Give yourself the gift of going deep

Most accomplished women are lucky to carve out bits of time for quiet reflection, much less deep thinking.

Endless to-do lists run their lives. And when time does open up, many don’t think to reflect, or know how to approach quiet inquiry. They usually find themselves returning to being busy, or they get distracted in all sorts of ways that quickly fill time. 

What going deep can look like

I first ventured into deep personal exploration over a decade ago and it changed my life. Working with a coach, I was prompted and guided to explore questions I never had before.

And a notable part of my journey was when I dared to start painting in 2015. It has enabled me to know myself and express myself in truly remarkable ways.

Having just returned from attending a fabulous week at a writing retreat, I am so glad I took a big new step on my path of meaningful expansion.

I was guided to bravely begin writing and to trust myself in a new medium. I was with a small group of inspiring women, also bravely writing stories that were powerful, funny, moving, raw, and provocative. We all explored and made discoveries found in deep places inside of us. 

We each dared to take this time for ourselves, motivated by a desire to grow in new ways as we shaped our ideas, committed them to paper, and received loving feedback from our teacher and each other.

We showed up for ourselves. We connected to parts of ourselves we do not usually approach. We excavated courageously and found gems.

I see great similarities between what happened for me last week and what I witness each time I lead my Live Big Live! program.

I feel a thrill when I see my clients discover exciting and gratifying work — or reignite their passion for what they do each day.

It is wonderful to observe the ways they are now forging, or repairing, or finding relationships from a grounded, clear, centered place.

They are each moving into exciting futures, with space to honor their well-being, with clarity, confidence and joy.

Are you ready to meet yourself in a new way?

The experience of connecting to yourself and igniting a huge spark in your life is possible for you, too.

If you are intrigued by the idea of making time for your own journey to your heart, so that you connect to your deep desires, clarify a vision for your most fulfilling future, and express yourself with joy, the spring Live Big Live! program may be right for you. 

You can be part of an intimate group of wonderful women who are bravely honoring themselves as they embark on rewarding journeys of self-discovery.

If you hear a small voice (or maybe a loud, “Yes!”) saying this is the time to connect to all of who you are, and be guided to living your most fulfilling life (whether you have an image of what that looks like or are trying to figure it out), let’s get on a call.

There are still a few spots available for the upcoming Live Big Live! retreat, but the deadline for enrollment is coming fast.

Let’s connect and see if this is a fit for you.

Schedule a call today

Let’s figure out what you really want

Here’s a question that may sound simple: Do you know what you want?

It’s an important question, but many women consider it in a superficial way.

Knowing what you truly want matters

In the midst of a busy life, it’s rare to take time to ask yourself what you deeply desire.

In the moment, you may want space to think, or to feel calm. You may want something yummy to eat, or feel the desire to connect to someone you miss.

Those desires are meaningful and always worth honoring.

It’s the the desires in your heart that lie deeper — those about which you have awareness and those that may be buried and need to be mined for — that many of us rarely explore.

Those deep desires are the key to creating a future that will be truly fulfilling.

You can learn to explore your deep desires

My life was on autopilot for decades. I had no idea there was another way to live. I took each day as it came, put out fires that flared, made the best decisions I could, and kept going.

It was not until I started working with a brilliant coach that I began making shifts — small at first — that opened up a world of new insight and new ways of being.

I learned to slow down, to tap my heart and listen to my intuition. I was asked great questions I hadn’t ever considered. Answering those questions lead to tremendous new awareness.

Everything I have learned, including my formal training, informs the work I now do with other accomplished women who are at a crossroads, in a transition, or are figuring out what's next.

And it’s a joy to share my approaches with great women.

Here are 3 ways to start finding your answers

1. You can begin slowly and take steady action

If you like to start with small steps, I invite you to order a copy of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. It’s full of wonderful small practices you can use each day to bring meaningful shifts into your life. (And the book is so lovely that you will want to pick it up often!)

2. Say “Yes” to a workshop experience

I developed a my Dream Big Vision-Board Workshop to help women go deep into their hearts and find their desires and truth — and capture it all visually, so they can stay committed to what they want in their lives.

I led the workshop this past weekend (see the photo below of the amazing boards that were made!) and I am exploring a date to offer the workshop again.

Sign up for my emails to get announcements, and reach out if you want to plan a special workshop for your team or group.

3. Explore what a breakthrough can look like for you

Check out my signature program Live Big Live! The spring retreat is launching soon, so this opportunity may be perfectly timed for you. (And, there are other coaching options, too.)

You can read what many remarkable women have said about their coaching experiences and outcomes, and see what resonates for you.

Self-awareness makes everything possible

All of the suggestions I included above are paths to personal insight that will set the stage for you to gain clarity and experience significant personal growth.

I would love to hear about the future you yearn to create.

And I would be delighted to provide you with new perspectives and insight, to help you gain some self-awareness right away.

Email me, or book a call here.

I look forward to our conversation!

Here are the beautiful, exciting vision boards each woman made at the workshop on Saturday. Each board shines with the clarity that was revealed in our time together!

How to play your way to a more fulfilling life

You, like most women I talk to and work with, may be focused on all you want to accomplish, and sometimes struggle to slow down and make space for yourself.

Paradoxically, you may also feel sluggish or stuck from time to time.

Some women express it as being in a funk, or feeling drained. 

They want to feel energized and upbeat, but that energy sometimes feels out of reach.

Play is a great way to ignite your spirit

When you feel low and cannot think of ways to shift into a positive, energized frame of mind, choosing to play works wonders!

And, playing sometimes sounds a bit odd to serious professionals.

I invite to you consider play with deeper insight.

Play is more beneficial than you may know

As adults, playing can sometimes feel complicated, and unimportant.

Consider that studies show that play releases endorphins (hormones in the brain and nervous system that make us feel happy). Play also helps our brains function better, reduces stress, and stimulates creativity. It even boosts physical health.

Try some (or many) of these fun ideas

Do you love collecting?

Whether you love to roam through antique markets, take walks on the beach in search of shells or driftwood, or search online for special items, set aside time, dive in, and enjoy!

Maybe games appeal to you.

Board games, competitive sports, or other types of games, excite lots of people. Rather than being a spectator, dive in! And playing these games with other people can add to the pleasure you’ll experience.

Maybe you like more solitary fun.

Choose a great jigsaw puzzle, word puzzles, or number puzzles and settle in to enjoy them.

Does exploring excite you?

You can get lost on purpose on a return trip from a meeting or errands and see what you discover. Or go to a place nearby that has intrigued you and explore in those surroundings.

You can create in so many ways!

Play with color and materials! Whether you enjoy drawing; using bright colored paints, pencils or markers; molding clay or throwing vessels on a potter’s wheel; sewing and other handwork; or building things, doing something creative and expressive is a great way to bring the spirit of play into your day!

There are endless possibilities for play. Maybe you have favorites I did not mention that you want to do more of, or are curious to try. 

Consider recruiting kids, friends, extended family, or coworkers to join the fun. The shared energy, laughter and mutual support will bring even more delight to your spirit!

What do you want more of?

Play fuels your life with positive energy, opening the way for you to connect to what really matters most for you, so you can pursue those things — even in the midst of a busy life.

It’s a game-changer to live your life with clarity about what you desire. 

And it’s a game-changer to live with a heart that is lit up.

This is how you create the life you want, day by day. It’s what I call living big!

My signature program, Live Big Live!, that was formed by my path to creating the life I desired, has helped great women like you to move past what has limited them so that they now live bigger, more confident and fulfilling lives. 

I would be happy to share the details about Live Big Live! (that will soon kick off for the spring) to see if it might take you to new heights.

Email me, or book a call here. I look forward to our conversation!

What are you doing for YOU today?

I've lived a whirlwind of exciting travel the since mid-January, and I am deeply grateful for the amazing experiences I have enjoyed.

Living in Paris, then attending a life-changing retreat in Texas, and now spending time in Arizona, I have seen heart-stopping art, been in gorgeous urban and natural environments, shared time with people precious to me, and eaten wonderful food.

For most of these weeks I sustained a “normal” work schedule, coaching clients, speaking virtually, and attending meetings on Zoom.

I have also made art with a limited set of materials that I could carry with me, and have enjoyed quite a few surprises as I created in new ways.

And now, I am (finally) slowing down to give myself the gift of rest.

We are humans, not machines

My natural inclination is to be in motion, to do.

I have an abundance of ideas. There is so much that excites me. I love my work and love connecting to new people.

And paradoxically, one of the big messages I share in my speaking appearances and writing is that we need to slow down and be still. I teach that that ability and practice is the foundation of Living Big!

“Slow Down and Be Still” is the title of the first chapter of my book, and the entire first half of the book is about the being of Living Big! Of course, there is a natural rhythm for being and doing, it’s just that I often am out of balance. And I know I am not alone.

To quote myself, we are human beings, but we spend too much time doing and not enough time being.

And even machines need down-time, and routine maintenance!

We need to return to the basics, over and over

In conversations I have had recently, a number of women have shared that their crushing schedules and pressures at work have led to burnout.

A big contributor is that many women put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

I am not pushing as hard as I have in the past, but I have slipped, bit by bit, into too much doing without adequately focusing on my wellbeing.

I have reminded myself that “we teach what we need to learn.” For me, it is time to get back to the fundamentals.

Small ideas for slowing things down

The key for me, and for most women, is to start making really tiny shifts. We often underestimate the impact of making small consistent changes.

You may want to pick from these ideas and see what happens.

1. Make a bedtime shift

Many women tell me they stay up late and are exhausted in the morning. Why not adjust your evening routine and go to bed 10 or 15 minutes earlier? After a few days or a week, you may try for another 15 minutes earlier.

2. A little movement works wonders

Set a reminder on your phone to go off at least once an hour. Turn away from your computer and sit and breathe for 2 minutes. (Setting the timer for two minutes will allow you just relax and breathe!) Then stand up and stretch for another minute or two. 

3. Fresh air is a game-changer

So many people spend their days inside buildings and cars. Get outside and walk at least once each day! It can be to the corner and back, a spin around the block, a walk to a lunch spot you usually drive to, following on a path in a nearby park, or walking down a city street.

4. Create more “white space”

If you look at a magazine layout, the page is sure to have margins that designers have created to make the page easy and pleasurable to ready. Nobody wants to read a page crammed with solid text! That “white space” is important in life, too. Look at your calendar and create some “white space” for yourself this week and looking ahead. What have you said “yes” to that you can you skip? What can be delegated to someone else? What can be deferred?

5. Schedule something just for you

Look at your calendar and schedule in time (anywhere from an hour to a day!) for something that will make you happy! Who might you play with? What might you explore? What will light you up? What will make you feel great? 

6. There are endless possibilities!

If nothing on this list especially sparks your spirit, or you want to do more for yourself, think about something small that will do it for you. It could be eating a fresh salad with flavors you love, or getting tickets for the theater, or making a call to someone you miss. Find something that is just for you that you can make space for now.

It is important to be mindful about these practices!

If you see the busy creeping back in, return to the awareness of how you are living — and see if you can expand on these new ways of making space for yourself and your wellbeing!

The changes I am making now

I have one more week in Arizona before returning home. I am slowing down and it feels wonderful.

I have a bit of work on my schedule this week, but I have planned to do far less than usual.

I started getting more sleep.

I now start my day listening to music I love, rather than the news.

I am walking in nature every day.

I am making time to write from the heart.

I have set things up to be able to play and make art with ease. (While my new creative experiments are not yet posted, you can take a look at my artist website here.) 

And I am firmly committed to sustaining my focus on slowing down and being intentional about my schedule when I return home next week!

If you want to share your favorite small self-care tips — or you want to share your struggles to slow down — I invite you to email me, or book a call and we can talk.

Are you ready for take-off?

If you read saw my post last week, you know that I’m taking off on an adventure today. I will be living in Paris for a whole month, and am enormously excited as I embark on this experience!

There's something magical about the moment we start a new adventure.

Whether it is traveling to explore and have new experiences in special places, or when you start anything new and meaningful, great opportunities await you.

This is a perfect time to consider the adventures you want to create in 2023.

What are you ready for now?

The fresh new year is full of vast possibilities!

What projects — related to your work and your personal life — do you feel called to make your focus this year?

What are you ready to start?

Is there a dream, or project, or initiative that you want to get off the ground?

Think about business-or work-related efforts, and also personal initiatives.

For a personal initiative, perhaps you want to start a new friendship, or create a new dynamic with family members, or plan a new garden so you can have fresh flowers and produce to enjoy as the year unfolds.

Also consider you.

Is there a new way of being you want to cultivate? Do you want to start showing up in the world in a new way?

Perhaps it’s time to start creating more space for your wellbeing — like reading, or expressing yourself through music or drawing, or pursuing a particular interest?

I’d be happy to send you a lovely guide, Creating Space for YOU to help you do that with ease, Simply email me and I'll get it right off to you. (You can forward it to friends, too, so you can start making great changes together.)

What have you begun that you want to accelerate the pace on now?

Perhaps something you started stalled out, or had to be put aside for some reason.

Is this the time to bring renewed focus and energy toward getting it moving with more velocity?

Think about things that might fall into this category that are related to your professional life and your personal life. Which one feels most meaningful or exciting to get moving?

Returning your attention — and setting clear intensions — to something that your care about that was put aside for any number of reasons will be very satisfying.

Make a plan for what your first small step can be. And put a date on your calendar when you will take that step.

What do you dream of launching now?

There may be a new project or enterprise you’ve been thinking about and you feel ready to plan to make that dream a reality.

How will you lay the foundation?

Who will you talk to for input or advice?

What research will you do?

Who might you invite into the process?

What first steps will you take to move it forward this year?

The choices you make now matter

You have the power to create the reality you truly wish for. 

How is that possible?

Start with willingness to transform and grow, to embrace the mystery and go deep, and to engage in the process of creating the life you want.

Add belief — belief that you matter. Belief that you deserve to put yourself first, knowing that when you make yourself a priority you perform at your best and are better for everyone else in your orbit. And when you embrace all of your creative power, you naturally believe in every possibility. 

Dive in to find clarity about what you truly desire, what really matters most. What will you make your focus, and why? When you mine your heart and listen to your intuition you will make clear choices.

Then make commitments. It’s necessary and worthwhile to create structure and space in your life to take action to make what you care about your reality. And commitment to cultivate creativity of every kind. This commitment to yourself and to the ongoing focus and effort required to implement change in your life will lead to remarkable growth, satisfaction, and joy.

Whatever you choose to set your sights on will will be fueled by new clarity and energy. 

If you want to talk about the year (and life) you dream of, and what may be holding you back from realizing that vision, I would be happy for us to talk.

Although I’ll be away, I am making time for 5 Live Big Breakthrough Calls this month — and there's no cost to you. I’m happy to support you in gaining perspective and new insights as you step into a year that’s full of potential for adventures of all kinds.

Email me and we’ll find a time that works in both of our time zones. 

The lesson I learned again—that you may want to tune into

2023 did not begin as I had expected.

I was looking forward to the fresh new year, and living with my newly-set intention to amplify many things in my life (which you may have seen in the post I sent last week, when I shared my carefully-chosen word for the year).

A big part of my intention was — and is — to amplify devotion to the wellbeing of my body. And tucked neatly into that intention was slowing down.

If you have read my book, or heard me speak, you know that the first chapter of my book is Slow Down and Be Still. I made that the first chapter intuitively. As time has passed I have come to understand that slowing down is the foundation for living big.

So, you would think I have that down.

But living that principle, consciously slowing down, has been a challenge for me. It’s something I need to return to time and again. This past year I pushed myself harder than was healthy, and so tucked tidily into my word of the year was a clear intention to slow down and give my physical wellbeing the reverence it deserves.

And when I awoke on January 1, ready to step over the threshold of a fresh new year, I was sick. Sick with COVID.

After 2 years and 10 months of vigilance, vaxed and boosted and cautiously wearing a mask every time I was out of my home, a highly-contagious variant snuck past my defenses.

I’ve had no choice but to slow down!

While the symptoms have been managed well with medicines on hand, I slept through the first 4 days, and have continued to be enormously tired.

 It feels as though the universe stepped in on day 1 of the new year to test my commitment to slowing down!

And a part of me feels grateful. 

I have proof now. It is possible to slow down and take care of my body. There are people who can help me in all sorts of ways. I feel sure I am doing as well as I am because I did not push myself or do too much. And I am deeply committed to honoring what my body needs.

The timing was also “perfect,” or as close to perfect as it could be.

Because I’d made plans to travel on January 17 — to Paris! My husband and I will live in Paris for a month, and we have been looking forward to the adventure for some time.

I am grateful that we have plenty of time to fully recover (yes, he came down with COVID two days after I did), and prepare for the trip without pushing ourselves.

In the long-run, the imposed “pause” of this illness will be only a small blip on a year filled with experiences to be savored and expansion of our hearts.

I invite you consider how you can slow down and live into your commitments to yourself for 2023, whatever they are.

And while I will be away, I will not be out of touch.

Look for my weekly emails and blog posts (photos of Paris are sure to be sprinkled in!). I will be working with clients, doing some remote speaking, and will make creating a regular part of my life — all at reduced intensity. After all, there’s an amazing city I am eager to explore and enjoy.

With love and wishes for you to have a joyous, healthy new year.

One word can impact your whole year — really!

Welcome 2023! Wishing you a happy, healthy, joyous new year.

In last week's post I shared my word-of-the-year process. If you chose a word for your year, this is the moment to start living it.

If you missed it, or have not yet chosen your word, it's not too late to use the process. Find a few minutes to sit quietly and choose a word to guide you for this year.

Your word can have more impact than a resolution

I have found this practice to go deeper and have much more impact on my life than making new year resolutions, which quickly fall to the wayside for most people. My clients have also chosen words to guide their years that have significantly impacted their lives.

In last week’s post I offered a list of questions to chose from to get you started, and the post includes a link to my streamlined process, too.

You can combine the approaches or stick to the simpler version.

I hope your word will be meaningful for you now, and throughout 2023.

Last week I also promised to share my word for 2023 with you.

My word for 2023

As you can see, in addition to selecting a word, I always add the specific ways I intend to live into my word.

By printing it out and pinning it were I see it each day, I stay inspired and clear about my intentions throughout the year. I invite you to do that, too.

My new year gift to you

When you have selected your word for 2023, I'd be happy to typeset it for you, as I do for mine each year. I will do this for the first 10 people who send me their word for 2023.

Simply email me, and if you are one of the first 10 responses I receive, I will send you a PDF that you can print out and hang where you will see it, and be inspired by it, each day.

I am eager to hear the word you choose to help make 2023 your best year ever.

Sending you wishes for a new year filled with creative energy to fuel abundant love, happiness, peace, and prosperity.

How to end the year with insight and inspiration

In the last few days of 2022, many people have time away from work. Some are focused on family, some share a string of holiday celebrations, some are on vacation.

Whether you are busy in any of these ways, or you are working through the holiday, this week is an ideal time to create space for reflection and dreaming.

Start with using the guide below to do a “year in review” of your life in 2022, then look ahead to 2023.

Give yourself the gift of time to reflect

Our days flow by, and as we move along we rarely pause to take in the bigger picture.

I made a date with myself this past weekend to get cozy, sit with my journal, and do some reflecting. With music playing and candles flickering, I posed a number of questions to myself and did a bit of writing about each if them.

Pick questions from these lists and see what happens for you. (You may want to print this out and have it next to you as you write.)

First, go through your calendar for the past year and ask these questions:

What were the key things that happened each month?

Are there themes or patterns that you notice?

What excited you? What highlights do you want to put a star next to?

If you were making a top-10 list of your year, what would you include?

Why was each item on your top-10 list so great or meaningful?

Continue to reflect with some or all of these questions: 

Where did you struggle last year?

What were your wisest decisions? Your lessons learned?

What new habits did you develop, or deepen?

What did you stop doing?

Who influenced you the most this year?

What was the biggest or most meaningful thing you completed?

What relationships did you start, or deepen, or release?

What was left unfinished this year?

How did you take care of yourself?

When were you courageous?

What are you ready to let go of now?

What are you most proud of? What can you celebrate? (Don’t overlook the small things!)

Can you find gratitude for all of it — the things that delighted you and things that challenged you — knowing that all of them have been meaningful?

Next, look ahead to the new year

You may want to pause after taking stock of the past year, and then start fresh (later, or the next day) and look ahead.

Consider these questions, and feel free to add any others that come to mind:

What would make 2023 a great year for you?

What intentions do you want to set now?

What will you say “yes” to, and what will you say “no” to?

What do you want more of this year? What do you want less of?

What will you explore?

How will you invest in yourself?

How will you express yourself?

What will you create?

What new declaration are you ready to make now?

Then, choose a word to guide your new year

I have been choosing a word-of-the-year for a long time, using a short practice I have shared in the past. I am glad to share it again, as I’ve just returned to the process before embarking on 2023.

As you will see in this word-of-the-year post, that I wrote in 2018, I propose that you start by answering a short list of questions. They are similar to the longer list I shared above.

Whichever questions you use, your answers will prepare you to follow my process — and reading the examples I've shared in the post may help you consider the word that fits best for you now.

I will share my word for 2023 with you soon, and would be happy for you to share the word of the year you choose for yourself. Simply send me an email.

Until we connect next week, at the start of a fresh new year filled with wonderful possibilities, I’m sending wishes to you for abundant health, happiness, creativity and love.

Ignite the magic of light

This time of year is special. The holiday season is underway, with celebrations of Hannukka begun and Christmas coming soon, as well as other winter festivities and holidays. 

With all of the darkness these last weeks — which the Winter Solstice will bring to a turning point on the 21st — it’s comforting to know that we will be heading toward a bit more daylight each day.

It’s in this season of cold days and so much darkness that we crave light.

Houses are adorned in lights that makes for loveliness as we move about outdoors. Christmas trees twinkle in windows, and menorahs are lit with candles for eight nights. Walking through Boston, where I live, one sees glittering lights all around. They bring delight.

Why light touches us

The emotions we feel seeing so many sparkling, twinkling lights, and candle flames glowing, are scientifically proven to have calming properties.

The lights, candle flames and fires burning in fireplaces can trigger dopamine — the chemical in our brains that makes us feel good. This physiological response from our nervous system makes us feel happier, and for some, adding color to the lights enhances the response.

The beauty of light lifts our spirits and brings joy. 

How to bring more beauty into your life

All sorts of beauty touches the heart.

Perhaps you can add beauty to your day by setting a table with attention to colors.

You might plate food with sprigs of herbs, wedges of lemons, or other garnishes to add delight to the eyes and taste buds.

Adding music to the atmosphere is another sensory way to enhance beauty, as is choosing soft textures again your skin.

You may want to adorn yourself in something that makes you feel special, and give gifts to others that will bring more beauty into their lives.

We can all be the light 

The way we each live and relate to others is another way we can bring more light, and beauty, into the world.

Let’s all be aware of the opportunity we have to be that light.

To be open, loving and generous. To see the best in the people around us. To be kind, to smile and laugh.

We can each light up hearts — our own, and the hearts around us.

That’s a beautiful vision I am holding now. I hope you will join me.

Are you missing the joy of the season?

Are you able to give yourself a break?

Can you let go of expectations?

Think about the perceived expectations of others that occupy your thoughts, as well as the expectations you impose on yourself.

This is territory I know well, and at this time of year, when the world around us is in a whirl, thinking about all of those expectations, and which you may want to let go of, can be a great gift to give yourself.

What expectations are adding pressure now?  

Let’s look at work

Many business executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals are focused on year-end results. For some that includes closing as much business as possible in the last weeks of the year. For some there are projects to complete before the calendar turns.

While those expectations can be internal, they often come from bosses, investors, clients or shareholders.

For those feeling expectations like these, there is some relief in knowing that we can muscle through a few weeks and start anew in the new year.

Next, let’s think about the holidays

This season impacts people in many different ways.

Some are fully into the holiday party scene. They love decorating, hosting and gifting. Shopping for or planning great outfits, salon trips for fresh haircuts and manicures, are a joy for them.

For many, this season feels heavier.

They bristle at the expectations to be merry, look perfect, set a photo-worthy table and serve or contribute amazing food. They find expectations to give a perfect gift to everyone on a long list to be stressful — emotionally, financially, and physically. There are often a host of family expectations that weigh people down.

Most of these expectations can be a combination of external and internal.

And then there are all of the “shoulds” in our heads 

Let’s start with the expectation many have that we should feel happy at this time of year. That’s a tall order, even for those who are typically upbeat.

Maybe you feel that you should show up — for everything. Parties of all kinds, school programs, work events, neighborhood gatherings, religious services, family get-togethers, local ceremonies, cookie-swaps and more.

Maybe you feel you should — or must — shower everyone with cards and gifts. And if you think that gift or card should be fancy and expensive, or should be made by hand, that adds handsomely to the pressure.

Perhaps you feel expectations for how you should show up or should perform. This can be because you are a woman, or a minority, or the traditional host, or the person who does not align squarely with the values of others in a family or group, or any number of other reasons.

And then there’s the should of perfection — doing it all and doing it all perfectly. This is an especially heavy burden that many of us carry 365 days a year.

What if it could be different?

If the thought of any, or many of these expectations gives you a sinking feeling, I invite you to think about the power you have to let go of expectations — whether they are expectations you perceive from others, or expectations you have for yourself.

Can you imagine how it would feel to be free of them?

The first step in finding that freedom is to be aware of which expectations weigh you down, and decide that you want to make a change.

When you are clear about both the expectation(s), and have considered the source, try these steps.

1. Ask yourself if you feel deserving of your true desires — the desires that are in opposition to one or more expectations. Can you feel ok about not [fill in a blank from the expectations described above, or something I did not enumerate].

This may be easier for some than others, and I do not suggest it’s as easy as simply saying “yes” if that feels untrue.

If you feel deserving, you are on your way to dropping the pressure of the expectation.

If this idea is a challenge for you, spend some time celebrating all of your special qualities. Ask people who love you what they most admire about you. See if you can feel as deserving of yourself as you’d want someone you love to feel about themselves.

2. When you feel you deserve to do things the way you wish/if you wish, this step may take some courage, but you can state your preferences.

This is your opportunity to gently bow out of attending an event, or choose to get someone a small thoughtful gift rather than break the bank, or choose not to care if your table looks “perfect” — or like someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Start with something small to test this out, and continue to let go of expectations one by one.

3. After each effort, be sure to celebrate yourself.

Savor the space, the ease, the pleasure you get to experience.

Then focus on gratitude — for yourself, and the gift you gave yourself by letting go of an expectation you are free of.

Sending you much love for this holiday season.

Sure you feed your body. How about your soul?

Here is a pair of questions you may not have been asked before — and maybe never asked yourself:

“How do you feed your soul?” and, “Do you feed your soul?”

While I do not recall having explicitly asked myself these questions, I had an experience this past weekend that fed my soul in such a deep way that these questions showed up. I am moved to bring them to your attention.

What our bodies and hearts need

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for some time, you know I believe that living in high gear, rushing and pushing and striving, robs us of the overall wellbeing we need and deserve.

We can create space in our lives to support our bodies. We can get ample rest, make time to eat healthy food, and devote time to build strength and flexibility for physical ease.

We can honor and nurture important relationships.

And we can create space to pause, reflect, and listen to our hearts.

This last practice (which can be cultivated in a range of ways) enables us to create with intention rather than being in perpetual motion without clarity — and can save us from reacting on the fly as we rush off to attend to the next thing on a jam-packed calendar.

We can lay a foundation for living a good life by bringing all of this awareness to the front of our minds and adjusting our ways of living. For many accomplished women, it takes time and support to test and integrate these practices. (It certainly did for me.)

And, alongside the attention and commitment we can each make to bring new ways of being into our daily lives, there is a deeper level of wellbeing and expansion that’s available for us to explore.

Take a moment to consider your spirit

Whether you prefer thinking about it as your soul, or your spirit, or the deepest longings in your heart, I invite you to bring a bit of curiosity and exploration to what you desire at that level.

In the midst of a busy life, it is easy to miss those messages, or push them off to the side.

Some of us look for those messages and simply cannot find them.

Some are afraid to even look, or do not know where or how to start.

Maybe you are keenly aware of your deep desires. For many of us, stillness and patience (and often help) are needed to make those discoveries.

It is then that we can consider how to honor our deep desires.

Our souls crave nourishment

Over the years, I have seen many ways that women have lost a connection to the deep desires of their souls.

Some have set aside the joy of playing an instrument, or spending time in nature, or working with their hands, or another soul-rewarding practice — often for many years.

Some have let a meaningful part of themselves sit fallow as they pursued a career and nurtured a family.

Some, like me, lacked the belief that it was possible — not to mention feeling I could be “good enough,” — to create. (In my case it was as an artist.) We never dared to even try.

When things like this happen our souls, our spirits, our hearts are robbed of life-enhancing nourishment.

Yet it’s possible return to what we have set aside, or embark on new adventures. We can seek satisfaction as we enter and explore new terrain.

I am living proof that amazing things are possible when you allow yourself to follow the small whisper, or the shout, that you tune into.

My experience may inspire you

I took my first painting class in 2015. Yes, even with a BFA I had never painted. I had stuck to design-related classes, never daring to even enter a painting studio.

And despite my long-standing fear, and feeling that it might be a disaster to try, I knew a part of me yearned to have the experience of painting. I finally decided I would take a painting class and see what happens.

And thus an incredible journey began. It has been one of the most rewarding adventures in my life.

(You can see my paintings here.)

And recently, something new showed up for me.

A marvelous new client in my coaching program teaches writing. And she invited me to participate in a retreat she leads. This new possibility intrigued me, even as it scared me.

I love writing my weekly articles, and I loved writing my book. But this teacher focuses on “writing from the deep voice.” This is creative writing, and the idea of attending her weekend retreat with women who have been honing their crafts with her for some time, made me question if I could possibly do that.

I thought it was likely that, as a rank beginner, I’d not only embarrass myself, I might be mortified.

And yet, I said, “Yes.”

I chose to let myself be a beginner, to be taught and led and inspired. I realized that I’d only know how it would feel or what would happen if I gave it a try. Maybe it would be terrible, or uninteresting, or not a fit for me, and any of that would be fine.

This is what happened.

By saying, “Yes,” I gave a gift to my soul. My soul, that goes to deep places when I paint, loved this new experience.

I let go of self-judgement or caring what anyone else thought of my work and was fully absorbed in the process, step by step by step. One piece of writing after another, reading what I wrote and hearing others read their creations, I was palpably moved and inspired.

I discovered that there is a vast new, satisfying, exciting way to nourish my soul! I am filled with gratitude and joy.

Your soul has yearnings, too

We all have layers of desire waiting to be discovered in deep places.

With guidance and patience and practice, you can access your inner voice with more ease. And you can explore new avenues of expressing it with greater ease, too — whether or not you ever pick up a paintbrush or try your hand at creative writing.

The pace will be different for each of us. The rewards — that I have experienced, and that I been honored to usher in and witness for my clients — are always remarkable.

I invite you to take a new step towards creating a truly rewarding future today.

And I’d be delighted to hear about the deep yearnings in your soul. If you’d like to share them simply email me. (And if the writing experience sounds intriguing, I’ll be happy to introduce you to my writing teacher.)

Are you settling or choosing (the people in your life)?

During the long holiday weekend I had time to explore a topic that’s been showing up a lot.

I hope this longer-than-usual post will spark some fresh ideas for you.

With Thanksgiving behind us and looking ahead to upcoming holiday gatherings, why not think about the people with whom you spend time?

Who is in your close circle?

Most of us have a close set of relationships, and the people with whom we spend most of our time — in our immediate and extended families, in our professional settings, and with friends and neighbors — is relatively limited.

Those with whom we have regular contact are typically ongoing relationships, and new people only occasionally move into our sphere.

If you are fortunate, the people in that close sphere are supportive, positive and lovely to be with.

If you find yourself in family and/or work settings with people who do not make you feel happy, or with whom you wish there was more meaningful connection, you may long for new people in your life who are more fun to be with, more kind, or more interesting to be around.

What many of us do not consider is that we can consciously choose to be in relationship with people who inspire and light us up — to augment our great relationships, and to balance out more challenging relationships when those need to be sustained.

My path to more connections

My circle of close connections was small for many years. In my 30s and 40s, it was rare for me to make new close personal friends or meet other business people with whom I could engage at a meaningful, personal level.

There were fewer professional or networking organizations then, and very few where I found connections with the depth I was seeking.

Happily, that changed — and in ways I was not expecting.

I have had the good fortune to have connected to remarkable people beyond those in my immediate circles in the last 20 years.

And in the last 3 years the new connections have been especially exciting!

When I first joined The Boston Club (when I owned my first business), I was thrilled to meet so many smart, interesting women with whom I was able to make meaningful connections — both professionally and personally. In fact, that’s where I met some of the women I now count among my closest friends.

And in the work I’ve been doing with my coach for the last three years, I am part of a remarkable group of leaders who all do bold, exciting work in the world. They not only inspire me, they are there to support me — whether I am creating something new or dealing with something challenging.

Inspiring relationships catalyze big new ideas

The enriching relationships I now enjoy inspired me to shape two ways to provide deep connection, support, and inspiration for my clients.

In my Live Big Live! program women come together and find clarity for their vision of the near future, and then make a plan for how they will live into that vision. The impact of the shared group experience is always wonderful to witness as exciting breakthroughs are achieved.

And a number of clients opt for ongoing coaching support in a close-knit group. This helps them achieve true creative mastery in and of their lives.

In addition to wonderful ways they connect with one another virtually, I have longed to bring these women together in person for a deep immersive experience — and it was finally safe to do that this fall.

The weekend before Thanksgiving I took them on our first Creation Vacation together! At our long weekend retreat in the Berkshires we deeply explored play and creation. We shared adventures and heart-expanding conversations. (Scroll down to see a few photos of the fun.)

The weekend provided a magical way for everyone to experience being with other women who light them up, who see them in ways they cannot see themselves, who are there to celebrate with them, and also available to provide support without judgement.

Time and again I have seen that when any of the women in a close group like this experiences an “aha moment”, a breakthrough, or they share a success, everyone else feels inspired and excited to bring her gifts forward.

And when someone in the group is navigating something tricky (or going through something really tough), the others are there to offer support. The same is available in return to each when she needs it.

You can choose to be with more great people

You get to actively seek out and choose great people to bring into your life.

Ask yourself who you want to connect to.

Do you want new professional connections — in your current field or in a field you are eager to explore? Do you want to connect to leaders you can learn from, to mentors, to role models? Do you want more peer connections with people who are willing to be open, vulnerable and share serious ideas?

Perhaps you want to meet new people with whom you can pursue a favorite activity — a hobby, a passion, or a particular interest.

Maybe you yearn for new personal relationships — to have more close friends, to find a romantic partner, to support a child or adolescent on their path to maturity, or connect to someone from a different culture.

When you have that awareness it will be easier to think about where to look for those people.

The magic of meaningful connections

Once you have the joy of special new connections in your life, the impact will touch everything you do.

New ideas and enthusiasm will show up. New energy will be palpable. You may surprise yourself by taking action in ways you cannot envision today.

Will things like this happen instantly? Will everything be easy and pleasurable?

Of course not.

But you will have more new ideas, more positive experiences, and more support for everything you do.

And who knows? You may well be a catalyst to initiate another circle of connections, where others can connect in special, life-changing ways.

And, here are a few photos taken at Creation Vacation:

WE CREATED PLAYFULLY…

we went on an evening adventure…

we tackled puzzles…

and we created in the kitchen!

How to connect to your magic and light up your life

Something interesting happens when I mention the title of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life in a conversation with someone I have just met.

More often than not, people look me in the eye and say, “Oh, I'm not creative.”

I am on a mission to dispel that common belief.

I want to help people understand, and experience, that they are filled with creativity. I also want them to know how powerful their creativity is.

We all came into the world filled with creativity

Yes, creativity is in all of us. It’s a kind of magic we all possess.

When we are small, and given some crayons and paper, we do not fret at a blank page. We do not worry about what to draw. We pick up a color that appeals to us and start making marks.

When I observe my 3-year-old granddaughter as she draws, and ask what she’s drawing, she tells me incredible stories about the scenes (that look to me like excited scribbles).

Whether she is serious and focused, or laughing, she is fully engaged in expressing herself. And it is clear that she loves it.

When we, as adults, tap that creative energy — or expand and accelerate it, for those who do feel creative — we give ourselves a huge gift. We connect to the magic inside.

Creating is not just for “special people”

The opportunities to create are vast.

While many feel intimidated because they think they are not “talented”, I’m here to bust that myth. You do not need to be a virtuoso musician, a great actor, a brilliant writer, or a gifted dancer to create!

All forms of self-expression are terrific.

Do you love to putter in a garden or build in a workshop? Do you like to cook or make things with your hands? Are you a visionary thinker, or love embarking on adventures to explore in nature? Do you like to play with paint or clay?

Any and all of these ways of creating are fantastic.

What happens when you create

When you create in any way with a feeling of curiosity and freedom, when you are able to to play and be surprised, you connect to your desire and something incredible happens.

Your spirit opens.

You get out of your head (where most of us spend most of our time) and connect to your heart and your intuition.

And you make discoveries.

The discovery may be about new ways to produce a result that pleases you. Or you may discover that something you thought you’d enjoy was not that great, and move on to new ways to explore.

The most important discovery?

Connecting to new parts of yourself and experiencing more of who you are.

And when that happens, your expanded, lit-up spirit can show up in other parts of your life.

I witness this phenomenon all the time with my clients. They show up differently at work, and great things happen. They navigate relationships with more insight and less reactivity. They look and feel alive in remarkable ways!

I rejoice with them as they open to and share more and more of their greatness.

You can start today

I invite you to do one thing (or one new thing) today to express yourself.

It may be simple and you may do it for a mere few minutes, but choose one thing and go for it.

Maybe you will share it, or you may choose to have a private experience. Maybe it will be exciting, or comfortable, or perhaps it will feel awkward.

In any case, take a moment to think about how it felt to create.

Consider how it felt to experiment with new flavors rather than following a recipe. Or put a small arrangement of objects on a shelf in a pleasing way. Or pull out an instrument you haven’t played in ages, and your response to the sounds you made.

Then commit to creating in some way again tomorrow.

In time, you will not have to plan to create. You will find your creative spirit showing up all over the place!

The more that you create in these ways, the more you will come to understand the power of creativity to support you to show up fully. In time, this expansive magical feeling can be a regular part of your daily experience.

And it is a game-changer to show up fully in the world.

Do it for yourself, and do it for all of us. We need the gifts, the fully expressed genius, that only you can contribute.

Imagine the impact we will have when we all live big.

(I would be delighted for you to share the ways you love to create, and new ways you bring creativity into your life. And please share the impact it has for you. Leave a comment or email me.)

If you’re a hard worker, this is for you

The accomplished women (and men) I speak to nearly always believe they need to work hard.

They believe they must push themselves relentlessly to achieve their goals, to meet the expectations of others (and themselves, too, in many cases), to achieve status, authority and recognition.

Our culture, and the work cultures in which many of us find ourselves, emphasize, celebrate and even glorify hard work.

For most of my life, I believed I needed to work hard — and I did. I also believed that things had to be hard to do.

Doing things that were “hard” seemed to ensure the outcome would be meaningful. Doing those “hard” things also made me feel that I was good enough.

It’s time to bust the myth

I am on a mission to help people everywhere to live big — to live their best lives, to take action with clear intention, to bring all of their greatness forward, and do it without sacrificing their physical wellbeing, their energy or their spirits.

If you want to create a truly fulfilling life where you fully shine, and do it without sacrifice, a great place to focus is on shifting your thinking about how hard it all has to be.

It took me decades to come to new, clear insights, after testing and living and working in new ways.

My hope is that we can all shift away from believing the myth about things needing to be hard.

“It has to be hard” or “It can be easy”?

Then:

I smirked at the ideas that things could be easy!

I not only believed I had to work hard, I believed that most of my important tasks were going to be hard to see through to completion.

When the time frames were tight, or the tasks were daunting, or the scope was intimidating, I told myself how hard it was going to be.

I gritted my teeth and pushed myself.

And, sure enough, it nearly always felt hard. I exhausted myself with all of that pushing.

Now:

I have tested and experienced and benefited from major re-frames to my old habituated thinking.

I have also learned to give myself some grace, and slow down.

My first coach insisted that if I slowed down I would get more done, which I resisted for a very long time. And, when I finally tested it, I found that he was right!

This is the new approach I have learned to use.

• I am selective and clear about the tasks that really matter, and let go of, defer, or delegate the rest.

• I think carefully about the deadlines I create and commit to.

• With fewer things to do I am focused rather than feeling splattered.

• No matter how challenging a project appears to be, if I find myself thinking "It’s going to be hard," I consciously change the message in my head to, “What if it can be easy?”

• I also tell myself, “There’s an abundance of time to do this.”

• And, I make sure I am well rested as I start on the work. This helps me to be focused and clear.

I honor myself with these new practices.

I savor the opportunity to choose what I will do with care. (Yes, that means saying “no” to many things that sound enticing, which takes practice.)

When I do not push, I experience far less stress and do not exhaust myself. I enjoy more energy and I nurture my spirit when I live and work this way.

And the cherry on top is that I am able to get better work done — on time, and often in less time.

All of these results have been life-changing for me.

New practices take time to build

If you read my post from last week, about slowing down, you know that making changes like these is not a one-and-done effort.

I sometimes slide back and need to return to the fundamentals. I get focused and reinforce good practices in order to build stronger habits, time and again. This is true for most people.

It’s when when we build awareness, try and test, and keep returning to new and better ways of thinking and living, that we experience true growth — as well as more ease and joy.

My wonderful coaches, mentors and teachers, past and present, have imparted their wisdom, support and love to help me learn and expand in tremendous ways. I am filled with gratitude for all of them.

I am also grateful for the wonderful support I receive from the people doing the work alongside me, in a fabulous mastermind I am part of.

And I am inspired by the courageous work my clients are doing in their lives, and honored to support them to step into all of their greatness.

What about you?

I invite you to step up and engage in new ways of thinking and try new practices that can help you to live your most fulfilling life.

See if you find that the ideas I share today have impact for you.

And if you want to talk about what your challenges are and the dreams you have for the future, I'd be happy to hear about them. I set aside time each week for a few conversations like this. (And if you are curious, you can ask what support can look like in your life.)

Email me and we’ll make a date.

What can happen when you slow down and make a small change

Last week I had the pleasure and honor of being the closing keynote speaker at a conference in Virginia. This was only the second time I’ve spoken in-person to a large audience since the start of the pandemic, and the energy of being with people was terrific.

This audience, like most I speak to, was filled with senior professionals who lead busy lives. They have tremendous responsibilities to lead their organizations and face an array of challenges each day.

My message was focused on how they can lead their biggest, best lives — to bring all of their greatness into the world — and do it without sacrificing their wellbeing.

The first thing I focused on was slowing down.

I talked about being more, instead of so much frantic doing. I urged them to give themselves space and grace. I advocated for focusing on what they each need more of in their lives to feel and be their best.

We are not machines

Many of us are so accustomed to living at a hectic pace that we fail to realize the consequences of the daily grind on our physical wellbeing, our energy and our spirits — all of which are precious, and none of which is in endless supply.

Even machines, with on- and off-switches, need power to run smoothly and regular maintenance, too.

Many of us treat ourselves like machines, without regard for the fuel we need, our routine maintenance requirements, or considering how long we can be “on” before we wear out our gears.

What can be done

We can each pause to consider what changes — even small changes — will improve our daily wellbeing.

It’s time to honor ourselves and ask the question, “What do I need more of to nurture my spirit and honor my body?”

Maybe you will realize you are skimping on sleep. Or not eating as well as you want to, so you have ample time to savor and digest healthy meals. Or you may crave more time for quiet in your life. Or there may be a special interest you enjoy, or a relationship you want to nurture, but you have not created space to make it a focus.

When you start by identifying what will nurture your spirit and honor your body, and then choose one thing to consciously introduce to make it happen, you are sure to experience an improvement in your daily wellbeing.

The changes I am making now

Having been in “high gear” for too long, I am clear that this is the time for me to slow down. (This is a lesson I return to time and again!)

I am focused on thinking about what I am saying, “Yes” to. I leave more “white space” in my calendar.

I am using my own tips for “multiplying time” that I share in my keynotes, and I am setting clear boundaries (another point I teach and that I continue to bring into my own life with renewed awareness).

Having implemented a few small changes, I am glad to say I created space to spend a few hours in my studio this past weekend.

Painting is something I truly love, and have often sacrificed when I have allowed myself to be over-scheduled. I meet myself in a special way when I paint, and I was reminded of the lovely “spillover” effects it has on my happiness and wellbeing.

What are you ready to change?

The power of making just one or two small changes can be remarkable.

What can you identify today, that will be easy to implement right away?

Will you commit to taking a daily walk to breathe fresh air for 15 minutes?

Will you say, “No,” to someone who asks you to help out with something that will exhaust you, and do it with grace and kindness?

Will you get to bed a little earlier so you can wake up more refreshed tomorrow morning — and every morning?

I invite you to choose at least one small change to bring into your life today, that will support you to feel and be your best.

Ask better questions to find your best answers

I am often in conversations when the person with whom I am speaking is feeling stressed, confused, unsure, or overwhelmed.

Often, as they are consumed about resolving a challenge, I see that their focus is misplaced.

They are often looking for an answer to a question that starts with,
“How can I…?”

This question rarely leads to the insights and solutions they are eager to find.

“How can I…” is often followed by something like:

“…enroll more people in a program I love leading and want to expand?”
“…make a change in my overwhelming work that will continue to provide ample income?”
“…be more productive — because there is so much daily pressure at work and at home?”

When people share the way they are thinking, I observe that they are often getting tangled in negative and confusing thoughts, as they bypass an exploration of the essence of the issue.

Finding that clarity is what calms the mind and leads them to their best answers.

Ask better questions to bypass doubt and find your path forward

The benefit of starting with a different set of questions is that you can more clearly — and more hopefully — find a path that is fruitful.

There is no one “best” or ”right” question to ask.

These examples may be helpful illustrations for you to consider, when you are feeling called to find a good approach to resolve something that's on your mind.

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Story #1
A woman wants to fill more seats for a program she loves to lead

When we started to talk she was focused on how to market better.

Maybe post more on social media? What platforms? Send more emails?

As she proposed these ideas, she was sad and doubtful. She questioned whether there were enough people who would want to enroll. She knew she was not pricing the program high enough, but she feared raising the fee.

Her energy was dragged down by scarcity, fear, doubt and deep sadness.

I asked her about the clients she had enrolled in the past. Who were they? What had attracted them to enroll in her work? And — most important — what were the outcomes for them?

I asked for stories. And out they poured! She described powerful, exciting, life-changing outcomes.

And as we looked closely at the stories she saw common threads — dots that she had never connected before.

By the end of our conversation she was excited to have clarity about how she will write about her program, and to whom she will direct her messages.

Now marketing feels exciting, because she has embraced the value of what she is inviting people to explore when they work with her.

Most of all, she is starting to believe that this can grow to be her primary professional focus, which she has been longing for.

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Story #2
A woman wants to revamp a thriving business that is personally unsustainable

When we started to talk, she felt overwhelmed by the current challenges and how to move past them. There are physical health risks to continuing to run the business she has built, and it is also taking an emotional toll.

Maybe scale back her team and overhead? Bring in more contractors? How would she manage all of that? What would the consequences be if she made some or all of those changes?

Or, maybe switch gears in a bigger way? To doing what? And how could she do that and sustain her financial well-being?

As these questions poured out, I saw and felt palpable stress and fear.

I asked her to tell me what she loved most about the work now — the kinds of clients, the kinds of engagements. What lit her up? And what brought her energy and well-being down? I also asked who on her team supported her to come up with great day-to-day approaches and deliver the best experience for her clients. Could that person's role expand or be adjusted?

As we explored the answers that showed up, I saw excitement about several great options that could be pursued. We talked about meaningful ways to expand the inquiry — bringing curiosity and an open mind as she moves ahead.

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Story #3
A woman who yearns to be more productive

When we started to talk, she described being swamped and could not see how to do less. Her business is thriving and feels like an engine that is driving her. How could she do less? How could she also manage the demands of an aging parent at home along with other family responsibilities?

She tried delegating and doing things to be more healthy, but they were not enough. How could she turn things around?

I asked her to describe how it felt to delegate tasks — at the office and at home. It turns out that was a tough thing for her to do. She felt she did things best herself. She felt responsible for doing many tasks, and doing them they way everyone expected her to do them (for example, cook a fresh meal for her family every night, after a long exhausting work day).

I asked her to describe what it would feel like to have more time for herself. It turns out that having time for herself was such a distant memory she could not envision doing less. And she admitted to not feeling worthy of having more time for herself. She was also concerned about the judgements of others if they might see her as “slacking off.”

When we got to the emotional heart of these questions, she was able to breathe deeply and clearly see the ways her mindset and beliefs (including demands and expectations she held for herself) were the place to begin.

Specific changes became easy to implement once she felt supported to adopt the belief that she deserves to have space to nurture her wellbeing.

Consider the questions you ask yourself

Are your questions shedding light on the factors that will lead you to the most revelatory insights?

Consider asking questions that will give you both meaningful information and positive energy from which you can continue to move forward.

All of the women in the stories above are now on a path to deriving more joy and satisfaction in their lives and work.

What questions can you ask yourself that will lead to the joy and satisfaction you desire?

Are you committed to living your best life?

Last week I spent a day in deep thought about the way I lived in the past year, and considering how I intend to live in the coming year.

Yom Kippur (the second of the Jewish high holy days) is a sober day, but it is also one that always inspires me to consider what I am committing to now.

It’s relatively easy to devote one day to such thoughts and the commitments they entail (even while a day of fasting is challenging and tiring).

But what will all of those thoughts become a week from now?

What about six months from now, and a year from now?

The reality we create reflects our commitments

How will I look back and assess the year when October 2023 rolls around?

This is a truly sobering question.

It requires that I focus on changes to make.

It means clearly choosing paths, as I commit to staying on some I’ve been on, moving away from others, and seeking new directions.

It means considering how I want to show up in my life.

What ways of acting and thinking will I aim to sustain, and what do I feel called to change?

What do I feel excited to create?

The life I reflect back on a year from now will demonstrate my commitment to the actions required to make my intentions a reality.

Commitment = action and sustained dedication

I do not make commitments lightly. I know that they require meaningful, sustained effort.

Making a commitment means not only deciding what I intend to do, but actually taking action — and continuing to take consistent action.

For example, if I commit to developing a new habit, I need to practice it. I can start with introducing small changes. And I know the key is to stick with them and expand on them until the desired state becomes my new normal.

Some habits can shift quickly. I am also aware that many habit changes require longer commitment, and a willingness to resume the focus when the inevitable setbacks interrupt progress.

Another example is choosing how to focus my time and attention. I am considering some activities to let go of — to make space for things I have neglected, or for things I’ve thought about but never started, or for new things that intrigue me now.

By clearly choosing and committing, and staying mindfully in action, I know I can make progress.

It may not be “perfect” every step of the way, and that’s ok.

I will get help when needed. I have tools to turn to when I am unsure of my next steps or veer off-course and need to recommit. I know I can always create new ways forward.

The vision I set will support me to stay on track.

What changes do you want to make?

What changes will make a difference in your wellbeing — physical, emotional, and spiritual?

What do you want to change to make a relationship stronger?

What do you want to start that is calling you? (And will you stop doing something to make space for it?)

In what ways do you yearn to expand — to show up in a bigger way, more authentically, less fearfully, and with more love?

What are you called to do or create that will make the world better? Are there actions you want to take in support of issues that deeply matter to you?

Do not underestimate your ability to impact the world.

When we all show up as our best selves, and commit to taking consistent, courageous action that is aligned with our values and our hearts, our efforts have ripple effect that are world-changing, even as they are life-changing for us.

What transformation looks like in real time

Can you recall witnessing magic? Not a magician performing elegant tricks — actual magic. I had that experience last week.

I witnessed the magic of seeing lives transforming in front of me over three days.

There was no sleight of hand — this was true transformation.

The transformation was powered by deep personal exploration and creative expression. Love and trust provided the engine.

All of this happened at the Fall Live Big Live! retreat that I was honored to lead. I want to share this experience, because the event offers insights for all of us.

Transformation requires the right conditions

We did not show up on Day 1 of the retreat and dive right in. The women in the program had a foundation of preparation over a number of weeks, that primed them to make personal discoveries and thus be prepared for the processes they would move through at the retreat.

They had support and guidance along the way. Most of all there was an abundance of love and trust and generosity in this group, as everyone progressed to make her own discoveries and declarations.

The remarkable women who embarked on our journey were willing to show up in the preparation period, and then devote three days to go deep together. Some traveled to be there. Some arranged and rearranged their schedules to make it happen.

They arrived prepared to define a clear vision for what matters to them in the next part of their lives.

This is what mattered for these women

What matters most for one woman entails showing up fully and openly, with confidence in what she has to say and with belief in her potential to influence direction within her organization.

For another it means launching a new business — fleshing out the offering and stepping into making it a reality.

For one it means getting clear on her priorities and what to focus on and pursue in a portfolio of varied work arenas.

For one it means getting support and focusing in on the best way to manage a successful career and business that is fraught with stress, so she can keep clear of sacrificing her happiness and physical wellbeing.

For all it entails putting themselves at the center of the equation, as they focus on relationships, their health and wellbeing, and honoring their spirits.

Each woman looked with a sharp eye at the challenges she grapples with. Each dove into how to keep from being tripped up by limiting stories and beliefs. Each now has true belief in what is possible, and that belief is built on a solid foundation of self-love.

And they each committed to defining the specific ways they will live in the next 90 days to make their visions a reality.

They left the retreat with a plan and a full heart ready to live into the plan.

Transformation is not magic

Just as a caterpillar does not magically become a butterfly, the transformations I witnessed did not happen with a wave of a magic wand.

Caterpillar actually develop a chrysalis — a shell inside of which each caterpillar dissolves into a liquid mass. That is the material from which they start to construct each body part of the eventual butterfly they will become in the process of metamorphosis.

When ready, the formed butterfly cracks through the shell of the chrysalis to unfurl its wings and fly.

The women at the Live Big Live! retreat went through a stage of breaking down the old parts of themselves they no longer want and need.

They focused on the attributes they want to carry forward and amplify, and the aspirations they claim.

They committed to a vision of the women they each want to become, and what that will mean for each of them. I witnessed them feeling ready to soar!

The process felt magical — to them, and to me as I saw it unfold — even as the process was based on a carefully constructed methodology.

In their own words

Here are a few remarks that were made at the end of the retreat.

“You helped me work through so much. It was such a joy to be the recipient of what you created.”

“I needed the encouragement you gave me! I felt loved by you and the entire group.”

“Your quiet and powerful leadership, that came from a place of relaxed, deeply felt love, pulled me through my stress to a place of focus and clarity.”

”How special to be in a room full of wonderfully powerful leaders.”

Scroll down to see some of the final creative pieces that express the insights of the retreat experience for these women. (The collages were made on the last afternoon of the retreat.)

Questions to ask yourself now

What do you want, that will make the next part of your life truly fulfilling? Maybe an answer will pop quickly to mind. Maybe you are unsure about what you truly desire.

What limits you? Do you lack confidence? Are you afraid to be fully and authentically yourself? Maybe you have a vision that is smaller than what you truly yearn for.

I invite you to honor yourself and tap the desire in your heart. Or, if that desire feels elusive, to take steps to discover it.

Most of all, I invite you to feel deserving of your best possible life.

And if you may want a guide to help you make a faster and easier transformation, I would be glad to explore these questions with you.

We can talk, and if the next Live Big Live! program might be a fit for you, we can explore that together.

Got momentum?

Sometimes things feel like they are flowing easily (maybe even effortlessly). Maybe you are experiencing delightful flow in your life, or as you work on a project, or as you generate new ideas.

And starting or advancing some things may feel sluggish, or you may feel stuck. Frustration, doubt and even fear can show up, which only leads to more difficulty when you want to move ahead.

The key to getting into flow — and sustaining flow — is momentum.

The magic of momentum

Before we look at how amazing momentum can be in your life, let’s get clear about what it really is.

Understanding momentum

I don’t know about my readers who are scientists and more left-brained than I am, but I expect I’m not alone in recollecting that high school physics was not a favorite subject.

Yet physics has a lot to offer us outside the lab, and momentum is a great and useful concept that can support us to live our best lives.

Momentum is defined as the amount of motion occurring in something that is moving, or the force that drives something forward to keep it moving.

While you can think about how quickly a car moves down a hill (which is likely to have been discussed in your physics classes), consider the concept of momentum in terms of the energy you bring to everything you do.

Who does not want to have more momentum to make things move forward with ease?

My guess is that we all want momentum, and lots of it.

How to build momentum — whether you feel stuck or sluggish

When you yearn for flow, the key to getting momentum underway is to be in motion.

Getting back to my memories of physics class: If there is no velocity there can not be momentum.

Now this is where things get subtle. Velocity means rapid motion, speed. And that's a great thing to aim for.

But to get from not being in motion (stuck) to building momentum, you need to begin moving.

And for those times when you are in motion but feel like you are far from flow, you want to be able to get more movement underway to build momentum.

How? Inspiration can give you the boost you desire.

How to get inspired

To generate inspiration when you want to get started or ward off sluggishness — whether you want to create new habits for a life that is not overwrought; or want to enhance your health by eating more fresh foods and getting more active; or you want to launch a new initiative in your work — ask yourself why this matters to you.

Having a strong WHY is a key way to get and stay inspired.

To get clear about your WHY, do some writing about it. Dig into all the reasons this thing matters to you. Make a list of what you bring to light, and keep that list handy for times when you need a boost to sustain your inspiration.

And then take action.

Whether you start with small steps (which is fine!) or you choose to take some bigger action steps at first, you’ll begin to be in motion or accelerate the pace you had before!

How to keep momentum growing

Hooray! You are in action. Or you have propelled yourself into feeling more energized, inspired and taking more action.

Getting into motion is crucial, but it’s easy to slack off without some strategies to help you.

This is the time to build velocity, so your momentum can not only be sustained, but grow for the duration of the project at hand.

Here are some things to keep in mind that will help you:

1. Stay focused and positive.
   Keep your attention on what you are aiming for and why it is important to you. Surround yourself with positive people. Don’t get discouraged when you hit a snag (after all, setbacks are inevitable). Positive energy helps you build and sustain momentum!

2. Be flexible.
   As you review your progress, be open to new approaches, new ideas, and make smart adjustments to the original plan you had in mind. Consider inviting others to help and support you, too. Maybe you will ask someone to be an accountability partner.

3. Celebrate yourself.
   Take note of each small success and acknowledge yourself for staying committed and building momentum. This practice goes a long way to keeping you moving ahead.

The more momentum you build the better everything gets

Positive energy you bring to one thing is certain to spread more generally. That’s how building momentum in one area of your life will impact all of your life.

The potential to build momentum is available to all of us, and is truly exciting.

Where can you focus on building momentum today?

Start where you are now and see what happens.

How choosy are you?

Have you given thought to the people with whom you spend time? Do they add light to your life, or do they bring negativity?

While some of the people in your life do not reflect choices you’ve made, and are not changeable, many of the people in your orbit are there because you chose to include them.

Why it’s important to choose with care

When you are thoughtful about the people with whom you engage, you can surround yourself with those who bring qualities into your life that you desire and value.

People who have a positive outlook, who are kind, who inspire you, who are collaborative, who are generous, whose humor delights you, impact your life in great ways.

If you pause and realize there are people in your life that drain you, you have an opportunity to make new choices.

The cost of tolerating people who add stress

Maybe you are aware of people who drain your energy, that you have been tolerating — for any number of reasons.

The toll that takes can be obvious, or (as is often the case) can be easy to miss. 

When you tolerate being in the company of people who are a drag on your energy, small annoyances and irritations often seem normal. While it’s easy to get used to them when you frequently “swim in those waters,” the ongoing irritation diminishes your wellbeing.

And in some cases, you may be well aware of people whose behaviors and energy pull your energy down.

With awareness you can set new standards and create distance from those people. 

How to create distance when you need to

Many of us find ourselves wanting to make a change, but the thought of making the change can feel daunting.

When you have clarity about your standards and have made new decisions about people with whom you want to have less contact, or no contact, consider these two approaches:

1. Create new boundaries 

If you cannot end your relationship with someone, you can decide to set terms and conditions that will better serve you.

For instance, you can shift from daily texts to a weekly check-in.

Another approach that’s available to you is to make it clear that you’ll be happy to communicate if you both can agree to use language and tone that are respectful. (This can be an add-on to planning for less frequent contact.)

2. Phase out the relationship

When there is a person who drains you, and with whom you have no obligation to stay in contact, you can take steps to end the relationship. And you can do it with kindness.

Whether you choose to gradually phase out the connection, or end it in one step, plan for a conversation in which you communicate with clarity. Focus on the importance of this decision to you, and how you want to show up in the conversation.

There will be a temptation to apologize and be defensive. Instead, I invite you to calmly share that you now have new commitments, or some other change of circumstances, and that you will be in less frequent contact/will not continue the relationship.

Do not make accusations. And remember that you do not need to explain yourself. These are common traps to avoid. You are communicating a decision you are making for yourself.

Naturally, depending on the duration and nature of the connection with the person, you may modify these sound, proven approaches.

Bear in mind that your highest priority is to ensure your wellbeing.

New opportunities will open up

When you minimize or remove people who are a drag on your wellbeing, and surround yourself with people who lift you up, you will notice that you feel lighter and more inspired. And you are likely to feel happier.

In fact, you may feel a palpable sense of positive energy, to both share and nurture, the more that you spend time with people who light you up. 

You will be seen by them in your highest light and you will have their support. In turn, you will see all that’s possible for them and relish supporting them.

And when you and the people you choose to connect with are focused together on your journeys, you and they realize great outcomes faster.

In this way, “all boats rise” higher, and with more ease. 

The outcomes can be life-changing

I witness this powerful phenomenon frequently. 

I am surrounded by fantastic colleagues in a master-mind program that offers me these experiences. It is so exciting to receive this kind of support and to provide it.

And I witness it in the women I coach. 

The power of a wonderful group to be in the work together, inspiring one another, celebrating each other, holding each other in the highest light, and being there for others when someone hits a set-back, is incredibly special.

In fact, last week, one woman in my coaching program shared that when having to speak to the media in a moment of tremendous stress and pressure, she found herself calm and able to stay the course in a way that she had not been able to do in the past. She said how much she appreciated being in the work alongside the others, and that watching other great women navigate difficult things had helped her enormously. 

I invite you to carefully choose the people with whom to engage. You deserve to be loved and fully supported.