The surprising key to growth and self-love

Saturday was Yom Kipur, a high holy day on the Jewish calendar that is a day of repentance for ways we each missed the mark in the year past.  

And who of us has not missed the mark? 

I spent the day in deep contemplation, supported by magnificent music and moved by prayers that ranged from sobering to uplifting. 

The entire congregation committed to living with awareness and prayed to be written into the book of life for the year ahead.

And at our synagogue we take a break between the morning and afternoon services. There is a panel discussion where four congregants speak on a topic. Past topics have included social justice, personal journeys, family histories, and more. 

This year’s panel topic was failure.

Each speaker shared an experience of failure and what happened afterwards, or what they learned. 

We all experience failure

Had I been asked to speak publicly about failure in my life, I would have thought long and hard about which failure to share. There have been countless times I felt like a failure, and many times when I failed in ways that others could clearly see. 

It is unsettling and uncomfortable to think about failure.

And yet, we have all experienced it, and in looking back we can consider how we moved on and what we learned. We can also think about how we might face inevitable failures in the future.

This resource can lessen the sting of failure

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for a while, you are aware that I teach that practicing self-love provides a foundation for living your best life.

While self-love is a big topic (you can find several past blog posts on the subject here), let’s talk about how self-love supports you when you fail — whether that is failing to meet your own expectations or failing at a task, in a job, in a relationship, or any other way.

When you build a solid foundation of love for yourself, you acknowledge and believe in all of your gifts. You are able to be less harsh with yourself.

If you do your best and fall short you can be more self-forgiving.

And if you have a more painful or serious failure, a strong foundation of self-love enables you to acknowledge the lapse, do what you can to make amends, and commit to ways you will make changes and move forward.

How will you move on from failure?

Because we are all imperfect, we will all fall short from time to time.

We will all fail.

If you can see each failure as an opportunity to learn something new — about yourself, or a new way to approach a problem, or that there are new possibilities you had not considered, or that there are new skills you can learn, or that there is help you can tap in the future — you will see that failure can take you to new and better places.

Failures can lead you to a brighter future.

It all depends on how you choose to think about and respond to them.

My failures, as painful as many have been, became valuable resources for me when I learned to mine them for insight rather than sit with pain and remorse. 

I wish you a year of health, joy, and growth, supported by abundant self-love.

Creating Lasting Change with Simple Daily Habits

We all know how much focus athletes and musicians place on practicing. This is how even enormously accomplished athletes and musicians hone and fine-tune their skills to perform at their best.

Have you thought about what you practice on a regular basis?

In addition to thinking about practicing a skill such as being a better negotiator, or communicating more effectively, or developing your writing abilities, there are subtle ways that a focus on practice can improve your life.

Embrace practices that will help you thrive

The way you think and orient yourself each day has a remarkable impact on your life. Consider choosing to adopt some of these 4 practices.

1. Practice positivity

You can develop a "practice" of approaching everything in your day with a positive frame of mind. Choose to bring awareness to your thoughts, then consciously choose a positive lens through which to see and approach things throughout each day.

This is not to suggest that you push tough emotions aside when they show up!

Let yourself feel them, then do something to process them (such as writing about the feelings, talking things out with a close confidant, or taking a brisk walk). This will allow the difficult emotions space to dissipate.

Then choose positive thoughts and take positive steps forward.

2. Practice self-love

When you make self-love a focus, and include self-care as a way of emphasizing self-love, you build a remarkable foundation for wellbeing. Focusing your practice on small, consistent practices will be wonderfully effective. 

Your practice can include attending to physical wellbeing, like getting ample sleep, good nutrition and moving your body.

Your practice can be boosted when you include self-affirming thinking, choosing to set good boundaries, noticing when your self-critical thoughts show up, and choosing to believe in yourself in spite of the doubts.

And be sure to acknowledge yourself whenever you do something that is just outside of your comfort zone!

These are all self-loving, supportive, positive ways to move through each day.

3. Practice generosity

When you focus on generosity you get the satisfaction of contributing to the wellbeing of others, as well as the betterment of the world! 

And the benefits to you are significant. A regular practice of generosity reduces stress and anxiety, boosts to your immune system, and may even lead to longer life expectancy. 

4. Practice gratitude

Making a focus on gratitude a daily practice elevates your state of mind and enhances the outcomes of everything you do.

You might begin or end each day by noting 5 things (or more) for which you are grateful. Be sure to consider small, subtle things you can put on your list.

This will open your heart, and positive thoughts will be a natural outcome of your gratitude practice.

And there’s a bonus! Your expansive energy will be felt by everyone around you.

Practice with intention!

Deciding to start a practice is great. It’s when you bring clear intention to how and when you will practice that there is a higher likelihood that you will make this practice an ongoing, natural way of living.

You might start each day by setting an intention for great energy and a positive, can-do outlook. One part of my morning ritual is writing for 5 to 10 minutes about the energy I want to cultivate for my day, noting what I feel grateful for, and letting anything else that wants to come to the surface and be considered flow onto the page. I am then ready to get into motion. 

After establishing an orientation for the day (in whatever way works for you), you can bring a focus to the practice or practices you feel will be most supportive for you that day.

As you make a few new practices a regular part of your life, they will become automatic (like brushing your teeth twice a day without having to think about it). You can then easily add a new practice to make your focus.

As you practice, you are in the process of creating your best life — and there are no limits to what is possible for you!

Transform your world with love

This week love is celebrated around the world. (Shop windows in Paris were full of hearts in pink and red when I was there last week.) How special and sweet!

I invite you to pause and consider the breadth of what love is and can be, and ways you can create and share it.

Because it’s magical that love can be created — in many meaningful ways!

How do you love?

Love has many dimensions, and some are commonly overlooked. Let’s dive in.

We typically focus on romantic love.

Love shared in relationships is what most people think about when February 14 rolls around. Dinners out, flowers, sweets are the expressions of love most of us share with special people in our lives.

Whether your life is filled with romance, or you long for romantic love, there is always an opportunity to bring the energy of this kind of love into your life.

Think about how you can create beauty in your environment. Light candles, treat yourself to flowers, listen to wonderful music, savor flavors of special foods, initiate meaningful conversations. visit special places that light up your heart.

Whether with a partner, family, friends or on your own, you can create love and joy in countless ways.

The importance of cultivating self-love cannot be overstated.

Cultivating deep self-love not only helps you to be happier each day, it provides a foundation that enables you to abundantly love others and to spread love wherever you go. 

And, yes, the concept is uncomfortable for many people. Women often tell me they feel selfish just thinking about the idea of self-love.

You can gently start to create a self-love practice. Take baby steps at first and keep going.

Begin by focusing on your talents and gifts. Fully acknowledge how special you are! Also think about how worthy you are of happiness, love, and goodness of every kind in your life. You may want to do some brief journaling about the particulars of your special talents, and your worthiness, when you start or end your day.

To help you to fully embrace and embody those ideas, smile lovingly at yourself in the mirror when you greet yourself at the start of your day, and before bed each evening.

Put your hands on your heart as you look into your eyes with love. Leave judgement behind. See and acknowledge the true, deep beauty in your reflection. 

And now it’s time to begin to focus on accepting and loving the parts of you that are not perfect — the parts that feel unworthy, or are critical of others, or are prone to anger or anxiety or bitterness, or are quick to judge.

When you can love and accept all of who you are, it will become easier to give yourself grace. You are likely to notice that you can gently release the intensity of those parts that you have struggled with.

As you make self-love a practice, you will also find it easier to feel love and spread love to others.

Be a generator of love in the world.

There are endless opportunities to create love that will not only enrich your heart, but enrich those around you.

Consider how you can orient your thinking and actions to love.

For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, they may be struggling with any number of stresses. I have found rather than cursing at such people, I wish them love — because they clearly seem to need it. (And I notice that doing that makes me feel better.)

Small loving acts, such as helping someone by holding the door for them, or acknowledging and thanking someone who provided an extra touch, or sending a note to someone you have not seen in a while to brighten their day, are examples of generating tidbits of love that are meaningful for both the recipient and you.

When you actively focus on ways to infuse love in the world, that loving energy spreads widely. The recipient of your love is likely to generate more love, a thus the ripple effects extend way beyond what you will likely ever know.

When more and more of us live as creators of love, our impact is incalculable.

This is how we can build the world with love.

Take time to reflect

In the midst of this busy season, most of us have a packed schedule.

And lots of people wait until the new year rolls around to look ahead, make a resolution or two, and hope for good things to happen.

I get it. Carving out time for reflection can seem hard, or may feel selfish — particularly when the calendar is filled.

I invite you to consider the gifts that can emerge when you devote even a small bit of quiet time to reflect.

Take a few minutes for yourself 

Set aside a few minutes today — maybe over lunch, or before bed would be a good time to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for yourself.

Pull out a journal, paper or a laptop, and have your calendar handy. Then choose one or more of these questions to explore.

1. Look back at your year and see what you can celebrate about yourself.

Here are some questions you might ask:

• Were there times when you were brave, or dared to be bold? 

• When did you have an impact that was meaningful?

• Did you accomplish something you would not have expected? 

• When did your generosity have meaning for someone?

2. Look for lessons learned.

We learn valuable lessons in many ways. One way you may not have considered is to think about challenges you took on, or challenges that showed up this past year, that contributed to your path of success. 

See what you can spot. Can you feel gratitude for outcomes that those challenges led to in your life?

3. Look for things you want to emphasize next year, or let go of.

Perhaps there was an experience that opened your heart in a new way, or a person you got to know well and enjoyed, or a place you spent time that was especially meaningful. 

Note things you want more of next year.

Think, too, about things you want less of, or things you are ready to release.

Perhaps there are things you said “Yes” to that you didn’t like doing, or that have run their course. Maybe there are habits of thinking you are ready to shift away from. Maybe you want a change in a relationship.

By reflecting and taking note, you can set intentions for next year.

You can consider ways to make the positive things a meaningful part of your life in 2024.

And you can intentionally clear space for more positivity when you set clear intentions to release what does not make you happy.

Do it again!

Why not set aside a few minutes every other day for the rest of this month for some quiet reflection? Start with the suggestions above, and add to ways of mining the past year as new perspectives come to mind.

As you look back and consider your year in 2023, you will be likely to notice many things that will help you move into 2024 with more clarity, awareness and intention.

And if you want to share, I would be delighted to hear about the insights you discover. Email me.

Be generous with yourself

I hope readers in the US enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday last week, and that the spirit of gratitude resonates for you in meaningful ways, wherever you live.

Now that the holiday season is “officially” underway, our inboxes are filled and the media is focused on ads and headlines about sales, and messages urging us to buy gifts.

I have always enjoyed choosing gifts for people I love. Finding something special for someone I care about, and presenting it beautifully, feels like a gift I give myself. Of course, when the gift delights the recipient, that doubles the joy.

In addition to giving gifts to others, have you thought about someone special who you often overlook?

What gifts are you giving to yourself?

Generosity is magical, yet we tend to focus exclusively on giving to others.

I invite you to think about what you can give yourself now.

Why?

Because you are amazing and you deserve so much! 

• You deserve time for yourself — time to rest, to be with special people, to indulge in small pleasures that lift your spirits.

• You deserve to be surrounded by beauty and things that bring you joy.

• You deserve love — to be with people who are loving, to receive love, and to treat yourself lovingly.

• You deserve support and help. It will lighten your load and make faster, easier changes possible for you.

• You deserve to be yourself — to feel free and to authentically express yourself.

• You deserve abundant happiness.

• You deserve to dream big.

How big a vision can you gift yourself now?

After you shower yourself with gifts of time, beauty, love, and help, and focus on how much you deserve, you will be in an ideal frame of mind (and heart) to start dreaming about the year ahead.

The gift of dreaming big, to live your best life, is one I hope you will make a focus.

Shaping a vision for yourself is the first step to creating what you deeply desire.

And it does not take more energy to dream a big dream than a small one, so why not let yourself imagine something amazing?

Then write about it.

And draw it — stick figures and simple sketches are meaningful and will help you make the vision tangible!

Share your vision with people near and dear, who want the best for you and will not judge you.

And savor your vision! Add details as you imagine yourself and your life at this time next year.

Take a small step in that new direction today

What action can you take today that will move you toward a desire in your heart? Even taking a small step that is just past the edge of your comfort zone will be meaningful.

The cumulative impact of taking many small steps (even tiny small steps!) can add up to bigger change than you might imagine.

And if you feel stuck, or want help shaping a bold vision, or know that support to take action will help you start creating meaningful change in your life, we can hop on a quick call and talk about what’s in the way for you. 

Email me and we’ll make a date. (No cost or obligation. I am happy to help you gain clarity, so you can begin creating the life you truly want.)

Listen with an open heart

When you cultivate self-awareness wonderful things can happen.

This takes time and focus, because it is easy to slide into automatic ways of looking at and thinking about things, and automatic ways of being.

Let’s explore one way to bring intentionality to your relationships, that goes beyond the typical way so many people interact when in conversations.

The two questions below can be considered in terms of exchanges in your personal relationships as well as in professional interactions.

How closely do you listen? 

Listening sounds easy — after all, we listen to people all day every day.

And, in many cases we miss a lot, because most of us listen superficially.

When we fail to slow our busy minds down and bring our focus to the person we are with, we miss the opportunity to listen deeply with an open heart.

If, instead, we listen actively, with intention and care and with a loving heart, the person with whom we are in conversation will feel that presence. They are likely to share more fully and honestly.

And whatever way they may share, we can hear so much more by listening deeply. We are able to pick up more than we typically would, tuning in to more nuances, and gaining more insight from the emotion we are able to feel.

We can sometimes even listen for and hear things that are not being articulated in words. We can tune into messages that come across in the tone of voice, in body language, and messages transmitted via the energy of the person who is sharing with us. We may even hear things that are hidden behind the words — fears or concerns or shame that are embedded in the actual statements.

When we listen deeply and hear so much, we can connect and engage with the other person in ways that go way beyond what we would otherwise be able to contribute had we been listening more superficially.

And this way of listening also validates the speaker. They know they are being heard.

Do you bring judgement to what you hear?

One perspective that is meaningful to try and hold, when you listen with focus and care, is to connect to the loving essence of that person.

It is all too common to let judgment slide into our thinking when we listen — judgements that may be subtle or harsh.

Noticing subtle judgements can be particularly challenging. And harsher judgements, if we are aware we are making them, often feel justifiable. 

If you are listening and realize you are judging, you might ask for a pause, so you can take a moment to release the judgement before inviting the person to continue speaking.

The ability to listen without judgement keeps our hearts open. This is a gift we can give the person to whom we are listening, and also a meaningful gift we can give ourselves.

Be patient with yourself

If you choose to bring the awareness of active, non-judgemental listening into your conversations, you may find it takes a bit of practice to do it with ease. I have found that the rewards of building this practice are wonderful, and invite you to join me in cultivating this awareness.

Each conversation you have is an opportunity for understanding and respect, whether you and the other party ultimately find agreement or not. 

Of course, when you do complete a conversation in agreement it feels great.

When that is not the outcome, knowing that you have had a deeply meaningful conversation free of judgement opens the door to acceptance. Ideally you will both be able to agree to disagree, or move ahead in tandem. And if that is not the case, you are likely to feel better because you were able to be open and loving.

Each time we lovingly listen we contribute loving energy into the world.

The more love we generate, the more healing and connection there will be in the world.

Finding your way through difficult times

There are times when we all feel a bit raw, tender, maybe emotional.

In my case, I am focused on time I spent with my father over the weekend. At age 97, there have been significant changes in his stamina and ability to converse each time I fly to Philadelphia to visit him. I was there mid-summer and 4 weeks ago. The shifts I saw this time were striking. My next visit will be in a week. I find myself thinking about him no matter what is going on.

There are many matters that can impact us like this.

News of external world events is making many people feel raw.

You may be facing challenges or thinking about any number of things that pull on your heart as you move through your days.

And, life goes on.

We show up — sometimes with less focus or consistency than we’d wish.

How to move ahead when your heart aches

Our hearts are amazing repositories — of love, of strength, of wisdom.

It is in quietly going into your heart that you can find solace, insights, and sometimes even answers.

Try using these 5 steps:

1. Quietly sit in silence and feel into your heart.

2. Focus on connecting to love. 

That love is powerful in myriad ways.

When you connect to love, when you trust its power, you can build trust in yourself to navigate through the challenges.

3. Trust that you have this.

Trust that loving actions you take and thoughts you think will be felt by people around you and can have a profound impact. Sometimes you will see evidence of the impact. Many times you will be unaware of how the vibrations of loving energy touch and influence others.

Trust that when love is felt by others, much is possible that is beyond what we can imagine right now.

Trust that you will have all that you need to move ahead. Trust yourself to reach out for help and support. Trust yourself to allow your intuition to guide you. Trust yourself to feel all of your feelings and know that you will be ok.

4. Release any grip you may feel — fear, tension, anxiety.

Come back to love and to trust. Ask for help to release your grip if that’s what you need. Be patient and take one step at a time in the direction that matters most.

5. Stay in the present moment and focus on love, again and again.

You may find that a walk in nature, or sitting with hands on your heart, or listening to music that elevates your emotions helps you to stay present and keep your focus on love. You may want to reach out to someone, or you may prefer to be alone.

Then think about the next thing to do, and thoughtfully make your best choice about the action you will take.

Remember to acknowledge and love yourself — for simply being you, and for your ability to Live Big no matter what is happening in your life.

You are worthy of self-love

If you have been a reader of my Big Ideas for a while, or have heard me speak about Living Big, the concept of Self-Love will likely sound familiar.

Maybe you bring awareness of Self-Love into your days, and have made space for practices to build Self-Love.

If so, that’s great! I deeply believe that Self-Love is a foundation for living your biggest, best life.

And, there is more to this topic than you may be aware.

Why Self-Love matters

When you love yourself — which is not selfish! — you take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You honor yourself. You set and hold standards that are aligned with your values. You have more compassion for yourself. 

When the voices of your Self-Critic intrude (as they do, for all of us), you are less likely to be limited by a sense of being an imposter, or being inclined to be perfectionistic, or procrastinating, or feeling inadequate when comparing yourself to others, or being immobilized by fear. When any of these self-critical voices show up, having a base of strong Self-Love provides you with a counter-narative that can quiet those voices.

(Those voices will never go away completely, but you will be amazed at how much easier it will be to manage your Self-Critic.)

The more Self-Love you cultivate, allowing you to quiet the Self-Critic, the less stress you will experience and the more confident you’ll feel.

The best part? You will experience more happiness!

What Self-Love actually means

I often teach about these important dimensions of Self-Love:

• Self-Love means feeling deserving and worthy — of goodness in every aspect of your life.

• Self-Love means believing in yourself, owning your unique and amazing gifts.

• Self-Love means taking exquisite care of yourself. Think about how well you nourish yourself, if you are getting ample rest, how you nurture your body in ways you enjoy, and more.

• Self-Love means devoting time to you — to be quiet, to do things you love, to honor and nurture your spirit. 

And, to consistently do these things takes focus.

How to practice Self-Love — including a great new idea!

I often share ways to actively cultivate Self-Love. Here are some basic approaches:

• A seemingly simple practice is to smile at yourself in the mirror each morning and evening. It may feel awkward, but stay with it. Gently and tenderly gazing at yourself with love makes a wonderful difference.

• Create a ritual for self-reflection. You might choose journal-writing, spending time in nature to reflect, expressing yourself creatively, or another way that makes you happy.

• Schedule time to do things you love, for the pure pleasure of it!

• Set aside ample time for wonderful self-care.

• Make dates to be with people you truly enjoy.

The new suggestion I have is one I slowly came to realize is an excellent way to nurture Self-Love:

Ask for help!

This concept may not sound obvious. (It did not for me until recently.) 

Learning to ask for help has been part of my personal journey to Living Big. Only recently did I “connect the dots” and realize that every time I ask for help I am honoring and loving myself.

How is asking for help self-loving?

Each time I get help I create space for more of what I love to do or experience, or for doing things that are in my “zone of genus.” 

I reduce stress.

Things get done faster than if I handle them myself.

Some things get done much better than I am able to do them.

I get inspiration and leverage the genius of others, so that the quality and outcomes of my efforts are enhanced.

I also experience the pleasure that others get when they help me. (Because so many people love to help others!)

To the last point, there are countless people who want to help you — friends, family members, colleagues, and people you hire. 

We are not meant to do everything ourselves. Embracing this truth and reaching out for help is a wonderful way to honor and love yourself.

I have tested it for you and can attest to it!

Please share your Self-Love stories

I would be delighted to hear about how you practice Self-Love and the outcomes you are noticing. Email me, and if you have questions or struggle with this practice, tell me about that, too.

Is it time to go deeper?

Here’s a question to consider:

When was the last time you stepped into something bigger and new, to explore something different or intriguing — even if you were a bit uncomfortable?

Late last year I decided to explore a new creative direction, not knowing if it would be great or a bust.

In late December I signed up to attend a weekend writing retreat. The focus was on writing "from the deep voice.” As much as I love writing my weekly Big Ideas, and had loved writing my book, this was a way of expressing myself that I’d never considered before. 

I was especially nervous because all of the other women at the retreat had been immersed in the work with this teacher for some time. 

Is it time to explore a deeper part of yourself?

As a coach who is passionate about the power of creativity and living a creative, BIG life (and a person who loves words), I listened to the whisper in my heart that was intrigued about what writing from the deep voice might be like.

I figured the upside was that I would have fun, and maybe even find a direction that would have meaningful resonance for me.

The worst thing that could happen would be I’d have spent 2 days doing something that did not excite me, and I might feel embarrassed that I was not “good at it.”

I said yes to the small whisper I heard — it was a “yes” to myself.

I said yes to trying something new in spite of my nervousness.

That weekend retreat opened up a path that has been exciting and enriching for me ever since.

In fact, a story I wrote was just published in an anthology, and I was part of a book-reading on Sunday at which 7 authors read their work, answered questions from the audience, and signed piles of books.

What is waiting for you if you say “Yes!”?

If you feel your heart asking for expansion, the timing is perfect.

You can get clear about the future you want to make your reality!

That may mean creating a life that feels exciting and supports your happiness and wellbeing.

It may mean courageously aiming to reach the next level in your career or business.

It may mean leaving a toxic work or personal situation with clarity and strength.

It may mean planning for the next phase of an evolving life — as you leave burnout behind, launch a new business, or step into a fulfilling retirement.

It may include building new levels of confidence to show up more fully and boldly, so you have your biggest impact.

It starts with one small, easy “Yes.”

This “Yes” does not call on bravery, and there’s no risk of embarrassment.

There’s also no cost, other than 30 minutes of your time for a call with me.

This call can open big possibility.

It’s an opportunity for us to have a meaningful conversation, and for you to gain insight and perspective about your life now, as well as your dreams.

And if you wish to hear about it, we can talk about Live Big Live! — the powerful, intimate, fun and life-changing retreat that is coming up this fall.

Email me, or schedule your call here.

(And if you want to learn about Writing from the Deep Voice, I would be happy to introduce you to my marvelous teacher, Leslie Berliant. Email me, and I’ll make an introduction. And you can check out the lovely anthology here.)

Are you ready to follow a new path?

Something big is starting soon.

It’s an opportunity for you to take a new step in your life.

Where are you now?

Perhaps you are at a crossroads.

Maybe new opportunities are available to you and you are unsure, or fearful, about how to proceed.

Maybe you know it’s time for a change in your life. Or you may feel stuck.

Maybe you know there's something bigger, something more that you yearn for — something that will make you feel lit up every day.

Maybe you are ready to leave stress behind and live a joyous life, one that sustains you financially and has space for your spirit to soar.

These questions may prompt you to think about your career, personal relationships, the day-to-day quality of your life, long-held dreams, or the next chapter you are ready to move into.

The change you yearn for is attainable!

As I personally experienced, and as I witness with great women like you all the time, there are key moments when we know a change is upon us.

Some of us hear a shout. Many of us hear a quiet whisper. We feel desire stirring, to leave the status quo behind and venture forward in a new way.

And if you are like I was, it may feel daunting to figure it all out. Looking back, I doubt I would have been able to find my new path on my own, much less start living the bigger life I relish now.

Having a guide to support me was crucial.

You, too, can be supported to step into your best life.

Say yes to yourself!

If you know it’s time to get on the path to a truly fulfilling future — getting clear about your vision and knowing how to create that life — you may feel excited to take a big leap. Or, you may want to take it slowly, with a series of small steps.

Both options are available to you. They both work.

The first step is to say “Yes!” to yourself.

The next step can be to explore the Live Big Live! program that has just opened for enrollment.

Click here to book a free call with me to see if the upcoming retreat may be right for you.

Let’s talk soon!

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Read what past attendees of Live Big Live! have said — and check out some photos of the retreat experience:

“I said ‘yes’ to myself and I am so glad I did. I loved the experience. After a challenging year, I found self-forgivness. I feel unstuck! I opened my heart and I have hope! And I know I am headed for someplace good. This was a deep and meaningful experience!”

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“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

........

“I was looking for personal development with a goal of improving my business results, and Rochelle turned out to be a wonderful resource to help me accomplish both. From setting a foundation of knowing more and celebrating more about myself through Enneagram studies, to building awareness of how limiting language and thoughts can bleed into our results, Rochelle offers a wide variety of tools that have helped unblock me time after time.

The results (so far!): my short, medium and long term visions are clear and exciting. I find myself taking steps forward daily that I would have avoided or put off in the past, and I am earning more money independently in my business than I ever earned from an employer. Life with Rochelle's guidance is truly a new, more joyful and fruitful way of living for me.”

........ 

“After the process we moved through, about knowing yourself and who you want to be in your life, and what you want to do and have, and watching all that unfold, it has really been spectacular.”

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“This has been a tremendous gift to myself! I definitely recommend this program! You will come together with other women who are committed to the process. You will learn from everyone’s story and everyone’s journey. It’s so much more powerful than doing it alone. And you can go at your own pace. I made it part of my life, in the process before the retreat — and at the retreat. You incorporate it into your daily thinking and it becomes part of the practice of life, something I use every day.”

........

“Definitely do it! Open yourself up to the process. Some things will come with ease and others are harder. It's the harder things I suggest you lean into. Things open up, they change! I have new courage, new confidence.”

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My bonus tip to help you live big NOW!

Last week I shared 5 steps you can take to start making small steady changes that will help you live your biggest, most satisfying life.

If you missed it, or want to review the steps again, you can read it here.

The steps were designed to make it easy to bring a small and meaningful change in your life.

The objective is for you to see notable change quickly, so you can build momentum, and be able to make more positive shifts to the old habits that have been robbing you of time and space for what matters most to you.

Here’s a short recap of the 5 steps:

1. First identify one small shift you want to make.
2. Choose innovative ways to keep yourself focused.
3. Make a plan for the action you will take.
4. Track your progress.
5. Keep going — even if you stall, keep going and then build on your progress!

My mission is to help accomplished women everywhere all live their biggest, best lives!

Is the 5-step process is helping you?

Are you already noticing positive changes?

Whether you have started using the steps, or now want to begin to implement this gentle path to living a bigger, more satisfying life, I am excited to share one more idea today.

It can help you make the progress you desire with even more ease.

Watch your words!

This suggestion is subtle but powerful.

The language you use in your self-talk has a big impact on your thinking, and thus your actions.

I wrote about the power of self-talk to make your life easier in a post last year, that you can check out here. 

And here’s another post about the power of positivity.

To put this big idea to work, take note of times you use encouraging, supportive ways of speaking to yourself, and be aware of times you let criticism or negativity fill your thoughts.

When your language is positive and encouraging, your energy flows in great ways, and the outcomes of your efforts — no matter what you are focused on doing — will be noticeably better.

You always have the opportunity to turn negativity into positive thoughts and energy, and it is easier to do that than most people think.

Two examples of positive language to adopt

1. Eliminate the “shoulds”

Here is a common way that we make things hard for ourselves, that with a little attention, can be shifted to make things significantly easier and more pleasant.

If you find yourself thinking about what you should do, pause and shift to phrasing it as what you want to do, or what you get to do.

Can you see what happens when you swap in a few new words for “should”?

Instead of berating yourself or trying to force yourself to do something, you choose that thing!

When you change the words, your energy will come from a place of desire and/or opportunity. And what happens next will be remarkably better than starting with a should!

2. Add one new word

If you feel your progress is slower than you’d like — in making a small change of habits, or reaching a milestone, or completing a challenging task — instead of beating yourself up you can add the word “yet” to your thought.

For instance, if you are focused on speaking up more boldly, a new statement can look like this: 
“I have not had the courage to bring up that touchy subject with my colleague yet.”

Or, if you are trying to get more rest to feel your best, a new statement can look like this:
“I have not adjusted my bedtime yet, but I will test a new change to my routine tonight.”

Can you feel the energetic boost of simply adding “yet” to those sentences?

Awareness is powerful

When you slow down enough to bring awareness to the language you use in your self-talk, as well as when speaking with others, great things can happen with more ease and speed than you may be able to imagine now.

The more that you bring small, positive changes into your life, the more you will show up in new, big ways. I predict that you will love that expansive bigger version of you!

Email me and let me know how these suggestions work for you. And if you have questions I’ll be happy to hear them and get back to you.

This is your time to live big!

The power of YES

Do you say “Yes” to yourself?

For what do you say “Yes” to yourself — and how often?

And how big are your yeses?

I pose these questions because I frequently observe great women who say yes to other people, yes to requests and demands, and yes to undertaking tasks all the time, yet they do not comfortably and easily say yes to themselves, or yes to what they desire.

Many women are not clear about what they really want, or if they are, they feel it is unrealistic to expect that realizing their desires is possible.

Do you agree that these are, sadly, missed opportunities? 

When I imagine a world where more women bring all of their greatness forward, and are filled with positive energy, confidence and joy as they do it — so they live big! — it quickens my heart and brings a huge smile to my face.  

I want to tell you about a remarkable group of women who said yes to themselves in a big way, and what that looked like.

Three days that changed six lives

Six remarkable women said “Yes” to getting crystal clear about their vision for themselves in the months and year ahead, and “Yes” to determining what it will take to make that vision a reality.

They said “Yes” to embarking on a process of self-discovery and finding their truth — the gamut of their truth (the exciting and inspiring, and the painful truth, too). They were willing to find and grapple with all of it. 

They showed up for themselves and were willing to go deep. They stayed in the process when it they hit tender places and rejoiced in the aha moments and the play and fun of creating in powerful experiences.

They all said “Yes” to being a part of the Live Big Live! retreat we shared this past weekend — a program that started with a six-week gentle journey of self-discovery and culminated in life-changing breakthroughs that were made at the retreat.

The women shared and supported each other with love and generosity throughout the experience. They pushed their edges. They created. They discovered. They declared. They each set a course for how they will make their visions a reality.

They made commitments to themselves— often in ways they did not expect before they embarked on the journey.

All of the clarity that emerged for them inspired them to leave the retreat with huge appreciation for and excitement about all that they can and want to BE, all they can and want to DO, and all that they can and want to HAVE, to create a truly fulfilling future.

It was a joy and an honor to usher in these tremendous insights and to guide and mentor these fabulous women.

Is this your time to say “Yes”?

At each of the three Live Big Live! retreats I offer each year I witness transformations and joy, and this spring retreat was simply fantastic.

Check out the photos below to get a peek at what happened this weekend, and to see some of the amazing art that was created.

And read what a few of the participants had to say at the close of the retreat.

Are you curious about what this opportunity might mean for you?

Let me know if you feel the call (or even a small whisper) to say a bigger “Yes!” to yourself.

I am already meeting with women to see if the Fall Live Big Live! is a fit for them, and I would be happy for you to share what you desire and what’s in your way now.

I can tell you more about the program. And if you are interested, we can determine together if Live Big Live! may provide you the breakthroughs to help you create your most fulfilling life.

Email me and we'll make a date.

Here are some of the thoughts that were shared at the end of the Spring Live Big Live! retreat:

“This work is beautiful — filled with love, grace and help. It is life altering! Rochelle’s program has lead me through what could have been a disheartening journey. The work with her, and having this experience, provides me with a constructive, creative, enjoyable process of self-discovery and learning to live more expansively and completely.”

“Rochelle provides a supportive environment to go deeper, gain clarity and move your life forward. She sees people. She gives them the freedom and space to let down their guard, and the love and attention to grapple with some really substantial life questions. We all find more of our truth, more of ourselves, and grow.”

“The Live Big Live! retreat experience gives you the time you need to gain a better understanding of who you are and what you want. The retreat provides a space in which to explore what might be holding you back from living the life you want and deserve.”

“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

What does “commitment” mean to you?

Maybe you are a bit of a word nerd like I am.

The word “commitment” comes up in my life and my work with clients remarkably often, so I decided to took a look at the definition.

Here’s how the Cambridge Dictionary defines “commitment”:

• a promise or firm decision to do something

• willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in

• something that you must do or deal with that takes your time

This is a powerful word, and one I do not take lightly.

A promise is something serious and sacred. 

A firm decision is not always easy to make, but when you do make one it’s a big deal.

Willingness entails embracing the unknown and engaging in the work to make your decision become a reality.

And the process nearly always takes time.

We juggle lots of commitments

The accomplished women I work with are typically loaded with commitments.

They do work that is important and often demanding.

Most have families that entail commitments.

Many volunteer in a range of ways. 

And many want to make (or try and keep) commitments to themselves. They aim to focus on self-care, or passion projects, or more space for joy, and many find those commitments at the bottom of the list.

What true commitment looks like.

Every commitment is a promise, and there are only so many promises we can make and keep.

The key is to choose your commitments based on what is really important to you, and what is realistic for you now — so you can keep the promises. 

Choosing your commitments with care is the key to seeing them through.

The commitments you make will vary in size. The mix has to add up to what you can not only do, but do with joy.

Here are some examples of commitments I have witnessed that may inspire you.

1. Finding a new direction

More than one client I’ve worked with realized that burnout was taking a toll that was intolerable. The first commitment each made was to find a new path that would be fulfilling and sustainable — both personally and financially. Next came a willingness to embark on creating something new. Learning curves were daunting at times. Determination, patience and support were needed to launch new consulting practices. The outcomes have been tremendous for all of them.

2. Creating what their hearts desire

Two clients are leaders with demanding roles, in positions they care about and are great at. And, both have a deep passion (and talent!) for work that is quite different from their “day jobs”. Both are committed to nurturing and building the businesses they are truly passionate about. It entails careful decision-making and focus, as they honor what they truly love and plan to transition to consulting for their organizations. They will then make the work they are deeply passionate about their primary professional focus.

3. Reshaping work and life

Several entrepreneurs have realized they want to reshape their businesses to be more fulfilling, sustainable and lucrative. They have committed to getting clear about what they truly want and exploring avenues for change. The decisions are big and the executions need to be carefully and courageously carried out. It is exciting to see them commit to the process and reap the rewards.

Choose your commitments

Consider commitments in many sizes and flavors.

Maybe you want to commit to something small and meaningful, such as getting outdoors to walk every day, rain or shine.

Maybe you want to commit to withdrawing (with kindness) from things you said “Yes” to but realize they are not aligned for you, or you said yes to please someone, or you know it is not realistic for you to follow though with.

Maybe your new commitment will be to gracefully say “No” to anything that will overload you.

After you choose a small new commitment to bring into your life, consider the bigger commitments you long to make.

Don’t be shy.

You, too, can make meaningful new commitments and live your biggest life!

Get through any struggle with these 5 steps

All of us wrestle with things that are tricky to navigate, or find ourselves in situations where communication is challenging, or on paths with obstacles we need to navigate. 

Sometimes there’s a tough decision or choice to be made. Sometimes there is someone in a dynamic with whom we do not see eye-to-eye. Sometimes an important boundary needs to be set and held. 

It is easy to feel engulfed in emotion, indecision, frustration, and even anger. 

Stress mounts, and stress can cloud your thinking. That makes things even harder. Stress can highjack your attention to a degree that you miss out on positive experiences and possibilities. 

Can you relate? 

Maybe something like that is happening right now, or a situation in the past springs to mind. 

As a coach, I support great women as they move through all sorts of challenges. And I, too, face challenges like these. 

Here are steps to take that I use, that may help you move through and forward to minimize struggle.

Follow these 5 steps to get started

1. Make space to pause and think clearly

In stressful situations, it’s tempting to push forward and act on your first impulse. 

When you choose to sit quietly and think, you can aim to consider the situation free of emotion (whether it’s fear, anger, or frustration at another person or the situation). 

You may want to journal, or take a brisk walk to clear your head. 

Can you reframe your take on things, or gain more perspective on all of it? You may want to ask someone to help you see things with keener objectivity.

2. Make a plan

This is the time to chart a course forward.

From a place of calm and greater clarity, perhaps having considered multiple possibilities, you may realize you want help from someone with particular expertise or experience. 

What is the best approach you can determine now? What boundaries and guardrails will be important to put in place? 

Your plan may not be “perfect” or work out smoothly. That’s ok. 

The key is to get things started, knowing you can make adjustments and modifications as events unfold.

3. Take action

With a plan of action in hand, it is time to implement.

Seek out resources you may need. 

When written and/or verbal communication are needed, aim for clarity free of judgement or drama. 

And be aware that as you move forward you may well find yourself returning to steps 1 and 2. (Or, remind yourself that you can use those steps again!)

4. Process your emotions

As noted in item 1 above, a range of emotions can be present at the start of the process, and emotions will continue to be a factor until — and even after — there is resolution. 

Processing your emotions as you move forward is important. Trying to ignore your feelings, or deny them, may seem expedient, but is not advised.

Take time to be with the fear, or frustration, or disappointment, or anger.

• Some people scream into a pillow.

• Some get the emotion out by running or hitting the gym.

• Some pour their emotions onto pages in a journal or onto a canvas in hideous colors.

• Some ask a trusted friend to let them vent. 

Find what works for you and give yourself time to wring it all out. You may need to repeat the process. It is rare that one round does the trick. 

Your objective is to get to a place where the charge is released, your heart feels open, and you can think as calmly and clearly as possible.

5. Stay in the process until it is resolved

It’s easy to initiate a plan, gain some traction and want things to be ”done” before they are, in fact, resolved.

Even if you feel impatient, even if the process is uncomfortable or becomes more uncomfortable over time, stay committed to seeing it through to a point of resolution.  

Be sure to include step 6: Let go!

When you have reached a resolution, whether you feel great, or disappointed, or anything in between, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you worked for the best outcome and did it with integrity. 

And mixed or negative emotions may linger. 

The biggest gift you can give yourself is to let go of any emotions that are not supporting you to be your best, to do your best, and to be as happy as possible. 

Use the suggestions in number 4 above to help yourself, so you do not feel stuck or rehash things in ways that hamper you. 

When you release any lingering emotions that diminish your wellbeing, you make precious space in your life for more goodness and more opportunities. 

And who doesn’t want more of that?

One last thing! There is still a spot available for Live Big Live! this spring. If you have been thinking this could be your time to step into creating your most fulfilling, empowered future, email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

Give yourself the gift of going deep

Most accomplished women are lucky to carve out bits of time for quiet reflection, much less deep thinking.

Endless to-do lists run their lives. And when time does open up, many don’t think to reflect, or know how to approach quiet inquiry. They usually find themselves returning to being busy, or they get distracted in all sorts of ways that quickly fill time. 

What going deep can look like

I first ventured into deep personal exploration over a decade ago and it changed my life. Working with a coach, I was prompted and guided to explore questions I never had before.

And a notable part of my journey was when I dared to start painting in 2015. It has enabled me to know myself and express myself in truly remarkable ways.

Having just returned from attending a fabulous week at a writing retreat, I am so glad I took a big new step on my path of meaningful expansion.

I was guided to bravely begin writing and to trust myself in a new medium. I was with a small group of inspiring women, also bravely writing stories that were powerful, funny, moving, raw, and provocative. We all explored and made discoveries found in deep places inside of us. 

We each dared to take this time for ourselves, motivated by a desire to grow in new ways as we shaped our ideas, committed them to paper, and received loving feedback from our teacher and each other.

We showed up for ourselves. We connected to parts of ourselves we do not usually approach. We excavated courageously and found gems.

I see great similarities between what happened for me last week and what I witness each time I lead my Live Big Live! program.

I feel a thrill when I see my clients discover exciting and gratifying work — or reignite their passion for what they do each day.

It is wonderful to observe the ways they are now forging, or repairing, or finding relationships from a grounded, clear, centered place.

They are each moving into exciting futures, with space to honor their well-being, with clarity, confidence and joy.

Are you ready to meet yourself in a new way?

The experience of connecting to yourself and igniting a huge spark in your life is possible for you, too.

If you are intrigued by the idea of making time for your own journey to your heart, so that you connect to your deep desires, clarify a vision for your most fulfilling future, and express yourself with joy, the spring Live Big Live! program may be right for you. 

You can be part of an intimate group of wonderful women who are bravely honoring themselves as they embark on rewarding journeys of self-discovery.

If you hear a small voice (or maybe a loud, “Yes!”) saying this is the time to connect to all of who you are, and be guided to living your most fulfilling life (whether you have an image of what that looks like or are trying to figure it out), let’s get on a call.

There are still a few spots available for the upcoming Live Big Live! retreat, but the deadline for enrollment is coming fast.

Let’s connect and see if this is a fit for you.

Schedule a call today

It’s your time to shine

The last two weeks we focused on why so many amazing women second-guess themselves, and how we can all connect to the truth in our hearts. Now it’s time to look at ways to practice speaking the truth you found there.

Is it time to speak more of your truth? Start small!

The power of small, steady steps is often overlooked.

Whether you’ve been holding back on speaking up about something that matters to you, or a new revelation emerged that you want to express, find a person and/or setting that feels safe and supportive. 

Tell them you want to share something meaningful that they may not have heard from you before. Ask if they can be a sounding board for you and withhold judgement or opinion. 

Then share that idea.

If you hear voices of doubt, remind yourself that you are terrific. Also remind yourself that this is a safe way to start. The person you chose, or the small group, will listen and respond positively.

And, even if that person or someone in the group does not agree with you, that’s fine. Own your ideas and opinions.

Keep practicing

The more you practice speaking your truth, the more people will expect (and in many cases look forward to) hearing what you have to say.

And your satisfaction and comfort speaking your truth will grow over time.

When there is a bigger matter to speak up or out about — soon after you get comfortable with this way of showing up or somewhere down the line — you will be a woman who feels in her power to clearly speak her truth

Are you ready to step into your biggest, best life?

Maybe you know there is more greatness in you that's waiting to emerge. You want to show up fully, without fear, and live your best life.

Maybe you are at a crossroads or in a transition and yearn to set your compass with clarity to move confidently into a truly fulfilling future.

Maybe you are focused on a career decision, or a relationship, or want to make another change, and feel stuck.

If any of these resonate in your heart, you can move into your most satisfying future — and have a true breakthrough more quickly than you may think.

The Live Big Live! program was created for you.

Dozens of women have experienced life-changing breakthroughs in this program.

You will be part of a small cohort of remarkable women and be guided to make deeply meaningful personal discoveries. When you arrive at our fabulous 3-day retreat, your discoveries will crystalize into a powerful vision — of the women you are becoming and the life you want to create.

We go deep together, in a space filled with loving energy. We play, we create, we share, and sometimes tears are shed. All of it supports life-changing breakthroughs, that I have been thrilled to witness at each Live Big Live! retreat.

Read what past participants have said about Live Big Live! (Enjoy the short videos there, too.)

Take your first step!

Let’s have a call to see if this program is right for you.

Schedule a call today

Another fast way to connect is to simply email me and we’ll make a date.

Finding the gifts in a difficult time

A new reality is here. Most of us are at home 24/7. (And for those working in hospitals, pharmacies, food stores and other essential jobs, you, too, are adjusting to a new reality — and the rest of us are enormously grateful to you.)

Is this stressful? Certainly.

Are people having to adjust to a range of new challenges? Yes.

Is it easy? Not at all.

Even those of us who have worked at home for years, and do not have small ones (or teens) with us ’round the clock, are finding this to be a time of enormous adjustment. 

And... we always have the opportunity to create — and in this case, to create our way through the challenge. 

The gift of this crisis is that we can each create our path forward. Lots of learning, growth and possibility are available.

In the Zoom calls I offered last week and Saturday, and in three Zoom calls I attended that were offered by colleagues I admire, a lot of insight has emerged and a lot has been shared. 

These are three big takeaways:

Gift #1  We are all in this together. 

We truly need one another now. Through the remarkable technology available, we are not completely isolated. We can support one another in myriad ways. To quote my husband: Building community is one of our best tools to persevere and maintain perspective and hope.

Gift #2  We have a lot of time, and choices for how to use it. 

Some people who are at home are extra-busy now — with their work, or caring for and teaching their children, or other demands. Many of us have more time each day — because work has slowed or stopped, because we are not commuting, because usual activities are cancelled.

We all have the same 24 hours each day we have always had. And we get to choose how to use them. The circumstances we find ourselves in offer us the opportunity to get intentional about it.

For those on the busy end of the spectrum, you can make choices and set priorities. You can create blocks of time for all that needs to be done, and NOT include things that are not important now. You can create space for self-care, even if that is simply of few 5-minute breaks to sit in quiet, or time to soak in a bath at the end of the day.

For those with more hours to fill than they are used to — those who have little work, are quarantined, have fewer commitments — there are many choices to be made. How do you want to structure your day so that you are intellectually stimulated, stay physically strong, learn new things, do something creative each day, and practice self-care? Creating time blocks for your day will help you to keep from drifting, and will reduce anxiety.

Gift #3.  We can learn and we can grow. 

I have learned and started to practice some incredibly helpful new ways to make each day work. And I have refocused on things I have learned before, that are more relevant now than ever. These are all helping me to keep anxiety low, and make each day work well.

Here are a few of my go-to practices:• I sit with my journal.  I set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day and start to write. I do not lift my pen from the paper until I have poured out my emotion, and along the way I connect new dots for new insights. This has been a game-changer for me.

• I consume less news.  I do not listen to news first thing upon waking. I choose my source with care. I have an AM check-in and listen again in the evening for a few minutes. That is plenty, and it keeps me from feeling consumed with worry.

• I do something creative.  Even a small doodle, and certainly a little more time creating provides a remarkable release. (You can get into flow as you play an instrument, do something new and different while you cook, sing to the kind of music that is calling to you, or any other way of creating. Getting stimulated out in nature is also great, and you benefit from using your body, too.)

• I spend quality time with people I love.  My husband and son are at home with me, and we have taken walks together, read aloud to each other, cooked together, and are planning for other ways to make this time special. And Facetime, Zoom and phone calls with family and friends have been incredibly meaningful. 

• I am staying physically active.  Even if the weather is bad and I do not venture out for a walk, I am making time to be active indoors. This keeps my spirits up and feels really good.

• I believe and I trust.  I remind myself that we will find our way through this. I believe that we will learn valuable lessons, and that those lessons will help us in the future. I think back to times in my life when I have been resilient in the face of terrible events. And I think back to times in history — some not so long ago — when people were able to live through fear, danger and uncertainty, and survive (and often thrive) on the other side.

• I am grateful.  I end each day with thoughts of gratitude. It is my practice as I transition to sleep. (Bonus: Both expressing gratitude and getting ample sleep are key ways I am keeping my immune system strong.)

I am here and want to support you.

My second Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday was a special time for sharing and learning. We had a wonderful group that included people dealing with an array of circumstances, from both coasts. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, March 29 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to share more ways to live well in these times, and eager to share the time with you.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

We always get to choose

I recently got a wake-up call. You know the kind. When someone you love has died, and someone else you love is suddenly diagnosed with advanced illness, a lot shifts into perspective.

The big question that moves to the top of the mental list becomes, “What really matters?” 

And truly, that’s the question we need to be considering each day. That’s where our attention is best placed.

Do you have clarity about your priorities? If not, this is a great time to slow down and give it some thought.

Next, consider these three questions:

1. Are you choosing fear or love?

It’s easy to get caught up in fear — about viruses, about what’s around the next corner, about the political climate, and so much more.

When we allow fear to run the show we are inviting roadblocks to get in the way of what we decided was really important. 

Instead, we can orient ourselves to operate from the space of love.

What does that look like? 

It means choosing to love ourselves. We can focus on ramping up self-care, like getting plenty of sleep, and walking outdoors, or meditating to stay calm. Even something as simple as taking a minute or two to get quiet and tune into your breath works wonders.

We can also focus on love as we connect more to important people in our lives. These may be people we see every day, at home or work, as we make space for especially meaningful conversations. It may be reaching out to people we care about but have not spoken to in a long time.

When we operate with an orientation of love, we not only help ourselves and feel more positivity and happiness, but love ripples out in beautiful ways.

2. Are you choosing action?

After getting focused on what matters to you, are you setting intentions to get into action and stay in motion? Ideas are great, but many people stop there. It’s in commiting to actively doing that you will find satisfaction.

There’s a bonus to being in action, too. When we are active — whether we’re physically active, or actively engaged in an important project — fear has less opportunity to limit us.

3. Are you choosing inspiration?

There are many ways to stay energized and inspired. Rather than being caught up in drama, intentionally turn your attention to things that keep you energized.

Did you read inspiring stories on International Women's Day? Did you meet someone whose ideas are remarkable? Did you read a fabulous book or see a great film? Did you spot wonder around you (maybe see a surprising way the light filtered in your window, or hear a magical bird call)?

When you choose to bring your attention back to people and ideas and art that inspire you, you have incredible fuel to keep pursuing the things you’ve determined matter most.

We all have the opportunity to grow and expand day by day, as we make choices with care. We all have important work to bring into the world, unhindered by fear. 

What better way could there be to respond to a wake-up?

Leave a comment and share the ways you are choosing to focus your attention and efforts.

And, if you are curious about how coaching can support you to live your best life — as you are pondering what’s next, or if you feel stuck, or as you are navigating a big transition — let’s make a date to talk. Private Creative Core Coaching might be a life-changing resource for you. 

I currently have one more spot available for one-on-one coaching. And with the exciting activity that’s developing around my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, I may not be taking on additional private clients for some time. 

If you are ready to take a serious step to start living the life you yearn for, it can start here.

How to get past the diabolical duo of fear and perfectionism

There's a strange paradox I see all the time. Accomplished professional women who strive to build great careers, launch businesses, or make big shifts in their personal or professional lives often trip themselves up.

So many of these women have big ambitions, big ideas, and even big plans but can’t get things moving. Or they make a start and can’t build momentum.

What holds them back?

Two big culprits are fear and perfectionism — and often a combination of the two. These two forces are the underlying issues that keep so many people playing it safe (tweet this).

They slow them down — or keep things from getting started at all.

“It’s not good enough yet.”

Have you said these words to yourself?

You’ve been thinking, planning, and laying groundwork for something new and important. Maybe you’ve prototyped a new product, or completed rigorous training, or see the opportunity to build an awesome business. Maybe you’ve gone as far as building a new website. But the thought of actually showing it to the world or taking the next steps feels terrifying.

After all, what if it’s not good enough — or you’re not good enough? What if people won’t like it? What if you’ll be judged — by a relative, a colleague, or in the vast social media world?

Fears like these, that sit atop the perceived need for everything to be perfect, have stopped many worthy and important new things from getting off the ground.

Here are 3 ways you can turn things around

1. Stop listening to the fear

Focusing your time and energy on more refinement or additional preparation — or holding off on taking action — may feel like a safe way to protect yourself. But this is actually a way of telling yourself, “I’m willing to stay where I am right now.” 

If that’s not what you want, I’m here to tell you that you have the power to choose not to let the thoughts that drive perfectionism and fear rule you. 

It may sound simple (and maybe a little odd), but when you hear thoughts like those you can talk back to them.

Start by acknowledging them. Be aware that these thoughts are your ego piping up, trying to maintain the status quo (which feels oh so comfortable). 

This is your opportunity to be compassionate to that voice, but to firmly tell it you are in change and you’re running the show. 

Will it feel easy to do that? Probably not. But when you want something that’s important to you, you are called on to step out of your comfort zone and bring some boldness to the matter. 

And, remember that there is no such thing as “perfect.” So, share that news, too, when you respond to your fearful thoughts.
(You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

2. Take action

Taking action — including some risks — is always the path to learning, growth, building confidence, and ultimately to reaching new and exciting places in your life.

Remember how many times Thomas Edison tried and failed before he created a light bulb that worked (he made 1000 attempts!). What if he had never started, or felt he needed the perfect solution right off the bat, or was so worried about how people would judge him that he did not get started, or became so discouraged along the way that he gave up?

Start with small steps and keep going — every small step counts. Stepping out of your comfort zone this way is not as hard as you might imagine. Continued action builds momentum. And you will find that action keeps fear at bay. 

3. Ramp up self-love

The foundation that will support you to implement steps one and two is actively emphasizing self-love.

If you have been following my work for a while, this concept will be familiar to you. If not — or if you want a refresher on the topic — here's an article that’s devoted to this important topic.

When you cultivate appreciation for all of your gifts, when you feel deserving of goodness in your life, and when you joyously love the amazing person you are, you will be amazed at how much easier it is to stand up to fear, ease up on perfectionism, and take action.

Drop me a note or comment below to let me know how playing it safe has been getting in your way and how these three strategies are making a difference.

And, if you think that coaching may help you to bring the important changes into your life that you desire, let’s talk. Take a few minutes and complete my Coaching Inquiry Form and I’ll be in touch to schedule a complimentary conversation.

Make this your day to step up and start creating something big in your life!