Healthy ways to process and release anger

When I wrote about fear last week, there was a big response to the ideas I shared about ways to move ahead when that emotion shows up. (If you missed it, you can check it out here.)

Much like fear, anger can grip any of us from time to time, and can be short-lived or sustained.

Anger is normal, and it’s important to feel and respect it in order to deal with it.

And, it’s important to address it, because anger can be destructive, leading to resentment and ongoing suffering.

The grip of anger 

When anger sets in, it’s hard to think clearly, or stand in your power, or show up in ways that are best for you.

Anger rarely just melts away. When it festers it is like a poison in your system. 

You may not even be aware of the cause. You may feel concerned about what your best course of action can be.

And so, it’s common to hold on to anger. And letting anger fester is not in your best interest.

How to process and release anger

Step one, when you feel angry, is to take a deep breath and tune in to what you are experiencing. You also want to identify the underlying cause that has brought on your reaction.

Sometimes you feel quietly angry, sometimes quite furious.

Sometimes you know why you are angry, but you may sometimes not be so sure.

If you feel upset and cannot pinpoint what is bothering you, it’s important to first get clear. From there, you can employ effective ways to move ahead more positively. 

Pinpoint the what and why

Here are two ways to gain clarity about just what is bothering you. 

Make it visual

Pull out paper and crayons. (If you don’t have any around, you can get them in the school-supply section of your nearby drug store).

Simply draw what the anger feels like. Add words if you like, Use the colors that show how you feel. Make marks and images that show the emotion.

Make it as ugly or intense as the anger you feel.

Use the Discovery Dozen™

You may already know how to use the Discovery Dozen™ exercise, that’s a key tool I work with and is included in my book.

If you don't know how the Discovery Dozen works, you can download a quick guide to using it.

You could start with this fill-in-the-blank sentence:

“Right now I feel angry/furious/enraged because…”

Quickly add an ending to that sentence root, and keep doing that 12 times, for 12 different full sentences. Then look over what shows up.

Next you have an opportunity to drill down deeper, and do another Discovery Dozen. Try it.

You can choose from your answers in the first list of completed sentences and use this structure for a new Discovery Dozen:

“The thing that makes me angriest about [the thing you picked from your first round of sentence endings] is…”

You may want to use this second Discovery Dozen over again, selecting a different response from your first list of sentences. When you write quickly, insights that were not top-of-mind are likely to show up.

By using both the visual and written methods, you will likely have new awareness.

And the acts of creating in these ways may help you begin to feel better, too.

Release anger and free your spirit

When you are angry and you know what the cause is, it may feel frightening.

You may feel afraid to express it.

You may try to push it aside, or stuff it down.

Doing that rarely works for long, and can build the intensity of your anger. When that happens, anger may burst out and cause a new round of emotional distress.

There are safe ways to release the emotional intensity of anger, so that you can take a thoughtful approach and move forward.

Here are some options to consider:

Try physically moving the angry energy

• Pull out a pillow and beat it (against a bed, or any surface that will not be harmed). Shout as you do it. Repeat for as long as you need, to feel that you have drained the pent up negative energy.

• Write furiously — vent it all on paper.

• Go for a run, or do an intense workout.

Talk to a trusted friend, coach or advisor

It’s easy for intense emotions like anger to highjack your thoughts, where they loop endlessly.

When you turn to someone who can listen and support you to think calmly, you can more easily find clarity. They may be able to help you identify aspects you did not see on your own, gain perspective, and help you plan for what you can or want to do next.

You may want to follow these steps with mediation or yoga, to support you to think clearly about a conversation to have or an action to take that can address the situation that brought the anger on.

Being on the other side of anger

Having attended to your anger you will be able to create a positive path forward.

Whether that is having a meaningful and constructive conversation, initiating a new way of interacting with someone, feeling clearer about your feelings and reactions, being able to forgive someone, or feeling able to release the anger completely, you will have new tools available for the next occasion when anger appears.

5 Techniques to move through fear

Fear is a universal experience. So are tough emotions such as anger, worry and desperation.

These powerful forces challenges all of us.

Today, let’s look at fear and how to move through and past it. (Stay tuned for emails about other difficult emotions, that will follow soon.)

We all feel fear!

Sometimes that fear is related to something that puts us, or someone we care about, in mortal danger. More often we are afraid of things that are not actually dangerous.

Because our lizard brains were wired in ancient times, when mortal danger was frequently a risk, we instinctively find ourselves experiencing fear.

Happily, we have far less danger in the modern world, and there are a number of good ways to end that suffering no matter the cause.

Common advice falls short

I have heard well-meaning people advise that you can tell yourself that fear is not real, and that doing that will make the fear go away.

But when you are afraid, you are responding to something that feels very real to you. In my experience, and observing others, being told that fear is not real, so just let it go, is not helpful.

What to do instead

Of course, fear can have a different degree of hold on you at different times, and depending on what brought it on.

Sometimes a small shift in thinking and perspective can work wonders, or employing a new way of responding can do the trick.

Try some or all of these techniques and see what works for you.

1. The power of hope

No matter what the fear relates to, bringing hopefulness to mind can make you feel much better. 

Hope is powerful. It helps reduce the anxiety that can accompany fear. As you focus on hope and more positive thoughts appear, the fear that gripped you will begin to recede.

2. The power of love

It may surprise you to learn that another great antidote to fear is love. Actively bringing a focus to love — for yourself, for someone else (even the person you feel anger toward), for the world — produces chemicals in the brain that reduce fearful thinking. 

Then, whatever made you feel afraid can be considered with a calmer, clearer and more hopeful frame of mind.

3. The power of awareness

The fear you feel may be sending you a signal — that you have a desire to try something new (like a physical challenge) or go for something different (like an exciting new job) — and that your fear is there to help you resist giving it a try.

The fear may be trying to protect you from the possibility of failing, or embarrassment. 

The truth is, you will never know if you can or will succeed (right off the bat or after several restarts), until you try. 

And if this kind of fears shows up, remind yourself that it does not entail mortal danger.

4. The power of choice

The truth is that in any situation, we can choose a new way of thinking and a new way of responding.

We can choose to bring a new perspective to the matter. We can choose to look at our circumstance through a new lens.

We can also choose to trust — ourselves and our creative thinking, and particular people who can support us. 

When you hold the awareness in your mind of all the choices you can employ, and practice using those choices, you can cope with things that have felt really hard in the past.

5. The power of gratitude

The science is clear. When you focus on gratitude, levels of the stress hormone cortisol get lower. This works to block toxic emotions of many kinds. 

Neurological studies show that your brain cannot be in a state of appreciation and fear at the same time. When you focus on what you have and what is good, and not on what you lack or fear, the fearful feelings fall away.

Email me to share the approach, or approaches that work best for you.

Start your day right

How do you start your days? Most of us have a usual morning pattern.

Some hop out of bed, wash and dress, turn on the news, grab coffee with breakfast, and rush into the day.

Others hit the snooze button first. Some sit down for a leisurely breakfast.

What most people skip — that I skipped for decades — is a morning practice that sets you up for your best day.

Try a new way to start the day

When I worked with my first coach, I was urged to meditate every day. I resisted. I dabbled at it. It was a struggle for quite a while!

I would randomly take a break at my desk, put a timer on for 5 minutes, and try to quiet my mind until the chime sounded.

In time it got easier. I sat for longer times. I started to like it, but I did not love the part about pausing in the midst of my workday to do it.

I skipped it on many days, and sometimes did not return to meditating for weeks or months.

Over time I realized that timing was part of the problem. I changed to meditating first thing in the morning. That worked better for me.

And, in time, I added some new elements to the meditation.

I created a morning practice — and it’s had a significant impact on my life. 

As I’ve experimented, I have found a mix that I love.

You may want to try it, too.

A menu to pick from to create your best day 

My current practice starts with 5 to 10 minutes doing each of these 4 things:

• free writing

• meditating

• visualizing how I will show up for the things I will do in the day

• moving my body

And there’s more.

Rather than listen to or watch news, which used to add stress to my mornings, I select music I’m in the mood for each morning.

The music also helps me start to move. I often dance in my bedroom, or do some yoga poses. I usually add in a bit of free-weight action to build strength.

When I do sit down at my desk, I add one more important component.

I pull a card from one or two oracle decks that I love. I keep a journal and do some writing about the message(s) they bring me. This part of my practice helps me focus in how I will show up for everything in my day.

Your elements might be different!

You might include prayer, reading, saying affirmations, singing, getting outdoors, playing an instrument, or drawing.

The order you choose for your elements is up to you.

And you might choose to practice at a another time of day.

The key is to make a practice of the routine that most appeals to you and most supports you.

How having a daily practice works

Having a regular practice with elements like those described above helps you to connect to your heart.

A morning practice orients you to your day in a positive way.

It activates your body, your mind and your spirit.

Your practice will become a ritual.

And rituals are powerful.

Rituals can help you move through challenges, create new habits, create deeper self-awareness, feel more grounded, and feel more motivated.

And a daily ritual like this is a wonderful way to practice self-love. The more you love and believe in yourself, the more easily you can create what you truly want in your life.

I would love for you to share a daily practice if you have one you love — or feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

Email me to get in touch.

Techniques for vibrant living

Maybe you saw the eclipse — or just heard about it before, during and after it happened. Some were lucky and saw it, many having made a long trip to a prime location.

Others had little interest in making an effort to travel, or even get special glasses to use at their front door.

In a coaching conversation today, a client remarked that what interested her the most was the energy of the cosmic event, more than what she saw. (It’s worth noting that at her location there was only 93% coverage.)

I loved that part of our conversation, because I believe that when we tune in to the energy of any event, any conversation, and most of all, the energy we feel and generate, we can be enriched.

Consider these great ways to access and build positive energy.

Connect to the energy inside you

Your body is so much more than flesh and bones. You are filled with, made up of, tremendous energy! 

When you build awareness of the energy you feel, you can use it in meaningful ways.

When you feel great, ride that energy!

When you feel wonderful — happy, excited, enthusiastic, playful — tap in fully to that energy and make the most of it!

Pause to consider all the ways you can leverage that energy to generate ideas and take actions.

And find ways to enjoy whatever you may need to do that is not so appealing, when you use that fertile energetic spirit to fuel you.

When you are feeling flat or low, you can build new energy.

We all find ourselves feeling dull, sad, or stressed from time to time. Here are some steps that can help you to shift your energy upward:

1. Take stock of what you are feeling.

Sometimes you know you feel angry, or frustrated or irritated. At other times, identifying just what you are feeling can be less clear. And often it’s not obvious why you feel a particular unpleasant emotion.

Getting clear is a key first step.

You can use my Discovery Dozen™ tool to explore and to find clarity.

Start by writing this fill-in-the-blank sentence at the top of a page:
Right now I feel… because…

Complete the 2 blanks portions of that sentence 12 times, for 12 complete sentences. Write as quickly as you can, and see what shows up.

Be sure to write anything that comes to mind and complete all 12 sentences!

When you read your sentences, it’s likely that you will be able to pinpoint what it is you are feeling, and feel clearer about what is bothering you.

2. Move those feelings through you and out! 

When you give the unwanted emotion an outlet, you can release the hold it has on you.

How?

Try screaming into a pillow. Or beating a pillow hard. Or journaling all the thoughts you have about the matter until you have exhausted yourself. Or dance it out. Or draw what the ugly emotion looks like. Or go out and run.

Any way you choose will allow you to release the emotion that is limiting you. You may have to repeat the release (in the same way or try different approaches). These are many great ways to feel better.

And when you feel the weight of the tough emotion lift, you can begin thinking more positively. You can choose new ways to move. You can consider a new lens through which to reflect on the issue. You can choose to let it go completely.

You can bring positivity into your day. You may well find yourself laughing or playing.

Then you can ride that upbeat energy!

Seek out positive energy around you 

In addition to the energy you generate, you can tap into powerful positive energy when you think about where it is already.

Think about the people you spend time with. Choose to surround yourself with people who are fun to be with, optimistic and inspiring.

Visit places that light you up. You might find great energy in a museum, at a sporting event, at a party, in the quiet of a walk in the woods, in your favorite chair where you enjoy reading poetry.

Do things you love, like playing an instrument, or baking, or painting, or gardening, or exploring. 

The more you do these things, the more you will naturally create positive energy, without effort!

Share what works for you!

I would love to hear your favorite way to turn around negative or difficult energy, and how you keep your best energy flowing.

Email me and let me know. I will be glad to share interesting new ways we can all try out to build more energy in our systems for living our best lives.

An invitation to create your best life

Do you, like so many people, replay past events with regret?

It is tempting and easy to think about a decision you made, a conversation you had, a response made quickly, and wish it had been different.

When you feel the pull to question, reexamine, or suffer about things in the past, you cheat yourself.

How?

You cheat yourself out of being present now, and when that happens you lose precious opportunities to create what is possible in this moment.

What you are able to create in every moment (a new idea, a meaningful conversation, a new boundary, something you never dared to explore before) can actually shift your trajectory.

And that one small shift can lead you to a future that is more satisfying and fulfilling.

That’s an incredible possibility.

What are you creating now?

What are you thinking about and taking action on to create the life you truly want to live?

Are your thoughts and actions propelling you in a direction that excites you, or are they limiting you?

Perhaps you are dwelling on negativity and worry, which is common and may feel reasonable. A conscious shift to gratitude and positive possibility can bring inspiring energy to your next efforts.

Perhaps you feel unsure or timid. A shift to exploring with someone you trust can provide insight and inspiration to take a step you might otherwise not have tried.

Each moment of your day offers the opportunity to create a new thought, take a new step, be a bit bolder.

You may not have considered that these are acts of creation!

What happens when you consciously create 

When you create from a place of belief, clarity and trust, you can move ahead with optimism and willingness to experiment, knowing that you can continue to create in each moment.

When you try new things, course-correct if necessary, and create a new next step forward — over and over again — your life can change in remarkable ways.

This can become a new way of operating. A new way of living.

Take a small, meaningful step now

I invite you to make one small commitment to yourself today — to create something just beyond your habitual way of operating, or just outside of your comfort zone.

It may be to say “no,” if you know deep down that that response is called for.

It might be to say “yes” to your heart, if you feel it’s time to try something new.

And if that “something new” is to to say “yes” to you — to make space for yourself, to look deep into your heart and find true clarity about what you want, and to have a guide to begin creating that reality — you may want to say “yes!” to a once-a-year opportunity that’s just round the corner.

Start creating the future you dream of

Each spring I lead the Live Big Live! retreat in Boston, and this opportunity is only happening once in 2024.

On June 6, 7, and 8, 2024, an intimate group of incredible women — like you! — will come together to move though a life-changing experience together. And we start in a virtual format together before the retreat, so you will have a solid foundation for everything that happens in our beautiful space together.

Here’s what you can expect:

• You will be guided to crystalize a vision that is rooted in deeply knowing yourself.

• You will experience creativity in inspiring, fun, and surprising ways — and no special talent or experience is needed!

• You will receive tools to use, again and again, whenever you feel doubtful or stuck, to keep moving toward your dreams. 

• You will learn from and be supported by other great women, and in turn you will bring your gifts to them.

• You will create a concrete plan for how you will live into your vision for the next 90 days — so the inspiration and insights will be specifically actionable for you.

• You will amaze yourself and feel excited about your life as never before.

I have witnessed remarkable outcomes at Live Big Live! in the past, and it would be an honor to speak to you to see if this opportunity is a match for you.

My life’s work is to guide and inspire great women to tap all of their potential by activating the transformative power of creativity to live their best lives — to live big!

If you are ready to step into an amazing future, let’s talk soon. We kick off in advance of the retreat, so let’s get a date on the calendar soon! 

Schedule a call here. (There's never a cost or obligation for us to chat.)

Here are a few photos taken at past Live Big Live! retreats

Crafting your life with purpose

We each choose the life we live. And we get to choose each day.

No matter what is happening we have choices. And we have the opportunity to create.

When my family recently faced the loss of my father, coupled with the sudden illness of one of my sisters, who was in a coma for weeks, it was overwhelming to process all of the emotion and move through everything that needed to be done. Life can sometimes suddenly throw a lot at you.

And even in extreme moments and circumstances, we each get to choose how to respond.

Do you crumble — for a little while or an extended period of time? Do you reach out for help? Do you turn to someone you trust as a sounding board? Do you assess and reassess as you move ahead? Do you pay attention to what you need and try and get it (sleep, food, peace and quiet)? Do you find gratitude even in the midst of pain? 

Many of us miss the opportunity to make conscious choices each day.

Even on an “ordinary day,” no matter how things are going, you get to choose the lens through which to look at circumstances and events.

What are you choosing?

If your day is full of delight, you can choose gratitude, and you can bring that energy into each decision and next choice you make. 

If today is less than stellar, you can also choose gratitude, and you can bring that energy into each decision and next choice you make.

When you choose gratitude, love, generosity, possibility and optimism, everything you do is infused with uplifting energy.

When you choose to create each response, each idea, and each next step to take with that positive uplifting energy, you choose your life.

That’s the key to moving through challenges with more ease, and how you can elevate and accelerate the things that are going well.

When things feel daunting try these 3 steps

Try using this simple process whenever you feel stuck in a low frame of mind:

1. Pause to sit and breathe.

2. Consider the situation.

Take a calm, clear look at what is happening. Can you assess the situation with a broader perspective than when you sat down? 

3. Make a conscious choice.

Choose the response you want to bring to this time.

Feel into your heart and find gratitude. Find love. Think about how you might be generous — to someone else, and to yourself.

Generate as much optimism as possible.

Then consider possibilities for actions, responses, solutions.

Choose to bring as much positive energy into your next step as possible.

As you make choices with intention, you create your best life.

Last week I chose to attend a retreat with my amazing coach and a stellar group of people doing fabulous work in the world. This is the view that greeted me each day. The energy and inspiration of the experience created marvelous fuel for my spirit. 

I’ve created two amazing retreats that are coming up this year. One may be perfect for you to find inspiration to live your biggest life. Email me if you are curious!

Empower your future with these key questions

What are your answers to these questions:

• Are you looking for inspiration?

• Do you know what you really want?

• Do you yearn to feel more alive and excited about your life?

• Have you thought about shaping a clear vision of your future — a future that feels satisfying and promising? 

Considerations like these may be front and center for you. Or, like many women pushing through their days, you may not have paused to think about them in some time (if ever).

I believe these are important questions. I believe that we all deserve to be clear, to feel inspired, to be excited, and to envision the lives we want to live — now and in the future.

I also believe that we all can live inspired, fulfilling lives that are built on realizing our deep desires.

So why is it that so many women I speak to find it challenging to answer some or all of these questions?

Most of us play it safe

It’s easy to live each day and not take the time to think seriously. Feeling deserving to set aside time for ourselves, for self-care of any kind — including self-reflection — is a factor that stands in the way for many women.

And many women find questions like these uncomfortable. Some tell me they feel bewildered about how to look inside for answers.

Whatever the reason, it can often feel easier not to consider questions like these. It may seem safer to simply live from day-to-day without intentionally charting a course that is rooted in your heart.

Here’s how to begin stepping into clarity

If you are looking for small first steps you can take to bring answers to light, try some of these approaches.

Here are a few ideas for finding inspiration

Make a quick list of things you really enjoy doing, such as taking leisurely walks with friends, exploring new places, trying exotic foods, collecting something that fascinates you, learning new things. Write quickly and list at least 12 things.

Look at your list, and star the two or three that are most appealing. Then make a date to do them. When you take that action, note the way you feel. See if you can sustain that energy — by doing more of the same things, or engaging in other things on your list.

Here are a few ideas to pinpoint what you want

Sit quietly and think about what you want in the moment. It might be a flavor you want to taste. It might be an experience you long for. Getting in touch with your desires in the moment helps you tune in to your heart and pay attention. Repeat this for a few days and see what shows up.

To build on that, sit with someone close to you and have them ask you what you want — over and over. Give it time, and let yourself go deep. After 5 minutes being asked and answering that question, switch places and ask the other person what they want. Ask again and again. Acknowledge what they share. When you have each taken a turn, reflect on how it felt to have been asked, and to listen to the other person’s answers, and talk about what showed up for each of you.

Here are a few ideas for building energy and feeling more excited each day

Similar to seeking inspiration, think about what makes you feel full of energy and excited. Some people love activities that are fast, to get their blood pumping. Some find they are filled with energy and excitement in quiet places, like in a great museum. Some like to be in crowds at concerts, while others find star-gazing with a great telescope lights them up. Whatever it is for you, (and there may be multiple ways), plan to bring that kind of experience into you life soon — and do it as often as you can.

Here are ideas for starting to shape a vision for the future

Once you have moved through exploring the first 3 ideas, you will be well-positioned to consider your vision for the future — which may be something near-term or longer-term.

Tap into the inspiration, the desires you identified, and the kind of energy and excitement you have started cultivating. Then think about how you can imagine various aspects of your life when all of that energy is part of it.

Start by considering your relationships. Then move on to imagining your work life. How about the environment you surround yourself with? What kind of environment would support you to feel great? Next, think about how you imagine your health and wellbeing, as you live a life that you love.

Imagine what all of that could look. Paint a picture in your mind. You might want to write descriptions, or create a vision board to flesh it out and hold a clear vision. 

Start with one small step today!

If you want to begin activating more energy and finding more clarity in your life, start small.

Commit to one small effort now, and do it soon.

Yup, you will be off and running!

Check in with yourself. If it was great, keep going. If it was not all you expected, try something new. And continue!

As you experiment and make discoveries that feel satisfying and meaningful, extend your efforts.

Know that you are building awareness along with energy, and that your desires will evolve over time. That’s the beauty of actively living with awareness — you get to have new experiences and learn new things, and all of that helps you to shape a vision full of energy to fuel your life in wonderful ways.

Know, too, that while starting is the key, significant change takes consistent awareness and effort. 

If you are curious about having guidance to make each step easy to take, and to accelerate your progress, I’d be happy to tell you about a powerful program that’s only offered one a year and that will be starting soon.

It has helped dozens of great women find their clarity and step into making their fabulous visions their reality.

To see if it’s a fit for you, email me. We can hop on a quick (free) call.

Step into new possibilities

Most people live in their comfort zone, where it feels safe — and comfortable! That was familiar territory for me. I lived in a cozy, if small, comfort zone for years.

I recall how uncomfortable it was, when I first worked with a coach, to think of stepping outside of my comfort zone. The uncertainty I felt about a host of unknowns seemed daunting.

And, I learned that by choosing to look at things differently, I could also see opportunity.

What if you focused on curiosity and exploration rather than fear?

For some people, a significant event shakes them up and inspires them to step beyond their comfort zone.

In my case, it was a slower process of building awareness that I was no longer content with the status quo. A soft voice inside me piped up to say that I was no longer excited about the work I’d been doing for decades and it was time for something to change.

And I said yes.

I was willing to trust myself, get curious and explore what was possible. Fear and resistance fell away.

Giving myself the opportunity to explore and make discoveries led me to fresh and exciting insights, and many new experiences. It wasn’t long before my new path became clear and I was energized to forge ahead.

What is simmering inside of you, related to your work, your relationships, an upcoming transition, or your satisfation with life?

What might it look like for you to open yourself up to new possibilities?

There is power in taking one small step 

Rather than staying where you are now — no matter where you are on the spectrum that spans dissatisfied, to uncertain, to eager for something new — I invite you to take a step across that invisible line at the edge of your comfort zone and the possibility of something new, different, bigger, better.

Start with saying a quite “Yes” to yourself — a “Yes” to taking a single, small step into new possibility.

• Your small step may be to make a change in a routine that feels stale.

• Your step might be to reach out to someone and talk about an idea that intrigues you.

• You might try something different, like a new way of moving your body, or a new way of creating to express yourself.

• Your step can be taken at your desk, or on an excursion to a place that inspires you.

• You might explore ideas you have now, or generate new ideas to consider.

Any new step counts. Start and then take another step (in the same direction or a different one).

Getting into motion builds momentum. So set an intention to take action.

Are you ready to begin?

Most people wait for the “right time” to take a new step. And most people put off action because they are never sure they are “ready.”

I urge you to start today — simply take one small step over the line into new possibility!

And you might make that step a call with me. You can book a quick intro call to share what’s going on in your life, and what you yearn for. (There’s no pressure, cost or obligation for us to talk.)

Shifting perspective shifts energy

For most of us, each day is full — there’s work to do, family and friends to interact with, there are time-sensitive matters that arise, and external events compete for our attention.

It is easy to feel scattered, easy to focus on others and local and world events, easy to feel pulled into drama that is not ours.

When this happens to me, as has often been the case lately, I remind myself of a few things. They may be helpful for you.

We each have limited control

While it is tempting to try and control, or fix, or change things that concern us, we can only control ourselves.

We can make suggestions, offer to help, look into resources, and listen with an open heart.

But we cannot control the actions another person or group will take. Nor can we control their emotions.

The key is to stay focused on the control we have:

• for the lens through which we choose to see things

• for the responses we choose to bring to a given situation

• to consider what lesson we can learn

• to consider how a situation is here for us

• to send loving energy to others

• to hold love for ourselves. 

We always have the opportunity to create

Even when tension runs high, it is possible to create a response rather than default to anger, fear, disappointment, anxiety or bitterness.

How?

• Create a few quiet moments to breathe, connect to your heart, and get grounded.

• Create some questions about what other ways you can consider to see the situation.

• Create new thoughts to anchor to, that are supportive and calm.

• Create a new next action to take that serves you and helps, if there is help to offer. 

• Create peace in yourself when you have done the best you can, or at times where you have no opportunity to effect change.

The bottom line

We can each only live our own life. And that is powerful!

There is unlimited potential to harness that power and and there are unlimited ways to use it.

When you take ownership of your thoughts, your responses, and the actions you take, you build strength.

You are a powerful creator of a life that is focused, resilient, and self-loving.

Your strength, in turn, allows you to do the most good, no matter what is happening around you.

And, to reach a state where you can stand in your power in the midst of whatever daily events show up, takes time, practice and patience.

It happens one small step at a time. 

Are you ready for something new?

This weekend I was immersed in the past. I lost my father in November, and the house he and my mother lived in has just been sold.

My sisters and I are in the process of emptying the house, and my job the last few days has been going through mountains of family photos — many from boxes of my grandparents that have been sitting in the basement of my parents’ house for decades.

Treasures have been found, emotions have been sparked, and I am gaining insights about how lives have been lived over long spans of time.

Seeing my parents, and their parents, in the bloom of youth and as they aged, is very sweet.

Seeing myself as an infant, during my childhood, as a gawky teenager, a young adult, a bride, and a mother, I am reflecting on the life I have lived, and the life I am living now.

How are you living your life?

Looking back at my professional life, it’s clear that I started in a career I enjoyed, and that I continued for several decades without considering if it was really fulfilling. 

What I became aware of, when in 2009 I hired my first coach to help me with my business, was that I had been drifting through my life without looking at or thinking deeply about the big picture.

I, like most busy professionals, was focused primarily on what was right in front of me. Added to work, raising children, serving on boards, making time to be with my husband, and managing a household, and my attention and focus were fully occupied.

Things seemed to be fine.

What was pivotal for me was working with a coach who asked me to took clearly at my life, and how I was showing up in it. 

When I did that, I saw a lot I had not noticed before. Slow steps followed by more small steps, I started to see many ways I was not showing up fully in my life. I also realized I no longer loved the work I had been doing for nearly 3 decades.

Most significantly, I realized I was ready to make changes.

What does it mean to be ready?

There are times when you know you are ready — for something new, something different, something more exciting. You feel it, and you take a step to bring that change into your life.

More frequently, the question of “being ready” — to look for or accept that new job, to make that big decision, to step into something different even if it is not fully defined in your mind — is one that feels unsettling, or even frightening.

I believe that when you start to get curious and feel a stirring, it is a significant signal from your heart.

Your heart may be “ready” before your head catches up!

That was my experience, and I see it all the time when I speak to women who have hesitated to look deeply, or take action, to explore a stirring they feel.

Fear and doubt show up. Many women are willing to settle for what is now, rather than take a new step.

I get it. 

These 3 steps may help

If you are pondering something new or different and not moving forward, see what happens when you proceed like this:

1. Get clear

First get curious. Ask yourself questions like these, and answer them honestly.

• What is working optimally in your life?

• What feels like a struggle, or feels simply “ok”? 

• What lights you up?

• What do you want more of?

• What do you want less of?

Add more questions that come to mind, and look clearly at what you discover.

2. Set an intention

Your intention can be to research and learn more about a new possibility that you want to consider.

It can be to reach out to people who can advise and/or support you.

It can be to initiate a change — with a very small step, or a larger one.

3. Take action

This step is key.

Until you take some action (remember that small actions count!), and commit to staying in action, one of two things will happen.

Changes that you have declared you want will not happen.

Or you will be at the mercy of inevitable changes that happen around you. Rarely will changes like that match up to what you had envisioned for yourself.

Is it time to say “Yes” to your biggest, best life?

My life was pretty great before I looked closely and decided that I wanted less stress and to be more lit up every day.

I decided to create a more fulfilling future, and I have not stopped creating my life.

I have had great coaches, mentors and teachers who have supported me, inspired me, and believed in me. I am forever grateful to them, and grateful to myself.

I am aware that when I said, “Yes” to myself, I gave myself a gift far greater than I could have imagined on the day I started this journey.

I deeply appreciate all that my grandparents and parents did to set me on my path. And I am proud that I used that foundation as a springboard to a bigger, happier life — where I can help other great women to become the creators of the lives they yearn for.

I invite you to experience yourself living a life that delights you! 

And I’d be happy to explore the possibility of working with you to make that dream your reality.

My father, my grandfather and my mother holding me at the start of my life’s journey.

Live BIG in 2024!

When was the last time you created space for yourself — to think deeply and explore your heart? 

Have you ever spent a few days with other women who are courageously considering important questions, getting clear about the life they truly desire, and being supported to start creating that life?

One of the most beautiful expressions of the outcome of this process was shared with me this past weekend. One of the women who said “Yes” to herself and attended a retreat I led in January shared where she is now.

“I am exploring the ocean that is me. I am immersed, and seeing all that is coming up for me. I am honing and exploring and finding joy!”

What will you discover when you say “Yes”?

The opportunity to give yourself some time and space to focus squarely on yourself is special. And doing it with guidance, in a small group with other great women, is remarkably enriching.

If you are willing to embark on a process of personal exploration, I predict that you will make great discoveries.

If you believe that you matter and that you can learn to create a future that will light up your heart, I predict that you will feel excited to step into a new version of you — a you who feels agency in her life as never before.

Explore what’s possible for you!

The Live Big Live! retreat, that I last offered a year ago and that is now offered only once a year, is returning this spring.

The 3-day retreat is preceded with a preparatory process that’s designed to give you a solid foundation before we gather in person. You will have tools that provide clarity and discoveries, private sessions with me, and group calls where you will connect to the other fabulous women in the group.

Our time at the retreat will include fun and creativity, as insights emerge and breakthroughs are experienced. In short, this program will propel powerful momentum to fuel your life!

Live Big Live! is a singular opportunity to experience what past attendees have raved about. (Check out what they have said here.)

Now is a particularly good time to check out Live Big Live! and see if you feel the urge to learn more about it. 

Why consider Live Big Live! now?

I am offering a special fee for the program through the end of the month. The special offer will expire on February 29, 2024. 

If you feel this spring may be the time to step away from your day-to-day routine, connect to your heart, nurture your spirit, and get energized to create your ideal life in a BIG way, let’s talk soon. 

Look for time on my calendar here. We’ll meet on a call to be sure your questions are answered and see if the fit is right.

I will be delighted for us to talk.

Unleash your creative power in 2024

Imagine standing at a large glass window on a rocky shoreline, looking out at the vast ocean and the expansive sky above it. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine what that would look like and how that would feel.

Can you “see” the splendor of nature before you?

Can you sense the energy of the powerful moving water and hear the crashing waves on the rocks below the window? Can you see the graceful, swooping birds gliding on the wind currents?

This inspiring vista represents the year that lies ahead for you — an amazing year of limitless possibilities.

The vast space is filled with energy that you can tap into and use as fuel to create an incredible 2024!

The energy for creation is in you

The way that energy is generated and built in the natural world provides us with information we can apply in our lives, to create anything we want to bring into existence or elevate in our lives.

Here’s a bit of nerdy science to explain:

1. Just as in atomic structure, you can add energy to a stable system and create stability at a higher level. (With a hydrogen atom, for instance, you can add energy with a laser. The electron absorbs the energy and moves to a higher energy state. Got that?)

Interestingly, the process can go in the other direction. An electron at a higher level of energy can drop back down if its energy is dissipated or lost. It takes new energy to be put back in to get back up to the level it had.

2. Here’s another piece of information to consider, having to do with thermo-dynamics and entropy. (I promise, this will not hurt your brain!)

The fact is that the universe tends toward disorder, and that’s called entropy. If you let things erode, you need to put energy back into the system and then sustain that energy. You can even build more energy from there! 

We all know that nothing lasts forever, and our bodies, brains, even civilizations can crumble. The good news is that living things are designed to counter entropy!

3. Chemical reactions have something great to teach us. Activation energy is needed to bring several atoms together to make a molecule (think about 2 Hydrogen atoms and 1 Oxygen atom, to make water).

Any process that creates new things from already-existng things takes energy! (For water, a spark of heat or electricity does the trick.)

For us, it means not only having all of the parts ready and assembled, also adding an energetic ingredient.. 

What this means for you

When you:

• have the willingness to go beyond the edge of your comfort zone and trust yourself to do something that excites you

• believe that your desires and ideas matter, and that you have the power to take small steps forward

• commit to yourself and the effort that’s called for to create what you desire

• generate energy in your spirit and actions — a natural outgrowth of having the foundation I just described

• and stay in the process, so you continue to build energy, or start again when there is a setback

… you can create in limitless ways!

You can add spirit and emotion, too. While these are not as measurable, you can feel the energy of kindness, love, and joy. These all build positive emotional states.

Combine spirit and emotion with the scientific principles described above, you have powerful energy for fulfillment!

Let’s create a 2024 to remember!  

I kicked the year off leading a powerful new retreat last week, that was focused on the energy of creation (see some photos below!).

It was incredible, and I am designing more deep experiences for women to come together to get focused and clear, and generate creative energy to bring into their lives — and impact the world — as never before! 

And part of my focus for 2024 is to bring more of my work inside organizations. I support professional women to be able to bring more of their greatness forward, to have their biggest impact as they create lives they love. When this happens great culture is built, organizational success is accelerated, and great talent is retained.

If you want to hear more about any of what’s coming up — for you personally or your organization — get in touch!

Take time to just be

Winter has finally arrived in New England, after mild and rainy months in November and December.

Enjoying the visual delight of a shimmering white coating on snow-covered trees, I am treating myself to a snow day.

Snuggling in with a cozy blanket, sipping hot tea, Edith Piaf serenading me, this is a treat I am delighted to give myself.

What about you? 

You do not need actual snow to have a snow-day

Few of us take the time to be quiet, to rest, to simply let ourselves BE.

If you tend to live the way I lived much of my life, you are likely so caught up in doing, that you rush through your days and miss the opportunity to get quiet, rest, and connect to your heart. 

You may wait for a vacation to take a break, and even then, you may have a full schedule and be in constant motion.

Making time to slow down and indulge your body and your spirit is a gift you can choose to give yourself — no matter the calendar or weather.

And you need not make it a full day of down time, if that’s not practical.

If there is a lot going on, look for ways to bring a short respite into your day.

And take a look at you schedule. Block off space for being at regular intervals — whether you want that time for reading, journaling, assembling a puzzle, drawing, day-dreaming, cooking something fun, walking in a special place, or connecting for a longed-for conversation with someone you miss.

The gift of stillness and quiet

When you make small, or more extended, periods of quiet time a regular part of your life, remarkable things can happen.

For me, it works in a similar way that savasana does at the end of a yoga class — the period of stillness at the conclusion of a physical practice. In the stillness, my nervous system is remarkably quiet. I feel a distinctive sense of relaxation and feel refreshed.

I also make a deep connection to my heart — what it wants and what it needs. 

And in that “emptiness” I often find insights and ideas show up that are fresh and surprising.

Many times I find myself feeling more alive and inspired to move into the next part of the day.

At the start of this fresh new year, why not see how making a “snow-day” practice of your own will work for you?  Email me and let me know how it goes. I'll be delighted to hear.

Boldly create your 2024

Happy new year!

I am writing on January 2. Having barely stepped into this new year, it’s a great moment to consider the possibilities for the way you want to live for the next 12 months.

Ask yourself these 3 questions

Take a little time to mull over these questions. With a journal in hand, write whatever comes to mind.

You may find some things that surprise you when you let yourself listen to the deep messages in your heart.

And, do not be concerned with the “how” related to anything you think of. This a time to connect to your desires, so write down all of it — do not edit things out! (The “how” can be addressed later.)

1. Who are you ready to BE in 2024?

How do you want to step up and into the most powerful version of yourself, to show up authentically and boldly as you navigate your life? What will that look like for you?

What qualities do you want to amplify this year?

What aspects of the way you have been operating in the world are you ready to change or shift away from, so you can bring your best self to everything you do this year?

2. What matters that you want to DO in 2024? 

This is a great moment to thoughtfully consider how you will spend your precious time this year.

What things do you want to do to live a life that satisfies you, that minimizes stress and maximizes joy?

What do you want to create in your life that will inform your “doing”?

Do you want to create a new direction for your career, or create new relationships?

Do you want to create expressively (as a writer, musician, builder or chef)?

What do those desires ask you to do — what actions you will take?

3. What do you want to HAVE in 2024?

Do you want to have more space and time to do particular things you crave?

Do you want to have courage, or confidence, or peace of mind?

Do you want specific opportunities?

Do you want to have tangible things like a new car, or furniture, or the resources to have a travel adventure? 

Do you want to have the satisfaction of making an impact in a particular way?

A word for the year can guide you in 2024

With the insights and clarity you have, choosing a word to inspire and guide you to live your biggest, best life can keep you energized and clear as the months roll along.

I have shared my process for choosing a word of the year in my blog over the years. You can check out what I shared last year. 

As you will see, I first choose a word and then add several ways I intend for that word to guide me. I find that specificity to be very powerful and supportive during the year. 

I always type-set the word, as you can see below. I hang a printout on my pinboard, where I look at it every day.

I invite you to try it and see what the impact is for you.

Wishing you a year filled with joy, love and peace 

I dream of a world where we all live the biggest, best versions of ourselves.

When we create personal wellbeing and boldly show up with all of our talents and gifts, we are not only powerful creators in every dimension of our lives, we inspire everyone around us. 

Let’s do this together, and fill the world with more big ideas and bold action.

Joy, love and peace will ripple far and wide.

Celebrating your 2023 top 10

I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend.

And, the season of celebration continues in full swing!

As the New Year approaches it is peak Top 10 List season. Why not get in on the fun in a personal way?

Make a 2023 Top 10 list for yourself

Amidst the festivities at this time of year, making a personal Top 10 List is a great way to look at the bounty in your life.

Choose from these ideas, add others of your own, and feel free to include more than 10 items on your list!

Best conversation 

Brightest moment of joy

Best adventure

A notable moment of creative flow

The best outcome of a challenge you overcame

Best taste, smell, feeling, sound, or lovely sensory sensation

Best surprise you experienced

Your most generous act or thought

The most fun you experienced

The boldest thing you did

A time you felt your best physically

A peak moment of gratitute to savor

Your most precious memory of the year

A significant moment when love filled your heart

The thing you are most proud of

A peak moment — for any reason

The biggest insight to bring into the new year

With your list in hand, you might want to type-set it in a great font. (The designer in me loves the magic of beautiful typography to enhance the impact of big ideas and insights!)

You can print out your list and post it where you’ll be able to frequently reflect on the highlights of your year.

Savoring the best about yourself and the best things in your life will naturally fill you with gratitude and self-love. These are precious and meaningful ways to bring great energy into the coming year.

As you look ahead

As you bring your focus on 2024 front and center, consider choosing a word to guide your year. This has been an inspiring and meaningful practice for me and for my clients for a long time.

I’ve written several blog posts about the word-of-the-year process I developed. My process helps you go deep and find a word with significance and resonance.

I invite you to check it out.

I wrote this post in 2019, and it links you back to a post from the previous year, that details my process for choosing a great word for the year.

And this post was written last year, with some perspective on my experiences using the process.

I will be moving through this process for myself, as I look ahead to a year of expansion and evolution. I will share my word and more about the big new ideas that I am excited about early in the new year.

Let me know what you choose for 2024!

My wishes for you this week (and beyond)

1. Make sweet time for yourself amidst the holiday bustle. 

2. Know how grateful I am for the honor of being invited into your inbox each week.

3. avor love, joy, beauty, the company of good people, and the possibilities and creative energy available to you every day.

4. Bring your precious magic into the world — whether in tiny droplets on some days, or by the boat-load on other days.

5. Make the most of today, tomorrow, and every day as you believe in the abundant opportunities for peace, love and happiness. Live Big!

Navigating the year-end transition

As we head into the last two weeks of the year, you may feel drawn to look back, or eager to look ahead, and maybe both.

Whether this has been a year to cherish or a year you are eager to leave behind, you surely have meaningful opportunities for insight.

You choose the lens

Let’s first consider reflecting back on 2023 — which I suggested in my last post.

Looking back can reveal a lot for us, and can help us look ahead with clarity and intention for the year we want to live after the calendar turns on New Years Day.

All of us can spot times when things went well. It is important to recall things we took pride in and things to celebrate.

And, all of us can spot times of challenge, disappointment, pain or frustration.

It's in reflecting on the challenges that we get a choice about the lens through which we want to process them.

If you choose a lens of regret you may beat yourself up for not doing better or for having made poor decisions — leaving you with a sinking sensation, or worse.

If, instead, you choose to look at unfortunate events of the past year through the lens of observing lessons learned, or recognizing ways you moved ahead, you may well be able to feel gratitude for positive aspects of those events. 

Perhaps you will see that you were resilient.

Perhaps you can appreciate your strength.

Can you spot creativity in ways you thought about paths forward, or ways you approached a situation?

A focus on gratitude sets you up for success 

When you choose to look through the lens of gratitude, for both the great things and the ways you dealt with difficulties, you fill yourself with positivity.

The energy you feel when you can appreciate the full spectrum of your experiences is powerful. And that energy will support you to think and feel differently as you look ahead to 2024.

Try this next

Pull up your calendar and set aside a little time for yourself to look back, and look ahead. You may want to do this with a buddy, you may want to schedule two sessions — one for looking back and one for looking ahead. You may want to do this in a place you especially enjoy, like a cozy cafe or a comfy chair.

Any way that works for you is great.

It is helpful to scan your 2023 calendar and note the things that jump out to you. There are likely to be highlights you did not acknowledge, or special things that you lost track of. Jot them all down.

And jot down the rough stuff, too. There may be big ones you are thinking of now, and you may well see some reminders of smaller challenges that offer insights when you think about how you responded, overcame obstacles, or found solutions.

With all of the discovery noted, its time to do some writing about the outcomes in 2023 you can appreciate and savor.

And then it is time to look ahead to the fresh new year on the horizon.

What dreams do you want to pursue? How do you want to show up

Consider questions like these:

• What qualities in yourself will you leverage in new ways?

• Do you yearn to lead more boldly? 

• Do you want to be more compassionate (to yourself and/or others)?

• Are you ready to stop doing something the way you have in the past?

• Does it feel like time to try something big or new?

Write about all of the thoughts and ideas that come to mind, without evaluating or judging them, or thinking about how to do any of those things. (There will be time for those questions soon enough.)

Give yourself the gift of time to dream 

In this season of gift-giving, spending time to dream is a precious gift you can give yourself.

Let yourself dream big about the life you want to create in 2024!

It does take any more energy to dream a big dream than a small one. Honor yourself and the desires in your heart, and declare your dreams!

I am dreaming about a year filled with more love, abundant peace, and women (and men!) everywhere living their dreams.

We can collectively bringing more greatness into the world as we all create in meaningful ways. This world needs all of us to show up and live our biggest,best lives.

Take time to reflect

In the midst of this busy season, most of us have a packed schedule.

And lots of people wait until the new year rolls around to look ahead, make a resolution or two, and hope for good things to happen.

I get it. Carving out time for reflection can seem hard, or may feel selfish — particularly when the calendar is filled.

I invite you to consider the gifts that can emerge when you devote even a small bit of quiet time to reflect.

Take a few minutes for yourself 

Set aside a few minutes today — maybe over lunch, or before bed would be a good time to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for yourself.

Pull out a journal, paper or a laptop, and have your calendar handy. Then choose one or more of these questions to explore.

1. Look back at your year and see what you can celebrate about yourself.

Here are some questions you might ask:

• Were there times when you were brave, or dared to be bold? 

• When did you have an impact that was meaningful?

• Did you accomplish something you would not have expected? 

• When did your generosity have meaning for someone?

2. Look for lessons learned.

We learn valuable lessons in many ways. One way you may not have considered is to think about challenges you took on, or challenges that showed up this past year, that contributed to your path of success. 

See what you can spot. Can you feel gratitude for outcomes that those challenges led to in your life?

3. Look for things you want to emphasize next year, or let go of.

Perhaps there was an experience that opened your heart in a new way, or a person you got to know well and enjoyed, or a place you spent time that was especially meaningful. 

Note things you want more of next year.

Think, too, about things you want less of, or things you are ready to release.

Perhaps there are things you said “Yes” to that you didn’t like doing, or that have run their course. Maybe there are habits of thinking you are ready to shift away from. Maybe you want a change in a relationship.

By reflecting and taking note, you can set intentions for next year.

You can consider ways to make the positive things a meaningful part of your life in 2024.

And you can intentionally clear space for more positivity when you set clear intentions to release what does not make you happy.

Do it again!

Why not set aside a few minutes every other day for the rest of this month for some quiet reflection? Start with the suggestions above, and add to ways of mining the past year as new perspectives come to mind.

As you look back and consider your year in 2023, you will be likely to notice many things that will help you move into 2024 with more clarity, awareness and intention.

And if you want to share, I would be delighted to hear about the insights you discover. Email me.

Discovering strength in tough moments

Here we are in December. I am looking ahead to how I will conclude 2023, and where 2024 may take me. You may be thinking about that too.

2023 has been extraordinary in many ways — some wonderfully special, some tragic, personally and in the greater world.

All of the events in our lives offer us the opportunity to think about how to look at them, and to respond.

It is in the hard times that we can learn the most, if we choose to see those events as learning opportunities.

The challenges of dealing with loss and worry

November was a month of many contrasts for me, dominated by loss and stress.

I lost my father on November 13. He was 97, a great man who lived a remarkable and long life. He was dearly loved. I am grateful that I was with him on the 13th, hours before he took his last breath.

The day my father died my youngest sister was on a ventilator in an ICU, 10 miles away. She has been in multiple ICUs these last weeks, and has finally turned a corner. It looks like her will to live is stronger than all of the medical problems that shut down so many of her organ systems for nearly a month.

Grief and deep concern for my sister have been a tough pair of challenges. The space to grieve for my father has been squeezed by the time and attention devoted to my sister’s illness.

My heart has been sore for weeks on end.

And, blessedly, life continues, and it is full of dimension.

Both and… 

I made a point each day to look for ways to bring love and hope into my life, and into the world in any small way I could think of.

I wrote to all of you weekly, even as I chose not share anything about my father’s death until my sister was conscious and we could tell her. Writing to you was a gift I gave myself. It felt good to share what I hope were meaningful ideas.

Amidst the sadness and not-knowing worry, the joy of spending Thanksgiving with my children and sweet grandchildren was a balm for my spirit. I felt deep gratitude for so much love in my life, and savored the the sweetness of being with little precious ones.

I created time to write and to paint. That helped me feel deeply, and move emotion that seemed trapped and fraught.

I learned to be patient and to trust that things would work out as they were meant to. And I learned to accept that I could only do so much.

I could love and support my family members, especially my sister's children. I could take care of practical matters. I could do my best to bring love into the world. I could support my clients. And I needed to take care of myself.

Of course I wish the circumstances in my family and the world around me could have been different. And yet, I learned so much for which I am grateful.

Conclusions and beginnings

As we are all moving into this last month of 2023, I invite you to join me in taking a look back at everything you have experienced this year.

Can you see things you learned, or can learn now by looking through a lens of openness and gratitude? Are there lessons and insights you see with clarity now, that you may have missed as they happened?

Now think about 2024 and all that is possible for you. What do you want your year to look like and feel like?

What strength and insights can you bring into the new year based on your reflections of 2023?

And here is one last question:

How can you live your biggest, best life today and all month long, so that you can create dynamically in 2024?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Email me with your plans for living your best life.

Listen with an open heart

When you cultivate self-awareness wonderful things can happen.

This takes time and focus, because it is easy to slide into automatic ways of looking at and thinking about things, and automatic ways of being.

Let’s explore one way to bring intentionality to your relationships, that goes beyond the typical way so many people interact when in conversations.

The two questions below can be considered in terms of exchanges in your personal relationships as well as in professional interactions.

How closely do you listen? 

Listening sounds easy — after all, we listen to people all day every day.

And, in many cases we miss a lot, because most of us listen superficially.

When we fail to slow our busy minds down and bring our focus to the person we are with, we miss the opportunity to listen deeply with an open heart.

If, instead, we listen actively, with intention and care and with a loving heart, the person with whom we are in conversation will feel that presence. They are likely to share more fully and honestly.

And whatever way they may share, we can hear so much more by listening deeply. We are able to pick up more than we typically would, tuning in to more nuances, and gaining more insight from the emotion we are able to feel.

We can sometimes even listen for and hear things that are not being articulated in words. We can tune into messages that come across in the tone of voice, in body language, and messages transmitted via the energy of the person who is sharing with us. We may even hear things that are hidden behind the words — fears or concerns or shame that are embedded in the actual statements.

When we listen deeply and hear so much, we can connect and engage with the other person in ways that go way beyond what we would otherwise be able to contribute had we been listening more superficially.

And this way of listening also validates the speaker. They know they are being heard.

Do you bring judgement to what you hear?

One perspective that is meaningful to try and hold, when you listen with focus and care, is to connect to the loving essence of that person.

It is all too common to let judgment slide into our thinking when we listen — judgements that may be subtle or harsh.

Noticing subtle judgements can be particularly challenging. And harsher judgements, if we are aware we are making them, often feel justifiable. 

If you are listening and realize you are judging, you might ask for a pause, so you can take a moment to release the judgement before inviting the person to continue speaking.

The ability to listen without judgement keeps our hearts open. This is a gift we can give the person to whom we are listening, and also a meaningful gift we can give ourselves.

Be patient with yourself

If you choose to bring the awareness of active, non-judgemental listening into your conversations, you may find it takes a bit of practice to do it with ease. I have found that the rewards of building this practice are wonderful, and invite you to join me in cultivating this awareness.

Each conversation you have is an opportunity for understanding and respect, whether you and the other party ultimately find agreement or not. 

Of course, when you do complete a conversation in agreement it feels great.

When that is not the outcome, knowing that you have had a deeply meaningful conversation free of judgement opens the door to acceptance. Ideally you will both be able to agree to disagree, or move ahead in tandem. And if that is not the case, you are likely to feel better because you were able to be open and loving.

Each time we lovingly listen we contribute loving energy into the world.

The more love we generate, the more healing and connection there will be in the world.

Slow down to find clarity

Perhaps the weather is finally getting more seasonally cool where you are, as it is here in Boston. The fall season brings many things to mind.

Like many people, I am thinking about how I want to make the most of the final quarter of this year. 

And with lots of big ideas percolating, it would be easy for me to drive myself hard. After all, there are barely 12 weeks until 2024 gets underway.

For most of my life I was focused on pushing myself. It was such a “normal” way for me to live and work that I never considered the possibility of a different approach to my life.

What about you?

Is constant pushing your “normal”? 

If it is, does it make you happy?

Do you hold the belief that it’s the only way to get things done and achieve?

What if there is another way?

I have been learning to slow down for over a decade! 

I have become keenly aware that, for me, being thoughtful and taking intentional, clear action works much better than plowing frantically through my days.

Going more slowly to get more done, and to be more satisfied with my work and my life, was counterintuitive when my first coach introduced the concept to me.

Being willing to try it, finding ways to experience more satisfaction and accomplishment, and consistently practicing over time has made a huge difference in my life.

I am clear about the benefits of living and working without “push energy” — that I had thought was the only way to succeed. (I, like most of us, had internalized the way our culture glorifies and celebrates hard, hard work). 

My new approach has proven to be remarkably beneficial.

3 steps you can try for yourself

Rather than plowing through your days, living with stress, and collapsing in exhaustion, here is a way to start approaching your life differently that you can explore.

1. Make a small shift to create space for you to “be.”

When you start your day with space for thinking, feeling and intentional planning, many things will start to change.

Even if you have kids to get to school or other demands on your time, think about adjustments you can make to start your day in a new way.

You might realize that getting to bed a bit earlier will enable you to wake up sooner than you have been, so you can give yourself the gift of 10 to 20 minutes to yourself.

You might create a new morning pattern or routine with those in your household, that provides you with some precious quiet time for yourself.

You might decide that a current habit can be replaced, that will support a quiet, focused mind. (For me, switching away from listening to news first thing in the morning, and instead choosing music I was in the mood for, made a wonderful difference.)

If you want more ideas, I have a lovely guide, Creating Space for YOU, to help you do just that. Just email me and I will get it right off to you,

2. Choose how to center yourself.

You might write in a journal.

You can quietly list things for which you are grateful.

You might want to move your body in a particular way — doing yoga poses, moving through a quick workout, taking a walk outside.

With some focus established, you will be ready to think about your day with quiet energy and sharper perspective.

3. Set your intention.

Setting a clear intention for yourself makes great things possible.

Your intention could be to move thoughtfully through your day, rather than rushing and reacting.

You might intend to show up boldly in a conversation, or get something specific accomplished with focus and ease.

You might intend to sustain a positive frame of mind all day.

You might intend to ask for help for a matter that has challenged you, or to make something easier to accomplish.

Your intention may well include several components.

The key is to be loving to yourself as you set intentions that will support you to have the best day you can.

You are responsible for your experiences

When you set the stage for quiet, intentional thinking each morning, and do as much as you can to follow through on the intentions you set, you will see meaningful changes unfold in your life.

You have this opportunity.

You have the power to bring change into your life, to live in a sustainable way, that enables you to thrive.

You can make the most of 2023 and step into a new year with clear energy, sharp focus, greater clarity and deep enthusiasm.

That is what being a creator of your life, living big, is all about.

If you want to talk about how you can begin to make significant change in your life, I may be able to help.

The best way to start is to book a quick intro call with me.

You are under no pressure, no obligation. I promise only an honest conversation where you can talk about the deep desires you have for your life and what's in the way for you now. I can share fresh insight and perspective, and tell you about programs I offer that may be a fit for you.

Email me, or find a time on my calendar here.