How to stay steady in a peak emotional time

If you feel like most people I know, the last days and weeks have been incredibly challenging. On top of concerns about increasing COVID cases, extreme weather, and escalating political tension, election day — tomorrow — is filling most of us with intense emotion.

It feels to me like being in a state of suspended animation. Many people describe it as a collective holding of breath.

And holding your breath for any extended period of time — either physically or metaphorically — is never a good idea.

Why?

When you hold your breath for more than a short time, a cascade of problematic physical responses result. You decrease oxygen flow to the brain, your heart rate drops, CO₂ and other dangerous gases build up in your blood, and none of that is healthy.

And when you feel as though you are holding your breath emotionally, you put yourself in a heightened state of anxiety. Anxiety impacts your mood, and it also impacts your body. Your heart may pound, you may develop headaches, experience GI problems, have trouble sleeping, and more.

Today, and in the days to come, you can support yourself to stay emotionally steady with these 3 practices.

1. Start breathing with intention

Yes, your breath is a tool that can help you in many ways. When you breathe deeply and slowly, the stress responses in your body are reduced.

Sit quietly for a minute or two — or a bit longer. Breathe in fully, all the way into your belly. Pause a moment and then exhale very slowly. As few as three long slow belly breaths like this will help.

As you breathe this way, you will feel a gentle release of tension. Let your shoulders drop and relax. Aim to bring that softness into all the muscles in your body — from the top of your head, to your jaw and neck, and down to your toes.

Repeat breathing breaks like this often.

2. Move your body

Choose a way that appeals to you to get yourself in motion.

If you are a runner, or love yoga, those are great ways to get moving. But there are very simple ways that work well, too.

In just five to 10 minutes you can stretch and shake out your body. Get some music on and dance. Or take a brisk walk around the block.

Getting the blood flowing like this releases natural chemicals that enhance your sense of well-being.

3. Get creative

When you start creating you have a great outlet for anxiety or other difficult emotions.

You can write a poem or pour your thoughts out in a journal. Try using color and draw or paint. You might cook, play music, dance, sing, garden, build something, knit, or create in any way you can think of.

Why not invite someone to create with you? Is there someone you live with who would enjoy sharing some creative time mid-day? Or take a short creative break on Zoom with a friend or a small group.

Creating is a remarkable effective way to unload big emotion, feel more energy and maybe even feel joy.

Whatever happens in the world around us, we need to be our best selves.

We all need to show up, we all need to go on. We need to bring our best selves to everything we do.

Start with you.

When you are on steady footing, you will be a better leader to everyone around you.

You will be a better partner and friend, a better parent, a better colleague, and better at the work you do in the world. Your work matters now as much or more than ever.

We have all lived through fraught times before. We can move forward in the face of challenges.

On this important day remember that we all need to keep leading.

That’s how we move into a better future.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Who do you need to BECOME to live big now?

Here we are, in the last week of October, looking ahead to a momentous election and the last 2 months of 2020.

Yup, there are only 65 days left in this year.

You may be hearing and reading about meeting end-of-year sales goals and doing year-end assessments.

Maybe you are thinking back to the ambitions you had for this year that got interrupted, and perhaps derailed, by the pandemic.

Rather than feeling stressed or anxious, I am offering you a couple of questions to consider:

What will help you to end the year on a strong note? 

What states of mind, what ways of being, can you address now, to make these last 2 months the best they can be — and to be your most resourceful and resilient self as you move into 2021?

As you read these questions, are you wondering how to start thinking about answering them? 

Consider this.

Your state of being is key to the quality of your life

Your state of being — how you show up in the world, your mindset each day — is the foundation upon which everything rests. It impacts your relationships, your work, your personal well-being — your entire life.

To BECOME more grounded, clear and confident, follow these 3 steps.

Step 1: Assess your current state

Take a look at this list of common challenges and consider which are limiting you now. (Trust me, we all are hampered by some or many of these, to one degree or another!) 

How many of these trouble you?

• A lack of confidence

• Feeling unmotivated

• People pleasing

• Putting yourself last

• Skipping self-care

• Comparing yourself to others, making you feel like you are not good enough

• Feeling like an imposter

• Difficulty setting healthy boundaries

• Feeling indecisive

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Feeling fearful

Mindset challenges like these are likely to have been in place long before the pandemic, though they may now be more of a hindrance. Or maybe some new ones have recently cropped up for you.

And maybe you are thinking of a challenge that is not on this list. If so, make a note of it now.

Next, jot down all of the challenges that hamper you these days. And for each one, note the level of negative impact they have for you.

Use a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most distressing.

Are you surprised at what you see?

If your list is long, or the scale is high, do not feel discouraged. You now have more clarity — that’s a good thing! — and you can begin to move forward to address these limitations.

Step 2: Focus on small change for one challenge 

With the clarity you have now, consider the single biggest limiting mindset challenge you identified — or the one that feels most urgent to address.

Yes, it can be big work to address such challenges. And I am glad to tell you that making change like this is doable — but the most effective way do it is to bring your attention to making small, focused changes to one thing at a time.

It’s tempting to try and change many things at once, but that’s not wise. When you are scattered and inconsistent in your efforts you are unlikely to achieve the changes you desire. That leads to feeling discouraged and giving up.

Begin by paying attention to the one thing you most want to address now.

And do not minimize the importance of taking very small steps to start shifting into a better frame of mind.

Consider taking small steps like these

When you feel overwhelmed, indecisive, or feel hampered by any of the stresses listed above, try adopting a conscious practice like simply slowing down and taking 2 to 3 minutes to breathe in quiet. Done consistently, this can be a surprisingly fast way to connect to your calm, wise self. It will help you more than you might imagine.

Or, if you are skimping on self-care, or notice you are people-pleasing, or realize that you frequently put yourself last, consider ways to treat yourself with more self-love. You might schedule 10 minutes for yourself each day — be it to soak in a tub before bed, to read quietly, or to take a mid-day walk. 

Small practices like these, when regularly incorporated into your life, will have a meaningful impact.

You may also want to look at the helpful practices and exercises I’ve included in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to help you address and overcome the limitations that concern you. Choose the practices you feel will most help you to make the changes you seek.

Step 3: Keep going, even if you are not always consistent!

When you bring commitment to incorporating a new practice into your life — even if you do it imperfectly and miss a day here and there — be sure to acknowledge yourself for making that commitment.

It’s when you get back on track and continue to build new practices that meaningful change becomes your new normal.

Much like brushing your teeth each day, you will soon stop needing to remind yourself to take those breaks, or treat yourself well, or set healthy boundaries. Practices like these become your new way of being, and you are then able to bring attention to the next area where you seek to make change. 

Can you imagine what it can look to become more of the woman you want to be by the end of 2020?

What would it look like for you to show up and do what’s important to you without those old ways of being?

What might your new year look like if you were able to shift into being a creator of the life you want, rather than feeling like it’s so hard to make the moves you long for?

Begin now! Start to take small steps to become all you yearn to be.

There’s no time like the present to get started.

And if you want personal support, to help you overcome the limitations that are hampering you with more ease and consistency, let’s make a date for a complimentary Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I’ll be happy to help you gain insights and new perspectives about the challenges that limit you and how you can move forward in your life in exciting ways.

And, if we both think the fit is right, I can share the way that my new signature program, Live Big Live!, might help you become a powerful creator of the future you yearn for.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Do you talk a good game? How to get into action!

Are you someone who talks a good game, but the reality is often that there’s more talk than action?

If so, you are not alone. I see accomplished people do this all the time.

They talk about starting a new, consistent exercise program, or networking more (for business development or to start a job search), or scheduling a long overdue medical appointment, or making time for a deep dive into a new interest, or meditating regularly, or researching something new.

Sometimes they’ve looked into the best places to network, but never registered to attend an event.

Many have thought long and hard about how and when and for how long to meditate, and maybe even asked around and downloaded a good app, but never actually started a meditation practice.

Some have purchased all the supplies needed for a new project, but have never used them.

The sad repercussions of never starting, or stalling out

When we declare that we want to do something — saying it only to ourselves, or telling others — and then do not follow through, a downward cycle can take root.

We feel frustrated and disappointed in ourselves. If we have told other people, we are likely to feel embarrassed, and even ashamed.

The voice of the self-critic inevitably starts to hammer away.

We berate ourselves, we lose confidence, we can lose hope. We compare ourselves to others. We can not only feel stuck, we can get demoralized.

As this kind of negative thinking continues, it becomes increasingly hard to get started, or to resume an early effort.

Action is the answer.
You can create the ideal conditions to ease your way.

I’m glad to tell you that there is a three-part formula to pull out of feeling stuck and frustrated.

Here is how to lay a solid foundation for taking action:

Begin with willingness

Change, growth, or anything you really want can only occur if you are willing to embrace the unknown and engage in the effort.

If it’s important enough to you to step out of your comfort zone, you have the first step in place.

Add belief

You need to believe that you matter, and that you deserve the thing you want, and that you can be a creator of what is important to you.

We become what we believe.

Can you believe in yourself, and believe that it’s possible to take a small step forward — even when it feels challenging? 

Now it's time to commit

With willingness and belief in place, commitment is the final ingredient that is needed to move forward from concept (thinking about it, wishing for it, talking about it) to taking consistent action that will bring results.

Three keys to implementing an action plan

The idea of taking action, when you’ve struggled, can feel intimidating. We tend to feel that big bold action is what’s needed, and is all that counts.

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while, you will not be surprised to read points one and two. Add the third step and you’ll be on your way to sustained action.

1. Imperfect action is the perfect way to begin

The feeling that you need to do things perfectly, right from the start, can keep you from starting at all. We put so much pressure on ourselves!

The key is to embrace imperfect action. 

When you set out to write a crummy first draft, or imperfectly test the waters in any other way, you give yourself permission to do that thing badly. With that expectation, it’s so much easier to start.

When you start anything, you are in motion. You can then gain momentum with greater ease.

2. Small steps really work

People who have run marathons (and I am not among them!), have told me how they started by deciding to go for it, and running very short distances to start. They slowly built their endurance. I have one friend who began that way and went on to complete an Iron Man triathlon — and she had never run in her youth!

Small steps are powerful. There’s no need to start big, which can lead to frustration and can make that thing you want to do feel unattainable.

If, for example, you want to start a meditation practice, you might start by planning to sit quietly for 5 minutes twice a week. Experiment. What’s the best the time of day for you? You might try both silent and guided meditation. Find a setting that works best for you. You can gradually increase the number of minutes and/or number of times per week from there. 

3. Stick with it until you hit your stride

A client of mine reminded me of this point in a coaching session this morning. She had taught yoga, and she told her students they needed to take 10 classes before they would know if yoga was for them or not.

When you experience a yoga class on different days, your body is in a different state each time you get on the mat. If you take just one class and decide it’s not for you, you miss the experience of your body opening to this new practice over time. 

As a painter, I had a similar experience. It was in committing to enrolling in a painting class for a full semester that I was able to slowly find my way and realize that I wanted painting to be an ongoing part of my life.

Is this the day you will move from talk to action? 

If you have been struggling to get something underway, try the steps outlined above. You may want to ask someone to be an accountability partner for you — to work on the same initiative in tandem, or simply be there for you to check in with, so you can more easily get started and stay on track.

And if you want focused support — and accountability — to start and sustain your efforts to bring important change into your life, let’s make a date for a complimentary Live Big Breakthrough Call. I’ll be happy to help you gain insights and new perspectives, to help you see how you can move forward in your life in exciting ways. And, if we both think the fit is right, I can share the ways we might work together.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Have you thought about the choices you are making?

Welcome to October! I am feeling joy and gratitude when I am in the splendor of nature in all its glory. Color fills my view each time I step outside, and my heart swells!

This upbeat feeling is especially appreciated as the emotional intensity in the world around us seems to be escalating daily. How can we find, and hold, energy that lights us up, that keeps us grounded, rather than being pulled into the chaotic energy that abounds? 

Your choices impact your outlook

You see what you look for

Have you stopped to consider where you tend to put your attention? When you look for beauty (of any kind) you see more of it. And the more you look for, the more you see, the happier it makes you.

This works in much the same way when you choose to listen to uplifting stories or music, or choose to create meals with colors and aromas and flavors that especially delight you.

You can choose with whom to spend time

Think about the people you choose to be with and the kinds of conversations you choose to have. These choices have a huge impact on the way you feel and the way you see the world.

We all know people who bring us down. Their negativity can pull you in and be hard to shake. If someone like that is a family member with whom you want to be in contact, limit the exposure — or better yet, try and steer conversations in a positive direction.

Focus on connecting to people who lift you up. Who can you think of who sees the world as a place filled with inspiring stories and possibilities, even in hard times?

You can say “No” to news overload

Just as we can focus on interacting with people who lift our spirits and inspire a positive outlook, we can limit the time we spend listening to, watching and reading the news.

We can also carefully choose sources for news that are free of hype and bias. 

If you have not yet tried going on a “news diet” it may feel like a challenge. More and more people are finding this to be a great way to keep themselves positively focused.

You get to make new choices

Why not try some of these ideas and see what happens?

• If you have been cooped up inside, spend more time outside.

• If you have been feeling low, read something inspiring, watch a great TED talk, listen to a fascinating podcast, or dive into a creative project and express yourself.

• If online TV binges have made you feel sluggish, get curious about something new. Read about it, find demo videos, or give a new technique a try. (Maybe you will take up a new craft, cook a new cuisine, learn to build something, plant bulbs, study a period of history, pick up an instrument you haven’t touched in ages...)

• If you feel lonely or isolated, look for ways to make virtual connections or find like-minded communities of people online.

• If you are concerned about the election and the world around you, take action. You might volunteer for a campaign or to support voting rights. You can register to be on the next Creators of Change call. There are many incredible ways to get involved, rather than letting distress bring you down.

What choices will you make today? 

No matter the externalities, you always get to choose the way you see the world, and the way you can live through each day.

Making thoughtful choices aimed at supporting a positive frame of mind will impact everything in your life.

Leave a comment or email me and let me know how your choices are making a difference.

And if you want to talk about how to usher meaningful change into your life, we can make a date for a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I will help you gain clarity and insights about what is in the way of you stepping into the big life you yearn to make your reality.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you looking for inspiration and light?

Poster available from Society 6

If you are feeling deeply concerned, as I am, about the state of our nation and the world, you may be sad, anxious, discouraged or worse. You are not alone.

In my article and blog post last week, I wrote about choosing optimism, using the pain of a broken heart to fuel passion, how we have agency in our lives and can always take action, that we can create inspiration, and the power of both community and love are vast.

I needed to reread it today, and to think more about where inspiration and motivation for action can be found now.

Because when I feel so overwhelmed at the injustice around me and the horror of over 200,000 lives lost and countless lives impacted by COVID, and feel alarming concern that the fundamentals of our democracy are more at risk than ever, I need inspiration. I need to find ways to help myself, and to help others, from becoming gripped with fear.

My book, Live Big, has a chapter about how to live without fear. And I think it’s a good chapter. But the fear so many of us are living with now is of a different nature than what I wrote about — long before we found ourselves at this stunning moment in history.

Where I am turning for inspiration now

I am finding hope, strength and optimism from all that I am reading and hearing about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

This remarkable woman was a fearless and tireless advocate for what she believed in, and it’s because of her commitment to equality that we have rights many people don’t even know were not always available to us.

Here are just a few examples. 

Widowed men now get Social Security benefits accrued by their deceased wives to help them raise their children. Women can apply for and get credit cards and mortgages without a male co-signer, and can have credit cards and mortgages in their own names. Women in the military now get equal housing allowances to men.

And, I have learned, that her passionately written dissenting opinions over the years, later influenced positive legal changes. 

She brought her passion and brilliance to everything she did. She was committed to pursuing what she believed was right and just, and we are all the beneficiaries of her tireless work.

And, she famously had a close relationship with Antonin Scalia, with whom she sharply differed on many legal matters. This is something one can hardly imagine in today’s polarized atmosphere.

I am looking for the light and committed to being the light

There is always light to be found when we look for it. 

Where can you find inspiration and a positive way forward now?

And, we can each be the light. 

We can stay inspired, and we can stay in action — by speaking up about what matters to us, by helping people to vote, by helping to help elect candidates we believe will restore our country’s values, and by continuing to do our important work in the world. 

In all of these ways we are the light for others.

This may be the inspiration you need today

Paraphrasing something that is beautifully explained, I want to share this final insight with you.

You may have heard people say, when speaking about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death, “May her memory be for blessing.” 

This does not mean “May we remember her fondly” or “May her memory be a blessing to us.” The blessing implied is this: may you be like Ruth. 

Jewish thought teaches that when a person dies, it is up to those who bear her memory to keep her goodness alive. We do this by remembering her, we do this by speaking her name, we do this by carrying on her legacy. We do this by continuing to pursue justice, righteousness, and sustainability. 

So, when you hear people say “May her memory be for blessing” don’t hear “It's nice to remember her.” Rather, hear “It’s up to us to carry on her legacy.”

May her memory be for blessing. 
May her memory be for revolution. 
May we become a credit to her name.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How we can move through this time of change

September is a time for new beginnings of all kinds. Even if you were not among those fortunate to have been able to get away this summer, or if life feels like a long string of similar days, there’s a shift that most of us feel after Labor Day.

Interconnected themes and inspiration have been showing up for me recently, that I am glad to share. 

7 things I am thinking about in this time of transition

1. We can choose optimism or pessimism. 

In his sermon on Rosh Hashana (the Jewish holiday to welcome the Jewish new year), our rabbi talked about optimism and pessimism. He pointed out that both can exist simultaneously, and that both can be motivators to take action. I would add that we always get to choose the frame for how we want to look at the world.

2. A broken heart can fuel passion. 

I heard the heartbreaking news about Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s death just after our Rosh Hashana evening service ended on Friday night. RBG was a giant of a woman who was fearlessly and passionately committed to work for equality and justice. We have the opportunity, and responsibility, to continue the work she advanced with so much grace, talent, tenacity and determination.

3. We have agency and we can take action. 

It’s easy to fall into despair when there are so many big issues on our minds. Regardless of the frame we chose as motivation (optimism or pessimism), when we think about what great people like Ruth Bader Ginsberg were able to accomplish, we can step up and take action to make this a better world. While few of us will have an opportunity like sitting on the Supreme Court, all of us can take action. History offers us many examples about how the combined efforts of great numbers of people have brought meaningful change to the world. 

4. When you look for it, you can find inspiration. 

I heard Brené Brown’s Unlocking Us podcast with Sonya Renee Taylor yesterday, talking about the book The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. The conversation they had about this book was mind-expanding. Taylor takes the concept of self-love, that I teach in my work, to remarkable new heights. Opportunities to hear conversations like this can change the frame through which we see and understand the world, and ourselves. 

5. We can create inspiration. 

At my monthly IgNight Creative Evening on Thursday, when we created together on Zoom, the energy was electric. The theme for the evening was “reframing.” We expressed in words, we drew abstract concepts, and we dove into a great way to explore with color. We played and experimented. We shared and inspired one another. The uplifting spirit of the evening made me think about the opportunities we have to bring light and fun into many parts of our lives.

6. There is great power in community. 

The pandemic made it impossible to be with my community for services on Friday and Saturday. It made it impossible to be with family and friends after my mother’s death last month. It made it impossible to have IgNight in my studio. It has made it impossible to meet in person with colleagues and clients. And yet, we have been connected, and we’ve shared in community in new ways. And while some of what we miss when not in the same room is a loss, we have had new benefits. We can now connect with people who are located well beyond what would be possible in person. And the connections are deep and satisfying, even when we only see each other on a screen.

7. The power of love is vast.

Love is the thread that connects and inspires everything in my life. I believe that when we lead with love, when we look at the world through the lens of love, when we take action fueled by love, and when we bring love into everything we do, we live our biggest and best lives. 

How are you moving through this time of change?

What are you seeing and experiencing now? Are you feeling optimistic or pessimistic? Are you inspired to take action in your life? Are you motivated to impact something in the world? 

Drop me a note or leave a comment to let me know.

And if you want to talk about how to bring new inspiration into your life, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. 

I would be delighted to help you gain insight and clarity about what may be hampering you or changes you are seeking to make, and how you can bring new inspiration and intentional change into your life. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Use these 3 steps to move from despair to inspiration

Have you stopped to consider that there is nearly always more than one way to look at things?

I have become even more alert to the possibilities of looking at things through a different lens recently, and it has shifted so much for me.

Examples of issues we can look at in new ways, that quickly come to mind, relate to many big tensions in the world around us.

The ongoing pandemic, the political climate as the election nears, deep concerns about environmental change as we see storms and fires fiercer than ever before, and a renewed focus on demanding the end to social and racial injustice are some of the big challenges.

For many people, the sense of overwhelm is huge. And it’s exhausting. 

It’s absolutely normal to feel concerned about such important matters, but there are options and opportunities to rise above the despair.

We get to chose the way we look at things,
and we can chose the way we respond

When we are able to stay calm and clear-headed, we think better. This allows us to stop being reactive. And from that calmer starting point, we can think positively.

We can make better decisions.

When we avoid spinning into despair, the choices we are able to make for what to do next can be more meaningful, and they can have more impact.

As a glass-half-full person, I realize I have an advantage. But anyone can decide to chose the lens through which to look at things.

Here is how you can make a positive shift.

1. Create the best environment for your wellbeing

We create our experiences, and we create our environment.

Things to delete

News cycles and social media feeds can be toxic. They are built to bombard us with sensationalized information and hype.

I am keen to be informed, but I (and many others) have found that going on a “news diet” has worked wonders. A check-in with a source you trust, once or twice a day, is more than enough to keep up with current happenings.

And, limiting social media “rabbit-hole” excursions not only keeps overwhelm down, it gives you the gift of precious time.

Consider, too, the conversations you choose to have. You can establish boundaries with those who focus only on the negative, or worse yet, rant.

Filter out stressful influences like these for a few days and see what happens.

Things to add

We find what we look for and and what we focus on. And, the universe connects us to where we bring our attention, as well.

Here’s a great example.

While writing this article, I took a short break and my husband mentioned that he’d just read a great opinion piece that he thought I would find interesting. (He had no idea that I was writing on this topic!) 

The remarkable New York Times opinion piece, titled, The Outrage Diet, is chock full of inspiring ideas about what to do to limit the impact of all of the fury that is damaging people’s health and wellbeing. 

You can also actively seek out uplifting people and resources. Who do you know who is always inspiring you, or impressing you with fresh and uplifting ideas? What podcasts or writers bring you positive and informative perspectives? 

Brené Brown’s books and her new podcast, Unlocking Us, and Krista Tippett’s On Being site and podcasts, come quickly to mind. I find myself grateful when I choose resources like these.

You may also want to change what you read and watch for entertainment. Choose what will fill you with uplifting energy and inspiration.

And, I always advocate for adding creativity into your life. The more creativity (of any kind) you engage in, the more easily you can bring creative thinking to everything you do.

Which leads to my next recommendation:

2. Reframe whenever possible

If you saw the email I sent on Sunday about my weekly Creators of Change calls, you saw that I shared a remarkable and inspiring reframe for how to view the current political climate, and how we can move forward.

I shared the work of Valerie Kaur, whose TED talk (and the quote I had pulled from it) shifted my view in a dramatic way.

Valerie Kaur’s take on the way we can see — and impact — the world reminded me of another example I heard from a great coach of mine, that goes like this.

If you entered a room and saw a woman in the late stages of labor, you might declare, “There’s a woman in crisis in here!” But if you knew it was a birthing room, you would say, “There’s a woman in labor here.” Same woman, same event, and a different way of relating to and thinking about what you were seeing.

We have many opportunities to reframe. When we consider what is possible, rather than focusing only on what is problematic, we open our minds. We can see positive perspectives and think about positive things to do, rather than feeling stuck in despair.

3. Take action and see things improve

Action is the step that takes you from the starting point of seeing through a new lens to great outcomes.

The New York Times Opinion piece I recommended is chock full of excellent examples of action you can take when you feel overcome by outrage or despair.

Finding action to take to address a concern or improve a troubling situation — even in a small way — is empowering. 

The action can be to dive in and learn more, to reach out to someone, to make a donation, to start a new conversation, to share your ideas (like writing an opinion piece or blog post), and more. Commitment to making things better starts with one small action, and then staying in action.

I also recommend you check out this excellent article, that’s filled with creative ideas for how we can educate high school students in the age of COVID. This is an example of looking at an urgent issue through a new lens. And by adding creative thinking, and suggesting new action, the author has not only enriched us with his great ideas, he may positively impact the lives of vast numbers of students and teachers.

How will you see new possibilities?

What one small change can you make today to create a more positive environment and start seeing challenges in a new light? How can you bring fresh, creative thinking to something on your mind? What action can you take?

If you want to talk about how to bring these suggestions into your life, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be delighted to help you gain insight and clarity about changes you are seeking to make, and how you can live a more empowered life. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

My mother’s lessons for all of us

If you read the email I sent to my subscribers last week, you know that I lost my mother, Doris Berenholz, on August 21.

While this has been a very hard and very sad week, it has also been eye opening in many ways.

I was enormously fortunate to have had my mother in my life for over 6 decades. She was 91 years old, and lived a full and rich life. And I am deeply grateful that my father is not only alive, but in good health. Not many people are so fortunate.

And, as much as I thought I knew what this week would bring, and thought that I knew my parents, I have learned so much that has deeply touched me.

Unexpected surprises

Because of COVID, we had a very small graveside funeral for my mother. As much as I missed being with more family and friends, the beautiful intimacy at the service, and in our time spent that afternoon in my sister's magical garden, was truly special. Dear cousins flew and drove to be with us, as did my son and his wife, despite the challenges of travel. And while we could not embrace, we held each other close in our hearts in a way that was remarkable. I hope that my mother's spirit could sense the love we all have for her, and the bonds of love between us.

I am a big believe in the power of love, but even I never expected it to be so palpably felt in this circumstance.

Also because of COVID, we were not able to welcome friends for shiva during the week. Zoom shivas have been going on for months, but this was the first time I was a mourner in such circumstances.

And there were gifts.

We were “with” family and friends from all over the world. That would never have been possible in “normal” times.

I was also able to see and hear from people who loved my mother, who I did not know, or had not seen in decades. One by one, they shared their remembrances of her — much of which I would likely have missed in a crowded room.

We leave a bigger legacy than we know

The most wonderful — and eye-opening — thing that happened, amidst the grief, was hearing so much, from so many people, about how my mother impacted their lives.

My mother touched people in so many lasting ways that I had never realized.

And much of what I did know and appreciate about her was described in ways that expanded and magnified the significance of her gifts.

Her generosity and her facility at starting — and maintaining — friendships was recounted in stories and with details I’d never heard.

She taught so many people meaningful things about cooking, art, and the ways that beauty enriches your life, that have impacted people’s entire lives. And her 70-year love affair with my father was noted as being a model for several marriages.

My mother helped people with advice about great ways to make their kitchens more efficient. She arranged people’s bookshelves with such beauty that they learned how to do the same elsewhere. She even sketched a guest house for cousins in France, that was built just as she drew it! She planned the interior, too, and that has made it a special, cherished place.

More than a few friends of mine and my sisters said they had always wanted to be the “the fourth Berenholz daughter” and live with my family. My mother was the person a number of teenage girls came to when they felt misunderstood by their parents. They also talked about all they learned from her, about art, food,  and surrounding yourself with beauty. One became an artist after my mother gave her an easel and oil paints. (All three of Mom’s daughters are artists, too.)

Girl Scouts from the troop she led in the 60’s talked about and sent us notes filled with stories. Her hikes and camping trips and love of nature, the work she had us do with orphans and foster children, and the ways she inspired each of them to follow their paths, changed their lives. She was less interested in having her scouts work toward merit badges; she cared about so much more than that.

What we can all learn from my mother

I do not think my mother had any idea of what an enormous legacy she left in the world. She was simply focused on all that she cared about: people, relationships, art, music, beauty, fine cooking, hospitality, nature, travel, social justice, and love.

The inspiration we can all take from her is to live a life that is true to who we are, and to savor each day. To share all of our gifts, and share them with a full heart. To love, and love more.

If we emulate her, when our time comes to an end, people will pour out stories about how we enriched their lives.

The ripple effect of a life well-lived, a life of love and generosity, is incalculable.

I am so grateful for all she taught me, and all the love she spread in the world.

What’s the legacy you want to create?

I can see how my mother’s influence played a huge role in bringing me to the woman I am today, doing the work I do in the world. I will be reflecting on this even more deeply in the days and weeks ahead.

If my mother’s story has prompted you to think more deeply about the life you want to life, and the legacy you want to leave, I invite you to spend some quiet time writing and exploring what emerges.

And if you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and how to get there, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be honored to help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, the changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to stay grounded when stress shows up

All of us have ups and downs. But in the times we have been living through, many of us find ourselves dealing with stress more frequently than in the pre-COVID era, or find ourselves stressed in response to situations that never existed before.

And, stress is not to be taken lightly or blithely brushed aside.

How stress takes a toll

When we are stressed, our bodies release hormones that increase heart rate and breathing. Strained respiratory systems can lead to asthma and other difficulties.

Stress causes tension that can be mild to debilitating. Painful neck and shoulder muscles are common, as are headaches — that range in severity.

Stress can influence our diets, causing cascading problems like acid reflux and other GI disturbances. 

And then there’s the emotional toll of stress, ranging from anxiety to fatigue to overwhelm to depression.

Further, the more stress we have, and the longer it persists, the greater the negative impact it has on or lives.

We do have power, even in stressful circumstances

Even when things feel really hard — and even when we cannot control much that we used to be able to control — we always have choices.

And choosing deliberately can ground you in ways you may not realize is possible.

Follow these 3 steps and see what happens.

1. Choose your frame of mind

If you feel anxiety rising, choose to quiet your body and your mind. Sit and breathe for several minutes, or meditate. Try some 4x4 box breathing or butterfly tapping — that I describe on the Thriving Now page on my site, where you will find many other good resources, too.

You may also want to release emotions by creating.

A client recently said that having gained new insights in our work about the power of creativity to cope with emotion, she made a vivid drawing of the anxiety she felt and that help her to release it.

Another client said that enrolling in a dance class months ago has turned out to be one of her best decisions. She is amazed at how it has helped her cope in challenging times.

By calming your nervous system and releasing unwanted emotions, you will feel better in the moment, and you will set yourself up for better outcomes.

2. Ask yourself good questions.

We are often faced with matters that feel so big, with so many unknowns, that we get paralyzed.

Now that you've gotten calm and centered, try this. 

Get totally focused on the present, and your options and opportunities. Ask yourself questions like these:

• What is possible?

• What is possible that I never considered?

• What if it’s possible that...?

• What can I create that may sound crazy?

• What wild idea could be the germ of a new way forward?

3. Create your next best step, and the one after it.

When you allow yourself to decide on just your next best step, you take a lot of pressure off of yourself.

Simply make your next best decision. Create one next step. Then chose the next step to take that is right for you.

This is a wonderful way for you to own your power.

You can be a creator in each moment.

And as you create, you are able to be more grounded, rather than pulled into stress.

Where will this process take you?

I would love to hear about the ways these ideas help you to to stand in your power, master your mindset and make forward strides in your life, even when the circumstances around you are tough. 

This is how you can create your life one step at a time — how you create your future. 

If you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and how to get there, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, the changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Three sure steps to take right now

Here we are, at the end of another month, halfway through the summer. 

We continue to live through a time of enormous disruption, and yet life is always affording us opportunities — even when it can be hard to see them.

What I am seeing now

I am observing shifts of many kinds. 

I talk to people who were rocked at the start of the pandemic, found the focus and energy to take action, and are now in a new lull as they contemplate moving ahead.

Some people report an upswing in opportunities in their work, and that they have found new and positive ways to keep connected to others and stay happy.

Some have realized that things they had been tolerating (personally and/or professionally) are no longer tolerable. They are feeling keenly motivated to take action and bring change into their lives. 

Some are diving into new ways to spend their time and realize this period has been a gift for them.

Many are finding they've created a new mix, or blend, of elements in their day-to-day lives, and they like the way they are spending their time, focusing their attention, and using their energy. They realize they are likely to adjust again as the world around them creates new conditions, but their new routine and combination of satisfying activities and initiatives is working now.

Wherever you are at this moment, consider these ways to support yourself.

1. Feel it all and “exercise” what you feel

Feeling our emotions — especially the tough ones — rather than stuffing them down or avoiding them, can seem scary. Sure, it's great when we feel excited and happy. But nobody is always happy.

Lots of people are champions at avoiding tough emotion. They numb themselves with mindless scrolling, endless Netflix, too many cocktails, overeating, and more. Some stay frantically busy or dive into excessive physical activity to keep from feeling them.

If you can allow yourself to simply be with the emotion in quiet, and feel what you feel, you can then use the energy of the emotion to transform it.

Yes, the pain or distress or anxiety can be dispelled.

How? 

• Set a timer for 5 minutes (or more) and write freely. See what shows up on the pages.

• Make art with what you feel — make the emotion visual any way you want.

• Dance the emotion, to let your body express it. Sing the feelings, or play them on an instrument. From the blues, to rock, to opera, to hip hop — anything is great.

• Get outside and feel your emotions under the sky, as you look at the world around you. Or dig in your garden, letting yourself connect to the awesome energy of nature.

And you can elevate positive emotions with any of these techniques. Why not make the most of the good stuff?

When you are in touch with what you are feeling, and actively honor and then “use” difficult emotions — or amplify good ones — you clear the way for fresh perspectives.

2. Decide what you want

It’s easy to feel stuck when you are unsure of what to do, or can’t imagine what might be possible.

Before you start writing out lists of possibilities, focus on your desire.

Sit where there are no distractions and get quiet. Close your eyes, put one hand on your heart and feel into your heart. Put your other hand on your belly and consciously connect to your intuition, to the wisdom in your gut.

 And listen.

You may hear soft, vague whispers or clear loud messages. Be patient. Stay in stillness. See what desires show up. 

You may not get answers all at once, but if you actively listen, you will connect to things your heart desires. 

Maybe you’ll yearn for more connection. Maybe you’ll realize you want to explore being a speaker. Maybe you’ll desire a change in a relationship. Maybe you’ll want to express yourself more fully. Maybe you’ll want to live in a new place, near people or resources you long for. Maybe you’ll realize that you want to reshape what you offer in your professional work.

Your heart always has desire, and connecting to it gives you a compass for moving forward.

3. Get creative and get choosy

Having connected to your emotions and desires, you can now consider your options in new ways. This is your opportunity to create!

You can look at things through new lenses — the lens of opportunity and the lens of possibility.

Opportunity and possibility are starting points for big thinking and for fresh approaches you can play with.

Start with the question, “What if it’s possible that...” and see what shows up. You can also use the Discovery Dozen™ exercise I teach in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to generate lots of ideas, and see which of the ideas you want to explore more deeply.

When you review your ideas, be selective. Eliminate the possibilities that feel heavy. Delete any that feel like “should’s” rather than “wants.” Continue to check in with your heart and your gut and stay with the ideas that light you up.

What happens next?

This is a good time to consider who can help you. Who can be a sounding board, or wise advisor, or coach? Who can help you stay accountable to the process of exploration, testing and taking action?

And try not to get overwhelmed. Neither exciting, big ideas nor more modest ideas require you to take giant steps! Small steps are the ideal way to move into something new (and small steps can be bold steps). These will let you set a solid foundation, as you take small action, and continue or adjust course as needed, with every step on the path.  

Let’s create together!

I have been feeling significant shifts as life has evolved and the last months have rolled along. I am excited about new opportunities that I am seeing, and a host of new things I am creating.

From a new more expansive and light-filled approach I am moving into in the studio when I paint, to new ways of navigating through the challenge of illness in a beloved family member, to a new program I have designed to support great women to create the next big vision for their lives and start living it, I am moving forward in new ways.

I invite you to share what you are facing in your life now, and what you yearn to create in your future.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call, and I will help you gain insight and clarity about your challenges and questions and desires. And if we both think there’s a good fit, I can tell you about my new coaching program that’s starting soon, and how it may be able to support you to create the changes you want to make. 

Today is a great day to take a small and meaningful step.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Small mindset adjustments that work wonders

I speak to women every day about what’s getting in the way for them, and the impact of the stories and limiting beliefs that hold them back.

Of course, I am not a stranger to this territory! Even after years of focusing on personal development and experiencing big personal growth, old entrenched, negative thoughts like that can return. They usually show up when I am about to step up to do something new, something bigger, and often when I’m about to venture into the unknown. (Does that sound familiar?)

I am fortunate that, with awareness and practice, I am usually able to quickly spot these stories and the return of those old beliefs that no longer serve me. 

What I do next is the what makes all the difference. 

I remind myself that my mindset — which I can consciously pay attention to — is the key to shifting back into my power. 

I consciously shift my thoughts. And you can do this, too.

Will you be able to read this post and make a huge shift all at once?

Probably not.

But start small, start now, and you will get the feel for how this works. Stick with this focus, and I predict that you will notice lots of positives changes.

3 simple mindset shifts you can use as needed 

1. When you sink into doubt...

We all experience doubt. It’s often related to a lack of confidence, and may be rooted in a lack of belief that something is even possible. This leads to feeling demoralized.

Turning doubt into confidence is a topic I work on with my clients, and that I teach in full-day workshops. But, here’s one way to shift your mindset when doubt creeps in.

You can build belief in yourself and in what is possible when you remind yourself of big, brave things you have done in the past.

Acknowledge yourself for that resourcefulness and resilience. That positive self-talk, filled with self-appreciation, will help you to step into something new, rather than shrinking back in doubt.

2. When you feel like the world is treating you unfairly...

Feeling like a victim may strike from time to time or can become a habit. It’s a way we shift responsibility for our lives to external forces, or other people. 

Again, this is a big topic, with no quick fixes. But when you consciously choose to own your power, and believe that you can be a creator in your life, and of your life, you are shifting to a new orientation. 

As you begin to choose what you want to create in every moment, and make deliberate choices, you will experience a feeling of agency — and that’s a great feeling. 

Even when you are creating very small positive steps, you’ll begin to feel differently about what is possible. 

3. When you feel impatient with yourself...

Impatience is often tied to self-criticism. Who has not thought to themselves, “Why can’t I do this faster, or better?” or, “I should have this all figured out already!”

Learning to manage your self-critic is big work, and the self-critic attempts to sabotage us in many ways. But there’s a mindset shift that you can use any time that will help a lot.

Watch the words you use — to others, and to yourself! Your self-talk has an incredible impact, so paying attention to that is important.

A simple and really effective shift is to add the word “yet” to the end of any sentence that expresses impatience.

For example, instead of saying, “I haven't been able to figure this out,” say, “I haven't been able to figure this out yet.” 

The addition of that simple word opens possibility and brings a sense of positivity.

Try this bonus tip, too

While we are on the subject of watching the words we use, try to consciously eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary. (Did you notice it in the example I shared at the top of tip #3?)

When you pay attention, you are likely to hear yourself using this damaging word (that your self-critic loves to throw at you) in lots of situations. By making the “all-purpose” mindset shift to remove the word “should,” you are sure to notice how things change for the better. 

Depending on where and how it shows up, you can replace “should” with ”I can...” or “I could...” or “I’d like to...” or even change the sentence to a question, like, “Do I want to...?” 

And if you want help to explore how you can make bigger shifts in your mindset and start to powerfully create the big life you yearn for, schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas about what’s in your way now and what’s possible for you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Do you hear the call?

We have lived through an extraordinary week. 

After the months of challenge and loss (on so many levels) due to the pandemic, the impact of living through this intense week has been remarkable. We have seen uncountable numbers of people show up and speak up to focus on racial justice. 

If you missed reading my call to join forces and become a Creator of Change last week, you can read my article here. 

In short, I wrote that I believe we must act, we must act now, and we must act with love. And it will be our collective action that will have the biggest impact.

If you have reached out to me, thank you. If you have taken action, thank you. If you want to join this effort, thank you — you are welcome!

Change will happen when we commit to acting in great numbers. Some will do more than others. We will all chose the action, or combination of actions that call us and that are realistic for us to commit to. 

And each of us can invite another into this effort, assuring them that even small actions count.

Here’s a great story that serves as an example.

I heard from a woman who described her morning walk on the beach, when she felt an urge to pick up a rock and write “peace + kindness” in the wet sand. She drew an awkward heart underneath. She wasn't sure anyone could even make out what she wrote. 

Having turned to walk back, she saw someone taking photos of her message.

Perhaps those photos will be posted on social media. Perhaps that person will share the story of finding the message with a friend or family member.

This is a lovely example of how even a very small gesture can spread important ideas. 

And, it was notable to me to see how surprising — and inspiring — it was for this woman to realize that her simple small action had touched another person.

What will your action be?

Will you donate to organizations doing work you want to support? 

Will you have a deep conversation with someone, even if it feels uncomfortable? 

Will you volunteer? (I have a colleague who will offer her design skills to amplify the message of an organization with a great cause. Someone wrote to tell me she will drive people to the polls on election day. Volunteering comes in many forms.)

If you need ideas and resources, start here

I have created a new Creators of Change Resource page on my site. It includes great information for educating ourselves, great organizations you can consider supporting, and some inspiration, too. 

It is a start, and I am eager to add to it. Please suggest other resources to help me expand the list. 

And, I welcome you to share the resources with your networks.

Will you join a new conversation?

I am hosting a new Zoom call for those who want to come together to talk about how we will each commit to take action, and to share what we are feeling, what we are learning, and more.

The Creators of Change call will be on Thursday, June 11, 8:30 am eastern.

Register here to join us.

As I wrote last week, when of all of us take some action — and inspire others to do so, too — we can create desperately needed change in our communities, our country and the world.

Leading like this is living big.

I look forward to seeing you on Thursday. And, if you can't be there, hit reply to be in touch.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

We must become creators of change

My heart aches. It has ached this way for a long time. 

For so many innocent people who are brutalized and senselessly killed for nothing more than the color of their skin. 

For injustice that has persisted for centuries and runs horribly deep. 

For the countless people in our country whose lives are in peril every day, who live in fear, who are sick, who are impoverished, and who are so often grieving. 

For the terrible division in our country, and knowing that so many people tolerate injustice. 

There is no reason for any of this other than hatred. I cannot accept hatred as normal. It is not normal. It never has been. It is wrong.

We cannot be silent. 
We must not be silent.

We can be creators of change.

Together, we can be a powerful collective force for change.

Will you join me?

Will you take action and be a leader in a movement to create change?

Will you be heard, and be seen?

Will you channel all of your emotion into creating change?

Because if we don’t do something new, nothing will change. 

I have wrung my hands and cried tears so many times in the past. I have taken some action, but not enough.

Now is the time for bold collective action.

We must elect leaders who will work for the change that is needed — from the local level to the top. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must support programs that will help now, like donating to non-profits that provide bail money (this is one in Massachusetts), and there are many others you can look for. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must support programs that will have long-term impact, such as the ACLU, programs to end police violence, enrichment programs for inner-city youth, education programs focused on tolerance, job training, and more. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must act now, and act with love.

And, we can have our biggest impact if we act in concert.

What action — big or small (because a lot of small action adds up!) — can you take to start a bigger movement? A movement of the privileged and the oppressed. A movement fueled by love and not hate.

Let me know what you are already doing, and what you want to do. 

Let me know what resources you have found.

Let me know about ideas you create and new actions you take.

I want to be a force multiplier.

In a week or two, I will create a Zoom call for those of us who are committed to taking action. On this call we’ll have a conversation where we can share our ideas and connect pods of activity.

Together, we can have an impact. 

When of all of us are taking some action — and inspiring others to do so, too — we can create desperately needed change in our communities, our country and the world. 

Let me hear from you about how you want to be a creator of change — or leave a comment here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big impact of one small thing

Each new week brings change, as life and work slowly evolve.

It may not feel like much is changing, but each small shift — around us and for us — calls on us to adjust anew.

I hear about a range of experiences in my conversations with clients, colleagues and the women on my Saturday Zoom calls.

Some have found a new rhythm that feels great. Some were doing well and then hit a rough spot. Some are anticipating likely changes with their work (positive for some, worrisome for others). Some are initiating significant personal changes.

Wherever you find yourself now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed at one point or another. Decisions, intentions, options to choose from, opportunities, deadlines — all of these can overwhelm us.

When you feel overwhelmed, try employing this simple yet powerful approach

I recently spoke to a great women who is facing a mountain of things that need to get done. Still healing from a broken arm, she needs to sort through years of belongings and prepare a house for sale. She is also seeking a new apartment. And, she is eager to pursue promising new work opportunities. 

After telling me all of that she started describing her big 5-year vision.

It’s no wonder she reported feeling overwhelmed! 

She was frustrated about not doing “enough,” concerned about getting everything done, and worried about how she’d move toward her beautiful big vision.

As I listened I knew there was a simple suggestion I could make. It has worked for me, and for many of my clients when overwhelm has started to take over.

Focus on doing one thing each day

If you are a “doer” by nature (and perhaps you pride yourself on being a multi-tasker), you may be thinking that such a simple approach is too simple, and will be counter-effective. It sounds like it will make it take longer to get things done. 

Here’s why this works so well.

1. It feels doable.  

It doesn't feel daunting if you just need to chose and take one action as you start your day. 

How often do many of us feel stuck when we feel overwhelmed? Or, we get busy with tasks like doing laundry or scrubbing the sink, or fritter away time in avoidance. Or we jump in frenetically and get splattered, so nothing gets done well. By choosing to do one thing, we can avoid all of these pitfalls.

2. You are focused.  

When one action is all you “need” to do, your attention is not pulled in multiple directions. The results are always better when our attention is fully focused. And the speed with which good things happen when we slow down and focus like this can be impressive.

3. Momentum builds.  

Once you are in action, you feel great and you are are likely to take more action. So, you may continue with that one thing, or shift to a new thing as you keep going.

4. You get a positive emotional hit of accomplishment.  

The feeling of making progress is a huge boost. And when enthusiasm builds, new ideas and more motivation emerge.

5. You set off a positive cycle.  

Good energy keeps things moving, and if you are like the woman I mentioned, you will be delighted at how much is getting accomplished and how great it feels. You, like she, are likely to start each day feeling upbeat and able to move through that one thing — and often more!

We have so much opportunity — today and every day.

Not only can we avail ourselves of opportunities all around us, we can face new challenges as they come up, and we can create in remarkable ways. It all begins with our state of mind.

Just as the woman I described has done, you can harness your energy as you start each day. Focus on one thing, and do it! You are likely to see big results, as she has.

Let me know if this is something you have tried. And if you use this approach for the first time, I’d love to hear how it works for you. Hit reply and let me know. 

Here are 3 ways to get more ideas and more support

1. Check out the growing list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. 

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 30 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to cope, stay inspired, and take action. Register for the next call. 

3. Let’s hop on a Live Big Breakthrough Call and talk about what’s standing between you and your biggest desires. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call — and if the fit feels good we can talk about what coaching could look like in your life. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to live big each day

We are starting to see small shifts happening around us. Things are “opening up” in different ways in various places, and at different paces. 

How are you being impacted now?

What do you foresee changing for you?

As you consider these questions, consider that each day — no matter where you live and what your circumstances — you can ask yourself two more questions. They that will help you make the most of your day, and the most of your life!

Two powerful questions to ask yourself each day

If you have my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, you know that it is divided into two sections. The first 10 chapters are about the being of living big. The other 10 chapters are about the doing of living big.

Why?

Because we are human beings, and we spend way more time doing, than being. And living big starts with our state of being.

Question 1: “Who do I need to be today?”

When you consider who you need to be to step into your day and have it be the best day possible, you orient yourself to the way you want to live your day.

For example, if you have been feeling sluggish, or stuck, you may want to feel more free and get your spirit soaring.

Or, if you have been frantically trying to keep up with work, childcare, and everyday tasks that drain you, you may need to slow down and find stillness, to allow space for reflection, ease, and self-care.

Other possibilities for the focus you may want to bring to your state of being include: living in the present, loving more, being true to your heart, living without fear, aligning with your purpose, cultivating patience, being grateful, and seeing wonder around you.

Each of these will have a meaningful impact on your well-being.

Question 2: “What do I most need to do today?”

In addition to your state of being, focus on the action you want to take, and how you will do it. That’s where the doing of living big can be considered.

You may realize that you will benefit from listening more clearly for the signals from your intuition.

You may decide that actively creating will charge your imagination and provide you with energy that will be a game-changer. 

Today may be the day for you to speak your truth, or tap more of your passion, or live boldly — even in a quiet way.

Or, it may be a day for you to embrace change, play more, find your way through confusion, or be resilient.

Today you may choose to focus on charting your path to move into the future. 

All of these ways to take action are essential to living big, and you can develop your abilities to do all of them.

Small steps make a big difference

If you feel unsure how to get started opening the states of being and doing you feel called to bring into your day, Live Big is filled with exercises and practices to help you. 

Just asking yourself these questions, and stepping into the exploration of these ways of living — one small step at a time — is a great start.

Living big is a practice. It’s a life-long journey of growth and expansion. And each step on the journey is a step of expansion.

Because life is always changing — whether change comes quickly, as it did around the world weeks back, or things slowly unfold, as they are doing now.

And every day of your life offers you the opportunity to live big.

When you want support, here are 3 ways to get it

1. Check out the list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. All of the tools and ideas have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 23 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call. 

3. And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you ready for what’s next?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reading lots of new posts that are focused on “emerging” and “restarting.”

Maybe we are at a moment where things will start to “open up.” And...

What that will look like — depending on where you live, and the way it’s handled, and if we will find ourselves knocked back again — is a big unknown.

As an optimist, I always focus on the positive. And still, this is a time for taking a clear look at where we are, what may be coming, and how to navigate now.

That’s because we are faced with a force of biology and nature that’s unlike anything we have experienced before. There are too many variables and possibilities to know what lies just ahead (much less what’s coming farther down the road).

So, having lived through weeks of isolation and facing so much uncertainty, what can you do now?

1. Start by assessing your current state

Most of us have used the weeks since enforced social distancing as a time to consider how we can live our best lives despite remarkable limitations. 

Some have struggled, some have had ups and downs. 

Some have found new ways to find well-being — both emotionally and physically — while others are still looking for what they need to feel grounded and balanced and healthy.

We all have different challenges — from isolation and loneliness, to juggling childcare and work, to caring for elderly loved ones at a distance, to finding our financial well-being overturned, to health challenges, to having to respond or provide services in new ways in our businesses, to grief, and more. 

I doubt that any of us moving through this time have been unaffected or unchanged.

So, how are you doing now?

2. Sustain your foundation — or shore it up

The only thing we know for sure is that there’s uncertainty ahead. 

If you have adjusted and feel you have solid footing, this is the time to sustain it. That means maintaining a commitment to yourself and the routines that are working. And, it means staying open and creative in your thinking, so that you can modify as you find new and better ways to support yourself, or find yourself needing to adapt to changes.

For most of us, living well continues to be a work in progress. And, that's ok. This is a perfect time to shore up your foundation.

3. Put your best resource to work.

What’s the greatest resource, that’s available to all of us, no matter how you have assessed your current state?

Creativity

And if you are wondering how to start ramping up your creativity, it’s easier than you may think.

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while you have heard me say that a key to opening your creative channels is to start by bolstering self-love.

Here are some simple ways to give yourself a little self-love pep talk.

• Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person, and are deserving of goodness, happiness and abundance.

• Remind yourself that you have a wealth of gifts to share. 

• Remind yourself that you have overcome challenges before and can again. 

Next, ask yourself questions like these:

• What self-care do I need to focus on now?

• Who can I turn to for help and support?

• How can I think differently?

• How can I serve in new ways?

• What would bring more happiness into my life?

• What's possible that I have not explored?

• Where are there opportunities now?

• How can I look at things from a new angle or perspective?

• How might I pivot?

• What matters most to me now? What one small thing can I do to make it happen, or do more of it?

All of these questions put you into a creative mindset. They open your creative thinking, and as a byproduct, they lift your spirits. 

You might write for 5 or 10 minutes as you answer each of the questions that calls to you — and you might add more questions as your intuition and curiosity get into gear.

And, to really amplify the process, start a creative practice, or do more that’s creatively expressive. Doodle, sing, cook, garden, write poems, play music, knit, build something, paint, quilt, dance — whatever you enjoy creating will give you a big emotional lift, and that lift will make everything in your life better.  

Once you adopt a creative mindset, and ramp up creative expression, you will be amazed at the impact they have. And as you move into the future you will have the resources you need to continue creating your best life. 

Are you ready for support?

I continue to provide a range of ways to support you.

The list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website continues to grow. All of the tools and ideas, that can help you as you navigate this time, have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 16 at 3:00pm eastern. Join in for another intimate conversation with women from all over the country, when we connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want one-on-one coaching support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Here’s how to schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Can you take this word out of your vocabulary?

In many recent conversations I’ve heard people use a word that I learned, long ago, to remove from my vocabulary. We all use it (and, yes, I still slip up from time to time). And, we’d all be doing much better if we could banish it.

The word? 

SHOULD

This is a loaded word. A word your self-critic loves to use to bombard you. A word you can live without. Because when you are aware and start to shift your self-talk to eliminate the “shoulds,” your life will get so much better.

I know that sounds like a grand promise.

Can changing one word do that much?

Yes. And here’s why.

When you layer “should” upon “should” on yourself, you are constantly feeding yourself negativity and criticism. You’re heaping self-judgement on yourself. 

You are often comparing yourself to others — or some ideal — and in the process you feel awful that you haven’t measured up. 

And that takes a toll.

Some of the shoulds I have been hearing lately include:

• I should be decluttering, like everyone else.

• I should be doing yoga every day, or taking hour-long walks.

• I should be applying for the new job I was starting to look for just before all this started.

• I should be doing something creative, but when I pull out art materials I can’t get myself to start.

• Baking? Who has time for baking? But everyone else's family is doing it...

• I should be getting ready for bed earlier... And meditating... And journaling...

• I should be volunteering. There are so many people who need help.

• I should be working on new ideas for my business, and implementing new initiatives now.

• What’s wrong with me? I should be coping better than I am.

You get the point. Maybe you see your “shoulds” on this list, or are adding yours.

If you’re a “should-er,” this is a perfect time to change your self-talk.

Try using these three steps:

1. Notice

Change begins with this crucial step: aim to catch yourself when you are “should-ing” yourself. With attention and practice, the “shoulds” get easy to spot in the moment.

2. Reframe

This step takes practice. This is when you pause and reframe the “should” thought when you notice it. Here’s an example of how you might do that.

When a thought shows up like: “I should be able to get this to-do list all checked off today,” you could re-phrase it as: “I will start doing the most important item on my list and see if I can finish that in the next hour. I’ll continue from there.”

Or, you might rephrase it this way: “Since I was up during the night with my child who couldn’t sleep, it’s ok if I just start with the first important task and reassess my energy levels for continuing after an hour.”

3. Be gentle with yourself

If someone or something needs attention — it could be an elderly parent dialing you up, a child who wakes up early from a nap, an unexpected email from a colleague, or just that you realize you are not able to focus on the matter at hand — the task you planned on will take longer, or it may need to be deferred. 

That’s ok. There’s a lot happening now that is not like “life was before,” and berating yourself will only make things harder.

This is an important time to be gentle with yourself and practice self-love. (You may want to read an older post about self-love, for specific ways to do that.)

And, as you are able to make progress — even small progress counts! —acknowledge yourself. Appreciate that you embarked on or completed a task, or started developing a new idea, or helped someone, or just made it through the day with more ease.

What would make you smile and feel good about something like that? What small treat can you give yourself? Have fun thinking of ways to acknowledge every small step on this path.

I am here to support you in several ways.

As the weeks of disruption continue, you may be finding that you need new responses.

I have been adding resources and ideas to the Thriving Now page on my website that can help you as you navigate this time. The page is filled with tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 9 at 3:00pm eastern. In these intimate conversations, women from all over the country have been connecting, sharing, and learning new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. Here’s where to do that.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big mindset lesson I did not see coming

Our mindset is always crucially important, and it’s never been more important than it is now.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I advocate for creating as a key way to live well. My mission is to help people to adopt the mindset of being creators in their lives, rather than letting life happen to them.

And, I advocate for the benefits of finding ways to create expressively. When you express yourself through any creative effort, you can “offload” troubling emotion, get into a state of flow and positivity, and elevate great emotions.

My original plan for this article was to talk about how you can tune in to your intuition, and why that’s something valuable to learn and practice now.

But I am taking a detour.

I want to share something personal, that has proven to be big for me this week. 

In this time of living through major disruption, when so much has shifted and so many are struggling, my creative practice has amazed me. I have loved the time I’ve set aside to paint the last four years. But in the last two months it has become more important than I ever expected.

I want to share what’s happened in my life in the last weeks.

I have been studying painting at the SMFA since 2016. I take one class each semester, on Monday nights. And, I nearly always spend a couple of hours painting on the Sunday before my class.

It’s a relatively small time commitment, but it’s been a meaningful and important part of my life.

And then the pandemic hit.

Tufts closed and we shifted to online classes — which is super-challenging for a studio class! Fortunately, I had set up a dedicated small painting studio in my home last summer, so I had a place for all of my materials and the canvases that had been at school.

And, my life got busier than ever in the last eight weeks. I was no longer making time on Sundays to paint. But I did paint on Monday evenings, and what started to happen in that time has been more profound than I ever could have imagined.

The world changed and my art changed.

My abstract paintings have always been rooted in emotion, in making visual what I am feeling. And while I have been safe, healthy and secure, and gratified to be able to support so many people during this stressful time, I thought I was pretty grounded. 

But I can see now that I was unaware of how my mindset was being tested.

Standing in front of my easel these last weeks, and letting all of my emotion come forward, has connected me to a lot of tough stuff that I’d had glimpses of, but had not fully acknowledged. And that unacknowledged deep emotion was interfering with my well-being.

I am concerned about my elderly parents. I am concerned about family members in frail health. I am concerned about policy makers who have increased the scope and danger of the epidemic for our society and continue to fail us in so many ways. I am disturbed by how many people are in peril — front-line workers, those who are ill with the virus, people who are in dire financial straits, people around the world who were in peril before all of this, and are in greater danger now. I could go on and on. 

That deep emotion sat like an undercurrent, disturbing my sleep, my digestion and making me feel subtly uneasy. It would not sit quietly under the surface when I was in the studio. It insisted on being fully felt. And I let it be the fuel for my work.

I am letting myself feel it all.  

Each time I have painted over the last weeks has been wrenching. Something inside has opened up each time I’ve stepped into my studio — my sacred space for feeling it all.

My heart has ached. Tears have run down my face. In fact, just writing this is making me emotional. 

And I let it all come, without trying to make “beautiful paintings.” My amazing teacher, Elaine Spatz-Rabinowitz, and my dear classmates (all on Zoom now) have been remarkably supportive. Yes, they said — make it ugly. Yes, be raw.

And magic has happened. 

It has felt so liberating to allow myself to paint the ugly and raw emotions that have been sitting just under the surface. And, remarkably, what has come through me onto the canvas is one painting in particular, titled In the Unknown, that I completed last Monday. I have never painted anything like this before. My feelings are coming through in new and different ways.

I have lightened the burden on my heart through the process of creating, each time I show up in my studio. And, I hope that my expressions of this deep emotion will touch someone, somewhere, and help them to feel what they may have bottled up or pushed aside.

This time will not last forever. We will move forward.

Some things will be the same after this. Many things will have shifted. And we will adapt and adjust.

But what I have learned in my studio will stay with me. I will hold the knowing that when I create, I connect to all of myself and I give myself these two big gifts — the gift of awareness, and the gift of using and releasing the pain in my heart as I make it visible. 

Some people do this when they create with words. Some do it with dance. Some do it with music. Some do it with food, or fabrics, or sculpting, or building, or transforming their gardens, or enlightening those around them. Some turn to bright color and uplifting sounds and forms. Some need to be with their pain.

All who create give themselves a tremendous gift. 

I invite you explore this territory. 

I am here to support you.

The Thriving Now page on my website has a growing list of resources that can  can help you do just that — thrive. The tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 2 at 3:00pm eastern. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 1 more spot on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls, and 2 spots are available next week. Access my calendar to schedule a session.*

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Our next opportunity to learn

As we are finding our way week by week, things shift. Some days are better than others for most of us. You may be experiencing some gradual adjustments.

We have many opportunities to learn, to pay attention, and to grow in this extraordinary time. 

Last week, I wrote about how important it is to attend to your emotions. If you missed that, check out the three steps I shared to do just that.

Today, I am focused on another key lesson we can learn now. It will support you as you move through this time of interruption, and will have a great impact for a lifetime of wellbeing.

Make great self-care your new normal 

Some of us are much better at creating time and space for self-care than others.

I have clients who are working out daily, or taking long walks rain or shine. (That's a work in progress for me!) Some are super-focused on healthy eating, while others are struggling to stay away from snacking on empty carbs. Some are feeling non-stop stress, and others find their emotions bouncing up and down.

Wherever you are on the continuum, consider these ways you can take good care of yourself. 

1. Put yourself on the calendar

Many of us talk a good game. We tell ourselves we’ll meditate every day, or take the time to cook healthy food, or exercise every morning. More often than not, we start strong for a couple days and then let things slide.

Setting an intention in our heads is one thing.

Making a date with yourself — complete with a block of non-negotiable time on your calendar — takes your intention to the next level.

It’s also helpful to tell someone what you intend to do. Yes, speak it out loud.

Perhaps that person will partner with you. You might ask them for support, so you can be accountable.

Acknowledge yourself for taking this first meaningful step!

2. Choose your self-care focus

There are so many ways you can consider bringing a bigger focus on self-care into your daily life. The key is to start with one or two things that feel most appealing to you. Consider these categories:

Sleep  Are you getting enough sleep? Is the quality of your sleep suffering? How can you adjust your bedtime routine so you ease into sleep and rest well?

Food  What will help you feel your best? More fresh produce? Learning to cook new things? Setting clear times for meals and healthy snacks?

Meditation  You may want to try using an app with guided meditations. You could try writing in a journal when you wake up each morning. Or, simply spend just a few quiet minutes each day sitting and breathing deeply.

Exercise  Do you love to walk? Do you want or need to do weight-training? Is yoga your go-to, or would you like to try it out? 

Time in nature  Spending time outdoors has huge benefits, whether you dig in a garden, walk in the woods, or just stroll down the street and notice the blooms on nearby trees.

Pampering yourself  Take time to soak in a tub, savor a delicious cup of tea, take an online museum tour, try making a soothing face mask, or light candles and listen to music. Any way you can give yourself a treat is great!

Creating  You knew I would include this, right? Bringing a favorite creative activity into your life on a regular basis is an excellent way to practice self-care. Sewing or needle-work, drawing, crafting, singing, playing an instrument, writing poetry, cooking, painting, gardening — they are all wonderful ways to create and express yourself. And try creating with others, as a way to care for yourself. Who can you invite for an art date, or to sing with you?

What other ideas can you think of to bring more self-care into your life?

3. Add in a new self-care practice, or change things up

Have fun with this. Experiment and see what you most enjoy, and what has the biggest benefit to you. 

Maybe you’ll have a regular weekend self-care ritual that is different from what you choose to do Monday through Friday.  

Whatever you choose, honor yourself for your commitment to a self-care practice.

And if you want to explore additional resources to help you now, check out my Thriving Now page. It includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on my growing list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 25. Join me for this 8th weekend call. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Talking about Living Big

I was delighted when Kevin Hallinan invited me to be a guest on his radio show, Winning Business — which is now also a podcast that’s widely available.

Keven is a great guy (and has an amazing radio voice!). He’s a sales expert and we’ve had conversations about how much coaching matters in his world, to ensure that sales people have a solid mindset that helps them succeed.

I really appreciated how thoroughly Kevin prepared for our conversation, and I so enjoyed being on the air with him. Some live questions were submitted during the broadcast, too, which were fun to answer.

Listen to our conversation here, and check out Kevin’s other podcast episodes, with interviews he’s has had with a range of interesting thought leaders.