Discover how to reclaim your time and joy

For much of my life I was so focused on what I had to do, that I rarely created time or space for what I wanted to do.

And my “had to do” list was crazy-long. 

I was sure I had to accomplish ambitious tasks on short timelines.

I was sure I had to do everything myself. (You can imagine how that belief gobbled up vast amounts of time and exhausted me!)

I was sure that I had to (and I wanted to) volunteer on top of running my business, raising young children, and being available when my husband’s frequent long hours and travel kept him away from home. I said “Yes” to lots of volunteer requests, and countless pleas from people to help them.

I was perpetually exhausted.

Can you relate?

Do you put the things you want to do, and that you know will bring you joy and satisfaction, at the bottom of your to-do list?

What happened when I listened to my heart and approached my life in a new way 

When I sold my first business, dove deep into studying creativity, and launched my coaching practice, I was again faced with SO much to do every day! But this time around, I had new insights and awareness.

I had started getting help and support — including working with a coach, hiring experts to do things I chose not to figure out and do on my own, keeping more white space on my schedule and building in time for painting and writing, to satisfy my spirit.

I built keen awareness about how I moved through each day. I reframed negative and stressful thoughts that used to weigh me down.

And I began to honor my deep desires and dreams.

When I did that, it became much easier to say “No” to things that would take up time and impede my ability to to do what I felt called to do.

What I have said “Yes” to recently

It’s been nearly a year since I lost my father. Even before that event I’d been  feeling that change was brewing for me, and I gave myself time for clarity to emerge. After his death my vision quickly became clear. I made decisions to honor what my heart was asking for.

I yearned to lead women on longer retreats, where we could go deeper together and bigger shifts would be possible for my clients.

And I created two new retreats — Creation Vacation, a week on the coast of southern Maine in January, and L’Aventure Française — a 12-day retreat to France (that is starting in 2 weeks!).

And I am in the process of creating programs to bring my work into companies, so that cohorts of great women can be supported to step into their power and show up boldly. They will be supported to bring all of their greatness into the world — and do it without sacrificing their personal wellbeing.

My vision is for women to take the lead in bringing these attributes into their lives and work.

I believe that in time, their successes will impact those around them and impact our culture! As more workplaces provide this support and reap the benefits of bigger outcomes, they will retain the great women who will be thriving.

I also committed to making more time for what is personally fulfilling.

I am taking better care of my body with routine workouts and yoga classes. And I am painting and writing consistently now (rather than squeezing in bits of time here and there for those ways that I yearn to create).

What are you ready to say “Yes” to now?

I invite you to sit with the question of what your heart deeply wants. Honor what shows up for you.

It may be more rest, more calm, more time for yourself. It may be a big exciting dream. No matter what surfaces, consider a first small step to take in that direction. 

Small steps really count! And when you take them consistently, and get back on course when something shows up and gets in the way, you will see how small changes add up to meaningful impact.

Be patient with yourself. Trust yourself. Get support. Keep moving forward.

And if you seek support, please reach out and schedule time for us to talk about your path to creating change in your life.

Overwhelm to Openness: Embracing a New Way of Living

Most accomplished women work hard — really hard! Working hard was such a normal part of my life, for so long, that I did not believe there was any other way to live.

And I paid a steep price for living that way.

I was exhausted and stressed. And I missed out on so much The relaxed time with my family and friends that I yearned for was, instead, crammed into an overcrowded schedule. I was usually preoccupied, feeling pressure to get the next thing done.

I had trouble relaxing on vacations, too. 

I felt trapped and couldn’t envision how things would ever change.

What I learned that opened space — and elevated my spirit

My lessons have unfolded over time, and truth be told, none of them are quick-fixes. Accepting that reality and being patient as I made changes has made a significant difference in my life.

I patiently began to embrace new concepts and take new steps, that you may want to explore. Space opened up in my schedule, and even more amazingly, in my mind and heart.

Consider starting small. Choosing to implement these ideas can have a meaningful impact.

1. Create “white space” on your calendar

You may know that I owned a designer firm in my first career. One important principal in design is to leave ample white space in a layout or a web page, so the content is not dense or not crowded, allowing a reader to focus with ease.

Leaving white space on your calendar gives you space and time to focus on what is important, without clutter or stress (to your energy or spirit).

Consider what you are saying “Yes” to, and what “No’s” you can start saying.

Think about who you can delegate tasks to, and who you can turn to for help.

Putting this awareness to work is a game-chamger.

2. Sustain a positive frame of mind

In a world filled with constant tensions and issues — close to home and globally — it is easy to feel pulled into worry and drama. Thoughts like those used to highjack me.

What I learned and have practiced is to bring a focus to gratitude for all that is good. Try it and you will see that your attention will be directed to positive emotions. You’ll set yourself up to ride a wave of possibility. You will free your spirit to create! 

What might you create? New ideas. New actions to take. New conversations to initiate. New ways of expressing yourself, as you show up boldly in the world.

All of these positive ways of creating will move you into an elevated state of mind!

3. Let go and allow

While I was sure I had to figure everything out myself  — not to mention doing all that was entailed on my own — I have learned that there is power in creating an energetic foundation and allowing my spirit, and the universe, to assist me.

I know this may sound woo to many people, but bear with me!

• First I learned to open space in my life, as described in #1 above.

• Then I focused on sustaining a positive outlook, as in #2.

• I began to trust myself more. 

• I began to create actively all day every day. 

• I expanded my vision and started to dream bigger.

• And I allowed the energy of all of that to help me find my way.

I let go of having to have all the answers figured out before taking action.

And incredible things have appeared for me — insights, resources, new directions — that I would not have envisioned on my own!

What change will you make today?

This is a perfect time to explore a small new step that can lead to remarkable change in your life.

Take a first step. Then another.

And if you want support to get started, or to sustain your efforts, email me. We can talk about all that is possible for you and your path begin to creating the life you dream of.

Embracing the unexpected: letting go of expectations

Last week my body forced me to slow down. I returned from an exciting week away, speaking at a great event, with COVID. I had no choice but to rest. (Happily, I am fully recovered now.)

I had expected to catch up from a a big to-do list after being out of my office, but the universe had other plans for me. 

I let go of expectations, and everything was fine! 

If you are like me, you’ve lived a life full of expectations, and have held them tightly.

A great life lesson, that I need to be reminded of (like when I was sick last week), is that I can let go of expectations and it will not only be fine — it is often better than fine!

Expectations can be a trap

Most of us set expectations about all sorts of things, typically without awareness that we are doing so. And most of them tend to limit us.

We expect things of ourselves and of others. And we often hold tight to those expectations. When we do, we suffer disappointments more often than not.

Typical examples that get in our way are:

• Expecting ourselves to get more done in a day than is reasonable. 

• Expecting ourselves to be perfect.

• Expecting things outside our control to be perfect.

• Expecting others to read our minds. 

• Expecting people to see things from the same perspective we do.

Living with these sorts of expectations running in the background keeps us from thinking and acting with agency — with awareness that we can always operate with creative power. 

Here’s what it can look like instead:

• Rather than driving yourself hard and feeling exhausted, you can approach your day with a focus on what is most important, and delegate or defer other tasks.

• Rather than expecting perfection from yourself, you can determine to approach everything with care and focus, and fully acknowledge and appreciate your best efforts.

• Rather than feeling disappointed by things outside your control, you can remember what you can and cannot control! (See the graphic below and refer to it often! You can download it here.)

• Rather than holding expectations that others know what you want and need and expect of them, you can communicate clearly.

• Rather than expecting others to see things as you do, you can choose to be open to other perspectives. You may find that others’ lenses offer you insight that you get to appreciate — or not.

What happens when you let go of expectations

I have learned that when I release expectations, I allow myself to be fully present to opportunities and possibilities. I trust that things are always working out for me, as I create my best day each day.

When I approach every day as one that I get to create — in my thinking and my actions — I often find possibilities that would not have been shown up I had held a tight grip.

How can you loosen your grip and release expectations, even a little today?

What will you create today?

Take time to reflect

In the midst of this busy season, most of us have a packed schedule.

And lots of people wait until the new year rolls around to look ahead, make a resolution or two, and hope for good things to happen.

I get it. Carving out time for reflection can seem hard, or may feel selfish — particularly when the calendar is filled.

I invite you to consider the gifts that can emerge when you devote even a small bit of quiet time to reflect.

Take a few minutes for yourself 

Set aside a few minutes today — maybe over lunch, or before bed would be a good time to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for yourself.

Pull out a journal, paper or a laptop, and have your calendar handy. Then choose one or more of these questions to explore.

1. Look back at your year and see what you can celebrate about yourself.

Here are some questions you might ask:

• Were there times when you were brave, or dared to be bold? 

• When did you have an impact that was meaningful?

• Did you accomplish something you would not have expected? 

• When did your generosity have meaning for someone?

2. Look for lessons learned.

We learn valuable lessons in many ways. One way you may not have considered is to think about challenges you took on, or challenges that showed up this past year, that contributed to your path of success. 

See what you can spot. Can you feel gratitude for outcomes that those challenges led to in your life?

3. Look for things you want to emphasize next year, or let go of.

Perhaps there was an experience that opened your heart in a new way, or a person you got to know well and enjoyed, or a place you spent time that was especially meaningful. 

Note things you want more of next year.

Think, too, about things you want less of, or things you are ready to release.

Perhaps there are things you said “Yes” to that you didn’t like doing, or that have run their course. Maybe there are habits of thinking you are ready to shift away from. Maybe you want a change in a relationship.

By reflecting and taking note, you can set intentions for next year.

You can consider ways to make the positive things a meaningful part of your life in 2024.

And you can intentionally clear space for more positivity when you set clear intentions to release what does not make you happy.

Do it again!

Why not set aside a few minutes every other day for the rest of this month for some quiet reflection? Start with the suggestions above, and add to ways of mining the past year as new perspectives come to mind.

As you look back and consider your year in 2023, you will be likely to notice many things that will help you move into 2024 with more clarity, awareness and intention.

And if you want to share, I would be delighted to hear about the insights you discover. Email me.

Discovering strength in tough moments

Here we are in December. I am looking ahead to how I will conclude 2023, and where 2024 may take me. You may be thinking about that too.

2023 has been extraordinary in many ways — some wonderfully special, some tragic, personally and in the greater world.

All of the events in our lives offer us the opportunity to think about how to look at them, and to respond.

It is in the hard times that we can learn the most, if we choose to see those events as learning opportunities.

The challenges of dealing with loss and worry

November was a month of many contrasts for me, dominated by loss and stress.

I lost my father on November 13. He was 97, a great man who lived a remarkable and long life. He was dearly loved. I am grateful that I was with him on the 13th, hours before he took his last breath.

The day my father died my youngest sister was on a ventilator in an ICU, 10 miles away. She has been in multiple ICUs these last weeks, and has finally turned a corner. It looks like her will to live is stronger than all of the medical problems that shut down so many of her organ systems for nearly a month.

Grief and deep concern for my sister have been a tough pair of challenges. The space to grieve for my father has been squeezed by the time and attention devoted to my sister’s illness.

My heart has been sore for weeks on end.

And, blessedly, life continues, and it is full of dimension.

Both and… 

I made a point each day to look for ways to bring love and hope into my life, and into the world in any small way I could think of.

I wrote to all of you weekly, even as I chose not share anything about my father’s death until my sister was conscious and we could tell her. Writing to you was a gift I gave myself. It felt good to share what I hope were meaningful ideas.

Amidst the sadness and not-knowing worry, the joy of spending Thanksgiving with my children and sweet grandchildren was a balm for my spirit. I felt deep gratitude for so much love in my life, and savored the the sweetness of being with little precious ones.

I created time to write and to paint. That helped me feel deeply, and move emotion that seemed trapped and fraught.

I learned to be patient and to trust that things would work out as they were meant to. And I learned to accept that I could only do so much.

I could love and support my family members, especially my sister's children. I could take care of practical matters. I could do my best to bring love into the world. I could support my clients. And I needed to take care of myself.

Of course I wish the circumstances in my family and the world around me could have been different. And yet, I learned so much for which I am grateful.

Conclusions and beginnings

As we are all moving into this last month of 2023, I invite you to join me in taking a look back at everything you have experienced this year.

Can you see things you learned, or can learn now by looking through a lens of openness and gratitude? Are there lessons and insights you see with clarity now, that you may have missed as they happened?

Now think about 2024 and all that is possible for you. What do you want your year to look like and feel like?

What strength and insights can you bring into the new year based on your reflections of 2023?

And here is one last question:

How can you live your biggest, best life today and all month long, so that you can create dynamically in 2024?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Email me with your plans for living your best life.

Slow down to find clarity

Perhaps the weather is finally getting more seasonally cool where you are, as it is here in Boston. The fall season brings many things to mind.

Like many people, I am thinking about how I want to make the most of the final quarter of this year. 

And with lots of big ideas percolating, it would be easy for me to drive myself hard. After all, there are barely 12 weeks until 2024 gets underway.

For most of my life I was focused on pushing myself. It was such a “normal” way for me to live and work that I never considered the possibility of a different approach to my life.

What about you?

Is constant pushing your “normal”? 

If it is, does it make you happy?

Do you hold the belief that it’s the only way to get things done and achieve?

What if there is another way?

I have been learning to slow down for over a decade! 

I have become keenly aware that, for me, being thoughtful and taking intentional, clear action works much better than plowing frantically through my days.

Going more slowly to get more done, and to be more satisfied with my work and my life, was counterintuitive when my first coach introduced the concept to me.

Being willing to try it, finding ways to experience more satisfaction and accomplishment, and consistently practicing over time has made a huge difference in my life.

I am clear about the benefits of living and working without “push energy” — that I had thought was the only way to succeed. (I, like most of us, had internalized the way our culture glorifies and celebrates hard, hard work). 

My new approach has proven to be remarkably beneficial.

3 steps you can try for yourself

Rather than plowing through your days, living with stress, and collapsing in exhaustion, here is a way to start approaching your life differently that you can explore.

1. Make a small shift to create space for you to “be.”

When you start your day with space for thinking, feeling and intentional planning, many things will start to change.

Even if you have kids to get to school or other demands on your time, think about adjustments you can make to start your day in a new way.

You might realize that getting to bed a bit earlier will enable you to wake up sooner than you have been, so you can give yourself the gift of 10 to 20 minutes to yourself.

You might create a new morning pattern or routine with those in your household, that provides you with some precious quiet time for yourself.

You might decide that a current habit can be replaced, that will support a quiet, focused mind. (For me, switching away from listening to news first thing in the morning, and instead choosing music I was in the mood for, made a wonderful difference.)

If you want more ideas, I have a lovely guide, Creating Space for YOU, to help you do just that. Just email me and I will get it right off to you,

2. Choose how to center yourself.

You might write in a journal.

You can quietly list things for which you are grateful.

You might want to move your body in a particular way — doing yoga poses, moving through a quick workout, taking a walk outside.

With some focus established, you will be ready to think about your day with quiet energy and sharper perspective.

3. Set your intention.

Setting a clear intention for yourself makes great things possible.

Your intention could be to move thoughtfully through your day, rather than rushing and reacting.

You might intend to show up boldly in a conversation, or get something specific accomplished with focus and ease.

You might intend to sustain a positive frame of mind all day.

You might intend to ask for help for a matter that has challenged you, or to make something easier to accomplish.

Your intention may well include several components.

The key is to be loving to yourself as you set intentions that will support you to have the best day you can.

You are responsible for your experiences

When you set the stage for quiet, intentional thinking each morning, and do as much as you can to follow through on the intentions you set, you will see meaningful changes unfold in your life.

You have this opportunity.

You have the power to bring change into your life, to live in a sustainable way, that enables you to thrive.

You can make the most of 2023 and step into a new year with clear energy, sharp focus, greater clarity and deep enthusiasm.

That is what being a creator of your life, living big, is all about.

If you want to talk about how you can begin to make significant change in your life, I may be able to help.

The best way to start is to book a quick intro call with me.

You are under no pressure, no obligation. I promise only an honest conversation where you can talk about the deep desires you have for your life and what's in the way for you now. I can share fresh insight and perspective, and tell you about programs I offer that may be a fit for you.

Email me, or find a time on my calendar here.