Venturing beyond comfort zones

This past weekend I attended a writing retreat. A year and a half ago I ventured into the world of personal writing for the first time, having no idea of whether I would like it, and harboring doubt that I would be “good at it.”

It’s easy to shy away from new things

Writing had not been easy or fun for me in school and long after I entered the work world. When I started sending out my Big Ideas newsletters a decade ago, I easily found topics I wanted to share but I did not write with ease. 

As with most things, when you care about doing something — in my case, having ideas I was passionate about sharing — it is easy to commit to doing it. And the more you stick with doing that thing the more you facility you develop for doing it.

Writing weekly articles has become far easier, and something I now do with joy.

But the idea of trying to write from my heart — personal stories or fictional essays — seemed mysterious and daunting.

Did I have a big “WHY” for trying it, like I have for my weekly articles?

Not really.

Did I have curiosity about trying a new expressive form with the guidance of a teacher I’d met who seemed like a gentle and gifted person?

Yes.

I have become more and more willing to step out of my comfort zone as I’ve strengthened the muscles of being a creator in a broad range of ways.

So I challenged myself to explore this new medium and experience what “writing from the deep voice” could feel like.

The act of creating can be challenging

Meeting Leslie Berliant and stepping into the magic of her teaching has enriched my life in unexpected and wonderful ways. She nurtures and supports great women to birth remarkable stories and books. 

I am so glad I allowed myself to explore this new form of creative expression.

And yet, creative flow has often proven to be elusive, as it was at the start of this weekend’s retreat.

I have frequently had the same challenge when I enter my studio to paint. 

Getting past what feels like a brick wall to find flow is something I am still learning to do with patience.

Because being patient and loving to myself is always the key when ideas and inspiration feel inaccessible.

At the retreat it was easy to compare myself to the other (incredibly talented) writhers in the room. It was tempting at times to say I did not want to share what I'd just spent an hour writing. However, that was not an option!

What I learned was that staying open, connecting to all of my emotions, giving myself time, dropping self-judgement, and choosing to find gratitude and pleasure along the way were the keys to breaking through the barrier.

Words gradually began to flow with more ease.

I also learned (again!), that none of us can judge our own work. 

As we wrote for our last block of time on Sunday, I shared something I thought was all right. The response I got from everyone in the room was pure delight at what I had read. One person declared it felt like the start of a novel she would love to read!

Clearly, the small breakthrough I thought I had had was bigger than I was able to assess.

Magic can happen when you find your process and keep going

It’s easy to feel discouraged when inspiration feels elusive. By trusting and staying in a place of possibility, you can remain open and continue to write, or paint, or come up with new directions, concepts and ideas.

If you find yourself feeling a bit stuck or blocked, make any small effort to keep going. Then take another small step and see what shows up.

You may experience a breakthrough, too. 

After the writing retreat, a group of us did a live reading from the latest anthology, Writrix Volume Two: Rays of Light, at the Brookline Booksmith. You can watch the reading on YouTube here, and you can order a copy of the book here.

Savoring the creative work of others at the writing retreat

Getting ready to read at Brookline Booksmith

Sharing my work at the podium at our book reading

Step into new possibilities

Most people live in their comfort zone, where it feels safe — and comfortable! That was familiar territory for me. I lived in a cozy, if small, comfort zone for years.

I recall how uncomfortable it was, when I first worked with a coach, to think of stepping outside of my comfort zone. The uncertainty I felt about a host of unknowns seemed daunting.

And, I learned that by choosing to look at things differently, I could also see opportunity.

What if you focused on curiosity and exploration rather than fear?

For some people, a significant event shakes them up and inspires them to step beyond their comfort zone.

In my case, it was a slower process of building awareness that I was no longer content with the status quo. A soft voice inside me piped up to say that I was no longer excited about the work I’d been doing for decades and it was time for something to change.

And I said yes.

I was willing to trust myself, get curious and explore what was possible. Fear and resistance fell away.

Giving myself the opportunity to explore and make discoveries led me to fresh and exciting insights, and many new experiences. It wasn’t long before my new path became clear and I was energized to forge ahead.

What is simmering inside of you, related to your work, your relationships, an upcoming transition, or your satisfation with life?

What might it look like for you to open yourself up to new possibilities?

There is power in taking one small step 

Rather than staying where you are now — no matter where you are on the spectrum that spans dissatisfied, to uncertain, to eager for something new — I invite you to take a step across that invisible line at the edge of your comfort zone and the possibility of something new, different, bigger, better.

Start with saying a quite “Yes” to yourself — a “Yes” to taking a single, small step into new possibility.

• Your small step may be to make a change in a routine that feels stale.

• Your step might be to reach out to someone and talk about an idea that intrigues you.

• You might try something different, like a new way of moving your body, or a new way of creating to express yourself.

• Your step can be taken at your desk, or on an excursion to a place that inspires you.

• You might explore ideas you have now, or generate new ideas to consider.

Any new step counts. Start and then take another step (in the same direction or a different one).

Getting into motion builds momentum. So set an intention to take action.

Are you ready to begin?

Most people wait for the “right time” to take a new step. And most people put off action because they are never sure they are “ready.”

I urge you to start today — simply take one small step over the line into new possibility!

And you might make that step a call with me. You can book a quick intro call to share what’s going on in your life, and what you yearn for. (There’s no pressure, cost or obligation for us to talk.)

If you avoid discomfort you’re not alone

Human beings like to be comfortable. And who can blame us? Feeling comfortable — physically and emotionally — is certainly nicer than discomfort.

But staying in our comfort zone, avoiding the discomfort of stepping up to try new things and experience personal growth, is different.

Because when we stay static, play safe, or live a small version of what is possible for us, just to remain comfortable, we cheat ourselves.

As I wrote last week, even accomplished women who yearn for more — to show up and be fully authentic, to reach for the next level in their work, to live the life they yearn for on their terms — can get mired in doubt and stay stuck.

Why? As much as they may want to change, they resist stepping into that change because they fear it will be uncomfortable.

Is the thought of some discomfort keeping you stuck?

Maybe thoughts like these are holding you back:

• I may not be up to the task — what if I fail?

• I'm really not good enough to do what I’m dreaming of.

• I’m not enough.

• I don’t feel worthy; I do not deserve what I desire.

• I’m afraid of what other people will say — if I can’t make the change, or even if I succeed.

• Some people will disapprove of what I want to do.

• I’ll be horribly embarrassed if I fall short.

• I feel ashamed that it’s taken me so long to get started. It’s easier not to even try.

Yes, even considering these thoughts can get uncomfortable.

And if any of them (or several) ring true for you, you are not alone!

Most people — even super-accomplished people — have had many of these concerns. And many have moved forward in spite of them.

What you may be ready to consider

When you read through the list above, did you feel a stirring to stretch a bit? Might you be willing to get a little uncomfortable and try to take some new steps in your life?

Maybe one or more of these possibilities feel “ripe” for you now:

• I want to go after something new.

• I’m willing to examine my life.

• I want to figure out what’s next for me that will light me up.

• I feel ready to expand and grow.

• I want to be more self-relient, be more in command of my life.

• I want to make a bold move in my career or business or personal life.

• I am ready to bring a new relationship into my life.

• There’s something I am not willing to tolerate any more.

You can safely begin to test the waters

If you responded to something on the list above — or something different and meaningful came up for you — here’s how to start to take small steps toward the expansion and change you seek.

Consider these 4 suggestions:

1. Ask someone you admire if they made it to where they are today without concern about some discomfort.

If they are willing to honestly share with you, you are likely to hear a great story about what it was like for them before, how they faced the discomfort of stepping into change, and how they reached the place they are today.

With that inspiration, think about ways you can get started making some change in your life.

2. Check out my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life.

Lots of people have been telling me how helpful Live Big is for them now. They have shared that doing some of the exercises and practices in various chapters of the book has been really great. The book offers many safe ways to be guided to gently step into making meaningful change. (And, the book is on sale through Thursday, so this is a great time to get a copy for yourself, stock up for gifts, and send copies to friends.)

3. Choose a step to take now, to activate a change.

If, for instance, you want to learn something new, or want to consider a career shift to a new industry, you might search for videos to start exploring what’s involved. You can invite someone with that background to have a virtual coffee date. You can look for a short course to take.

The idea is to start! Even small steps get you in motion, and those small steps will not feel too uncomfortable. From there you can gain momentum.

4. Reach out for help.

Do you have a friend who is interested in making change in her life? You can ask if she wants to be an accountability partner for you, and you for her.

Or better yet, you can ask for the help of a pro.

My journey of expansion and transformation started when I got help. I was not looking for it, but the universe introduced me to a coach, and for the first time in my life, I said “Yes” to getting help.

Was it uncomfortable to be asked big questions I’d never asked myself, and look clearly at my life? You bet it was. But I also felt safe, knowing I was being guided by a brilliant and loving coach every step of the way.

And my life today is the reward.

I have never stopped being coached — in fact I have several coaches now, to support me in different parts of my life and work. That’s how I continue to grow and expand in my life.

Sure, I run up against some discomfort each time I begin to move out of my current comfort zone. But having support makes a world of difference.

If you want to explore what support can look like, let’s talk

I invite you to make a date with me for a Live Big Breakthrough Call — there’s no cost or obligation. I ask only one thing: that you are serious about exploring what making significant change can be like for you.

Share your challenges and your dreams. I’ll provide new insights and perspectives about what’s in your way now, as well as what is possible. And if the fit feels good, we can talk about how I may be able to help you make your dreams a reality.

Click here to find a spot on my calendar.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Now is the time to shape your vision. Here’s how.

It’s easy — and comfortable — to focus only on the day-today, where you are now. When you keep doing the things that come easily, things you do out of habit, and living the way you’re used to, on and on without question, you cheat yourself.

When you never sit back and take a long view you fail to consider big questions and new possibilities.

What you do now matters in the long term!

Because when you live without pausing to consider what you really want, and what it will take to shift to make that desire our reality, you stay stuck where you are.

After all, when you keep doing things the same way, you are sure to get the same results.

It may feel challenging to get your head around asking big questions about the life you want to live, and what changes may be needed to make it a reality.

Why not set aside a few minutes to get clear? My 6-part framework is a great way to approach the process.

Look ahead and consider 6 key domains of your life

Sit back in a quiet spot and get comfortable. Have a notebook handy, and maybe a cup of tea.

Close your eyes and think about your life a few months from now, and a year from now. Ask yourself what you want that life to look like. What can you envision that connects to the desires in your heart?

Think about your work

Do you want to make changes — either in the kind of work you do, where you do it, the level you yearn to reach, or who you want to work with each day? Do you want your work to have a bigger impact, or a new focus?

Think about your relationships

Are there any relationships in your life that you realize your are tolerating, that you want to change, or maybe end? Are there some relationships you miss and want to add? Are there some you want to focus on and improve? Are there some wonderful relationships that you want to make a bigger part of your day-to-day life?

Think about your environment

Consider your living space and your work space. Does your environment support your well-being? Are there pockets of clutter around you that sap your energy? Is your environment calm, does it function well, is it a pleasure to live in? Do you have adequate comfort? Do you have access to nature, if that matters to you? What would make your environment more supportive of your day-to-day happiness?

Think about your physical and emotional well-being

Are you eating well? Are you getting enough regular exercise? Do you move in ways that make you happy, or do you want to switch things up? How is the quality of your sleep? Do you get enough rest each day? Are you irritable or content?

Think about your spirit

Does your spirit soar, or do you feel discontent or restless? Do you have a spiritual practice, or wish for a more satisfying one? Do you feel connected to your purpose? Do you trust and believe in yourself? Do you feel inspired and hopeful?

Think about the legacy you want to leave

Have you paused to think about your legacy? What are you doing now that will leave a mark that matters to you — be it with those closest to you, or that will impact your community, or maybe the world? What can you bring into your life, or make a focus, that will leave a meaningful legacy?

After spending time with these questions, you may have a few notes or pages of thoughts!

Consider what showed up in your notes

Do you realize that you want to step into a bigger, clearer, more intentional life? Do you envision being on a path to a life that will light you up in bigger ways?

The vision for your future might be focused on your work, on more personal expression, on the quality of your relationships, or a combination of factors that will bring you joy and satisfaction.

Savor the images that light up your heart. Sit with them, and begin to see them as your future reality.

Now is the perfect time to make your vision a reality

It can feel wonderful to envision a new future, and in the next breath it can feel really scary to think about stepping out of your comfort zone.

It can feel daunting to imagine yourself making the changes you envision in any (or several) of the domains — or even figuring out what first steps you can take.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and so afraid that you do nothing.

But doing nothing to stay comfortable in the short-term eclipses the possibilities for big benefits down the road.

Maybe, if you think about it, it’s actually scarier to keep living the same way you are now, and never creating the life you truly desire.

Let’s talk about your fears, and the life you really want

If you are serious about exploring what it looks like to begin making your vision a a reality, let’s have a conversation.

On a Live Big Breakthrough Call you can share both the changes you want to make in your future, and the fears and obstacles that are in the way. I promise that you will gain new insights and perspective.

And if you want to hear about my coaching programs (including the next Live Big Live!), and if I believe the fit is good, we’ll talk about the possibilities for working together.

I believe that everything great begins with a meaningful conversation. I welcome you to make a date with me today.

How ready are you to make a change?

Do you yearn to make a change in your life?

Do you feel stuck in a job that stresses you out, doesn't light you up anymore, or pays you well but is unsatisfying? Do you dream of starting something new? Is external change coming at you and you have an opportunity to rethink what you really want? Does the prospect of an empty nest open possibilities you want to explore?

I speak with women who ponder questions like these all the time. 

And I truly relate — because that’s just where I was a decade ago. The business I’d founded and was proud to have built was no longer exciting me. I knew I was ready for something new, but had no idea what it would be or how to figure it out.

The only way to make change in your life is to be willing to change.

Lots of women want to make a change in their professional or personal life, but the prospect of having to change — changing outlooks, habits, getting out of your comfort zone — can be scary. And when we are afraid, we have a tendency to shrink back and cling hard to the known quantity of the status quo.

Are you clinging, or are you ready to embrace the process of change?

I remember thinking it would be great to magically make the perfect change happen. But I knew, as you do, that there is no fairy dust that will instantly make the situation you are currently tolerating perfect — or a magic pill that will give you the answer to what your next great career move ought to be (or the best move forward in your personal life).

That's why so many women tolerate what they say they want to change. It can feel daunting to step into the process of change, or even know how to get started.

Here is how to get clear, and how to move forward if you’re ready to change your life.

1. Assess your level of desire.

Ask yourself these questions: 
How tired am I of what I have been tolerating? 
How much do I want to bring change into my life? 
Do I want it enough to take a big new step — even if that means calling on myself to be bold?

In my case, I knew I was willing to initiate a change and step into the work of finding a new career direction that would excite me when I woke up every morning. (I had been longing for that missing feeling for too long!)

What about you?

When you answer these questions honestly, you’ll know if you are ready to start on the path of change.

2. If you want to get started, get support.

Embarking on a big change is easiest if you have a guide to help you. This is not a good DIY project! Getting support will not only ease the anxiety this decision may bring up, it will accelerate the pace at which you will move through the process of change.

With the help of a seasoned coach, you will be in safe hands as you get clear about what you want, assess your best opportunities, and move forward. 

3. Embrace the process.

This powerful, life-changing work will teach you so much. Anticipate it with excitement! 

Even as you will be called on to look deep, and set a course that may have unexpected turns along the way, you'll have help. That help will support you when discomfort arises as you step outside of your comfort zone, rise and grow, and then face new moments that call for courage.

This process is an incredible path to growth. 

This is how you make your desires your reality. 

This is how you can transform your life!

I have lived this process, and am honored to guide women through it every day. I know that you can proceed with confidence when you invest in yourself and your future, as I did a decade ago. 
I now live with the delight of a life that fulfills me in more ways than I ever imagined possible. I’d love to see that happen for you.

Let’s talk about the future you want to create — what’s possible for you.

Drop me a note, or leave a comment below, if you feel ready to consider initiating big and important change in your life.