Venturing beyond comfort zones

This past weekend I attended a writing retreat. A year and a half ago I ventured into the world of personal writing for the first time, having no idea of whether I would like it, and harboring doubt that I would be “good at it.”

It’s easy to shy away from new things

Writing had not been easy or fun for me in school and long after I entered the work world. When I started sending out my Big Ideas newsletters a decade ago, I easily found topics I wanted to share but I did not write with ease. 

As with most things, when you care about doing something — in my case, having ideas I was passionate about sharing — it is easy to commit to doing it. And the more you stick with doing that thing the more you facility you develop for doing it.

Writing weekly articles has become far easier, and something I now do with joy.

But the idea of trying to write from my heart — personal stories or fictional essays — seemed mysterious and daunting.

Did I have a big “WHY” for trying it, like I have for my weekly articles?

Not really.

Did I have curiosity about trying a new expressive form with the guidance of a teacher I’d met who seemed like a gentle and gifted person?

Yes.

I have become more and more willing to step out of my comfort zone as I’ve strengthened the muscles of being a creator in a broad range of ways.

So I challenged myself to explore this new medium and experience what “writing from the deep voice” could feel like.

The act of creating can be challenging

Meeting Leslie Berliant and stepping into the magic of her teaching has enriched my life in unexpected and wonderful ways. She nurtures and supports great women to birth remarkable stories and books. 

I am so glad I allowed myself to explore this new form of creative expression.

And yet, creative flow has often proven to be elusive, as it was at the start of this weekend’s retreat.

I have frequently had the same challenge when I enter my studio to paint. 

Getting past what feels like a brick wall to find flow is something I am still learning to do with patience.

Because being patient and loving to myself is always the key when ideas and inspiration feel inaccessible.

At the retreat it was easy to compare myself to the other (incredibly talented) writhers in the room. It was tempting at times to say I did not want to share what I'd just spent an hour writing. However, that was not an option!

What I learned was that staying open, connecting to all of my emotions, giving myself time, dropping self-judgement, and choosing to find gratitude and pleasure along the way were the keys to breaking through the barrier.

Words gradually began to flow with more ease.

I also learned (again!), that none of us can judge our own work. 

As we wrote for our last block of time on Sunday, I shared something I thought was all right. The response I got from everyone in the room was pure delight at what I had read. One person declared it felt like the start of a novel she would love to read!

Clearly, the small breakthrough I thought I had had was bigger than I was able to assess.

Magic can happen when you find your process and keep going

It’s easy to feel discouraged when inspiration feels elusive. By trusting and staying in a place of possibility, you can remain open and continue to write, or paint, or come up with new directions, concepts and ideas.

If you find yourself feeling a bit stuck or blocked, make any small effort to keep going. Then take another small step and see what shows up.

You may experience a breakthrough, too. 

After the writing retreat, a group of us did a live reading from the latest anthology, Writrix Volume Two: Rays of Light, at the Brookline Booksmith. You can watch the reading on YouTube here, and you can order a copy of the book here.

Savoring the creative work of others at the writing retreat

Getting ready to read at Brookline Booksmith

Sharing my work at the podium at our book reading

What we can learn now

Week after week, we are all finding our way through this crisis.

Our experiences vary, of course, but this is not an easy time for any of us. Even those most fortunate — to have work, to be safe, to be healthy — struggle with uncertainty, fears, new demands and concerns that weigh on them. Those less fortunate have a far heavier burden.

As we are all challenged, we also have opportunities to learn, to take stock, to pay attention, and to grow.

Where to begin? I advocate for self care and many other important ways to support yourself, but today I want to share this fruitful starting place:

Attend to your emotions 

The difficult emotions we carry have weight. You may feel a heaviness on your shoulders or tightness in your chest. Your belly may be tender. Your jaw may tend to clench and your sleep is likely to be disrupted.

Most of us are accustomed to ignoring these signs, or pushing emotions like these aside as we rush through the demands of everyday life. 

You may be doing that now, or you may be in a slower mode and facing troubling emotion — lots of it — square in the eye. 

I’m happy to tell you that there are ways to loosen the grip of troubling emotions. You can also expand positive emotions. When you learn how, your burden will be eased.

1. Get clear

Start by writing down what you are feeling — all of it. 

What are you afraid of? What’s annoying you? Who are you lonely for? What do you miss the most? What’s making you angry?

And, what is making you happy? What are good things in your life now? What has surprised you? What do you look forward to? What do you want more of?

You won’t feel every emotion on your list every day, but having written all of it, you will be clearer and can move ahead.

2. Use your emotions as fuel 

Choose an emotion on your list that you want to clear. It could be worry, or sadness, or frustration.

Next, choose a way to create, where that emotion can be your focus, or fuel. Try as many of these as appeal to you. 

Draw — Aim to make the ugliest drawing you can to express your fear, or anger, or worry. You might draw a monster who embodies that emotion. You can fill the page with words you long to shout, big and small and overlapping. Cover the paper edge to edge, using crayons or pastels or markers. Put lots of energy into it! And feel the release.

Dance — Turn up the volume on any kind of music (loud and aggressive, opera, Motown, ballads) and move. Let you body respond and release, for as long as you want. Let the emotion move through you and out.

Write — You might compose a poem, write a letter to your emotion, invent a story, or simply free-write in a journal. Let anything show up on your page as you express your emotion. Then tuck the writing away and breathe in the space you created.

Dig in the garden — Getting outside is great, but even indoor gardening is a way you can work through emotion and feel both satisfied and uplifted.

Cook — Use emotion to hack through vegetable prep, and then aim to create something surprising with the ingredients. Delight yourself as you experiment.

You can also choose an emotion on your list that you want to enhance.You can activate more of your good emotions using the same techniques listed above! Draw, dance, write, spend time in your garden or cook to expand the emotions that fill your heart, for more of that goodness!

3. Repeat as often as you need and want

Create any time there's emotion building that needs to be processed and transformed, or that you want to enhance. Experiment and see what works best for you, and explore other ways to create using emotion as fuel. 

Maybe working with your hands is special, and you enjoy needlework or crafts. Maybe you love to putter in a workshop and make or repair things. Maybe you’ll imagine starting a huge painting, that you can keep changing each time you need a place to process emotion. Maybe you will choose your camera as a creative tool to capture images that express your troubling emotion, to document this time of separation, or to lift your spirits.

Adding a small amount of creative expression each day (that you can tuck in even when life gets very busy) will improve your wellbeing. 

This is one big way you can move into what will come after the pandemic stronger, more resilient, and better positioned to create a bright future.

If you want to explore a long list of resources to help you now, I have one for you on my website. Thriving Now includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on the list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls. They will help you during this unique time, and long after we have moved through it. 

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 18. Join me for this 7th weekend call, when women from all over the country will again come together to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support, to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing, I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward now, on an issue that you want to address. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.