How to stay grounded when stress shows up

All of us have ups and downs. But in the times we have been living through, many of us find ourselves dealing with stress more frequently than in the pre-COVID era, or find ourselves stressed in response to situations that never existed before.

And, stress is not to be taken lightly or blithely brushed aside.

How stress takes a toll

When we are stressed, our bodies release hormones that increase heart rate and breathing. Strained respiratory systems can lead to asthma and other difficulties.

Stress causes tension that can be mild to debilitating. Painful neck and shoulder muscles are common, as are headaches — that range in severity.

Stress can influence our diets, causing cascading problems like acid reflux and other GI disturbances. 

And then there’s the emotional toll of stress, ranging from anxiety to fatigue to overwhelm to depression.

Further, the more stress we have, and the longer it persists, the greater the negative impact it has on or lives.

We do have power, even in stressful circumstances

Even when things feel really hard — and even when we cannot control much that we used to be able to control — we always have choices.

And choosing deliberately can ground you in ways you may not realize is possible.

Follow these 3 steps and see what happens.

1. Choose your frame of mind

If you feel anxiety rising, choose to quiet your body and your mind. Sit and breathe for several minutes, or meditate. Try some 4x4 box breathing or butterfly tapping — that I describe on the Thriving Now page on my site, where you will find many other good resources, too.

You may also want to release emotions by creating.

A client recently said that having gained new insights in our work about the power of creativity to cope with emotion, she made a vivid drawing of the anxiety she felt and that help her to release it.

Another client said that enrolling in a dance class months ago has turned out to be one of her best decisions. She is amazed at how it has helped her cope in challenging times.

By calming your nervous system and releasing unwanted emotions, you will feel better in the moment, and you will set yourself up for better outcomes.

2. Ask yourself good questions.

We are often faced with matters that feel so big, with so many unknowns, that we get paralyzed.

Now that you've gotten calm and centered, try this. 

Get totally focused on the present, and your options and opportunities. Ask yourself questions like these:

• What is possible?

• What is possible that I never considered?

• What if it’s possible that...?

• What can I create that may sound crazy?

• What wild idea could be the germ of a new way forward?

3. Create your next best step, and the one after it.

When you allow yourself to decide on just your next best step, you take a lot of pressure off of yourself.

Simply make your next best decision. Create one next step. Then chose the next step to take that is right for you.

This is a wonderful way for you to own your power.

You can be a creator in each moment.

And as you create, you are able to be more grounded, rather than pulled into stress.

Where will this process take you?

I would love to hear about the ways these ideas help you to to stand in your power, master your mindset and make forward strides in your life, even when the circumstances around you are tough. 

This is how you can create your life one step at a time — how you create your future. 

If you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and how to get there, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, the changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

These questions can unleash your greatness

I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of “living big” lately. 

I talk about living big all the time(!), but I have been thinking about it in terms of my life, and my path through life.

Because I did not live what I now consider to be a big life for many decades. And I have learned a lot from reflecting on the path that brought me to my life today.

And as much as I was influenced in many ways to keep myself small as I was growing up (that I understand more clearly now than ever before), I see that my lack of awareness kept me living that way well into adulthood. This has been an unfolding revelation.

We humans are complex beings

And yes, we are able to learn, grow and expand.

There’s no magic spell that enables us to cut through the complexity and make quick change. But we can change.

We can be guided to get clear about the things that have been in our way, and we can be guided to heal old wounds and step into new ways of thinking, believing and living.

And I feel an urgency for more of that to happen.

There is greatness in all of us

My story proves that even when you have been shut down, taught to keep quiet, disconnected from your truth, lacking in confidence and living in fear, and even when that small way of living continued for years and years, as it did in my life, it is possible to emerge.

Your story is likely to have different elements. But most of us have had influences and have acquired stories that have shaped our beliefs in ways that have limited us.

All of us can find our voices.

It is possible to step into the light.

It is possible to rise above fear.

It is possible to believe in an abundant universe.

It is possible to become a powerful creator in your life. 

There is enormous greatness waiting to be tapped, waiting to be unleashed in all of us! And now is the time for more of us to begin to step into that power, or continue on our paths.

Now more than ever, ask yourself good questions 

We are living in an extraordinary moment. There are challenges of enormous proportion all around — in the greater world and in each of our day-to-day lives. 

If ever there was a time to approach life as a powerful creator, it is now!

This is an opportunity to orient your thinking from the starting point of asking questions that will help you think and act in new ways.

Choose liberally from this list:

“What can I create now?”
“What do I deeply desire?”
“How might I take a new or different approach?”
“What can I learn?”
“What idea might I test?”
“What’s possible?” 
“What if it’s possible that...?”
“What would I do if I were not afraid?”

Look for inspiration every day

Each day I look for inspiration, and you can, too.

I find inspiration that calls on me to find stillness and listen deeply. It tells me that there is more greatness waiting to be tapped and more boldness to bring forth. It supports me to take the next steps on my path, to expand again and again.

And that inspiration expands my definition of living big.

It expands the definition of being a powerful creator.

This excites me because creation brings change into the world.

And my aim is to be a creator of change — to help individual lives to change, and as a result, as more of us change and become creators of change, to see more impact in the world.

I invite you to join me on this path

There are many ways to join me.

Share what you are doing now to create change in your life and the world — in a comment below, or email me. Let’s inspire and support one another!

Join my weekly Creators of Change calls and (and check the resources on that page) to help bring change to systemic racism and social injustice.

And if you feel inspired to make meaningful change in your life — or take bigger steps — with guidance, schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas about what’s in your way now and all that is possible for you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to live big each day

We are starting to see small shifts happening around us. Things are “opening up” in different ways in various places, and at different paces. 

How are you being impacted now?

What do you foresee changing for you?

As you consider these questions, consider that each day — no matter where you live and what your circumstances — you can ask yourself two more questions. They that will help you make the most of your day, and the most of your life!

Two powerful questions to ask yourself each day

If you have my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, you know that it is divided into two sections. The first 10 chapters are about the being of living big. The other 10 chapters are about the doing of living big.

Why?

Because we are human beings, and we spend way more time doing, than being. And living big starts with our state of being.

Question 1: “Who do I need to be today?”

When you consider who you need to be to step into your day and have it be the best day possible, you orient yourself to the way you want to live your day.

For example, if you have been feeling sluggish, or stuck, you may want to feel more free and get your spirit soaring.

Or, if you have been frantically trying to keep up with work, childcare, and everyday tasks that drain you, you may need to slow down and find stillness, to allow space for reflection, ease, and self-care.

Other possibilities for the focus you may want to bring to your state of being include: living in the present, loving more, being true to your heart, living without fear, aligning with your purpose, cultivating patience, being grateful, and seeing wonder around you.

Each of these will have a meaningful impact on your well-being.

Question 2: “What do I most need to do today?”

In addition to your state of being, focus on the action you want to take, and how you will do it. That’s where the doing of living big can be considered.

You may realize that you will benefit from listening more clearly for the signals from your intuition.

You may decide that actively creating will charge your imagination and provide you with energy that will be a game-changer. 

Today may be the day for you to speak your truth, or tap more of your passion, or live boldly — even in a quiet way.

Or, it may be a day for you to embrace change, play more, find your way through confusion, or be resilient.

Today you may choose to focus on charting your path to move into the future. 

All of these ways to take action are essential to living big, and you can develop your abilities to do all of them.

Small steps make a big difference

If you feel unsure how to get started opening the states of being and doing you feel called to bring into your day, Live Big is filled with exercises and practices to help you. 

Just asking yourself these questions, and stepping into the exploration of these ways of living — one small step at a time — is a great start.

Living big is a practice. It’s a life-long journey of growth and expansion. And each step on the journey is a step of expansion.

Because life is always changing — whether change comes quickly, as it did around the world weeks back, or things slowly unfold, as they are doing now.

And every day of your life offers you the opportunity to live big.

When you want support, here are 3 ways to get it

1. Check out the list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. All of the tools and ideas have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 23 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call. 

3. And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Endings and beginnings

Today is the last day of 2019. It’s the eve of a whole new year, and a whole new decade. This is a perfect day to set aside a few minutes to reflect. 

What was happening in your life a year ago? 

What has happened in the last 12 months? When you slow down and think about it, there’s a lot that happens in 365 days. And when we rush through those days we tend to miss the insights just waiting for us.

What has changed, and what has not changed — for better or worse? Are you ready to make some changes? Are there things you wouldn’t change for the world?

What memories are you savoring? What about your recollections fills you with gratitude? 

Now, stop and think about where you were at the close of 2009. You were about to step into a new decade. What’s happened in your life over these 10 years?

When I took time to go through this list of questions, I was amazed to think about the big changes I’ve lived through in the last decade. I could not have imagined my life now when I was on the eve of 2010.

The next questions you may want to ask yourself are big ones:

What are your dreams for 2020? 
What do you yearn to create in your life in the new decade that lies ahead?

Visualize those things, savor the vision, and believe. 

You came into the world (as we all did) with the capacity to be a powerful creator. Why not create the life you dream of? 

Start small, and keep moving. 

This is a big beginning!

Sending you love and wishes for a wonderful new year.

A simple morning check-in can have a big impact

A client recently mentioned that she starts each day with this question:
How do I want to treat myself today?

I have been asking myself a variation of this question each morning, that was suggested to me be a colleague:
How do I want to feel at the end of the day?

And here are a few other great options to consider as you start your day:
Who do I need to BE today?
What is most important for me today?
How can I slow down today?
How will I acknowledge myself for [ fill in the blank ]?

Starting the morning with a good question like one of these sets you up for a day of intention. Rather than simply drifting through the hours, you will have more focus.

Why not pick one that feels appealing and ask it of yourself each morning this week?

You may want to switch around and see which question works best for you, or set a rotation of questions to use during the week.

And at the end of your day, make a note about how the question had an impact. You are likely to experience important shifts as you bring more focus into your daily life.

Email me, or leave a comment with other good questions you’ve used at the start of your day, and to share the impact of this practice after you’ve tried it.

Just as my client told me about the way her question has been a game-changer, we can all learn from one another and inspire each other when we share great ideas.

5 questions to ask yourself now

Asking yourself good questions is a great technique for getting clear and getting real. Here are five questions I ask my clients — and that I take time to answer for myself — each time we transition to a new quarter. This practice is a great way to check in four times during the year and take stock.

1. Am I being real?

Are you showing up fully and authentically? Or, are you trying to be what you think people expect you to be, or want you to be? Maybe you are afraid to show the world (or segments of the world) your true self — afraid you’ll be “too much,” unliked, or are simply uncomfortable being seen.

If your answer is less than a whole-hearted YES, think about why you may be holding back.

What to do next: If your answer was, "No," consider how you can make a small change, to show up as your true self in a particular situation. Starting with a small effort lets you test this out, and from there you can consciously bring more of yourself into all parts of your life.

2. Am I letting fear take the reins?

This is a big one for all of us. Taking a clear-eyed look at where you may be operating based on fear lets you consciously make shifts that can have a profound impact.

Most of what we fear is not perilous, and can be overcome with clear perspective and getting support.

What to do next: If you are holding back because you are afraid to fail at something new or challenging, try taking baby steps to test the waters.

If you are afraid to speak up about something on your mind, let a trusted friend help you practice ways to express yourself and encourage you to do so.

When you take small steps, and continue taking additional steps, you will gradually build confidence. Things are rarely as scary as they seem when unexamined.

3. Am I living small?

This question holds many more questions, such as:
How can I bring some boldness into my life?
How can I take steps to embark on a burning desire?
How can I lead in new ways?

What to do next: Pick one way you see that you are living small and explore at least five ideas for small steps that can open you up in new ways.Then pick one to test now.

4. Am I taking action?

Some of us are full of ideas, but hesitant when it comes to implementing them. Some of us habitually procrastinate. Some of us feel stuck — around a particular issue, or in general. All of these can drag us down, and often cause pressure and stress.

What to do next: If you realize that there are ways you are not taking action, this is the time to begin committing to taking small, consistent steps. Once you begin, momentum can build. And even if you hit rough patches along the way, the flow and energy you’ll experience when you commit to ongoing action will amaze you.

5. Am I celebrating my wins?

High achievers typically feel the need to do big, heroic things to feel worthy of celebration.

The truth is that when we acknowledge and celebrate micro-wins we have the satisfaction of accomplishment. It’s a big deal for our brains to get a boost like that. And it gives us energy to continue down the path we have set.

What to do next: Celebrate small wins like three straight days of keeping a commitment to stay in action around a particular initiative; or inviting someone to have a conversation you’ve been putting off; or (finally) asking someone for help.

The common thread.

You have probably noticed that small steps are the key to living more authentically, to living without fear, to shifting from keeping yourself small, to getting into flow and building momentum, and to reaping the benefits of celebrating your wins. All of these are doable if you set the bar low enough that you can clear it with ease. And when you continue to take small, doable steps, learning and adjusting as you go forward, the impact adds up dramatically.

Drop me a note, or leave a comment to share the insights that come up for you when you answer these questions. And, tell me about the small steps you are committing to taking, too.

Start taking a small step or two today, keep it going, and imagine what it will feel like to have truly moved the needle by the time the next quarter rolls around.

The art of end-of-year reflection

As the days of December — and the year — wane, we have a great opportunity to reflect on the year that's ending, and to start considering what we want to create in our lives in the coming year. 

Most of us rush through holiday preparations and celebrations. It’s easy to move on auto-pilot and find ourselves in a whole new year without having done any reflecting. And that’s a big missed opportunity. Because when we fail to slow down and take stock, we fail to live intentionally. It's like leaving unclaimed gold behind, that can inform your future in important ways.

Can you make time for thought and reflection, even at this busy time of year? Can you make some precious time for yourself a priority — and commit to giving yourself this gift?

Here’s what this commitment looks like.

Set aside an hour or two for quiet reflection. Pick a spot that’s cozy and away from distractions. Maybe that's a room you love in your home or a quiet corner of a lovely restaurant or inn. Maybe you want to spend a few hours at a spa and sit in a beautiful, quiet room, wrapped in a thick robe. Maybe you are someplace warm and can find a spot in nature to relax and think.

You may want to do this reflecting alone, or you may invite a close friend, sibling, or partner to join you. Have a notebook in hand and a favorite pen or pencil. Include a mug of warm tea or a glass of wine, light a candle, and maybe put on some soft music to create the setting that will help you sit in peace. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

What did the last year teach you?

• How did you step outside of your comfort zone? What happened? What is your big take-away?

• How did you cope with a challenge (or more than one challenge)? How did you navigate it? What worked well? What could have been better?

• How did you take good care of yourself, or find any new ways to care for yourself? What positive outcomes did you get? What did you try that did not meet your expectations?

• If you neglected self-care, what were the consequences? Do they motivate you to find ways to take better care of yourself next year?

• What do you want more of in your life?

• What things or activities do you want to keep?

• What things or activities do you want to stop doing?

• What are you no longer willing to tolerate?

What can you acknowledge and celebrate?

• What went well that you can look back at and truly appreciate? Can you see things (big and small) that are noteworthy, that you did that had a positive impact on your life?

• What was it about you that made those things possible? Was it courage? Did you study to achieve it? Did you ask for help, so there was less struggle? Did you trust your intuition?

• What can you celebrate? Can you celebrate overcoming a fear? Achieving something important? Healing a sore spot in your heart? Leading with more boldness? Staying committed to something important? Stepping up in a new way?

• Consider the ways you can celebrate these things! Don’t simply shrug them off. Can you treat yourself to an experience you have been longing for? Can you make a sign to post where you will see it that says “Bravo!”? Can you invite someone special to join you for a celebratory outing?

After you have reflected, acknowledged yourself, and celebrated the great ways that you showed up in the past year, you will be poised to consider the year ahead — with questions like:

What do you want to be next year? 
What do you want to do next year? 
What do you want to have next year? 
In short, what do you want to create in your life next year?

Answering those questions will entail another session for thought and consideration. You may want to do some journal writing about them here and there in the next couple of weeks. This is a perfect time to start to think — and dream — about the year you want to create.

Wishing you all the best for the end of this year, and abundant happiness, love, and creativity in the new year.

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If you’re looking for another way to change your year, you can consider having a coach to support you to get clear about the life and work questions on your mind — to live the big life you long for — so that you can set clear objectives and get help to step into your future with intention and commitment. If that’s something you want to explore, I welcome you to set up an Introductory Coaching Call with me. There’s no cost or obligation for us to meet. Simply complete the Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to make a date with you.