What are you doing for YOU today?

I've lived a whirlwind of exciting travel the since mid-January, and I am deeply grateful for the amazing experiences I have enjoyed.

Living in Paris, then attending a life-changing retreat in Texas, and now spending time in Arizona, I have seen heart-stopping art, been in gorgeous urban and natural environments, shared time with people precious to me, and eaten wonderful food.

For most of these weeks I sustained a “normal” work schedule, coaching clients, speaking virtually, and attending meetings on Zoom.

I have also made art with a limited set of materials that I could carry with me, and have enjoyed quite a few surprises as I created in new ways.

And now, I am (finally) slowing down to give myself the gift of rest.

We are humans, not machines

My natural inclination is to be in motion, to do.

I have an abundance of ideas. There is so much that excites me. I love my work and love connecting to new people.

And paradoxically, one of the big messages I share in my speaking appearances and writing is that we need to slow down and be still. I teach that that ability and practice is the foundation of Living Big!

“Slow Down and Be Still” is the title of the first chapter of my book, and the entire first half of the book is about the being of Living Big! Of course, there is a natural rhythm for being and doing, it’s just that I often am out of balance. And I know I am not alone.

To quote myself, we are human beings, but we spend too much time doing and not enough time being.

And even machines need down-time, and routine maintenance!

We need to return to the basics, over and over

In conversations I have had recently, a number of women have shared that their crushing schedules and pressures at work have led to burnout.

A big contributor is that many women put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

I am not pushing as hard as I have in the past, but I have slipped, bit by bit, into too much doing without adequately focusing on my wellbeing.

I have reminded myself that “we teach what we need to learn.” For me, it is time to get back to the fundamentals.

Small ideas for slowing things down

The key for me, and for most women, is to start making really tiny shifts. We often underestimate the impact of making small consistent changes.

You may want to pick from these ideas and see what happens.

1. Make a bedtime shift

Many women tell me they stay up late and are exhausted in the morning. Why not adjust your evening routine and go to bed 10 or 15 minutes earlier? After a few days or a week, you may try for another 15 minutes earlier.

2. A little movement works wonders

Set a reminder on your phone to go off at least once an hour. Turn away from your computer and sit and breathe for 2 minutes. (Setting the timer for two minutes will allow you just relax and breathe!) Then stand up and stretch for another minute or two. 

3. Fresh air is a game-changer

So many people spend their days inside buildings and cars. Get outside and walk at least once each day! It can be to the corner and back, a spin around the block, a walk to a lunch spot you usually drive to, following on a path in a nearby park, or walking down a city street.

4. Create more “white space”

If you look at a magazine layout, the page is sure to have margins that designers have created to make the page easy and pleasurable to ready. Nobody wants to read a page crammed with solid text! That “white space” is important in life, too. Look at your calendar and create some “white space” for yourself this week and looking ahead. What have you said “yes” to that you can you skip? What can be delegated to someone else? What can be deferred?

5. Schedule something just for you

Look at your calendar and schedule in time (anywhere from an hour to a day!) for something that will make you happy! Who might you play with? What might you explore? What will light you up? What will make you feel great? 

6. There are endless possibilities!

If nothing on this list especially sparks your spirit, or you want to do more for yourself, think about something small that will do it for you. It could be eating a fresh salad with flavors you love, or getting tickets for the theater, or making a call to someone you miss. Find something that is just for you that you can make space for now.

It is important to be mindful about these practices!

If you see the busy creeping back in, return to the awareness of how you are living — and see if you can expand on these new ways of making space for yourself and your wellbeing!

The changes I am making now

I have one more week in Arizona before returning home. I am slowing down and it feels wonderful.

I have a bit of work on my schedule this week, but I have planned to do far less than usual.

I started getting more sleep.

I now start my day listening to music I love, rather than the news.

I am walking in nature every day.

I am making time to write from the heart.

I have set things up to be able to play and make art with ease. (While my new creative experiments are not yet posted, you can take a look at my artist website here.) 

And I am firmly committed to sustaining my focus on slowing down and being intentional about my schedule when I return home next week!

If you want to share your favorite small self-care tips — or you want to share your struggles to slow down — I invite you to email me, or book a call and we can talk.

What transformation looks like in real time

Can you recall witnessing magic? Not a magician performing elegant tricks — actual magic. I had that experience last week.

I witnessed the magic of seeing lives transforming in front of me over three days.

There was no sleight of hand — this was true transformation.

The transformation was powered by deep personal exploration and creative expression. Love and trust provided the engine.

All of this happened at the Fall Live Big Live! retreat that I was honored to lead. I want to share this experience, because the event offers insights for all of us.

Transformation requires the right conditions

We did not show up on Day 1 of the retreat and dive right in. The women in the program had a foundation of preparation over a number of weeks, that primed them to make personal discoveries and thus be prepared for the processes they would move through at the retreat.

They had support and guidance along the way. Most of all there was an abundance of love and trust and generosity in this group, as everyone progressed to make her own discoveries and declarations.

The remarkable women who embarked on our journey were willing to show up in the preparation period, and then devote three days to go deep together. Some traveled to be there. Some arranged and rearranged their schedules to make it happen.

They arrived prepared to define a clear vision for what matters to them in the next part of their lives.

This is what mattered for these women

What matters most for one woman entails showing up fully and openly, with confidence in what she has to say and with belief in her potential to influence direction within her organization.

For another it means launching a new business — fleshing out the offering and stepping into making it a reality.

For one it means getting clear on her priorities and what to focus on and pursue in a portfolio of varied work arenas.

For one it means getting support and focusing in on the best way to manage a successful career and business that is fraught with stress, so she can keep clear of sacrificing her happiness and physical wellbeing.

For all it entails putting themselves at the center of the equation, as they focus on relationships, their health and wellbeing, and honoring their spirits.

Each woman looked with a sharp eye at the challenges she grapples with. Each dove into how to keep from being tripped up by limiting stories and beliefs. Each now has true belief in what is possible, and that belief is built on a solid foundation of self-love.

And they each committed to defining the specific ways they will live in the next 90 days to make their visions a reality.

They left the retreat with a plan and a full heart ready to live into the plan.

Transformation is not magic

Just as a caterpillar does not magically become a butterfly, the transformations I witnessed did not happen with a wave of a magic wand.

Caterpillar actually develop a chrysalis — a shell inside of which each caterpillar dissolves into a liquid mass. That is the material from which they start to construct each body part of the eventual butterfly they will become in the process of metamorphosis.

When ready, the formed butterfly cracks through the shell of the chrysalis to unfurl its wings and fly.

The women at the Live Big Live! retreat went through a stage of breaking down the old parts of themselves they no longer want and need.

They focused on the attributes they want to carry forward and amplify, and the aspirations they claim.

They committed to a vision of the women they each want to become, and what that will mean for each of them. I witnessed them feeling ready to soar!

The process felt magical — to them, and to me as I saw it unfold — even as the process was based on a carefully constructed methodology.

In their own words

Here are a few remarks that were made at the end of the retreat.

“You helped me work through so much. It was such a joy to be the recipient of what you created.”

“I needed the encouragement you gave me! I felt loved by you and the entire group.”

“Your quiet and powerful leadership, that came from a place of relaxed, deeply felt love, pulled me through my stress to a place of focus and clarity.”

”How special to be in a room full of wonderfully powerful leaders.”

Scroll down to see some of the final creative pieces that express the insights of the retreat experience for these women. (The collages were made on the last afternoon of the retreat.)

Questions to ask yourself now

What do you want, that will make the next part of your life truly fulfilling? Maybe an answer will pop quickly to mind. Maybe you are unsure about what you truly desire.

What limits you? Do you lack confidence? Are you afraid to be fully and authentically yourself? Maybe you have a vision that is smaller than what you truly yearn for.

I invite you to honor yourself and tap the desire in your heart. Or, if that desire feels elusive, to take steps to discover it.

Most of all, I invite you to feel deserving of your best possible life.

And if you may want a guide to help you make a faster and easier transformation, I would be glad to explore these questions with you.

We can talk, and if the next Live Big Live! program might be a fit for you, we can explore that together.

Something worth celebrating that you may be skipping

We just ended a weekend when we celebrated Father’s Day and Juneteenth.

While these are two distinct focal points of celebration, I think and talk a lot about the importance of celebration in our lives.

Why?

When we celebrate we take the time to pay attention.

We focus on people, events or things that are positive.

And as we honor or venerate the person, event, or other focal point of the celebration, we lift our own spirits.

This creates positive energy, and when filled with positive energy we are able to generate more of it.

Celebration is a multifaceted gift we can give to both others and ourselves!

Let’s explore some specific kinds of celebration

Father’s Day

Honoring a parent is sacred. While this day can bring on a range of emotions, the essence of the holiday is beautiful. For many it is a day of joy, as they bestow love on fathers, grandfathers, grown children who are now fathers, fathers now gone, and father-figures. When we bring our focus to them, we are often able to see them with new and clearer perspective.

Juneteenth

This holiday provides us with a markedly different experience of celebration. We commemorate the true story of freedom from enslavement, about which, sadly, many people have been unaware until recently. While it is special to celebrate this meaningful event, the sacred celebration also opens our hearts. It inspires us to learn more, and to work together for true freedom.

Life events — birthdays, anniversaries, graduations

These celebrations pop up throughout the year and sprinkle delight into our lives. Marking the passage of time and major life milestones is often moving. We sit back, reflect, gain perspective, and have special opportunities to have fun with people we love. While there can be bittersweet moments, these celebrations are often full of happiness — and who does not want more happiness in their lives?

Personal triumphs (even the small ones!)

This is the category that many of us fail to fully embrace. One of my missions is to teach people the importance of celebrating ourselves!

When you give yourself a “Yay Me” for something small (like reaching out to someone new or sticking with a positive habit), to something big (like getting a promotion), you show yourself love. These are expressions of self-love.

(Here’s a list of articles related to self-love that I have written. This one specifically talks about “Yay Me’s”.)

And when you practice self-love you give yourself a small hit of dopamine — a neurotransmitter that boosts the “reward center” in your brain. This chemical reaction is surprisingly potent and makes you feel wonderful.

So why don’t we give ourselves “Yay Me’s” more often?

Most of us minimize our accomplishments. We fail to acknowledge and celebrate ourselves, often looking for external validation. And even when others do praise us, many of us find it hard to receive the praise.

Let’s change that starting today!

Take the celebration challenge!

I have cultivated a “Yay Me“ practice, and I encourage my clients to build them. I invite you to join us.

Last week I was able to give myself a few important “Yay Me’s”.

I spoke live at a wonderful conference and I enrolled brilliant clients. Those are can’t miss events, and hard to minimize.

I am especially proud that I also celebrated myself for things I would have let slip by unacknowledged before I was so aware of their importance.

For instance, I skipped a gathering I was looking forward to attending to give myself extra rest after a few days of tiring travel and early starts. My body was so grateful I made that choice, and the “Yay Me” I gave myself was the icing on the cake.

How many “Yay Me’s” can you give yourself today?

Can you give yourself at least one “Yay Me” each day for the next week? The next month?

Maybe you’ll start keeping a “Yay Me” journal, or create a record on your phone to track them!

Please share your progress, and your specific “Yay Me’s” if you wish. I’d also love to know how it feels to declare them.

And if you want to share your vision for life filled with more “Yay Me’s” and your questions about how to create it, email me and we can make a date to talk.

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

If you crave certainty, this is for you

If you celebrated a holiday this past weekend, I hope it was lovely.

We look forward to many events, and hope for gatherings to be happy, friction-free and fun.

Like many moments in life, we crave certainty and we aim to control outcomes — in spite of the fact that such control is unrealistic.

How to let go of control and stress

Of course, we must first acknowledge that there are things beyond our control.

It’s those things that we think we can control that I’m addressing here.

Whether you are hosting a holiday meal or planning a business program, pitching a proposal or heading out for vacation, the impulse to control everything to assure perfection is tempting (and for some, an automatic way to operate).

For most people, that brings on stress — which is not only counter-productive, it hinders that outcome they desire.

Here are three great approaches to try instead:

1. Be clear about the control you have

The only thing we can be certain about is a belief in ourselves. (This may take some cultivating, and I promise it will be a worthwhile endeavor.)

Consider bringing focus to these areas:

• your resourcefulness

• your resilience

• your efforts to do your best

• your trust in yourself

When you focus there, strengthen each of them, and believe in these qualities, you are in the best position to move ahead effectively and with confidence.

2. Let go of the need for perfection

I realize this one is hard for many of us. (I consider myself a “recovering perfectionist,” and this is life-long work for me!)

There are two ways to think about perfection.

• One is to acknowledge that there is no such thing as perfection. This allows us to take things far less seriously, and removes judgement. We can appreciate good and great, not needing “perfect.”

• The other option is to accept that whatever happens is perfect! We can be proud and happy for good outcomes, and can learn from less-than-ideal outcomes. These less-than-stellar results are gifts that can inform our future efforts, and are often the best thing possible in the long-run.

I try to embrace both of these concepts.

3. Give yourself grace

When you embrace points one and two, you can move ahead with a foundation of self-love and self-compassion. You can bring more of your gifts to every project and plan on which you embark.

You can not only trust yourself, you can extend the trust to those with whom you choose to collaborate. And you can trust the universe to support your efforts.

You can appreciate that everything is an opportunity for learning and expansion.

This self-leadership is the foundation for leadership of all sorts in your life. Leading at work, leading the way for healthy relationships, inspiring others as you lead with creativity and vision, committing to ongoing self-awareness, and, ultimately, making the biggest impact.

Are you ready to boldly lead your life?

Every day affords each of us the opportunity for growth and for expansion — for becoming the confident, clear, focused person we aspire to be.

Perhaps you are a woman who yearns to be a stronger leader in your life, and is ready to bring all of your greatness forward to create your most inspired future.

If that resonates with you, let’s talk.

Email me and we’ll make a date to explore the dreams you have and what’s in the way. I would be happy to provide insights, and may have resources to offer you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Focus on this energy to help yourself — and the world

I pick a card from a deck of oracle cards each morning. This daily practice, that I started in January, centers and grounds me. I sit down at my desk, a candle lit beside me, and begin to focus my energy and attention around the message I receive. After I write for a while I move into action.

I am often struck by how the card I draw is just what I need on a given day. Some recent examples have been “Breakthrough,” “Action,” “Commitment,” “Playfulness.”

And sometimes, I draw a card that surprises me a bit. When that happens, as it did today, I spend a little more time considering what it is I can learn, or how I can be inspired by the message on the card.

The card I drew today?

“Compassion”

And the affirmation stated on the card is:

“The vibration of compassion shines through my every cell!”

The importance of compassion now

One dictionary definition of compassion is:

“sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”

I do not disagree. And yet I started thinking about this word, and its message for me — and all of us — in a broader way today.

With all that is happening in the world, compassion for those who are suffering is a sensation most of us are feeling, and with which many of us are struggling. We live thousands of miles from many tragic world events, we are in close proximity to the continued suffering caused by COVID, and we feel for countless people everywhere who experience distress of many kinds.

It can feel overwhelming to think about all of the suffering we wish we could alleviate.

And, while it may sound counterintuitive, I know there is a way that we can increase our power to positively impact others.

We need to bring compassion to ourselves first

When we cultivate true compassion for ourselves, we can fully love and unconditionally accept ourselves. With this foundation we can have more impact for others in need.

I write often about ways we can strengthen self-love and how to bring more love into the world. (You may want to check out this article about love and self-love. And this article has 3 quick steps to give your spirits a boost.)

Cherish yourself. Affirm your belief that you are amazing, deserving, capable, powerful and creative. In addition to focusing your thoughts this way, you may want to create a mantra for yourself and repeat it often, to bolster self-love.

Aim to let go of judgement, shame or guilt, if you notice thoughts like that showing up. How? Spot those thoughts and replace them with positive, loving thoughts. (You might repeat your mantra.)

The energy of compassion is stronger than you may think

I deeply believe in the power of love to heal us. When we are filled with self-love, and focused on radiating loving thoughts and actions, we shine more of our light to others — near and far.

What we focus on is what we get.

If you allow fear, bitterness or stress to occupy your thoughts, those will build.

So, consider how you can keep your focus on the positive.

• Perhaps, if you meditate, you will bring a simple loving mantra into that practice.

• You might talk about the power of love in conversations with others today

• If you write in a journal, you may want to focus on love in any of its forms.

The more you activate, and spread, your love and light, the more it grows in you. And the more that energy touches others.

Let’s all leverage positive energy

The energetic field of positive vibration will grow and become more powerful the more we each nurture loving energy, and the more we inspire others to expand loving energy.

By collectively bringing a focus of loving compassion to our lives and the lives of others, we bring fuel to alleviating suffering. Coupled with action, these synergistic forces are powerful.

We can all play our part and sustain this energy.

Let’s do this together. Will you join me?

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Love doesn’t have to be complicated

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Maybe you (like me) are feeling tired of the way the focus on love feels commercialized, manipulative and superficial in our culture.

Perhaps you are cynical about love, or feel it is missing or lacking in your life, or you doubt its importance.

Perhaps you crave more love, in any of the ways it can touch your heart.

What if you simply let yourself feel love?

We spend so much time living in our heads.

It’s when we choose not to think so much and drop into our hearts and our bodies, that we have the opportunity to get to the pure essence of love, and experience it in ways that fill us with delight.

Try this simple practice and see what happens:

Spend 3 minutes of quiet and connect to your heart.

You might set a timer, or just choose to sit in stillness for a little while.

Cross your hands over your heart. As you breathe, feel into the energy of your heart.

Pay attention to the sensations you feel.

Ask what your heart desires.

Listen closely.

Even if you hear only whispers, the information and insights are important to honor. And if you feel an absence of insight, try sitting a bit longer. Or try again later or tomorrow.

Next — no matter what you found — actively appreciate yourself. Send love to you, for being with yourself this way, and for being the amazing person you are.

Savor the sweetness of this experience.

This process is a way you can experience and cultivate self-love. Even if it feels subtle, it can be more powerful than you may imagine.

And the more you make this practice a part of your life, the bigger the benefits will be.

Consider expanding your self-love practice.

Gaze at yourself in the mirror each morning and smile warmly at you!

Focus on treating yourself to experiences that delight you. You deserve them.

Maybe a brisk walk each morning makes you feel alive and excited for your day. Make that a priority!

Maybe preparing clean healthy foods makes you feel great. Plan your day so there is ample time for that preparation, as well as savoring the food you cook.

Maybe adding a new color to your environment will lift your spirits each day. How can you bring in a splash of that color, perhaps with a throw pillow, or by painting an accent wall in a space you use a lot? Maybe you will choose to wear that color more.

Maybe visiting galleries or museums lights you up, or music stirs your heart. Make inspiration dates to bring joy like that into your life.

You will effortlessly begin to spread more love.

When we are filled with love for ourselves we can spread love to others with ease and joy. We naturally feel more affection and connection to everyone around us.

The expression of this loving energy can show up as smiling more at people (even strangers), expressing appreciation, and engaging in small acts of kindness.

And, at times when you might have typically felt annoyed or frustrated or angry with someone (friends or strangers), you may instead find yourself able to send them loving thoughts, or wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt.

When you spread loving energy — even wordlessly — you support your own wellbeing, and often shift the energy in the person or people around you in ways you cannot perceive.

The power of love can change your life.

Last week I was honored to lead a remarkable group of women for three days of deep work, infused by love, at my winter Live Big Live! retreat.

We began the journey 45 days before the retreat. We came together and dove deep into shaping visions for the future that were rooted in knowing that comes from a deep connection to the heart.

Love was the foundation for everything we did. Love infused each experience included in the program, that culminated in so many big outcomes.

Each woman connected to ways to cultivate self-love that had deep meaning for her. They each unabashedly honored themselves and their gifts, and claimed the desires in their hearts. They were able to step into honoring those desires, and begin to take concrete steps to make them their reality.

Shifts like this cannot happen in an instant. Practice is needed, and over the weeks and at the retreat, we practiced together.

With a foundation of self-love, each of the women naturally supported the others with tremendous love. The energetic connections were palpable and powerful.

Even without deep immersion and guidance, you can bring the power of love into your life in bigger ways than ever.

I invite you to start with the practice described above, and expand it as you feel inspired.

You will reap beautiful rewards.

If you wish to share your experience, or have questions, I would be happy to hear from you.

Email me to let me know how this resonates for you.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.