed or anxious, I am offering you a couple of questions to consider:

What will help you to end the year on a strong note? 

What states of mind, what ways of being, can you address now, to make these last 2 months the best they can be — and to be your most resourceful and resilient self as you move into 2021?

As you read these questions, are you wondering how to start thinking about answering them? 

Consider this.

Your state of being is key to the quality of your life

Your state of being — how you show up in the world, your mindset each day — is the foundation upon which everything rests. It impacts your relationships, your work, your personal well-being — your entire life.

To BECOME more grounded, clear and confident, follow these 3 steps.

Step 1: Assess your current state

Take a look at this list of common challenges and consider which are limiting you now. (Trust me, we all are hampered by some or many of these, to one degree or another!) 

How many of these trouble you?

• A lack of confidence

• Feeling unmotivated

• People pleasing

• Putting yourself last

• Skipping self-care

• Comparing yourself to others, making you feel like you are not good enough

• Feeling like an imposter

• Difficulty setting healthy boundaries

• Feeling indecisive

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Feeling fearful

Mindset challenges like these are likely to have been in place long before the pandemic, though they may now be more of a hindrance. Or maybe some new ones have recently cropped up for you.

And maybe you are thinking of a challenge that is not on this list. If so, make a note of it now.

Next, jot down all of the challenges that hamper you these days. And for each one, note the level of negative impact they have for you.

Use a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most distressing.

Are you surprised at what you see?

If your list is long, or the scale is high, do not feel discouraged. You now have more clarity — that’s a good thing! — and you can begin to move forward to address these limitations.

Step 2: Focus on small change for one challenge 

With the clarity you have now, consider the single biggest limiting mindset challenge you identified — or the one that feels most urgent to address.

Yes, it can be big work to address such challenges. And I am glad to tell you that making change like this is doable — but the most effective way do it is to bring your attention to making small, focused changes to one thing at a time.

It’s tempting to try and change many things at once, but that’s not wise. When you are scattered and inconsistent in your efforts you are unlikely to achieve the changes you desire. That leads to feeling discouraged and giving up.

Begin by paying attention to the one thing you most want to address now.

And do not minimize the importance of taking very small steps to start shifting into a better frame of mind.

Consider taking small steps like these

When you feel overwhelmed, indecisive, or feel hampered by any of the stresses listed above, try adopting a conscious practice like simply slowing down and taking 2 to 3 minutes to breathe in quiet. Done consistently, this can be a surprisingly fast way to connect to your calm, wise self. It will help you more than you might imagine.

Or, if you are skimping on self-care, or notice you are people-pleasing, or realize that you frequently put yourself last, consider ways to treat yourself with more self-love. You might schedule 10 minutes for yourself each day — be it to soak in a tub before bed, to read quietly, or to take a mid-day walk. 

Small practices like these, when regularly incorporated into your life, will have a meaningful impact.

You may also want to look at the helpful practices and exercises I’ve included in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to help you address and overcome the limitations that concern you. Choose the practices you feel will most help you to make the changes you seek.

Step 3: Keep going, even if you are not always consistent!

When you bring commitment to incorporating a new practice into your life — even if you do it imperfectly and miss a day here and there — be sure to acknowledge yourself for making that commitment.

It’s when you get back on track and continue to build new practices that meaningful change becomes your new normal.

Much like brushing your teeth each day, you will soon stop needing to remind yourself to take those breaks, or treat yourself well, or set healthy boundaries. Practices like these become your new way of being, and you are then able to bring attention to the next area where you seek to make change. 

Can you imagine what it can look to become more of the woman you want to be by the end of 2020?

What would it look like for you to show up and do what’s important to you without those old ways of being?

What might your new year look like if you were able to shift into being a creator of the life you want, rather than feeling like it’s so hard to make the moves you long for?

Begin now! Start to take small steps to become all you yearn to be.

There’s no time like the present to get started.

And if you want personal support, to help you overcome the limitations that are hampering you with more ease and consistency, let’s make a date for a complimentary Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I’ll be happy to help you gain insights and new perspectives about the challenges that limit you and how you can move forward in your life in exciting ways.

And, if we both think the fit is right, I can share the way that my new signature program, Live Big Live!, might help you become a powerful creator of the future you yearn for.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Three sure steps to take right now

Here we are, at the end of another month, halfway through the summer. 

We continue to live through a time of enormous disruption, and yet life is always affording us opportunities — even when it can be hard to see them.

What I am seeing now

I am observing shifts of many kinds. 

I talk to people who were rocked at the start of the pandemic, found the focus and energy to take action, and are now in a new lull as they contemplate moving ahead.

Some people report an upswing in opportunities in their work, and that they have found new and positive ways to keep connected to others and stay happy.

Some have realized that things they had been tolerating (personally and/or professionally) are no longer tolerable. They are feeling keenly motivated to take action and bring change into their lives. 

Some are diving into new ways to spend their time and realize this period has been a gift for them.

Many are finding they've created a new mix, or blend, of elements in their day-to-day lives, and they like the way they are spending their time, focusing their attention, and using their energy. They realize they are likely to adjust again as the world around them creates new conditions, but their new routine and combination of satisfying activities and initiatives is working now.

Wherever you are at this moment, consider these ways to support yourself.

1. Feel it all and “exercise” what you feel

Feeling our emotions — especially the tough ones — rather than stuffing them down or avoiding them, can seem scary. Sure, it's great when we feel excited and happy. But nobody is always happy.

Lots of people are champions at avoiding tough emotion. They numb themselves with mindless scrolling, endless Netflix, too many cocktails, overeating, and more. Some stay frantically busy or dive into excessive physical activity to keep from feeling them.

If you can allow yourself to simply be with the emotion in quiet, and feel what you feel, you can then use the energy of the emotion to transform it.

Yes, the pain or distress or anxiety can be dispelled.

How? 

• Set a timer for 5 minutes (or more) and write freely. See what shows up on the pages.

• Make art with what you feel — make the emotion visual any way you want.

• Dance the emotion, to let your body express it. Sing the feelings, or play them on an instrument. From the blues, to rock, to opera, to hip hop — anything is great.

• Get outside and feel your emotions under the sky, as you look at the world around you. Or dig in your garden, letting yourself connect to the awesome energy of nature.

And you can elevate positive emotions with any of these techniques. Why not make the most of the good stuff?

When you are in touch with what you are feeling, and actively honor and then “use” difficult emotions — or amplify good ones — you clear the way for fresh perspectives.

2. Decide what you want

It’s easy to feel stuck when you are unsure of what to do, or can’t imagine what might be possible.

Before you start writing out lists of possibilities, focus on your desire.

Sit where there are no distractions and get quiet. Close your eyes, put one hand on your heart and feel into your heart. Put your other hand on your belly and consciously connect to your intuition, to the wisdom in your gut.

 And listen.

You may hear soft, vague whispers or clear loud messages. Be patient. Stay in stillness. See what desires show up. 

You may not get answers all at once, but if you actively listen, you will connect to things your heart desires. 

Maybe you’ll yearn for more connection. Maybe you’ll realize you want to explore being a speaker. Maybe you’ll desire a change in a relationship. Maybe you’ll want to express yourself more fully. Maybe you’ll want to live in a new place, near people or resources you long for. Maybe you’ll realize that you want to reshape what you offer in your professional work.

Your heart always has desire, and connecting to it gives you a compass for moving forward.

3. Get creative and get choosy

Having connected to your emotions and desires, you can now consider your options in new ways. This is your opportunity to create!

You can look at things through new lenses — the lens of opportunity and the lens of possibility.

Opportunity and possibility are starting points for big thinking and for fresh approaches you can play with.

Start with the question, “What if it’s possible that...” and see what shows up. You can also use the Discovery Dozen™ exercise I teach in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to generate lots of ideas, and see which of the ideas you want to explore more deeply.

When you review your ideas, be selective. Eliminate the possibilities that feel heavy. Delete any that feel like “should’s” rather than “wants.” Continue to check in with your heart and your gut and stay with the ideas that light you up.

What happens next?

This is a good time to consider who can help you. Who can be a sounding board, or wise advisor, or coach? Who can help you stay accountable to the process of exploration, testing and taking action?

And try not to get overwhelmed. Neither exciting, big ideas nor more modest ideas require you to take giant steps! Small steps are the ideal way to move into something new (and small steps can be bold steps). These will let you set a solid foundation, as you take small action, and continue or adjust course as needed, with every step on the path.  

Let’s create together!

I have been feeling significant shifts as life has evolved and the last months have rolled along. I am excited about new opportunities that I am seeing, and a host of new things I am creating.

From a new more expansive and light-filled approach I am moving into in the studio when I paint, to new ways of navigating through the challenge of illness in a beloved family member, to a new program I have designed to support great women to create the next big vision for their lives and start living it, I am moving forward in new ways.

I invite you to share what you are facing in your life now, and what you yearn to create in your future.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call, and I will help you gain insight and clarity about your challenges and questions and desires. And if we both think there’s a good fit, I can tell you about my new coaching program that’s starting soon, and how it may be able to support you to create the changes you want to make. 

Today is a great day to take a small and meaningful step.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big impact of one small thing

Each new week brings change, as life and work slowly evolve.

It may not feel like much is changing, but each small shift — around us and for us — calls on us to adjust anew.

I hear about a range of experiences in my conversations with clients, colleagues and the women on my Saturday Zoom calls.

Some have found a new rhythm that feels great. Some were doing well and then hit a rough spot. Some are anticipating likely changes with their work (positive for some, worrisome for others). Some are initiating significant personal changes.

Wherever you find yourself now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed at one point or another. Decisions, intentions, options to choose from, opportunities, deadlines — all of these can overwhelm us.

When you feel overwhelmed, try employing this simple yet powerful approach

I recently spoke to a great women who is facing a mountain of things that need to get done. Still healing from a broken arm, she needs to sort through years of belongings and prepare a house for sale. She is also seeking a new apartment. And, she is eager to pursue promising new work opportunities. 

After telling me all of that she started describing her big 5-year vision.

It’s no wonder she reported feeling overwhelmed! 

She was frustrated about not doing “enough,” concerned about getting everything done, and worried about how she’d move toward her beautiful big vision.

As I listened I knew there was a simple suggestion I could make. It has worked for me, and for many of my clients when overwhelm has started to take over.

Focus on doing one thing each day

If you are a “doer” by nature (and perhaps you pride yourself on being a multi-tasker), you may be thinking that such a simple approach is too simple, and will be counter-effective. It sounds like it will make it take longer to get things done. 

Here’s why this works so well.

1. It feels doable.  

It doesn't feel daunting if you just need to chose and take one action as you start your day. 

How often do many of us feel stuck when we feel overwhelmed? Or, we get busy with tasks like doing laundry or scrubbing the sink, or fritter away time in avoidance. Or we jump in frenetically and get splattered, so nothing gets done well. By choosing to do one thing, we can avoid all of these pitfalls.

2. You are focused.  

When one action is all you “need” to do, your attention is not pulled in multiple directions. The results are always better when our attention is fully focused. And the speed with which good things happen when we slow down and focus like this can be impressive.

3. Momentum builds.  

Once you are in action, you feel great and you are are likely to take more action. So, you may continue with that one thing, or shift to a new thing as you keep going.

4. You get a positive emotional hit of accomplishment.  

The feeling of making progress is a huge boost. And when enthusiasm builds, new ideas and more motivation emerge.

5. You set off a positive cycle.  

Good energy keeps things moving, and if you are like the woman I mentioned, you will be delighted at how much is getting accomplished and how great it feels. You, like she, are likely to start each day feeling upbeat and able to move through that one thing — and often more!

We have so much opportunity — today and every day.

Not only can we avail ourselves of opportunities all around us, we can face new challenges as they come up, and we can create in remarkable ways. It all begins with our state of mind.

Just as the woman I described has done, you can harness your energy as you start each day. Focus on one thing, and do it! You are likely to see big results, as she has.

Let me know if this is something you have tried. And if you use this approach for the first time, I’d love to hear how it works for you. Hit reply and let me know. 

Here are 3 ways to get more ideas and more support

1. Check out the growing list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. 

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 30 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to cope, stay inspired, and take action. Register for the next call. 

3. Let’s hop on a Live Big Breakthrough Call and talk about what’s standing between you and your biggest desires. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call — and if the fit feels good we can talk about what coaching could look like in your life. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding our way

We've all been saying it — what a difference a week has made. We are living in a different reality now.

Advice fills my inbox from all sorts of well-meaning, big-hearted people. So, I will keep my ideas to the point, and hope they are helpful.

1. Stay safe

There are lots of adjustments to make, but the basics are pretty straightforward. Clean hands. Clean surfaces. Stay home, and when you must go out, stay far from others and wash hands and surfaces even more diligently.

2. Lower the volume

Listening to the news all day, social media scrolling, and conversations filled with worry and rehashing are not helpful. Shift to short news check-ins two to three times a day and steer conversations in new directions (or curtail them).

3. Stay connected

We are blessed to live at a time where technology is available so that we can be in community virtually. It's not the same as in person, but it is a blessing. Tap into virtual offerings that help, such as yoga instruction, groups of like-minded people doing positive things together, online courses, and more.

And reach out to neighbors. Who needs help — even just a call to check in? We have a neighbor who offered to add our grocery needs to her list, and we will do the same for her next week. Think about how you can support others.

4. Practice gratitude

See number 3 above, and consider everything for which you can be grateful. When you look for it, there's a lot for which to be grateful!

5. Stay calm, ward off fear

Fear will not keep you safe. In fact, the stress it induces will lower your immunity. And, it clouds your thinking. We need to think clearly now more than ever! I have written about dealing fear in various contexts in past posts. You can check out this article, And this one. And one more.

This is the time to stay positive! And step #6 will help you do that.

6. Create each day

Consider your opportunities to create in two ways:

     A. Create to express yourself, dispel anxiety and open your heart. You can do this in countless ways, so try as many as you want. Start by choosing a playful frame of mind, to open your heart, then let creativity flow with ease. Doodle. Arrange food in a funny way on your plate. If you have a coloring book, spend some time with it. Play an instrument or dance to music of any kind. Collage with scraps of paper and cloth. Create on your own and invite others to join you on Zoom or post to one another in a text thread. As I said, there is no limit to how you can create. It’s a perfect way to lift your spirits.

     B. Consider how you can create new ways of serving, working, thinking. Approach everything with curiosity and ask, "What if?" as you prompt yourself to think more broadly. Is there a new way you can collaborate with colleagues? A new offering to create for your clients? Can you add value for your clients or customers? Often, constraints — like the constraints these times are imposing — can spur the most effective new ways of thinking and doing things. Challenge yourself to think differently. Reach out to people and think together about new approaches and possibilities.

7. Keep loving

Love yourself with good self-care of every kind. Love the people around you and find ways to let them know they are loved. Let love be the inspiration for all of the ways you can serve and create now. Let it be the guiding force in your life.

I am here to support you in two ways

I was moved to offer an open conversation I called Creating the Way Forward on Saturday via Zoom. It was wonderful to have time with great women to process and share and inspire one another other in many beautiful ways.

I will offer another Creating the Way Forward conversation again soon. If you are on my email list, look for an email from me, or check my posts on social media for the next session, and request a link to join in. 

And, reach out to me if you want some one-on-one support. I have opened three spots on my calendar this week for free Creating My Way calls, and will continue to offer them in the weeks ahead. Reach out to request one.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to realign when you’ve lost momentum

We all get off track from time to time. This happened to me last week. After a great (but hectic) week of business travel I returned to lead a retreat with my group coaching clients. While I loved it all, it wasn’t long before my body had had enough.

I first lost my voice, then lost energy and got achy, and I had no choice but to slow down, rest, and heal for the rest of week two.

Happily, I am now on the mend. But I am facing a big back-log of tasks. 

It’s a challenge to get back in your groove when you have been knocked off course — whether by travel, illness, a family emergency, an emotional rough patch, or anything else.

Here are 3 tips I use to get back on track

1. Go slow

If you are anything like me and the accomplished women I work with, you are an achiever. You work hard — often too hard. This is not the time to follow your impulse is to jump back in and tackle your backlog fast. You will likely sabotage yourself with that approach.

Be thoughtful as you give yourself permission to build up to your usually pace.

Ask yourself these questions:
• What can I delegate, get help with, or defer?
• What to-do's have the highest priority, that I can map on my calendar now?
• What low-hanging fruit can I batch and take care of quickly?
• How can best I communicate to those waiting for replies that I will get back to them soon?

Resist the urge to over-promise. It’s always better to set a reasonable expectation and meet it — or delivery early.

2. Show yourself some love

You may need to set a later wake-up alarm than usual, or skip your usual morning work-out. Or, you may find you have a productive morning and then your energy wanes. Listen to your body! Give yourself the rest, nutrition and movement that you need. 

If your muscles ache, schedule a massage. If a nap will refresh you, go for it! If you are stressed, take a break and meditate, draw, or walk around the block. 

Self care now, coupled with self-compassion, will pay big dividends.

3. Steadily pick up the pace

You will know when you are ready to work a full day again. In most cases, careful pacing and attention to self care will help you to catch up and resume your usual routines fairly quickly.

This is a great time to reflect and reassess. Think about the balance in your life, and the intensity at which you had become accustomed to living. Maybe pushing a bit less hard is a better pace for you in the long run. Maybe you discovered some new ways to work smarter, not harder. Maybe you introduced some self-care that you want to continue and make your ”new normal.“ 

This challenging period can teach you a lot. Take note of your insights.

I'd love for you to share what works best for you at times like these. We can all learn from one another. Or, if you have particular questions, ask them. Leave comments below, or email me, and I can share this feedback in a future post.

Stepping up in your life — or playing safe

After a powerful session with the women in my 4-month group coaching program, I reflected and realized how far each of them has come in the work. We are 3 months in, and while each woman has had a different focus for the work she’s doing in her life, each is courageously stepping up in ways that are impressive. They are all saying “YES” to their lives.

Observing their great work inspired me to share stories about what it has meant for these women to move beyond their comfort zones — which each of them has been doing.

What does it take to make bold moves?
How do you get started?
How do you stay on track, even when challenges arise?

Here is the first story in a series that I want to share with you.

What does it take to set a vision and step into action in spite of hesitance, resistance, and even fear?

1. Step one: Setting a big goal

Creating a long-range goal that entails stepping up to do something new — and something that’s outside of the space you operate in successfully and feel comfortable with today — requires courage.

When you have a big "Why" for something you really want to go for, you can more easily create a big goal.

My client has a vision for work she wants to do in five years. Is it a stretch? Yes. Is it important to her for a number of fundamental reasons? Yes. Knowing why it means so much to her helped her to get clear about what it will take to make it a reality and commit to moving ahead.

2. Step two: Getting started

Taking early steps was not so hard for this motivated woman. She reached out for coaching support. She used her network to meet with other women who had succeeded in doing what she wants to do and got their advice. She’s been doing research into this new kind of work and what it takes to get it. She joined a group of other women on this path in order to get education from the program and support from peers.

3. Step three: Keeping the momentum going

After getting the ball rolling, she hit a snag. It was time to begin creating a document to use to pursue this new work and a host of self-critics showed up.

First, the Impostor Syndrome came calling and asked: who is she to go for such a big opportunity? It reminded her that she does not have all of the typical expertise that is often sought after. And, Perfectionism showed up to impede her. She doubted that her efforts would be “good enough." These, in turn, invited Procrastination to join the party. Weeks went by without a single word written.

Coaching provided an antidote to the trio of self-critics. The first thing we addressed was helping her to believe that the distinctive expertise she has to offer is, in fact, important to many forward-looking organizations. An article in a respected business publication confirmed that fact. She was then able to acknowledge and own her expertise and ease up on the grip of the Imposter Syndrome. 

Perfectionism and Procrastination were shooed away by her making a commitment to write a really bad first rough draft of her document. After that she knows she can trust herself to edit it and get input from others to polish and refine the work.

This woman is now fully on track to moving into a bigger future, knowing how she will be able to move through each phase of the process she is mapping out. And, the lessons she is learning and skills she is building as she pursues this big goal are helping her in her current work, as well as having a positive impact on her personal life.

Will she run into other challenges of confidence or resistance? Will fear show up as she moves ahead? Undoubtedly.

But, having a strong system in place to get the support and advice she needs will keep her moving forward. As well, she knows that these resources will accelerate her progress compared to going it alone.

I welcome you to comment below or email me and let me know about the big dreams you have, and how you are pursuing them — or, if you’re playing it safe but yearn to say “Yes!” to your life in new ways. What are your questions about getting started?

And, if you are curious to learn about private coaching, or the impact of my group coaching programs (I’m launching a new group program this fall), click on over to inquire about coaching. When you complete and submit the Coaching Inquiry Form, I’ll be in touch to make a date with you.

You can break free when you’re stuck — here’s how.

At my workshop I held recently, Dear Future: Getting ready for what's next, I led a group of remarkable, accomplished women through a series of exercises and experiences designed to help them take sure steps into the futures they want.

What I see every time I begin to work with great women like these, is how many similar challenges keep them stuck and frustrated. To the outer world, they look like dynamos. Inside, they often feel:

• Overwhelmed by their day-to-day lives — which makes it nearly impossible to get out of the weeds and see the big picture

• Rudderless — because they lack clarity about what they truly want

• Unsure about how to get moving forward — or how to sustain momentum when they do take first steps

• Plagued by perfectionism — which they recognize inhibits them, but nonetheless, they feel powerless to change

Do some of these issues resonate for you? 
Do they make you feel stuck too?

If the answer is “Yes” (to any or all of these challenges, or others that come to mind for you) I have good news.
You are not alone — and you can take these 3 sure steps to get unstuck:

1. Say no to isolation.

When we face a challenge in isolation, we compound the challenge. We circle around alone in the muddle of our mental clutter. Frustration builds and we struggle more. 

Some of us (and I was one of those women!) feel we need to figure things out alone. Seeking help makes us feel inadequate and ashamed about feeling unable to bring enough intelligence and determination to figure things out and solve problems ourselves.

And, because so many accomplished women tend to compare themselves to friends and colleagues, they think that they alone struggle with their challenges. If they could open up to other women, they’d know they are not alone — and they would be exposed to new ideas, strategies, and support.

When we look for opportunities to safely connect to and open up with peers, the benefits are enormous. 

2. Look for support

When you’re ready to end isolation, you have some choices. You can seek out ways to connect and get support like this:

• Reach out to a friend who cares deeply about your well-being, listens well, has some objectivity about the matter at hand, and is not oriented to telling you what to do or to "fixing" things for you. Not all of us have such a friend to turn to, but if you are fortunate to have that friend, invite her (or him) to spend some quiet time with you to listen to your concerns, and ask you questions that will help you find clarity and answers.

• Attend a workshop that’s focused on the challenge you face. Look for a leader whose message resonates for you and who will attract like-minded participants. Show up with the intention to be open and to learn.

• Consider working with a coach — either in a group coaching program or for one-on-one coaching support. Seek a seasoned coach with a strong track record and effective tools you can learn to use. But most of all, choose someone with whom you feel the right chemistry, trust, and eagerness to work with. Seek someone who will lovingly challenge you and call you out when you make excuses; someone who will see more possibilities for you than you may be able to see for yourself; someone who will hold you accountable to the commitments you make.

3. Take a first step — even a small one!

It may sound obvious, but when you are in a place where you’re stuck, you overlook the fact that taking action is required to get unstuck. It will likely feel pretty uncomfortable to take action when you feel uncertain or unclear about what to do. But action is what’s called for, and this is the time to urge yourself to move forward in spite of some discomfort. 

Remember that you can begin small! Your first small steps will get you in motion, and momentum can build from there. Here are some great options:

• Make a list of people who you'd feel could be good listeners related to what’s on your mind. Your next step will be to choose one of those people to invite to meet with you for coffee and a conversation.

• Think of someone who has moved through a challenge similar to one you are facing and reach out to ask if they have resources to suggest.

• Check out coaches that colleagues recommend or web searches bring to your attention.

• Purchase the Roadmap to Clarity, a process I developed that will guide you to get clear about a question on your mind. It will also help you to identify and implement small action steps that will bring meaningful change into your life. (Lots of women have used the Roadmap to Clarity and I’ve received tremendous feedback on its impact. And, you can use it many times, to address a range of challenges you want to work through.)

The wonderful news is that when you start taking action — even small action — and make a commitment to continue taking small steps, you will realize that you are no longer stuck! You will be on a path to creating the changes you want in your life. And, as you bring in desired change, you will usher in more joy and satisfaction. Keep moving, and the true experience of Living Big will be yours!

Drop me a note or leave a comment below to let me know what you try, and what works best for you to get unstuck. 

And, I am happy to extend an open invitation to you to schedule a complimentary Introductory Coaching Call with me. Simply complete the Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to make a date with you.

Is this the year you’ll get unstuck?

Here we are on New Year’s eve. 2018 is starting in just a few hours. This is a moment to bid farewell to 2017 and consider what you will create in your life in 2018.

I recently wrote to you with suggestions for end-of-year reflecting. If you missed it, it's not too late to do some thoughtful looking back — and taking that look will certainly inform your perspectives on the new year you are stepping into.

When we commit to making time to look with clear eyes at the year that’s ending, it helps us to be in the delicate moment of “in-between” — the space between the end of where we have been and who we can become. This is a rich moment for thought, for appreciating ourselves, and for creating a personal vision for the future. And, with a vision for the new year — whether it’s clear or less well-defined — you will be able to start setting intentions for what you want to create in your life this year.

As I have experienced over the years, there is a great deal to learn when we look clearly at our past — not to rehash or to sit with regret, but to see it all and have it inform our lives moving forward. Because we all have things to acknowledge and celebrate. And we all have things that trip us up and block us. 

Life gives us these challenges over and over  — and thus there is endless opportunity for personal growth and expansion. Some things tend to trip us up again and again, but with insight, guidance, and new approaches, we can learn to deal with them better over time. And, when new kinds of challenges show up, as they inevitably do, we are able to apply what we have learned and make our way with more insight, confidence, and ease.

Are there a few “quick-fix” steps I can rattle off to help you get past your personal blocks? 

No. 

We are complex beings. I know from diving into the work I have done over the years that it is possible to find the path to mastering challenges when these ingredients are in place:

Willingness 
You must be willing to engage in serious work. True transformation and growth occur when you are willing to embrace the mystery and go deep.

Belief 
We become what we believe. When you believe that you matter, you do not put yourself last. You are able to take steps to create what you desire in your life.

Commitment
It’s both necessary and worthwhile to build structure and space in our lives to create the future we desire. A deep commitment to yourself entails bringing the focus, and expending the effort, that are required to make important change.

This is what I teach my clients and share at my workshops, and yet I am called on over and over to return to the fundamentals of willingness, belief, and commitment as I expand and grow in my life. We never reach ”perfect“ and the learning never stops! This is ongoing work, but the beauty is that over time you will have tools to reach for, mindsets shifts to reflect back on, and strategies to employ. These help me — and can help you — to break through and climb ever higher. You can create an amazing future. You have the power to shape your life.

My intention is to bring you new and exciting ways to grow in the year ahead. Here are a number of ways I can serve you:

1. Experience coaching in a group. I will be launching a new group coaching program this year, following the success (and extended) coaching group I offered this year. Details will be coming soon.

2. Get support to make deep, lasting change. I am always happy to talk to you about what private coaching can look like for you. This is the most powerful way I can support you to get beyond the challenges that limit you to realize tremendous personal growth.

3. And, if you have a question, or an issue you are unsure about how to approach, I welcome you to drop me an email. Or, let’s make a date for a call. I am happy to help you think through what’s on your mind.

I would love to hear about significant insights you’ve had from reflecting on the last year, and the intentions you have for what you want to create in 2018. Leave a comment below, or email me to let me know. 

May this be your year to get unstuck and experience incredible growth and expansion!

Sending you heartfelt wishes for abundant happiness, love and creativity in 2018. Let’s all LIVE BIG in the year ahead.

The beauty and power of a poem

Creativity has so much to offer us as a way to process emotions and express what we feel. Many of us are experiencing a lot of emotion in the aftermath of the election, and I urge you to do something creative with the energy connected to your emotions.

You may feel like pulling out paints or digging in your garden. You may feel like dancing to loud music or playing a musical instrument. I wrote a poem today.

I encourage you to try creating poetry. It's so basic and simple. All you need is a paper and pen, or a keyboard, and you can get started. A great approach is to write a 3-minute poem. Just set a timer and start expressing what you are feeling. Your poem needn't rhyme — just let your thoughts flow and see what happens.

If you like that, you can play with other forms and lengths of poetry writing. It is an enormously satisfying way to express yourself and to feel relief if you are struggling with challenging emotions.

I would love for us to share poems, so please add yours in the comments below. Let's start a bit of a creative movement to heal ourselves and heal the world.

Here is the poem I wrote today:

Our challenges can be our greatest teachers

I recently wrote about how you can deal with set-backs, which are inevitable in life. As a nation, at this moment, many of us are feeling like we are experiencing an emotional setback, feeling significantly challenged. I’ve been grappling with and thinking a lot about how we respond to challenges that are big, small, or huge.

Our typical challenges can be related to something like working on an important project and finding things going well, but then suddenly getting paralyzed and feeling unsure about how to get going again. Or, maybe you’ve had a great idea, done your thinking, research, and planning to implement it, and then have found it daunting to get started. Or, you’ve been offered a great opportunity and feel thrilled, but then a deep freeze overtakes you just when you need to take action.

You may be reflecting on a day-to day challenge, or you may be contending with a more emotional and existential challenge — like the fear and anxiety that have come up for so many people after an election result that feels frightening and overwhelming.

It is easy to find yourself in such situations, and to respond in ways that do not serve you. Sometimes we beat ourselves up, letting our self-critic go wild. Responding like that digs us into a deeper hole, and what follows is despair. Sometimes we simply curl up into a ball and “go fetal”, or numb ourselves with binge eating, getting lost in distraction for hours on end, or turning to alcohol. Sometimes we lash out at others.

So, what can be done when challenges grip you? And, what can we learn at these times?

1. First, get quiet. Start by sitting with yourself and breathing. Just breathe deeply and get calm. You might want to place your hands on your heart and feel the rhythm of your blood pumping. Don't try to “fix” anything and don’t judge yourself. Instead, simply let the anxiety you are feeling settle down and soften. Let yourself connect to the feeling of love, and love whatever comes up for you. Witnessing your fears lets your emotions and thoughts become clear. You can be present with them, name the emotions you recognize, and trust that doing that will make it easier to begin to move ahead.

2. Remind yourself of what you have lived through before that felt impossibly challenging at the time. When you recall times that you suffered grief, or feared external threats, or were able to find your way to taking action after being totally stuck, you give yourself a gift. Maybe you will recall how you were comforted, or that you felt better when you comforted someone else, and how that freed you to take action. Maybe you will recall that a trusted friend was able to help you see a way forward when you felt you were in a dark place with no path forward. Consider the fact that the situation you are facing now may be calling on you to show up in a bigger way, to move beyond your fear, to do something important.

3. Steer clear of drama, commit to taking a small step toward what you want, and find the lessons in these moments. When you are quiet and focused, you can keep drama at bay — your own drama, or that of others around you — so that you can stay clear and centered. You can notice when your self-critic has intruded, or irrational thoughts are getting in your way, and know that they are just thoughts and do not have to be given power. You can appreciate that you are able to impact the world in beautiful and meaningful ways when you commit to taking a small step forward, then another. And, you can commit to continuing to take those steps until you approach, or reach, the outcome you desire. It may mean persevering in the face of discomfort, but taking those small steps (even taking imperfect action!) will create positive momentum. You can appreciate that you have learned new ways of responding to a challenge, so that when this kind of stress hits again (which it inevitably will), you will have new ways of coping, rather than feeling defeated as you may have been in the past.

These challenging experiences offer you a way to practice being kind to yourself, to be open and willing to accept the way you tend to react, and to celebrate that you are changing old patterns. I urge you to recognize and celebrate each step you take, and celebrate all of your progress — even if you backslide from time to time (as we all do). The key is to gently get back on the right track, and celebrate that you have learned to keep moving forward with small, positive steps.

The wonderful thing about living consciously is that you learn and grow from every situation you experience. Let me know what you think about these ideas, and if they help you.

How to deal with a setback

Life is full of ups and downs. We think we can control so much in our lives, and sometimes we can. But, there are times that reality hands us unforeseen challenges. And when that happens, the question is, how do we respond?

Setbacks can show up in many forms. For me in the recent past, I’ve experienced a bit of a health setback that took me by surprise. But you may be facing unexpected challenges that range from a problem at work, to an unexpected issue with a child or parent, to a life interruption caused by mother nature, to a late snag in a big project, to a stalled negotiation, or any number of other scenarios.

When something like this happens, how do you respond? Do you feel panic? Become a bundle of nerves? Worry excessively? Here are 3 ways to think about and work through a challenge you face.

1. Get all of the information you can.

This may mean doing your homework, arranging to get the medical care you need, doing research, considering all of your options, advocating for yourself, and reaching out for help and support. I suggest talking through all of this with someone you trust to listen well and help you find answers — those that are external, and those you need to dig for in yourself.

2. Look at all points of view.

This is something we rarely do. We think things through in our heads and come to a point of view without turning the question around, without considering the way others see the issue, or without asking to find out how someone else would approach a similar challenge. What we think at a given moment is not necessarily the whole truth, or the only way forward. From what angle are you looking at the problem? Where are you focused? What might you be missing if you don't consider many points of view? How can you look at a wider view of the situation? Get curious and bravely look at all the angles and possibilities.

3. Be patient, courageous, persevere, and keep things in perspective.

It is normal to feel fear, anxiety, impatience, and distress when things go awry. And, it’s easy to lose the true perspective of the impact of the setback. It takes trust and patience — with yourself and others — as well as determination and courage, to slow down, attain the information you need, and consider many points of view. By patiently doing that, rather than reacting and rushing forward impulsively, you are more able to find a clear and positive path. You are able to persevere and to do what needs to be done — even when none of this was in your plans.

And, when you find yourself pulling through the challenge — both along the way and when you are on the other side of it — be sure to acknowledge what you accomplished. Savor and celebrate your patience, trust and successes. Don’t rush into whatever is next without appreciating and acknowledging your efforts.

These are basic ways you can coach yourself when life unexpectedly throws obstacles in your path. You may have other ideas about how to find and build resilience. Let me know what you think about it and what has worked for you.

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If you’re looking for help along this journey, you can consider having a coach to support you to get clear about the life and work questions on your mind — to live the big life you long for — so that you can set clear objectives and get help to step into your future with intention and commitment. If that’s something you want to explore, I welcome you to set up an Introductory Coaching Call with me. There’s no cost or obligation for us to meet. Simply complete the Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to make a date with you.