Last week I left for Paris to lead my first overseas retreat. My dream of bringing a group of wonderful women to France for 12 days, to explore Paris and then spend time in the gorgeous French countryside, was about to become a reality.

And so it has.

It has been a remarkable week in many ways. And mixed with great delight, we have been processing the heartbreak we all feel following the outcome of the election.

Being in a city as magical as Paris, with the opportunity to share art in fabulous museums, culture, history, and food has been a privilege. And as we have moved through these days I am gaining perspective and insight.

Emotions must be honored

Whatever one feels in any given situation, the emotions need time and space — to be felt, and to be processed if they are troubling.

The key is to keep from being stuck in difficult emotions, so you do not fall into despair.

For despair leads to hopelessness, and that is no place to stay (for your own sake and others’).

Hope, on the other hand, provides you with a feeling of agency and possibility. It inspires action, and action is a great antidote to fear and anxiety.

Cultivate hope like you cultivate a garden

To look for ways to feel hopeful, remember that you are filled with love. You have abundant creative power. And you have a voice.

Actively look for beauty and soak it in.

Allow yourself to feel love and give love to others.

Take positive action (even small action) in tandem with others who want to create a world where kindness, love, peace, freedom and justice prevail. The collective potential of like-minded people is considerable.

What I am learning in Paris

Being in the city my father grew up in, I am recalling that he was remarkably resilient and resourceful.

He never gave up — when the Germans invaded France in World War II, he and his family took brave action to leave. They made a new life in a new country and were proud Americans.

When his brother (and business partner) died suddenly at age 42, he kept going. When his business failed several years later, after a trusted person embezzled from him, he came back and succeeded again.

When he lost my mother and was truly heartbroken, he smiled lovingly at her picture each day for the rest of his life. He found joy in his return trips to his beloved Paris.

He always looked ahead with hope.

He modeled hope for me, as I am committed to doing for others.

And so I am living each day here focused on opening to the adventures we are sharing. I am cherishing the company of magnificent women, and am in awe of the exceptional creativity we have taken in in each museum we’ve visited. I am savoring fabulous meals and how my senses are awakened. I am feeling tremendous gratitude for the joy of this experience, knowing it is fortifying my heart and spirit for the path ahead.

I believe the joy of this experience, for me and the women I am sharing these experiences with, is adding positive, creative, hopeful energy to the world, and that we will all return home with even more of that energy.

I am sharing some photos I have taken in the last week with the hope that you can feel the joy, feel hopeful, and sense the creative power you are filled with.

When I wrote about fear last week, there was a big response to the ideas I shared about ways to move ahead when that emotion shows up. (If you missed it, you can check it out here.)

Much like fear, anger can grip any of us from time to time, and can be short-lived or sustained.

Anger is normal, and it’s important to feel and respect it in order to deal with it.

And, it’s important to address it, because anger can be destructive, leading to resentment and ongoing suffering.

The grip of anger

When anger sets in, it’s hard to think clearly, or stand in your power, or show up in ways that are best for you.

Anger rarely just melts away. When it festers it is like a poison in your system.

You may not even be aware of the cause. You may feel concerned about what your best course of action can be.

And so, it’s common to hold on to anger. And letting anger fester is not in your best interest.

How to process and release anger

Step one, when you feel angry, is to take a deep breath and tune in to what you are experiencing. You also want to identify the underlying cause that has brought on your reaction.

Sometimes you feel quietly angry, sometimes quite furious.

Sometimes you know why you are angry, but you may sometimes not be so sure.

If you feel upset and cannot pinpoint what is bothering you, it’s important to first get clear. From there, you can employ effective ways to move ahead more positively.

Pinpoint the what and why

Here are two ways to gain clarity about just what is bothering you.

Make it visual

Pull out paper and crayons. (If you don’t have any around, you can get them in the school-supply section of your nearby drug store).

Simply draw what the anger feels like. Add words if you like, Use the colors that show how you feel. Make marks and images that show the emotion.

Make it as ugly or intense as the anger you feel.

Use the Discovery Dozen™

You may already know how to use the Discovery Dozen™ exercise, that’s a key tool I work with and is included in my book.

If you don't know how the Discovery Dozen works, you can download a quick guide to using it.

You could start with this fill-in-the-blank sentence:

“Right now I feel angry/furious/enraged because…”

Quickly add an ending to that sentence root, and keep doing that 12 times, for 12 different full sentences. Then look over what shows up.

Next you have an opportunity to drill down deeper, and do another Discovery Dozen. Try it.

You can choose from your answers in the first list of completed sentences and use this structure for a new Discovery Dozen:

“The thing that makes me angriest about [the thing you picked from your first round of sentence endings] is…”

You may want to use this second Discovery Dozen over again, selecting a different response from your first list of sentences. When you write quickly, insights that were not top-of-mind are likely to show up.

By using both the visual and written methods, you will likely have new awareness.

And the acts of creating in these ways may help you begin to feel better, too.

Release anger and free your spirit

When you are angry and you know what the cause is, it may feel frightening.

You may feel afraid to express it.

You may try to push it aside, or stuff it down.

Doing that rarely works for long, and can build the intensity of your anger. When that happens, anger may burst out and cause a new round of emotional distress.

There are safe ways to release the emotional intensity of anger, so that you can take a thoughtful approach and move forward.

Here are some options to consider:

Try physically moving the angry energy

Pull out a pillow and beat it (against a bed, or any surface that will not be harmed). Shout as you do it. Repeat for as long as you need, to feel that you have drained the pent up negative energy.
Write furiously — vent it all on paper.
Go for a run, or do an intense workout.

Talk to a trusted friend, coach or advisor

It’s easy for intense emotions like anger to highjack your thoughts, where they loop endlessly.

When you turn to someone who can listen and support you to think calmly, you can more easily find clarity. They may be able to help you identify aspects you did not see on your own, gain perspective, and help you plan for what you can or want to do next.

You may want to follow these steps with mediation or yoga, to support you to think clearly about a conversation to have or an action to take that can address the situation that brought the anger on.

Being on the other side of anger

Having attended to your anger you, you will be able to create a positive path forward.

Whether that is having a meaningful and constructive conversation, initiating a new way of interacting with someone, feeling clearer about your feelings and reactions, being able to forgive someone, or feeling able to release the anger completely, you will have new tools available for the next occasion when anger appears.

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Finding Hope and Joy in Paris