If you avoid discomfort you’re not alone

Human beings like to be comfortable. And who can blame us? Feeling comfortable — physically and emotionally — is certainly nicer than discomfort.

But staying in our comfort zone, avoiding the discomfort of stepping up to try new things and experience personal growth, is different.

Because when we stay static, play safe, or live a small version of what is possible for us, just to remain comfortable, we cheat ourselves.

As I wrote last week, even accomplished women who yearn for more — to show up and be fully authentic, to reach for the next level in their work, to live the life they yearn for on their terms — can get mired in doubt and stay stuck.

Why? As much as they may want to change, they resist stepping into that change because they fear it will be uncomfortable.

Is the thought of some discomfort keeping you stuck?

Maybe thoughts like these are holding you back:

• I may not be up to the task — what if I fail?

• I'm really not good enough to do what I’m dreaming of.

• I’m not enough.

• I don’t feel worthy; I do not deserve what I desire.

• I’m afraid of what other people will say — if I can’t make the change, or even if I succeed.

• Some people will disapprove of what I want to do.

• I’ll be horribly embarrassed if I fall short.

• I feel ashamed that it’s taken me so long to get started. It’s easier not to even try.

Yes, even considering these thoughts can get uncomfortable.

And if any of them (or several) ring true for you, you are not alone!

Most people — even super-accomplished people — have had many of these concerns. And many have moved forward in spite of them.

What you may be ready to consider

When you read through the list above, did you feel a stirring to stretch a bit? Might you be willing to get a little uncomfortable and try to take some new steps in your life?

Maybe one or more of these possibilities feel “ripe” for you now:

• I want to go after something new.

• I’m willing to examine my life.

• I want to figure out what’s next for me that will light me up.

• I feel ready to expand and grow.

• I want to be more self-relient, be more in command of my life.

• I want to make a bold move in my career or business or personal life.

• I am ready to bring a new relationship into my life.

• There’s something I am not willing to tolerate any more.

You can safely begin to test the waters

If you responded to something on the list above — or something different and meaningful came up for you — here’s how to start to take small steps toward the expansion and change you seek.

Consider these 4 suggestions:

1. Ask someone you admire if they made it to where they are today without concern about some discomfort.

If they are willing to honestly share with you, you are likely to hear a great story about what it was like for them before, how they faced the discomfort of stepping into change, and how they reached the place they are today.

With that inspiration, think about ways you can get started making some change in your life.

2. Check out my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life.

Lots of people have been telling me how helpful Live Big is for them now. They have shared that doing some of the exercises and practices in various chapters of the book has been really great. The book offers many safe ways to be guided to gently step into making meaningful change. (And, the book is on sale through Thursday, so this is a great time to get a copy for yourself, stock up for gifts, and send copies to friends.)

3. Choose a step to take now, to activate a change.

If, for instance, you want to learn something new, or want to consider a career shift to a new industry, you might search for videos to start exploring what’s involved. You can invite someone with that background to have a virtual coffee date. You can look for a short course to take.

The idea is to start! Even small steps get you in motion, and those small steps will not feel too uncomfortable. From there you can gain momentum.

4. Reach out for help.

Do you have a friend who is interested in making change in her life? You can ask if she wants to be an accountability partner for you, and you for her.

Or better yet, you can ask for the help of a pro.

My journey of expansion and transformation started when I got help. I was not looking for it, but the universe introduced me to a coach, and for the first time in my life, I said “Yes” to getting help.

Was it uncomfortable to be asked big questions I’d never asked myself, and look clearly at my life? You bet it was. But I also felt safe, knowing I was being guided by a brilliant and loving coach every step of the way.

And my life today is the reward.

I have never stopped being coached — in fact I have several coaches now, to support me in different parts of my life and work. That’s how I continue to grow and expand in my life.

Sure, I run up against some discomfort each time I begin to move out of my current comfort zone. But having support makes a world of difference.

If you want to explore what support can look like, let’s talk

I invite you to make a date with me for a Live Big Breakthrough Call — there’s no cost or obligation. I ask only one thing: that you are serious about exploring what making significant change can be like for you.

Share your challenges and your dreams. I’ll provide new insights and perspectives about what’s in your way now, as well as what is possible. And if the fit feels good, we can talk about how I may be able to help you make your dreams a reality.

Click here to find a spot on my calendar.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What I learned this year — and how you can learn from me

Saturday was the one year anniversary of the day my book launched — Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Live has celebrated its first year in the world!

January 30 is a clear marker in time for me, and it’s exciting to recall all that's happened in the year related to publishing and introducing my book.

We have all thought a lot about the unexpected impact of the pandemic in 2020, something I could not imagine lay ahead on the day of the launch. I had so many plans that fell away or changed when we went into lockdown.

Many of us have have focused on recalling the challenges of 2020. There certainly were lots of them, and we have a long road ahead to be sure. And yet, we can always chose the filter for our reflections.

When I reflect on the first year LIVE BIG has been in the world I feel enormous gratitude.

I am grateful for everything I learned on my journey of writing and publishing the book. (In fact, I could write another book about that journey!) Most of all, I appreciate the steep learning curve I climbed and that I did not give up, even when things got complicated and frustrating.

I am grateful for the amazing reviews that I reached out and requested, and were written for the book in advance.

I am grateful for, and proud of, how I stepped into being visible in a bigger way, overcoming the discomfort of doing Facebook Lives, then hosting a live 3-hour launch party. I am also proud about the speaking and podcast appearances I now feel at ease doing, but which were a stretch back in early 2020.

I am grateful that I sought out and received wonderful help and support from many special people, without whom this project and the launch would have been far different.

I am grateful that I created new and exciting ways to share the story of the book, when book signings and personal appearances were not possible.

Most of all, I am grateful for the many readers who have not only shared their enthusiasm for the book, many in 5-star Amazon reviews and in notes to me (one included the photo above!), they also gifted the book to friends, family members and clients. That is a huge honor and it fills my heart with joy.

What can you look back on with gratitude — and how can you carry that energy into 2021?

We can all find evidence of ways we learned, responded and created in new ways in 2020 that can inspire us now.

As we step into this second month of the year, what lessons learned, what insights and appreciations can you take note of to build on, to make this year one you can look back on with pride and gratitude?

Why not take some time for reflection? Make notes of all the things for which you feel grateful.

If there are big things, like a major project you worked on or completed, break down all the parts that you can appreciate, and savor each one.

And be sure you note the small things from last year — like setting a good boundary, or making more time for self-care, or having the courage to have an important conversation that was on your mind, or responding to new challenges with fresh ideas. Often what we think of as small things have enormous importance, so don’t overlook or minimize any of the small things.

When you leverage the energy of gratitude remarkable things can happen.

I lived a long time without the insights I share with you each week. Learning about and bringing gratitude into my life in a focused way is one great asset I now make a focus each day.

Your path to living a bigger, happier, more satisfying life does not need to be as steep or take as long as my path took me.

And you don’t need to figure it out alone.

I am happiest when I help other women to get past their limitations, learn to bring great tools into their lives, and step into truly living big. Let’s have a conversation about what's happening in your life, the dreams and desires in your heart, and how you can get past what limits you to live the life you want.

I invite you to book a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, or email me directly and we’ll make a date to talk.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to realign when you’ve lost momentum

We all get off track from time to time. This happened to me last week. After a great (but hectic) week of business travel I returned to lead a retreat with my group coaching clients. While I loved it all, it wasn’t long before my body had had enough.

I first lost my voice, then lost energy and got achy, and I had no choice but to slow down, rest, and heal for the rest of week two.

Happily, I am now on the mend. But I am facing a big back-log of tasks. 

It’s a challenge to get back in your groove when you have been knocked off course — whether by travel, illness, a family emergency, an emotional rough patch, or anything else.

Here are 3 tips I use to get back on track

1. Go slow

If you are anything like me and the accomplished women I work with, you are an achiever. You work hard — often too hard. This is not the time to follow your impulse is to jump back in and tackle your backlog fast. You will likely sabotage yourself with that approach.

Be thoughtful as you give yourself permission to build up to your usually pace.

Ask yourself these questions:
• What can I delegate, get help with, or defer?
• What to-do's have the highest priority, that I can map on my calendar now?
• What low-hanging fruit can I batch and take care of quickly?
• How can best I communicate to those waiting for replies that I will get back to them soon?

Resist the urge to over-promise. It’s always better to set a reasonable expectation and meet it — or delivery early.

2. Show yourself some love

You may need to set a later wake-up alarm than usual, or skip your usual morning work-out. Or, you may find you have a productive morning and then your energy wanes. Listen to your body! Give yourself the rest, nutrition and movement that you need. 

If your muscles ache, schedule a massage. If a nap will refresh you, go for it! If you are stressed, take a break and meditate, draw, or walk around the block. 

Self care now, coupled with self-compassion, will pay big dividends.

3. Steadily pick up the pace

You will know when you are ready to work a full day again. In most cases, careful pacing and attention to self care will help you to catch up and resume your usual routines fairly quickly.

This is a great time to reflect and reassess. Think about the balance in your life, and the intensity at which you had become accustomed to living. Maybe pushing a bit less hard is a better pace for you in the long run. Maybe you discovered some new ways to work smarter, not harder. Maybe you introduced some self-care that you want to continue and make your ”new normal.“ 

This challenging period can teach you a lot. Take note of your insights.

I'd love for you to share what works best for you at times like these. We can all learn from one another. Or, if you have particular questions, ask them. Leave comments below, or email me, and I can share this feedback in a future post.

The trap of going it alone

Is there a big lesson you’ve learned the hard way in your life? A key lesson for me had to do with feeling like I had to do it all on my own. And I see it all the time in my coaching work. Lots of people are hung up on this issue.

Why do so many of us feel that if we don't figure it all out and do it all ourselves, we’re not good enough? Not smart enough? Not working hard enough? Not proving how capable we are?

This has been coming up over and over, so I want to shed light on the subject.

1. The root of the “I have to do it myself” mindset.

My story stemmed from a parent who was self-made (and very successful), and who took great pride in having done it all on his own. But the unspoken subtext of that message took me a long time to identify: there was shame if you needed to reach out for help. So, I was determined to prove my ability to do it all on my own. And that took a toll on me in many ways.

It was, frankly, impossible to be great at everything that needed to be done in my business, and exhausting to carry such a huge load in my family at the same time. When I finally sought help of many kinds, the pace of success in my work — and my personal life — was thrilling. (Early additions to what I think of as my “team” included my housekeeper, and later a brilliant coach. More recent additions to my team have been a fantastic bookkeeper and a great virtual assistant. Each person I bring into the mix lets me do more of what only I can do, and lets me do it better.)

Do you know the root of your story about doing it all on your own?

2. The “Am I worth it?” trap.

I see a lot of people who feel unworthy of asking for or getting help. This is a sign that lots more self-love is needed! Because we all deserve what’s best for us and what will let us be our best in the world. And, while making a financial investment in ourselves may feel daunting, there are options even when resources are limited. If you are a whiz at writing marketing copy, try and barter with someone who has a skill you need (say, nutritious cooking or deep-tissue massage) and would benefit from your services. Be creative to get the help that will make your life and work smoother and less stressful.

3. The “Where do I start?” question.

All of us are different, and we have different needs at different times in our lives. There's no “formula” for what help will be the most beneficial for you. You may need coaching support to make an important career change. You may need a great pet-sitter so you can travel on short notice without stress. Maybe investing in a personal trainer is what will make the biggest difference for you in the next year. Perhaps the services of a professional organizer will help you to resolve chronic low-level stress you feel when working in your office. Take the time to think about all aspects of your life and work, as you consider the kind of support that will benefit you the most. Then make it a priority to find the help you need.

Do you have a story about doing it all on your own — or what happened when you brought great help into your life? I’d love to hear it. Please leave a comment below.