What does true devotion look like for you?

Last weekend I traveled across the country to attend the wedding of a friend who I had not seen in several years. I had never met her fiancé and was excited to celebrate with them at the long-awaited event.

It was a truly beautiful weekend, filled with joy. I loved meeting the man I’d heard so much about, and was struck by the deep devotion the couple have for one another.

I knew my friend had stood by him after a serious surgery. And I knew he had supported her through severe long-COVID. Hearing about how they had made their incredible initial connection, and the ways they have faced challenges together, demonstrated true love and remarkable devotion.

This got me thinking about devotion, and how broadly we can reflect on it.

In addition to thinking about devotion in the context of a loving relationship, we have the opportunity to think about what we bring devotion to in our lives.

To whom, and to what, are you devoted?

It’s great to think about people to whom you are devoted. These relationships are precious, whether with a partner, a family, a dear friend or other special person.

Some people are devoted to special animals who are like family to them.

I invite you to consider your devotion to other things as well.

Some of us are devoted to the work we do, while for many others, work may be comfortable, a means to an end, or worse, something that they simply endure.

Some feel devoted to:

• a calling

• a cause

• principles

• values they treasure

• their religion, or God

I invite you to bring devotion to yourself.

Have you considered how devoted you are to yourself?

Many accomplished women find themselves focused on a huge range of responsibilities — work, family, community, organizations, care of elderly relatives, and more — and lose sight of the importance of their own wellbeing.

When we sacrifice our health and wellbeing, we pay a price — and we are unable to be as effective as we want to be in every other area of our lives.

What would it look like to bring more devotion to yourself, starting today?

Might you get more rest? Eat healthier food? Make sacred time to meditate, or write in a journal, or express yourself through art, or music or dance?

Might you create space for play and fun, or time in nature?

Might you relax, read, or invite a special friend to join you for a walk?

Might you lovingly say no to a request, to be sure you honor yourself and your needs?

These are all ways to bring devotion to yourself.

Any of these expressions of devotion (or any other way you feel moved to treat to yourself as worthy of that level of care) will bring you significant benefits.

Whenever you pursue things that light you up and fuel your spirit, or that bring you joy and make you feel inspired, you are being beautifully devoted to yourself.

This is not selfish! It is a meaningful way to practice self-love.

Allow yourself to connect to your heart, and feel the kind of devotion to yourself that you feel for others.

Why not set an intention to be devoted to your wellbeing, starting today?

I predict that when you treasure yourself in this way you will experience wonderful ripple effects in your life.

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Have you tapped the treasures in your heart?

Now that the weather is mild and most of us are emerging from isolation, we are also becoming more aware of the impacts the last two years have had. All of us have experienced them to one degree or another, and in many different ways.

And, after the week of devastating news about another horrific, senseless shooting, coupled with concerns about wars, disease, and more that are ongoing, it is easy to feel stressed, despondent and even anxious.

Life can hold joys and wonders for us, even as we feel pain, sadness, and experience stress. The balance is always shifting, ebbing and flowing.

The best resource is your heart

When you connect to your heart and explore what is there, you will find treasures.

Sit in stillness and assess two things:
what you are feeling, and what you desire.

If your heart aches, it may sound counterintuitive to characterize that as a treasure. But whenever we connect to our emotions and our desires — both of which we find when we make a heart connection — we are enriched.

Being aware of and honoring our emotions enables us to be fully aware, rather than hiding from or ignoring our feelings.

Knowing what we truly want gives us a valuable compass.

Connect to the feelings you find

When assessing what you feel, you may find one clear emotion rings out, or a cocktail of several kinds of feelings in a jumble. In either case, honor what you feel.

Sadness, anger, pain or stress need to be acknowledged so you can find support and apply techniques to soften them, rather than experiencing prolonged discomfort.

Joy, love, excitement and pleasure can be celebrated, and thus can expand rather than being taken for granted or pushed aside in the midst if a busy life.

Focus on your desires

It is notable to me how many people with whom I work are not able to easily identify what they want.

They may struggle to know what they want in the moment, and feel flummoxed by the question if they are asked about what they want in terms of the direction for their life or future.

The answers lie in your heart, and can be found when you jog them loose.

One way to get clear is to do a powerful exercise with a partner that I teach in my book Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. If you have the book, you will find it on page 79.

And there is a short list of questions you can ask yourself each morning for a few days, on page 125. Use a journal to note what shows up.

Here are the questions:

• What do I want?

• What will bring me happiness, or enhance the happiness I feel in this moment?

• What does my heart yearn for now?

• What is my gut trying to tell me?

• How can I make today amazing?

These questions will open up your truths. You may even be surprised at what shows up when you answer without editing or judging the realizations.

What to do next

How to process deep difficult emotions will vary.

Often your awareness, plus journalling about the feelings, creating in any way you wish with the emotion you feel as your energetic “fuel”, or reaching out for support (from a friend or counselor) will be what you need to lighten or transform those emotions. If you continue to struggle, a consultation with your primary care physician can be a good first step to find a therapist or other help.

And when you become clear about the desires you have you can take steps toward what you want.

In the near-term, honor your desires. If you crave fresh air, make time to get outdoors. If you miss time with a particular person or group of friends, make a plan to get together. If a particular food appeals to you, enjoy it. Get accustomed to knowing what you want and feeling deserving of the things you desire.

And when you are clear about important things for you that are longer-term — perhaps related to a change in the work you do, the place you live, or a relationship, start laying the groundwork to create that reality in your life.

We have the power to be creators of the lives we want

When you are clear about what that is, and able to process and shift difficult emotions that limit you, you can take one small step followed by the next small step in the direction of your vision. Those baby steps add up and you will see that the momentum builds!

Here is a question for you:

How will you begin today?

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What to do when life feels out of control

Most accomplished women find that they have over-committed themselves at one time or another.

It can happen because of big demands at work, big family demands, or voluntarily taking on something big and important in addition to ongoing work and personal responsibilities.

And sometimes life happens, and things pile up despite our best efforts to keep things sane.

At other times we feel called to take on that big extra something knowing it will be demanding, because it is so important to us.

One of my clients shared that she found herself in a situation like that this week, and I recalled having been there myself.

The “extra” commitment she knowingly took on was urgent and it meant a lot to her. And then it ballooned into something even bigger, demanding even more time and energy.

The stress and exhaustion she described took me back to times I thought I would burst at the seams trying to manage way too much. I wish I had known then what I know today.

What happens when you are in over your head

In addition to witnessing stress and exhaustion, I saw that my client, a brilliant woman, felt trapped. She felt trapped by the pressure and was not able to see a way out.

A toxic combination like that can be overwhelming, and in that state it is hard to think clearly. It is also hard to make decisions that are in your best interest.

This is a form of burnout.

We think of burnout as a long-term issue that takes a big toll. But short-term periods of high stress are not to be ignored. They, too, take a significant toll.

3 steps to take when you feel overwhelmed

The first thing to go out the window when in the midst of very high stress is your ability to find your center and take care of yourself. Knowing how to find release from crushing stress is crucial.

Try these 3 ways to ground yourself:

1. Your breath is your ally

Of course we all breathe all the time. But the way you breathe can have a remarkable impact.

When stressed, you are likely to take shallow breaths as you plow through tasks.

This is the time to pause, shut the office door or find a spot to get quiet, and slowly breathe with intention. You might put your hands on your heart as you breathe deeply, filling your belly. Then exhale even more slowly. Pause and repeat.

After breathing quietly and slowly for a couple of minutes you will find yourself feeling more grounded, centered and present.

As your system quiets, you can also connect to your body, feel fully into your heart, and calmly tune into your thoughts.

2. Turn your attention to self-care

With newfound calm, you will likely be able to appreciate that some things must wait, as you consider what you need most to take care of yourself.

Maybe you need healthy food to fuel your body. Maybe you need to get out for some fresh air and movement, or get to bed and catch up on your sleep.

Ask yourself what your body needs and what will fuel your spirit.

If you run yourself ragged, you will do no good for anyone else, and the projects you are trying to work on will suffer.

Ultimately the outcomes will be better if you are fresher when you return to the demands that you had been exhausting yourself to focus on.

3. Leverage the efforts of others

Ask others for help and support! Seek out friendship, moral support and practical help.

Look to delegate as much as you can — even if you believe you would “do it better” than others might.

And here are some related ideas to consider.

Think about whether parts of the effort can be postponed. Are the deadlines really set in stone?

Maybe you can drop some of what you have been focused on. Does all of it have to be done?

Think about as many ways to lighten your load as you can.

Ward off potential overwhelm early

The best part of having moved through a tough period such as this, and having experienced positive results using some or all of the techniques noted above, is that you will be better able to recognize the warning signs of impending overwhelm in the future.

I am happy to say that my client took time to give herself the space and care she needed to look at the situation with fresh eyes. She has updated her plan for moving ahead. While she knows challenges still lie ahead, she has a sharper perspective and is feeling better.

And she will be less likely to find herself caught off-guard in the future.

Ideally, you, too, can be alert and make choices and decisions that will prevent you from finding yourself in the midst of major overwhelm.

Of course, there may well be times that something huge appears in your life, that must be dealt with. 

Knowing that you have actions to take to keep you from experiencing full-blown overwhelm, or to help you get back to equilibrium, will help.

You will know to take the first step: to slow down your breathing. From that quiet place you will be able to make your best decisions.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

3 easy ways to create more space in your life

I have been writing a new talk for weeks, that I presented for the first time last Tuesday. It was wonderful to share something new with the attendees of Lexington Wealth Management’s Empower Women series.

The title of my latest talk is: Live Big Without Sacrifice

As I have observed the lives of women (and men) around me, have heard from my clients, have reflected on the culture that surrounds us all, and focused on my own life, it is clear how many of us sacrifice our physical and mental wellbeing each day. The degree of sacrifice varies, but those sacrifices take a toll.

Now this is a big topic, and my talk offers major themes that may not be top-of-mind for most. But I want to share a fundamental truth (one that you may be familiar with if you have read my book) that I hope will help you today.

We need to create more time to simply BE

When we make space to BE more, we not only rest and care for ourselves, we are able to consider what really matters to us.

This space allows us to get clear about what we want to DO, and gain more insight into how we want to do those things.

As I say in my book, Live Big, we are human beings, but most of us spend most of our time doing. I invite you to focus on BEING before DOING.

And all of the ways of being that we choose to make our focus will create a foundation for the quality of our lives.

Let’s consider the most basic matter:

How to create space for more BEING

As I write today, I am away, with time to rest and reflect after a busy start of the year. Vacations are great — but they are not the answer.

The challenge (and imperative) is to focus on how to BE more in the midst of a busy life.

I invite you to explore these 3 ideas:

1. Commit to a morning practice

The form and duration of your morning practice is a personal choice.

It may include stretching or yoga, going for a run, or some other exercise. It may include journaling. It may include meditation. It may be structured so there is no screen time or listening to news before you get outside and breath fresh air.

One part of my daily practice is to pull a card from an oracle deck and use that as a prompt for journaling, reflecting, and setting intentions for my day.

If the idea of a morning practice is new to you, why not experiment and find what you like best?

2. Schedule breaks in your day

How many times have you plowed through your day, grabbed lunch on the go, and barely had time to think of anything other than the pressing items on your to-do list?

This a sure path to burnout! Why not make one or more of these ideas a regular part of each day?

• Take a “sacred pause.” Simply find a quiet place, set your clock for 2 minutes, close your eyes, and breathe quietly. (That’s it!)

• Make time to digest a healthy meal and bring your attention to the present. Chew your food slowly, savor the flavors and textures. You might sit in stillness or share a pleasant conversation.

• Chose to sit and do nothing! It could be to sit on a bench where you can watch people go by. Maybe you will look out a window at the sky or vista. Any form of doing nothing — for 5 or 10 minutes (or longer) will make a big difference in your wellbeing.

• Do a little moving. Walk around the block. Use the stairs instead of taking an escalator. Stand and stretch out your achy muscles after sitting in a meeting or being stuck at your desk. Your body will thank you!

3. Seek out inspiration and delight

This idea is the icing on the cake — and might be combined with things you choose in the two categories above, or something you do in another way.

When you look for wonder in your midst, or seek out beauty with intention, you light up your spirit and open your heart.

You might take a mid-day walk and use the camera on your phone to capture moments of natural beauty, or snap a photo of a curious color combination or an interesting light pattern. Or, look around you indoors and see where there are moments of delight you can savor.

You might schedule a date with yourself or a friend to visit a gallery, or go into a lovely shop you spotted as you drove past.

Any form of inspiration will bring positive energy into your life.

Why not start today?

I hope you will join me and commit to regularly giving yourself the space and grace to BE more — especially in the midst of a life that feels busy.

Small practices that create more space for you can have a surprisingly big impact.

Please share what you try and what you experience. Let’s stay inspired together!

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to harness your attention and reap big rewards

Have you noticed — in yourself, and others around you — how often our attention is focused on things that happened in the past and things that have not yet happened?

We replay the past for so many reasons.

We recall disappointments and mistakes and rerun them in our minds. Sometimes we replay happy events and successes, but most of us are pulled to memories that related to failures, sadness, frustration, shame and regret.

We also have a tendency to focus our thinking on things in the future.

It certainly makes sense to plan ahead and keep future goals in mind, but there's a trap here. We often create assumptions and spin stories about things that we think are likely to happen, and get stuck focused on the imagined events and outcomes.

What we miss is the opportunity to be fully present. We miss now, and all the potential of the moment we are in.

Attention is a precious commodity

We all know there are only 24 hours in a day — that limit is clear.

What most people fail to consider is that our attention each day also has limits.

Our attention is precious. We help ourselves enormously when we allocate our attention with care.

Do you ever pause to ask yourself questions like these?

• Where am I directing my attention?

• What am I choosing to focus on?

• Am I present now, or am I thinking about the past?

• Am I present now, or am I focused on what may or may not happen down the road?

I invite you to appreciate the importance of asking questions like these to assess where your attention lies in a given moment.

I also invite you to appreciate the opportunities that are yours when you are fully present.

The gifts of living in the now

We miss so much opportunity when we fail to be fully present.

Rather than suffering when we rehash events of the past (instead of learning from them and moving on), when you focus on the present you can reap the insights and opportunities that are in front of you now.

Rather than imagining (and often fretting about) things that have not happened, and may never happen, when you focus on the present you can make the most of the moment you are in, think expansively, and actively take steps to shape the future.

Being present keeps you open and aware. You can be curious. You can listen to your intuition. You can spot opportunities, and tune in to events and people around you.

Most of all, when you live in the present, you are able to create each next best decision as you move through your day.

Being fully present enables you to make the most of your precious attention, so you can create your best life one moment at a time.

Why not give yourself that gift today, and bring that awareness into your life again tomorrow? Before long, you will be living in the present with ease, and reaping great rewards.

I’d love to hear about the impact this practice has for you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Recalling 3 special gifts my mother gave me

I don’t know about you, but I just realized that Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend!

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. It’s wonderful being with my children and two precious grandchildren. But ever since I lost my mother in August 2020, anticipating the day brings back memories of family celebrations over many decades that make me long to embrace my mother again, and see her smile.

I am savoring those sweet memories (including her delight at being with us at my son’s college graduation, that you can see in the photo above), and recalling how much she influenced not only me, but countless others.

My mother’s wisdom

If you are a long-time reader of my Big Ideas, you may recall the post I wrote about my mother's lessons for all of us, that was written soon after she died.

Today I am thinking again about some of the ways she enriched not only her family and friends, but the many ways she had a huge impact that spread far like ripples. Her influence continues to enrich countless people who often speak to me about her.

Here are a few gems I am thinking about and want to share.

When we care about others they remember and are grateful

My mother loved people. Many of my friends continue to recall how much they loved hanging at our house, and secretly wished my mother was theirs.

My mother could meet you at a cafe or sit next to you on a plane ride, and strike up such a rich connection that she would then introduce you to others with whom you’d click right away.

She was genuine and warm and cared. This is something we can all consider when we have opportunities to connect to others.

When we share what we love we inspire others

My mother had a deep love for beautiful things. She loved art. She loved being in nature and seeing beautiful vistas. She set the most exquisite tables (and cooked exquisite food to put on those tables). Many friends have shared stories about how she helped them rearrange a bookcase, or a room, or their kitchen cabinets, so they were both beautiful and functional.

I grew up thinking that everyone was surrounded by beauty and appreciated beauty. I came to realize that that is far from universal.

By tuning in to beauty, and creating moments that are beautiful whenever possible, you add delight to your life and you delight and inspire others.

When we love with a whole heart we create a wonderful life

My mother was full of love. Does that mean she lived a dream life? None of us are blessed with a life that is “perfect.”

And still, love was front and center in her life, and its role was great.

She loved my father for over 70 years. She loved her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. Taking her children, and later her grandchildren, on trips meant the world to her — and created many lasting sweet memories. She had deep friendships and spread her smile and love with tremendous generosity.

One amazing way my mother expressed love was through her art. The sketchbooks she filled on vacations, the paintings and prints and drawings that filled our home, all transmitted her love.

I have come to see how much she created, in ways I did not appreciate growing up.

Fueled by love, she created deep meaningful connections. Fueled by love she created environments that were a joy to be in. Fueled by love, she generously helped others. Fueled by love, her culinary creations were legendary. Fueled by love, she adventured to far-off places and brought home stories and drawings to share the delight she felt.

Thanks to my mother, I fuel my life with love

I have made love a great focus in my life. I try and bring that energy to everything I do.

One thing I was inspired to do is study, practice, and teach about the importance of self-love. This is one form of love I wish my mother had made a greater focus for herself.

Why do I consider self-love to be so important? When we truly love and value and believe in ourselves and our gifts, we can bring the greatest love to others, and to everything we do.

I invite you to consider all the ways you can bring a deeper focus to love, and find inspiration for all you do when you make love your starting point.

Rather than having fear, or anger, or anxiety intrude, choose to start with love. Bring it into your relationships, and into the the work you do, and into your orientation to everything, every day.

You will give yourself a magnificent gift and you will spread love far and wide.

In fact, like my mother, you may never even realize the influence you will have.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to make each day a little easier

When people ask how you are, is your answer usually, “Busy!”? You may use other expressions that convey there's a lot — maybe too much — going on.

Maybe you live in over-drive, like so many accomplished professionals I know and speak to. Some wear their fast-paced, often stress-filled striving like a badge of honor. Some feel exhausted and are looking for a way to reduce the intensity.

Whichever camp you may be in, there is a strikingly simple way to make things easier, that I discovered and use all the time.

Self-talk can provide a huge assist

The frame of mind we choose, and the energy that is supported by our thinking, can result in very different experiences.

Consider these two ways to approach the same situation.

Scenario 1: 

This person sits down at her desk and looks over a huge list of things to do before the end of the day.

She says to herself, “This is going to be hard! It will take all day, and maybe into the evening, to get it done.”

She gets to work and pushes through the hours. She barely takes a break, and finds herself feeling irritable.

Scenario 2: 

Another person starts her day looking at a similar list.

She says to herself, “Wow, there’s a lot on this list! What if it does not have to be hard? What if it’s easy to get through these tasks? I have an abundance of time!”

She starts her work, feeling good about all she will accomplish. She moves from task to task, and takes a brief break each hour. She also makes sure to eat well mid-day.

Their outcomes

In Scenario 1, the day ends with a lot accomplished but she feels depleted. She gets home feeling weary and dreading more of the same for the rest of the week.

In Scenario 2, the day ends with a lot accomplished and she feels satisfied and eager to have a nice evening. She knows there is a lot to do the rest of the week, and knows she will approach each day with a similar orientation.

Turn around thoughts that make life harder

A good rule of thumb that will help you shift your self-talk to experience more ease and better outcomes is to turn around the thoughts that do not support you to bring your best energy to tasks at hand (and hamper your outcomes, too).

That’s right. You can reframe negative thoughts to be the opposite — thus turning them into in positive thoughts.

Our negative way of thinking is often on “automatic,” because we do it so regularly.

It’s easier to change those patterns than you may think.

Here are some examples. I’ll begin with a review of the common thoughts noted in the scenarios above.

1. “It‘s going to be hard.”

Most of us use this statement without considering its impact.

Here are a few ways this thinking can show up:
“Making our travel arrangements is going to be hard.”
“This will be a hard conversation.”
“It’s always hard to find the best solution to problems like this one.”

We set ourselves up for struggle when we think this way at the start.

By turning each around, we can feel positive, and maybe even look forward to the experience of making those travel arrangements or solving those problems. In the case of anticipating a “hard” conversation, a turnaround statement helps us defuse the heavy emotion and approach the conversation with more ease. This shift may even help you feel more confident.

2. “There’s not enough time.”

This is something I found myself saying nearly daily for years. One day, my coach looked at a full agenda of things we planned to get through in a day, and said, “There’s a lot here, and we have an abundance of time!”

Not only did her energy shift when she said that, mine did, too. We found that we moved through everything we intended, and really enjoyed the process.

I have been reminding myself that there is an abundance of time ever since, and it’s been a game-changer. My clients have loved adopting this approach, too.

3. “This is complicated.” 

Sure, some things are complex, but you can look at the same circumstances and say, “I can figure this out! It may not be so complicated.”

Can you envision how differently you will feel as you move ahead with this frame of mind?

4. “This is stressful.”

You might turn this statement around and tell yourself, “This is an interesting situation. It feels stressful, but it does not have to be.” 

What other negative thoughts can you notice, and start to turn around?

Start paying attention to your self-talk today

When you bring awareness to habitual ways of thinking that make your life harder, you are able to consciously make small (and significant) shifts in your thinking. Why not begin now?

If you try it, and see that day-to-day life becomes easier and more enjoyable, I would love to hear about what is working for you and the difference it’s making.

Leave a comment or email me me to let me know.

And now, I will return to my to-do list for the day. I know I have all the time I need to get through it!

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

If you crave certainty, this is for you

If you celebrated a holiday this past weekend, I hope it was lovely.

We look forward to many events, and hope for gatherings to be happy, friction-free and fun.

Like many moments in life, we crave certainty and we aim to control outcomes — in spite of the fact that such control is unrealistic.

How to let go of control and stress

Of course, we must first acknowledge that there are things beyond our control.

It’s those things that we think we can control that I’m addressing here.

Whether you are hosting a holiday meal or planning a business program, pitching a proposal or heading out for vacation, the impulse to control everything to assure perfection is tempting (and for some, an automatic way to operate).

For most people, that brings on stress — which is not only counter-productive, it hinders that outcome they desire.

Here are three great approaches to try instead:

1. Be clear about the control you have

The only thing we can be certain about is a belief in ourselves. (This may take some cultivating, and I promise it will be a worthwhile endeavor.)

Consider bringing focus to these areas:

• your resourcefulness

• your resilience

• your efforts to do your best

• your trust in yourself

When you focus there, strengthen each of them, and believe in these qualities, you are in the best position to move ahead effectively and with confidence.

2. Let go of the need for perfection

I realize this one is hard for many of us. (I consider myself a “recovering perfectionist,” and this is life-long work for me!)

There are two ways to think about perfection.

• One is to acknowledge that there is no such thing as perfection. This allows us to take things far less seriously, and removes judgement. We can appreciate good and great, not needing “perfect.”

• The other option is to accept that whatever happens is perfect! We can be proud and happy for good outcomes, and can learn from less-than-ideal outcomes. These less-than-stellar results are gifts that can inform our future efforts, and are often the best thing possible in the long-run.

I try to embrace both of these concepts.

3. Give yourself grace

When you embrace points one and two, you can move ahead with a foundation of self-love and self-compassion. You can bring more of your gifts to every project and plan on which you embark.

You can not only trust yourself, you can extend the trust to those with whom you choose to collaborate. And you can trust the universe to support your efforts.

You can appreciate that everything is an opportunity for learning and expansion.

This self-leadership is the foundation for leadership of all sorts in your life. Leading at work, leading the way for healthy relationships, inspiring others as you lead with creativity and vision, committing to ongoing self-awareness, and, ultimately, making the biggest impact.

Are you ready to boldly lead your life?

Every day affords each of us the opportunity for growth and for expansion — for becoming the confident, clear, focused person we aspire to be.

Perhaps you are a woman who yearns to be a stronger leader in your life, and is ready to bring all of your greatness forward to create your most inspired future.

If that resonates with you, let’s talk.

Email me and we’ll make a date to explore the dreams you have and what’s in the way. I would be happy to provide insights, and may have resources to offer you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Looking for fresh inspiration? Check out these 3 big ideas.

The glory of spring is palpable, and getting most of us excited — excited to be outdoors in warmer temperatures, excited to see colors blooming, excited to begin to see people in person. I enjoyed a wonderful walk with a colleague on Friday afternoon, and look forward to more opportunities to see people, ideally outdoors.

Getting outside is one of many great ways to get inspired. We’ve been cooped up for so long, and while video calls have kept us connected, the chance to be together for real feels great.

How to create inspiration when it goes AWOL

No matter the time of year or the external constraints (the pandemic having been a huge one for the last two years), we all have times when we feel uninspired, or experience a dip in energy and enthusiasm.

When that happens, it can help to have a short cheat-sheet for ways to find a spark.

Here are three great ways to light up your spirits.

These approaches can build enthusiasm for a task at hand, get you excited about taking on a big new project, can help you overcome doubt, and can generally get you feeling more alive and excited.

1. Invite a great conversation

I often say that everything good happens in a conversation. Sure, email is great, and texting has its place, but an actual conversation offers so much more possibility.

And if that conversation happens in person, all the better! (The walk with my colleague on Friday was richer because we spent time together on a circuit around a gorgeous reservoir and had a far-reaching conversation.)

The key is to invite people who think positively, who are curious, maybe funny, and in whose company you feel happy.

2. Look for wonder

I wrote a chapter titled See Wonder, in my book.

Why?

Because wonder lights us up. It inspires us and connects us to our hearts. And most of us miss it as we rush through our days.

When we tune in to the wonder that is all around us — beauty in nature; a shadow created by light streaming through a window; the colors, textures and tastes of lovely food, for example — our outlook about everything is buoyed.

We all have a camera on hand! Why not look for wonder and capture that moment with the camera on your phone. You can pause to savor wonder in the moment, and reconnect to the wonder any time as you pursue the photos in your library.

3. Play!

I also wrote a chapter on Play in my book.

And, this topic is still a work-in progress for me. I think it is for many adults.

The more I have learned about play, the more impressed I am about the power that plays has for us. We can all benefit from returning to the power of play that most of us experienced as kids.

When we play things don’t feel so serious. Fear drops away. When we get silly and experiment, we stop worrying about mistakes and are more focused on possibilities. We are in the moment, present and excited.

When we play and feel joy, life feels expansive. We create with ease!

I know that the possibility of letting go to play with abandon can feel risky for some. Maybe you were “good at” play as a kid, and maybe not. At some point nearly all of us were told it was time to get serious, we played less, and we are out of practice.

Why not look for opportunities to bring play into your life, and practice it?

Inspiration fuels creativity

And creativity is the key to making the life you deeply desire a reality.

Life is precious. Each day counts.

When you stay inspired, when you are truly self-aware and focused, when you learn to bring all of your best self into the world and are able to navigate the inevitable challenges (big and small) as they show up, you can create an inspired, fulfilling life.

Many accomplished, thoughtful women want that life, and yet don’t know how to get there, or struggle to do it on their own.

Perhaps some of these thought have occurred to you:

I am ready to stop settling for less than what’s possible.
I feel there is something more I want to explore or do.
I know I am ready to take a bold step in my life, but I don’t know what it is.
I know it's time for me to stop living small.

If thoughts like these feel familiar, and you want to explore what is possible for you, let’s talk.

The Spring 2022 Live Big Live! program is kicking off soon. If you are ready to light up your spirit, get clear about your vision, and create an inspired future with intention, email me and we’ll see if this program is a fit for you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Don’t miss out on the subtle gifts of the season

There is no doubt that living through the pandemic for over 2 years has changed us. Even those fortunate enough to have remained healthy and working productively are realizing ways that they have been impacted.

Researchers are now sharing more insights about sleep interruption; mental health problems caused by isolation, grief and worry; stress associated with everything from economic changes to parenting children of every age; and physical challenges that include unusually early starts of menstruation, weight gain, lack of exercise, and the damage the body suffers from sitting for hours on end.

I am grateful that spring (which is just becoming evident here in New England) is here — on the calendar and in front of our eyes. With this new season we can approach our lives in many ways that will support our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Spring offers many gifts

Most of us think about spring as a time of warmer temperatures, blooming flowers and trees, and the delight of being outdoors with ease.

And I am grateful for all of that!

There is also a deeper layer of opportunity and insight we can explore. We are more closely connected to the rhythms and energy of nature than many of us realize. There is an intelligence in nature we can tap into now.

We just lived through the season of winter and receptivity.

Nature inspired us to be more quiet and reflective, connecting to deep inner knowing. It was a time to dream and feel inspired to create visions for what we want.

Spring shifts us into the season of embodiment — and this is a time to focus on being.

We can focus on becoming the person who will activate the insights and visions of winter — and become energized to plant the seeds for all that we dreamed of creating.

When we are fully embodied, awakened and inspired, we can plant the seeds with care and tend to the seeds. Even when challenges appear (which is inevitable), we can keep our energy strong, stay focused, and bring loving devotion to the effort of nurturing what we aim to create.

How to embrace the energy of the season

When I embark on anything new — and I have a lot of new things I am planting seeds for now — I first aim to feel as inspired as possible. One thing that always opens my heart is seeing great art.

This weekend I went to the Museum of Fine Arts (for only the second time since the start of the pandemic). I chose to spend most of my time in galleries that were not crowded, and the gift was that I found incredible treasures. They provided wonderful inspiration.

A brisk walk near the museum offered a great wake-up for many muscle groups in my stiff body. And spotting early signs of color and plant growth lifted my spirits to even great heights.

While it was not on my plan for the day, when I got home I felt a huge desire to paint! I turned on my favorite music and three hours of creating flew by. New ideas came pouring in, too.

This positioned me to start the week filled with energy, brimming with big ideas, and feeling physically vibrant.

How will you make the most of the season?

Each day we have the opportunity to renew and bolster our energy, to support vibrant physical wellbeing and a strong spirit.

As you focus on who you are becoming in this season of growth, think about what seeds you feel called to plant now.

And think about how will you keep your energy strong, to tend to them over time.

Spend a few minutes focusing on what lights you up, opens your heart, inspires you. What opportunities are accessible to you, to excite you now?

Maybe you will pass on a museum visit and hop on your bike, or plan a social event with special friends in a gorgeous place, or try a new kind of yoga, or play an instrument, or start a dance party, or explore a scenic town.

I would love to hear what you choose, and what happens when you activate your energy to make the most of this glorious season. Leave a comment, or email me.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Focus on this energy to help yourself — and the world

I pick a card from a deck of oracle cards each morning. This daily practice, that I started in January, centers and grounds me. I sit down at my desk, a candle lit beside me, and begin to focus my energy and attention around the message I receive. After I write for a while I move into action.

I am often struck by how the card I draw is just what I need on a given day. Some recent examples have been “Breakthrough,” “Action,” “Commitment,” “Playfulness.”

And sometimes, I draw a card that surprises me a bit. When that happens, as it did today, I spend a little more time considering what it is I can learn, or how I can be inspired by the message on the card.

The card I drew today?

“Compassion”

And the affirmation stated on the card is:

“The vibration of compassion shines through my every cell!”

The importance of compassion now

One dictionary definition of compassion is:

“sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”

I do not disagree. And yet I started thinking about this word, and its message for me — and all of us — in a broader way today.

With all that is happening in the world, compassion for those who are suffering is a sensation most of us are feeling, and with which many of us are struggling. We live thousands of miles from many tragic world events, we are in close proximity to the continued suffering caused by COVID, and we feel for countless people everywhere who experience distress of many kinds.

It can feel overwhelming to think about all of the suffering we wish we could alleviate.

And, while it may sound counterintuitive, I know there is a way that we can increase our power to positively impact others.

We need to bring compassion to ourselves first

When we cultivate true compassion for ourselves, we can fully love and unconditionally accept ourselves. With this foundation we can have more impact for others in need.

I write often about ways we can strengthen self-love and how to bring more love into the world. (You may want to check out this article about love and self-love. And this article has 3 quick steps to give your spirits a boost.)

Cherish yourself. Affirm your belief that you are amazing, deserving, capable, powerful and creative. In addition to focusing your thoughts this way, you may want to create a mantra for yourself and repeat it often, to bolster self-love.

Aim to let go of judgement, shame or guilt, if you notice thoughts like that showing up. How? Spot those thoughts and replace them with positive, loving thoughts. (You might repeat your mantra.)

The energy of compassion is stronger than you may think

I deeply believe in the power of love to heal us. When we are filled with self-love, and focused on radiating loving thoughts and actions, we shine more of our light to others — near and far.

What we focus on is what we get.

If you allow fear, bitterness or stress to occupy your thoughts, those will build.

So, consider how you can keep your focus on the positive.

• Perhaps, if you meditate, you will bring a simple loving mantra into that practice.

• You might talk about the power of love in conversations with others today

• If you write in a journal, you may want to focus on love in any of its forms.

The more you activate, and spread, your love and light, the more it grows in you. And the more that energy touches others.

Let’s all leverage positive energy

The energetic field of positive vibration will grow and become more powerful the more we each nurture loving energy, and the more we inspire others to expand loving energy.

By collectively bringing a focus of loving compassion to our lives and the lives of others, we bring fuel to alleviating suffering. Coupled with action, these synergistic forces are powerful.

We can all play our part and sustain this energy.

Let’s do this together. Will you join me?

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What I stopped tolerating — that may inspire you.

For years I have struggled to stay organized. Maybe you can relate. I typically have lots of projects underway, and I take lots of notes. The result? A lot of paper — paper that I get too busy to keep organized.

Add to that, I am a visual person, so seeing folders (or piles of papers) for various projects feels comforting to me.

The result? A chaotic desk that leads to stress.

When the stress builds up I bring in help — I work with a great professional organizer. She has helped me enormously over the years. Yet in spite of the updated systems and many great suggestions she has made, I continued to slip back into cycles of desk chaos.

And I continued to tolerate waves of that stress.

But I am no longer willing to do so.

What do we tolerate and why?

Many of us tolerate a lot. We tolerate clutter — both physical clutter and emotional clutter — that can range from mild to intense.

Mild annoyances can look like tolerating someone leaving dirty dishes for others to wash, or occasional rudeness you choose to shrug off. Seriously problematic things might include tolerating unhealthy environments or abusive behavior.

And while my cluttered desk pales in comparison to someone tolerating emotional abuse, it’s interesting to consider why we tolerate whatever it is that causes us stress.

We tolerate things for several reasons.

• We are not clear about our standards, or the standards of the group we are part of.

• We want to avoid awkward or difficult conversations.

• We want to be comfortable more than we are willing to make a change.

• We do not feel strong enough to stand up for ourselves.

• We feel hopeless or afraid.

• We do not feel deserving.

Each of these could be fully covered in a separate article, and each can entail a lot of personal exploration. (For today, we’ll focus on one illustration that can apply to a range of issues.)

Some challenges on this list may be easier for some people to overcome than others, and some take time and support to address.

It may be helpful to pinpoint what is in the way for you, for a given matter (or matters) that you are tolerating.

Until we decide we will not tolerate it, nothing changes

No matter the issue, and no matter the reason, change will only happen when we decide we are ready for things to change. We are ready to take action.

What does it take to make a change?

• Setting new standards.

• Deciding that you are worthy (of respect, of not being taken advantage of by others, of an environment that supports your wellbeing — to name but a few).

• Being willing to take a stand for what matters to you and courageously making changes.

In the case of my messy desk, being willing to make a change had been my problem. For a very long time it was more “comfortable” to continue tolerating clutter and stress.

When I set a new standard for myself, decided I deserved to feel happier and less stressed, and was willing to do what I needed to do to improve the situation, things did change.

When we are unwilling to tolerate something we find solutions

If you want to start addressing something relatively small, consider the case of my disorganized desk.

After getting help to deal with everything that was stacked on my desk — creating new folders, updating my filing approach and filling a recycle bin with papers I did not even need — I had a “clean start.”

I took the plunge and invested in an electronic tablet on which to take all of my notes by hand. I set up a system of folders on the tablet that is clear and easy for me to use. Right from the start I hardly wrote on paper at all. And for the last two weeks my desk has remained clear!

After the first week I realized that another layer of process was needed: to extract action-items, and suggested resources to follow-up on, from meeting notes. (There are no longer page flags on paper to signal things for follow-up, which were not very effective anyway.)

I am in the process of refining my new systems now, but I love the changes I am making. And I am asking for help to take the pressure off of feeling like I need to figure it all out, perfectly, myself.

My daily work experience makes me so much happier now, and that translates to getting more done with ease.

What one small thing are you ready to stop tolerating now?

I always recommend that people start by making a small change before tackling big ones.

Is there something that’s come to mind that you want to stop tolerating?

Consider the reason (or reasons) you have continued to tolerate the matter.

Next, look back at the things noted above that will support you to make a change, and consider what steps you can take.

Why not start today — even if that means simply brainstorming options, or deciding who can help you, or reminding yourself that you deserve this and can do it, or researching helpful resources?

Starting is key. Then take another small step.

Once you are in action, you will gain momentum. And when you have decluttered the physical or emotional matter (in a single day or over a longer span of time), you will have done something great for yourself.

The next time you are ready to make a change, you will have a foundation of success to build on. And you will feel able to tackle something bigger, if and when necessary.

I would be happy to hear about the changes you bring into your life when you decide there are things you are no longer willing to tolerate. Leave a comment or email me.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What choices will you make today?

Considering how much accomplished people like us do each day, and considering the demands on our time and attention — from work matters, to family responsibilities, to concerns about world events — it’s no wonder that many of us feel stressed.

It’s easy to feel pulled in many directions as we move through each day. It can feel like trying to juggle too many balls at once.

This state of being can be exhausting. And sometimes it feels like there's no way to avoid the pressure.

Yet, there is an alternative to living with stress.

You always get to choose

While many pressures may feel beyond your control, the truth is that we always have choices, and we get to choose.

Here are three ways you can do that.

1. You can choose your frame of mind

This is a big opportunity, and one that many people never consider.

It may feel like an automatic response to be overwhelmed when there’s a lot going on, or demands are being made of us. We tend to approach everything with overwhelmed energy.

In fact, you can choose the way you respond.

You can choose to slow down.

You can choose to breathe with intention.

You can choose to be thoughtful, and to move forward calmly.

You can choose to be optimistic. You can choose to be supportive. You can choose to bring humor to the moment.

The energy you bring into any conversation or effort impacts the outcome you will experience.

What frame of mind and energy do you want to choose right now?

2. You can choose to be curious

Rather than jumping to judgement — of yourself or others — when things do not go as you wish, you can choose to be open, observant and curious.

Making the choice to observe and be curious entails slowing down. A benefit of slowing down is that you can think a bit and create your next step forward or your response, rather that reacting in the heat of the moment.

Curiosity can inspire you to ask great questions.

You might ask,

Why are things happening as they are?

What if I/we try a new approached to see what happens?

What might be possible that I never considered?

Questions like these put you on a path of discovery.

What can you consider with curiosity today?

3. You can choose relationships that make you happy

While there may be difficult people in your life with whom you must be connected, there are many people you can intentionally choose to include, or not include.

You get to choose to spend time with people who show up with positive energy.

And you get to minimize or end connections to people who are negative, harsh, critical, angry, or unkind. (I know this may sound hard to do, particularly if you are a people-pleaser, but it can be done.)

“Toxic” relationships take a toll on us.

Why not choose to surround yourself with people who show up with joy, love, fun and optimism? (And why not choose to minimize time with those who drain your energy, even as you must stay connected?)

This is a great time to make a list of people with whom you want to spend more time, and those you want to see less of — or stop seeing.

When you choose with intention, you create the life you want

I hope you feel inspired to bring awareness to how you use your energy each day.

Will you choose to be positive?

Consider your outlook and choose a bright one. Consider opportunities to be curious and explore. And consider being with people who will buoy your spirits. 

When all of us tap into positive energy this way we bring our best selves to everything we do. We have the biggest impact because we live more of our greatness. 

Your life will be enriched, and the world will benefit.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to stay strong now

We are living day by day in the midst of troubling world events.

We have been especially challenged for the last two years, and life always includes challenges. Now, the invasion in Ukraine fills us with deep pain and concern.

We need strength

Truthfully, we always need strength. We need strength to cope with challenges related to health matters, strained relationships, loss and grief, financial pressures, uncertainty, and a host of small daily issues that can knock us off course.

And in this moment, we especially need to find strength — for ourselves, for each other, and to send into the world to support people everywhere who are at risk.

How to find strength

When we are stressed, connecting to our strength may feel difficult. This process may help you:

1. Connect to your emotions.

When you slow down and identify what you are feeling, you have awareness of your current state. Rather than pushing these emotions down, allow yourself to name them and feel them.

(You may want to check out the article I wrote last week, where I shared great ways to give difficult emotions an outlet.)

2. Create calm.

Getting still and quiet allows you to breathe with intension and calm your system.

You may want to place your hands on your heart and imagine your heart breathing in love on each inhale. With each exhale, allow yourself to release tension, as you consciously relax your body.

(You can do this for as little as a single minute, you can quietly breath calmly for longer stretches, and you can pause and create calm multiple times in your day.)

3. Try using the Discovery Dozen™ exercise.

If you have my book, you are familiar with this great tool, that can be used in many ways.

The Discovery Dozen structure is simple. It begins with creating a fill-in-the-blank sentence. You then complete the sentence 12 times, each time with a different ending. The key is to write quickly and not edit yourself.

Try this one.

First jot down a challenging emotion you identified (or pick one, if several came up for you). Now you are ready to construct your Discovery Dozen sentence. Write it at the top of the page:

To find my strength in spite of feeling [your emotion], I ____________ .

Quickly complete that sentence 12 times. (You can number 1 through 12 down the side of the page to make it easy to write quickly without pausing to count.)

For example, your completed sentences might say:

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I can remind myself of times I bravely stood up for myself.

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I can remember I am not in danger right now.

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I will find organizations to support, to help others.

You can make more Discovery Dozen sentences, to explore other dimensions of strength. Consider these possibilities:

I feel strong when _____________ .

When I feel strong I can/ I know/ _____________ .

To help others feel strong I can _____________ .

And feel free to make your own Discovery Dozen sentences, to both explore questions and generate ideas.

Couple strength with love

Strength takes many forms — some obvious, some bold, some subtle.

Your Discovery Dozen sentences may have illuminated many kinds of strength, that can be leveraged in many ways.

And when strength is matched with love, the impact can be astounding.

If we all support ourselves and each other with love and strength we can have more impact that you might imagine.

We can believe in the power of each person to hold, share, and send love.

We can commit to taking action — in many forms — rather than sitting by in distress. (One great idea is to make purchases of digital products from Ukrainian artists on Etsy, or tell them not to fulfill tangle product orders and keep the funds. Etsy is not charging Ukrainian artists service fees.)

We can hold the highest energetic vibration of love and send it to those in need of support anywhere on the globe, and those working to broker peace.

We can pray together, believing in the forces of love, light, and courage, and that this collective energetic force can impact the course of the conflict.

In these ways we can contribute to better outcomes, as we also support our own wellbeing.

When we stay strong and keep loving. we can help to create a better world.

A simple question can change your life

Questions open our thinking. Of course there are many kinds of questions, and asking them can lead to many kinds of outcomes.

Let’s consider a very simple question, and how powerful the impact can be when we use it.

What if...?

“What if?” never fails to be a good question.

It opens your thinking to considering all sorts of possibilities, and it’s wonderful because it does that without making you feel pressured.

Something I especially love is that “What if?” questions also open the door to broad and creative thinking.

Let’s test a great “What if?” question

You can use the “What if?” question in countless ways, and the answers can be revelatory and wide-ranging.

I especially love this particular “What if?” question, and the many ways it can be extended:

What if you trusted?

Ponder that a moment. This is a big question that is worth turning over in your mind.

Next, move on to considering these variations. See what shows up for you.

What if you trusted yourself?

Can you imagine not second-guessing yourself? Can you envision living with trust in yourself and rather than with doubt? What if you could live without fear of making mistakes, or failing?

What if you trusted your heart?

What would your life be like if you connected to the desires in your heart — what you want — and felt deserving of those desires, and honored them? What if you also honored the passions in your heart?

What if you trusted your intuition?

Of course, that begins with hearing intuitive messages. Many of us hear these whispers (and shouts) and push them aside or override them. What would change if you trusted those nuggets of wisdom?

What if you trusted that you can move forward every day, and adjust and course-correct as needed?

This takes us back to the question of trusting yourself, but gets more specific. Can you imagine being focused and intentional, and also flexible and creative when things do not go as you expected, or new obstacles show up?

What if you trusted that you can get the help you need?

Many of us think we need to do everything ourselves. Many of us think that we are the only ones who can do things well enough, or to meet our own high standards. Many of us feel that soldiering on in spite of struggle is noble, or that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Can you imagine trusting yourself to find help, to let go of control, and to allow others to support you?

What if you trusted and believed that you have everything you need inside of you?

Can you believe and trust that you hold the answers you seek, and the ability to learn and grow and expand? Can you believe and trust that you are enough — in fact, that you are already perfect?

You may need some help to trust these ideas, and to believe you have that strength.

Can you imagine how having that trust and belief could be significant for you?

What if you trusted the universe?

I know that for many people this is a harder question, and it may feel a bit far out. I believe that we are all supported by forces much bigger than ourselves. You may call it god, divine spirit, the universe, or any of a number of other terms. Or you may think that the concept is nonsense.

I invite you to consider that we hold energy and there are energetic forces that respond to the positive or negative beliefs we hold energetically. In my experience, we get more back of whatever energy we hold and project.

When we trust that there is a universal energy force supporting us as we trust; supporting us when we believe that we are able to powerfully create in our lives; and supporting us when we believe that we can all bring our gifts and our best selves to approach each moment in our lives with agency, we can experience even greater outcomes and have bigger impacts.

Let’s all choose to trust

The collective power of all of us trusting, of all of us bringing our creative energy into our lives, and all of the good we can bring into the world from this solid foundation, is tremendous.

We can help to make this a better world in remarkable ways.

The first circle of impact we can have is with the people closest to us — our family members, friends, and our coworkers, colleagues and clients.

We also impact our communities — our neighbors and people in organizations we are part of. The impact can expand to our towns and cities and wider circles from there.

We may or may not see tangible evidence of this impact. The ripple effects touch people who touch others, and this is how we are the catalyst for meaningful change.

And that change extends to the broader world.

Goodness knows we need to bring as much positive energy as possible now to being a collective force for good, and for bold action in support of peace and justice and safety for all.

Please join me in the intention to unlock all of our creative power, to trust and tap our inner wisdom, and to bring strength to living our biggest, best lives. Those efforts will have a positive impact on those around us, and the impact will expand exponentially.

I deeply trust the potential of our collective efforts. Thank you for joining me.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

The truth about forgiveness

Who among us hasn’t dealt with the issues of resentment and forgiveness?

When our feelings are hurt, it stings.

And when we experience more serious situations — where we feel deeply hurt or wronged — pain, resentment and anger are among the emotions that can grip us.

We can be upset about something that feels unjust that has happened to us.

We can be upset on behalf of someone about whom we care deeply.

We can even be upset on behalf of people we do not know, but for whom we feel tremendous empathy — such as a class of mistreated people, or those who are victims of cruelty.

How to cope with the pressure of resentment

Resentment brings on emotions that feel justified. If we keep them pent up, it often feels like tension is building inside, and that is an awful sensation.

But it does not have to be that way for long.

Allow yourself to feel all the emotion.

It’s important to acknowledge what you are feeling, and feel it all, without fear of the strong emotion. You can feel safe to feel it all if you don’t sit endlessly in the emotion and allow it to smolder or grow.

Here’s how to keep that from happening:

Give the emotion you feel an outlet.

You might journal about the anger or pain or bitterness you feel, or stomp it out on a walk in the woods.

Maybe you'll make a hideous picture of the anger, to wring the emotion out of your system.

Maybe you will turn up harsh music and dance out what is burdening you, until you feel spent.

Find what works for you, and know that any of these approaches will help free you of the emotional load of those heavy feelings.

Now you can consider forgiveness

Forgiving someone used to feel nearly impossible for me. It was not a problem for small slights or hurts, but when someone behaved in a way that had a deep negative impact for me, I was unable to imagine being able to forgive them.

This was modeled for me growing up. There were stories in my family about people who held onto grievances for years. And I witnessed some examples of that myself.

I wanted that division and bitterness to end, rather than continue to be a family trait. And yet, I personally struggled to be able to forgive. I could not forget what felt so painful, so how could I forgive?

At that time, I did not have tools or insights to help me, as I do now. Pain and resentment and bitterness lingered and festered, before I learned the ways to release the negative energy that I described above.

And then I learned more about forgiveness.

I learned that when when I felt unable to forgive, I was primarily hurting myself. That was a huge insight for me.

And when a wise person told me it was not necessary to forget in order to be able to forgive — and that I did need to excuse the person for the matter that hurt so much — the doors to healing opened for me.

I made the choice to forgive.

I realized that the prolonged suffering — that I felt, and that the other party apparently felt — was doing nothing to rectify the issue that set the chain of pain in motion.

I did not ask for or feel the need for an apology, or any acknowledgement.

I simply moved forward with love. I said I was putting the past behind me and asked if the other party wanted to move forward that way.

I am so glad the answer was yes. And I continue to be deeply grateful that I learned this lesson when I did.

We can all step into the light

I wish I could say that I’ve never needed to forgive since that day. That is hardly the case.

I find myself faced with matters from time to time that call on me to feel and release pain and hurt, and then forgive.

Sometimes I address the matter directly, as happened years back. Sometimes I make a private decision to forgive and move forward.

In both situations, I make the choice to live with love as my guiding force — for myself and the party I forgive.

I envision myself standing in the light of that love, at the highest energetic vibration I can feel. That energy keeps me moving forward, free from the weight of pain or resentment.

I believe that in time (and sometimes it takes more time than others), the love and the light I feel will be felt by the person I send it to.

So far, the evidence has been clear, and I trust that as I continue to forgive with love, I will see the same outcomes.

Are you ready to give yourself this gift?

If you are holding any bitterness in your heart, I invite you to explore the practice of letting yourself feel it with awareness, and then experiment with ways to release the emotion, to give yourself a sense of palpable relief.

You may need to do this more than once to feel better. That’s fine! You will know when you feel ready to consider the next step, forgiveness.

To begin to forgive, you might simply send loving thoughts toward the person you have been upset with.

You might suggest a conversation to declare that you want to move ahead with a fresh start, and ask if they want that as well.

If that feels like too big a step to take, you might send an email and not mention anything about the old issue. You can simply suggest spending time together doing something pleasant, and see if they want to join you. Even if it takes time, you can continue to make invitations like that.

In time, you may get a “Yes.”

And until that time, you will feel lighter, and free from the burden of resentment.

That is a fabulous gift.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

Love doesn’t have to be complicated

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Maybe you (like me) are feeling tired of the way the focus on love feels commercialized, manipulative and superficial in our culture.

Perhaps you are cynical about love, or feel it is missing or lacking in your life, or you doubt its importance.

Perhaps you crave more love, in any of the ways it can touch your heart.

What if you simply let yourself feel love?

We spend so much time living in our heads.

It’s when we choose not to think so much and drop into our hearts and our bodies, that we have the opportunity to get to the pure essence of love, and experience it in ways that fill us with delight.

Try this simple practice and see what happens:

Spend 3 minutes of quiet and connect to your heart.

You might set a timer, or just choose to sit in stillness for a little while.

Cross your hands over your heart. As you breathe, feel into the energy of your heart.

Pay attention to the sensations you feel.

Ask what your heart desires.

Listen closely.

Even if you hear only whispers, the information and insights are important to honor. And if you feel an absence of insight, try sitting a bit longer. Or try again later or tomorrow.

Next — no matter what you found — actively appreciate yourself. Send love to you, for being with yourself this way, and for being the amazing person you are.

Savor the sweetness of this experience.

This process is a way you can experience and cultivate self-love. Even if it feels subtle, it can be more powerful than you may imagine.

And the more you make this practice a part of your life, the bigger the benefits will be.

Consider expanding your self-love practice.

Gaze at yourself in the mirror each morning and smile warmly at you!

Focus on treating yourself to experiences that delight you. You deserve them.

Maybe a brisk walk each morning makes you feel alive and excited for your day. Make that a priority!

Maybe preparing clean healthy foods makes you feel great. Plan your day so there is ample time for that preparation, as well as savoring the food you cook.

Maybe adding a new color to your environment will lift your spirits each day. How can you bring in a splash of that color, perhaps with a throw pillow, or by painting an accent wall in a space you use a lot? Maybe you will choose to wear that color more.

Maybe visiting galleries or museums lights you up, or music stirs your heart. Make inspiration dates to bring joy like that into your life.

You will effortlessly begin to spread more love.

When we are filled with love for ourselves we can spread love to others with ease and joy. We naturally feel more affection and connection to everyone around us.

The expression of this loving energy can show up as smiling more at people (even strangers), expressing appreciation, and engaging in small acts of kindness.

And, at times when you might have typically felt annoyed or frustrated or angry with someone (friends or strangers), you may instead find yourself able to send them loving thoughts, or wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt.

When you spread loving energy — even wordlessly — you support your own wellbeing, and often shift the energy in the person or people around you in ways you cannot perceive.

The power of love can change your life.

Last week I was honored to lead a remarkable group of women for three days of deep work, infused by love, at my winter Live Big Live! retreat.

We began the journey 45 days before the retreat. We came together and dove deep into shaping visions for the future that were rooted in knowing that comes from a deep connection to the heart.

Love was the foundation for everything we did. Love infused each experience included in the program, that culminated in so many big outcomes.

Each woman connected to ways to cultivate self-love that had deep meaning for her. They each unabashedly honored themselves and their gifts, and claimed the desires in their hearts. They were able to step into honoring those desires, and begin to take concrete steps to make them their reality.

Shifts like this cannot happen in an instant. Practice is needed, and over the weeks and at the retreat, we practiced together.

With a foundation of self-love, each of the women naturally supported the others with tremendous love. The energetic connections were palpable and powerful.

Even without deep immersion and guidance, you can bring the power of love into your life in bigger ways than ever.

I invite you to start with the practice described above, and expand it as you feel inspired.

You will reap beautiful rewards.

If you wish to share your experience, or have questions, I would be happy to hear from you.

Email me to let me know how this resonates for you.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

These 3 questions may wake up your heart

Last week I had the privilege of spending four inspiring days doing deep personal work. I shared the experience with an amazing group of people, led by my remarkable coach, Michelle Villalobos.

Michelle is a business coach. I initially wanted her help to build my coaching practice, and she has certainly helped me do that. But the reason I continue to work with her is that she is on a path of doing her own deep work. She is focused on being — on who she is and how she shows up in her life — and she is a fearless explorer of this territory. She brings what she is learning into the lives of her clients.

If you have read my book, you know how aligned Michelle and I are about the importance of focusing on who we are becoming and how we show up in the world. We both believe that this is the key to being a leader in your life, which then makes it easier to build a great business — or do anything else you set out to do.

To impact the world with your gifts you need to start with the inside work.

What I dove into last week

The theme of our retreat was big: creating the new. As you can imagine, this was immensely meaningful for me. We explored how we create, what each person’s ideas are for the new they want to create, and what it will take, personally, for each of us to audaciously create in ways that will have a tremendous impact.

This was intense work, but there was also play!

I loved experiencing an afternoon of freedom, fun and laughter as I allowed myself to create with crazy materials, fueled by great music. I let go of concern about making something “good” and drew from my intuition without overthinking. It was liberating and I loved my imperfect finished piece.

And I loved watching people, some of whom had not made art since they were kids, and many who declared they did not consider themselves creative, allowing themselves to relax, play freely, and make amazing works. I witnessed joy as they shared, many claiming that they loved what they made and loved their new beliefs about themselves.

Why community is important

Magic happens when people gather this way. We learn from one another and inspire one another. The time away from “real life” gives us so much to bring back and apply to the work we do. And it supports us to each live with more awareness and intention.

3 questions you can ask yourself now

As I integrate the powerful experience I lived, I am happy to share several questions I was asked to answer. Perhaps they will be helpful and enlightening for you.

1. What can you let go of now to open the way to living your biggest, most promising life?

You might chose to let go of doubt, or perfectionism, or fear, or an old story that does not serve you — or any other limitation you want to release.

2. What power, within you, do you want to claim?

You might want to claim courage, or conviction, or passion for a cause, to name a few possibilities.

3. What new quality or project or mission do you yearn to bring into being, that will make an impact on your own life, and by extension can impact the world around you?

This question may sound daunting to ponder, but I invite you to consider that every meaningful creation you aim for — be it small or grand — can be life-changing for you, and can have ripple effects that reach beyond what you can even imagine.

Do you feel called to step into something bigger?

My work, my mission, is to unleash the untapped creative capacity inside women (and men) everywhere, so they bring all of their greatness into the world.

I am committed to using the power of love as the driving force of my work, because I know love can inspire people to embrace their full capacity to create, express and expand.

This vision inspires me every day.

And as grand as that mission sounds (and I hold a huge vision for what it will look like in the future), the growth is rooted in many small first steps.

Over and over again, what appear to be small events fuel the expansion of my mission. It’s all about having one conversation at a time.

In each connection with a woman who hears a voice inside (that may be whispering or may be shouting) that she is ready to let go of what is in her way; that she wants to find, claim and leverage her power; and that she wants to usher in something new and important to create a brighter future, a connection is made. And there is a possibility that we may be aligned.

When there is alignment, when we both believe that my support can help a woman to stop living small and step into creating her biggest life, there is true magic. Nothing is more gratifying for me than to usher in greatness and set ripple effects into motion.

And when a group of great women embark on the work with me, the power of the community accelerates the growth of each individual!

Taking a small first step can be your portal to a big future

If you feel called to take a big step up in your life, let’s make a date to talk soon. Simply email me and we’ll make that happen.

There may be alignment, or not, but one things is certain: It will be a meaningful conversation that will have an impact in your life.

And that aligns perfectly for me.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

Why clarity matters (and how to find it)

So many of us push. We strive. We buy into the notion of needing to “crush our goals.”

That language is like having a whip lashing at us, pushing us to constantly work harder, move faster, and do more.

That energy is exhausting. It makes you feel like you can never do enough. And it is often counter-productive.

What if you are enough right now?

What if you simply need to let yourself shine?

What if you trust yourself to be fully present and authentic, to share your wisdom and passion with grace and confidence?

What if you are clear about what you want, what you believe, what matters, and stay present to that?

Imagine how different it would feel compared to struggling under the self-imposed (and culturally-imposed) pressure so many of us endure.

And imagine how differently your ideas and words would be received.

When you have clarity all of this is possible

My journey has taught me so much, and I am grateful to be able to share what I have learned with so many great women with whom I work.

Here’s a case that illustrates a lot.

On Sunday, I led my Dream Big Vision-Board Workshop, and was blown away by the remarkable women who joined me. They showed up wanting to create a vision for a fabulous year, and dove deep.

What most moved me was seeing each of them get focused and clear about who they want to become to live the lives they long for. Because everything begins with the way we show up in our lives.

From there they were able to identify what they want to do that really matters to them, and what they want to have to make their lives exciting, meaningful and rewarding.

As often happens, surprises showed up along the way.

New desires and priorities emerged for some as they found clarity. New foundations became clear, such as the insight that being surrounded by the beauty of nature, color, or flowers would fill several of them with joy, and thus enable them to show up and truly shine in many areas of their lives.

They are all excited about living into the visions they created and made visual in the workshop!

What clarity really means, and what it does

When you connect to desire that is rooted in your heart, you have natural fuel for commitment to take action.

I have observed over and over in the years I have led this workshop and coached, that excitement, and belief in what is possible, are byproducts of true clarity.

In combination, they lead you to making meaningful progress.

Experiencing the progress that you are motivated to bring into your life feels great. And it builds confidence. That confidence inspires continued action, and momentum builds.

That’s how a positive energetic cycle is established, and great things are manifested in women’s lives.

A life fueled by positive energy is possible for you

You may be reading this and think you are far from having clarity and all the good outcomes that can follow.

The truth is, we can all start from wherever we are. That’s what I did not so long ago, and I now guide women to do that every day.

Even if you are figuring things out, feel challenged to identify your true desires, are in the midst of building a base of knowledge and experience, or trying to get clear about the direction you want to pursue, you can grow and thrive without the onerous push we are so often encouraged to embrace.

Guidance is available

Being able to create and sustain a life fueled by positive energy entails more than attending one workshop or reading one book, or listening to a good podcast here and there.

Finding clarity and then shifting into living in new ways is not a one-and-done exercise. And true transformation takes time.

The smoothest path to the life you dream of is to have support — the support of a coach and the support of other great women who are on a similar path.

Once you start it won’t be long before you find yourself shining brightly, as you step into creating the future you desire.

I invite you to schedule a time for us to talk about the dreams and desires you have, and how you can live a life that is fueled by clarity, enthusiasm and positivity with less push, exhaustion and frustration. Maybe my Live Big Live! program will offer the support you need, or an upcoming workshop will get you started.

Email me and I'll send you a link to my calendar. (There’s no cost or obligation for us to meet, but I offer only a limited number of calls each month. So reach out soon.)

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

Do you dare to dream bigger?

We are well into the first month of 2022. I hear people everywhere talking about the goals they’ve set, or that they are considering for the year, and that’s great.

And, I suggest that there’s a bigger question that’s important to ask now. (It’s one I have been focusing on myself.)

How you are showing up in your life?

How we each show up is the single factor that will most impact the outcomes we’ll look back on at the end of the year.

At a wonderful retreat I attended at the start of the year, I spent three days in deep, quiet reflection about the year past, and setting clear intentions for the year ahead.

This was remarkably special because I would not have carved out the time to do this on my own — nor would I have thought to structure the process as beautifully as my dear friend and mentor Peleg Top designed the experience.

Here are the two questions that kept coming to mind for me, as I moved through those days:

How I have been showing up in my life?

How do I want to show up this year?

These are big and important questions, and I invite you to consider them for yourself.

I also asked myself:

If I choose to show up with more courage, determined to reach new heights, how big do I dare to dream?

And, I added:

What will it take for me to dream big?

This brought me to considering two more questions:

How much can I trust — myself and the universe?

How much support is available, and from whom — to keep my mindset strong, to tend to my health, to take care of the many small tasks that keep me busy but rob me of time to do what only I can do, and more?

I invite you to do some big dreaming and big thinking

Having considered some of the questions I posed above, continue to reflect and explore.

You may want to take a fresh look at the goals you’ve set or the resolutions you have made.

Have you aimed low, or put a cap on how much you dared to go for?

What would it look like to end the year thrilled with something you made real by dreaming even a little bigger than you dared to up to now?

Next, think about who you want and need to BE to step up and live your biggest life.

Will you aim to be bolder? More confident? Clearer about what is right for you to enable you to stay aligned with your values?

With this clarity you can focus on becoming the person who can live her dreams.

Each of our big dreams will be different

For some, it will look like setting good boundaries and honoring themselves by making time for quiet, pursuing a long-dormant passion, or repairing a relationship.

For some it will mean striking out in a bold new direction, or making a change they long for in their career.

For some it will look like vitality of body and mind.

The possibilities are vast.

My dream is to show up as I never have before

I intend to speak on bigger stages to spread the messages I am passionate about, and work with more great women to help them step into their power, so people everywhere create their biggest lives.

My dream is to show up in my studio and paint boldly, so I feel free and fully expressed.

My dream includes completing a project that is in its earliest stages now, that will provide a tangible way for people to learn to live big and create as never before. I do not know the final form for this yet, but I know it is becoming what it’s meant to be, and I am excited about developing it.

And my dream includes a world that is healed by legions of people living their biggest dreams, each in their own important way. By playing even a small part to make that happen, I will be thrilled.

Are you ready to dream bigger?

If something inside of you knows this is the time to step into more of your power, to make your important dreams a reality, let’s get on a call.

Email me and we’ll make a date to talk about your big dreams, what is limiting you now, and what is possible.

These calls are one way I support great women to live big — whether they choose to join one of my programs or not. (There's no obligation or cost for us to have a call, but I limit the number of calls I schedule each week.)

My dream is for you to truly Live Big! I look forward our conversation.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.