Take time to reflect

In the midst of this busy season, most of us have a packed schedule.

And lots of people wait until the new year rolls around to look ahead, make a resolution or two, and hope for good things to happen.

I get it. Carving out time for reflection can seem hard, or may feel selfish — particularly when the calendar is filled.

I invite you to consider the gifts that can emerge when you devote even a small bit of quiet time to reflect.

Take a few minutes for yourself 

Set aside a few minutes today — maybe over lunch, or before bed would be a good time to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for yourself.

Pull out a journal, paper or a laptop, and have your calendar handy. Then choose one or more of these questions to explore.

1. Look back at your year and see what you can celebrate about yourself.

Here are some questions you might ask:

  • Were there times when you were brave, or dared to be bold? 

  • When did you have an impact that was meaningful?

  • Did you accomplish something you would not have expected? 

  • When did your generosity have meaning for someone?

2. Look for lessons learned.

We learn valuable lessons in many ways. One way you may not have considered is to think about challenges you took on, or challenges that showed up this past year, that contributed to your path of success. 

See what you can spot. Can you feel gratitude for outcomes that those challenges led to in your life?

3. Look for things you want to emphasize next year, or let go of.

Perhaps there was an experience that opened your heart in a new way, or a person you got to know well and enjoyed, or a place you spent time that was especially meaningful. 

Note things you want more of next year.

Think, too, about things you want less of, or things you are ready to release.

Perhaps there are things you said “Yes” to that you didn’t like doing, or that have run their course. Maybe there are habits of thinking you are ready to shift away from. Maybe you want a change in a relationship.

By reflecting and taking note, you can set intentions for next year.

You can consider ways to make the positive things a meaningful part of your life in 2024.

And you can intentionally clear space for more positivity when you set clear intentions to release what does not make you happy.

Do it again!

Why not set aside a few minutes every other day for the rest of this month for some quiet reflection? Start with the suggestions above, and add to ways of mining the past year as new perspectives come to mind.

As you look back and consider your year in 2023, you will be likely to notice many things that will help you move into 2024 with more clarity, awareness and intention.

And if you want to share, I would be delighted to hear about the insights you discover. Email me.

Why love matters now

Love is always important. It is always needed. And it feels to me that a focus on love is especially important now.

Love starts with us

How do you feel and hold love in your heart?

Think about love for yourself as well as love for others — those you know, and those you do not know.

Self-love is something many people overlook, or feel awkward about. Yet when you focus on loving yourself — thinking lovingly about yourself, feeling deserving, acting lovingly toward yourself when you take exquisite care of your body and your spirit — your heart opens.

And when your heart opens, more love is available for you to express to others.

How do you speak about love, in your own thoughts and in conversations?

There are many ways to think lovingly and to express yourself lovingly. 

Pay attention to times you may berate yourself. When you spot such a thought or comment, do your best to reframe it — turn it around and restate it with love.

And look for opportunities to speak lovingly to others, and about others. Loving thoughts and comments are generous. They are free of judgement. 

It may take some practice, but when you bring awareness to your thoughts and ways of speaking, you will spot opportunities to bring more love into many moments.

How can you bring more love into your heart, your spirit and the world around you?

There are countless opportunities to amplify love. See how many ways you can create love today.

Loving gestures, comments, and actions can be small and subtle, or bigger and more dramatic. Any and all ways you make an effort to create more love will be a gift to yourself and to all of humanity.

When we love more, love expands everywhere

I hope you will join me and make love a significant focus, today and every day.

You will benefit and those around you will, too.

As those around you tune in to the vibrations of love, they will feel it and spread love. The recipients, in turn, will touch others.

The ripple effects will spread way beyond what you may ever see. And that is great.

When we all live with more love, we will all contribute to a world that needs that  loving energy.

Listen with an open heart

When you cultivate self-awareness wonderful things can happen.

This takes time and focus, because it is easy to slide into automatic ways of looking at and thinking about things, and automatic ways of being.

Let’s explore one way to bring intentionality to your relationships, that goes beyond the typical way so many people interact when in conversations.

The two questions below can be considered in terms of exchanges in your personal relationships as well as in professional interactions.

How closely do you listen? 

Listening sounds easy — after all, we listen to people all day every day.

And, in many cases we miss a lot, because most of us listen superficially.

When we fail to slow our busy minds down and bring our focus to the person we are with, we miss the opportunity to listen deeply with an open heart.

If, instead, we listen actively, with intention and care and with a loving heart, the person with whom we are in conversation will feel that presence. They are likely to share more fully and honestly.

And whatever way they may share, we can hear so much more by listening deeply. We are able to pick up more than we typically would, tuning in to more nuances, and gaining more insight from the emotion we are able to feel.

We can sometimes even listen for and hear things that are not being articulated in words. We can tune into messages that come across in the tone of voice, in body language, and messages transmitted via the energy of the person who is sharing with us. We may even hear things that are hidden behind the words — fears or concerns or shame that are embedded in the actual statements.

When we listen deeply and hear so much, we can connect and engage with the other person in ways that go way beyond what we would otherwise be able to contribute had we been listening more superficially.

And this way of listening also validates the speaker. They know they are being heard.

Do you bring judgement to what you hear?

One perspective that is meaningful to try and hold, when you listen with focus and care, is to connect to the loving essence of that person.

It is all too common to let judgment slide into our thinking when we listen — judgements that may be subtle or harsh.

Noticing subtle judgements can be particularly challenging. And harsher judgements, if we are aware we are making them, often feel justifiable. 

If you are listening and realize you are judging, you might ask for a pause, so you can take a moment to release the judgement before inviting the person to continue speaking.

The ability to listen without judgement keeps our hearts open. This is a gift we can give the person to whom we are listening, and also a meaningful gift we can give ourselves.

Be patient with yourself

If you choose to bring the awareness of active, non-judgemental listening into your conversations, you may find it takes a bit of practice to do it with ease. I have found that the rewards of building this practice are wonderful, and invite you to join me in cultivating this awareness.

Each conversation you have is an opportunity for understanding and respect, whether you and the other party ultimately find agreement or not. 

Of course, when you do complete a conversation in agreement it feels great.

When that is not the outcome, knowing that you have had a deeply meaningful conversation free of judgement opens the door to acceptance. Ideally you will both be able to agree to disagree, or move ahead in tandem. And if that is not the case, you are likely to feel better because you were able to be open and loving.

Each time we lovingly listen we contribute loving energy into the world.

The more love we generate, the more healing and connection there will be in the world.

Finding your way through difficult times

There are times when we all feel a bit raw, tender, maybe emotional.

In my case, I am focused on time I spent with my father over the weekend. At age 97, there have been significant changes in his stamina and ability to converse each time I fly to Philadelphia to visit him. I was there mid-summer and 4 weeks ago. The shifts I saw this time were striking. My next visit will be in a week. I find myself thinking about him no matter what is going on.

There are many matters that can impact us like this.

News of external world events is making many people feel raw.

You may be facing challenges or thinking about any number of things that pull on your heart as you move through your days.

And, life goes on.

We show up — sometimes with less focus or consistency than we’d wish.

How to move ahead when your heart aches

Our hearts are amazing repositories — of love, of strength, of wisdom.

It is in quietly going into your heart that you can find solace, insights, and sometimes even answers.

Try using these 5 steps:

1. Quietly sit in silence and feel into your heart.

2. Focus on connecting to love. 

That love is powerful in myriad ways.

When you connect to love, when you trust its power, you can build trust in yourself to navigate through the challenges.

3. Trust that you have this.

Trust that loving actions you take and thoughts you think will be felt by people around you and can have a profound impact. Sometimes you will see evidence of the impact. Many times you will be unaware of how the vibrations of loving energy touch and influence others.

Trust that when love is felt by others, much is possible that is beyond what we can imagine right now.

Trust that you will have all that you need to move ahead. Trust yourself to reach out for help and support. Trust yourself to allow your intuition to guide you. Trust yourself to feel all of your feelings and know that you will be ok.

4. Release any grip you may feel — fear, tension, anxiety.

Come back to love and to trust. Ask for help to release your grip if that’s what you need. Be patient and take one step at a time in the direction that matters most.

5. Stay in the present moment and focus on love, again and again.

You may find that a walk in nature, or sitting with hands on your heart, or listening to music that elevates your emotions helps you to stay present and keep your focus on love. You may want to reach out to someone, or you may prefer to be alone.

Then think about the next thing to do, and thoughtfully make your best choice about the action you will take.

Remember to acknowledge and love yourself — for simply being you, and for your ability to Live Big no matter what is happening in your life.

A journey to abundance

If you saw my blog post last week, you know I was away. I hope you enjoyed the photo of the gorgeous landscape I shared, that I got to savor every day that I was in Texas.

For four big days there I was on a “mini-sabbatical” with my coach and a fantastic group of people in my mastermind group. The theme we dove deep to explore was “abundance as a way of being.” 

We started by digging into how our beliefs have been shaped about three big aspects of abundance — time, money and love — seeing many ways that we have each lived with scarcity and how limiting that has been. 

We defined abundance for ourselves, and had deep somatic and energetic experiences to anchor to the embodiment of abundance. We played, too, and did wonderful creative work to express and bring home visual reminders for ourselves. (As you can imagine, I loved this!)

And on the final afternoon, we went into the nearest town, in groups of 4, to share love and bring generosity into the world. This was a highlight of my experience — helping people load groceries in the Walmart parking lot; buying large bouquets and giving people roses to brighten their day; choosing socks, bibs, teething rings and other baby gear to donate at the Good Will store; stopping at a cemetery to leave flowers on graves.

The outcome of this time away and all I soaked in is a far deeper level of inspiration, insight and self-trust, knowing that abundance is a mindset that informs the way I live each day.

My daily morning practice of gratitude, meditation, reflection and writing is now infused with a focus on serving, and building more ease receiving. I am also clear about the people I want to be with, whose energy and spirit lift and inspire me.

How can you live abundantly today?

Perhaps you will step into your garden and marvel at the beauty of nature.

Maybe you will surprise someone with a call or note to tell them you appreciate them.

If you notice thoughts rooted in doubt or scarcity, intentionally reframe those thoughts.

Can you think of something simple to do for yourself? It could be to pause and make a cup of tea, to savor a flavor you love. You might get to bed earlier, or listen to great music while you attend to a task.

If you notice negativity in someone near you, can you make a choice to limit that contact, or process what they are saying and doing differently?

Doing small things like these can shift your energy and your thoughts in meaningful ways.

And the more you bring this kind of awareness into your life the bigger the shifts will be.

I welcome you to share your thoughts, challenges, questions and desires about living your most abundant life on a call with me.

Email me, or find a date on my calendar and we can chat (there’s no cost or obligation!).

Finding peace in uncertain times

We are living through a tense, tender time that is full of uncertainty. Most of us feel fear, anxiety and sadness, and are looking for the best ways to cope as events unfold. 

About a year ago I wrote a post about choices, and choosing happiness. My point was that we always have choices about how we respond to events and situations. In that post I shared a graphic to help bring awareness to what is in one’s control — and what is not.

This seemed like an excellent time to share that graphic again — this time to support us as so many feel despair and helplessness.

My hope is that by being clear about what we can control, and what is outside of our control, we can take action to support our wellbeing.

You have more agency than you may think

As the graphic below shows, we cannot control the actions of others, what happens around us, or the future.

The first two things we can control, as listed in the graphic, relate to our emotions. And at this time, when emotions are high and often feel hard to manage, there are several ways we can support ourselves.

• Your thoughts and actions

When your thoughts spin down to fear and anxiety, the stress that builds in your system pulls you ever lower.

Rather than living with despair and having that pressure build, you can express the emotions you feel, to release their intensity.

Creating is an excellent outlet for managing emotions of all kinds.

Whether you choose making art (it can be soothing or harsh), dancing, kneading dough to release pent up emotions, or singing loudly in your car, any way to express your difficult emotions through a creative act will be helpful.

Consider the stimuli you choose for your thoughts. 

As you may recall, I have shared that last year I stopped listening to news at the start of each day. Instead I choose some music to soothe me, or energize me, or lighten my heart, as I get dressed each morning. I highly recommend this practice!

Actions such as writing in a journal, going for a run or doing yoga, meditating, and keeping a gratitude journal are also great practices to bring into your day. They will impact your thoughts and thus the actions you take.

• What you give your energy to

Rather than allowing your energy to be focused on anger, criticality or bitterness, shifting it to positive actions and thoughts will make a tremendous difference.

When you are intentional about how you exert your energy you will be less likely to slide into negativity and distress.

You can choose to direct your energy toward connecting to people with kind hearts.

You can direct your energy to accomplishing tasks that are meaningful, enriching and inspiring — for you and others.

You can bring loving energy to each interaction, conversation and action you take.

Let’s all live with intention 

Whatever is going on in the world, we live each day. When we each live our best lives, contribute our gifts and talents, and lead with love and kindness, we are doing good.

This world needs as much of that goodness as we can collectively offer.

I am listening to John Lennon's Imagine on repeat — to stay inspired and to believe that peace is possible.

You may say I am a dreamer, but I know that I'm not the only one.

Slow down to find clarity

Perhaps the weather is finally getting more seasonally cool where you are, as it is here in Boston. The fall season brings many things to mind.

Like many people, I am thinking about how I want to make the most of the final quarter of this year. 

And with lots of big ideas percolating, it would be easy for me to drive myself hard. After all, there are barely 12 weeks until 2024 gets underway.

For most of my life I was focused on pushing myself. It was such a “normal” way for me to live and work that I never considered the possibility of a different approach to my life.

What about you?

Is constant pushing your “normal”? 

If it is, does it make you happy?

Do you hold the belief that it’s the only way to get things done and achieve?

What if there is another way?

I have been learning to slow down for over a decade! 

I have become keenly aware that, for me, being thoughtful and taking intentional, clear action works much better than plowing frantically through my days.

Going more slowly to get more done, and to be more satisfied with my work and my life, was counterintuitive when my first coach introduced the concept to me.

Being willing to try it, finding ways to experience more satisfaction and accomplishment, and consistently practicing over time has made a huge difference in my life.

I am clear about the benefits of living and working without “push energy” — that I had thought was the only way to succeed. (I, like most of us, had internalized the way our culture glorifies and celebrates hard, hard work). 

My new approach has proven to be remarkably beneficial.

3 steps you can try for yourself

Rather than plowing through your days, living with stress, and collapsing in exhaustion, here is a way to start approaching your life differently that you can explore.

1. Make a small shift to create space for you to “be.”

When you start your day with space for thinking, feeling and intentional planning, many things will start to change.

Even if you have kids to get to school or other demands on your time, think about adjustments you can make to start your day in a new way.

You might realize that getting to bed a bit earlier will enable you to wake up sooner than you have been, so you can give yourself the gift of 10 to 20 minutes to yourself.

You might create a new morning pattern or routine with those in your household, that provides you with some precious quiet time for yourself.

You might decide that a current habit can be replaced, that will support a quiet, focused mind. (For me, switching away from listening to news first thing in the morning, and instead choosing music I was in the mood for, made a wonderful difference.)

If you want more ideas, I have a lovely guide, Creating Space for YOU, to help you do just that. Just email me and I will get it right off to you,

2. Choose how to center yourself.

You might write in a journal.

You can quietly list things for which you are grateful.

You might want to move your body in a particular way — doing yoga poses, moving through a quick workout, taking a walk outside.

With some focus established, you will be ready to think about your day with quiet energy and sharper perspective.

3. Set your intention.

Setting a clear intention for yourself makes great things possible.

Your intention could be to move thoughtfully through your day, rather than rushing and reacting.

You might intend to show up boldly in a conversation, or get something specific accomplished with focus and ease.

You might intend to sustain a positive frame of mind all day.

You might intend to ask for help for a matter that has challenged you, or to make something easier to accomplish.

Your intention may well include several components.

The key is to be loving to yourself as you set intentions that will support you to have the best day you can.

You are responsible for your experiences

When you set the stage for quiet, intentional thinking each morning, and do as much as you can to follow through on the intentions you set, you will see meaningful changes unfold in your life.

You have this opportunity.

You have the power to bring change into your life, to live in a sustainable way, that enables you to thrive.

You can make the most of 2023 and step into a new year with clear energy, sharp focus, greater clarity and deep enthusiasm.

That is what being a creator of your life, living big, is all about.

If you want to talk about how you can begin to make significant change in your life, I may be able to help.

The best way to start is to book a quick intro call with me.

You are under no pressure, no obligation. I promise only an honest conversation where you can talk about the deep desires you have for your life and what's in the way for you now. I can share fresh insight and perspective, and tell you about programs I offer that may be a fit for you.

Email me, or find a time on my calendar here

It’s time to be bold!

One big way to Live Big is to be bold.

There is a chapter in my book about why being bold is so meaningful and how to bring more boldness into your life.

And, being bold is not a simple thing for many of us to consider and embrace. 

Boldness is a topic I have been focused on lately, in my life and in my work with clients. That focus led me to create a new keynote entitled, Embrace Your Bold: Amplify Your Voice and Increase Your Impact.

To present this hour-long talk, I went deep into what bold really is and how we can each build our bold. It was a great journey for me, and I have loved sharing it with audiences.

And while I cannot share all of the content of my talk here, I want to give you a few key points, as well as a take-away that I hope you will find inspiring.

What does bold really mean?

Most people have preconceived ideas about what “bold” is, and what it looks like. It’s important to know that being bold— whether that feels great to you or off-putting — does not mean the same thing, and is not the same, for everyone. 

My definition of bold used to include being loud, brash, and fearless. (And not being a loud, brash, or fearless person, I long struggled with the idea of being bold, much less how to be bold.)

What I have come to understand is that one can be bold and present quietly. One can be bold and serious. Introverts, extroverts and ambiverts, those filled with wit and those lacking humor, can all be bold.

Bold is a completely personal set of beliefs and understandings of what’s bold for YOU.

Faking bold does not work

Because many people have a concept of boldness that does not match who they are, they try and fake being bold (as they think bold is supposed to look).

If you have tried to fake boldness — as I did in the past — you have likely concluded that it does not work very well.

In addition to feeling awkward (or worse), when you try to be someone you are not it rarely comes across to others in the way you want.

The key is to embrace your authentic way of being bold. When you do that people will sense it and be responsive.

Here’s a great first step to try

To find and embrace your unique bold entails a multi-step process that I teach in my keynote.

And, here is one thing you can do today, that will help you to gently usher in boldness. 

Take one tiny step that is outside of your comfort zone.

That’s all! 

What is one small thing can you do that is beyond the edge of where you feel comfortable?

  • It could be planning how you might approach a delicate conversation.

  • You might wear a piece of clothing in a color you love but have hesitated to put on.

  • Maybe you will propose an agenda item for an upcoming meeting that you have been thinking about but not acted on.

  • You might ask someone for help.

  • Maybe you will tell someone how much they mean to you.

Choose one thing and do it.

Be your bold!

When you take one very small new step today, and continue to do that every day, you will soon find that this gentle practice builds your bold.

Your authentic bold will start shining, and will continue to get brighter as you go!

I would be delighted to hear from you when you bring this idea into daily practice. Email me to let me know how it goes.

You are worthy of self-love

If you have been a reader of my Big Ideas for a while, or have heard me speak about Living Big, the concept of Self-Love will likely sound familiar.

Maybe you bring awareness of Self-Love into your days, and have made space for practices to build Self-Love.

If so, that’s great! I deeply believe that Self-Love is a foundation for living your biggest, best life.

And, there is more to this topic than you may be aware.

Why Self-Love matters

When you love yourself — which is not selfish! — you take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You honor yourself. You set and hold standards that are aligned with your values. You have more compassion for yourself. 

When the voices of your Self-Critic intrude (as they do, for all of us), you are less likely to be limited by a sense of being an imposter, or being inclined to be perfectionistic, or procrastinating, or feeling inadequate when comparing yourself to others, or being immobilized by fear. When any of these self-critical voices show up, having a base of strong Self-Love provides you with a counter-narative that can quiet those voices.

(Those voices will never go away completely, but you will be amazed at how much easier it will be to manage your Self-Critic.)

The more Self-Love you cultivate, allowing you to quiet the Self-Critic, the less stress you will experience and the more confident you’ll feel.

The best part? You will experience more happiness!

What Self-Love actually means

I often teach about these important dimensions of Self-Love:

  • Self-Love means feeling deserving and worthy — of goodness in every aspect of your life.

  • Self-Love means believing in yourself, owning your unique and amazing gifts.

  • Self-Love means taking exquisite care of yourself. Think about how well you nourish yourself, if you are getting ample rest, how you nurture your body in ways you enjoy, and more.

  • Self-Love means devoting time to you — to be quiet, to do things you love, to honor and nurture your spirit. 

And, to consistently do these things takes focus.

How to practice Self-Love — including a great new idea!

I often share ways to actively cultivate Self-Love. Here are some basic approaches:

  • A seemingly simple practice is to smile at yourself in the mirror each morning and evening. It may feel awkward, but stay with it. Gently and tenderly gazing at yourself with love makes a wonderful difference.

  • Create a ritual for self-reflection. You might choose journal-writing, spending time in nature to reflect, expressing yourself creatively, or another way that makes you happy.

  • Schedule time to do things you love, for the pure pleasure of it!

  • Set aside ample time for wonderful self-care.

  • Make dates to be with people you truly enjoy.

The new suggestion I have is one I slowly came to realize is an excellent way to nurture Self-Love:

Ask for help!

This concept may not sound obvious. (It did not for me until recently.) 

Learning to ask for help has been part of my personal journey to Living Big. Only recently did I “connect the dots” and realize that every time I ask for help I am honoring and loving myself.

How is asking for help self-loving?

Each time I get help I create space for more of what I love to do or experience, or for doing things that are in my “zone of genus.” 

I reduce stress.

Things get done faster than if I handle them myself.

Some things get done much better than I am able to do them.

I get inspiration and leverage the genius of others, so that the quality and outcomes of my efforts are enhanced.

I also experience the pleasure that others get when they help me. (Because so many people love to help others!)

To the last point, there are countless people who want to help you — friends, family members, colleagues, and people you hire. 

We are not meant to do everything ourselves. Embracing this truth and reaching out for help is a wonderful way to honor and love yourself.

I have tested it for you and can attest to it!

Please share your Self-Love stories

I would be delighted to hear about how you practice Self-Love and the outcomes you are noticing. Email me, and if you have questions or struggle with this practice, tell me about that, too.

New beginnings: create your best life!

It is a delight to welcome many who have just started receiving my Big Ideas. I am so pleased to welcome these great women.

This past weekend I celebrated Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. The focus of this High Holy Day runs deeper than our secular new year.

On Rosh Hashanah we celebrate the creation of the world and welcome a sweet new year. We are also introspective, as this holiday starts a 10-day period during which we reflect on the ways we fell short in the past year. We pray for forgiveness and to be “written into the book of life” for the year ahead.

The idea that we have a new start, one filled with opportunity to be self-aware and to live with clear intention truly inspires me.

We can start anew each day

Holidays of many kinds offer is the opportunity to take note, reflect, celebrate, and some invite us to consider some change we might make.

In fact, every fresh new day is an invitation to be grateful, to bring awareness to how we are living, and to do something new or different.

Rather than living on autopilot, why not set an intention at the start of each day?

You might create a small morning ritual to reflect and consider what new action or way of being you want to make a focus of your day. 

Your ritual can include a few minutes to write in a journal. It might include lighting a candle and sitting quietly. It might be taking a walk to reflect on nature. Create what works for you!

Just make one small change today

If you have been a reader here, or have heard me speak, you know that I believe in the power of implementing small changes.

As you embark on a morning practice or ritual, it is key to bear that in mind.

Rather than aiming to make a sweeping change, think of making a very small shift — in thought and/or action. 

Need ideas to spark your heart?

On some days you may be very clear about your focus for the day ahead. On others, you may be less clear and feel unsure what focus will support you to have your best day.

And while you may want to stick with one focus for a period of time, you might choose to change your focus as outside circumstances, inner desires, or new possibilities prompt you to make different choices.

Any way you bring awareness and commitment to your day is great.

Consider these possibilities:

• Choose to add curiosity

Bringing more curiosity into your day is always a great idea. Curiosity can be applied in countless ways. Ask more questions in conversations and listen with care. Bring a curious mind to explorations of possibilities and solutions. Be curious about underlying motivations — your own and those of others.

• Choose to cultivate patience 

Set an intention to sit with discomfort when things do not happen as quickly as you’d like, or when you have an impulse to plow ahead without full consideration of a matter, or when others are unresponsive. 

• Choose to be more loving

Think about how you might love yourself more. Maybe you will be more self-forgiving, or pause to eat a more nutritious meal mid-day. And, how might you love others more fully, though acts of kindness, or helping someone, or even in your thoughts?

• Choose to be more trusting

You can actively trust yourself and the decisions you make. You can be more trusting of others, too. That awareness of trust will automatically prompt you to be more thoughtful as you move through your day.

• Choose to show up a bit more boldly

What one small way can you be more bold today — in a way that feels authentic for you? Try something small, such as asking someone you trust to listen to an idea you’ve had and not yet dared to share. Post about something you believe in or matters to you on LinkedIn, so people get to see an aspect of you they haven’t known about. Even something as small as making a clothing change that shows your real personality can be a good way to start being bolder.

• Choose to celebrate yourself

I suggest you make this idea a part of every day! Acknowledge yourself for creating a daily ritual, for taking thoughtful actions, for each small — and big — thing you contribute to, or initiate, or see through in your day. As my clients and audiences know, I think saying a spirited “YAY ME!” at each of these moments is a powerful practice to make part of your life!

We get to create our lives each day

New beginnings are wonderful — and holidays that highlight the start of a new year, whether religious or secular, are a gift.  

Knowing that we can make each and every day a new start, that we can fill each day with awareness, and make commitments to ourselves for how we want to live our biggest best day, fills me with inspiration.

I hope it does you, as well.

Take a moment to imagine your life a year from today, having made clear commitments to Live Big each day.

Savor that vision, and commit to making it your reality.

I am always happy to connect with you, to hear about your deep desires for a life that fulfills you, and help you gain clarity and insight about what is limiting you now, and what is possible. Email me — and we’ll make a date to talk.

Unlock the power of daily reflection.

Most of us launch into our days, moving through a brisk morning routine and then attending meetings and handling tasks and projects that fill our packed calendars. We end the day only to start again the next morning.

In the midst of a busy life, it’s easy to loose sight of the opportunity we each have to pause, reflect and make simple choices that can have a big positive impact.

Three questions you can ask yourself today

If, instead of moving from one thing to the next as quickly as possible, you choose to briefly stop, breathe quietly for a minute ot two, and then ask yourself a good question, you can change the tone and intensity of any busy day.

Here are questions you may want to choose from:

1. What one thing really matters now?

When you choose this question and focus on the top thing that matters most right now, you are able to bring both awareness and clarity to your day. Your attention will no longer be splattered.

This pause enables you to consider how you might reshuffle other things on the calendar if that is needed, or who you can ask to help you, or what resources are available that you had not considered as you rushed though the day.

2. What will me happy now?

It’s easy to forget that you deserve to be happy, and that there is always an opportunity to have moments of pleasure in your life — even when things are busy!

This is not a frivolous or selfish thing to make a priority, It is self-loving. And when you honor yourself by choosing to inject happiness into your day, you put positive fuel in your engine.

  • Maybe a quick text or call to someone special will lift your spirits. 

  • Maybe a short walk in nature, or a stop at a lovely cafe will give you a boost. 

  • Maybe planning something special you can look forward to doing at the end of your day will light up your heart.

3. What promise can I make to myself now?

This question offers you a terrific opportunity to reflect on something you want to commit to — for yourself, for your wellbeing.

Tap your heart and find something that you want.

Keep in mind that small desires are a great for two reasons — they matter, and they will not make you feel overwhelmed.

Here are some prompts that may get you started:

  • You might promise yourself to get to bed a little earlier. 

  • You might promise yourself to ask for something you have held back on requesting.

  • You might promise yourself to be kinder — to yourself or someone else. 

  • You might promise yourself to follow through on a task you have been avoiding.

  • You might promise yourself to be a bit bolder today.

  • You might promise yourself to start planning an adventure you have been longing to take.

This small daily practice can bring big shifts

We tend to underestimate the significant impact that small actions can have.

You may want to remind yourself to ask one of these questions each day (and you may have other questions you want to add).

Why not download this graphic, print it, and use it as a reminder?

I’d be happy to hear about how this practice works for you.

And I am always happy to talk about how you want to Live Big.

Email me today! 

When we remember we connect

I am writing this post while away. I am on a trip with my family in Germany, where we came to see the birthplace of my dear mother-in-law, Ruth.

Having come here for the first time 6 years ago with my husband, we traveled back to show our sons and our small grandchildren the village where Ruth lived before the awful events of Kristallnacht in 1938.

Three months later, in February 1939, she was sent away on the Kindertransport. Her widowed mother sent her off, at age 13, to save her life.

Miraculously, Ruth made it to the US and was eventually able to locate her mother and 2 sisters, who had survived the war. (She lost two brothers, and countless other family members.)

Ruth rarely spoke about her childhood. Her mother and sisters, who Ruth and her husband eventually brought to the States, were also reluctant to talk about the past. As we stood on her street, and visited Ruth’s father’s gravestone (my husband’s grandfather’s resting place) in the tiny Jewish cemetery outside the village, we felt transported to a long-ago past.

The emotions of this trip are taking us all to deep places in our hearts.

We are so grateful for the opportunity to connect our children to a heritage that goes back 400 years here (which we now know about thanks to the incredible work of a local historian and archivist). While our grandchildren may not remember their visit, they will have photos to remind them of what they saw and felt here.

My wish for you is to feel the connection to all of the people you love — those who are alive, those you have loved and lost, and those who came before them.

We are each the living legacy of so many people who came before us. 

What future are you choosing?

Have you ever paused to think that you choose your future every day?

Your decisions, your choices, and the actions you take each day have a tremendous impact on the life you will lead down the road.

Are you a drifter?

Sadly, most people drift through their lives. When I look back I see all the ways I had drifted for a long time.

Yes, I made some bold decisions. Some of the important ones, in addition to choosing the partner to spend my life with and deciding to have children, were leaving a corporate job to start my first business; deciding not to relocate for a job that was going to pay me handsomely, but upon reflection I realized would not make me happy; and my most recent great decision — to sell my business, explore, and find a new direction that I would really love.

I was focused about making each of those decisions.

And, I know that I lived much of my life without focusing intentionally.

For years I moved on autopilot through daily routines.

I kept up with demands and put out fires. I frequently said yes to requests without thinking about the “opportunity cost” of those yesses.

I rarely stopped to consider the ways I was living and where those ways of living were taking me — until I had my big wake-up call (to sell my business in 2011).

It was then that I realized that I had the opportunity to make thoughtful, careful, well-considered decisions all the time. 

What I learned was that each of my decisions leads me to a life that I create, rather than living by default as I had for so long.

What future are you choosing?

Your choices point you in a direction, which is why it is worth considering the choices you make.

Are your choices aligned with what really matters to you?

Think about choices like:

  • who you spend time with

  • what you listen to and read

  • how you spend your free time

  • how you show up in the world — from the clothes you wear to what you say (and do not say)

Think about how clear you are about what you want. This will let you live with a vision to guide you, so you can more easily live with intention.

And think about how clear — and how big — your vision is.

What choices are you making today?

Sit with that question for a few minutes. Consider your choices, and how they line up with your dreams.

Jot down lots of your choices — like those related to the people in your life, your habits (that may or may not be ideal), the responsibilities and opportunities that your have taken on or are considering now, and more.

When you see them clearly noted on paper, you can assess whether they are positive and affirming, or if there are things you want to change.

Your next step (that will now be easier to implement) is to be more self-aware as you consider all of your daily choices, and the bigger choices and decisions that are right for you.

Watch for significant rewards!

As you build your awareness and choose carefully, things will begin to change in marvelous was.

And when more of us live with intention, choosing with care and moving in directions that are fully fulfilling, more lives will change for the better. More of us will be happy and energized, and people around us will feel and see it!

We can impact our families, our communities, our workplaces and beyond!

My vision is for accomplished women everywhere to boldly step into their power, make great choices so they show up with clarity and passion and realize all that is possible for them.

I see legions of women leading and inspiring others in incredible ways.

Please join me! As each of you chose with intention and make your life the best it can be, this vision will grow organically.

I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds.



How to savor every day

Most of us focus on destinations, goals, and achievements.

What if you savored the journey?

What if you held the vision of that desired state and lived in each present moment?

This is why it’s great to focus on now

When your attention is fixed on a destination, you miss what is happening now — including new opportunities and great sensations.

When you live in the present, you appreciate all of your experiences as you move in the direction of your desired outcome.

What’s more, you can tune in to new possibilities and can gain fresh awareness of ways to support your goals.

And maybe best of all, you will have more fun!

Ready to give this new way of approaching your days a try?

How to stay in the present

It’s tempting to focus on the future. However, doing that often leads to thinking of a million what-ifs — which is not only stressful, it hijacks your attention and fragments your focus.

It’s also easy to look back and repeatedly rehash old experiences. While there are lessons to be learned from looking at the past, the rehashing usually hurts as you tend to focus on shortcomings and feelings of regret.

If you find yourself stuck in either of those states, try these ways to return to the present:

1. Be alert to your thoughts.

It can be helpful to jot notes about the times you fast-forward or dive back into examining past events.

Can you notice types of triggers that pull your attention away from what is happening now? Are there times of day, or specific people, or patterns you can become aware of?

Awareness can help you to avoid those situations — or spot them start early on. That's a great way to consciously bring your attention back to the present.

2. Observe what is happening now and create your response.  

Consider where you are and what’s going on around you. Choose the present as your focus, at least for a little while.

Think about where you have opportunities right now — like the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation, or to shift to a more positive approach, or to come up with a new idea.

Ask yourself if there might be a challenge to address that you may have been avoiding when you turned your attention to the future or the past..

Be thoughtful as you contemplate your options and make your best choices.

3. Appreciate and honor your emotions.

When you are present and feel excited and eager about what is happening, and all that is possible for you now, make the most of the energy. Let yourself fully enjoy what you are doing. Let that positive energy carry you!

If you find yourself feeling discomfort, or fear, or sadness, or stress, it may be tempting to try and ignore it.

A better approach is to let yourself feel the feelings for a little while, and then use those feelings as fuel for some type of creative expressions.

For some that's writing. For some it helps to dig in the dirt, or go for a run. Some people move their bodies to music, or hammer away in a workshop, or sing loudly in their car. (This may be a quick effort, or may need repeating until you feel the emotion has been released.)

Having expressed yourself to use your emotions, you are likely to feel lighter, ready to refocus on all the opportunities and possibilities in the present moment.

And speaking of opportunities, when you live in the present you will have many opportunities to appreciate yourself. Acknowledge yourself for each step you take, for noticing new possibilities and testing them, and for all of your progress (the small steps as well as bigger leaps).

Living in the present is a great way to Live Big.

It doesn't have to be hard to let go

Last week I wrote about letting go of physical clutter and emotional clutter. (If you missed it, you can check that out here.)

In addition to letting go of the things that clutter your environment, and the people and situations that drain your energy, I am thinking about the concept of letting go in a bigger, broader way. 

Consider this question:

What are you holding onto in your life and work that it may be time to let go of?

  • Perhaps you are holding onto the way your business is structured, because you have always worked that way, or because that’s the way everyone else does it.

  • Perhaps you are holding on to a seasonal ritual with family or friends because that’s what you always do, or because you think that’s what people expect you to do.

  • Perhaps you live — or work — in a place that does not make you happy anymore (or maybe has never made you happy), because it feels too hard to make a change.

Even if these examples do not resonate specifically for you, sit with the question and see if something comes to mind.

You deserve to be happy!

If you realize you have been holding on to something that is not ideal, your next thought may be, “Sure, but it’s ok.”

Or, you may think something like, “But what can I do about it?” or ”I don’t want to shake things up.”

I believe that life is too precious to compromise on your happiness.

You may not be considering that, by tolerating something that’s not working, or resisting making a change, you pay a price.

The energy you bring to your day-to-day life is dampened, dulled.

You may not even be consciously aware of the ways it adds stress, makes you feel pressured, causes frustration, or simply contributes to subtle discontentment.

Living that way is not fun for you, and it limits everything you do.

If one or more things come to mind, consider the upside of initiating a change.

When you let go, new possibilities show up

When you loosen your grip on maintaining the thing that you have been convinced is the way it has to be, or loosen your grip on the thing you now are aware you’ve been tolerating, things will shift.

Possibilities you may never have considered are likely to feel real.

So, what can it look like to loosen your grip?

1. Get curious!

Ask yourself questions like:

  • Why have I been holding tight to the belief that the way I run my business has to be the same as it has been? What could a different business model look like?

  • What beliefs might I let go of about my role in our annual family gatherings?

  • What would an ideal location be for me to feel happy every day? Do I need to stay in this city?

  • What might working for another company, or taking on a new or bigger role, be like?

  • What am I afraid of? What’s the worst possible outcome of a change? What’s the best possible outcome?

  • What if I doubted myself less and showed up in a bigger way?

2. Consider small steps to take.

Having identified something you want to change, and getting curious to open insights and ideas, it is time to take action.

(By the way, action is a great antidote to fear. The act of starting will build enthusiasm and reduce hesitation and doubt!)

Your initial action might be to talk to people who have done the thing you are considering, and learn from their experience.

You can generate lists of possibilities and see which are the most appealing, so you can begin to test them. 

You can set a vision of that new thing already having happened. Holding that vision will make you feel excited and motivated to take ongoing steps in that direction.

3. Build momentum.

Having put a plan in motion, stay committed to yourself — and keep the curiosity going.

You are likely to adjust your initial ideas and expand or redefine your vision as new possibilities, resources, and supporters show up.

As you pursue the thing your heart asked for, you are sure to show up more fully and bring more boldness into the ways you approach your life.

That’s what living big is all about.

Feel free to let me know about the change you feel called to consider, or one that you are in the midst of now. It’s easy — just email me.

What are you ready to let go of?

Are you holding on to things that no longer matter?

So many of us struggle to let go. There is so much we accumulate that we stop seeing and using.

We are surrounded by things we no longer need — and if we pause to consider, there’s usually a lot we no longer even want.

What things can you let go of now?

Physical clutter feels daunting to think about for many of us. When will we find the time and energy to tackle a closet that is packed, or a room with drawers and shelves that are overstuffed?

What if you chose to take a baby step?

What if you started with a single drawer or focused on one small thing?

Last week I scheduled a pick-up with a non-profit that takes used books and finds new homes for them. It was the perfect way to get motivated to look at shelves around the house and fill the requisite 7 small boxes with books to donate. 

In no time, I had selected old travel books, novels I had no interest in rereading, books related to my first business (that I sold in 2011!), cookbooks I haven't used in years or didn't really like, and more.

Having quickly filled the boxes, it was fun to readjust the shelves, now with breathing room for small objects and photos to be placed where they add delight.

The books are now out of my house and on their way to new homes. I feel more spacious and happy, having done just one small thing to clear my environment. 

Think about emotional clutter, too.

In addition to the tangible clutter in your home and office, that you can slowly address and let go of, consider emotional clutter. We all have some of that.

What have you been tolerating that drags you down emotionally and/or energetically?  

Perhaps there are people or situations in your life that drain your energy or impact your thinking in negative ways. 

Start by becoming aware of them. Perhaps writing in a journal will help you identify them, see their impact, and be more alert to where they interfere. 

With that awareness, you may naturally start to address, eliminate, or resolve them.

And if you choose not to actively do anything about them now, that’s fine. Having the awareness is a key first step.

Start with one small, specific step today

What one small thing can you commit to now?

It can be something as small as choosing a focal point to start in on — and setting a date to begin to address it.

You might journal about clutter for 15 minutes next weekend.

You might schedule a pick-up of clothes and household items for a local charity.

Whatever small step you take, you will have the satisfaction of having started.

Each baby step takes you a step closer to the spaciousness of a less-cluttered environment, and a less-cluttered mind.

In time, as your life becomes less cluttered, stress and anxiety will subside. You will feel pride about your accomplishments, and enjoy the bonus of enhanced self-esteem.

In short, you will feel happier! Imagine how great that will be.

Is it time to go deeper?

Here’s a question to consider:

When was the last time you stepped into something bigger and new, to explore something different or intriguing — even if you were a bit uncomfortable?

Late last year I decided to explore a new creative direction, not knowing if it would be great or a bust.

In late December I signed up to attend a weekend writing retreat. The focus was on writing "from the deep voice.” As much as I love writing my weekly Big Ideas, and had loved writing my book, this was a way of expressing myself that I’d never considered before. 

I was especially nervous because all of the other women at the retreat had been immersed in the work with this teacher for some time. 

Is it time to explore a deeper part of yourself?

As a coach who is passionate about the power of creativity and living a creative, BIG life (and a person who loves words), I listened to the whisper in my heart that was intrigued about what writing from the deep voice might be like.

I figured the upside was that I would have fun, and maybe even find a direction that would have meaningful resonance for me.

The worst thing that could happen would be I’d have spent 2 days doing something that did not excite me, and I might feel embarrassed that I was not “good at it.”

I said yes to the small whisper I heard — it was a “yes” to myself.

I said yes to trying something new in spite of my nervousness.

That weekend retreat opened up a path that has been exciting and enriching for me ever since.

In fact, a story I wrote was just published in an anthology, and I was part of a book-reading on Sunday at which 7 authors read their work, answered questions from the audience, and signed piles of books.

What is waiting for you if you say “Yes!”?

If you feel your heart asking for expansion, the timing is perfect.

You can get clear about the future you want to make your reality!

That may mean creating a life that feels exciting and supports your happiness and wellbeing.

It may mean courageously aiming to reach the next level in your career or business.

It may mean leaving a toxic work or personal situation with clarity and strength.

It may mean planning for the next phase of an evolving life — as you leave burnout behind, launch a new business, or step into a fulfilling retirement.

It may include building new levels of confidence to show up more fully and boldly, so you have your biggest impact.

It starts with one small, easy “Yes.”

This “Yes” does not call on bravery, and there’s no risk of embarrassment.

There’s also no cost, other than 30 minutes of your time for a call with me.

This call can open big possibility.

It’s an opportunity for us to have a meaningful conversation, and for you to gain insight and perspective about your life now, as well as your dreams.

And if you wish to hear about it, we can talk about Live Big Live! — the powerful, intimate, fun and life-changing retreat that is coming up this fall.

Email me, or schedule your call here.

(And if you want to learn about Writing from the Deep Voice, I would be happy to introduce you to my marvelous teacher, Leslie Berliant. Email me, and I’ll make an introduction. And you can check out the lovely anthology here.)

Are you ready to follow a new path?

Something big is starting soon.

It’s an opportunity for you to take a new step in your life.

Where are you now?

Perhaps you are at a crossroads.

Maybe new opportunities are available to you and you are unsure, or fearful, about how to proceed.

Maybe you know it’s time for a change in your life. Or you may feel stuck.

Maybe you know there's something bigger, something more that you yearn for — something that will make you feel lit up every day.

Maybe you are ready to leave stress behind and live a joyous life, one that sustains you financially and has space for your spirit to soar.

These questions may prompt you to think about your career, personal relationships, the day-to-day quality of your life, long-held dreams, or the next chapter you are ready to move into.

The change you yearn for is attainable!

As I personally experienced, and as I witness with great women like you all the time, there are key moments when we know a change is upon us.

Some of us hear a shout. Many of us hear a quiet whisper. We feel desire stirring, to leave the status quo behind and venture forward in a new way.

And if you are like I was, it may feel daunting to figure it all out. Looking back, I doubt I would have been able to find my new path on my own, much less start living the bigger life I relish now.

Having a guide to support me was crucial.

You, too, can be supported to step into your best life.

Say yes to yourself!

If you know it’s time to get on the path to a truly fulfilling future — getting clear about your vision and knowing how to create that life — you may feel excited to take a big leap. Or, you may want to take it slowly, with a series of small steps.

Both options are available to you. They both work.

The first step is to say “Yes!” to yourself.

The next step can be to explore the Live Big Live! program that has just opened for enrollment.

Click here to book a free call with me to see if the upcoming retreat may be right for you.

Let’s talk soon!


Read what past attendees of Live Big Live! have said — and check out some photos of the retreat experience:

“I said ‘yes’ to myself and I am so glad I did. I loved the experience. After a challenging year, I found self-forgivness. I feel unstuck! I opened my heart and I have hope! And I know I am headed for someplace good. This was a deep and meaningful experience!”

........

“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

........

“I was looking for personal development with a goal of improving my business results, and Rochelle turned out to be a wonderful resource to help me accomplish both. From setting a foundation of knowing more and celebrating more about myself through Enneagram studies, to building awareness of how limiting language and thoughts can bleed into our results, Rochelle offers a wide variety of tools that have helped unblock me time after time.

The results (so far!): my short, medium and long term visions are clear and exciting. I find myself taking steps forward daily that I would have avoided or put off in the past, and I am earning more money independently in my business than I ever earned from an employer. Life with Rochelle's guidance is truly a new, more joyful and fruitful way of living for me.”

........ 

“After the process we moved through, about knowing yourself and who you want to be in your life, and what you want to do and have, and watching all that unfold, it has really been spectacular.”

........

“This has been a tremendous gift to myself! I definitely recommend this program! You will come together with other women who are committed to the process. You will learn from everyone’s story and everyone’s journey. It’s so much more powerful than doing it alone. And you can go at your own pace. I made it part of my life, in the process before the retreat — and at the retreat. You incorporate it into your daily thinking and it becomes part of the practice of life, something I use every day.”

........

“Definitely do it! Open yourself up to the process. Some things will come with ease and others are harder. It's the harder things I suggest you lean into. Things open up, they change! I have new courage, new confidence.”

Setting healthy boundaries can be easier than you think

Last week I wrote about boundaries — what they are and why they matter so much. If you missed “Part 1” of this topic, you may want to click here and read about it.

As promised, today I’m sharing ways you can set boundaries without distress, to help you live your best life.

To begin, it can be helpful to check in and ask yourself how you relate to boundaries.

How do you feel about setting boundaries?

We all have the opportunity to draw the lines — create boundaries — that align with and protect our desires, values and preferences.

And, most people shy away from setting boundaries.

Many do not feel comfortable saying, “No.” They do not feel confident stating what is on their mind and setting standards that are aligned with what is right for them.

Here are a few reasons people shy away from setting boundaries:

Many people hate to say “No” because they want to be nice.

This fear of not being nice is people-pleasing — something remarkably common among both men and women.

People-pleasers are focused on making other people happy or trying to get others to like them. This focus typically starts when people are young, and can be deeply ingrained.

They aim to avoid conflict to such a degree that they are willing to put their own needs, values and preferences behind those of others.

Many people are afraid to lose love or approval.

We all long for love and approval. Many people are so afraid of rejection or disapproval that they do not ask for what they need, or ask for something different, or assert themselves.

When you compromise this way, you fail to make your own well-being your top priority. It is also typical to feel unworthy of love and approval. Thus you are willing to sacrifice your own contentment, satisfaction and happiness. This often results in resentment and unhappiness.

Many people simply do not know how to set boundaries — even when they yearn for them.

This is the easiest challenge to overcome.

When you know the boundary you want to establish — be it setting a firm limit about when you are available and when you are not; or stating that you will no longer take on every task someone asks you to help with; or establishing a clear policy about lending things to others; or setting an “energetic boundary” to keep painful actions and remarks from wounding your heart; or anything else — you can get crystal clear about why that boundary matters to you.

Why do you want to change the way things are now?

What will change for the better when the new boundary is in place?

Think about how you will feel, the time that will open up for you, the benefits to the relationship you have with another person, etc.

When you have the what and the why clearly in mind, implementing the boundary (the how) is going to be easier than you may think.

How to set any boundary, in 3 steps

When you are clear about a given boundary you want to set, and why it matters, follow these steps to set and hold that boundary.

1. Articulate the boundary clearly and specifically.

Start by getting crystal clear about the person or people you will set this boundary with. One person may be your focus now, but there may be others with whom that boundary also needs to be set.

Next, be very clear about what the boundary entails, and what it will look like when it is in place.

With this clarity you will be ready to communicate the specifics to the party or parties you have identified.

2. Understand that you can communicate boundaries with kindness.

Some boundaries are low-stakes, and may not feel intimidating to set. And, even the boundaries you feel most concerned about setting can be set with kindness.

Keep in mind that “kind” is different than “nice.” You do not need to fall into people-pleasing mode at all! You can kindly tell someone that you have commitments that preclude you from taking on new volunteer assignments, or that you are no longer able to answer calls on the weekend, or that you have established a new policy about loaning money.

Keep in mind, too, that your boundaries are kind to yourself, and that that is important!

3. Stay consistent.

Once you have communicated the new boundary, you may find that others do not fully respect that boundary. They may hope you will “relax the rule” or make exceptions for them. They may forget out of habit. They may try to persuade you to return to the pre-boundary way of interacting.

Keep the reason the boundary mattered to you to start with firmly in mind. Stay clear and determined about sustaining your new policy.

In time, people will either honor your boundary or not. If they choose not to honor your boundary you will have important information and can make a decision about making changes to that relationship.

Start small, but start!

Whether you are nervous about setting any new boundary, or you feel called to set a bold boundary, it will be best to start with setting a small, low-stakes boundary.

One that is likely to be easy for others to accept (and may be harder for you to stick to!), is to set limits on when you will respond to emails. You may want to add a signature to your emails stating when people will receive replies from you. (For example, you might say that you check emails twice each day, at 9:00am and 4:00pm, and that you respond to emails within 24 hours.)

After you have a couple of easy-to-communicate boundaries in place, you can aim for setting a boundary that is a bit more emotionally weighty. Being clear about the new boundary, and having a plan in place to communicate with kindness, you are likely to feel ready to declare your new boundary.

Big rewards await you

Be sure, after you have established each boundary, to take note of the impact it has for you, and celebrate yourself — you deserve to feel proud!

Each boundary you put in place creates clear space for you to bring more joy, more play, more creativity and more of what lights you up into your life.

That is what living big is all about!

Boundaries — what they are and why to love them

Many women I talk to fail to consider — or actively avoid — setting boundaries.

I know that I had not given boundaries much thought for most of my life. And when I began to think about setting boundaries, a lot of discomfort showed up.

The truth, that I have come to understand and experience, is that each boundary you set is a gift to yourself. And boundaries can always be set with kindness. 

This is a big topic — in fact, so big that I will address different types of boundaries now, as well as why they are important. Next week I will share ways to set boundaries that will help you live your best life.

Consider two types of boundaries

There are physical boundaries and abstract personal boundaries. Both of these categories are important.

Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include things like walls and fences. We can all recall what moats with drawbridges look like, that were built in medieval times to protect castles from invaders.

When we set a physical boundary, we are making it explicit to people to respect our space and not intrude on our privacy. 

You may want to set physical boundaries related to the kinds of physical contact you welcome — and contact you do not want. Perhaps you hate being hugged. Perhaps you don’t like being in crowded places. 

You may want to create private physical spaces, indoors (such as a room of your own) or outdoors (think fences and walls), where you can have solitude or pursue personal projects or activities. You may want people to knock before entering a room you occupy.

You may want to create a private space where your personal belongings, such as journals or keepsakes, will not be seen by others.

You may set boundaries related to material things you are willing/not willing to share, such as objects or money.

Some people need to set boundaries to have private spaces that will protect their safety.

Emotional boundaries

An emotional personal boundary is a limit, or rule, that you set with others (and sometimes with yourself) to delineate things that are important to you and your wellbeing.

In short, by setting these boundaries you make clear what is acceptable to you.

Emotional boundaries can relate to your time in a variety of ways.

When are you available? This can be to take phone calls or answer emails, or available to help with doing tasks for others. 

What tasks are you willing to take on, such as saying yes to doing “favors” for people, or doing more than your “fair share” (at home and at work)?

Emotional boundaries relate to your spirit, too. In these cases, you are setting limits to protect your emotional wellbeing.

For instance, you may choose which information to share and things to keep to yourself.

Or, if you have compromised your wellbeing by tolerating a relationship that is not healthy for you, you may know that a change is needed.

Here is another example. Maybe you allow others’ behavior to distress you, rather than creating a virtual, energetic boundary to protect your wellbeing — even in the face of their insensitivity or deliberately hurtful actions.

Why not bring awareness to places and situations where new or better boundaries will be helpful, in order to bring you more happiness and/or reduce stress in your life?

The gifts that boundaries deliver

While it may feel uncomfortable to think about setting boundaries — with people you are close to, with colleagues and clients, with strangers — you will reap many benefits. 

You will feel increased self-confidence and happiness.

Your relationships will be stronger and better when you clearly communicate what you want and do not want, as well as what you need and what are unwilling to tolerate.

You will feel great when you hold your standards, without guilt or apologies.

You will protect your spirit and feel grounded and clear.

Doesn’t all of that sound great?

Next week I will share ways to set new boundaries. It is often less “hard” to do than you may think!