How to stay steady in a peak emotional time

If you feel like most people I know, the last days and weeks have been incredibly challenging. On top of concerns about increasing COVID cases, extreme weather, and escalating political tension, election day — tomorrow — is filling most of us with intense emotion.

It feels to me like being in a state of suspended animation. Many people describe it as a collective holding of breath.

And holding your breath for any extended period of time — either physically or metaphorically — is never a good idea.

Why?

When you hold your breath for more than a short time, a cascade of problematic physical responses result. You decrease oxygen flow to the brain, your heart rate drops, CO₂ and other dangerous gases build up in your blood, and none of that is healthy.

And when you feel as though you are holding your breath emotionally, you put yourself in a heightened state of anxiety. Anxiety impacts your mood, and it also impacts your body. Your heart may pound, you may develop headaches, experience GI problems, have trouble sleeping, and more.

Today, and in the days to come, you can support yourself to stay emotionally steady with these 3 practices.

1. Start breathing with intention

Yes, your breath is a tool that can help you in many ways. When you breathe deeply and slowly, the stress responses in your body are reduced.

Sit quietly for a minute or two — or a bit longer. Breathe in fully, all the way into your belly. Pause a moment and then exhale very slowly. As few as three long slow belly breaths like this will help.

As you breathe this way, you will feel a gentle release of tension. Let your shoulders drop and relax. Aim to bring that softness into all the muscles in your body — from the top of your head, to your jaw and neck, and down to your toes.

Repeat breathing breaks like this often.

2. Move your body

Choose a way that appeals to you to get yourself in motion.

If you are a runner, or love yoga, those are great ways to get moving. But there are very simple ways that work well, too.

In just five to 10 minutes you can stretch and shake out your body. Get some music on and dance. Or take a brisk walk around the block.

Getting the blood flowing like this releases natural chemicals that enhance your sense of well-being.

3. Get creative

When you start creating you have a great outlet for anxiety or other difficult emotions.

You can write a poem or pour your thoughts out in a journal. Try using color and draw or paint. You might cook, play music, dance, sing, garden, build something, knit, or create in any way you can think of.

Why not invite someone to create with you? Is there someone you live with who would enjoy sharing some creative time mid-day? Or take a short creative break on Zoom with a friend or a small group.

Creating is a remarkable effective way to unload big emotion, feel more energy and maybe even feel joy.

Whatever happens in the world around us, we need to be our best selves.

We all need to show up, we all need to go on. We need to bring our best selves to everything we do.

Start with you.

When you are on steady footing, you will be a better leader to everyone around you.

You will be a better partner and friend, a better parent, a better colleague, and better at the work you do in the world. Your work matters now as much or more than ever.

We have all lived through fraught times before. We can move forward in the face of challenges.

On this important day remember that we all need to keep leading.

That’s how we move into a better future.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding our way

We've all been saying it — what a difference a week has made. We are living in a different reality now.

Advice fills my inbox from all sorts of well-meaning, big-hearted people. So, I will keep my ideas to the point, and hope they are helpful.

1. Stay safe

There are lots of adjustments to make, but the basics are pretty straightforward. Clean hands. Clean surfaces. Stay home, and when you must go out, stay far from others and wash hands and surfaces even more diligently.

2. Lower the volume

Listening to the news all day, social media scrolling, and conversations filled with worry and rehashing are not helpful. Shift to short news check-ins two to three times a day and steer conversations in new directions (or curtail them).

3. Stay connected

We are blessed to live at a time where technology is available so that we can be in community virtually. It's not the same as in person, but it is a blessing. Tap into virtual offerings that help, such as yoga instruction, groups of like-minded people doing positive things together, online courses, and more.

And reach out to neighbors. Who needs help — even just a call to check in? We have a neighbor who offered to add our grocery needs to her list, and we will do the same for her next week. Think about how you can support others.

4. Practice gratitude

See number 3 above, and consider everything for which you can be grateful. When you look for it, there's a lot for which to be grateful!

5. Stay calm, ward off fear

Fear will not keep you safe. In fact, the stress it induces will lower your immunity. And, it clouds your thinking. We need to think clearly now more than ever! I have written about dealing fear in various contexts in past posts. You can check out this article, And this one. And one more.

This is the time to stay positive! And step #6 will help you do that.

6. Create each day

Consider your opportunities to create in two ways:

     A. Create to express yourself, dispel anxiety and open your heart. You can do this in countless ways, so try as many as you want. Start by choosing a playful frame of mind, to open your heart, then let creativity flow with ease. Doodle. Arrange food in a funny way on your plate. If you have a coloring book, spend some time with it. Play an instrument or dance to music of any kind. Collage with scraps of paper and cloth. Create on your own and invite others to join you on Zoom or post to one another in a text thread. As I said, there is no limit to how you can create. It’s a perfect way to lift your spirits.

     B. Consider how you can create new ways of serving, working, thinking. Approach everything with curiosity and ask, "What if?" as you prompt yourself to think more broadly. Is there a new way you can collaborate with colleagues? A new offering to create for your clients? Can you add value for your clients or customers? Often, constraints — like the constraints these times are imposing — can spur the most effective new ways of thinking and doing things. Challenge yourself to think differently. Reach out to people and think together about new approaches and possibilities.

7. Keep loving

Love yourself with good self-care of every kind. Love the people around you and find ways to let them know they are loved. Let love be the inspiration for all of the ways you can serve and create now. Let it be the guiding force in your life.

I am here to support you in two ways

I was moved to offer an open conversation I called Creating the Way Forward on Saturday via Zoom. It was wonderful to have time with great women to process and share and inspire one another other in many beautiful ways.

I will offer another Creating the Way Forward conversation again soon. If you are on my email list, look for an email from me, or check my posts on social media for the next session, and request a link to join in. 

And, reach out to me if you want some one-on-one support. I have opened three spots on my calendar this week for free Creating My Way calls, and will continue to offer them in the weeks ahead. Reach out to request one.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The importance of warding off fear

I, like many others, am finding that the weeks since the election have brought up a lot of challenging emotions. I do not want to assume that we all share the same political point of view, but nearly everyone I have been in touch with is concerned about extreme statements that were made made during the election and many of the directions being taken to date by the incoming administration. I need to address the emotional responses to those developments, and hope that we can all be empathetic to one another in order to be calmer, hear each other, and discuss our points of view with respect.

For context, I want to tell you about why I am feeling especially concerned now. I am Jewish. My father grew up in Paris. When the Nazi regime occupied France in WWII, he and his parents and brother made a perilous journey through the country and over the Pyrenees mountains to stay ahead of the Gestapo, who would have sent them to a concentration camp. They were imprisoned in Spain for several months, and after entering Portugal (also without papers), they found safety and finally got visas to come to the US. Many of my relatives were not so lucky.

In addition, my mother-in-law, who grew up in Germany, was an 11-year-old child when her mother sent her out of the country on the Kindertransport to save her life. So, my first-hand knowledge of the ways that authoritarian leaders curtail freedoms and are dangerous is keen. And, while nothing of that extreme nature is happening now, I see very frightening similarities in the way our president-elect has spoken over the last year and since the election, has rallied support employing blatant lies, has tolerated and encouraged the hateful and dangerous behavior of extremists, manipulates the media, and is surrounding himself with people who have histories and agendas for curtailing liberties in many ways.

And, many other agendas trumpeted by the incoming administration are very worrisome. These include proposed changes to healthcare policy and education, building relationships with authoritarian leaders of other countries, and reducing protection of our environment, to name just a few. This does not feel like the America I have always know. And, as I hear from so many people, concerns about matters like these lead to feeling fearful.

And fear is a problem. Because when we live in a state of fear, we are actually inhibiting our ability to think. We suffer from high levels of stress. We can become paralyzed.

Now, more than ever, we must not let ourselves become victims of fear.

We must think clearly and remain able to discern. We must be informed and alert. We must think together about the actions we can take to have a positive impact in times of uncertainty or danger.

But how can we stay informed and yet resist the overwhelm of constantly reading and watching the news (and steering clear of so much false news)? How can we foster the kinds of clear conversations that will lead to the emergence of wise end positive ways to respond effectively? How can we take prudent actions without getting carried away? How can we protect against living in a state of anxiety?

A wise friend told me that at her church, they often say: *Want what you have. Do what you can. Be who you are.* These words struck me as helpful guides for these times.

Want what you have. This seemingly simple statement emphasizes the importance of being grateful for what you have. There is scientific validation for the benefits of gratitude, for thinking each day of at least three things for which you are grateful, and why you are grateful, too. Rather than longing, feeling gratitude for what you have keeps you grounded. It keeps you in the moment, it and ensures that you do not lose sight of the goodness in your life. For despite your concerns, there are so many reasons that it’s a wonderful time to be alive.

Do what you can. None of us has all the answers or can do it all. Accepting this is important, and keeps overwhelm at bay. But, the message also tells us that we *are* able to do many things. We can help others in need. We can foster important connections and facilitate meaningful conversations. We can contribute to organizations that are doing important work that will be needed now more than ever. We can teach tolerance and model living with love as a driving force. And, we can — and must — each be leaders as we do our important work in the world.

Be who you are. We are all unique and distinctive human beings. This is the time to authentically be who you are, and appreciate yourself. Be true to your values and beliefs. Honor the contributions you can make to your family, your community and the world.

As we strive to be vigilant without getting pulled into fear, we have opportunities — to be courageous and to be creative. We need to muster courage for the important work ahead, and we need to activate creative thinking now more than ever. We can come together for comfort and support, inspiration, and also a sense of power to be able to collectively effect change.

Courage and creativity are among my fundamental principles for living big. When we are courageous and creative together we can ward off fear and live through challenging times with more confidence and hope. And in addition, it’s important to know that love is a powerful antidote to fear. When we focus on the power of love we are stronger. (You may want to check out this article, that I found to be both insightful and inspiring).

I’d be happy to hear about how you are feeling now and what is helping you to ward off fear.

And, as we look ahead to the holidays and the conclusion of the year, I send you my best wishes and a vision for a new year filled with love, tolerance, abundance and peace.