You are worthy of self-love

If you have been a reader of my Big Ideas for a while, or have heard me speak about Living Big, the concept of Self-Love will likely sound familiar.

Maybe you bring awareness of Self-Love into your days, and have made space for practices to build Self-Love.

If so, that’s great! I deeply believe that Self-Love is a foundation for living your biggest, best life.

And, there is more to this topic than you may be aware.

Why Self-Love matters

When you love yourself — which is not selfish! — you take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You honor yourself. You set and hold standards that are aligned with your values. You have more compassion for yourself. 

When the voices of your Self-Critic intrude (as they do, for all of us), you are less likely to be limited by a sense of being an imposter, or being inclined to be perfectionistic, or procrastinating, or feeling inadequate when comparing yourself to others, or being immobilized by fear. When any of these self-critical voices show up, having a base of strong Self-Love provides you with a counter-narative that can quiet those voices.

(Those voices will never go away completely, but you will be amazed at how much easier it will be to manage your Self-Critic.)

The more Self-Love you cultivate, allowing you to quiet the Self-Critic, the less stress you will experience and the more confident you’ll feel.

The best part? You will experience more happiness!

What Self-Love actually means

I often teach about these important dimensions of Self-Love:

• Self-Love means feeling deserving and worthy — of goodness in every aspect of your life.

• Self-Love means believing in yourself, owning your unique and amazing gifts.

• Self-Love means taking exquisite care of yourself. Think about how well you nourish yourself, if you are getting ample rest, how you nurture your body in ways you enjoy, and more.

• Self-Love means devoting time to you — to be quiet, to do things you love, to honor and nurture your spirit. 

And, to consistently do these things takes focus.

How to practice Self-Love — including a great new idea!

I often share ways to actively cultivate Self-Love. Here are some basic approaches:

• A seemingly simple practice is to smile at yourself in the mirror each morning and evening. It may feel awkward, but stay with it. Gently and tenderly gazing at yourself with love makes a wonderful difference.

• Create a ritual for self-reflection. You might choose journal-writing, spending time in nature to reflect, expressing yourself creatively, or another way that makes you happy.

• Schedule time to do things you love, for the pure pleasure of it!

• Set aside ample time for wonderful self-care.

• Make dates to be with people you truly enjoy.

The new suggestion I have is one I slowly came to realize is an excellent way to nurture Self-Love:

Ask for help!

This concept may not sound obvious. (It did not for me until recently.) 

Learning to ask for help has been part of my personal journey to Living Big. Only recently did I “connect the dots” and realize that every time I ask for help I am honoring and loving myself.

How is asking for help self-loving?

Each time I get help I create space for more of what I love to do or experience, or for doing things that are in my “zone of genus.” 

I reduce stress.

Things get done faster than if I handle them myself.

Some things get done much better than I am able to do them.

I get inspiration and leverage the genius of others, so that the quality and outcomes of my efforts are enhanced.

I also experience the pleasure that others get when they help me. (Because so many people love to help others!)

To the last point, there are countless people who want to help you — friends, family members, colleagues, and people you hire. 

We are not meant to do everything ourselves. Embracing this truth and reaching out for help is a wonderful way to honor and love yourself.

I have tested it for you and can attest to it!

Please share your Self-Love stories

I would be delighted to hear about how you practice Self-Love and the outcomes you are noticing. Email me, and if you have questions or struggle with this practice, tell me about that, too.

New beginnings: create your best life!

It is a delight to welcome many who have just started receiving my Big Ideas. I am so pleased to welcome these great women.

This past weekend I celebrated Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. The focus of this High Holy Day runs deeper than our secular new year.

On Rosh Hashanah we celebrate the creation of the world and welcome a sweet new year. We are also introspective, as this holiday starts a 10-day period during which we reflect on the ways we fell short in the past year. We pray for forgiveness and to be “written into the book of life” for the year ahead.

The idea that we have a new start, one filled with opportunity to be self-aware and to live with clear intention truly inspires me.

We can start anew each day

Holidays of many kinds offer is the opportunity to take note, reflect, celebrate, and some invite us to consider some change we might make.

In fact, every fresh new day is an invitation to be grateful, to bring awareness to how we are living, and to do something new or different.

Rather than living on autopilot, why not set an intention at the start of each day?

You might create a small morning ritual to reflect and consider what new action or way of being you want to make a focus of your day. 

Your ritual can include a few minutes to write in a journal. It might include lighting a candle and sitting quietly. It might be taking a walk to reflect on nature. Create what works for you!

Just make one small change today

If you have been a reader here, or have heard me speak, you know that I believe in the power of implementing small changes.

As you embark on a morning practice or ritual, it is key to bear that in mind.

Rather than aiming to make a sweeping change, think of making a very small shift — in thought and/or action. 

Need ideas to spark your heart?

On some days you may be very clear about your focus for the day ahead. On others, you may be less clear and feel unsure what focus will support you to have your best day.

And while you may want to stick with one focus for a period of time, you might choose to change your focus as outside circumstances, inner desires, or new possibilities prompt you to make different choices.

Any way you bring awareness and commitment to your day is great.

Consider these possibilities:

• Choose to add curiosity

Bringing more curiosity into your day is always a great idea. Curiosity can be applied in countless ways. Ask more questions in conversations and listen with care. Bring a curious mind to explorations of possibilities and solutions. Be curious about underlying motivations — your own and those of others.

• Choose to cultivate patience 

Set an intention to sit with discomfort when things do not happen as quickly as you’d like, or when you have an impulse to plow ahead without full consideration of a matter, or when others are unresponsive. 

• Choose to be more loving

Think about how you might love yourself more. Maybe you will be more self-forgiving, or pause to eat a more nutritious meal mid-day. And, how might you love others more fully, though acts of kindness, or helping someone, or even in your thoughts?

• Choose to be more trusting

You can actively trust yourself and the decisions you make. You can be more trusting of others, too. That awareness of trust will automatically prompt you to be more thoughtful as you move through your day.

• Choose to show up a bit more boldly

What one small way can you be more bold today — in a way that feels authentic for you? Try something small, such as asking someone you trust to listen to an idea you’ve had and not yet dared to share. Post about something you believe in or matters to you on LinkedIn, so people get to see an aspect of you they haven’t known about. Even something as small as making a clothing change that shows your real personality can be a good way to start being bolder.

• Choose to celebrate yourself

I suggest you make this idea a part of every day! Acknowledge yourself for creating a daily ritual, for taking thoughtful actions, for each small — and big — thing you contribute to, or initiate, or see through in your day. As my clients and audiences know, I think saying a spirited “YAY ME!” at each of these moments is a powerful practice to make part of your life!

We get to create our lives each day

New beginnings are wonderful — and holidays that highlight the start of a new year, whether religious or secular, are a gift.  

Knowing that we can make each and every day a new start, that we can fill each day with awareness, and make commitments to ourselves for how we want to live our biggest best day, fills me with inspiration.

I hope it does you, as well.

Take a moment to imagine your life a year from today, having made clear commitments to Live Big each day.

Savor that vision, and commit to making it your reality.

I am always happy to connect with you, to hear about your deep desires for a life that fulfills you, and help you gain clarity and insight about what is limiting you now, and what is possible. Email me — and we’ll make a date to talk.

Unlock the power of daily reflection.

Most of us launch into our days, moving through a brisk morning routine and then attending meetings and handling tasks and projects that fill our packed calendars. We end the day only to start again the next morning.

In the midst of a busy life, it’s easy to loose sight of the opportunity we each have to pause, reflect and make simple choices that can have a big positive impact.

Three questions you can ask yourself today

If, instead of moving from one thing to the next as quickly as possible, you choose to briefly stop, breathe quietly for a minute ot two, and then ask yourself a good question, you can change the tone and intensity of any busy day.

Here are questions you may want to choose from:

1. What one thing really matters now?

When you choose this question and focus on the top thing that matters most right now, you are able to bring both awareness and clarity to your day. Your attention will no longer be splattered.

This pause enables you to consider how you might reshuffle other things on the calendar if that is needed, or who you can ask to help you, or what resources are available that you had not considered as you rushed though the day.

2. What will me happy now?

It’s easy to forget that you deserve to be happy, and that there is always an opportunity to have moments of pleasure in your life — even when things are busy!

This is not a frivolous or selfish thing to make a priority, It is self-loving. And when you honor yourself by choosing to inject happiness into your day, you put positive fuel in your engine.

• Maybe a quick text or call to someone special will lift your spirits. 

• Maybe a short walk in nature, or a stop at a lovely cafe will give you a boost. 

• Maybe planning something special you can look forward to doing at the end of your day will light up your heart.

3. What promise can I make to myself now?

This question offers you a terrific opportunity to reflect on something you want to commit to — for yourself, for your wellbeing.

Tap your heart and find something that you want.

Keep in mind that small desires are a great for two reasons — they matter, and they will not make you feel overwhelmed.

Here are some prompts that may get you started:

• You might promise yourself to get to bed a little earlier. 

• You might promise yourself to ask for something you have held back on requesting.

• You might promise yourself to be kinder — to yourself or someone else. 

• You might promise yourself to follow through on a task you have been avoiding.

• You might promise yourself to be a bit bolder today.

• You might promise yourself to start planning an adventure you have been longing to take.

This small daily practice can bring big shifts

We tend to underestimate the significant impact that small actions can have.

You may want to remind yourself to ask one of these questions each day (and you may have other questions you want to add).

Why not download this graphic, print it, and use it as a reminder?

I’d be happy to hear about how this practice works for you.

And I am always happy to talk about how you want to Live Big.

Email me today! 

What future are you choosing?

Have you ever paused to think that you choose your future every day?

Your decisions, your choices, and the actions you take each day have a tremendous impact on the life you will lead down the road.

Are you a drifter?

Sadly, most people drift through their lives. When I look back I see all the ways I had drifted for a long time.

Yes, I made some bold decisions. Some of the important ones, in addition to choosing the partner to spend my life with and deciding to have children, were leaving a corporate job to start my first business; deciding not to relocate for a job that was going to pay me handsomely, but upon reflection I realized would not make me happy; and my most recent great decision — to sell my business, explore, and find a new direction that I would really love.

I was focused about making each of those decisions.

And, I know that I lived much of my life without focusing intentionally.

For years I moved on autopilot through daily routines.

I kept up with demands and put out fires. I frequently said yes to requests without thinking about the “opportunity cost” of those yesses.

I rarely stopped to consider the ways I was living and where those ways of living were taking me — until I had my big wake-up call (to sell my business in 2011).

It was then that I realized that I had the opportunity to make thoughtful, careful, well-considered decisions all the time. 

What I learned was that each of my decisions leads me to a life that I create, rather than living by default as I had for so long.

What future are you choosing?

Your choices point you in a direction, which is why it is worth considering the choices you make.

Are your choices aligned with what really matters to you?

Think about choices like:

• who you spend time with

• what you listen to and read

• how you spend your free time

• how you show up in the world — from the clothes you wear to what you say (and do not say)

Think about how clear you are about what you want. This will let you live with a vision to guide you, so you can more easily live with intention.

And think about how clear — and how big — your vision is.

What choices are you making today?

Sit with that question for a few minutes. Consider your choices, and how they line up with your dreams.

Jot down lots of your choices — like those related to the people in your life, your habits (that may or may not be ideal), the responsibilities and opportunities that your have taken on or are considering now, and more.

When you see them clearly noted on paper, you can assess whether they are positive and affirming, or if there are things you want to change.

Your next step (that will now be easier to implement) is to be more self-aware as you consider all of your daily choices, and the bigger choices and decisions that are right for you.

Watch for significant rewards!

As you build your awareness and choose carefully, things will begin to change in marvelous was.

And when more of us live with intention, choosing with care and moving in directions that are fully fulfilling, more lives will change for the better. More of us will be happy and energized, and people around us will feel and see it!

We can impact our families, our communities, our workplaces and beyond!

My vision is for accomplished women everywhere to boldly step into their power, make great choices so they show up with clarity and passion and realize all that is possible for them.

I see legions of women leading and inspiring others in incredible ways.

Please join me! As each of you chose with intention and make your life the best it can be, this vision will grow organically.

I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds.

How to savor every day

Most of us focus on destinations, goals, and achievements.

What if you savored the journey?

What if you held the vision of that desired state and lived in each present moment?

This is why it’s great to focus on now

When your attention is fixed on a destination, you miss what is happening now — including new opportunities and great sensations.

When you live in the present, you appreciate all of your experiences as you move in the direction of your desired outcome.

What’s more, you can tune in to new possibilities and can gain fresh awareness of ways to support your goals.

And maybe best of all, you will have more fun!

Ready to give this new way of approaching your days a try?

How to stay in the present

It’s tempting to focus on the future. However, doing that often leads to thinking of a million what-ifs — which is not only stressful, it hijacks your attention and fragments your focus.

It’s also easy to look back and repeatedly rehash old experiences. While there are lessons to be learned from looking at the past, the rehashing usually hurts as you tend to focus on shortcomings and feelings of regret.

If you find yourself stuck in either of those states, try these ways to return to the present:

1. Be alert to your thoughts.

It can be helpful to jot notes about the times you fast-forward or dive back into examining past events.

Can you notice types of triggers that pull your attention away from what is happening now? Are there times of day, or specific people, or patterns you can become aware of?

Awareness can help you to avoid those situations — or spot them start early on. That's a great way to consciously bring your attention back to the present.

2. Observe what is happening now and create your response.  

Consider where you are and what’s going on around you. Choose the present as your focus, at least for a little while.

Think about where you have opportunities right now — like the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation, or to shift to a more positive approach, or to come up with a new idea.

Ask yourself if there might be a challenge to address that you may have been avoiding when you turned your attention to the future or the past..

Be thoughtful as you contemplate your options and make your best choices.

3. Appreciate and honor your emotions.

When you are present and feel excited and eager about what is happening, and all that is possible for you now, make the most of the energy. Let yourself fully enjoy what you are doing. Let that positive energy carry you!

If you find yourself feeling discomfort, or fear, or sadness, or stress, it may be tempting to try and ignore it.

A better approach is to let yourself feel the feelings for a little while, and then use those feelings as fuel for some type of creative expressions.

For some that's writing. For some it helps to dig in the dirt, or go for a run. Some people move their bodies to music, or hammer away in a workshop, or sing loudly in their car. (This may be a quick effort, or may need repeating until you feel the emotion has been released.)

Having expressed yourself to use your emotions, you are likely to feel lighter, ready to refocus on all the opportunities and possibilities in the present moment.

And speaking of opportunities, when you live in the present you will have many opportunities to appreciate yourself. Acknowledge yourself for each step you take, for noticing new possibilities and testing them, and for all of your progress (the small steps as well as bigger leaps).

Living in the present is a great way to Live Big.

It doesn't have to be hard to let go

Last week I wrote about letting go of physical clutter and emotional clutter. (If you missed it, you can check that out here.)

In addition to letting go of the things that clutter your environment, and the people and situations that drain your energy, I am thinking about the concept of letting go in a bigger, broader way. 

Consider this question:

What are you holding onto in your life and work that it may be time to let go of?

• Perhaps you are holding onto the way your business is structured, because you have always worked that way, or because that’s the way everyone else does it.

• Perhaps you are holding on to a seasonal ritual with family or friends because that’s what you always do, or because you think that’s what people expect you to do.

• Perhaps you live — or work — in a place that does not make you happy anymore (or maybe has never made you happy), because it feels too hard to make a change.

Even if these examples do not resonate specifically for you, sit with the question and see if something comes to mind.

You deserve to be happy!

If you realize you have been holding on to something that is not ideal, your next thought may be, “Sure, but it’s ok.”

Or, you may think something like, “But what can I do about it?” or ”I don’t want to shake things up.”

I believe that life is too precious to compromise on your happiness.

You may not be considering that, by tolerating something that’s not working, or resisting making a change, you pay a price.

The energy you bring to your day-to-day life is dampened, dulled.

You may not even be consciously aware of the ways it adds stress, makes you feel pressured, causes frustration, or simply contributes to subtle discontentment.

Living that way is not fun for you, and it limits everything you do.

If one or more things come to mind, consider the upside of initiating a change.

When you let go, new possibilities show up

When you loosen your grip on maintaining the thing that you have been convinced is the way it has to be, or loosen your grip on the thing you now are aware you’ve been tolerating, things will shift.

Possibilities you may never have considered are likely to feel real.

So, what can it look like to loosen your grip?

1. Get curious!

Ask yourself questions like:

• Why have I been holding tight to the belief that the way I run my business has to be the same as it has been? What could a different business model look like?

• What beliefs might I let go of about my role in our annual family gatherings?

• What would an ideal location be for me to feel happy every day? Do I need to stay in this city?

• What might working for another company, or taking on a new or bigger role, be like?

• What am I afraid of? What’s the worst possible outcome of a change? What’s the best possible outcome?

• What if I doubted myself less and showed up in a bigger way?

2. Consider small steps to take.

Having identified something you want to change, and getting curious to open insights and ideas, it is time to take action.

(By the way, action is a great antidote to fear. The act of starting will build enthusiasm and reduce hesitation and doubt!)

Your initial action might be to talk to people who have done the thing you are considering, and learn from their experience.

You can generate lists of possibilities and see which are the most appealing, so you can begin to test them. 

You can set a vision of that new thing already having happened. Holding that vision will make you feel excited and motivated to take ongoing steps in that direction.

3. Build momentum.

Having put a plan in motion, stay committed to yourself — and keep the curiosity going.

You are likely to adjust your initial ideas and expand or redefine your vision as new possibilities, resources, and supporters show up.

As you pursue the thing your heart asked for, you are sure to show up more fully and bring more boldness into the ways you approach your life.

That’s what living big is all about.

Feel free to let me know about the change you feel called to consider, or one that you are in the midst of now. It’s easy — just email me.

What are you ready to let go of?

Are you holding on to things that no longer matter?

So many of us struggle to let go. There is so much we accumulate that we stop seeing and using.

We are surrounded by things we no longer need — and if we pause to consider, there’s usually a lot we no longer even want.

What things can you let go of now?

Physical clutter feels daunting to think about for many of us. When will we find the time and energy to tackle a closet that is packed, or a room with drawers and shelves that are overstuffed?

What if you chose to take a baby step?

What if you started with a single drawer or focused on one small thing?

Last week I scheduled a pick-up with a non-profit that takes used books and finds new homes for them. It was the perfect way to get motivated to look at shelves around the house and fill the requisite 7 small boxes with books to donate. 

In no time, I had selected old travel books, novels I had no interest in rereading, books related to my first business (that I sold in 2011!), cookbooks I haven't used in years or didn't really like, and more.

Having quickly filled the boxes, it was fun to readjust the shelves, now with breathing room for small objects and photos to be placed where they add delight.

The books are now out of my house and on their way to new homes. I feel more spacious and happy, having done just one small thing to clear my environment. 

Think about emotional clutter, too.

In addition to the tangible clutter in your home and office, that you can slowly address and let go of, consider emotional clutter. We all have some of that.

What have you been tolerating that drags you down emotionally and/or energetically?  

Perhaps there are people or situations in your life that drain your energy or impact your thinking in negative ways. 

Start by becoming aware of them. Perhaps writing in a journal will help you identify them, see their impact, and be more alert to where they interfere. 

With that awareness, you may naturally start to address, eliminate, or resolve them.

And if you choose not to actively do anything about them now, that’s fine. Having the awareness is a key first step.

Start with one small, specific step today

What one small thing can you commit to now?

It can be something as small as choosing a focal point to start in on — and setting a date to begin to address it.

You might journal about clutter for 15 minutes next weekend.

You might schedule a pick-up of clothes and household items for a local charity.

Whatever small step you take, you will have the satisfaction of having started.

Each baby step takes you a step closer to the spaciousness of a less-cluttered environment, and a less-cluttered mind.

In time, as your life becomes less cluttered, stress and anxiety will subside. You will feel pride about your accomplishments, and enjoy the bonus of enhanced self-esteem.

In short, you will feel happier! Imagine how great that will be.

Is it time to go deeper?

Here’s a question to consider:

When was the last time you stepped into something bigger and new, to explore something different or intriguing — even if you were a bit uncomfortable?

Late last year I decided to explore a new creative direction, not knowing if it would be great or a bust.

In late December I signed up to attend a weekend writing retreat. The focus was on writing "from the deep voice.” As much as I love writing my weekly Big Ideas, and had loved writing my book, this was a way of expressing myself that I’d never considered before. 

I was especially nervous because all of the other women at the retreat had been immersed in the work with this teacher for some time. 

Is it time to explore a deeper part of yourself?

As a coach who is passionate about the power of creativity and living a creative, BIG life (and a person who loves words), I listened to the whisper in my heart that was intrigued about what writing from the deep voice might be like.

I figured the upside was that I would have fun, and maybe even find a direction that would have meaningful resonance for me.

The worst thing that could happen would be I’d have spent 2 days doing something that did not excite me, and I might feel embarrassed that I was not “good at it.”

I said yes to the small whisper I heard — it was a “yes” to myself.

I said yes to trying something new in spite of my nervousness.

That weekend retreat opened up a path that has been exciting and enriching for me ever since.

In fact, a story I wrote was just published in an anthology, and I was part of a book-reading on Sunday at which 7 authors read their work, answered questions from the audience, and signed piles of books.

What is waiting for you if you say “Yes!”?

If you feel your heart asking for expansion, the timing is perfect.

You can get clear about the future you want to make your reality!

That may mean creating a life that feels exciting and supports your happiness and wellbeing.

It may mean courageously aiming to reach the next level in your career or business.

It may mean leaving a toxic work or personal situation with clarity and strength.

It may mean planning for the next phase of an evolving life — as you leave burnout behind, launch a new business, or step into a fulfilling retirement.

It may include building new levels of confidence to show up more fully and boldly, so you have your biggest impact.

It starts with one small, easy “Yes.”

This “Yes” does not call on bravery, and there’s no risk of embarrassment.

There’s also no cost, other than 30 minutes of your time for a call with me.

This call can open big possibility.

It’s an opportunity for us to have a meaningful conversation, and for you to gain insight and perspective about your life now, as well as your dreams.

And if you wish to hear about it, we can talk about Live Big Live! — the powerful, intimate, fun and life-changing retreat that is coming up this fall.

Email me, or schedule your call here.

(And if you want to learn about Writing from the Deep Voice, I would be happy to introduce you to my marvelous teacher, Leslie Berliant. Email me, and I’ll make an introduction. And you can check out the lovely anthology here.)

Are you ready to follow a new path?

Something big is starting soon.

It’s an opportunity for you to take a new step in your life.

Where are you now?

Perhaps you are at a crossroads.

Maybe new opportunities are available to you and you are unsure, or fearful, about how to proceed.

Maybe you know it’s time for a change in your life. Or you may feel stuck.

Maybe you know there's something bigger, something more that you yearn for — something that will make you feel lit up every day.

Maybe you are ready to leave stress behind and live a joyous life, one that sustains you financially and has space for your spirit to soar.

These questions may prompt you to think about your career, personal relationships, the day-to-day quality of your life, long-held dreams, or the next chapter you are ready to move into.

The change you yearn for is attainable!

As I personally experienced, and as I witness with great women like you all the time, there are key moments when we know a change is upon us.

Some of us hear a shout. Many of us hear a quiet whisper. We feel desire stirring, to leave the status quo behind and venture forward in a new way.

And if you are like I was, it may feel daunting to figure it all out. Looking back, I doubt I would have been able to find my new path on my own, much less start living the bigger life I relish now.

Having a guide to support me was crucial.

You, too, can be supported to step into your best life.

Say yes to yourself!

If you know it’s time to get on the path to a truly fulfilling future — getting clear about your vision and knowing how to create that life — you may feel excited to take a big leap. Or, you may want to take it slowly, with a series of small steps.

Both options are available to you. They both work.

The first step is to say “Yes!” to yourself.

The next step can be to explore the Live Big Live! program that has just opened for enrollment.

Click here to book a free call with me to see if the upcoming retreat may be right for you.

Let’s talk soon!

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Read what past attendees of Live Big Live! have said — and check out some photos of the retreat experience:

“I said ‘yes’ to myself and I am so glad I did. I loved the experience. After a challenging year, I found self-forgivness. I feel unstuck! I opened my heart and I have hope! And I know I am headed for someplace good. This was a deep and meaningful experience!”

........

“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

........

“I was looking for personal development with a goal of improving my business results, and Rochelle turned out to be a wonderful resource to help me accomplish both. From setting a foundation of knowing more and celebrating more about myself through Enneagram studies, to building awareness of how limiting language and thoughts can bleed into our results, Rochelle offers a wide variety of tools that have helped unblock me time after time.

The results (so far!): my short, medium and long term visions are clear and exciting. I find myself taking steps forward daily that I would have avoided or put off in the past, and I am earning more money independently in my business than I ever earned from an employer. Life with Rochelle's guidance is truly a new, more joyful and fruitful way of living for me.”

........ 

“After the process we moved through, about knowing yourself and who you want to be in your life, and what you want to do and have, and watching all that unfold, it has really been spectacular.”

........

“This has been a tremendous gift to myself! I definitely recommend this program! You will come together with other women who are committed to the process. You will learn from everyone’s story and everyone’s journey. It’s so much more powerful than doing it alone. And you can go at your own pace. I made it part of my life, in the process before the retreat — and at the retreat. You incorporate it into your daily thinking and it becomes part of the practice of life, something I use every day.”

........

“Definitely do it! Open yourself up to the process. Some things will come with ease and others are harder. It's the harder things I suggest you lean into. Things open up, they change! I have new courage, new confidence.”

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Setting healthy boundaries can be easier than you think

Last week I wrote about boundaries — what they are and why they matter so much. If you missed “Part 1” of this topic, you may want to click here and read about it.

As promised, today I’m sharing ways you can set boundaries without distress, to help you live your best life.

To begin, it can be helpful to check in and ask yourself how you relate to boundaries.

How do you feel about setting boundaries?

We all have the opportunity to draw the lines — create boundaries — that align with and protect our desires, values and preferences.

And, most people shy away from setting boundaries.

Many do not feel comfortable saying, “No.” They do not feel confident stating what is on their mind and setting standards that are aligned with what is right for them.

Here are a few reasons people shy away from setting boundaries:

Many people hate to say “No” because they want to be nice.

This fear of not being nice is people-pleasing — something remarkably common among both men and women.

People-pleasers are focused on making other people happy or trying to get others to like them. This focus typically starts when people are young, and can be deeply ingrained.

They aim to avoid conflict to such a degree that they are willing to put their own needs, values and preferences behind those of others.

Many people are afraid to lose love or approval.

We all long for love and approval. Many people are so afraid of rejection or disapproval that they do not ask for what they need, or ask for something different, or assert themselves.

When you compromise this way, you fail to make your own well-being your top priority. It is also typical to feel unworthy of love and approval. Thus you are willing to sacrifice your own contentment, satisfaction and happiness. This often results in resentment and unhappiness.

Many people simply do not know how to set boundaries — even when they yearn for them.

This is the easiest challenge to overcome.

When you know the boundary you want to establish — be it setting a firm limit about when you are available and when you are not; or stating that you will no longer take on every task someone asks you to help with; or establishing a clear policy about lending things to others; or setting an “energetic boundary” to keep painful actions and remarks from wounding your heart; or anything else — you can get crystal clear about why that boundary matters to you.

Why do you want to change the way things are now?

What will change for the better when the new boundary is in place?

Think about how you will feel, the time that will open up for you, the benefits to the relationship you have with another person, etc.

When you have the what and the why clearly in mind, implementing the boundary (the how) is going to be easier than you may think.

How to set any boundary, in 3 steps

When you are clear about a given boundary you want to set, and why it matters, follow these steps to set and hold that boundary.

1. Articulate the boundary clearly and specifically.

Start by getting crystal clear about the person or people you will set this boundary with. One person may be your focus now, but there may be others with whom that boundary also needs to be set.

Next, be very clear about what the boundary entails, and what it will look like when it is in place.

With this clarity you will be ready to communicate the specifics to the party or parties you have identified.

2. Understand that you can communicate boundaries with kindness.

Some boundaries are low-stakes, and may not feel intimidating to set. And, even the boundaries you feel most concerned about setting can be set with kindness.

Keep in mind that “kind” is different than “nice.” You do not need to fall into people-pleasing mode at all! You can kindly tell someone that you have commitments that preclude you from taking on new volunteer assignments, or that you are no longer able to answer calls on the weekend, or that you have established a new policy about loaning money.

Keep in mind, too, that your boundaries are kind to yourself, and that that is important!

3. Stay consistent.

Once you have communicated the new boundary, you may find that others do not fully respect that boundary. They may hope you will “relax the rule” or make exceptions for them. They may forget out of habit. They may try to persuade you to return to the pre-boundary way of interacting.

Keep the reason the boundary mattered to you to start with firmly in mind. Stay clear and determined about sustaining your new policy.

In time, people will either honor your boundary or not. If they choose not to honor your boundary you will have important information and can make a decision about making changes to that relationship.

Start small, but start!

Whether you are nervous about setting any new boundary, or you feel called to set a bold boundary, it will be best to start with setting a small, low-stakes boundary.

One that is likely to be easy for others to accept (and may be harder for you to stick to!), is to set limits on when you will respond to emails. You may want to add a signature to your emails stating when people will receive replies from you. (For example, you might say that you check emails twice each day, at 9:00am and 4:00pm, and that you respond to emails within 24 hours.)

After you have a couple of easy-to-communicate boundaries in place, you can aim for setting a boundary that is a bit more emotionally weighty. Being clear about the new boundary, and having a plan in place to communicate with kindness, you are likely to feel ready to declare your new boundary.

Big rewards await you

Be sure, after you have established each boundary, to take note of the impact it has for you, and celebrate yourself — you deserve to feel proud!

Each boundary you put in place creates clear space for you to bring more joy, more play, more creativity and more of what lights you up into your life.

That is what living big is all about!

Boundaries — what they are and why to love them

Many women I talk to fail to consider — or actively avoid — setting boundaries.

I know that I had not given boundaries much thought for most of my life. And when I began to think about setting boundaries, a lot of discomfort showed up.

The truth, that I have come to understand and experience, is that each boundary you set is a gift to yourself. And boundaries can always be set with kindness. 

This is a big topic — in fact, so big that I will address different types of boundaries now, as well as why they are important. Next week I will share ways to set boundaries that will help you live your best life.

Consider two types of boundaries

There are physical boundaries and abstract personal boundaries. Both of these categories are important.

Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include things like walls and fences. We can all recall what moats with drawbridges look like, that were built in medieval times to protect castles from invaders.

When we set a physical boundary, we are making it explicit to people to respect our space and not intrude on our privacy. 

You may want to set physical boundaries related to the kinds of physical contact you welcome — and contact you do not want. Perhaps you hate being hugged. Perhaps you don’t like being in crowded places. 

You may want to create private physical spaces, indoors (such as a room of your own) or outdoors (think fences and walls), where you can have solitude or pursue personal projects or activities. You may want people to knock before entering a room you occupy.

You may want to create a private space where your personal belongings, such as journals or keepsakes, will not be seen by others.

You may set boundaries related to material things you are willing/not willing to share, such as objects or money.

Some people need to set boundaries to have private spaces that will protect their safety.

Emotional boundaries

An emotional personal boundary is a limit, or rule, that you set with others (and sometimes with yourself) to delineate things that are important to you and your wellbeing.

In short, by setting these boundaries you make clear what is acceptable to you.

Emotional boundaries can relate to your time in a variety of ways.

When are you available? This can be to take phone calls or answer emails, or available to help with doing tasks for others. 

What tasks are you willing to take on, such as saying yes to doing “favors” for people, or doing more than your “fair share” (at home and at work)?

Emotional boundaries relate to your spirit, too. In these cases, you are setting limits to protect your emotional wellbeing.

For instance, you may choose which information to share and things to keep to yourself.

Or, if you have compromised your wellbeing by tolerating a relationship that is not healthy for you, you may know that a change is needed.

Here is another example. Maybe you allow others’ behavior to distress you, rather than creating a virtual, energetic boundary to protect your wellbeing — even in the face of their insensitivity or deliberately hurtful actions.

Why not bring awareness to places and situations where new or better boundaries will be helpful, in order to bring you more happiness and/or reduce stress in your life?

The gifts that boundaries deliver

While it may feel uncomfortable to think about setting boundaries — with people you are close to, with colleagues and clients, with strangers — you will reap many benefits. 

You will feel increased self-confidence and happiness.

Your relationships will be stronger and better when you clearly communicate what you want and do not want, as well as what you need and what are unwilling to tolerate.

You will feel great when you hold your standards, without guilt or apologies.

You will protect your spirit and feel grounded and clear.

Doesn’t all of that sound great?

Next week I will share ways to set new boundaries. It is often less “hard” to do than you may think!

What would it be like for you to feel freer?

When July 4 rolls around each year I naturally think of freedom. You probably do, too.

What resonates for me deeply this year is how free I feel. 

Specific questions I am asking myself now are:

• How free do I feel to show up in the world boldly?

• How free do I feel to allow myself to play?

• How free do I feel to start down new paths rather than sticking to the status quo, because that’s what I’m used to.

Whether these questions resonate for you at this moment in your life, or you have others that are particular to you now, I invite you to start exploring.

How free do you feel?

Let’s consider the three questions that keep coming to mind for me. Join me in being curious and see what comes up for you.

1. Do you feel free to boldly show the world who you are — without a mask, without holding back?

I gave a new talk this weekend titled, Embrace Your Bold: How to Amplify Your Voice and Increase Your Impact.

I opened the talk by sharing the impressions I used to have about of what “bold” looked like (such as being loud, and fearlessly doing daring feats). Those concepts of boldness turned me off, and made me doubt how bold I could be.

I also told the audience how I had tried to fake being bold in the past — and how those attempts had always failed. I explained that I have learned that being bold is a deeply personal set of choices, and there are ways to find your own bold, so you naturally and genuinely amplify your voice and increase your impact.

It was a short talk. There is much more I will cover when I expand the talk to a full keynote and deliver it in the fall. For now, I am pondering many ways I want to be bolder in my life, and what hampers me.

I invite you to consider this question, too. It will likely reveal things you have not brought into focus before.

2. Do you feel free to be playful, to lighten up, and let your spirit fly — just for the joy of it?

This question came to mind for me as I spent time with colleagues who were truly playful and joyous when they spoke on the stage before and after my talk.

I yearn to tap and express more of that light, playful energy, and am thinking about how I will begin — today!

3. Do you feel free to explore new options and make changes?

I have been asking myself about changes I want to make for the past few months. I am getting get super-clear, and I have been implementing them, one small step after another.

One decision became clear for me after my wonderful month living in Paris this past winter. I want to adjust the ways I spend my time so that I can paint more and write more. My soul yearns for more space for my own creative expression, and I have started making meaningful adjustments.

What about you?

Might you be stuck in a groove out of habit — about your work, or a relationship? Perhaps you are not honoring a deep desire?

Do you love things as they are, or do you realize you are ready to make a shift?

Are you holding back on making changes because they feel scary?

Feeling free enough to ask and explore the questions is step one!

Try using this special tool!

I created a guide to help you bring full self-expression into your life. It is colorful and fun to use. You will find that the more you are able to be fully self-expressed, the freer you will feel!

Download the guide here (no email needed!), and see what happens for you. 

Let’s all make this a season to activate glorious personal freedom!

My bonus tip to help you live big NOW!

Last week I shared 5 steps you can take to start making small steady changes that will help you live your biggest, most satisfying life.

If you missed it, or want to review the steps again, you can read it here.

The steps were designed to make it easy to bring a small and meaningful change in your life.

The objective is for you to see notable change quickly, so you can build momentum, and be able to make more positive shifts to the old habits that have been robbing you of time and space for what matters most to you.

Here’s a short recap of the 5 steps:

1. First identify one small shift you want to make.
2. Choose innovative ways to keep yourself focused.
3. Make a plan for the action you will take.
4. Track your progress.
5. Keep going — even if you stall, keep going and then build on your progress!

My mission is to help accomplished women everywhere all live their biggest, best lives!

Is the 5-step process is helping you?

Are you already noticing positive changes?

Whether you have started using the steps, or now want to begin to implement this gentle path to living a bigger, more satisfying life, I am excited to share one more idea today.

It can help you make the progress you desire with even more ease.

Watch your words!

This suggestion is subtle but powerful.

The language you use in your self-talk has a big impact on your thinking, and thus your actions.

I wrote about the power of self-talk to make your life easier in a post last year, that you can check out here. 

And here’s another post about the power of positivity.

To put this big idea to work, take note of times you use encouraging, supportive ways of speaking to yourself, and be aware of times you let criticism or negativity fill your thoughts.

When your language is positive and encouraging, your energy flows in great ways, and the outcomes of your efforts — no matter what you are focused on doing — will be noticeably better.

You always have the opportunity to turn negativity into positive thoughts and energy, and it is easier to do that than most people think.

Two examples of positive language to adopt

1. Eliminate the “shoulds”

Here is a common way that we make things hard for ourselves, that with a little attention, can be shifted to make things significantly easier and more pleasant.

If you find yourself thinking about what you should do, pause and shift to phrasing it as what you want to do, or what you get to do.

Can you see what happens when you swap in a few new words for “should”?

Instead of berating yourself or trying to force yourself to do something, you choose that thing!

When you change the words, your energy will come from a place of desire and/or opportunity. And what happens next will be remarkably better than starting with a should!

2. Add one new word

If you feel your progress is slower than you’d like — in making a small change of habits, or reaching a milestone, or completing a challenging task — instead of beating yourself up you can add the word “yet” to your thought.

For instance, if you are focused on speaking up more boldly, a new statement can look like this: 
“I have not had the courage to bring up that touchy subject with my colleague yet.”

Or, if you are trying to get more rest to feel your best, a new statement can look like this:
“I have not adjusted my bedtime yet, but I will test a new change to my routine tonight.”

Can you feel the energetic boost of simply adding “yet” to those sentences?

Awareness is powerful

When you slow down enough to bring awareness to the language you use in your self-talk, as well as when speaking with others, great things can happen with more ease and speed than you may be able to imagine now.

The more that you bring small, positive changes into your life, the more you will show up in new, big ways. I predict that you will love that expansive bigger version of you!

Email me and let me know how these suggestions work for you. And if you have questions I’ll be happy to hear them and get back to you.

This is your time to live big!

Ready to live bigger? Start with these 5 steps!

Most accomplished women I talk with express a desire to live a truly balanced and fulfilling life. While they yearn to show up fully every day, have an impact, and thrive, many confide that they feel limited and frustrated in their efforts to make that vision their reality.

Most take on too much.

Some don’t advocate for what they want — in their professional lives and in personal relationships.

They put their needs (for self-care, pursuit of personal interests, quiet time and more) behind those of others.

They compromise.

While they love the idea of living their biggest life, it does not feel natural for many of them to think of changing the ways they currently operate. Or they simply do not know where to begin to make changes.

Some even feel that the idea of living big may be too much — too much to expect for themselves, and/or too hard to achieve.

You cannot think too big, or live too big

One thing I know to be true is that all of us can learn, small step followed by small step, to show up fully in the world.

We can create the lives we yearn for!

We can overcome our doubts and limitations to pursue all that we desire and to have our biggest impact.

Can you embrace this truth? 

When you choose to pursue your biggest life, I urge you to be mindful that making significant changes is a process that unfolds over time.

These 5 steps will get the ball rolling.

1. Start with one small shift

When you start with new awareness, add commitment, and are willing to be patient as you make small shifts, you will begin to experience meaningful change.

And you can build on that change over time.

Here is a great place to start:

Ask yourself what small change will have the biggest impact for you now?

Maybe it’s getting more sleep.

Maybe it’s speaking up more clearly and boldly for something important.

Maybe it’s saying “No” without feeling guilty.

Maybe you will choose something else.

Make a choice!

2. Focus on that change

To help you stay focused, make reminders for yourself.

Use your phone, or put colored post-it notes on your desk, your bathroom mirror, your coffee-maker, and your laptop.  

You can ask for help from a trusted friend. They can be a sounding board, and might text you every day at a particular time to see how it’s going. 

Be creative and have fun with ways to keep yourself focused on this meaningful change.

3. Make a plan

For instance, if more rest is key for you now, will you get to bed earlier? Might you take a power nap at a time when your energy drops?

If you want to feel less discomfort saying “No,” you might journal in the morning and write about why it is important for you to stop crowding your days with obligations to others, rather than yourself.

Then, if you know a request is pending, or someone is waiting for an answer, or you simply want to be forearmed, take some time to practice kind ways to decline the request. 

4. Track your progress

Subtle changes can be hard to notice. Keep a small journal, or a running record on a device, to record the daily efforts you make and the outcomes you experience.

Take note of what works and what does not meet your expectations so you build on positive approaches. And note specific outcomes as they occur. 

If you have an accountability buddy or a coach, ask for feedback as you share your progress and your outcomes.

And acknowledge your progress — even small shifts are worthy of celebrating! It is the small shifts that become new habits, and your new normal. 

5. Keep going!

As you bring small changes into your life, and experience the way they enhance your wellbeing, momentum will build.

You will be ready to identify and embrace new changes you want to make, and you will likely feel increased confidence and enthusiasm about pursuing them.

This is how living big works.

As we each expand and live the satisfying life we desire today, we see more and more opportunity ahead.

We can all continue to step up and live with even more passion and authenticity and joy. And our impact is amplified as we continue to shine more and more brightly.

I invite you to join me on this path of expansion. My dream is for all of us to live all of our greatness. Let’s Live Big together!

(And if you’d like to share your vision of your biggest life, I’d be delighted to hear about it. Email me and we’ll make a date to talk.)

The power of YES

Do you say “Yes” to yourself?

For what do you say “Yes” to yourself — and how often?

And how big are your yeses?

I pose these questions because I frequently observe great women who say yes to other people, yes to requests and demands, and yes to undertaking tasks all the time, yet they do not comfortably and easily say yes to themselves, or yes to what they desire.

Many women are not clear about what they really want, or if they are, they feel it is unrealistic to expect that realizing their desires is possible.

Do you agree that these are, sadly, missed opportunities? 

When I imagine a world where more women bring all of their greatness forward, and are filled with positive energy, confidence and joy as they do it — so they live big! — it quickens my heart and brings a huge smile to my face.  

I want to tell you about a remarkable group of women who said yes to themselves in a big way, and what that looked like.

Three days that changed six lives

Six remarkable women said “Yes” to getting crystal clear about their vision for themselves in the months and year ahead, and “Yes” to determining what it will take to make that vision a reality.

They said “Yes” to embarking on a process of self-discovery and finding their truth — the gamut of their truth (the exciting and inspiring, and the painful truth, too). They were willing to find and grapple with all of it. 

They showed up for themselves and were willing to go deep. They stayed in the process when it they hit tender places and rejoiced in the aha moments and the play and fun of creating in powerful experiences.

They all said “Yes” to being a part of the Live Big Live! retreat we shared this past weekend — a program that started with a six-week gentle journey of self-discovery and culminated in life-changing breakthroughs that were made at the retreat.

The women shared and supported each other with love and generosity throughout the experience. They pushed their edges. They created. They discovered. They declared. They each set a course for how they will make their visions a reality.

They made commitments to themselves— often in ways they did not expect before they embarked on the journey.

All of the clarity that emerged for them inspired them to leave the retreat with huge appreciation for and excitement about all that they can and want to BE, all they can and want to DO, and all that they can and want to HAVE, to create a truly fulfilling future.

It was a joy and an honor to usher in these tremendous insights and to guide and mentor these fabulous women.

Is this your time to say “Yes”?

At each of the three Live Big Live! retreats I offer each year I witness transformations and joy, and this spring retreat was simply fantastic.

Check out the photos below to get a peek at what happened this weekend, and to see some of the amazing art that was created.

And read what a few of the participants had to say at the close of the retreat.

Are you curious about what this opportunity might mean for you?

Let me know if you feel the call (or even a small whisper) to say a bigger “Yes!” to yourself.

I am already meeting with women to see if the Fall Live Big Live! is a fit for them, and I would be happy for you to share what you desire and what’s in your way now.

I can tell you more about the program. And if you are interested, we can determine together if Live Big Live! may provide you the breakthroughs to help you create your most fulfilling life.

Email me and we'll make a date.

Here are some of the thoughts that were shared at the end of the Spring Live Big Live! retreat:

“This work is beautiful — filled with love, grace and help. It is life altering! Rochelle’s program has lead me through what could have been a disheartening journey. The work with her, and having this experience, provides me with a constructive, creative, enjoyable process of self-discovery and learning to live more expansively and completely.”

“Rochelle provides a supportive environment to go deeper, gain clarity and move your life forward. She sees people. She gives them the freedom and space to let down their guard, and the love and attention to grapple with some really substantial life questions. We all find more of our truth, more of ourselves, and grow.”

“The Live Big Live! retreat experience gives you the time you need to gain a better understanding of who you are and what you want. The retreat provides a space in which to explore what might be holding you back from living the life you want and deserve.”

“This experience has changed me in so many ways! This work opens you up to yourself, to your dreams and your goals, and it gets you there gently, steadily, and with so much love. I truly feel I can achieve what I dream of accomplishing. Rochelle is an incredibly gifted and magnificent coach. I also love being surrounded by such amazing women in this supportive space.”

Turn pain into possibility

So many of us get stuck when we feel anger, pain, frustration and bitterness.

Last week, I wrote about why it’s important to fully feel and release difficult emotions, and shared ways to do that so you can move forward. If you missed it, you may want to check out those tips.

Today we’ll dive into what to do once you have released the hold of the emotions, so that you can move ahead when you feel freer.

It’s time to take a new approach

Now that you feel free of the grip of bitterness/anger/disappointment, you have an opportunity to more clearly consider the dynamic that set off the reaction.

If what bothered you was something fleeting, like a remark from a rude stranger, it may have been easy to move on once you let yourself go all the way into your feelings and release them.

But what if you are faced with a situation that’s a recurring challenge — say, someone at work or in your family who behaves in ways that trouble you, or sees things differently than you do?

Nearly everyone experiences this kind of thing.

You may find it helpful to see this as an opportunity. I know that may sound crazy, but hear me out.

Consider these new ways of moving forward:

• You have an opportunity to calmly state your case or express your point of view or suggested next steps. This may call on you to have a conversation in a different way than in the past. Get help if you need it, to be able to show up calmly and speak your truth.

• You can set new boundaries with that person, to minimize the likelihood of repeats in the future. This can mean minimizing contact with that person or setting conditions for ways you will interact.

• You can set new energetic boundaries for yourself when you decide not let someone else’s actions cause you pain. To do this, you might try seeing the other person operating the best they can, with limitations or different standards than yours. See if you can take it less personally. You might also feel compassion for them and send them love. 

• Let go of doubt. It may feel odd to approach things in a new way, but with practice you will get better and better at using these tools and finding your strength in situations that are hard for you now.

• Do not rehash. It is easy to replay and ruminate in the pain, which makes it hard to let go of the pain. Having taken good steps forward, do your best not to talk and think about it.

You have the opportunity to create rather than react

Yes, rather than reacting to things that sting on the fly, you always have the opportunity to create new ways of responding and moving forward in your life.

And, in this case, when you start with expressive creativity (to feel the emotions and move them through you), and follow that step with creating new ways to approach challenges in the future, you are creating the best possible conditions to support your wellbeing. 

With practice this process gets easier

Depending on the painful situations you face, the methods described last week and here may work perfectly the first time, or they may take ongoing practice — as has been my experience. 

If you keep in mind that your objective is to protect and strengthen your energy, and support your wellbeing so that you can bring all of your power into everything you do, you will find these approaches easier to master.

If you’d like support with any of this work, email me and we'll make a date to talk.

How to loosen the grip of painful feelings

It’s easy to get derailed by interactions and events that feel upsetting.

Whether it is in a moment when someone cuts you off in traffic, or when you interact with a person you know well who says or does something hurtful (often repeating a pattern of behaviour that has hurt before) it is easy to feel angry, bitter, shaken, wounded.

And while those feelings are valid and not to be brushed aside, there are ways to process the emotions to move forward feeling lighter and better, that you may not have considered.

Today I will share some first steps you can take when you are faced with upsetting emotions.

And next week, I will provide additional guidance to help you move forward once the grip of the emotion is released.

Feel your feelings — and then release them

It is important to acknowledge and feel what you feel. It is also important to learn how to transform the challenging emotion at hand, so you can move forward free of it.

It can be tempting to brush painful feelings aside, assuming they will simply dissipate. But that’s actually an illusion. Troubled emotions that we do not honor and work through inevitably show up in ways that have a negative impact. 

Or, you may tightly hold on to tough emotions.

Perhaps the pain and anger you feel in a relationship with someone, or another ongoing situation, are so ingrained that those emotions pop up automatically at the smallest provocation.

Emotions like these need to be released so you can begin to disrupt the pattern.

Try using some or many of these tips and see what happens. 

Ways to process and release painful feelings

To feel the feelings, and fully express them to wring them out, you might:

• Sit and free-write in a journal.

• Go for a long walk in nature, or go for a run, if that's how you like to move energy. 

• Scream into a pillow, like a friend of mine recommends.

• Stand in the shower and scream or cry out the emotions you feel. 

• Slam a stuffed doll at a table — over and over and over. 

• Crank up loud music and dance the emotions out.

• Make a series of hideously ugly drawings to wring out all the painful emotions. (This is one of my favorite techniques!)

It is important to let yourself go all the way into the emotions and use the way or ways that work best for you to let as much of it go as possible.

The process takes practice to master

You may find yourself needing to do multiple rounds, or trying multiple approaches, until you feel you have worked through and emptied as much of the unpleasant emotion as possible.

Situations that ignite difficult emotions can come at us unexpectedly. When they do pop up, be patient with yourself. Building awareness and carving out space to address those powerful emotions will help you feel better and think more clearly.

Next week, I will share approaches you can take that will build on this foundation of releasing the emotional charge.

Until then, have a great week.

(And if you’re ready to live your biggest, best life, you can book a quick call with me to talk about what that can look like.)

What does “commitment” mean to you?

Maybe you are a bit of a word nerd like I am.

The word “commitment” comes up in my life and my work with clients remarkably often, so I decided to took a look at the definition.

Here’s how the Cambridge Dictionary defines “commitment”:

• a promise or firm decision to do something

• willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in

• something that you must do or deal with that takes your time

This is a powerful word, and one I do not take lightly.

A promise is something serious and sacred. 

A firm decision is not always easy to make, but when you do make one it’s a big deal.

Willingness entails embracing the unknown and engaging in the work to make your decision become a reality.

And the process nearly always takes time.

We juggle lots of commitments

The accomplished women I work with are typically loaded with commitments.

They do work that is important and often demanding.

Most have families that entail commitments.

Many volunteer in a range of ways. 

And many want to make (or try and keep) commitments to themselves. They aim to focus on self-care, or passion projects, or more space for joy, and many find those commitments at the bottom of the list.

What true commitment looks like.

Every commitment is a promise, and there are only so many promises we can make and keep.

The key is to choose your commitments based on what is really important to you, and what is realistic for you now — so you can keep the promises. 

Choosing your commitments with care is the key to seeing them through.

The commitments you make will vary in size. The mix has to add up to what you can not only do, but do with joy.

Here are some examples of commitments I have witnessed that may inspire you.

1. Finding a new direction

More than one client I’ve worked with realized that burnout was taking a toll that was intolerable. The first commitment each made was to find a new path that would be fulfilling and sustainable — both personally and financially. Next came a willingness to embark on creating something new. Learning curves were daunting at times. Determination, patience and support were needed to launch new consulting practices. The outcomes have been tremendous for all of them.

2. Creating what their hearts desire

Two clients are leaders with demanding roles, in positions they care about and are great at. And, both have a deep passion (and talent!) for work that is quite different from their “day jobs”. Both are committed to nurturing and building the businesses they are truly passionate about. It entails careful decision-making and focus, as they honor what they truly love and plan to transition to consulting for their organizations. They will then make the work they are deeply passionate about their primary professional focus.

3. Reshaping work and life

Several entrepreneurs have realized they want to reshape their businesses to be more fulfilling, sustainable and lucrative. They have committed to getting clear about what they truly want and exploring avenues for change. The decisions are big and the executions need to be carefully and courageously carried out. It is exciting to see them commit to the process and reap the rewards.

Choose your commitments

Consider commitments in many sizes and flavors.

Maybe you want to commit to something small and meaningful, such as getting outdoors to walk every day, rain or shine.

Maybe you want to commit to withdrawing (with kindness) from things you said “Yes” to but realize they are not aligned for you, or you said yes to please someone, or you know it is not realistic for you to follow though with.

Maybe your new commitment will be to gracefully say “No” to anything that will overload you.

After you choose a small new commitment to bring into your life, consider the bigger commitments you long to make.

Don’t be shy.

You, too, can make meaningful new commitments and live your biggest life!

Get through any struggle with these 5 steps

All of us wrestle with things that are tricky to navigate, or find ourselves in situations where communication is challenging, or on paths with obstacles we need to navigate. 

Sometimes there’s a tough decision or choice to be made. Sometimes there is someone in a dynamic with whom we do not see eye-to-eye. Sometimes an important boundary needs to be set and held. 

It is easy to feel engulfed in emotion, indecision, frustration, and even anger. 

Stress mounts, and stress can cloud your thinking. That makes things even harder. Stress can highjack your attention to a degree that you miss out on positive experiences and possibilities. 

Can you relate? 

Maybe something like that is happening right now, or a situation in the past springs to mind. 

As a coach, I support great women as they move through all sorts of challenges. And I, too, face challenges like these. 

Here are steps to take that I use, that may help you move through and forward to minimize struggle.

Follow these 5 steps to get started

1. Make space to pause and think clearly

In stressful situations, it’s tempting to push forward and act on your first impulse. 

When you choose to sit quietly and think, you can aim to consider the situation free of emotion (whether it’s fear, anger, or frustration at another person or the situation). 

You may want to journal, or take a brisk walk to clear your head. 

Can you reframe your take on things, or gain more perspective on all of it? You may want to ask someone to help you see things with keener objectivity.

2. Make a plan

This is the time to chart a course forward.

From a place of calm and greater clarity, perhaps having considered multiple possibilities, you may realize you want help from someone with particular expertise or experience. 

What is the best approach you can determine now? What boundaries and guardrails will be important to put in place? 

Your plan may not be “perfect” or work out smoothly. That’s ok. 

The key is to get things started, knowing you can make adjustments and modifications as events unfold.

3. Take action

With a plan of action in hand, it is time to implement.

Seek out resources you may need. 

When written and/or verbal communication are needed, aim for clarity free of judgement or drama. 

And be aware that as you move forward you may well find yourself returning to steps 1 and 2. (Or, remind yourself that you can use those steps again!)

4. Process your emotions

As noted in item 1 above, a range of emotions can be present at the start of the process, and emotions will continue to be a factor until — and even after — there is resolution. 

Processing your emotions as you move forward is important. Trying to ignore your feelings, or deny them, may seem expedient, but is not advised.

Take time to be with the fear, or frustration, or disappointment, or anger.

• Some people scream into a pillow.

• Some get the emotion out by running or hitting the gym.

• Some pour their emotions onto pages in a journal or onto a canvas in hideous colors.

• Some ask a trusted friend to let them vent. 

Find what works for you and give yourself time to wring it all out. You may need to repeat the process. It is rare that one round does the trick. 

Your objective is to get to a place where the charge is released, your heart feels open, and you can think as calmly and clearly as possible.

5. Stay in the process until it is resolved

It’s easy to initiate a plan, gain some traction and want things to be ”done” before they are, in fact, resolved.

Even if you feel impatient, even if the process is uncomfortable or becomes more uncomfortable over time, stay committed to seeing it through to a point of resolution.  

Be sure to include step 6: Let go!

When you have reached a resolution, whether you feel great, or disappointed, or anything in between, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you worked for the best outcome and did it with integrity. 

And mixed or negative emotions may linger. 

The biggest gift you can give yourself is to let go of any emotions that are not supporting you to be your best, to do your best, and to be as happy as possible. 

Use the suggestions in number 4 above to help yourself, so you do not feel stuck or rehash things in ways that hamper you. 

When you release any lingering emotions that diminish your wellbeing, you make precious space in your life for more goodness and more opportunities. 

And who doesn’t want more of that?

One last thing! There is still a spot available for Live Big Live! this spring. If you have been thinking this could be your time to step into creating your most fulfilling, empowered future, email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

What if it was easy?

We often start a tightly-scheduled day, or have a new project to tackle, and feel that it will be hard. It does not seem possible to squeeze everything on the list into the hours of the day ahead. The new project is complex and feels daunting.

I was accustomed to thinking things would be hard for most of my life.

I looked at my schedule and felt heavy thinking about how hard it was going to be to get so many things done on time.

I thought about a new project with worry about how I would get all the facts, create a plan, recruit the right people and resources, and execute on the plan by the deadline.

That mental starting point, that heaviness and concern, set me up for struggle — until I learned that there was another way to consider “challenges” like these.

A great question changed everything

In a conversation with my coach a few years back, I was sharing how burdened I felt by many things on my to-do list, about looming deadlines, about how to figure out some things that were stumping me.

She paused and asked me a great question:

“What if it was easy?”

I was taken aback! I had never considered that any of those things might be easy, or could be easy.

I was in the habit of thinking about things as being hard to do, and hard to get done in the midst of a busy day (and my busy life).

It can be easier than you think

When I shifted to considering “What if it was easy?” and telling myself, “This can be easy,” my world changed!

I began approaching my to-do list with a lightness I’d rarely felt on hectic days. I now look at my calendar and my to-do lists and think to myself that I can certainly move through the events and tasks with ease.

I also begin with positive, optimistic and excited energy as I embark on big new projects. 

And by making those shifts I have been rewarded in wonderful ways.

Most tasks feel manageable and get completed with ease. For those that require more time and effort, for whatever reason, I stay relaxed and they go much more smoothly than in the past.

At the end of the day I am less depleted and I have enjoyed my work!

And when I begin new projects that are complex and important (as I will do later today), my frame of mind is more playful, open and excited. I begin with the expectation that it can, indeed, be easy to approach and complete. I enjoy the process of jumping in to new projects.

Add another positive thought to the equation

There is another new way of thinking that combines brilliantly with, “What if it was easy?”

I suggest you start each day with the thought:

“I have an abundance of time!”

Embracing this belief makes an enormous difference for me, enabling me to move through my days with so much more ease. 

Combining the two statements removes stress and increases both productivity and satisfaction in remarkable ways. 

My clients swear by the power of embracing these two statements, too.

Test it for yourself

I invite you to try making these two ideas — separately and in combination — a regular part of your approach to your day.

You can download the graphic below. Why not print it and post where you can see it every day so that it serves as a welcome reminder?

I predict that it will not be long until these new thoughts become familiar and will have a positive impact for you. 

I would be delighted to hear from you when you bring these ideas into daily practice. Email me to let me know if they boost your day-to-day wellbeing.