The big mindset lesson I did not see coming

Our mindset is always crucially important, and it’s never been more important than it is now.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I advocate for creating as a key way to live well. My mission is to help people to adopt the mindset of being creators in their lives, rather than letting life happen to them.

And, I advocate for the benefits of finding ways to create expressively. When you express yourself through any creative effort, you can “offload” troubling emotion, get into a state of flow and positivity, and elevate great emotions.

My original plan for this article was to talk about how you can tune in to your intuition, and why that’s something valuable to learn and practice now.

But I am taking a detour.

I want to share something personal, that has proven to be big for me this week. 

In this time of living through major disruption, when so much has shifted and so many are struggling, my creative practice has amazed me. I have loved the time I’ve set aside to paint the last four years. But in the last two months it has become more important than I ever expected.

I want to share what’s happened in my life in the last weeks.

I have been studying painting at the SMFA since 2016. I take one class each semester, on Monday nights. And, I nearly always spend a couple of hours painting on the Sunday before my class.

It’s a relatively small time commitment, but it’s been a meaningful and important part of my life.

And then the pandemic hit.

Tufts closed and we shifted to online classes — which is super-challenging for a studio class! Fortunately, I had set up a dedicated small painting studio in my home last summer, so I had a place for all of my materials and the canvases that had been at school.

And, my life got busier than ever in the last eight weeks. I was no longer making time on Sundays to paint. But I did paint on Monday evenings, and what started to happen in that time has been more profound than I ever could have imagined.

The world changed and my art changed.

My abstract paintings have always been rooted in emotion, in making visual what I am feeling. And while I have been safe, healthy and secure, and gratified to be able to support so many people during this stressful time, I thought I was pretty grounded. 

But I can see now that I was unaware of how my mindset was being tested.

Standing in front of my easel these last weeks, and letting all of my emotion come forward, has connected me to a lot of tough stuff that I’d had glimpses of, but had not fully acknowledged. And that unacknowledged deep emotion was interfering with my well-being.

I am concerned about my elderly parents. I am concerned about family members in frail health. I am concerned about policy makers who have increased the scope and danger of the epidemic for our society and continue to fail us in so many ways. I am disturbed by how many people are in peril — front-line workers, those who are ill with the virus, people who are in dire financial straits, people around the world who were in peril before all of this, and are in greater danger now. I could go on and on. 

That deep emotion sat like an undercurrent, disturbing my sleep, my digestion and making me feel subtly uneasy. It would not sit quietly under the surface when I was in the studio. It insisted on being fully felt. And I let it be the fuel for my work.

I am letting myself feel it all.  

Each time I have painted over the last weeks has been wrenching. Something inside has opened up each time I’ve stepped into my studio — my sacred space for feeling it all.

My heart has ached. Tears have run down my face. In fact, just writing this is making me emotional. 

And I let it all come, without trying to make “beautiful paintings.” My amazing teacher, Elaine Spatz-Rabinowitz, and my dear classmates (all on Zoom now) have been remarkably supportive. Yes, they said — make it ugly. Yes, be raw.

And magic has happened. 

It has felt so liberating to allow myself to paint the ugly and raw emotions that have been sitting just under the surface. And, remarkably, what has come through me onto the canvas is one painting in particular, titled In the Unknown, that I completed last Monday. I have never painted anything like this before. My feelings are coming through in new and different ways.

I have lightened the burden on my heart through the process of creating, each time I show up in my studio. And, I hope that my expressions of this deep emotion will touch someone, somewhere, and help them to feel what they may have bottled up or pushed aside.

This time will not last forever. We will move forward.

Some things will be the same after this. Many things will have shifted. And we will adapt and adjust.

But what I have learned in my studio will stay with me. I will hold the knowing that when I create, I connect to all of myself and I give myself these two big gifts — the gift of awareness, and the gift of using and releasing the pain in my heart as I make it visible. 

Some people do this when they create with words. Some do it with dance. Some do it with music. Some do it with food, or fabrics, or sculpting, or building, or transforming their gardens, or enlightening those around them. Some turn to bright color and uplifting sounds and forms. Some need to be with their pain.

All who create give themselves a tremendous gift. 

I invite you explore this territory. 

I am here to support you.

The Thriving Now page on my website has a growing list of resources that can  can help you do just that — thrive. The tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 2 at 3:00pm eastern. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 1 more spot on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls, and 2 spots are available next week. Access my calendar to schedule a session.*

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What my art — and making it — is teaching me

A SCULPTURE I RECENTLY  COMPLETED.

Having embarked on a new professional direction after selling my design firm 5 years ago, I dicovered that I loved Intuitive Painting (so much that I became an instructor in that proecess), but that engaging in other personal creative work was a challenge. In time I started writing poetry (as I have always loved words, and that was a comfortable way for me to express ideas and emotions). And, last year I enrolled in a class at Boston's MFA and began sculpting in clay. To my delight, I loved working with my hands and in three dimensions.

On my fall 2015 sabbatical, I took a new big step and enrolled in an abstract painting course at the Corcoran School of the Arts and Design. To say that it was life-changing is not an overstatement. I had a brilliant teacher and wonderful classmates who generously embraced me as a new student, and who all taught me more than I'd have imagined possible in a one-semester course.

Now, I am enrolled at the SMFA in Bosotn, with another brillient painting teacher and inspiring classmates. And, I have continued to study with my sculpting teacher.

All of this art-making takes a lot of time. I wondered, at first, if perhaps I was devoting too much time to this work, as my coaching practice and the programs I offer are so important to me and require so much time and attention. Now that we are four months into 2016, I am taking stock of the decisions I made, and how the balance is working for me.

MY MOST RECENT SCULPTURE, ASSEMBLED QUICKLY AND INTUITIVELY WITH FOUND OBJECTS.

What I have realized is that my creative work is richly rewarding — and it challenges me. In the best moments, I make what I feel tangible in my art. I sometimes find myself in such flow that I completely lose track of time. That is an amazing experience, and one that, happily, I often replicate when engaged in my coaching work.

Other times when I am in the studio, and more often this semester in my painting class, I find myself struggling to connect to my intution, unable to create with ease. I had decided at the start of the semester to deliberately use this painting class to experiment with a wide range of techniques, so that I my painting process can flow. I want to find a way to paint that feels like home for me. So, I am perservering and have started to find more freedom as I paint.

Strikingly, when I am at work outside of either the painting or sculpting studios, I realize that I more naturally look for opportunities to be responsive, intuitive, adaptable and, yes, creative — in recognizing unexpected and intriguing ideas, and in the decisions I make and the actions I take. This fluidity is striking to me, and is leading me in exciting directions. And, the happiness I feel with my work is ever increasing.

I am certain that my descion to devote time to personal creative exploration is paying dividends for me, and I am excited as I contemplate continuing my journey to develop as an artist.

Sabbatical update — reflections at the mid-point

I continue to be enormously grateful for my 3-month sabbatical adventure. In the year before it started, the prospect of having 3 months to live in a new city and dive deep into new learning and personal exploration sounded like it would be a rare and remarkable experience. Now that I am at the mid-point, I can say that the sabbatical has surpassed my expectations.

The rhythm and structure of my days is quite different here than in Boston. I am taking a semester-long abstract painting class as well as a short course on making art books. I‘ve also committed to a self-study program and I am working to complete a book I had started writing before the sabbatical. I am working with a few coaching clients on a very limited basis now, and savoring the time with them. I am also visiting as many of Washington's museums and monuments as I can, I‘m walking to explore as widely as my feet can manage, and Steven and I have been taking in movies more often than usual. I‘m doing some cooking with lovely farmers‘ market finds, and we are enjoying socializing with some friends and family — including some wonderful new friends — who live in the DC area. 

One of my paintings

Every day is different, and I am never at a loss for things to do. But as I plan each day, I am aware that it is very easy for me to slip into old patterns and overload my schedule. I am conscious of making choices to create space for some quiet every day, whether it‘s for reading, meditation, drawing, or walking in a beautiful place. Creating balance is a big priority now, and I hope that when I return to Boston at the end of the year it will be a natural part of my life.

My first book

Among my most inspiring experiences have been recent museum visits. When I look at art now, I see it in new ways. When I stand before a painting, I look at color through new eyes, thinking about all of the color choices the artist made. I have a new appreciation for the tones they mixed as well as the impact of the juxtaposition of colors. And, I am keenly aware of the painting technique, marveling at strokes of textured paint, or smoother surfaces with clean edges of color against color, or a flat surface in which the brush strokes are barely perceptible. The craft of the painting, as well as its color and composition and overall emotional impact are all playing in my head (and my heart) as I walk through galleries. 

Whether sharing studio time in my painting classes, or seeing the gallery exhibitions of some of my incredibly talented classmates, or gazing at masterworks in some of our country's most fabulous museums, I am thrilled by all of the creative stimulation. That energy spills over into every part of my life.

Here are just a few examples of recent pleasures and experiences.

The color transformations of David Hockney's Snails Space with Vari-Lites, "Painting as Performance", as the lighting slowly changed, wERE astonishingly beautiful. [At The Smithsonian American art Museum]

Pat Steir's elegant Gold Morning with Roses; Wayne Thibaud's Jackpot Machine, with a paint surface that looks like frosting; A detail in another David Hockney painting, Double Entrance, where you can see the fabulous way he uses and applies color to a canvas; Eric Fischl's Ten Breaths: Tumbling Woman II, which powerfully relates to the human dimension of September 11. [AT THE SMITHSONIAN AMERICAN ART MUSEUM]

The imposing Lincoln memorial; a family doing a rubbing of the name of a relative who died in the Vietnam War, at the moving vietnam war memorial; and looking at the Washington Monument from the lincoln memorial.

Our sunday trips to the farmers' market at Dupont Circle are always a visual delight.

Some of my talented classmates at work in our painting studio; the studio where my Book arts class is taught.

I cannot omit some other highlights of the sabbatical so far. The first half of this adventure was punctuated by a wonderful week back in Boston, where I had a powerful retreat with my coaching group to conclude and celebrate the completion of 6 months together. And, I had the pleasure to doing two great Evening of Creativity and Cooking workshops with women who were full of creative spirit. 

As I look ahead, I am eager to continue the challenging work in my painting class (I‘m venturing out of my comfort zone and starting to paint on larger canvases), learning from my gifted teacher and my generous classmates. I look forward to visiting the newly renovated Renwick Gallery that will reopen next week, as well as many other museums. I have plans to spend time with new acquaintances who share my passion for creativity. And, I am excited to anticipate our trip back to Boston for Thanksgiving, when we will spend time with our children and our precious grandson, before returning for the last weeks of this special time in Washington. 

I am truly excited to be here and to be living big!