The surprising key to growth and self-love

Saturday was Yom Kipur, a high holy day on the Jewish calendar that is a day of repentance for ways we each missed the mark in the year past.  

And who of us has not missed the mark? 

I spent the day in deep contemplation, supported by magnificent music and moved by prayers that ranged from sobering to uplifting. 

The entire congregation committed to living with awareness and prayed to be written into the book of life for the year ahead.

And at our synagogue we take a break between the morning and afternoon services. There is a panel discussion where four congregants speak on a topic. Past topics have included social justice, personal journeys, family histories, and more. 

This year’s panel topic was failure.

Each speaker shared an experience of failure and what happened afterwards, or what they learned. 

We all experience failure

Had I been asked to speak publicly about failure in my life, I would have thought long and hard about which failure to share. There have been countless times I felt like a failure, and many times when I failed in ways that others could clearly see. 

It is unsettling and uncomfortable to think about failure.

And yet, we have all experienced it, and in looking back we can consider how we moved on and what we learned. We can also think about how we might face inevitable failures in the future.

This resource can lessen the sting of failure

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for a while, you are aware that I teach that practicing self-love provides a foundation for living your best life.

While self-love is a big topic (you can find several past blog posts on the subject here), let’s talk about how self-love supports you when you fail — whether that is failing to meet your own expectations or failing at a task, in a job, in a relationship, or any other way.

When you build a solid foundation of love for yourself, you acknowledge and believe in all of your gifts. You are able to be less harsh with yourself.

If you do your best and fall short you can be more self-forgiving.

And if you have a more painful or serious failure, a strong foundation of self-love enables you to acknowledge the lapse, do what you can to make amends, and commit to ways you will make changes and move forward.

How will you move on from failure?

Because we are all imperfect, we will all fall short from time to time.

We will all fail.

If you can see each failure as an opportunity to learn something new — about yourself, or a new way to approach a problem, or that there are new possibilities you had not considered, or that there are new skills you can learn, or that there is help you can tap in the future — you will see that failure can take you to new and better places.

Failures can lead you to a brighter future.

It all depends on how you choose to think about and respond to them.

My failures, as painful as many have been, became valuable resources for me when I learned to mine them for insight rather than sit with pain and remorse. 

I wish you a year of health, joy, and growth, supported by abundant self-love.