How to loosen the grip of painful feelings
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It’s easy to get derailed by interactions and events that feel upsetting.
Whether it is in a moment when someone cuts you off in traffic, or when you interact with a person you know well who says or does something hurtful (often repeating a pattern of behaviour that has hurt before) it is easy to feel angry, bitter, shaken, wounded.
And while those feelings are valid and not to be brushed aside, there are ways to process the emotions to move forward feeling lighter and better, that you may not have considered.
Today I will share some first steps you can take when you are faced with upsetting emotions.
And next week, I will provide additional guidance to help you move forward once the grip of the emotion is released.
Feel your feelings — and then release them
It is important to acknowledge and feel what you feel. It is also important to learn how to transform the challenging emotion at hand, so you can move forward free of it.
It can be tempting to brush painful feelings aside, assuming they will simply dissipate. But that’s actually an illusion. Troubled emotions that we do not honor and work through inevitably show up in ways that have a negative impact.
Or, you may tightly hold on to tough emotions.
Perhaps the pain and anger you feel in a relationship with someone, or another ongoing situation, are so ingrained that those emotions pop up automatically at the smallest provocation.
Emotions like these need to be released so you can begin to disrupt the pattern.
Try using some or many of these tips and see what happens.
Ways to process and release painful feelings
To feel the feelings, and fully express them to wring them out, you might:
Sit and free-write in a journal.
Go for a long walk in nature, or go for a run, if that's how you like to move energy.
Scream into a pillow, like a friend of mine recommends.
Stand in the shower and scream or cry out the emotions you feel.
Slam a stuffed doll at a table — over and over and over.
Crank up loud music and dance the emotions out.
Make a series of hideously ugly drawings to wring out all the painful emotions. (This is one of my favorite techniques!)
It is important to let yourself go all the way into the emotions and use the way or ways that work best for you to let as much of it go as possible.
The process takes practice to master
You may find yourself needing to do multiple rounds, or trying multiple approaches, until you feel you have worked through and emptied as much of the unpleasant emotion as possible.
Situations that ignite difficult emotions can come at us unexpectedly. When they do pop up, be patient with yourself. Building awareness and carving out space to address those powerful emotions will help you feel better and think more clearly.
Next week, I will share approaches you can take that will build on this foundation of releasing the emotional charge.
Until then, have a great week.
(And if you’re ready to live your biggest, best life, you can book a quick call with me to talk about what that can look like.)
