Setting healthy boundaries can be easier than you think

Last week I wrote about boundaries — what they are and why they matter so much. If you missed “Part 1” of this topic, you may want to click here and read about it.

As promised, today I’m sharing ways you can set boundaries without distress, to help you live your best life.

To begin, it can be helpful to check in and ask yourself how you relate to boundaries.

How do you feel about setting boundaries?

We all have the opportunity to draw the lines — create boundaries — that align with and protect our desires, values and preferences.

And, most people shy away from setting boundaries.

Many do not feel comfortable saying, “No.” They do not feel confident stating what is on their mind and setting standards that are aligned with what is right for them.

Here are a few reasons people shy away from setting boundaries:

Many people hate to say “No” because they want to be nice.

This fear of not being nice is people-pleasing — something remarkably common among both men and women.

People-pleasers are focused on making other people happy or trying to get others to like them. This focus typically starts when people are young, and can be deeply ingrained.

They aim to avoid conflict to such a degree that they are willing to put their own needs, values and preferences behind those of others.

Many people are afraid to lose love or approval.

We all long for love and approval. Many people are so afraid of rejection or disapproval that they do not ask for what they need, or ask for something different, or assert themselves.

When you compromise this way, you fail to make your own well-being your top priority. It is also typical to feel unworthy of love and approval. Thus you are willing to sacrifice your own contentment, satisfaction and happiness. This often results in resentment and unhappiness.

Many people simply do not know how to set boundaries — even when they yearn for them.

This is the easiest challenge to overcome.

When you know the boundary you want to establish — be it setting a firm limit about when you are available and when you are not; or stating that you will no longer take on every task someone asks you to help with; or establishing a clear policy about lending things to others; or setting an “energetic boundary” to keep painful actions and remarks from wounding your heart; or anything else — you can get crystal clear about why that boundary matters to you.

Why do you want to change the way things are now?

What will change for the better when the new boundary is in place?

Think about how you will feel, the time that will open up for you, the benefits to the relationship you have with another person, etc.

When you have the what and the why clearly in mind, implementing the boundary (the how) is going to be easier than you may think.

How to set any boundary, in 3 steps

When you are clear about a given boundary you want to set, and why it matters, follow these steps to set and hold that boundary.

1. Articulate the boundary clearly and specifically.

Start by getting crystal clear about the person or people you will set this boundary with. One person may be your focus now, but there may be others with whom that boundary also needs to be set.

Next, be very clear about what the boundary entails, and what it will look like when it is in place.

With this clarity you will be ready to communicate the specifics to the party or parties you have identified.

2. Understand that you can communicate boundaries with kindness.

Some boundaries are low-stakes, and may not feel intimidating to set. And, even the boundaries you feel most concerned about setting can be set with kindness.

Keep in mind that “kind” is different than “nice.” You do not need to fall into people-pleasing mode at all! You can kindly tell someone that you have commitments that preclude you from taking on new volunteer assignments, or that you are no longer able to answer calls on the weekend, or that you have established a new policy about loaning money.

Keep in mind, too, that your boundaries are kind to yourself, and that that is important!

3. Stay consistent.

Once you have communicated the new boundary, you may find that others do not fully respect that boundary. They may hope you will “relax the rule” or make exceptions for them. They may forget out of habit. They may try to persuade you to return to the pre-boundary way of interacting.

Keep the reason the boundary mattered to you to start with firmly in mind. Stay clear and determined about sustaining your new policy.

In time, people will either honor your boundary or not. If they choose not to honor your boundary you will have important information and can make a decision about making changes to that relationship.

Start small, but start!

Whether you are nervous about setting any new boundary, or you feel called to set a bold boundary, it will be best to start with setting a small, low-stakes boundary.

One that is likely to be easy for others to accept (and may be harder for you to stick to!), is to set limits on when you will respond to emails. You may want to add a signature to your emails stating when people will receive replies from you. (For example, you might say that you check emails twice each day, at 9:00am and 4:00pm, and that you respond to emails within 24 hours.)

After you have a couple of easy-to-communicate boundaries in place, you can aim for setting a boundary that is a bit more emotionally weighty. Being clear about the new boundary, and having a plan in place to communicate with kindness, you are likely to feel ready to declare your new boundary.

Big rewards await you

Be sure, after you have established each boundary, to take note of the impact it has for you, and celebrate yourself — you deserve to feel proud!

Each boundary you put in place creates clear space for you to bring more joy, more play, more creativity and more of what lights you up into your life.

That is what living big is all about!

Boundaries — what they are and why to love them

Many women I talk to fail to consider — or actively avoid — setting boundaries.

I know that I had not given boundaries much thought for most of my life. And when I began to think about setting boundaries, a lot of discomfort showed up.

The truth, that I have come to understand and experience, is that each boundary you set is a gift to yourself. And boundaries can always be set with kindness. 

This is a big topic — in fact, so big that I will address different types of boundaries now, as well as why they are important. Next week I will share ways to set boundaries that will help you live your best life.

Consider two types of boundaries

There are physical boundaries and abstract personal boundaries. Both of these categories are important.

Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include things like walls and fences. We can all recall what moats with drawbridges look like, that were built in medieval times to protect castles from invaders.

When we set a physical boundary, we are making it explicit to people to respect our space and not intrude on our privacy. 

You may want to set physical boundaries related to the kinds of physical contact you welcome — and contact you do not want. Perhaps you hate being hugged. Perhaps you don’t like being in crowded places. 

You may want to create private physical spaces, indoors (such as a room of your own) or outdoors (think fences and walls), where you can have solitude or pursue personal projects or activities. You may want people to knock before entering a room you occupy.

You may want to create a private space where your personal belongings, such as journals or keepsakes, will not be seen by others.

You may set boundaries related to material things you are willing/not willing to share, such as objects or money.

Some people need to set boundaries to have private spaces that will protect their safety.

Emotional boundaries

An emotional personal boundary is a limit, or rule, that you set with others (and sometimes with yourself) to delineate things that are important to you and your wellbeing.

In short, by setting these boundaries you make clear what is acceptable to you.

Emotional boundaries can relate to your time in a variety of ways.

When are you available? This can be to take phone calls or answer emails, or available to help with doing tasks for others. 

What tasks are you willing to take on, such as saying yes to doing “favors” for people, or doing more than your “fair share” (at home and at work)?

Emotional boundaries relate to your spirit, too. In these cases, you are setting limits to protect your emotional wellbeing.

For instance, you may choose which information to share and things to keep to yourself.

Or, if you have compromised your wellbeing by tolerating a relationship that is not healthy for you, you may know that a change is needed.

Here is another example. Maybe you allow others’ behavior to distress you, rather than creating a virtual, energetic boundary to protect your wellbeing — even in the face of their insensitivity or deliberately hurtful actions.

Why not bring awareness to places and situations where new or better boundaries will be helpful, in order to bring you more happiness and/or reduce stress in your life?

The gifts that boundaries deliver

While it may feel uncomfortable to think about setting boundaries — with people you are close to, with colleagues and clients, with strangers — you will reap many benefits. 

You will feel increased self-confidence and happiness.

Your relationships will be stronger and better when you clearly communicate what you want and do not want, as well as what you need and what are unwilling to tolerate.

You will feel great when you hold your standards, without guilt or apologies.

You will protect your spirit and feel grounded and clear.

Doesn’t all of that sound great?

Next week I will share ways to set new boundaries. It is often less “hard” to do than you may think!

What would it be like for you to feel freer?

When July 4 rolls around each year I naturally think of freedom. You probably do, too.

What resonates for me deeply this year is how free I feel. 

Specific questions I am asking myself now are:

• How free do I feel to show up in the world boldly?

• How free do I feel to allow myself to play?

• How free do I feel to start down new paths rather than sticking to the status quo, because that’s what I’m used to.

Whether these questions resonate for you at this moment in your life, or you have others that are particular to you now, I invite you to start exploring.

How free do you feel?

Let’s consider the three questions that keep coming to mind for me. Join me in being curious and see what comes up for you.

1. Do you feel free to boldly show the world who you are — without a mask, without holding back?

I gave a new talk this weekend titled, Embrace Your Bold: How to Amplify Your Voice and Increase Your Impact.

I opened the talk by sharing the impressions I used to have about of what “bold” looked like (such as being loud, and fearlessly doing daring feats). Those concepts of boldness turned me off, and made me doubt how bold I could be.

I also told the audience how I had tried to fake being bold in the past — and how those attempts had always failed. I explained that I have learned that being bold is a deeply personal set of choices, and there are ways to find your own bold, so you naturally and genuinely amplify your voice and increase your impact.

It was a short talk. There is much more I will cover when I expand the talk to a full keynote and deliver it in the fall. For now, I am pondering many ways I want to be bolder in my life, and what hampers me.

I invite you to consider this question, too. It will likely reveal things you have not brought into focus before.

2. Do you feel free to be playful, to lighten up, and let your spirit fly — just for the joy of it?

This question came to mind for me as I spent time with colleagues who were truly playful and joyous when they spoke on the stage before and after my talk.

I yearn to tap and express more of that light, playful energy, and am thinking about how I will begin — today!

3. Do you feel free to explore new options and make changes?

I have been asking myself about changes I want to make for the past few months. I am getting get super-clear, and I have been implementing them, one small step after another.

One decision became clear for me after my wonderful month living in Paris this past winter. I want to adjust the ways I spend my time so that I can paint more and write more. My soul yearns for more space for my own creative expression, and I have started making meaningful adjustments.

What about you?

Might you be stuck in a groove out of habit — about your work, or a relationship? Perhaps you are not honoring a deep desire?

Do you love things as they are, or do you realize you are ready to make a shift?

Are you holding back on making changes because they feel scary?

Feeling free enough to ask and explore the questions is step one!

Try using this special tool!

I created a guide to help you bring full self-expression into your life. It is colorful and fun to use. You will find that the more you are able to be fully self-expressed, the freer you will feel!

Download the guide here (no email needed!), and see what happens for you. 

Let’s all make this a season to activate glorious personal freedom!

My bonus tip to help you live big NOW!

Last week I shared 5 steps you can take to start making small steady changes that will help you live your biggest, most satisfying life.

If you missed it, or want to review the steps again, you can read it here.

The steps were designed to make it easy to bring a small and meaningful change in your life.

The objective is for you to see notable change quickly, so you can build momentum, and be able to make more positive shifts to the old habits that have been robbing you of time and space for what matters most to you.

Here’s a short recap of the 5 steps:

1. First identify one small shift you want to make.
2. Choose innovative ways to keep yourself focused.
3. Make a plan for the action you will take.
4. Track your progress.
5. Keep going — even if you stall, keep going and then build on your progress!

My mission is to help accomplished women everywhere all live their biggest, best lives!

Is the 5-step process is helping you?

Are you already noticing positive changes?

Whether you have started using the steps, or now want to begin to implement this gentle path to living a bigger, more satisfying life, I am excited to share one more idea today.

It can help you make the progress you desire with even more ease.

Watch your words!

This suggestion is subtle but powerful.

The language you use in your self-talk has a big impact on your thinking, and thus your actions.

I wrote about the power of self-talk to make your life easier in a post last year, that you can check out here. 

And here’s another post about the power of positivity.

To put this big idea to work, take note of times you use encouraging, supportive ways of speaking to yourself, and be aware of times you let criticism or negativity fill your thoughts.

When your language is positive and encouraging, your energy flows in great ways, and the outcomes of your efforts — no matter what you are focused on doing — will be noticeably better.

You always have the opportunity to turn negativity into positive thoughts and energy, and it is easier to do that than most people think.

Two examples of positive language to adopt

1. Eliminate the “shoulds”

Here is a common way that we make things hard for ourselves, that with a little attention, can be shifted to make things significantly easier and more pleasant.

If you find yourself thinking about what you should do, pause and shift to phrasing it as what you want to do, or what you get to do.

Can you see what happens when you swap in a few new words for “should”?

Instead of berating yourself or trying to force yourself to do something, you choose that thing!

When you change the words, your energy will come from a place of desire and/or opportunity. And what happens next will be remarkably better than starting with a should!

2. Add one new word

If you feel your progress is slower than you’d like — in making a small change of habits, or reaching a milestone, or completing a challenging task — instead of beating yourself up you can add the word “yet” to your thought.

For instance, if you are focused on speaking up more boldly, a new statement can look like this: 
“I have not had the courage to bring up that touchy subject with my colleague yet.”

Or, if you are trying to get more rest to feel your best, a new statement can look like this:
“I have not adjusted my bedtime yet, but I will test a new change to my routine tonight.”

Can you feel the energetic boost of simply adding “yet” to those sentences?

Awareness is powerful

When you slow down enough to bring awareness to the language you use in your self-talk, as well as when speaking with others, great things can happen with more ease and speed than you may be able to imagine now.

The more that you bring small, positive changes into your life, the more you will show up in new, big ways. I predict that you will love that expansive bigger version of you!

Email me and let me know how these suggestions work for you. And if you have questions I’ll be happy to hear them and get back to you.

This is your time to live big!

Ready to live bigger? Start with these 5 steps!

Most accomplished women I talk with express a desire to live a truly balanced and fulfilling life. While they yearn to show up fully every day, have an impact, and thrive, many confide that they feel limited and frustrated in their efforts to make that vision their reality.

Most take on too much.

Some don’t advocate for what they want — in their professional lives and in personal relationships.

They put their needs (for self-care, pursuit of personal interests, quiet time and more) behind those of others.

They compromise.

While they love the idea of living their biggest life, it does not feel natural for many of them to think of changing the ways they currently operate. Or they simply do not know where to begin to make changes.

Some even feel that the idea of living big may be too much — too much to expect for themselves, and/or too hard to achieve.

You cannot think too big, or live too big

One thing I know to be true is that all of us can learn, small step followed by small step, to show up fully in the world.

We can create the lives we yearn for!

We can overcome our doubts and limitations to pursue all that we desire and to have our biggest impact.

Can you embrace this truth? 

When you choose to pursue your biggest life, I urge you to be mindful that making significant changes is a process that unfolds over time.

These 5 steps will get the ball rolling.

1. Start with one small shift

When you start with new awareness, add commitment, and are willing to be patient as you make small shifts, you will begin to experience meaningful change.

And you can build on that change over time.

Here is a great place to start:

Ask yourself what small change will have the biggest impact for you now?

Maybe it’s getting more sleep.

Maybe it’s speaking up more clearly and boldly for something important.

Maybe it’s saying “No” without feeling guilty.

Maybe you will choose something else.

Make a choice!

2. Focus on that change

To help you stay focused, make reminders for yourself.

Use your phone, or put colored post-it notes on your desk, your bathroom mirror, your coffee-maker, and your laptop.  

You can ask for help from a trusted friend. They can be a sounding board, and might text you every day at a particular time to see how it’s going. 

Be creative and have fun with ways to keep yourself focused on this meaningful change.

3. Make a plan

For instance, if more rest is key for you now, will you get to bed earlier? Might you take a power nap at a time when your energy drops?

If you want to feel less discomfort saying “No,” you might journal in the morning and write about why it is important for you to stop crowding your days with obligations to others, rather than yourself.

Then, if you know a request is pending, or someone is waiting for an answer, or you simply want to be forearmed, take some time to practice kind ways to decline the request. 

4. Track your progress

Subtle changes can be hard to notice. Keep a small journal, or a running record on a device, to record the daily efforts you make and the outcomes you experience.

Take note of what works and what does not meet your expectations so you build on positive approaches. And note specific outcomes as they occur. 

If you have an accountability buddy or a coach, ask for feedback as you share your progress and your outcomes.

And acknowledge your progress — even small shifts are worthy of celebrating! It is the small shifts that become new habits, and your new normal. 

5. Keep going!

As you bring small changes into your life, and experience the way they enhance your wellbeing, momentum will build.

You will be ready to identify and embrace new changes you want to make, and you will likely feel increased confidence and enthusiasm about pursuing them.

This is how living big works.

As we each expand and live the satisfying life we desire today, we see more and more opportunity ahead.

We can all continue to step up and live with even more passion and authenticity and joy. And our impact is amplified as we continue to shine more and more brightly.

I invite you to join me on this path of expansion. My dream is for all of us to live all of our greatness. Let’s Live Big together!

(And if you’d like to share your vision of your biggest life, I’d be delighted to hear about it. Email me and we’ll make a date to talk.)

The power of YES

Do you say “Yes” to yourself?

For what do you say “Yes” to yourself — and how often?

And how big are your yeses?

I pose these questions because I frequently observe great women who say yes to other people, yes to requests and demands, and yes to undertaking tasks all the time, yet they do not comfortably and easily say yes to themselves, or yes to what they desire.

Many women are not clear about what they really want, or if they are, they feel it is unrealistic to expect that realizing their desires is possible.

Do you agree that these are, sadly, missed opportunities? 

When I imagine a world where more women bring all of their greatness forward, and are filled with positive energy, confidence and joy as they do it — so they live big! — it quickens my heart and brings a huge smile to my face.  

I want to tell you about a remarkable group of women who said yes to themselves in a big way, and what that looked like.

Three days that changed six lives

Six remarkable women said “Yes” to getting crystal clear about their vision for themselves in the months and year ahead, and “Yes” to determining what it will take to make that vision a reality.

They said “Yes” to embarking on a process of self-discovery and finding their truth — the gamut of their truth (the exciting and inspiring, and the painful truth, too). They were willing to find and grapple with all of it. 

They showed up for themselves and were willing to go deep. They stayed in the process when it they hit tender places and rejoiced in the aha moments and the play and fun of creating in powerful experiences.

They all said “Yes” to being a part of the Live Big Live! retreat we shared this past weekend — a program that started with a six-week gentle journey of self-discovery and culminated in life-changing breakthroughs that were made at the retreat.

The women shared and supported each other with love and generosity throughout the experience. They pushed their edges. They created. They discovered. They declared. They each set a course for how they will make their visions a reality.

They made commitments to themselves— often in ways they did not expect before they embarked on the journey.

All of the clarity that emerged for them inspired them to leave the retreat with huge appreciation for and excitement about all that they can and want to BE, all they can and want to DO, and all that they can and want to HAVE, to create a truly fulfilling future.

It was a joy and an honor to usher in these tremendous insights and to guide and mentor these fabulous women.

Is this your time to say “Yes”?

At each of the three Live Big Live! retreats I offer each year I witness transformations and joy, and this spring retreat was simply fantastic.

Check out the photos below to get a peek at what happened this weekend, and to see some of the amazing art that was created.

And read what a few of the participants had to say at the close of the retreat.

Are you curious about what this opportunity might mean for you?

Let me know if you feel the call (or even a small whisper) to say a bigger “Yes!” to yourself.

I am already meeting with women to see if the Fall Live Big Live! is a fit for them, and I would be happy for you to share what you desire and what’s in your way now.

I can tell you more about the program. And if you are interested, we can determine together if Live Big Live! may provide you the breakthroughs to help you create your most fulfilling life.

Email me and we'll make a date.

Here are some of the thoughts that were shared at the end of the Spring Live Big Live! retreat:

“This work is beautiful — filled with love, grace and help. It is life altering! Rochelle’s program has lead me through what could have been a disheartening journey. The work with her, and having this experience, provides me with a constructive, creative, enjoyable process of self-discovery and learning to live more expansively and completely.”

“Rochelle provides a supportive environment to go deeper, gain clarity and move your life forward. She sees people. She gives them the freedom and space to let down their guard, and the love and attention to grapple with some really substantial life questions. We all find more of our truth, more of ourselves, and grow.”

“The Live Big Live! retreat experience gives you the time you need to gain a better understanding of who you are and what you want. The retreat provides a space in which to explore what might be holding you back from living the life you want and deserve.”

“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

Turn pain into possibility

So many of us get stuck when we feel anger, pain, frustration and bitterness.

Last week, I wrote about why it’s important to fully feel and release difficult emotions, and shared ways to do that so you can move forward. If you missed it, you may want to check out those tips.

Today we’ll dive into what to do once you have released the hold of the emotions, so that you can move ahead when you feel freer.

It’s time to take a new approach

Now that you feel free of the grip of bitterness/anger/disappointment, you have an opportunity to more clearly consider the dynamic that set off the reaction.

If what bothered you was something fleeting, like a remark from a rude stranger, it may have been easy to move on once you let yourself go all the way into your feelings and release them.

But what if you are faced with a situation that’s a recurring challenge — say, someone at work or in your family who behaves in ways that trouble you, or sees things differently than you do?

Nearly everyone experiences this kind of thing.

You may find it helpful to see this as an opportunity. I know that may sound crazy, but hear me out.

Consider these new ways of moving forward:

• You have an opportunity to calmly state your case or express your point of view or suggested next steps. This may call on you to have a conversation in a different way than in the past. Get help if you need it, to be able to show up calmly and speak your truth.

• You can set new boundaries with that person, to minimize the likelihood of repeats in the future. This can mean minimizing contact with that person or setting conditions for ways you will interact.

• You can set new energetic boundaries for yourself when you decide not let someone else’s actions cause you pain. To do this, you might try seeing the other person operating the best they can, with limitations or different standards than yours. See if you can take it less personally. You might also feel compassion for them and send them love. 

• Let go of doubt. It may feel odd to approach things in a new way, but with practice you will get better and better at using these tools and finding your strength in situations that are hard for you now.

• Do not rehash. It is easy to replay and ruminate in the pain, which makes it hard to let go of the pain. Having taken good steps forward, do your best not to talk and think about it.

You have the opportunity to create rather than react

Yes, rather than reacting to things that sting on the fly, you always have the opportunity to create new ways of responding and moving forward in your life.

And, in this case, when you start with expressive creativity (to feel the emotions and move them through you), and follow that step with creating new ways to approach challenges in the future, you are creating the best possible conditions to support your wellbeing. 

With practice this process gets easier

Depending on the painful situations you face, the methods described last week and here may work perfectly the first time, or they may take ongoing practice — as has been my experience. 

If you keep in mind that your objective is to protect and strengthen your energy, and support your wellbeing so that you can bring all of your power into everything you do, you will find these approaches easier to master.

If you’d like support with any of this work, email me and we'll make a date to talk.

How to loosen the grip of painful feelings

It’s easy to get derailed by interactions and events that feel upsetting.

Whether it is in a moment when someone cuts you off in traffic, or when you interact with a person you know well who says or does something hurtful (often repeating a pattern of behaviour that has hurt before) it is easy to feel angry, bitter, shaken, wounded.

And while those feelings are valid and not to be brushed aside, there are ways to process the emotions to move forward feeling lighter and better, that you may not have considered.

Today I will share some first steps you can take when you are faced with upsetting emotions.

And next week, I will provide additional guidance to help you move forward once the grip of the emotion is released.

Feel your feelings — and then release them

It is important to acknowledge and feel what you feel. It is also important to learn how to transform the challenging emotion at hand, so you can move forward free of it.

It can be tempting to brush painful feelings aside, assuming they will simply dissipate. But that’s actually an illusion. Troubled emotions that we do not honor and work through inevitably show up in ways that have a negative impact. 

Or, you may tightly hold on to tough emotions.

Perhaps the pain and anger you feel in a relationship with someone, or another ongoing situation, are so ingrained that those emotions pop up automatically at the smallest provocation.

Emotions like these need to be released so you can begin to disrupt the pattern.

Try using some or many of these tips and see what happens. 

Ways to process and release painful feelings

To feel the feelings, and fully express them to wring them out, you might:

• Sit and free-write in a journal.

• Go for a long walk in nature, or go for a run, if that's how you like to move energy. 

• Scream into a pillow, like a friend of mine recommends.

• Stand in the shower and scream or cry out the emotions you feel. 

• Slam a stuffed doll at a table — over and over and over. 

• Crank up loud music and dance the emotions out.

• Make a series of hideously ugly drawings to wring out all the painful emotions. (This is one of my favorite techniques!)

It is important to let yourself go all the way into the emotions and use the way or ways that work best for you to let as much of it go as possible.

The process takes practice to master

You may find yourself needing to do multiple rounds, or trying multiple approaches, until you feel you have worked through and emptied as much of the unpleasant emotion as possible.

Situations that ignite difficult emotions can come at us unexpectedly. When they do pop up, be patient with yourself. Building awareness and carving out space to address those powerful emotions will help you feel better and think more clearly.

Next week, I will share approaches you can take that will build on this foundation of releasing the emotional charge.

Until then, have a great week.

(And if you’re ready to live your biggest, best life, you can book a quick call with me to talk about what that can look like.)

What does “commitment” mean to you?

Maybe you are a bit of a word nerd like I am.

The word “commitment” comes up in my life and my work with clients remarkably often, so I decided to took a look at the definition.

Here’s how the Cambridge Dictionary defines “commitment”:

• a promise or firm decision to do something

• willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in

• something that you must do or deal with that takes your time

This is a powerful word, and one I do not take lightly.

A promise is something serious and sacred. 

A firm decision is not always easy to make, but when you do make one it’s a big deal.

Willingness entails embracing the unknown and engaging in the work to make your decision become a reality.

And the process nearly always takes time.

We juggle lots of commitments

The accomplished women I work with are typically loaded with commitments.

They do work that is important and often demanding.

Most have families that entail commitments.

Many volunteer in a range of ways. 

And many want to make (or try and keep) commitments to themselves. They aim to focus on self-care, or passion projects, or more space for joy, and many find those commitments at the bottom of the list.

What true commitment looks like.

Every commitment is a promise, and there are only so many promises we can make and keep.

The key is to choose your commitments based on what is really important to you, and what is realistic for you now — so you can keep the promises. 

Choosing your commitments with care is the key to seeing them through.

The commitments you make will vary in size. The mix has to add up to what you can not only do, but do with joy.

Here are some examples of commitments I have witnessed that may inspire you.

1. Finding a new direction

More than one client I’ve worked with realized that burnout was taking a toll that was intolerable. The first commitment each made was to find a new path that would be fulfilling and sustainable — both personally and financially. Next came a willingness to embark on creating something new. Learning curves were daunting at times. Determination, patience and support were needed to launch new consulting practices. The outcomes have been tremendous for all of them.

2. Creating what their hearts desire

Two clients are leaders with demanding roles, in positions they care about and are great at. And, both have a deep passion (and talent!) for work that is quite different from their “day jobs”. Both are committed to nurturing and building the businesses they are truly passionate about. It entails careful decision-making and focus, as they honor what they truly love and plan to transition to consulting for their organizations. They will then make the work they are deeply passionate about their primary professional focus.

3. Reshaping work and life

Several entrepreneurs have realized they want to reshape their businesses to be more fulfilling, sustainable and lucrative. They have committed to getting clear about what they truly want and exploring avenues for change. The decisions are big and the executions need to be carefully and courageously carried out. It is exciting to see them commit to the process and reap the rewards.

Choose your commitments

Consider commitments in many sizes and flavors.

Maybe you want to commit to something small and meaningful, such as getting outdoors to walk every day, rain or shine.

Maybe you want to commit to withdrawing (with kindness) from things you said “Yes” to but realize they are not aligned for you, or you said yes to please someone, or you know it is not realistic for you to follow though with.

Maybe your new commitment will be to gracefully say “No” to anything that will overload you.

After you choose a small new commitment to bring into your life, consider the bigger commitments you long to make.

Don’t be shy.

You, too, can make meaningful new commitments and live your biggest life!

The surprising way to be happier + boost creativity

Do you like getting messy?

Maybe it feels fun for you to make a mess in the kitchen, or in the garden, or with paints or clay.

Or, like me in years past, maybe the idea of things being messy makes you cringe.

The colors in my box of pencils needed to be neatly arranged according to the rainbow. A counter covered in spilled flour as I mixed up a batter drove me crazy. Precision and order made me super-happy.

How I learned to tolerate (and appreciate) a mess

I will never forget the day my coach and I were beginning a creative exercise and he dumped out the contents of my pristine box of 48 perfect new pastels.

Many of them broke. Dust was all over the place. The pastels were in a heap and I was furious.

He laughed.

I moved ahead with the process with gritted teeth. I hated that I could not choose each color from the box and return each to its precise place every time I used a color. 

And what happened next was wonderful.

With the irreparable heap in front of me, I slowly let myself connect to the music and simply play with colors — choosing a bright green on the fly, tossing it back on the pile, and picking up a rich blue that caught my eye. On I went, not pausing to put anything back in place. I focused on the combination of colors and shapes I was throwing together on the page.

It was not long before I totally forgot how irritated I’d felt. I was absorbed in a great process and felt free.

Having been forced to give up the control I was accustomed to, I got to feel what happened when I allowed myself to relax.

And I realized that in that new relaxed state, that many things had happened that would not have been the same had I been focused on keeping everything neat.

I was happy to start bringing that freedom into other parts of my life.

Why making a mess is good

While many of us feel it’s fine for kids to get messy, we fail to consider why it is healthy for us as adults to make a mess, too.

Engaging in messy play sparks our senses — no matter our age. 

Messy play opens avenues of curiosity, and creativity of every kind flows from there.

Allowing ourselves to be free opens our hearts and brightens our spirits. 

Spontaneity and surprise, and the “accidents” that show up in the process, bring things to light that would have never likely occurred otherwise. 

Rather than focusing on having to know it all or sticking to a plan, or keeping things neat and tidy, when you allow for some messiness — in both play and the ways you approach everything in your day — truly amazing things can happen. 

You are likely to spawn big new insights that can become the launch-point for exciting projects and initiatives.

And best of all, you will ignite your spirit.

How might you explore messiness?

If you have been holding on tightly, trying to keep everything under control and “just right”, maybe introducing a little messiness will enable you to loosen your grip a bit.

You might start with play, experience how that feels, and then introduce bits of serendipity into other part of your life. Meaningful surprises are likely to follow.

If you are looking for ideas, or want to share your experiences (positive or not) with messiness, I’d be happy to connect. Email me and let’s connect.

Get through any struggle with these 5 steps

All of us wrestle with things that are tricky to navigate, or find ourselves in situations where communication is challenging, or on paths with obstacles we need to navigate. 

Sometimes there’s a tough decision or choice to be made. Sometimes there is someone in a dynamic with whom we do not see eye-to-eye. Sometimes an important boundary needs to be set and held. 

It is easy to feel engulfed in emotion, indecision, frustration, and even anger. 

Stress mounts, and stress can cloud your thinking. That makes things even harder. Stress can highjack your attention to a degree that you miss out on positive experiences and possibilities. 

Can you relate? 

Maybe something like that is happening right now, or a situation in the past springs to mind. 

As a coach, I support great women as they move through all sorts of challenges. And I, too, face challenges like these. 

Here are steps to take that I use, that may help you move through and forward to minimize struggle.

Follow these 5 steps to get started

1. Make space to pause and think clearly

In stressful situations, it’s tempting to push forward and act on your first impulse. 

When you choose to sit quietly and think, you can aim to consider the situation free of emotion (whether it’s fear, anger, or frustration at another person or the situation). 

You may want to journal, or take a brisk walk to clear your head. 

Can you reframe your take on things, or gain more perspective on all of it? You may want to ask someone to help you see things with keener objectivity.

2. Make a plan

This is the time to chart a course forward.

From a place of calm and greater clarity, perhaps having considered multiple possibilities, you may realize you want help from someone with particular expertise or experience. 

What is the best approach you can determine now? What boundaries and guardrails will be important to put in place? 

Your plan may not be “perfect” or work out smoothly. That’s ok. 

The key is to get things started, knowing you can make adjustments and modifications as events unfold.

3. Take action

With a plan of action in hand, it is time to implement.

Seek out resources you may need. 

When written and/or verbal communication are needed, aim for clarity free of judgement or drama. 

And be aware that as you move forward you may well find yourself returning to steps 1 and 2. (Or, remind yourself that you can use those steps again!)

4. Process your emotions

As noted in item 1 above, a range of emotions can be present at the start of the process, and emotions will continue to be a factor until — and even after — there is resolution. 

Processing your emotions as you move forward is important. Trying to ignore your feelings, or deny them, may seem expedient, but is not advised.

Take time to be with the fear, or frustration, or disappointment, or anger.

• Some people scream into a pillow.

• Some get the emotion out by running or hitting the gym.

• Some pour their emotions onto pages in a journal or onto a canvas in hideous colors.

• Some ask a trusted friend to let them vent. 

Find what works for you and give yourself time to wring it all out. You may need to repeat the process. It is rare that one round does the trick. 

Your objective is to get to a place where the charge is released, your heart feels open, and you can think as calmly and clearly as possible.

5. Stay in the process until it is resolved

It’s easy to initiate a plan, gain some traction and want things to be ”done” before they are, in fact, resolved.

Even if you feel impatient, even if the process is uncomfortable or becomes more uncomfortable over time, stay committed to seeing it through to a point of resolution.  

Be sure to include step 6: Let go!

When you have reached a resolution, whether you feel great, or disappointed, or anything in between, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you worked for the best outcome and did it with integrity. 

And mixed or negative emotions may linger. 

The biggest gift you can give yourself is to let go of any emotions that are not supporting you to be your best, to do your best, and to be as happy as possible. 

Use the suggestions in number 4 above to help yourself, so you do not feel stuck or rehash things in ways that hamper you. 

When you release any lingering emotions that diminish your wellbeing, you make precious space in your life for more goodness and more opportunities. 

And who doesn’t want more of that?

One last thing! There is still a spot available for Live Big Live! this spring. If you have been thinking this could be your time to step into creating your most fulfilling, empowered future, email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

What if it was easy?

We often start a tightly-scheduled day, or have a new project to tackle, and feel that it will be hard. It does not seem possible to squeeze everything on the list into the hours of the day ahead. The new project is complex and feels daunting.

I was accustomed to thinking things would be hard for most of my life.

I looked at my schedule and felt heavy thinking about how hard it was going to be to get so many things done on time.

I thought about a new project with worry about how I would get all the facts, create a plan, recruit the right people and resources, and execute on the plan by the deadline.

That mental starting point, that heaviness and concern, set me up for struggle — until I learned that there was another way to consider “challenges” like these.

A great question changed everything

In a conversation with my coach a few years back, I was sharing how burdened I felt by many things on my to-do list, about looming deadlines, about how to figure out some things that were stumping me.

She paused and asked me a great question:

“What if it was easy?”

I was taken aback! I had never considered that any of those things might be easy, or could be easy.

I was in the habit of thinking about things as being hard to do, and hard to get done in the midst of a busy day (and my busy life).

It can be easier than you think

When I shifted to considering “What if it was easy?” and telling myself, “This can be easy,” my world changed!

I began approaching my to-do list with a lightness I’d rarely felt on hectic days. I now look at my calendar and my to-do lists and think to myself that I can certainly move through the events and tasks with ease.

I also begin with positive, optimistic and excited energy as I embark on big new projects. 

And by making those shifts I have been rewarded in wonderful ways.

Most tasks feel manageable and get completed with ease. For those that require more time and effort, for whatever reason, I stay relaxed and they go much more smoothly than in the past.

At the end of the day I am less depleted and I have enjoyed my work!

And when I begin new projects that are complex and important (as I will do later today), my frame of mind is more playful, open and excited. I begin with the expectation that it can, indeed, be easy to approach and complete. I enjoy the process of jumping in to new projects.

Add another positive thought to the equation

There is another new way of thinking that combines brilliantly with, “What if it was easy?”

I suggest you start each day with the thought:

“I have an abundance of time!”

Embracing this belief makes an enormous difference for me, enabling me to move through my days with so much more ease. 

Combining the two statements removes stress and increases both productivity and satisfaction in remarkable ways. 

My clients swear by the power of embracing these two statements, too.

Test it for yourself

I invite you to try making these two ideas — separately and in combination — a regular part of your approach to your day.

You can download the graphic below. Why not print it and post where you can see it every day so that it serves as a welcome reminder?

I predict that it will not be long until these new thoughts become familiar and will have a positive impact for you. 

I would be delighted to hear from you when you bring these ideas into daily practice. Email me to let me know if they boost your day-to-day wellbeing.

Give yourself the gift of going deep

Most accomplished women are lucky to carve out bits of time for quiet reflection, much less deep thinking.

Endless to-do lists run their lives. And when time does open up, many don’t think to reflect, or know how to approach quiet inquiry. They usually find themselves returning to being busy, or they get distracted in all sorts of ways that quickly fill time. 

What going deep can look like

I first ventured into deep personal exploration over a decade ago and it changed my life. Working with a coach, I was prompted and guided to explore questions I never had before.

And a notable part of my journey was when I dared to start painting in 2015. It has enabled me to know myself and express myself in truly remarkable ways.

Having just returned from attending a fabulous week at a writing retreat, I am so glad I took a big new step on my path of meaningful expansion.

I was guided to bravely begin writing and to trust myself in a new medium. I was with a small group of inspiring women, also bravely writing stories that were powerful, funny, moving, raw, and provocative. We all explored and made discoveries found in deep places inside of us. 

We each dared to take this time for ourselves, motivated by a desire to grow in new ways as we shaped our ideas, committed them to paper, and received loving feedback from our teacher and each other.

We showed up for ourselves. We connected to parts of ourselves we do not usually approach. We excavated courageously and found gems.

I see great similarities between what happened for me last week and what I witness each time I lead my Live Big Live! program.

I feel a thrill when I see my clients discover exciting and gratifying work — or reignite their passion for what they do each day.

It is wonderful to observe the ways they are now forging, or repairing, or finding relationships from a grounded, clear, centered place.

They are each moving into exciting futures, with space to honor their well-being, with clarity, confidence and joy.

Are you ready to meet yourself in a new way?

The experience of connecting to yourself and igniting a huge spark in your life is possible for you, too.

If you are intrigued by the idea of making time for your own journey to your heart, so that you connect to your deep desires, clarify a vision for your most fulfilling future, and express yourself with joy, the spring Live Big Live! program may be right for you. 

You can be part of an intimate group of wonderful women who are bravely honoring themselves as they embark on rewarding journeys of self-discovery.

If you hear a small voice (or maybe a loud, “Yes!”) saying this is the time to connect to all of who you are, and be guided to living your most fulfilling life (whether you have an image of what that looks like or are trying to figure it out), let’s get on a call.

There are still a few spots available for the upcoming Live Big Live! retreat, but the deadline for enrollment is coming fast.

Let’s connect and see if this is a fit for you.

Schedule a call today

It’s your time to shine

The last two weeks we focused on why so many amazing women second-guess themselves, and how we can all connect to the truth in our hearts. Now it’s time to look at ways to practice speaking the truth you found there.

Is it time to speak more of your truth? Start small!

The power of small, steady steps is often overlooked.

Whether you’ve been holding back on speaking up about something that matters to you, or a new revelation emerged that you want to express, find a person and/or setting that feels safe and supportive. 

Tell them you want to share something meaningful that they may not have heard from you before. Ask if they can be a sounding board for you and withhold judgement or opinion. 

Then share that idea.

If you hear voices of doubt, remind yourself that you are terrific. Also remind yourself that this is a safe way to start. The person you chose, or the small group, will listen and respond positively.

And, even if that person or someone in the group does not agree with you, that’s fine. Own your ideas and opinions.

Keep practicing

The more you practice speaking your truth, the more people will expect (and in many cases look forward to) hearing what you have to say.

And your satisfaction and comfort speaking your truth will grow over time.

When there is a bigger matter to speak up or out about — soon after you get comfortable with this way of showing up or somewhere down the line — you will be a woman who feels in her power to clearly speak her truth

Are you ready to step into your biggest, best life?

Maybe you know there is more greatness in you that's waiting to emerge. You want to show up fully, without fear, and live your best life.

Maybe you are at a crossroads or in a transition and yearn to set your compass with clarity to move confidently into a truly fulfilling future.

Maybe you are focused on a career decision, or a relationship, or want to make another change, and feel stuck.

If any of these resonate in your heart, you can move into your most satisfying future — and have a true breakthrough more quickly than you may think.

The Live Big Live! program was created for you.

Dozens of women have experienced life-changing breakthroughs in this program.

You will be part of a small cohort of remarkable women and be guided to make deeply meaningful personal discoveries. When you arrive at our fabulous 3-day retreat, your discoveries will crystalize into a powerful vision — of the women you are becoming and the life you want to create.

We go deep together, in a space filled with loving energy. We play, we create, we share, and sometimes tears are shed. All of it supports life-changing breakthroughs, that I have been thrilled to witness at each Live Big Live! retreat.

Read what past participants have said about Live Big Live! (Enjoy the short videos there, too.)

Take your first step!

Let’s have a call to see if this program is right for you.

Schedule a call today

Another fast way to connect is to simply email me and we’ll make a date.

How to connect to the truth in your heart

Part of the reason so many accomplished women second-guess themselves (the topic I wrote about last week), and struggle when it comes to confidently speaking their truth, is that they are disconnected from their truth — their deep desires and beliefs.

Many have walled off their hearts.

Sometimes it’s out of fear. Sometimes it has not occurred to them to explore their deep desires, and a block has developed around their hearts. And sometimes they are living life at such a frantic pace that they have not made time for thoughtful reflection.

In any of these scenarios, the wall progressively gets taller and harder to penetrate.

Whether you relate to being disconnected from what you really want, or you lack true clarity about your beliefs, or (like so many great women) you know there is more in your heart to bring into the light, I invite you to take some action and see what happens.

How to start? Get curious!

Curiosity is powerful. When you embrace this mindset your heart will open up more easily and you will feel free to explore there.

Devoting just a few minutes a day for a week or two will reveal a lot.

As you pursue the exploration, you will make meaningful discoveries that will, in turn, make it easier to start speaking your truth.

Why not begin today? 

Grab a journal and do some probing

Pick from the prompts on this list, or dive into each of them.

• Explore your biggest dream. You know, the one that has been whispering (or maybe shouting?) to be heard.

• Consider what your heart yearns to tell you. You may need to sit with this one a bit and simply ask your heart, “What do you want me to know?" followed by, “What else?” How deeply can you probe?

• Ask yourself, if you were not afraid, what message would you find in the deep recesses of your heart. Also ask, if you were not afraid, what would you love to try or love to do?

• Ask yourself what you truly want — in this moment (it could be a hot cup of cocoa, or taking a walk in the woods) and honor it. Even if it is something you cannot do right away, put a date on your calendar and do it.

• Then, ask the bigger question about what you want: What do you want in your life? You might say more love, or a new job, or to travel, or peace of mind. Whatever shows up is great. Write all of it down.

• Also ask yourself what you want to say. It may be something that you have held back on. It may be something you have not dared to say — ever, or to someone in particular.

Reflect on what emerges

You may be surprised at what shows up for you. If so, sit with the insights and see how they settle in your mind.

If truths about which you had awareness have been confirmed in your exploration, you will likely feel more sure and clear.

With the insights and clarity that come to light, it is also likely that you will feel more positively about (and maybe even eager about) speaking your truth in a bigger way, and with more confidence.

And if you still feel tentative about giving voice to or acting on those insights, that’s fine. This is a process that unfolds at different paces and in different ways for everyone. 

Acknowledge yourself for taking action

Every step you take to gain clarity and perspective is significant. Give yourself a smile in the mirror and a “Yay me!” each time you carve out time to probe your heart and reflect on what shows up.

Next week, I will share ways to practice speaking your truth — or speaking more of your truth — with more confidence and ease.

Until then, why not envision yourself experiencing more satisfaction and comfort doing that? (There is more power in visualizing the outcomes you want than you may know!)

I am always happy to hear about your explorations and your aha’s, as well as your questions. 

And if you want to consider having support so you can step into living the truly fulfilling future you yearn for, let's talk soon. I have a several program options that may be a fit for you, and one of them kicks of in a few weeks. Email me and we’ll make a date.

Are you ready to stop second-guessing yourself?

Maybe as you grew up, you were not encouraged to share your opinions and ideas. That was my experience.

And maybe it took you time to find the courage to speak up without frequently second-guessing yourself. (That was my experience as well.)

Whatever the root, many accomplished women have shared with me that it can be hard for them to speak up with ease.

Sadly, many brilliant women find themselves holding back or feeling doubtful about speaking what they know is true and important.

Why we second-guess ourselves

Some women have had a hit to their confidence — confidence that used to be solid. Often a toxic work environment has left this mark, but personal challenges can also be the cause.

Some women — maybe those you’d least expect — have struggled with speaking their truth over many years.

Whether it is in a meeting, in an important conversation, or another setting, some women compare themselves to others and feel they do not measure up.

Some feel like an imposter, and are fearful they will be “found out” as a fraud.

Some have a story lodged in their brain (often having been planted by a family member, a teacher, or a sports coach) that they were not good at something specific, or were generally “not good enough.” Those stories feel real, even when there is evidence that they are false.

While it can take some time, these are all limitations we can learn to overcome when we have support and good tools.

Self-awareness provides insight

In my next Big Ideas email we’ll dive into gentle, revelatory ways to connect to your truth and your deep desires — even in the midst of a busy life.

Until then, I invite you to think about reasons that contribute to your moments of self-doubt.

If you feel less confident than in the past, are you clear about the reason?

Can you take an objective look back? Can you try and reframe your perspective when you find your confidence MIA?

If you recall being told something that lodged a limiting belief in your mind, can you look at it through a different lens now? 

Whether a hurtful message was imparted when you were small, when you were starting your professional career, or was experienced recently, it is helpful to notice when it shows up, pause to reconsider it, and reflect on it clearly through your eyes today. 

Can you think of times that disprove the limiting belief or lack of confidence?

Each time I have asked a client, she can think of multiple times in the past when she was able to do a thing she doubted in the moment. 

You, too, can think about times in your past when you were able do something you currently doubt. When you take note of that evidence, you can bring new energy to what is in front of you!

Can you feel a difference now?

Every time you tune in, get clear, and are able to take a small new step to show up in a bigger way, you grow. And over time, with ongoing focus and commitment, your growth accelerates.

Give yourself a “Yay me!” each time you gain new awareness, and each time you are able to show up in a bigger way (even it you start with small changes).

If you want support to get to the root of your doubt and turn it around, email me and let’s talk. I have a several program options to support you.

Let’s figure out what you really want

Here’s a question that may sound simple: Do you know what you want?

It’s an important question, but many women consider it in a superficial way.

Knowing what you truly want matters

In the midst of a busy life, it’s rare to take time to ask yourself what you deeply desire.

In the moment, you may want space to think, or to feel calm. You may want something yummy to eat, or feel the desire to connect to someone you miss.

Those desires are meaningful and always worth honoring.

It’s the the desires in your heart that lie deeper — those about which you have awareness and those that may be buried and need to be mined for — that many of us rarely explore.

Those deep desires are the key to creating a future that will be truly fulfilling.

You can learn to explore your deep desires

My life was on autopilot for decades. I had no idea there was another way to live. I took each day as it came, put out fires that flared, made the best decisions I could, and kept going.

It was not until I started working with a brilliant coach that I began making shifts — small at first — that opened up a world of new insight and new ways of being.

I learned to slow down, to tap my heart and listen to my intuition. I was asked great questions I hadn’t ever considered. Answering those questions lead to tremendous new awareness.

Everything I have learned, including my formal training, informs the work I now do with other accomplished women who are at a crossroads, in a transition, or are figuring out what's next.

And it’s a joy to share my approaches with great women.

Here are 3 ways to start finding your answers

1. You can begin slowly and take steady action

If you like to start with small steps, I invite you to order a copy of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. It’s full of wonderful small practices you can use each day to bring meaningful shifts into your life. (And the book is so lovely that you will want to pick it up often!)

2. Say “Yes” to a workshop experience

I developed a my Dream Big Vision-Board Workshop to help women go deep into their hearts and find their desires and truth — and capture it all visually, so they can stay committed to what they want in their lives.

I led the workshop this past weekend (see the photo below of the amazing boards that were made!) and I am exploring a date to offer the workshop again.

Sign up for my emails to get announcements, and reach out if you want to plan a special workshop for your team or group.

3. Explore what a breakthrough can look like for you

Check out my signature program Live Big Live! The spring retreat is launching soon, so this opportunity may be perfectly timed for you. (And, there are other coaching options, too.)

You can read what many remarkable women have said about their coaching experiences and outcomes, and see what resonates for you.

Self-awareness makes everything possible

All of the suggestions I included above are paths to personal insight that will set the stage for you to gain clarity and experience significant personal growth.

I would love to hear about the future you yearn to create.

And I would be delighted to provide you with new perspectives and insight, to help you gain some self-awareness right away.

Email me, or book a call here.

I look forward to our conversation!

Here are the beautiful, exciting vision boards each woman made at the workshop on Saturday. Each board shines with the clarity that was revealed in our time together!

How to play your way to a more fulfilling life

You, like most women I talk to and work with, may be focused on all you want to accomplish, and sometimes struggle to slow down and make space for yourself.

Paradoxically, you may also feel sluggish or stuck from time to time.

Some women express it as being in a funk, or feeling drained. 

They want to feel energized and upbeat, but that energy sometimes feels out of reach.

Play is a great way to ignite your spirit

When you feel low and cannot think of ways to shift into a positive, energized frame of mind, choosing to play works wonders!

And, playing sometimes sounds a bit odd to serious professionals.

I invite to you consider play with deeper insight.

Play is more beneficial than you may know

As adults, playing can sometimes feel complicated, and unimportant.

Consider that studies show that play releases endorphins (hormones in the brain and nervous system that make us feel happy). Play also helps our brains function better, reduces stress, and stimulates creativity. It even boosts physical health.

Try some (or many) of these fun ideas

Do you love collecting?

Whether you love to roam through antique markets, take walks on the beach in search of shells or driftwood, or search online for special items, set aside time, dive in, and enjoy!

Maybe games appeal to you.

Board games, competitive sports, or other types of games, excite lots of people. Rather than being a spectator, dive in! And playing these games with other people can add to the pleasure you’ll experience.

Maybe you like more solitary fun.

Choose a great jigsaw puzzle, word puzzles, or number puzzles and settle in to enjoy them.

Does exploring excite you?

You can get lost on purpose on a return trip from a meeting or errands and see what you discover. Or go to a place nearby that has intrigued you and explore in those surroundings.

You can create in so many ways!

Play with color and materials! Whether you enjoy drawing; using bright colored paints, pencils or markers; molding clay or throwing vessels on a potter’s wheel; sewing and other handwork; or building things, doing something creative and expressive is a great way to bring the spirit of play into your day!

There are endless possibilities for play. Maybe you have favorites I did not mention that you want to do more of, or are curious to try. 

Consider recruiting kids, friends, extended family, or coworkers to join the fun. The shared energy, laughter and mutual support will bring even more delight to your spirit!

What do you want more of?

Play fuels your life with positive energy, opening the way for you to connect to what really matters most for you, so you can pursue those things — even in the midst of a busy life.

It’s a game-changer to live your life with clarity about what you desire. 

And it’s a game-changer to live with a heart that is lit up.

This is how you create the life you want, day by day. It’s what I call living big!

My signature program, Live Big Live!, that was formed by my path to creating the life I desired, has helped great women like you to move past what has limited them so that they now live bigger, more confident and fulfilling lives. 

I would be happy to share the details about Live Big Live! (that will soon kick off for the spring) to see if it might take you to new heights.

Email me, or book a call here. I look forward to our conversation!

How to connect to your heart – and why you will be glad you did

I arrived home Sunday night, after many weeks of travel. It’s felt great to sleep in my own bed, prepare breakfast in my kitchen, to wake up, get outside, and see my neighborhood with fresh eyes.

It got me thinking about the concept of “coming home” and how we always have the opportunity to come home to ourselves.

“Coming home” to ourselves is about heart connection

When we rush through life we disconnect from our hearts.

Happily, we can always return and reconnect there. We have endless opportunities to look inside with fresh eyes.

The key is to get quiet and consider who we are, who we yearn to become, and mine the desires that sit in our hearts.

How do you want to live? How do you want to work? How do you want to play? With whom do you want to share it all? What impact do you want to have in the world? Why does it matter?

Connecting to the heart is different for everyone

Some of my clients are aware of a yearning, or have clear insights into their desires for their lives.

For other women, there’s a disconnect from their deep feelings and desires. Their hearts feel inaccessible. Many feel stuck. Most believe that, with help, they can find and awaken what is waiting to be discovered in their hearts. 

And for many women, there’s middle-ground awareness.

They think they have an idea of what they want, or at least feel clear that something is brewing. They want to find about what is waiting to come fully into the light.

Whatever category they fall into, they want to be able to move forward with clarity that can serve as a compass.

You can “come home” even when you have not been away

I encourage women to regularly make heart connections, wherever they are.

Making a “heart connection” entails tuning in to the subtle desires, feelings, and messages in your heart. By doing this you can stay truly connected to yourself, and live in alignment with what matters most.

Ideally we will all explore our hearts with some frequency.

And, it does not happen without setting the intention to get quiet and inquire.

It’s slowing down and making time for a practice like this that is step one for you to ‘come home to yourself.”

Not sure how to proceed?

Last week I wrote about the gifts of slowing down and being still, as I recognized the importance of making small shifts for myself, to work less hard and rest more. You may want to look at the tips I shared for ways to do that, so you can set the ideal condition for your journey of reconnecting to your heart.

Next decide how to get started.

Consider these approaches:

1. Make a plan

As each season changes, schedule an hour or two (or more!) to explore your heart. The start of each year is a great time to do this. Your birthday is another date that will be easy to remember. You may even want to do this on a monthly basis.

2. Start with some quiet breathing

Even two minutes of mindful breathing calms the nervous system. It helps you shift into quiet and allows more insight to flow forth. If you wish to spend more time breathing quietly, or want to meditate (in silence or listening to a guided meditation) go for it!

3. Start a journal

Most people like to write to explore their hearts. Why not choose a fresh journal for this and future explorations?

Writing by hand is best. (There is evidence that handwriting, as opposed to typing, activates the brain more, and in slowing us down brings more clarity.)

And while you may pick up a pen and be off and running, many people have trouble getting started.

You can use my Discovery Dozen™ exercise to get started, if you know it. It is explained in my book (Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life) and there are many examples there to inspire you.)

Or begin with a prompt. Some of these may work for you:
What I most want now is…
The emotions I sense now are…
What would make me happy is…
Even if I don’t know how to do it, I dream of…
It would be amazing if…

4. Make it visual

Even if you don’t consider yourself “artistic” there is something freeing about grabbing some markers or pens or crayons (maybe even some paints), to visually express what you feel and what you want.

Stick figures are fine! In fact, even if you are a trained artist, this can be a good time to just get the ideas onto paper quickly (and add some words, too), rather than focusing on making something with great care. If your attention is on a beautiful or “perfect” outcome, you may have trouble focusing on and connecting to the deep desires in your heart. 

5. Choose a partner

Some women find it easier to explore deeply in the company of a close friend. If you know someone who wants to dive in to her own heart, she may be a good person with whom to partner.

You can do this together in person, or make a virtual date. The key is to plan for uninterrupted time.

Talk about how you each want to approach the exploration. One of you may use a journal and the other may want to use colored markers on a large sheet of paper. You may want to walk in nature and talk to get started, or to reflect together. You may each want to simply have company and not share at all. 

Set clear ground rules, too. Neither of you are there to tell the the other what she should do, nor are you are there to criticize anything that is shared.

And put the next date on your calendar!

Getting started is great, but if you approach this as a one-and-done process, you will miss a lot of potential for insight and growth over time. 

Choose the next time you will set time aside to return to this process.

Your outcomes are likely to be meaningful

Time and again, my journey to coming home to my heart has been powerful. It never fails to move me forward in new and meaningful ways.

And you can have guidance to take you to your most powerful outcomes.

This journey to the heart is what I designed my signature program, Live Big Live! to achieve. It is based on my own path to creating the life I desired, and incorporates an array of incredible approaches.

The program is designed to guide a small cohort of remarkable women to discover deeply, so they can set a clear vision for the next part of their lives and step into making that vision their reality. Not only do they have my guidance, they have the support of the other wonderful women who are on the journey with them.

I am moved to say that this program has been life-changing for dozens of past participants, 

If you want to hear more about the Spring Live Big Live! opportunity, let’s talk soon. 

I will listen to learn about what is happening in your life and what you yearn for, and I will provide you with fresh insights and perspective. And we can explore if Live Big Live! is a good fit for you. (If it's not, that’s fine.)

And if you want to simply catch up, or start a fresh new connection, I’d love that, too.

Email me, or book a call here. I look forward to our conversation!

What are you doing for YOU today?

I've lived a whirlwind of exciting travel the since mid-January, and I am deeply grateful for the amazing experiences I have enjoyed.

Living in Paris, then attending a life-changing retreat in Texas, and now spending time in Arizona, I have seen heart-stopping art, been in gorgeous urban and natural environments, shared time with people precious to me, and eaten wonderful food.

For most of these weeks I sustained a “normal” work schedule, coaching clients, speaking virtually, and attending meetings on Zoom.

I have also made art with a limited set of materials that I could carry with me, and have enjoyed quite a few surprises as I created in new ways.

And now, I am (finally) slowing down to give myself the gift of rest.

We are humans, not machines

My natural inclination is to be in motion, to do.

I have an abundance of ideas. There is so much that excites me. I love my work and love connecting to new people.

And paradoxically, one of the big messages I share in my speaking appearances and writing is that we need to slow down and be still. I teach that that ability and practice is the foundation of Living Big!

“Slow Down and Be Still” is the title of the first chapter of my book, and the entire first half of the book is about the being of Living Big! Of course, there is a natural rhythm for being and doing, it’s just that I often am out of balance. And I know I am not alone.

To quote myself, we are human beings, but we spend too much time doing and not enough time being.

And even machines need down-time, and routine maintenance!

We need to return to the basics, over and over

In conversations I have had recently, a number of women have shared that their crushing schedules and pressures at work have led to burnout.

A big contributor is that many women put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

I am not pushing as hard as I have in the past, but I have slipped, bit by bit, into too much doing without adequately focusing on my wellbeing.

I have reminded myself that “we teach what we need to learn.” For me, it is time to get back to the fundamentals.

Small ideas for slowing things down

The key for me, and for most women, is to start making really tiny shifts. We often underestimate the impact of making small consistent changes.

You may want to pick from these ideas and see what happens.

1. Make a bedtime shift

Many women tell me they stay up late and are exhausted in the morning. Why not adjust your evening routine and go to bed 10 or 15 minutes earlier? After a few days or a week, you may try for another 15 minutes earlier.

2. A little movement works wonders

Set a reminder on your phone to go off at least once an hour. Turn away from your computer and sit and breathe for 2 minutes. (Setting the timer for two minutes will allow you just relax and breathe!) Then stand up and stretch for another minute or two. 

3. Fresh air is a game-changer

So many people spend their days inside buildings and cars. Get outside and walk at least once each day! It can be to the corner and back, a spin around the block, a walk to a lunch spot you usually drive to, following on a path in a nearby park, or walking down a city street.

4. Create more “white space”

If you look at a magazine layout, the page is sure to have margins that designers have created to make the page easy and pleasurable to ready. Nobody wants to read a page crammed with solid text! That “white space” is important in life, too. Look at your calendar and create some “white space” for yourself this week and looking ahead. What have you said “yes” to that you can you skip? What can be delegated to someone else? What can be deferred?

5. Schedule something just for you

Look at your calendar and schedule in time (anywhere from an hour to a day!) for something that will make you happy! Who might you play with? What might you explore? What will light you up? What will make you feel great? 

6. There are endless possibilities!

If nothing on this list especially sparks your spirit, or you want to do more for yourself, think about something small that will do it for you. It could be eating a fresh salad with flavors you love, or getting tickets for the theater, or making a call to someone you miss. Find something that is just for you that you can make space for now.

It is important to be mindful about these practices!

If you see the busy creeping back in, return to the awareness of how you are living — and see if you can expand on these new ways of making space for yourself and your wellbeing!

The changes I am making now

I have one more week in Arizona before returning home. I am slowing down and it feels wonderful.

I have a bit of work on my schedule this week, but I have planned to do far less than usual.

I started getting more sleep.

I now start my day listening to music I love, rather than the news.

I am walking in nature every day.

I am making time to write from the heart.

I have set things up to be able to play and make art with ease. (While my new creative experiments are not yet posted, you can take a look at my artist website here.) 

And I am firmly committed to sustaining my focus on slowing down and being intentional about my schedule when I return home next week!

If you want to share your favorite small self-care tips — or you want to share your struggles to slow down — I invite you to email me, or book a call and we can talk.