Moments of gratitude and transformation

Bon jour!

Just a quick note from France, where L’Aventure Française retreat has been magical — and is soon coming to an end.

After spending 5 splendid days in Paris, we took the train to the Dordogne region of France (east of Bordeaux), where the countryside is magnificent. We have spent sunny days walking on country roads to explore village markets, we’ve reflected on the insights and inspiration of our time in Paris, we have created and played in new ways each day, we visited a wonderful artist in his studio, and we ate exquisite food that was prepared and served with love by the hosts of our intimate retreat center. 

I have been moved and inspired by the women who chose to embark on this experience. Great moments of insight and clarity have filled our time together. Each is returning home a different person, eager to bring fresh, clear intention, energy and creative power into her life.

And I, too, have been changed by this experience. I will be reflecting on the magic and will mine it for all of the rich lessons and gifts I received.

I am filled with gratitude beyond description.

And I know that whatever awaits us when we return, we are each brimming with loving, positive, creative energy. The creative power we bring to everything we do will have a positive impact in our lives, will touch those with whom we are in contact, and will emanate to influence the world around us.

The surprising key to growth and self-love

Saturday was Yom Kipur, a high holy day on the Jewish calendar that is a day of repentance for ways we each missed the mark in the year past.  

And who of us has not missed the mark? 

I spent the day in deep contemplation, supported by magnificent music and moved by prayers that ranged from sobering to uplifting. 

The entire congregation committed to living with awareness and prayed to be written into the book of life for the year ahead.

And at our synagogue we take a break between the morning and afternoon services. There is a panel discussion where four congregants speak on a topic. Past topics have included social justice, personal journeys, family histories, and more. 

This year’s panel topic was failure.

Each speaker shared an experience of failure and what happened afterwards, or what they learned. 

We all experience failure

Had I been asked to speak publicly about failure in my life, I would have thought long and hard about which failure to share. There have been countless times I felt like a failure, and many times when I failed in ways that others could clearly see. 

It is unsettling and uncomfortable to think about failure.

And yet, we have all experienced it, and in looking back we can consider how we moved on and what we learned. We can also think about how we might face inevitable failures in the future.

This resource can lessen the sting of failure

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for a while, you are aware that I teach that practicing self-love provides a foundation for living your best life.

While self-love is a big topic (you can find several past blog posts on the subject here), let’s talk about how self-love supports you when you fail — whether that is failing to meet your own expectations or failing at a task, in a job, in a relationship, or any other way.

When you build a solid foundation of love for yourself, you acknowledge and believe in all of your gifts. You are able to be less harsh with yourself.

If you do your best and fall short you can be more self-forgiving.

And if you have a more painful or serious failure, a strong foundation of self-love enables you to acknowledge the lapse, do what you can to make amends, and commit to ways you will make changes and move forward.

How will you move on from failure?

Because we are all imperfect, we will all fall short from time to time.

We will all fail.

If you can see each failure as an opportunity to learn something new — about yourself, or a new way to approach a problem, or that there are new possibilities you had not considered, or that there are new skills you can learn, or that there is help you can tap in the future — you will see that failure can take you to new and better places.

Failures can lead you to a brighter future.

It all depends on how you choose to think about and respond to them.

My failures, as painful as many have been, became valuable resources for me when I learned to mine them for insight rather than sit with pain and remorse. 

I wish you a year of health, joy, and growth, supported by abundant self-love.

Navigating the year-end transition

As we head into the last two weeks of the year, you may feel drawn to look back, or eager to look ahead, and maybe both.

Whether this has been a year to cherish or a year you are eager to leave behind, you surely have meaningful opportunities for insight.

You choose the lens

Let’s first consider reflecting back on 2023 — which I suggested in my last post.

Looking back can reveal a lot for us, and can help us look ahead with clarity and intention for the year we want to live after the calendar turns on New Years Day.

All of us can spot times when things went well. It is important to recall things we took pride in and things to celebrate.

And, all of us can spot times of challenge, disappointment, pain or frustration.

It's in reflecting on the challenges that we get a choice about the lens through which we want to process them.

If you choose a lens of regret you may beat yourself up for not doing better or for having made poor decisions — leaving you with a sinking sensation, or worse.

If, instead, you choose to look at unfortunate events of the past year through the lens of observing lessons learned, or recognizing ways you moved ahead, you may well be able to feel gratitude for positive aspects of those events. 

Perhaps you will see that you were resilient.

Perhaps you can appreciate your strength.

Can you spot creativity in ways you thought about paths forward, or ways you approached a situation?

A focus on gratitude sets you up for success 

When you choose to look through the lens of gratitude, for both the great things and the ways you dealt with difficulties, you fill yourself with positivity.

The energy you feel when you can appreciate the full spectrum of your experiences is powerful. And that energy will support you to think and feel differently as you look ahead to 2024.

Try this next

Pull up your calendar and set aside a little time for yourself to look back, and look ahead. You may want to do this with a buddy, you may want to schedule two sessions — one for looking back and one for looking ahead. You may want to do this in a place you especially enjoy, like a cozy cafe or a comfy chair.

Any way that works for you is great.

It is helpful to scan your 2023 calendar and note the things that jump out to you. There are likely to be highlights you did not acknowledge, or special things that you lost track of. Jot them all down.

And jot down the rough stuff, too. There may be big ones you are thinking of now, and you may well see some reminders of smaller challenges that offer insights when you think about how you responded, overcame obstacles, or found solutions.

With all of the discovery noted, its time to do some writing about the outcomes in 2023 you can appreciate and savor.

And then it is time to look ahead to the fresh new year on the horizon.

What dreams do you want to pursue? How do you want to show up

Consider questions like these:

• What qualities in yourself will you leverage in new ways?

• Do you yearn to lead more boldly? 

• Do you want to be more compassionate (to yourself and/or others)?

• Are you ready to stop doing something the way you have in the past?

• Does it feel like time to try something big or new?

Write about all of the thoughts and ideas that come to mind, without evaluating or judging them, or thinking about how to do any of those things. (There will be time for those questions soon enough.)

Give yourself the gift of time to dream 

In this season of gift-giving, spending time to dream is a precious gift you can give yourself.

Let yourself dream big about the life you want to create in 2024!

It does take any more energy to dream a big dream than a small one. Honor yourself and the desires in your heart, and declare your dreams!

I am dreaming about a year filled with more love, abundant peace, and women (and men!) everywhere living their dreams.

We can collectively bringing more greatness into the world as we all create in meaningful ways. This world needs all of us to show up and live our biggest,best lives.

Take time to reflect

In the midst of this busy season, most of us have a packed schedule.

And lots of people wait until the new year rolls around to look ahead, make a resolution or two, and hope for good things to happen.

I get it. Carving out time for reflection can seem hard, or may feel selfish — particularly when the calendar is filled.

I invite you to consider the gifts that can emerge when you devote even a small bit of quiet time to reflect.

Take a few minutes for yourself 

Set aside a few minutes today — maybe over lunch, or before bed would be a good time to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for yourself.

Pull out a journal, paper or a laptop, and have your calendar handy. Then choose one or more of these questions to explore.

1. Look back at your year and see what you can celebrate about yourself.

Here are some questions you might ask:

• Were there times when you were brave, or dared to be bold? 

• When did you have an impact that was meaningful?

• Did you accomplish something you would not have expected? 

• When did your generosity have meaning for someone?

2. Look for lessons learned.

We learn valuable lessons in many ways. One way you may not have considered is to think about challenges you took on, or challenges that showed up this past year, that contributed to your path of success. 

See what you can spot. Can you feel gratitude for outcomes that those challenges led to in your life?

3. Look for things you want to emphasize next year, or let go of.

Perhaps there was an experience that opened your heart in a new way, or a person you got to know well and enjoyed, or a place you spent time that was especially meaningful. 

Note things you want more of next year.

Think, too, about things you want less of, or things you are ready to release.

Perhaps there are things you said “Yes” to that you didn’t like doing, or that have run their course. Maybe there are habits of thinking you are ready to shift away from. Maybe you want a change in a relationship.

By reflecting and taking note, you can set intentions for next year.

You can consider ways to make the positive things a meaningful part of your life in 2024.

And you can intentionally clear space for more positivity when you set clear intentions to release what does not make you happy.

Do it again!

Why not set aside a few minutes every other day for the rest of this month for some quiet reflection? Start with the suggestions above, and add to ways of mining the past year as new perspectives come to mind.

As you look back and consider your year in 2023, you will be likely to notice many things that will help you move into 2024 with more clarity, awareness and intention.

And if you want to share, I would be delighted to hear about the insights you discover. Email me.

Unlock the power of daily reflection.

Most of us launch into our days, moving through a brisk morning routine and then attending meetings and handling tasks and projects that fill our packed calendars. We end the day only to start again the next morning.

In the midst of a busy life, it’s easy to loose sight of the opportunity we each have to pause, reflect and make simple choices that can have a big positive impact.

Three questions you can ask yourself today

If, instead of moving from one thing to the next as quickly as possible, you choose to briefly stop, breathe quietly for a minute ot two, and then ask yourself a good question, you can change the tone and intensity of any busy day.

Here are questions you may want to choose from:

1. What one thing really matters now?

When you choose this question and focus on the top thing that matters most right now, you are able to bring both awareness and clarity to your day. Your attention will no longer be splattered.

This pause enables you to consider how you might reshuffle other things on the calendar if that is needed, or who you can ask to help you, or what resources are available that you had not considered as you rushed though the day.

2. What will me happy now?

It’s easy to forget that you deserve to be happy, and that there is always an opportunity to have moments of pleasure in your life — even when things are busy!

This is not a frivolous or selfish thing to make a priority, It is self-loving. And when you honor yourself by choosing to inject happiness into your day, you put positive fuel in your engine.

• Maybe a quick text or call to someone special will lift your spirits. 

• Maybe a short walk in nature, or a stop at a lovely cafe will give you a boost. 

• Maybe planning something special you can look forward to doing at the end of your day will light up your heart.

3. What promise can I make to myself now?

This question offers you a terrific opportunity to reflect on something you want to commit to — for yourself, for your wellbeing.

Tap your heart and find something that you want.

Keep in mind that small desires are a great for two reasons — they matter, and they will not make you feel overwhelmed.

Here are some prompts that may get you started:

• You might promise yourself to get to bed a little earlier. 

• You might promise yourself to ask for something you have held back on requesting.

• You might promise yourself to be kinder — to yourself or someone else. 

• You might promise yourself to follow through on a task you have been avoiding.

• You might promise yourself to be a bit bolder today.

• You might promise yourself to start planning an adventure you have been longing to take.

This small daily practice can bring big shifts

We tend to underestimate the significant impact that small actions can have.

You may want to remind yourself to ask one of these questions each day (and you may have other questions you want to add).

Why not download this graphic, print it, and use it as a reminder?

I’d be happy to hear about how this practice works for you.

And I am always happy to talk about how you want to Live Big.

Email me today!