What I learned in a family medical emergency

As much as we make plans and think we have everything carefully mapped out, life has a way of throwing us curveballs.

I was excited to anticipate a trip to visit my father for the holiday weekend. We had not seen him since Thanksgiving, and now that the entire family is fully vaccinated I envisioned a nice drive to Philadelphia on Friday, where we’d spend a few days enjoying relaxed conversations over delicious meals, take short excursions to lovely places, and I would have ample time to reconnect with my father and sisters.

What happened instead is that on Wednesday my father was rushed to an emergency room with frightening symptoms. We left for Philadelphia early Thursday morning and spent the next 5 days with him in the hospital.

A robust 95-year-old, my dad is amazing. I am glad to say that he has pulled through a complex set of events, and should be able to return home soon.

While it was a far cry from the visit we planned, I am deeply grateful for the wonderful care my father received, and that we were able to be with him and my sisters.

I am enormously grateful that with COVID vaccination rates high, restrictions at the hospital were partially lifted, so we could be with him and confer directly with his doctors and nurses. And there was far less worry about exposure than there would have been even a few weeks back.

And I am grateful for all the ways my family pulled together to look after him.

Sometimes we get unexpected reminders of important life lessons

When everything goes according to plan, it’s easy to take a lot for granted. I appreciate that some important insights I’ve integrated in my life in the past few years came into even clearer focus this week.

These are at the top of my list:

• No matter how carefully I plan (and I plan a lot!), remaining flexible is a must. I was able to do that this week.

• No matter what happens, staying present and responding with a clear head is crucial. Happily, I was able to do that, too.

• Help is always available, and reaching out for help is always a good idea. I reached out for and received so much meaningful help that supported me this week, both emotionally and practically.

• It’s possible to stay positive in the face of uncertainty. That outlook helped me to be resilient.

• Frightening emotions don’t have to derail me. I can feel them, work through them, stay present and persevere.

• Self-care helps enormously when life gets challenging. Good nutrition, staying in a comfortable hotel, and getting ample sleep made each day easier.

• Love is powerful, and the best medicine.

What do you need to do to be ready for the unexpected?

If life throws you a curveball out of the blue, how do you think you will be able to respond?

I know that my journey of personal development over the last decade, that led me to becoming a coach, bolstered my internal resources immeasurably. I was able to cope and move through the stresses of this week in ways that would have been much harder for me years back.

If you want guidance about how to build a solid foundation for your best life, email me and we can make a date to talk about what’s in the way for you now, and what’s possible, too. Or you can schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me directly — click here to find a spot on my calendar.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you ready for what’s next?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reading lots of new posts that are focused on “emerging” and “restarting.”

Maybe we are at a moment where things will start to “open up.” And...

What that will look like — depending on where you live, and the way it’s handled, and if we will find ourselves knocked back again — is a big unknown.

As an optimist, I always focus on the positive. And still, this is a time for taking a clear look at where we are, what may be coming, and how to navigate now.

That’s because we are faced with a force of biology and nature that’s unlike anything we have experienced before. There are too many variables and possibilities to know what lies just ahead (much less what’s coming farther down the road).

So, having lived through weeks of isolation and facing so much uncertainty, what can you do now?

1. Start by assessing your current state

Most of us have used the weeks since enforced social distancing as a time to consider how we can live our best lives despite remarkable limitations. 

Some have struggled, some have had ups and downs. 

Some have found new ways to find well-being — both emotionally and physically — while others are still looking for what they need to feel grounded and balanced and healthy.

We all have different challenges — from isolation and loneliness, to juggling childcare and work, to caring for elderly loved ones at a distance, to finding our financial well-being overturned, to health challenges, to having to respond or provide services in new ways in our businesses, to grief, and more. 

I doubt that any of us moving through this time have been unaffected or unchanged.

So, how are you doing now?

2. Sustain your foundation — or shore it up

The only thing we know for sure is that there’s uncertainty ahead. 

If you have adjusted and feel you have solid footing, this is the time to sustain it. That means maintaining a commitment to yourself and the routines that are working. And, it means staying open and creative in your thinking, so that you can modify as you find new and better ways to support yourself, or find yourself needing to adapt to changes.

For most of us, living well continues to be a work in progress. And, that's ok. This is a perfect time to shore up your foundation.

3. Put your best resource to work.

What’s the greatest resource, that’s available to all of us, no matter how you have assessed your current state?

Creativity

And if you are wondering how to start ramping up your creativity, it’s easier than you may think.

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while you have heard me say that a key to opening your creative channels is to start by bolstering self-love.

Here are some simple ways to give yourself a little self-love pep talk.

• Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person, and are deserving of goodness, happiness and abundance.

• Remind yourself that you have a wealth of gifts to share. 

• Remind yourself that you have overcome challenges before and can again. 

Next, ask yourself questions like these:

• What self-care do I need to focus on now?

• Who can I turn to for help and support?

• How can I think differently?

• How can I serve in new ways?

• What would bring more happiness into my life?

• What's possible that I have not explored?

• Where are there opportunities now?

• How can I look at things from a new angle or perspective?

• How might I pivot?

• What matters most to me now? What one small thing can I do to make it happen, or do more of it?

All of these questions put you into a creative mindset. They open your creative thinking, and as a byproduct, they lift your spirits. 

You might write for 5 or 10 minutes as you answer each of the questions that calls to you — and you might add more questions as your intuition and curiosity get into gear.

And, to really amplify the process, start a creative practice, or do more that’s creatively expressive. Doodle, sing, cook, garden, write poems, play music, knit, build something, paint, quilt, dance — whatever you enjoy creating will give you a big emotional lift, and that lift will make everything in your life better.  

Once you adopt a creative mindset, and ramp up creative expression, you will be amazed at the impact they have. And as you move into the future you will have the resources you need to continue creating your best life. 

Are you ready for support?

I continue to provide a range of ways to support you.

The list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website continues to grow. All of the tools and ideas, that can help you as you navigate this time, have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 16 at 3:00pm eastern. Join in for another intimate conversation with women from all over the country, when we connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want one-on-one coaching support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Here’s how to schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big mindset lesson I did not see coming

Our mindset is always crucially important, and it’s never been more important than it is now.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I advocate for creating as a key way to live well. My mission is to help people to adopt the mindset of being creators in their lives, rather than letting life happen to them.

And, I advocate for the benefits of finding ways to create expressively. When you express yourself through any creative effort, you can “offload” troubling emotion, get into a state of flow and positivity, and elevate great emotions.

My original plan for this article was to talk about how you can tune in to your intuition, and why that’s something valuable to learn and practice now.

But I am taking a detour.

I want to share something personal, that has proven to be big for me this week. 

In this time of living through major disruption, when so much has shifted and so many are struggling, my creative practice has amazed me. I have loved the time I’ve set aside to paint the last four years. But in the last two months it has become more important than I ever expected.

I want to share what’s happened in my life in the last weeks.

I have been studying painting at the SMFA since 2016. I take one class each semester, on Monday nights. And, I nearly always spend a couple of hours painting on the Sunday before my class.

It’s a relatively small time commitment, but it’s been a meaningful and important part of my life.

And then the pandemic hit.

Tufts closed and we shifted to online classes — which is super-challenging for a studio class! Fortunately, I had set up a dedicated small painting studio in my home last summer, so I had a place for all of my materials and the canvases that had been at school.

And, my life got busier than ever in the last eight weeks. I was no longer making time on Sundays to paint. But I did paint on Monday evenings, and what started to happen in that time has been more profound than I ever could have imagined.

The world changed and my art changed.

My abstract paintings have always been rooted in emotion, in making visual what I am feeling. And while I have been safe, healthy and secure, and gratified to be able to support so many people during this stressful time, I thought I was pretty grounded. 

But I can see now that I was unaware of how my mindset was being tested.

Standing in front of my easel these last weeks, and letting all of my emotion come forward, has connected me to a lot of tough stuff that I’d had glimpses of, but had not fully acknowledged. And that unacknowledged deep emotion was interfering with my well-being.

I am concerned about my elderly parents. I am concerned about family members in frail health. I am concerned about policy makers who have increased the scope and danger of the epidemic for our society and continue to fail us in so many ways. I am disturbed by how many people are in peril — front-line workers, those who are ill with the virus, people who are in dire financial straits, people around the world who were in peril before all of this, and are in greater danger now. I could go on and on. 

That deep emotion sat like an undercurrent, disturbing my sleep, my digestion and making me feel subtly uneasy. It would not sit quietly under the surface when I was in the studio. It insisted on being fully felt. And I let it be the fuel for my work.

I am letting myself feel it all.  

Each time I have painted over the last weeks has been wrenching. Something inside has opened up each time I’ve stepped into my studio — my sacred space for feeling it all.

My heart has ached. Tears have run down my face. In fact, just writing this is making me emotional. 

And I let it all come, without trying to make “beautiful paintings.” My amazing teacher, Elaine Spatz-Rabinowitz, and my dear classmates (all on Zoom now) have been remarkably supportive. Yes, they said — make it ugly. Yes, be raw.

And magic has happened. 

It has felt so liberating to allow myself to paint the ugly and raw emotions that have been sitting just under the surface. And, remarkably, what has come through me onto the canvas is one painting in particular, titled In the Unknown, that I completed last Monday. I have never painted anything like this before. My feelings are coming through in new and different ways.

I have lightened the burden on my heart through the process of creating, each time I show up in my studio. And, I hope that my expressions of this deep emotion will touch someone, somewhere, and help them to feel what they may have bottled up or pushed aside.

This time will not last forever. We will move forward.

Some things will be the same after this. Many things will have shifted. And we will adapt and adjust.

But what I have learned in my studio will stay with me. I will hold the knowing that when I create, I connect to all of myself and I give myself these two big gifts — the gift of awareness, and the gift of using and releasing the pain in my heart as I make it visible. 

Some people do this when they create with words. Some do it with dance. Some do it with music. Some do it with food, or fabrics, or sculpting, or building, or transforming their gardens, or enlightening those around them. Some turn to bright color and uplifting sounds and forms. Some need to be with their pain.

All who create give themselves a tremendous gift. 

I invite you explore this territory. 

I am here to support you.

The Thriving Now page on my website has a growing list of resources that can  can help you do just that — thrive. The tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 2 at 3:00pm eastern. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 1 more spot on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls, and 2 spots are available next week. Access my calendar to schedule a session.*

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Overcoming the biggest obstacle

We are all moving through and adjusting to our new, shared reality day by day. 

The topic that comes up most in conversation with the people I speak to on my weekly Zoom calls and with my clients, is how we are each making our way through our days.

Some are feeling grounded. Some are struggling. All are making adjustments.

And all of us experience ups and downs. It’s important to be compassionate with yourself when you are stressed. 

The biggest obstacle we face is not new to this moment, but it is playing an out-sized role: FEAR

I get it. Things are scary. But we can give ourselves time to feel into it, and then know that we don't have to let fear cripple us. In fact, the better we can learn techniques to manage fear and shift from it, the less it will hinder us.

Try these 3 great antidotes to fear

1. Live in the Present  

When you are able to be fully present in each moment, you get the gifts in the moment. You are not spinning out future scenarios, or replaying old stories.

Worry and fear can stay on the outside of that space.

When you are living in the present you can be grateful for what is good, what is beautiful, and what is meaningful right now. 

This focused attention also enables you to create the moment you want and need. And, it invites you to create a vision for what is possible to support you, as well as consider all that is possible. Your quiet mind is able to connect to your intuition, and new ideas are likely to show up.

My book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life includes a chapter about living in the present, with practices that can help you to make being present a natural way of living. To get started right now, simply pause, take a few slow deep breaths, and notice how good that feels. There, you’ve made a start.

2. Love More  

Love is a huge antidote to fear. This is the time to stay connected! Spend time (by phone, or video call) with family, friends, business colleagues and clients.

How can you share more love? 
How can you beef up self-love with some extra self-care each day? 
How can love inspire new ways for you to be of service, or help more people? 

When you live from a place of love, everything is better and everything flows more easily. 

There’s a chapter titled Love More in my book, and there is also a gift I’ve offered in the book that helps you understand self-love and the self-critic. You can download that guide here — as well as a few guided meditations.

3. Stay in Action   

Being active is a fabulous way to keep fear at bay. And it works in a few ways:

Be physically in motion: 

Find ways to move each day. Take a walk and connect to nature and the sky. Do an on-line yoga class or other exercise class (so many great ones are available now). Get up and stretch, or dance, or both! 

Create expressively: 

Choose something that will be fun. 

• Do you love using your hands? Do some knitting or a crafty project. 

• Do you enjoy cooking (or are you learning to cook now that take-out and restaurants are not your go-to way of feeding yourself)? Play with ingredients. Try new combinations or seasonings. Plate you food with attention to beauty.

• Do you feel called to draw or play with colors? Find some markers, pencils or paints and make a little creative station (your kitchen table is fine). Or pull out some old magazines and glue, and make collages. 

• Make virtual “creative dates” with someone and share your creations.

Take steps to implement new ideas: 

Remember the new ideas that showed up when you slowed down and started living in the present? Think about what small first steps you can map out, and start doing them. Is it a new way to serve your clients, as you see new needs arise? Is it a new way to stay connected with people far away? Is it a new way you want to experiment with creativity?

Commit to taking at least one new step each day. Momentum will build, even if you find yourself iterating and adjusting. Day after day, you will be in motion!

I am here. I want to support you.

My third Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Sunday included a wonderful group of big-hearted women from all over the country. We came together to connect, share and learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, April 5 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to guide everyone through practices and insights for more ways to live well in these times.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Finding the gifts in a difficult time

A new reality is here. Most of us are at home 24/7. (And for those working in hospitals, pharmacies, food stores and other essential jobs, you, too, are adjusting to a new reality — and the rest of us are enormously grateful to you.)

Is this stressful? Certainly.

Are people having to adjust to a range of new challenges? Yes.

Is it easy? Not at all.

Even those of us who have worked at home for years, and do not have small ones (or teens) with us ’round the clock, are finding this to be a time of enormous adjustment. 

And... we always have the opportunity to create — and in this case, to create our way through the challenge. 

The gift of this crisis is that we can each create our path forward. Lots of learning, growth and possibility are available.

In the Zoom calls I offered last week and Saturday, and in three Zoom calls I attended that were offered by colleagues I admire, a lot of insight has emerged and a lot has been shared. 

These are three big takeaways:

Gift #1  We are all in this together. 

We truly need one another now. Through the remarkable technology available, we are not completely isolated. We can support one another in myriad ways. To quote my husband: Building community is one of our best tools to persevere and maintain perspective and hope.

Gift #2  We have a lot of time, and choices for how to use it. 

Some people who are at home are extra-busy now — with their work, or caring for and teaching their children, or other demands. Many of us have more time each day — because work has slowed or stopped, because we are not commuting, because usual activities are cancelled.

We all have the same 24 hours each day we have always had. And we get to choose how to use them. The circumstances we find ourselves in offer us the opportunity to get intentional about it.

For those on the busy end of the spectrum, you can make choices and set priorities. You can create blocks of time for all that needs to be done, and NOT include things that are not important now. You can create space for self-care, even if that is simply of few 5-minute breaks to sit in quiet, or time to soak in a bath at the end of the day.

For those with more hours to fill than they are used to — those who have little work, are quarantined, have fewer commitments — there are many choices to be made. How do you want to structure your day so that you are intellectually stimulated, stay physically strong, learn new things, do something creative each day, and practice self-care? Creating time blocks for your day will help you to keep from drifting, and will reduce anxiety.

Gift #3.  We can learn and we can grow. 

I have learned and started to practice some incredibly helpful new ways to make each day work. And I have refocused on things I have learned before, that are more relevant now than ever. These are all helping me to keep anxiety low, and make each day work well.

Here are a few of my go-to practices:• I sit with my journal.  I set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day and start to write. I do not lift my pen from the paper until I have poured out my emotion, and along the way I connect new dots for new insights. This has been a game-changer for me.

• I consume less news.  I do not listen to news first thing upon waking. I choose my source with care. I have an AM check-in and listen again in the evening for a few minutes. That is plenty, and it keeps me from feeling consumed with worry.

• I do something creative.  Even a small doodle, and certainly a little more time creating provides a remarkable release. (You can get into flow as you play an instrument, do something new and different while you cook, sing to the kind of music that is calling to you, or any other way of creating. Getting stimulated out in nature is also great, and you benefit from using your body, too.)

• I spend quality time with people I love.  My husband and son are at home with me, and we have taken walks together, read aloud to each other, cooked together, and are planning for other ways to make this time special. And Facetime, Zoom and phone calls with family and friends have been incredibly meaningful. 

• I am staying physically active.  Even if the weather is bad and I do not venture out for a walk, I am making time to be active indoors. This keeps my spirits up and feels really good.

• I believe and I trust.  I remind myself that we will find our way through this. I believe that we will learn valuable lessons, and that those lessons will help us in the future. I think back to times in my life when I have been resilient in the face of terrible events. And I think back to times in history — some not so long ago — when people were able to live through fear, danger and uncertainty, and survive (and often thrive) on the other side.

• I am grateful.  I end each day with thoughts of gratitude. It is my practice as I transition to sleep. (Bonus: Both expressing gratitude and getting ample sleep are key ways I am keeping my immune system strong.)

I am here and want to support you.

My second Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday was a special time for sharing and learning. We had a wonderful group that included people dealing with an array of circumstances, from both coasts. 

I will offer another call on Sunday, March 29 at 3:00 eastern. I'm eager to share more ways to live well in these times, and eager to share the time with you.

Register here to join me.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.