How to be a positive thinker (really!)

Thinking — it’s something we do all day, every day. And most of us rarely pause to consider the impact of what we think about.

I invite you to take a pause with me now.

Consider that, with awareness, your thoughts can become a super-power in your life.

The power of positivity

When you consciously focus on positive things (such as things you desire, new ideas and possibilities that excite you, or anything else that lights you up) and hold your focus on what’s possible and great outcomes, wonderful things happen.

Many of us start thinking about something that excites us and quickly shift to thinking about all the reasons it will be impractical, or hard to achieve, or we conjure a host of possible obstacles.

With intention, you can choose to stay with, or return to, the energy that excited you to begin with.

Not only will your positive thoughts keep you focused on taking action toward your desired outcomes, the energy you exude will impact everyone around you in great ways.

Your positivity and enthusiasm will naturally excite others, and it will attract people to support you.

Positive thoughts lead to positive energy, and that energy can be sustained and expand, even as you navigate challenges along the way.

How to avoid the pitfalls of worry, fear and doubt

Try these strategies whenever you struggle to think positive thoughts.

1. Turn around negative emotions

When you trust yourself and follow your heart, it is easier to connect to positive energy than you may think.

That said, we all have times when we feel low — we are human!

When that happens, you may want to wallow there, or you may want to ignore the feelings.

Instead, get quiet and sit with the emotion. Feel it. And from there you can “exercise” that emotion to transform it.

How?

Create with it!

For example, you might write out your feelings of sadness in a poem, or make a picture that expresses your frustration or confusion. You can dig in a garden, or dance to loud music, or hammer away in a workshop to release anger. Approaches like these help you to get the emotion offloaded from your thoughts and help you to feel lighter. From that place you can calmly refocus on the positive.

2. Tune out negativity around you

We sometimes find ourselves in the company of people who are filled with negative energy. It’s easy to be drawn into that unhappiness, anger, anxiety, or fear.

With awareness, you can keep from falling into the trap of absorbing negative contagions.

Start by finding a quiet place to sit and breathe in silence. When you focus on the present moment and your breath, you can separate yourself from the negative energy. If you breathe this way for as little as two minutes — or longer if possible — you will feel a shift. Or, you may want to sit and listen to a guided meditation, or walk in a quiet beautiful place. Any of these will help you find peace.

After that recentering, you can make a choice. Maybe you will not return to the conversation, or choose not to be in proximity to the person or group that was filled with negativity. Maybe you will return, but will state your point of view and declare that that you will bring a positive frame to discussing the situation.

Knowing how to get back to center will enable to start thinking positively, and choose the way you want to take action.

3. Adopt an abundant mindset

Rather than waiting to respond to negativity, you can preempt much of it when you embrace an abundant mindset.

How to begin?

Try incorporating one or more of these approaches in your day-to-day life:

• Focus on appreciation and gratitude. When you tune in to all there is to appreciate in your life, every day can automatically be filled with thoughts of gratitude.

• Choose to be generous. Be generous with your time. Be generous with your thoughts — yes, you can look for the best in people, realizing most people are doing the best they can. Be generous with money. Be generous with expressions of appreciation to others.

• Welcome abundance. This means feeling deserving and being ready and open to receiving more love, more income, more happiness, more kindness.

• Be curious. Ask yourself questions like, “What if it's possible that...?” and “What can I create now?” No matter the circumstances, you can always think creatively and create your next best, most positive step forward.

• Reframe. There is nearly always a way to reframe a less-than-optimal situation. Ask yourself how you might see it with fresh eyes to find the positive — or how you might find a way to turn things around.

An abundant mindset is a huge asset we can all cultivate.

Why not shift your thoughts today?

There’s no time like the present to consider how much your thoughts are focused on the positive, and to pay attention to when your thoughts dwell on the negative. And no time like now to choose the way that most appeals to you to build or expand an abundant mindset.

With ongoing awareness and practice, you will quickly realize any time your thoughts sink into negativity, and you can refer to these suggestions to shift your focus back to the positive.

Like any change you want to bring into your life, developing a habit of being a positive thinker will take practice. You may want to pick out a small journal to keep on hand and make notes to track how things are going as you focus on this new approach to your thoughts. It will help you to more quickly make positive thinking an automatic way of living.

This superpower is free for you to cultivate. Please let me know how it works for you!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

If you avoid discomfort you’re not alone

Human beings like to be comfortable. And who can blame us? Feeling comfortable — physically and emotionally — is certainly nicer than discomfort.

But staying in our comfort zone, avoiding the discomfort of stepping up to try new things and experience personal growth, is different.

Because when we stay static, play safe, or live a small version of what is possible for us, just to remain comfortable, we cheat ourselves.

As I wrote last week, even accomplished women who yearn for more — to show up and be fully authentic, to reach for the next level in their work, to live the life they yearn for on their terms — can get mired in doubt and stay stuck.

Why? As much as they may want to change, they resist stepping into that change because they fear it will be uncomfortable.

Is the thought of some discomfort keeping you stuck?

Maybe thoughts like these are holding you back:

• I may not be up to the task — what if I fail?

• I'm really not good enough to do what I’m dreaming of.

• I’m not enough.

• I don’t feel worthy; I do not deserve what I desire.

• I’m afraid of what other people will say — if I can’t make the change, or even if I succeed.

• Some people will disapprove of what I want to do.

• I’ll be horribly embarrassed if I fall short.

• I feel ashamed that it’s taken me so long to get started. It’s easier not to even try.

Yes, even considering these thoughts can get uncomfortable.

And if any of them (or several) ring true for you, you are not alone!

Most people — even super-accomplished people — have had many of these concerns. And many have moved forward in spite of them.

What you may be ready to consider

When you read through the list above, did you feel a stirring to stretch a bit? Might you be willing to get a little uncomfortable and try to take some new steps in your life?

Maybe one or more of these possibilities feel “ripe” for you now:

• I want to go after something new.

• I’m willing to examine my life.

• I want to figure out what’s next for me that will light me up.

• I feel ready to expand and grow.

• I want to be more self-relient, be more in command of my life.

• I want to make a bold move in my career or business or personal life.

• I am ready to bring a new relationship into my life.

• There’s something I am not willing to tolerate any more.

You can safely begin to test the waters

If you responded to something on the list above — or something different and meaningful came up for you — here’s how to start to take small steps toward the expansion and change you seek.

Consider these 4 suggestions:

1. Ask someone you admire if they made it to where they are today without concern about some discomfort.

If they are willing to honestly share with you, you are likely to hear a great story about what it was like for them before, how they faced the discomfort of stepping into change, and how they reached the place they are today.

With that inspiration, think about ways you can get started making some change in your life.

2. Check out my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life.

Lots of people have been telling me how helpful Live Big is for them now. They have shared that doing some of the exercises and practices in various chapters of the book has been really great. The book offers many safe ways to be guided to gently step into making meaningful change. (And, the book is on sale through Thursday, so this is a great time to get a copy for yourself, stock up for gifts, and send copies to friends.)

3. Choose a step to take now, to activate a change.

If, for instance, you want to learn something new, or want to consider a career shift to a new industry, you might search for videos to start exploring what’s involved. You can invite someone with that background to have a virtual coffee date. You can look for a short course to take.

The idea is to start! Even small steps get you in motion, and those small steps will not feel too uncomfortable. From there you can gain momentum.

4. Reach out for help.

Do you have a friend who is interested in making change in her life? You can ask if she wants to be an accountability partner for you, and you for her.

Or better yet, you can ask for the help of a pro.

My journey of expansion and transformation started when I got help. I was not looking for it, but the universe introduced me to a coach, and for the first time in my life, I said “Yes” to getting help.

Was it uncomfortable to be asked big questions I’d never asked myself, and look clearly at my life? You bet it was. But I also felt safe, knowing I was being guided by a brilliant and loving coach every step of the way.

And my life today is the reward.

I have never stopped being coached — in fact I have several coaches now, to support me in different parts of my life and work. That’s how I continue to grow and expand in my life.

Sure, I run up against some discomfort each time I begin to move out of my current comfort zone. But having support makes a world of difference.

If you want to explore what support can look like, let’s talk

I invite you to make a date with me for a Live Big Breakthrough Call — there’s no cost or obligation. I ask only one thing: that you are serious about exploring what making significant change can be like for you.

Share your challenges and your dreams. I’ll provide new insights and perspectives about what’s in your way now, as well as what is possible. And if the fit feels good, we can talk about how I may be able to help you make your dreams a reality.

Click here to find a spot on my calendar.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Even accomplished women feel doubt and play small

I talk about about the concept of living big all the time — what it means to create a life where you show up fully and authentically, boldly aligning with your true purpose and able to keep fear and doubt from derailing you.

Sadly, even accomplished women live small. They play smaller than they know, deep down, they are capable of.

I know I was living a small life in so many ways until my “wake-up call” a decade ago. Yes, I had a great marriage and wonderful children and I owned a respected design firm. I was regarded as a successful woman.

But I came to realize that I did not believe in myself enough to lead my team or my clients as powerfully as I could. That lack of feeling good enough made me uncomfortable showing up in our marketing, and made it hard for me to be decisive.

The biggest realization I became aware of was that my work was no longer lighting me up — and I finally believed that I deserved to find what would challenge and excite me each day.

I was not willing to settle any longer.

And when I decided to sell my business and step into something new (that I could not yet picture), I realized I had to start showing up in my life in new ways. I needed to bring new levels of belief in myself, as well as courage, to embarking on my new journey.

Do you struggle to believe in yourself, show up fully and forge your own path?

I know I have a lot of company in not having been encouraged to think about and appreciate my gifts and talents — after all, I was taught that would be boastful. It was really hard for me to “own” my gifts and feel confident.

Nor was I urged to show up in big ways growing up, or even as I stepped into my professional life. Few of us were told it’s great to speak your truth. I look back and see how often I second-guessed myself or did not speak up when I knew I had something to say.

And few of us were told to connect to what we truly want, and to follow a path that is ours to explore and travel. It wasn’t until I started working with a coach that I was guided to do just that.

Is doubt making you play small or feel stuck?

When we doubt ourselves, or don’t feel that we deserve to pursue our desires, we are unable to believe in all that’s possible for us. And so we settle.

We settle for the status quo — after all, it feels safe to stick to what’s familiar.

Or we tolerate the feeling of being an impostor — which makes us overly cautious as we doubt ourselves.

And if we focus on staying safe, and when we resist (or are afraid of) stretching to explore what we can truly do, or what we truly desire, we feel stuck and we tend to stay stuck.

Do you recognize any of these signs?

• You feel deflated and discouraged. These feelings are natural when you don’t appreciate your greatness and feel doubtful, or when you feel unfulfilled and don’t know how to get started in a new direction.

• You feel numb. This feeling — whether it comes on by itself or you help it along with behaviours like avoidance or overeating or drinking — is an indicator that you are not taking charge of your life for any number of reasons.

• You know, deep down, that you are hiding your true self. You care so much about what others think that you don’t allow yourself to show up authentically.

• You are focused on the feelings and wellbeing of everyone around you, and discount what you need. Even the most accomplished women tend to put themselves last.

• You’re exhausted. Playing small or living small sounds like it would give you space and peace, but it is depleting — emotionally and physically.

The good news is that you get to choose

My life is proof that it’s possible to take action — and to make remarkable, significant change.

And, I could not have done it alone. I was not equipped to make big courageous moves in my life without support. That's where the great coach I worked with was invaluable, and I have never stopped getting coaching support.

We all have endless opportunities to grow and expand, by going deep into understanding ourselves and leveraging all of our gifts.

When you are open to change:

You get to choose what you want.

You can be proactive.

You can overcome obstacles.

The universe will open up and support you.

Are you ready to choose change?

If you want to talk about what it can look like to step into the biggest version of yourself, and connect to what you want your life to look, feel and be like so you can start creating the future you really desire, let’s talk.

Click here to grab a spot on my calendar. I promise you will gain new insights and perspective on what’s in the way and possible for you, and we’ll see if we both think working together can help you to step into the future you want. And if not, that’s totally fine.

And, with my Live Big Live! program kicking off soon, we may determine that it’s the perfect way for you to make your big breakthroughs, to start living your next chapter.

Let’s talk and see if this is your time to step into living big!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Small mindset adjustments that work wonders

I speak to women every day about what’s getting in the way for them, and the impact of the stories and limiting beliefs that hold them back.

Of course, I am not a stranger to this territory! Even after years of focusing on personal development and experiencing big personal growth, old entrenched, negative thoughts like that can return. They usually show up when I am about to step up to do something new, something bigger, and often when I’m about to venture into the unknown. (Does that sound familiar?)

I am fortunate that, with awareness and practice, I am usually able to quickly spot these stories and the return of those old beliefs that no longer serve me. 

What I do next is the what makes all the difference. 

I remind myself that my mindset — which I can consciously pay attention to — is the key to shifting back into my power. 

I consciously shift my thoughts. And you can do this, too.

Will you be able to read this post and make a huge shift all at once?

Probably not.

But start small, start now, and you will get the feel for how this works. Stick with this focus, and I predict that you will notice lots of positives changes.

3 simple mindset shifts you can use as needed 

1. When you sink into doubt...

We all experience doubt. It’s often related to a lack of confidence, and may be rooted in a lack of belief that something is even possible. This leads to feeling demoralized.

Turning doubt into confidence is a topic I work on with my clients, and that I teach in full-day workshops. But, here’s one way to shift your mindset when doubt creeps in.

You can build belief in yourself and in what is possible when you remind yourself of big, brave things you have done in the past.

Acknowledge yourself for that resourcefulness and resilience. That positive self-talk, filled with self-appreciation, will help you to step into something new, rather than shrinking back in doubt.

2. When you feel like the world is treating you unfairly...

Feeling like a victim may strike from time to time or can become a habit. It’s a way we shift responsibility for our lives to external forces, or other people. 

Again, this is a big topic, with no quick fixes. But when you consciously choose to own your power, and believe that you can be a creator in your life, and of your life, you are shifting to a new orientation. 

As you begin to choose what you want to create in every moment, and make deliberate choices, you will experience a feeling of agency — and that’s a great feeling. 

Even when you are creating very small positive steps, you’ll begin to feel differently about what is possible. 

3. When you feel impatient with yourself...

Impatience is often tied to self-criticism. Who has not thought to themselves, “Why can’t I do this faster, or better?” or, “I should have this all figured out already!”

Learning to manage your self-critic is big work, and the self-critic attempts to sabotage us in many ways. But there’s a mindset shift that you can use any time that will help a lot.

Watch the words you use — to others, and to yourself! Your self-talk has an incredible impact, so paying attention to that is important.

A simple and really effective shift is to add the word “yet” to the end of any sentence that expresses impatience.

For example, instead of saying, “I haven't been able to figure this out,” say, “I haven't been able to figure this out yet.” 

The addition of that simple word opens possibility and brings a sense of positivity.

Try this bonus tip, too

While we are on the subject of watching the words we use, try to consciously eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary. (Did you notice it in the example I shared at the top of tip #3?)

When you pay attention, you are likely to hear yourself using this damaging word (that your self-critic loves to throw at you) in lots of situations. By making the “all-purpose” mindset shift to remove the word “should,” you are sure to notice how things change for the better. 

Depending on where and how it shows up, you can replace “should” with ”I can...” or “I could...” or “I’d like to...” or even change the sentence to a question, like, “Do I want to...?” 

And if you want help to explore how you can make bigger shifts in your mindset and start to powerfully create the big life you yearn for, schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas about what’s in your way now and what’s possible for you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

A movie that will change you

Having heard rave reviews about the film, Maiden, I was sure I would enjoy it.

I knew it was about the first all-female crew to race in the Whitbread Around the World Challenge yacht race, so I expected to be inspired. This award-winning documentary did not disappoint.

The suspense of the race was certainly riveting and the documentary was wonderfully made.

But the most remarkable part of the film was the seeing the determination and commitment of the young Tracy Edwards. She decided to embark on the audacious effort of getting funding for a suitable boat and recruiting an all-female crew — in 1989. And, having done both, she courageously lead that crew through challenges that would have crushed most of us.

Against tremendous odds, she persevered — she found a way to make all of it happen. She withstood withering ridicule from the press and her sailing peers. She coped with enormous doubts and crushing pressure. And she never gave up.

She not only showed the world it could be done — she grew in immeasurable ways. As did her fabulous crew.

Watch the trailer here. Then find a theater where it’s playing, and go to see it. Every minute of this film is worth savoring.

Choose a word, change your year

Now that we’re a week into January, the holidays are behind us and a big, promising new year is stretched out ahead. Lots of women I speak to find themselves asking how they can make this the great year they yearn for. 

Rather than make some quick resolutions — that even with great intentions are hard to sustain — they wonder what they can do to make this their best year ever. They ask what key actions they can take that will have impact. They wonder how to get started. And they are concerned about how can they sustain momentum.

If you relate — if you want to be more aware and awake in your life so you stop drifting and start making the changes you want — try these suggestions:

1. Choose a word of the year to guide you

It may sound simple, but when you take the time to thoughtfully choose a word to guide you for the year ahead, amazing things happen.

Last year I wrote about my process for choosing a word that embodies layers of meaning and really nails it for where you are in your life right now. I offer instructions that you can easily follow, as well as examples to inspire you. Here's how you can pick your powerful word for this year.

2. Stop looking for quick fixes

We all wish there were magical ways to make change fast. And we all know that in order to make important changes — and for them to stick — time and commitment are required. When you acknowledge and accept that the changes you want to realize — everything from weight loss or better health, to a more harmonious relationship, to a less chaotic pace of living, to having more satisfaction at work — will take time and focus to shift, you will be able to take the small, deliberate, consistent steps each day that will add up to big change over time.

3. Start saying “no” 

When you have a clear word for your year and you are ready to take small, consistent action in your life to live guided by your word, you will quickly realize that you must do less to be able to bring attention and focus to what really matters. 

This one is tough for many women who consider themselves accomplished multitaskers, get excited about new ideas all the time, and/or recognize that they tend to be people-pleasers. 

The truth is that we all have limited time and limited energy. This is the perfect time to start saying “no” to things that spread you too thin or are not in alignment with your priorities. This may feel uncomfortable, but you do not need to apologize when you say “no.” You can simply say that you have other commitments and thus are not able to help with...  do...  take on...  etc. Give it a try. With practice you can get comfortable with it, and you'll find that saying “no” will open important space for you to focus on what matters most.

4. Remind yourself of how capable you are

When doubt shows up, look back at last year and notice the times that you tried something new, were able to find courage when you needed it, or handled a challenge. Acknowledge things you learned and impact you made. All of these reminders will bolster your confidence when you need it.

5. Take consistent action

Having selected a word of the year to guide you, and preparing yourself for the time and patience needed to make meaningful change, then opening space in your life by saying “no,” and bolstering your confidence for stepping up in new ways, you will be ready for the last key step — making a commitment to take consistent action

Taking action and sustaining the commitment to continue to do so — even when you hit places of feeling discouraged or sagging motivation or lack of confidence — is the biggest challenge. It’s easy to get fired up at the start of the year. (Think about the crowds at yoga classes and gyms in January and February that thin out by March!)

The beauty of selecting a word of the year that embodies what you want for yourself this year is that you can more easily stay committed to living into it — even at the times you struggle. After all, that’s the meaning of commitment!

Are you ready to make that kind of commitment to yourself?

If you are, you will be able to look back at this current year a year from now and smile at what you created in your life!

Remember that getting support will make it easier for you to stay committed to the change you want to make, the growth you desire. Ask someone to be an accountability buddy. Attend workshops that will enlighten and inspire you. Join a group coaching program or reach out for one-on-one coaching support. 

I would love to hear the Word of the Year that you choose.

I am eager to hear about how you have selected a guiding word. Share your word in the comments below, or email me to let me know. And let me know why you chose it, and how you are stepping into making this the year that you are envisioning today.

My word for this year?

This year I chose DEPTH.

I intend to go deeper in my work with clients, my writing, and my painting. This demands that I get more support in my business, that I say “no” more often, and that I remain mindful of my intentions and honor them. I have already begun living into my word and it feels great!

I wish you a big new year — one of growth, commitment, accomplishment and joy.

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If you’re looking for another way to change your year, you can consider having a coach to support you to get clear about the life and work questions on your mind — to live the big life you long for — so that you can set clear objectives and get help to step into your future with intention and commitment. If that’s something you want to explore, I welcome you to set up an Introductory Coaching Call with me. There’s no cost or obligation for us to meet. Simply complete the Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to make a date with you.