How to be a positive thinker (really!)

Thinking — it’s something we do all day, every day. And most of us rarely pause to consider the impact of what we think about.

I invite you to take a pause with me now.

Consider that, with awareness, your thoughts can become a super-power in your life.

The power of positivity

When you consciously focus on positive things (such as things you desire, new ideas and possibilities that excite you, or anything else that lights you up) and hold your focus on what’s possible and great outcomes, wonderful things happen.

Many of us start thinking about something that excites us and quickly shift to thinking about all the reasons it will be impractical, or hard to achieve, or we conjure a host of possible obstacles.

With intention, you can choose to stay with, or return to, the energy that excited you to begin with.

Not only will your positive thoughts keep you focused on taking action toward your desired outcomes, the energy you exude will impact everyone around you in great ways.

Your positivity and enthusiasm will naturally excite others, and it will attract people to support you.

Positive thoughts lead to positive energy, and that energy can be sustained and expand, even as you navigate challenges along the way.

How to avoid the pitfalls of worry, fear and doubt

Try these strategies whenever you struggle to think positive thoughts.

1. Turn around negative emotions

When you trust yourself and follow your heart, it is easier to connect to positive energy than you may think.

That said, we all have times when we feel low — we are human!

When that happens, you may want to wallow there, or you may want to ignore the feelings.

Instead, get quiet and sit with the emotion. Feel it. And from there you can “exercise” that emotion to transform it.

How?

Create with it!

For example, you might write out your feelings of sadness in a poem, or make a picture that expresses your frustration or confusion. You can dig in a garden, or dance to loud music, or hammer away in a workshop to release anger. Approaches like these help you to get the emotion offloaded from your thoughts and help you to feel lighter. From that place you can calmly refocus on the positive.

2. Tune out negativity around you

We sometimes find ourselves in the company of people who are filled with negative energy. It’s easy to be drawn into that unhappiness, anger, anxiety, or fear.

With awareness, you can keep from falling into the trap of absorbing negative contagions.

Start by finding a quiet place to sit and breathe in silence. When you focus on the present moment and your breath, you can separate yourself from the negative energy. If you breathe this way for as little as two minutes — or longer if possible — you will feel a shift. Or, you may want to sit and listen to a guided meditation, or walk in a quiet beautiful place. Any of these will help you find peace.

After that recentering, you can make a choice. Maybe you will not return to the conversation, or choose not to be in proximity to the person or group that was filled with negativity. Maybe you will return, but will state your point of view and declare that that you will bring a positive frame to discussing the situation.

Knowing how to get back to center will enable to start thinking positively, and choose the way you want to take action.

3. Adopt an abundant mindset

Rather than waiting to respond to negativity, you can preempt much of it when you embrace an abundant mindset.

How to begin?

Try incorporating one or more of these approaches in your day-to-day life:

• Focus on appreciation and gratitude. When you tune in to all there is to appreciate in your life, every day can automatically be filled with thoughts of gratitude.

• Choose to be generous. Be generous with your time. Be generous with your thoughts — yes, you can look for the best in people, realizing most people are doing the best they can. Be generous with money. Be generous with expressions of appreciation to others.

• Welcome abundance. This means feeling deserving and being ready and open to receiving more love, more income, more happiness, more kindness.

• Be curious. Ask yourself questions like, “What if it's possible that...?” and “What can I create now?” No matter the circumstances, you can always think creatively and create your next best, most positive step forward.

• Reframe. There is nearly always a way to reframe a less-than-optimal situation. Ask yourself how you might see it with fresh eyes to find the positive — or how you might find a way to turn things around.

An abundant mindset is a huge asset we can all cultivate.

Why not shift your thoughts today?

There’s no time like the present to consider how much your thoughts are focused on the positive, and to pay attention to when your thoughts dwell on the negative. And no time like now to choose the way that most appeals to you to build or expand an abundant mindset.

With ongoing awareness and practice, you will quickly realize any time your thoughts sink into negativity, and you can refer to these suggestions to shift your focus back to the positive.

Like any change you want to bring into your life, developing a habit of being a positive thinker will take practice. You may want to pick out a small journal to keep on hand and make notes to track how things are going as you focus on this new approach to your thoughts. It will help you to more quickly make positive thinking an automatic way of living.

This superpower is free for you to cultivate. Please let me know how it works for you!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The power of your mindset may surprise you

I have lots of conversations with women who are contemplating their lives and their futures. I listen to them describe the desires they have and the challenges that stand in their way. As I listen, I tune in to their orientation to themselves and the world.

I listen for signs of a mindset that is limited, or what Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset,” as well as indicators that they have what Dweck calls a “growth mindset” in her renowned book, Mindset.

I call that an expansive mindset.

Why do I pay attention to that?

Because the deep work I do with my clients leads to success for those with many characteristics of an expansive mindset.

Someone with a deeply fixed mindset is not able to benefit in the same way. A fixed mindset will not only frustrate her, it will frustrate me.

Your mindset can support you to becoming a powerful creator

Your outlook on the world impacts how you live each day — and how you can begin to live an even more satisfying life tomorrow than today.

And while none of us embodies a expansive mindset in every dimension of our lives, those of us who begin with (or endeavor to fully develop) an expansive mindset have a smoother path to creating a life that truly satisfies them — what I call living big.

What, specifically, does an expansive mindset look like?

• You have an expansive mindset when you appreciate your gifts and talents. And you believe that you can develop and expand those talents and skills.

• You see potential and believe that you can figure things out, rather than being pessimistic or allowing yourself to feel defeated.

• You learn to add a powerful little word to sentences like these: “I don’t know how to do that,” or “I can’t accomplish my goal.” By changing statements like those to: “I don’t know how to do that yet,” and “I haven’t yet accomplished my goal,” you are open and ready and motivated to continue and succeed.

• You believe that you can always learn and grow.

• You believe that you can figure things out — yourself, or with help.

• You try new things without fear. You experiment, and when early attempts fall short, you refine and try new approaches. You focus on solutions, believing in your ability as a creator to find solutions.

• You take consistent action. This means you focus on the journey, not just the destination.

• You learn from every new experience — the great ones, and the tough ones — knowing all of them inform you and help you continue to learn and grow.

• You don’t compare yourself to others (which is always a bad idea). Rather, you are inspired by others, and you can support, encourage and celebrate them — even if they are “ahead” of you in some ways.

• You are true to yourself and your values.

• You keep fear at bay. This doesn't mean you don’t ever feel fear, but you learn to keep it from stopping or limiting you.

• You are open and curious, you listen, and you learn.

• You believe that life is good, even when you are moving through rough patches. When the going is tougher (which is inevitable from time to time), you shift to hope and optimism. You trust yourself.

• You surround yourself with others who are like-minded, who also approach the world with an expansive mindset.

Do you see yourself in this list?

Few of us can “check off” all the boxes on the list above! Even those who have focused on personal development and are doing well need to return to practices that keep them on course with an expansive mindset.

And those who have not yet embarked on personal development work may have more than a few unchecked boxes. That’s ok.

When you start with enough of a foundation in an expansive mindset, and a deep desire to grow and create your ideal life, you can step up to developing more of it.

And you can stay on course, too, especially when you have good tools and when you have support.

Are you looking to leverage your expansive mindset for more growth?

If you want to step up in your life to become the biggest and best version of yourself, and start creating the future you deeply desire, I invite you to share your challenges and your dreams with me. You can also learn how I may be able to help you make those dreams a reality.

Let’s hop on a call. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar. I promise you will gain new insights and perspective on what’s possible for you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Curious about how core values can help you live big?

It won’t surprise you that I have been thinking a lot about my mother, who died on August 21. (If you missed what I wrote about her last week, treat yourself to some inspiration.)

In my reflections, I have been thinking about the core values in her life, that informed the remarkable imprint she left on everyone who knew her.

Core values are front of mind for me these days. In the work I am doing with a group of remarkable women, I am helping each to go through a process of identifying her core values.

Why?

I believe we benefit enormously when we are clear about our guiding principles. We see ourselves with more clarity and insight. We can not only live with more integrity, we can more easily make decisions and choices that are right for us. And we are better able to create futures that align with who we truly are.

What can core values look like?

My mother’s core values, as I saw them, included:

• creating and elevating beauty in all she did, and inspiring others to see and create beauty

• creativity — she was a fantastic artist and her cooking was legendary 

• love — of family and friends, and she created meaningful new relationships with ease

• hospitality — closely related to love, hosting special gatherings gave her great joy

• striving for perfection — sometimes to an extreme

• justice — she believed in the rights of all people to be treated fairly and afforded opportunity

My mother rarely wavered. She was clear about all she believed in. These values guided her each day of her life.

How do a parent’s values influence you?

As my mother’s daughter, all of her values influenced my life.

Like most children, it was natural for me to try and model myself after my mother. This was mostly for the good. I adopted her love of beauty, I actively strive for social justice, and I love deeply. In time, I became an artist.

But occasionally, as in the case of her focus on perfectionism, the influence was not so positive. It has taken me years to be able to aim for excellence without pushing myself to the impossible extreme of perfectionism.

Can you see yourself through the lens of core values?

As we each grow and evolve through life, we become unique individuals. My list of core values has some overlaps with those I see as my mother’s, but it is unique to me. 

My list begins with love. Love is closely followed by creativity that's paired with curiosity. (Following my curiosity has helped to free me from the perfectionism that hampered me for many decades.)

Happiness, joy and gratitude are core for me. My love of beauty came directly from my mother. Exploration — of ideas and new places — is also on my list. 

Leadership paired with vision; justice paired with tolerance; generativity; and accountability paired with resourcefulness round out my list of values.

What about your values?

Have you thought about the values that guide you? If not, I recommend that you set aside some time to think about them, and identify your short list of what is truly central to the way you live.

Of course there are many attributes that matter to all of us. The challenge is to think of those that are most true, through and through, for you.

For instance, there may be lots of things that are important to you, like honesty, or boldness, dependability, honor, grace, success, uniqueness, patriotism, fidelity, piety, diligence, or security — to randomly name a few possibilities. 

When you think about things that ring true, consider if they are core values for you — if they always guide you. You can consider paired values, or related attributes, as I have in my short list above, as you get to your focused list.

And while you might want to think about where your core values originated, be certain all that you claim are yours! Remove anything on your list that’s imposed, or expected of you by others.

Aim to narrow your list to 6 to 8 core values.

How to use your list.

With your core values in hand, you have the opportunity to think about how you want to live into them.

Are there some values you want to expand, or go deeper with? For me, the realization that I had a long-held deep desire to explore more creative expression, but had allowed fear to limit me for so much of my life, finally supported me to enroll in a painting course. When I stopped stifling a core part of myself, and stepped into being an artist, my life changed in ways I never imagined would be so satisfying.

And remember that there are seasons in life when you can bring more focus to some of your values than had been possible at other times. Perhaps you will explore ways to expand the role of a key value as your life circumstances change.

Can you start to see new possibilities for yourself? Are there new ways to live your core values now, and new ways be bring them into your vision for the future, so you will live your biggest, best life?

Where will your core values take you?

Turning your attention to identifying your core values might feel like another “to-do” you don’t have time for. I get it. Life can be hectic.

And, your life can be enriched by creating space to consider what your core values are, and when you use them as a reference.

Making life decisions that are fully aligned with your values is very empowering. You are likely to feel clearer and bolder about your decisions when you have that resource to refer to.

If you would like to talk about core values and how they can help you move beyond what limits you into a future that will light you up, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be delighted to help you gain insight and clarity about changes you are seeking to make, and how you can be a powerful creator in your life. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

A time for self-awareness and self-care

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love, gratitude and good company.

We are now at the start of a new week, and a new month. It’s December — the last month of 2019, and the last month of this decade!

You may feel inspired and fired up as you think about the ways you want to end the year and move into the new decade. If so, go for it!

And… I am hearing from many of my clients and acquaintances that they are feeling pressured, and many are finding motivation hard to come by.

If you relate to feeling a lack of motivation to go big right now, it’s easy to start beating yourself up.

But I invite you to consider that there’s another way to look at things.

Give up the struggle

The idea that you are a slacker if you are not always in high gear, feeling fired up, and planning and doing on a grand scale, is fueled by external messages.

We are bombarded with advice on how to “crush it” — crush our goals, crush it at work, crush our workouts at the gym. The language itself is enough to stress you out.

And, you may be wired to push yourself hard. I’m all for high standards and commitment, but many of us hear a persistent inner voice that propels us to go way overboard, and belittles us when we don’t.

Especially as we head into a busy holiday season and the end-of-year demands at work, this is the perfect time to be gentle with yourself.

Pushing too hard is counterproductive

When you try and muscle through, you not only exhaust yourself and feel awful (physically and/or emotionally), you are likely to get less done.

When you slow down and focus on something important (rather than lot of things and at a frantic pace), you will get more done. I had a hard time believing it would work, until I tried it.

Now, when I feel overwhelmed, I choose something that is deserving of my attention. I put everything else aside for a while. I gently bring my focused attention to that effort. The results of taking this approach are always terrific, and so satisfying.

Listen to your body and your emotions

If you feel the need to slow down, by all means build in time for more rest, more thoughtfulness, more time with cherished people, more ease.

The messages you receive from your inner voice and your intuition are always reliable. Our bodies may demand that we slow down, too. If we are not tuned in and responsive, a GI upset or nasty cold may show up and force us to slow down.

Self-care is rarely high on our to-do lists, but it’s so important! No matter how much there is to be done, be sure you honor yourself and build self-care into your days.

This is a time to create with intention

When a lack of motivation or the need to take things a bit slower shows up (and your self-care plan for a soak in the tub, savoring a soothing cup of tea, taking a nap, or going for a walk is in place), try adopting a new approach.

Think about what you desire. What is important right now? What matters? You may want to do some journaling to explore ideas. (And if you’ve learned it, put my Discovery Dozen™ exercise to work.)
Then gently bring your focus to that matter. If you feel clear about the steps to take, start in slowly and with focus. Acknowledge yourself for taking a small, doable step. Then take the next one — and acknowledge yourself again.

If you are unsure about what you want to focus on, get curious. What are the options to consider for moving ahead? With an idea or two, ask: What interesting approaches can I devise to test out this idea? This is a moment to bring creativity forward and explore possibilities.

Commit to making a small effort and seeing how it works out. Celebrate the wins, and adjust course when better ideas and new insights emerge.

And continue on the path — gently.

You don't need to struggle. Momentum will build naturally.

I’d love to hear about how you are feeling now, and what you want to approach with ease. Leave a comment below.

And if you are looking for clarity, focus, momentum and accountability in your life, let’s talk. I will be enrolling a new group coaching program early next year, and it may be the perfect opportunity for you as we move into 2020. I’ll be happy to tell you about it.