Do you dither?

It can be challenging to be decisive. Even the smartest people can find it hard to make decisions — chronically or sporadically.

I recall this challenge myself, years back, when I owned my design firm. I was asked by my team to please make faster decisions!

I was aware of taking my time to be sure I was thinking things through carefully, but had no idea that my slow decision-making was a problem for my team. I was holding them up.

They assured me that even if I made an “imperfect” decision, they would be fine moving ahead and we could course-correct if needed.

Did it sting to hear that? It did a little. Was it helpful to hear it? Yes!

Why it can be hard to make decisions

In my case, indecisiveness was rooted in perfectionism.

I had a deep-seated belief that I had to be perfect — and perfectionism is a powerful way the self-critic loves to show up to sabotage us. (You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

I came to realized that I thought there had to be a perfect solution in response to any question or choice. Thus, deep down I felt that every decision I made had to be perfect.

Overly-deliberating about decisions was just one of many ways that perfectionism got in my way in those days! I was not conscious of it then, but it became clear that perfectionism was the underlying driver of my indecisiveness.

Fear — of failure, of conflict, of judgement, and more — is another cause of indecisiveness.

Fear is another huge way the self-critic steps in to limit us.

(You can learn about the self-critic, and the role of self-love to cope with the many ways the self-critic shows up, in the free guide I offer as a gift in my book.)

Fear of failure is incredibly common, and it’s a close cousin of perfectionism.

Many people fear making decisions because their decision may rock the boat and cause conflict. Or they fear that others will criticize their choice.

Some fear feeling remorse for a decision.

Fears like these can prompt people to push off making any decision at all.

Perhaps you are an over-thinker.

Some people believe they must think everything through from every possible vantage point. And there are times when it is wise to be very thorough in reviewing a matter.

However, over-thinking can become a habit and a crutch. It is often an indicator that procrastination is at play (and procrastination is yet another way the self-critic steps in to get in our way).

Anxiety or depression may be making it hard for you to make decisions.

Anxiety and depression can make it very difficult for people to make decisions. The need to make decisions can make them feel overwhelmed.

How I made faster decisions with less stress

The insight that I was holding others up by being indecisive, and hearing that they welcomed me to make faster decisions without assurance that my decisions would all be perfect (which is, of course, impossible to predict) freed me.

I was able to trust myself to make decisions. I had “permission” to refine and make changes from that point forward.

It was a game-changer for me!

It opened the way for me to think expansively about what was possible, listen to my intuition, and make faster decisions.

I came to appreciate that I could continue to modify and create next steps as we moved forward.

Decisions that had felt so monumental began to look like steps along a path that was ongoing and full of possibility.

Adopting this approach can work similarly if fear is the factor that drives indecision, or over-thinking and procrastination are the root cause.

If you are aware that anxiety or depression are factors for you, I suggest you talk about that with a counselor, therapist or another medical professional.

What decisions are you making now?

As the world is opening up now, we have many new opportunities and many of us face making decisions of all sorts.

This can be exciting, or can bring on a sense of overwhelm.

I urge you to try and approach making decisions with a new frame of mind, much as I learned to do.

And if you feel called to make decisions now about the future you want to create, I’d be glad to meet with you. The next Live Big Live! starts soon, and it may be a great resource for you at this moment when so much possibility is on the horizon.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. There's no obligation or cost for us to talk.

Scheduling this call may prove to be the best decision you make today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Here we are, in the last week of October, looking ahead to a momentous election and the last 2 months of 2020.

Yup, there are only 65 days left in this year.

You may be hearing and reading about meeting end-of-year sales goals and doing year-end assessments.

Maybe you are thinking back to the ambitions you had for this year that got interrupted, and perhaps derailed, by the pandemic.

Rather than feeling stressed or anxious, I am offering you a couple of questions to consider:

What will help you to end the year on a strong note?

What states of mind, what ways of being, can you address now, to make these last 2 months the best they can be — and to be your most resourceful and resilient self as you move into 2021?

As you read these questions, are you wondering how to start thinking about answering them?

Consider this.

Your state of being is key to the quality of your life

Your state of being — how you show up in the world, your mindset each day — is the foundation upon which everything rests. It impacts your relationships, your work, your personal well-being — your entire life.

To BECOME more grounded, clear and confident, follow these 3 steps.

Step 1: Assess your current state

Take a look at this list of common challenges and consider which are limiting you now. (Trust me, we all are hampered by some or many of these, to one degree or another!)

How many of these trouble you?

A lack of confidence
Feeling unmotivated
People pleasing
Putting yourself last
Skipping self-care
Comparing yourself to others, making you feel like you are not good enough
Feeling like an imposter
Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
Feeling indecisive
Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling fearful

Mindset challenges like these are likely to have been in place long before the pandemic, though they may now be more of a hindrance. Or maybe some new ones have recently cropped up for you.

And maybe you are thinking of a challenge that is not on this list. If so, make a note of it now.

Next, jot down all of the challenges that hamper you these days. And for each one, note the level of negative impact they have for you.

Use a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most distressing.

Are you surprised at what you see?

If your list is long, or the scale is high, do not feel discouraged. You now have more clarity — that’s a good thing! — and you can begin to move forward to address these limitations.

Step 2: Focus on small change for one challenge

With the clarity you have now, consider the single biggest limiting mindset challenge you identified — or the one that feels most urgent to address.

Yes, it can be big work to address such challenges. And I am glad to tell you that making change like this is doable — but the most effective way do it is to bring your attention to making small, focused changes to one thing at a time.

It’s tempting to try and change many things at once, but that’s not wise. When you are scattered and inconsistent in your efforts you are unlikely to achieve the changes you desire. That leads to feeling discouraged and giving up.

Begin by paying attention to the one thing you most want to address now.

And do not minimize the importance of taking very small steps to start shifting into a better frame of mind.

Consider taking small steps like these

When you feel overwhelmed, indecisive, or feel hampered by any of the stresses listed above, try adopting a conscious practice like simply slowing down and taking 2 to 3 minutes to breathe in quiet. Done consistently, this can be a surprisingly fast way to connect to your calm, wise self. It will help you more than you might imagine.

Or, if you are skimping on self-care, or notice you are people-pleasing, or realize that you frequently put yourself last, consider ways to treat yourself with more self-love. You might schedule 10 minutes for yourself each day — be it to soak in a tub before bed, to read quietly, or to take a mid-day walk.

Small practices like these, when regularly incorporated into your life, will have a meaningful impact.

You may also want to look at the helpful practices and exercises I’ve included in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to help you address and overcome the limitations that concern you. Choose the practices you feel will most help you to make the changes you seek.

Step 3: Keep going, even if you are not always consistent!

When you bring commitment to incorporating a new practice into your life — even if you do it imperfectly and miss a day here and there — be sure to acknowledge yourself for making that commitment.

It’s when you get back on track and continue to build new practices that meaningful change becomes your new normal.

Much like brushing your teeth each day, you will soon stop needing to remind yourself to take those breaks, or treat yourself well, or set healthy boundaries. Practices like these become your new way of being, and you are then able to bring attention to the next area where you seek to make change.

Can you imagine what it can look to become more of the woman you want to be by the end of 2020?

What would it look like for you to show up and do what’s important to you without those old ways of being?

What might your new year look like if you were able to shift into being a creator of the life you want, rather than feeling like it’s so hard to make the moves you long for?

Begin now! Start to take small steps to become all you yearn to be.

There’s no time like the present to get started.

And if you want personal support, to help you overcome the limitations that are hampering you with more ease and consistency, let’s make a date for a complimentary Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I’ll be happy to help you gain insights and new perspectives about the challenges that limit you and how you can move forward in your life in exciting ways.

And, if we both think the fit is right, I can share the way that my new signature program, Live Big Live!, might help you become a powerful creator of the future you yearn for.