You are worthy of self-love

If you have been a reader of my Big Ideas for a while, or have heard me speak about Living Big, the concept of Self-Love will likely sound familiar.

Maybe you bring awareness of Self-Love into your days, and have made space for practices to build Self-Love.

If so, that’s great! I deeply believe that Self-Love is a foundation for living your biggest, best life.

And, there is more to this topic than you may be aware.

Why Self-Love matters

When you love yourself — which is not selfish! — you take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You honor yourself. You set and hold standards that are aligned with your values. You have more compassion for yourself. 

When the voices of your Self-Critic intrude (as they do, for all of us), you are less likely to be limited by a sense of being an imposter, or being inclined to be perfectionistic, or procrastinating, or feeling inadequate when comparing yourself to others, or being immobilized by fear. When any of these self-critical voices show up, having a base of strong Self-Love provides you with a counter-narative that can quiet those voices.

(Those voices will never go away completely, but you will be amazed at how much easier it will be to manage your Self-Critic.)

The more Self-Love you cultivate, allowing you to quiet the Self-Critic, the less stress you will experience and the more confident you’ll feel.

The best part? You will experience more happiness!

What Self-Love actually means

I often teach about these important dimensions of Self-Love:

• Self-Love means feeling deserving and worthy — of goodness in every aspect of your life.

• Self-Love means believing in yourself, owning your unique and amazing gifts.

• Self-Love means taking exquisite care of yourself. Think about how well you nourish yourself, if you are getting ample rest, how you nurture your body in ways you enjoy, and more.

• Self-Love means devoting time to you — to be quiet, to do things you love, to honor and nurture your spirit. 

And, to consistently do these things takes focus.

How to practice Self-Love — including a great new idea!

I often share ways to actively cultivate Self-Love. Here are some basic approaches:

• A seemingly simple practice is to smile at yourself in the mirror each morning and evening. It may feel awkward, but stay with it. Gently and tenderly gazing at yourself with love makes a wonderful difference.

• Create a ritual for self-reflection. You might choose journal-writing, spending time in nature to reflect, expressing yourself creatively, or another way that makes you happy.

• Schedule time to do things you love, for the pure pleasure of it!

• Set aside ample time for wonderful self-care.

• Make dates to be with people you truly enjoy.

The new suggestion I have is one I slowly came to realize is an excellent way to nurture Self-Love:

Ask for help!

This concept may not sound obvious. (It did not for me until recently.) 

Learning to ask for help has been part of my personal journey to Living Big. Only recently did I “connect the dots” and realize that every time I ask for help I am honoring and loving myself.

How is asking for help self-loving?

Each time I get help I create space for more of what I love to do or experience, or for doing things that are in my “zone of genus.” 

I reduce stress.

Things get done faster than if I handle them myself.

Some things get done much better than I am able to do them.

I get inspiration and leverage the genius of others, so that the quality and outcomes of my efforts are enhanced.

I also experience the pleasure that others get when they help me. (Because so many people love to help others!)

To the last point, there are countless people who want to help you — friends, family members, colleagues, and people you hire. 

We are not meant to do everything ourselves. Embracing this truth and reaching out for help is a wonderful way to honor and love yourself.

I have tested it for you and can attest to it!

Please share your Self-Love stories

I would be delighted to hear about how you practice Self-Love and the outcomes you are noticing. Email me, and if you have questions or struggle with this practice, tell me about that, too.

The surprising way to be happier + boost creativity

Do you like getting messy?

Maybe it feels fun for you to make a mess in the kitchen, or in the garden, or with paints or clay.

Or, like me in years past, maybe the idea of things being messy makes you cringe.

The colors in my box of pencils needed to be neatly arranged according to the rainbow. A counter covered in spilled flour as I mixed up a batter drove me crazy. Precision and order made me super-happy.

How I learned to tolerate (and appreciate) a mess

I will never forget the day my coach and I were beginning a creative exercise and he dumped out the contents of my pristine box of 48 perfect new pastels.

Many of them broke. Dust was all over the place. The pastels were in a heap and I was furious.

He laughed.

I moved ahead with the process with gritted teeth. I hated that I could not choose each color from the box and return each to its precise place every time I used a color. 

And what happened next was wonderful.

With the irreparable heap in front of me, I slowly let myself connect to the music and simply play with colors — choosing a bright green on the fly, tossing it back on the pile, and picking up a rich blue that caught my eye. On I went, not pausing to put anything back in place. I focused on the combination of colors and shapes I was throwing together on the page.

It was not long before I totally forgot how irritated I’d felt. I was absorbed in a great process and felt free.

Having been forced to give up the control I was accustomed to, I got to feel what happened when I allowed myself to relax.

And I realized that in that new relaxed state, that many things had happened that would not have been the same had I been focused on keeping everything neat.

I was happy to start bringing that freedom into other parts of my life.

Why making a mess is good

While many of us feel it’s fine for kids to get messy, we fail to consider why it is healthy for us as adults to make a mess, too.

Engaging in messy play sparks our senses — no matter our age. 

Messy play opens avenues of curiosity, and creativity of every kind flows from there.

Allowing ourselves to be free opens our hearts and brightens our spirits. 

Spontaneity and surprise, and the “accidents” that show up in the process, bring things to light that would have never likely occurred otherwise. 

Rather than focusing on having to know it all or sticking to a plan, or keeping things neat and tidy, when you allow for some messiness — in both play and the ways you approach everything in your day — truly amazing things can happen. 

You are likely to spawn big new insights that can become the launch-point for exciting projects and initiatives.

And best of all, you will ignite your spirit.

How might you explore messiness?

If you have been holding on tightly, trying to keep everything under control and “just right”, maybe introducing a little messiness will enable you to loosen your grip a bit.

You might start with play, experience how that feels, and then introduce bits of serendipity into other part of your life. Meaningful surprises are likely to follow.

If you are looking for ideas, or want to share your experiences (positive or not) with messiness, I’d be happy to connect. Email me and let’s connect.

Let’s figure out what you really want

Here’s a question that may sound simple: Do you know what you want?

It’s an important question, but many women consider it in a superficial way.

Knowing what you truly want matters

In the midst of a busy life, it’s rare to take time to ask yourself what you deeply desire.

In the moment, you may want space to think, or to feel calm. You may want something yummy to eat, or feel the desire to connect to someone you miss.

Those desires are meaningful and always worth honoring.

It’s the the desires in your heart that lie deeper — those about which you have awareness and those that may be buried and need to be mined for — that many of us rarely explore.

Those deep desires are the key to creating a future that will be truly fulfilling.

You can learn to explore your deep desires

My life was on autopilot for decades. I had no idea there was another way to live. I took each day as it came, put out fires that flared, made the best decisions I could, and kept going.

It was not until I started working with a brilliant coach that I began making shifts — small at first — that opened up a world of new insight and new ways of being.

I learned to slow down, to tap my heart and listen to my intuition. I was asked great questions I hadn’t ever considered. Answering those questions lead to tremendous new awareness.

Everything I have learned, including my formal training, informs the work I now do with other accomplished women who are at a crossroads, in a transition, or are figuring out what's next.

And it’s a joy to share my approaches with great women.

Here are 3 ways to start finding your answers

1. You can begin slowly and take steady action

If you like to start with small steps, I invite you to order a copy of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. It’s full of wonderful small practices you can use each day to bring meaningful shifts into your life. (And the book is so lovely that you will want to pick it up often!)

2. Say “Yes” to a workshop experience

I developed a my Dream Big Vision-Board Workshop to help women go deep into their hearts and find their desires and truth — and capture it all visually, so they can stay committed to what they want in their lives.

I led the workshop this past weekend (see the photo below of the amazing boards that were made!) and I am exploring a date to offer the workshop again.

Sign up for my emails to get announcements, and reach out if you want to plan a special workshop for your team or group.

3. Explore what a breakthrough can look like for you

Check out my signature program Live Big Live! The spring retreat is launching soon, so this opportunity may be perfectly timed for you. (And, there are other coaching options, too.)

You can read what many remarkable women have said about their coaching experiences and outcomes, and see what resonates for you.

Self-awareness makes everything possible

All of the suggestions I included above are paths to personal insight that will set the stage for you to gain clarity and experience significant personal growth.

I would love to hear about the future you yearn to create.

And I would be delighted to provide you with new perspectives and insight, to help you gain some self-awareness right away.

Email me, or book a call here.

I look forward to our conversation!

Here are the beautiful, exciting vision boards each woman made at the workshop on Saturday. Each board shines with the clarity that was revealed in our time together!

How to play your way to a more fulfilling life

You, like most women I talk to and work with, may be focused on all you want to accomplish, and sometimes struggle to slow down and make space for yourself.

Paradoxically, you may also feel sluggish or stuck from time to time.

Some women express it as being in a funk, or feeling drained. 

They want to feel energized and upbeat, but that energy sometimes feels out of reach.

Play is a great way to ignite your spirit

When you feel low and cannot think of ways to shift into a positive, energized frame of mind, choosing to play works wonders!

And, playing sometimes sounds a bit odd to serious professionals.

I invite to you consider play with deeper insight.

Play is more beneficial than you may know

As adults, playing can sometimes feel complicated, and unimportant.

Consider that studies show that play releases endorphins (hormones in the brain and nervous system that make us feel happy). Play also helps our brains function better, reduces stress, and stimulates creativity. It even boosts physical health.

Try some (or many) of these fun ideas

Do you love collecting?

Whether you love to roam through antique markets, take walks on the beach in search of shells or driftwood, or search online for special items, set aside time, dive in, and enjoy!

Maybe games appeal to you.

Board games, competitive sports, or other types of games, excite lots of people. Rather than being a spectator, dive in! And playing these games with other people can add to the pleasure you’ll experience.

Maybe you like more solitary fun.

Choose a great jigsaw puzzle, word puzzles, or number puzzles and settle in to enjoy them.

Does exploring excite you?

You can get lost on purpose on a return trip from a meeting or errands and see what you discover. Or go to a place nearby that has intrigued you and explore in those surroundings.

You can create in so many ways!

Play with color and materials! Whether you enjoy drawing; using bright colored paints, pencils or markers; molding clay or throwing vessels on a potter’s wheel; sewing and other handwork; or building things, doing something creative and expressive is a great way to bring the spirit of play into your day!

There are endless possibilities for play. Maybe you have favorites I did not mention that you want to do more of, or are curious to try. 

Consider recruiting kids, friends, extended family, or coworkers to join the fun. The shared energy, laughter and mutual support will bring even more delight to your spirit!

What do you want more of?

Play fuels your life with positive energy, opening the way for you to connect to what really matters most for you, so you can pursue those things — even in the midst of a busy life.

It’s a game-changer to live your life with clarity about what you desire. 

And it’s a game-changer to live with a heart that is lit up.

This is how you create the life you want, day by day. It’s what I call living big!

My signature program, Live Big Live!, that was formed by my path to creating the life I desired, has helped great women like you to move past what has limited them so that they now live bigger, more confident and fulfilling lives. 

I would be happy to share the details about Live Big Live! (that will soon kick off for the spring) to see if it might take you to new heights.

Email me, or book a call here. I look forward to our conversation!

Every change offers an opportunity

I have just returned from my Paris adventure, including an exciting excursion to Amsterdam just last weekend, and am savoring countless special memories.

Living in another country meant making many adjustments over the weeks. (I wrote about adjustments, with tips for making easier ones, a few weeks ago.)

Now, being back home means adjusting to the new time zone, adjusting to a new rhythm of day-to-day life, and adjusting some perspectives, too.

Life is rarely static

My recent travel experiences, and the adjustments I made and am making now, are far from typical or routine.

Yet even without shifting locales, life calls on us to be flexible and make adjustments of all kinds.

I see it with my clients all the time.

Can you relate to this story?

In a coaching conversation yesterday, something came up with a client that was revealing on several levels.

An executive at a large institution, she has had to devote a tremendous amount of time and focus to a complex family matter for the last few months. The transaction is now complete, and she finds herself adjusting to the new “space” that has opened up in her life, now that calls, trips, decisions, and paperwork are no longer demanding her attention.

As we explored her reflection on having navigated all that transpired, and talked about the unsettled feelings she is having as she readjusts, a number of interesting insights showed up.

She was able to identify patterns of thinking, as well as perceptions she has of herself and others, that put a spotlight on changes she now realizes are possible for her.

By taking a close look at ways she tends to make decisions, ways she resists asking for help, situations when she perceives things as stressful that could be seen differently, and ways she tends to show up in a quieter way than she longs to, it was clear that the period of adjustment she is entering offers her opportunities to bring awareness and change into her life and work.

We all have the opportunity to learn and grow

I love working with women who want to take a close look at how they are operating in their lives, and take action to bring positive change and show up fully in their lives. Because life offers us all the opportunity to adjust in meaningful ways all the time.

Rather than drifting, the women I coach become creators of a life that allows them, step after deliberate step, to feel more fully alive.

They become more visible and comfortable to show up authentically. They shed old beliefs that have limited them. They find balance in an always-evolving life, where they take on challenges and leverage opportunities.

They shine — and as they do they feel joy.

Stepping into living big in these ways is something that takes time, and can sometimes be challenging. It’s being in the process and having tools and support, that makes the effort easier and the pace faster.

Is your bigger life calling you?

When you are ready to bring change into your life, to show up fully and with less struggle, so that you can make the next part of your life truly fulfilling, here’s how I can help:

Explore Live Big Live!
This is my signature program, that most women choose. Live Big Live! includes private sessions with me, group support with a small cohort of amazing women, and a 3-day retreat experience that ushers in powerful breakthroughs.

Explore private coaching
A number of private coaching options are offered, and custom options can be designed, too. 

Explore Live Big for Life
Live Big for Life is a longer-term program that women often choose after their Live Big Live! experience. (Scroll down the web page to read the description.)

And, some women step directly into the powerful Live Big for Life program, to have a year (and more) of coaching support that is life-changing.

Inside of Live Big for Life, you attend all three Live Big Live! retreats each year, have ongoing private coaching support, and benefit from group coaching in a mastermind. The outcomes of this program have been truly remarkable

Your biggest life can start with a conversation.

This is your opportunity to share your big desires, as well as what is in your way now. I promise to provide fresh insights and perspectives. And, if we both think the fit is good, we can talk about a way for you to get support to live your biggest life. (No pressure ever!)

There's no cost for us to talk, but I only offer two calls a week. If you want to grab one of those spots, use this link to my calendar: LiveBigCall.com.

PS  As I make my adjustments to returning from Europe, I am continuing to share photos I took while I was away.  If you missed seeing photos I took on my adventures in Paris and Amsterdam, and want to see some new ones too, check out my instagram feed. 

The magic I watched unfold

Have you witnessed magic lately?

I am delighted to say that I have.

Not only has it been magical to be in Paris for nearly 3 weeks, a few days ago I reveled in the joy of witnessing real magic unfold.

This is what I was privileged to see.

A group of remarkable women spent three days with me (virtually) at the winter Live Big Live! retreat, shaping their personal visions. Each faced the doubts and fears that cropped up for her, and each made concrete plans for how she will make her vision real.

The truly exciting thing was seeing how each woman found profound and deep insight about herself as we moved through the retreat.

Their discoveries not only helped them shape their visions clearly, they helped them commit to creating the futures they dream of.

Why the women came to Live Big Live!

Some of the women are launching new businesses, reshaping existing businesses, or envisioning new possibilities for their work. 

Some have recently embarked on a new professional journey. Some are focused on how they will simultaneously pursue two significant interests with ease.

All got clear about what they will do to propel their endeavors forward.

And excitingly, each is now aiming higher than she ever dared before, and each is excited to have a new level of impact.

This ambition is grounded in a solid foundation of belief in all that is possible.

And as each woman mapped out how she will actually make her vision real in the coming months, she was guided to focus on and value more than just her work.

Each is also considering the ways her relationships, her care for her physical health and well-being, attending to an environment that will support her, nurturing her spirit, and considering her legacy will help her enjoy the best quality of life.

The creation I saw unfold

All of the magic I witnessed at the retreat was fueled in significant ways as the women had a big creative experience each day.

(It’s likely, as a reader of my Big Ideas, that you are aware of how strongly I believe in the creative power we all possess, and that I advocate for both expressive creativity — think singing, drawing, writing and lots more — and appreciating and adopting the mindset of a creator.

With the mindset of a creator, you are able to create all day, every day. As you make each decision, and as you consider your response to each new possibility, challenge and opportunity, you stop reacting and are able to generate new ideas for what is possible.)

On each day of Live Big Live! I introduced a specific creative experience to support the focus of our day.

These experiences facilitated deep access to emotion, resulting in new insights and perspectives for all.

And the visual power of everything they expressed was remarkable!

Check out the images below to see some of what emerged.

What are you ready to create now?

If you are thinking about the truly fulfilling life you yearn to live — whether you have had a setback, are at a crossroads, yearn for something to change, or have a burning desire or dream you want to make real — let’s talk about it.

I believe in the power of a great conversation. I can share more about the ways Creative Core Coaching leverages the power of creation, and we can explore whether the next Live Big Live! (or other support) may be a good fit for you.

Whatever the outcome, I will be happy for us to connect. 

I invite you to email me, or find a date on my calendar.

Here are two wonderful collages (each with the front of the collage on the left and the back of the collage next to it), that were created at the Live Big Live retreat last week.

How to connect to your magic and light up your life

Something interesting happens when I mention the title of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life in a conversation with someone I have just met.

More often than not, people look me in the eye and say, “Oh, I'm not creative.”

I am on a mission to dispel that common belief.

I want to help people understand, and experience, that they are filled with creativity. I also want them to know how powerful their creativity is.

We all came into the world filled with creativity

Yes, creativity is in all of us. It’s a kind of magic we all possess.

When we are small, and given some crayons and paper, we do not fret at a blank page. We do not worry about what to draw. We pick up a color that appeals to us and start making marks.

When I observe my 3-year-old granddaughter as she draws, and ask what she’s drawing, she tells me incredible stories about the scenes (that look to me like excited scribbles).

Whether she is serious and focused, or laughing, she is fully engaged in expressing herself. And it is clear that she loves it.

When we, as adults, tap that creative energy — or expand and accelerate it, for those who do feel creative — we give ourselves a huge gift. We connect to the magic inside.

Creating is not just for “special people”

The opportunities to create are vast.

While many feel intimidated because they think they are not “talented”, I’m here to bust that myth. You do not need to be a virtuoso musician, a great actor, a brilliant writer, or a gifted dancer to create!

All forms of self-expression are terrific.

Do you love to putter in a garden or build in a workshop? Do you like to cook or make things with your hands? Are you a visionary thinker, or love embarking on adventures to explore in nature? Do you like to play with paint or clay?

Any and all of these ways of creating are fantastic.

What happens when you create

When you create in any way with a feeling of curiosity and freedom, when you are able to to play and be surprised, you connect to your desire and something incredible happens.

Your spirit opens.

You get out of your head (where most of us spend most of our time) and connect to your heart and your intuition.

And you make discoveries.

The discovery may be about new ways to produce a result that pleases you. Or you may discover that something you thought you’d enjoy was not that great, and move on to new ways to explore.

The most important discovery?

Connecting to new parts of yourself and experiencing more of who you are.

And when that happens, your expanded, lit-up spirit can show up in other parts of your life.

I witness this phenomenon all the time with my clients. They show up differently at work, and great things happen. They navigate relationships with more insight and less reactivity. They look and feel alive in remarkable ways!

I rejoice with them as they open to and share more and more of their greatness.

You can start today

I invite you to do one thing (or one new thing) today to express yourself.

It may be simple and you may do it for a mere few minutes, but choose one thing and go for it.

Maybe you will share it, or you may choose to have a private experience. Maybe it will be exciting, or comfortable, or perhaps it will feel awkward.

In any case, take a moment to think about how it felt to create.

Consider how it felt to experiment with new flavors rather than following a recipe. Or put a small arrangement of objects on a shelf in a pleasing way. Or pull out an instrument you haven’t played in ages, and your response to the sounds you made.

Then commit to creating in some way again tomorrow.

In time, you will not have to plan to create. You will find your creative spirit showing up all over the place!

The more that you create in these ways, the more you will come to understand the power of creativity to support you to show up fully. In time, this expansive magical feeling can be a regular part of your daily experience.

And it is a game-changer to show up fully in the world.

Do it for yourself, and do it for all of us. We need the gifts, the fully expressed genius, that only you can contribute.

Imagine the impact we will have when we all live big.

(I would be delighted for you to share the ways you love to create, and new ways you bring creativity into your life. And please share the impact it has for you. Leave a comment or email me.)

A meaningful moment to focus on love

If you have read my book, you’ll recall that I devoted a chapter to Love, and propose that loving more is an important way to Live Big.

I believe that love is enormously powerful — love for others, as well as cultivating a practice of self-love.

And, it’s not always easy to lead with love, or to feel that much love in our day-to-day lives.

But this past weekend I was surrounded by profound love. It felt like swimming in love, and it was glorious.

What happens when we have a full immersion experience

I attended an intimate wedding. My cousin was remarrying after being widowed for five years. Not only has she found a fabulous life partner, the event brought multiple families together and we all shared in the magic.

Her family, his family, and the family of her deceased first husband — including four generations — all came together (along with dear friends) to celebrate.

The joy, delight and sweetness of the experience was magical. And the afterglow has been marvelous. Every experience since (including major snafus with our air travel home) has felt lighter and easier as the loving energy continues to be strong.

I am inspired to create more opportunities for abundant love to fill my heart and the hearts of others.

What happens when we choose a year of love

Sunday night at sundown was the start of the Jewish holiday, Rosh Hashanah, when we mark the start of the Jewish New Year.

(If you are unfamiliar with the two high holidays, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, my friend and colleague Victoria Nessen recently shared an excellent article you may want to read.)

Following the 24-hour observance of Rosh Hashanah we spend 10 days reflecting on the past year and thinking about where we may have missed the mark. On Yom Kippur (that begins at sundown on October 4 this year) we fast, repent, and vow to live a more righteous life in the year ahead.

The opportunity to live a life that is fueled by love is an ideal I am striving for.

I was inspired by the words of Rabbi Yael, in her A Way In Jewish Mindfulness email last week, and am glad to share her wisdom with you:

You stand here with all those you love,
And with all those with whom you deeply disagree.

You stand here today with earth and all beings,
To cross over into a renewed relationship
With the Unfolding Mystery of All Life. (Deut. 29:9-14)

How do we cross? How do we enter the New Year?

The Infinite Life Force, commands:
Go with Love.
Love with all your heart and with all your soul,
And walk in the ways of love. (Deut. 30:16)

The soul trembles,
It churns. It cries: Love in the face of all this?

This is not too great a task for you,
The Infinite responds,
It is in your mouth and heart to do. (Deut 30:14)

Choose love.
Love where you can. Love where you are able.
Love those you love with all your heart, soul and strength.
Love the trees, sky, rivers and rocks.
Let this loving make you strong.

There will be times and places where it will be impossible to love.
Let that be.
There is plenty of opportunity to exercise and expand our capacity to love.

As we lift our eyes to a New Year,
The Torah calls: Choose to act from and for love.
For the sake of your children’s, children’s, children,
For the sake of all beings,
For the sake of all life,
Choose to act from and for love. (Deut 30:19-20)

I am deeply moved by this teaching. I believe we can all choose to act from love, and for love. And the more we are able to do so, the better our lives will be.

Will you join me in loving more?

Whether or not you celebrate the Jewish New Year, we all step into new possibilities each day.

We can always endeavor to live our best lives with keen awareness. We can be mindful and choose love.

It is certainly a practice that requires commitment. The more we practice living with love as a driver, the sooner it will become our natural way of being.

Will it be easy? Will any of us be perfect, always loving? Of course not. But as we continue to choose and act from love, the impact is bound to be big, for us and for the world.

Just as the gathering at my cousin’s wedding filled each of us with immense joy, I wish you a sweet year ahead and a heart filled to the brim with love and happiness.

Have you tapped the treasures in your heart?

Now that the weather is mild and most of us are emerging from isolation, we are also becoming more aware of the impacts the last two years have had. All of us have experienced them to one degree or another, and in many different ways.

And, after the week of devastating news about another horrific, senseless shooting, coupled with concerns about wars, disease, and more that are ongoing, it is easy to feel stressed, despondent and even anxious.

Life can hold joys and wonders for us, even as we feel pain, sadness, and experience stress. The balance is always shifting, ebbing and flowing.

The best resource is your heart

When you connect to your heart and explore what is there, you will find treasures.

Sit in stillness and assess two things:
what you are feeling, and what you desire.

If your heart aches, it may sound counterintuitive to characterize that as a treasure. But whenever we connect to our emotions and our desires — both of which we find when we make a heart connection — we are enriched.

Being aware of and honoring our emotions enables us to be fully aware, rather than hiding from or ignoring our feelings.

Knowing what we truly want gives us a valuable compass.

Connect to the feelings you find

When assessing what you feel, you may find one clear emotion rings out, or a cocktail of several kinds of feelings in a jumble. In either case, honor what you feel.

Sadness, anger, pain or stress need to be acknowledged so you can find support and apply techniques to soften them, rather than experiencing prolonged discomfort.

Joy, love, excitement and pleasure can be celebrated, and thus can expand rather than being taken for granted or pushed aside in the midst if a busy life.

Focus on your desires

It is notable to me how many people with whom I work are not able to easily identify what they want.

They may struggle to know what they want in the moment, and feel flummoxed by the question if they are asked about what they want in terms of the direction for their life or future.

The answers lie in your heart, and can be found when you jog them loose.

One way to get clear is to do a powerful exercise with a partner that I teach in my book Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. If you have the book, you will find it on page 79.

And there is a short list of questions you can ask yourself each morning for a few days, on page 125. Use a journal to note what shows up.

Here are the questions:

• What do I want?

• What will bring me happiness, or enhance the happiness I feel in this moment?

• What does my heart yearn for now?

• What is my gut trying to tell me?

• How can I make today amazing?

These questions will open up your truths. You may even be surprised at what shows up when you answer without editing or judging the realizations.

What to do next

How to process deep difficult emotions will vary.

Often your awareness, plus journalling about the feelings, creating in any way you wish with the emotion you feel as your energetic “fuel”, or reaching out for support (from a friend or counselor) will be what you need to lighten or transform those emotions. If you continue to struggle, a consultation with your primary care physician can be a good first step to find a therapist or other help.

And when you become clear about the desires you have you can take steps toward what you want.

In the near-term, honor your desires. If you crave fresh air, make time to get outdoors. If you miss time with a particular person or group of friends, make a plan to get together. If a particular food appeals to you, enjoy it. Get accustomed to knowing what you want and feeling deserving of the things you desire.

And when you are clear about important things for you that are longer-term — perhaps related to a change in the work you do, the place you live, or a relationship, start laying the groundwork to create that reality in your life.

We have the power to be creators of the lives we want

When you are clear about what that is, and able to process and shift difficult emotions that limit you, you can take one small step followed by the next small step in the direction of your vision. Those baby steps add up and you will see that the momentum builds!

Here is a question for you:

How will you begin today?

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.