How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Move Forward

Are you tough on yourself? 

I certainly was harsh and judgmental with myself for much of my life.

With attention in the last years, I have sharpened my awareness and shifted my thinking when I notice that I’ve slipped into criticizing or berating myself. 

The danger of harsh self-talk

Any time you tell yourself something like

• “Work harder and make it perfect!”

• “I feel like such a fraud.”

• “Who are you to try something so audacious?”

• “I am such an idiot for making that stupid mistake!”

your self-critic is running the show. And it’s doing more damage than you may think.

Frequent negative thoughts like those wear you down.

They erode confidence and can slowly grow into a mountain of doubt.

Left unchecked, they can poison your spirit.

It’s time to change your stories 

The truth is that each time you send a negative message to yourself it’s a story, and you can change those stories!

Here’s how.

1. Start by bolstering self-love, in the form of being kind and compassionate to yourself.

After all, you would never say most of the harsh things you say to yourself to someone else! 

It’s time to give yourself some grace. 

2. Aim to catch yourself in the act when you hear yourself spewing a damaging message. Noticing is the first step to making change.

3. Next, change the story — in tone and substance. 

Sure, you may have made a mistake. Who hasn’t? It’s when you can tell yourself it was an inadvertent error, or you can laugh it off, or you apologize and commit to doing more research next time — and then move on — that you will release yourself from stewing about it. You will be free to keep moving forward.

Here’s another example.

If you are a perfectionist, it’s time to embrace this truth: perfect is the enemy of good!

You can tell yourself this new story: It’s really good! Maybe it could be more perfect, and I might do more at some point, but right now I am getting this out to the world!

All negative self-talk can be turned around when you have the awareness that those thoughts are showing up, and you focus on making a shift.

Stick with it!

While negative thinking about myself happens less frequently now, I have learned that this kind of self-talk does not go away completely. 

And, I am happy to say that staying alert to it does get easier.

The more you spot negative thinking in the moment and choose to tell yourself a new story, the more natural it becomes to stay in a positive frame of mind.

You will feel better. You will show up fully. You will have a bigger impact with everything you do!

And that is a remarkable gift you can give yourself.

Are you ready to stop second-guessing yourself?

Maybe as you grew up, you were not encouraged to share your opinions and ideas. That was my experience.

And maybe it took you time to find the courage to speak up without frequently second-guessing yourself. (That was my experience as well.)

Whatever the root, many accomplished women have shared with me that it can be hard for them to speak up with ease.

Sadly, many brilliant women find themselves holding back or feeling doubtful about speaking what they know is true and important.

Why we second-guess ourselves

Some women have had a hit to their confidence — confidence that used to be solid. Often a toxic work environment has left this mark, but personal challenges can also be the cause.

Some women — maybe those you’d least expect — have struggled with speaking their truth over many years.

Whether it is in a meeting, in an important conversation, or another setting, some women compare themselves to others and feel they do not measure up.

Some feel like an imposter, and are fearful they will be “found out” as a fraud.

Some have a story lodged in their brain (often having been planted by a family member, a teacher, or a sports coach) that they were not good at something specific, or were generally “not good enough.” Those stories feel real, even when there is evidence that they are false.

While it can take some time, these are all limitations we can learn to overcome when we have support and good tools.

Self-awareness provides insight

In my next Big Ideas email we’ll dive into gentle, revelatory ways to connect to your truth and your deep desires — even in the midst of a busy life.

Until then, I invite you to think about reasons that contribute to your moments of self-doubt.

If you feel less confident than in the past, are you clear about the reason?

Can you take an objective look back? Can you try and reframe your perspective when you find your confidence MIA?

If you recall being told something that lodged a limiting belief in your mind, can you look at it through a different lens now? 

Whether a hurtful message was imparted when you were small, when you were starting your professional career, or was experienced recently, it is helpful to notice when it shows up, pause to reconsider it, and reflect on it clearly through your eyes today. 

Can you think of times that disprove the limiting belief or lack of confidence?

Each time I have asked a client, she can think of multiple times in the past when she was able to do a thing she doubted in the moment. 

You, too, can think about times in your past when you were able do something you currently doubt. When you take note of that evidence, you can bring new energy to what is in front of you!

Can you feel a difference now?

Every time you tune in, get clear, and are able to take a small new step to show up in a bigger way, you grow. And over time, with ongoing focus and commitment, your growth accelerates.

Give yourself a “Yay me!” each time you gain new awareness, and each time you are able to show up in a bigger way (even it you start with small changes).

If you want support to get to the root of your doubt and turn it around, email me and let’s talk. I have a several program options to support you.