Inspiration may be waiting for you in unexpected places

Have you ever lost track of time — not for hours, but for days?

That’s what happened to me this week. (And that is why this post is appearing later than usual.)

During COVID, when we were all endlessly confined within the same four walls, it was common to lose track of what day it was. 

On vacation we sometimes lose track of the days as we experience new places and have new experiences — or simply slow down to rest and reset.

And sometimes you have an experience that is so compelling that you are fully absorbed and stop paying attention to what day it is.

Great opportunities often come as a surprise

Last week I left Boston to fly to Nashville for the annual conference of the National Speakers Association, Influence. It was my first time at Influence, and to be honest, I was not all that excited about going.

I have had a busier-than-usual string of weeks, and the idea of getting on another plane, being away from my family, and facing the back-log that I knew would await me upon my return, had me wondering if I ought to skip it.

Having launched my speaking career when my book was published in early 2020, I have mostly spoken to virtual audiences (and was grateful to do so during the pandemic). When I’d registered for the conference, I had hopes that it would be informative and worthwhile. 

What I did not foresee as I packed and departed was the tremendous experience that awaited me. My experience at Influence was powerful right from the start.

People welcomed me as a newcomer, and were wonderfully generous. The speakers and topics were fantastic. Their styles and subjects included humor, inspiration, personal and moving stories, courage, creativity, provocative and erudite ideas, and practical wisdom.

The joy of being fully present

I found myself fully drawn to all of my experiences.

In addition to the stage presentations there were personal conversations with people I have never met, and with whom I am excited to remain connected. Some of the people I met are quite prominent and some were first-time attendees like me.

I soaked in the energy, enthusiasm and knowledge of brilliant people who are passionate about making this a better world, each time they have the privilege to address audiences from the stage.

Being fully present made time fly, and the days blurred. I allowed myself to feel and process it all, and was excited to envision how my future as a speaker can take shape.   

Where can you create possibilities for deep immersion this summer? 

We can always look for opportunities that will enrich and inspire us.

When you are curious and explore, you may not be fortunate enough to hit the jackpot every time, but you increase the odds of finding yourself in the midst of a heart- and mind- and eye-opening situation or event.

When that happens, allow yourself to be fully present — whether you feel refreshed or tired at the start. Let yourself be transported in exciting and unexpected ways.

I invite you to look for inspiration this summer, and share your experiences, too. Let’s all enrich one another and keep the vibrant energy expanding.

Let’s take these 3 steps together

I hope your holiday weekend was a happy one.

Perhaps, like me, you spent time with people you love, and yet your feelings about celebrating our country’s independence felt more sober this year.

Did you, too, find yourself reflecting on the meaning of independence and freedom with a heavy heart?

I have written about our relationship to freedom before. You may want to read How free do you feel?, that I wrote in July 2021. And 2 years ago my topic was Is your definition of freedom too small?

We cannot take freedom for granted

Freedoms that many of us long took as a given are now gone, and more are in danger.

This can make us feel powerless — a subject I wrote about last week. I included a list of ways we can each use our power now, that you may want to look over.

I believe that taking action is the path to the changes so many of us want to see.

Where and how to start

1. Begin with awareness of your energy

Taking meaningful action begins with our state of mind. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes — and, yes, sustaining positive thoughts can feel challenging in times like these.

I invite you to consider the energy you cultivate and bring to your days. As my mentor often reminds me, the energy from which you create (anything) impacts the outcomes you experience.

Practices like these will support you to sustain positive energy, and will impact everything you do.

• Start (or expand) a daily gratitude practice.

• Get ample rest and nourish your body.

• Focus on love. Embrace kindness and compassion.

• Spend time outdoors. Nature is a natural healer.

• Look for wonder all around you. (It’s always there!)

• Notice if you slip into negativity and actively reframe your thoughts.

Positive energy generates more positive energy! The people around you will feel it, and be attracted to it, and a great expanding cycle is set in motion.

2. Consider the people with whom you spend time

We are social creatures, and the people with whom we spend time have a great influence on our state of mind.

Are you surrounding yourself with, or tolerating, people who are bitter, angry, or dour?

Do you actively choose to be with people who are uplifting and inspiring?

When you choose to surround yourself with people who exude positive energy, who are creative thinkers, and who look for opportunities to take meaningful action that aligns with your values, you boost your energy. And, you amplify the impact of your shared efforts, which in turn engages more like-minded people.

And while many of us must interact with people who see the world through a negative filter, appreciate that those interactions can be managed with careful thought and by setting healthy boundaries.

3. Lead the way

Most of us are inclined to sit back and wait for others to lead us.

I believe we all have the opportunity to be leaders now.

Some people will organize efforts on a grand scale, and that is great. We benefit when individuals and organizations bring people and resources together to create collective action at scale.

We can contribute to those large efforts. Each person who shows up to march, writes a check, makes a call, or writes a postcard adds to the positive outcomes that are possible.

And consider this.

Many people fail to appreciate that all of us can take action to lead in small and powerful ways — each day.

In our conversations, in speaking up when we might typically stay silent, in inviting people to be engaged and collaborate, we have power.

Stepping into your power and speaking your truth are key ways you Live Big. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes to live and lead that way.

Please join me

I believe that in this moment we are being called to use our power to restore and expand liberty.

While it will take time and commitment, we can build a society that is just for all, where all can exercise freedom.

Let’s be creators of change and lead together.

How to harness your power now

Today I am thinking about power, and about feeling powerless.

We have enormous personal power — even if it is not unlimited.

I strive to connect to my personal power each day, and I support my clients to embrace and step into their power.

That may be the the most fundamental way we live big.

What does personal power look like?

We claim our power when we show up fully and authentically. We are able to be vulnerable. We show the world who we are, without fear of judgment.

We claim our power when we identify, and then commit to living our values.

We connect to our truth by slowing down and going deep into our hearts. We then speak our truth without second-guessing ourselves.

We live with love as the driver, letting love inform all of our decisions, actions, and interactions.

We take bold action — even when we do so quietly.

We create the best next step to take all day, every day — even when our options are limited or look bleak.

In all of these ways, we exercise personal power.

Our personal power can be put to the test

The Supreme Court decision last week has taken away the right to abortion for millions of people in our country. We knew it was coming. And yet when the news of the ruling arrived, and as we have started to closely look at the way it was written, many of us feel shock and fear.

This is unjust, and contrary to the way the majority of Americans feel about this crucial right.

Add to that the prospect of losing other rights that we have had for years and decades, stripping us of liberty and choice. This compounds the emotions of anger, dread, fear and powerlessness that many of us are processing.

We are being robbed of personal power to make life-changing decisions about our bodies and our futures.

Many are struggling to know what to do.

What can we do when we feel powerless?

Start with creating a foundation that will support you.

1. Feel the emotions

Strong emotions can feel frightening. Whether the fear or anger are so intense you are concerned they may explode, or you are inclined to push the emotions away because they are so big, I invite you to sit with what you feel. Do some writing. Walk out tension in nature. Draw the feelings you feel, or dance the emotions out to music that will move them through you.

Some way of “exercising” your emotions will help you to make your best decisions about what to do next.

2. Speak with like-minded people

This is not the time to isolate yourself. When you engage with others new ideas and possibilities come more quickly. As well, the possibilities of positive action are greater when we collaborate with others.

3. Learn all you can

It is important to be fully informed about the impact of the ruling and related issues — the real toll, the real risks, to real lives.

Next, marshal all of the power at your disposal.

Specific ways we can use our power now

If you share my views in this moment, I invite you to consider these ways to use your power now.

• We each have the power to support candidates for office whose values align with your own. That support can include financial donations, phone banks, postcard campaigns, and more.

• We each have the power to identify candidates who stand for the liberties we believe are the right of every citizen.

• We each have the power to help elect such candidates to local, state and national offices.

• In addition to our power to vote, we have the power to help like-minded people everywhere get mobilized to vote, and help to get them to the polls on election days — in our towns, cities and states, and in locations across the country.

• We each have the power to use our voices, in one-on-one conversations, at rallies, and on many platforms where we connect to others. (This inspiring article shows what one artist created to help people do that in great numbers.)

• We each have the power to support organizations that are focused on helping women to safely access abortion care — especially if they must travel to get that care.

We can all take action and create change

Our collective power has proven to be formidable in the past, and can be now.

We must take action on many fronts.

None of us has to do it all, and we certainly are stronger together than when we act alone.

We can prepare ourselves emotionally, commit to playing our part, and find people and organizations with whom to partner. Together our action will lead to solutions.

As we look ahead to the holiday weekend when we will celebrate the birth of our nation and the liberty it promised, we are aware that liberty was not declared for all when the Declaration of Independence was drafted. As a result of dedicated effort, some gaps were filled over time.

A most important liberty has now been taken away, and this decision is cruelly aimed at women.

We are being called to use our power and stand for personal liberty for all.

Let’s stand together.

Something worth celebrating that you may be skipping

We just ended a weekend when we celebrated Father’s Day and Juneteenth.

While these are two distinct focal points of celebration, I think and talk a lot about the importance of celebration in our lives.

Why?

When we celebrate we take the time to pay attention.

We focus on people, events or things that are positive.

And as we honor or venerate the person, event, or other focal point of the celebration, we lift our own spirits.

This creates positive energy, and when filled with positive energy we are able to generate more of it.

Celebration is a multifaceted gift we can give to both others and ourselves!

Let’s explore some specific kinds of celebration

Father’s Day

Honoring a parent is sacred. While this day can bring on a range of emotions, the essence of the holiday is beautiful. For many it is a day of joy, as they bestow love on fathers, grandfathers, grown children who are now fathers, fathers now gone, and father-figures. When we bring our focus to them, we are often able to see them with new and clearer perspective.

Juneteenth

This holiday provides us with a markedly different experience of celebration. We commemorate the true story of freedom from enslavement, about which, sadly, many people have been unaware until recently. While it is special to celebrate this meaningful event, the sacred celebration also opens our hearts. It inspires us to learn more, and to work together for true freedom.

Life events — birthdays, anniversaries, graduations

These celebrations pop up throughout the year and sprinkle delight into our lives. Marking the passage of time and major life milestones is often moving. We sit back, reflect, gain perspective, and have special opportunities to have fun with people we love. While there can be bittersweet moments, these celebrations are often full of happiness — and who does not want more happiness in their lives?

Personal triumphs (even the small ones!)

This is the category that many of us fail to fully embrace. One of my missions is to teach people the importance of celebrating ourselves!

When you give yourself a “Yay Me” for something small (like reaching out to someone new or sticking with a positive habit), to something big (like getting a promotion), you show yourself love. These are expressions of self-love.

(Here’s a list of articles related to self-love that I have written. This one specifically talks about “Yay Me’s”.)

And when you practice self-love you give yourself a small hit of dopamine — a neurotransmitter that boosts the “reward center” in your brain. This chemical reaction is surprisingly potent and makes you feel wonderful.

So why don’t we give ourselves “Yay Me’s” more often?

Most of us minimize our accomplishments. We fail to acknowledge and celebrate ourselves, often looking for external validation. And even when others do praise us, many of us find it hard to receive the praise.

Let’s change that starting today!

Take the celebration challenge!

I have cultivated a “Yay Me“ practice, and I encourage my clients to build them. I invite you to join us.

Last week I was able to give myself a few important “Yay Me’s”.

I spoke live at a wonderful conference and I enrolled brilliant clients. Those are can’t miss events, and hard to minimize.

I am especially proud that I also celebrated myself for things I would have let slip by unacknowledged before I was so aware of their importance.

For instance, I skipped a gathering I was looking forward to attending to give myself extra rest after a few days of tiring travel and early starts. My body was so grateful I made that choice, and the “Yay Me” I gave myself was the icing on the cake.

How many “Yay Me’s” can you give yourself today?

Can you give yourself at least one “Yay Me” each day for the next week? The next month?

Maybe you’ll start keeping a “Yay Me” journal, or create a record on your phone to track them!

Please share your progress, and your specific “Yay Me’s” if you wish. I’d also love to know how it feels to declare them.

And if you want to share your vision for life filled with more “Yay Me’s” and your questions about how to create it, email me and we can make a date to talk.

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Are you missing the magic?

Have you ever stopped to consider what it’s like to go it alone, compared to traveling through challenges with others

There are many reasons we opt to venture on our own, when having support around us can make things easier.

Some of us take pride in the satisfaction of doing things by ourselves. Some of us resist asking for help, thinking it shows we are not capable on our own. Or we feel we should do things on our own. Others feel doing things their way is always the best way.

For many years I never asked for help. All of the reasons noted above played into my insistence on doing things myself.

What happens when you have help and support

What I have learned time and again, is that we are all stronger, and benefit in countless ways, when we seek out and surround ourselves with loving help.

The coaches, the healers, and the network of fellow travellers with whom I have ventured in recent years have had an enormous influence on the quality of my life, the work I do, and the pace at which I have been able to make great changes.

And last week I witnessed the power of a group in a remarkable way.

This is what happened

Seven exceptional women joined me for the 3-day Live Big Live! spring retreat, that concluded on Saturday.

Each of these women is accomplished. They are leaders. They impact the world with the work they do.

And they — and I — experienced the great results of having the support of a wonderful group, rather than being a solo traveler through life.

This is what it looked liked.

Each woman was guided to go deep into her heart to gain clarity about her vision for the months and year ahead; to identify what limits her and learn to overcome old stories and habits; and to make a plan for how she will live into her vision. This journey is richly rewarding, but it can bring up complex emotions.

As everyone moved through a series of exercises to explore, and then articulate and creatively express the components of their visions and plans, there was laughter, and there were also some tears.

And there was a lot of sharing.

Over and over, someone in the group spoke about something, or affirmed something for someone else, that proved to be enlightening or inspirational for others around her.

Rather than feeling “alone” with an issue, it was comforting to know that the lack of clarity, or flagging confidence, or stubborn old story that’s been a hindrance, is something that others like her experience.

And sometimes a woman asked the perfect question, or had lessons or perspectives to share about working through specific issues, that proved to be just what someone else needed to hear.

When we travel together through sensitive terrain, we learn so much from one another, and others learn from us.

We also inspire one another — everyone benefits as awareness and resolve and clear expression emerge!

And as the leader of the retreat, I was able to connect many “dots” that were offered by the group, that expanded on what I know and what I teach.

All of us felt immense appreciation for the tangible magic that filled the room. By allowing ourselves to be fully present and generously open, we created the ideal conditions for profound outcomes to emerge for all.

(I hope you enjoy a glimpse of the retreat in the photos below.)

What support will you choose?

Rather than going it alone, you can have loving support to transform the life you are living today.

I would be happy to talk about the dreams you have, what gets in the way, and what is possible for you.

My help may be a fit for you, or I may have a recommendation to offer you.

It would be my pleasure to help you sort things out, so you are not alone as you begin to bring the change you yearn for into your life. Email me and we can make a date.

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy. (And

What does true devotion look like for you?

Last weekend I traveled across the country to attend the wedding of a friend who I had not seen in several years. I had never met her fiancé and was excited to celebrate with them at the long-awaited event.

It was a truly beautiful weekend, filled with joy. I loved meeting the man I’d heard so much about, and was struck by the deep devotion the couple have for one another.

I knew my friend had stood by him after a serious surgery. And I knew he had supported her through severe long-COVID. Hearing about how they had made their incredible initial connection, and the ways they have faced challenges together, demonstrated true love and remarkable devotion.

This got me thinking about devotion, and how broadly we can reflect on it.

In addition to thinking about devotion in the context of a loving relationship, we have the opportunity to think about what we bring devotion to in our lives.

To whom, and to what, are you devoted?

It’s great to think about people to whom you are devoted. These relationships are precious, whether with a partner, a family, a dear friend or other special person.

Some people are devoted to special animals who are like family to them.

I invite you to consider your devotion to other things as well.

Some of us are devoted to the work we do, while for many others, work may be comfortable, a means to an end, or worse, something that they simply endure.

Some feel devoted to:

• a calling

• a cause

• principles

• values they treasure

• their religion, or God

I invite you to bring devotion to yourself.

Have you considered how devoted you are to yourself?

Many accomplished women find themselves focused on a huge range of responsibilities — work, family, community, organizations, care of elderly relatives, and more — and lose sight of the importance of their own wellbeing.

When we sacrifice our health and wellbeing, we pay a price — and we are unable to be as effective as we want to be in every other area of our lives.

What would it look like to bring more devotion to yourself, starting today?

Might you get more rest? Eat healthier food? Make sacred time to meditate, or write in a journal, or express yourself through art, or music or dance?

Might you create space for play and fun, or time in nature?

Might you relax, read, or invite a special friend to join you for a walk?

Might you lovingly say no to a request, to be sure you honor yourself and your needs?

These are all ways to bring devotion to yourself.

Any of these expressions of devotion (or any other way you feel moved to treat to yourself as worthy of that level of care) will bring you significant benefits.

Whenever you pursue things that light you up and fuel your spirit, or that bring you joy and make you feel inspired, you are being beautifully devoted to yourself.

This is not selfish! It is a meaningful way to practice self-love.

Allow yourself to connect to your heart, and feel the kind of devotion to yourself that you feel for others.

Why not set an intention to be devoted to your wellbeing, starting today?

I predict that when you treasure yourself in this way you will experience wonderful ripple effects in your life.

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Have you tapped the treasures in your heart?

Now that the weather is mild and most of us are emerging from isolation, we are also becoming more aware of the impacts the last two years have had. All of us have experienced them to one degree or another, and in many different ways.

And, after the week of devastating news about another horrific, senseless shooting, coupled with concerns about wars, disease, and more that are ongoing, it is easy to feel stressed, despondent and even anxious.

Life can hold joys and wonders for us, even as we feel pain, sadness, and experience stress. The balance is always shifting, ebbing and flowing.

The best resource is your heart

When you connect to your heart and explore what is there, you will find treasures.

Sit in stillness and assess two things:
what you are feeling, and what you desire.

If your heart aches, it may sound counterintuitive to characterize that as a treasure. But whenever we connect to our emotions and our desires — both of which we find when we make a heart connection — we are enriched.

Being aware of and honoring our emotions enables us to be fully aware, rather than hiding from or ignoring our feelings.

Knowing what we truly want gives us a valuable compass.

Connect to the feelings you find

When assessing what you feel, you may find one clear emotion rings out, or a cocktail of several kinds of feelings in a jumble. In either case, honor what you feel.

Sadness, anger, pain or stress need to be acknowledged so you can find support and apply techniques to soften them, rather than experiencing prolonged discomfort.

Joy, love, excitement and pleasure can be celebrated, and thus can expand rather than being taken for granted or pushed aside in the midst if a busy life.

Focus on your desires

It is notable to me how many people with whom I work are not able to easily identify what they want.

They may struggle to know what they want in the moment, and feel flummoxed by the question if they are asked about what they want in terms of the direction for their life or future.

The answers lie in your heart, and can be found when you jog them loose.

One way to get clear is to do a powerful exercise with a partner that I teach in my book Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. If you have the book, you will find it on page 79.

And there is a short list of questions you can ask yourself each morning for a few days, on page 125. Use a journal to note what shows up.

Here are the questions:

• What do I want?

• What will bring me happiness, or enhance the happiness I feel in this moment?

• What does my heart yearn for now?

• What is my gut trying to tell me?

• How can I make today amazing?

These questions will open up your truths. You may even be surprised at what shows up when you answer without editing or judging the realizations.

What to do next

How to process deep difficult emotions will vary.

Often your awareness, plus journalling about the feelings, creating in any way you wish with the emotion you feel as your energetic “fuel”, or reaching out for support (from a friend or counselor) will be what you need to lighten or transform those emotions. If you continue to struggle, a consultation with your primary care physician can be a good first step to find a therapist or other help.

And when you become clear about the desires you have you can take steps toward what you want.

In the near-term, honor your desires. If you crave fresh air, make time to get outdoors. If you miss time with a particular person or group of friends, make a plan to get together. If a particular food appeals to you, enjoy it. Get accustomed to knowing what you want and feeling deserving of the things you desire.

And when you are clear about important things for you that are longer-term — perhaps related to a change in the work you do, the place you live, or a relationship, start laying the groundwork to create that reality in your life.

We have the power to be creators of the lives we want

When you are clear about what that is, and able to process and shift difficult emotions that limit you, you can take one small step followed by the next small step in the direction of your vision. Those baby steps add up and you will see that the momentum builds!

Here is a question for you:

How will you begin today?

Until next week, stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What to do when life feels out of control

Most accomplished women find that they have over-committed themselves at one time or another.

It can happen because of big demands at work, big family demands, or voluntarily taking on something big and important in addition to ongoing work and personal responsibilities.

And sometimes life happens, and things pile up despite our best efforts to keep things sane.

At other times we feel called to take on that big extra something knowing it will be demanding, because it is so important to us.

One of my clients shared that she found herself in a situation like that this week, and I recalled having been there myself.

The “extra” commitment she knowingly took on was urgent and it meant a lot to her. And then it ballooned into something even bigger, demanding even more time and energy.

The stress and exhaustion she described took me back to times I thought I would burst at the seams trying to manage way too much. I wish I had known then what I know today.

What happens when you are in over your head

In addition to witnessing stress and exhaustion, I saw that my client, a brilliant woman, felt trapped. She felt trapped by the pressure and was not able to see a way out.

A toxic combination like that can be overwhelming, and in that state it is hard to think clearly. It is also hard to make decisions that are in your best interest.

This is a form of burnout.

We think of burnout as a long-term issue that takes a big toll. But short-term periods of high stress are not to be ignored. They, too, take a significant toll.

3 steps to take when you feel overwhelmed

The first thing to go out the window when in the midst of very high stress is your ability to find your center and take care of yourself. Knowing how to find release from crushing stress is crucial.

Try these 3 ways to ground yourself:

1. Your breath is your ally

Of course we all breathe all the time. But the way you breathe can have a remarkable impact.

When stressed, you are likely to take shallow breaths as you plow through tasks.

This is the time to pause, shut the office door or find a spot to get quiet, and slowly breathe with intention. You might put your hands on your heart as you breathe deeply, filling your belly. Then exhale even more slowly. Pause and repeat.

After breathing quietly and slowly for a couple of minutes you will find yourself feeling more grounded, centered and present.

As your system quiets, you can also connect to your body, feel fully into your heart, and calmly tune into your thoughts.

2. Turn your attention to self-care

With newfound calm, you will likely be able to appreciate that some things must wait, as you consider what you need most to take care of yourself.

Maybe you need healthy food to fuel your body. Maybe you need to get out for some fresh air and movement, or get to bed and catch up on your sleep.

Ask yourself what your body needs and what will fuel your spirit.

If you run yourself ragged, you will do no good for anyone else, and the projects you are trying to work on will suffer.

Ultimately the outcomes will be better if you are fresher when you return to the demands that you had been exhausting yourself to focus on.

3. Leverage the efforts of others

Ask others for help and support! Seek out friendship, moral support and practical help.

Look to delegate as much as you can — even if you believe you would “do it better” than others might.

And here are some related ideas to consider.

Think about whether parts of the effort can be postponed. Are the deadlines really set in stone?

Maybe you can drop some of what you have been focused on. Does all of it have to be done?

Think about as many ways to lighten your load as you can.

Ward off potential overwhelm early

The best part of having moved through a tough period such as this, and having experienced positive results using some or all of the techniques noted above, is that you will be better able to recognize the warning signs of impending overwhelm in the future.

I am happy to say that my client took time to give herself the space and care she needed to look at the situation with fresh eyes. She has updated her plan for moving ahead. While she knows challenges still lie ahead, she has a sharper perspective and is feeling better.

And she will be less likely to find herself caught off-guard in the future.

Ideally, you, too, can be alert and make choices and decisions that will prevent you from finding yourself in the midst of major overwhelm.

Of course, there may well be times that something huge appears in your life, that must be dealt with. 

Knowing that you have actions to take to keep you from experiencing full-blown overwhelm, or to help you get back to equilibrium, will help.

You will know to take the first step: to slow down your breathing. From that quiet place you will be able to make your best decisions.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

3 easy ways to create more space in your life

I have been writing a new talk for weeks, that I presented for the first time last Tuesday. It was wonderful to share something new with the attendees of Lexington Wealth Management’s Empower Women series.

The title of my latest talk is: Live Big Without Sacrifice

As I have observed the lives of women (and men) around me, have heard from my clients, have reflected on the culture that surrounds us all, and focused on my own life, it is clear how many of us sacrifice our physical and mental wellbeing each day. The degree of sacrifice varies, but those sacrifices take a toll.

Now this is a big topic, and my talk offers major themes that may not be top-of-mind for most. But I want to share a fundamental truth (one that you may be familiar with if you have read my book) that I hope will help you today.

We need to create more time to simply BE

When we make space to BE more, we not only rest and care for ourselves, we are able to consider what really matters to us.

This space allows us to get clear about what we want to DO, and gain more insight into how we want to do those things.

As I say in my book, Live Big, we are human beings, but most of us spend most of our time doing. I invite you to focus on BEING before DOING.

And all of the ways of being that we choose to make our focus will create a foundation for the quality of our lives.

Let’s consider the most basic matter:

How to create space for more BEING

As I write today, I am away, with time to rest and reflect after a busy start of the year. Vacations are great — but they are not the answer.

The challenge (and imperative) is to focus on how to BE more in the midst of a busy life.

I invite you to explore these 3 ideas:

1. Commit to a morning practice

The form and duration of your morning practice is a personal choice.

It may include stretching or yoga, going for a run, or some other exercise. It may include journaling. It may include meditation. It may be structured so there is no screen time or listening to news before you get outside and breath fresh air.

One part of my daily practice is to pull a card from an oracle deck and use that as a prompt for journaling, reflecting, and setting intentions for my day.

If the idea of a morning practice is new to you, why not experiment and find what you like best?

2. Schedule breaks in your day

How many times have you plowed through your day, grabbed lunch on the go, and barely had time to think of anything other than the pressing items on your to-do list?

This a sure path to burnout! Why not make one or more of these ideas a regular part of each day?

• Take a “sacred pause.” Simply find a quiet place, set your clock for 2 minutes, close your eyes, and breathe quietly. (That’s it!)

• Make time to digest a healthy meal and bring your attention to the present. Chew your food slowly, savor the flavors and textures. You might sit in stillness or share a pleasant conversation.

• Chose to sit and do nothing! It could be to sit on a bench where you can watch people go by. Maybe you will look out a window at the sky or vista. Any form of doing nothing — for 5 or 10 minutes (or longer) will make a big difference in your wellbeing.

• Do a little moving. Walk around the block. Use the stairs instead of taking an escalator. Stand and stretch out your achy muscles after sitting in a meeting or being stuck at your desk. Your body will thank you!

3. Seek out inspiration and delight

This idea is the icing on the cake — and might be combined with things you choose in the two categories above, or something you do in another way.

When you look for wonder in your midst, or seek out beauty with intention, you light up your spirit and open your heart.

You might take a mid-day walk and use the camera on your phone to capture moments of natural beauty, or snap a photo of a curious color combination or an interesting light pattern. Or, look around you indoors and see where there are moments of delight you can savor.

You might schedule a date with yourself or a friend to visit a gallery, or go into a lovely shop you spotted as you drove past.

Any form of inspiration will bring positive energy into your life.

Why not start today?

I hope you will join me and commit to regularly giving yourself the space and grace to BE more — especially in the midst of a life that feels busy.

Small practices that create more space for you can have a surprisingly big impact.

Please share what you try and what you experience. Let’s stay inspired together!

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to harness your attention and reap big rewards

Have you noticed — in yourself, and others around you — how often our attention is focused on things that happened in the past and things that have not yet happened?

We replay the past for so many reasons.

We recall disappointments and mistakes and rerun them in our minds. Sometimes we replay happy events and successes, but most of us are pulled to memories that related to failures, sadness, frustration, shame and regret.

We also have a tendency to focus our thinking on things in the future.

It certainly makes sense to plan ahead and keep future goals in mind, but there's a trap here. We often create assumptions and spin stories about things that we think are likely to happen, and get stuck focused on the imagined events and outcomes.

What we miss is the opportunity to be fully present. We miss now, and all the potential of the moment we are in.

Attention is a precious commodity

We all know there are only 24 hours in a day — that limit is clear.

What most people fail to consider is that our attention each day also has limits.

Our attention is precious. We help ourselves enormously when we allocate our attention with care.

Do you ever pause to ask yourself questions like these?

• Where am I directing my attention?

• What am I choosing to focus on?

• Am I present now, or am I thinking about the past?

• Am I present now, or am I focused on what may or may not happen down the road?

I invite you to appreciate the importance of asking questions like these to assess where your attention lies in a given moment.

I also invite you to appreciate the opportunities that are yours when you are fully present.

The gifts of living in the now

We miss so much opportunity when we fail to be fully present.

Rather than suffering when we rehash events of the past (instead of learning from them and moving on), when you focus on the present you can reap the insights and opportunities that are in front of you now.

Rather than imagining (and often fretting about) things that have not happened, and may never happen, when you focus on the present you can make the most of the moment you are in, think expansively, and actively take steps to shape the future.

Being present keeps you open and aware. You can be curious. You can listen to your intuition. You can spot opportunities, and tune in to events and people around you.

Most of all, when you live in the present, you are able to create each next best decision as you move through your day.

Being fully present enables you to make the most of your precious attention, so you can create your best life one moment at a time.

Why not give yourself that gift today, and bring that awareness into your life again tomorrow? Before long, you will be living in the present with ease, and reaping great rewards.

I’d love to hear about the impact this practice has for you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to make each day a little easier

When people ask how you are, is your answer usually, “Busy!”? You may use other expressions that convey there's a lot — maybe too much — going on.

Maybe you live in over-drive, like so many accomplished professionals I know and speak to. Some wear their fast-paced, often stress-filled striving like a badge of honor. Some feel exhausted and are looking for a way to reduce the intensity.

Whichever camp you may be in, there is a strikingly simple way to make things easier, that I discovered and use all the time.

Self-talk can provide a huge assist

The frame of mind we choose, and the energy that is supported by our thinking, can result in very different experiences.

Consider these two ways to approach the same situation.

Scenario 1: 

This person sits down at her desk and looks over a huge list of things to do before the end of the day.

She says to herself, “This is going to be hard! It will take all day, and maybe into the evening, to get it done.”

She gets to work and pushes through the hours. She barely takes a break, and finds herself feeling irritable.

Scenario 2: 

Another person starts her day looking at a similar list.

She says to herself, “Wow, there’s a lot on this list! What if it does not have to be hard? What if it’s easy to get through these tasks? I have an abundance of time!”

She starts her work, feeling good about all she will accomplish. She moves from task to task, and takes a brief break each hour. She also makes sure to eat well mid-day.

Their outcomes

In Scenario 1, the day ends with a lot accomplished but she feels depleted. She gets home feeling weary and dreading more of the same for the rest of the week.

In Scenario 2, the day ends with a lot accomplished and she feels satisfied and eager to have a nice evening. She knows there is a lot to do the rest of the week, and knows she will approach each day with a similar orientation.

Turn around thoughts that make life harder

A good rule of thumb that will help you shift your self-talk to experience more ease and better outcomes is to turn around the thoughts that do not support you to bring your best energy to tasks at hand (and hamper your outcomes, too).

That’s right. You can reframe negative thoughts to be the opposite — thus turning them into in positive thoughts.

Our negative way of thinking is often on “automatic,” because we do it so regularly.

It’s easier to change those patterns than you may think.

Here are some examples. I’ll begin with a review of the common thoughts noted in the scenarios above.

1. “It‘s going to be hard.”

Most of us use this statement without considering its impact.

Here are a few ways this thinking can show up:
“Making our travel arrangements is going to be hard.”
“This will be a hard conversation.”
“It’s always hard to find the best solution to problems like this one.”

We set ourselves up for struggle when we think this way at the start.

By turning each around, we can feel positive, and maybe even look forward to the experience of making those travel arrangements or solving those problems. In the case of anticipating a “hard” conversation, a turnaround statement helps us defuse the heavy emotion and approach the conversation with more ease. This shift may even help you feel more confident.

2. “There’s not enough time.”

This is something I found myself saying nearly daily for years. One day, my coach looked at a full agenda of things we planned to get through in a day, and said, “There’s a lot here, and we have an abundance of time!”

Not only did her energy shift when she said that, mine did, too. We found that we moved through everything we intended, and really enjoyed the process.

I have been reminding myself that there is an abundance of time ever since, and it’s been a game-changer. My clients have loved adopting this approach, too.

3. “This is complicated.” 

Sure, some things are complex, but you can look at the same circumstances and say, “I can figure this out! It may not be so complicated.”

Can you envision how differently you will feel as you move ahead with this frame of mind?

4. “This is stressful.”

You might turn this statement around and tell yourself, “This is an interesting situation. It feels stressful, but it does not have to be.” 

What other negative thoughts can you notice, and start to turn around?

Start paying attention to your self-talk today

When you bring awareness to habitual ways of thinking that make your life harder, you are able to consciously make small (and significant) shifts in your thinking. Why not begin now?

If you try it, and see that day-to-day life becomes easier and more enjoyable, I would love to hear about what is working for you and the difference it’s making.

Leave a comment or email me me to let me know.

And now, I will return to my to-do list for the day. I know I have all the time I need to get through it!

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

If you crave certainty, this is for you

If you celebrated a holiday this past weekend, I hope it was lovely.

We look forward to many events, and hope for gatherings to be happy, friction-free and fun.

Like many moments in life, we crave certainty and we aim to control outcomes — in spite of the fact that such control is unrealistic.

How to let go of control and stress

Of course, we must first acknowledge that there are things beyond our control.

It’s those things that we think we can control that I’m addressing here.

Whether you are hosting a holiday meal or planning a business program, pitching a proposal or heading out for vacation, the impulse to control everything to assure perfection is tempting (and for some, an automatic way to operate).

For most people, that brings on stress — which is not only counter-productive, it hinders that outcome they desire.

Here are three great approaches to try instead:

1. Be clear about the control you have

The only thing we can be certain about is a belief in ourselves. (This may take some cultivating, and I promise it will be a worthwhile endeavor.)

Consider bringing focus to these areas:

• your resourcefulness

• your resilience

• your efforts to do your best

• your trust in yourself

When you focus there, strengthen each of them, and believe in these qualities, you are in the best position to move ahead effectively and with confidence.

2. Let go of the need for perfection

I realize this one is hard for many of us. (I consider myself a “recovering perfectionist,” and this is life-long work for me!)

There are two ways to think about perfection.

• One is to acknowledge that there is no such thing as perfection. This allows us to take things far less seriously, and removes judgement. We can appreciate good and great, not needing “perfect.”

• The other option is to accept that whatever happens is perfect! We can be proud and happy for good outcomes, and can learn from less-than-ideal outcomes. These less-than-stellar results are gifts that can inform our future efforts, and are often the best thing possible in the long-run.

I try to embrace both of these concepts.

3. Give yourself grace

When you embrace points one and two, you can move ahead with a foundation of self-love and self-compassion. You can bring more of your gifts to every project and plan on which you embark.

You can not only trust yourself, you can extend the trust to those with whom you choose to collaborate. And you can trust the universe to support your efforts.

You can appreciate that everything is an opportunity for learning and expansion.

This self-leadership is the foundation for leadership of all sorts in your life. Leading at work, leading the way for healthy relationships, inspiring others as you lead with creativity and vision, committing to ongoing self-awareness, and, ultimately, making the biggest impact.

Are you ready to boldly lead your life?

Every day affords each of us the opportunity for growth and for expansion — for becoming the confident, clear, focused person we aspire to be.

Perhaps you are a woman who yearns to be a stronger leader in your life, and is ready to bring all of your greatness forward to create your most inspired future.

If that resonates with you, let’s talk.

Email me and we’ll make a date to explore the dreams you have and what’s in the way. I would be happy to provide insights, and may have resources to offer you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Looking for fresh inspiration? Check out these 3 big ideas.

The glory of spring is palpable, and getting most of us excited — excited to be outdoors in warmer temperatures, excited to see colors blooming, excited to begin to see people in person. I enjoyed a wonderful walk with a colleague on Friday afternoon, and look forward to more opportunities to see people, ideally outdoors.

Getting outside is one of many great ways to get inspired. We’ve been cooped up for so long, and while video calls have kept us connected, the chance to be together for real feels great.

How to create inspiration when it goes AWOL

No matter the time of year or the external constraints (the pandemic having been a huge one for the last two years), we all have times when we feel uninspired, or experience a dip in energy and enthusiasm.

When that happens, it can help to have a short cheat-sheet for ways to find a spark.

Here are three great ways to light up your spirits.

These approaches can build enthusiasm for a task at hand, get you excited about taking on a big new project, can help you overcome doubt, and can generally get you feeling more alive and excited.

1. Invite a great conversation

I often say that everything good happens in a conversation. Sure, email is great, and texting has its place, but an actual conversation offers so much more possibility.

And if that conversation happens in person, all the better! (The walk with my colleague on Friday was richer because we spent time together on a circuit around a gorgeous reservoir and had a far-reaching conversation.)

The key is to invite people who think positively, who are curious, maybe funny, and in whose company you feel happy.

2. Look for wonder

I wrote a chapter titled See Wonder, in my book.

Why?

Because wonder lights us up. It inspires us and connects us to our hearts. And most of us miss it as we rush through our days.

When we tune in to the wonder that is all around us — beauty in nature; a shadow created by light streaming through a window; the colors, textures and tastes of lovely food, for example — our outlook about everything is buoyed.

We all have a camera on hand! Why not look for wonder and capture that moment with the camera on your phone. You can pause to savor wonder in the moment, and reconnect to the wonder any time as you pursue the photos in your library.

3. Play!

I also wrote a chapter on Play in my book.

And, this topic is still a work-in progress for me. I think it is for many adults.

The more I have learned about play, the more impressed I am about the power that plays has for us. We can all benefit from returning to the power of play that most of us experienced as kids.

When we play things don’t feel so serious. Fear drops away. When we get silly and experiment, we stop worrying about mistakes and are more focused on possibilities. We are in the moment, present and excited.

When we play and feel joy, life feels expansive. We create with ease!

I know that the possibility of letting go to play with abandon can feel risky for some. Maybe you were “good at” play as a kid, and maybe not. At some point nearly all of us were told it was time to get serious, we played less, and we are out of practice.

Why not look for opportunities to bring play into your life, and practice it?

Inspiration fuels creativity

And creativity is the key to making the life you deeply desire a reality.

Life is precious. Each day counts.

When you stay inspired, when you are truly self-aware and focused, when you learn to bring all of your best self into the world and are able to navigate the inevitable challenges (big and small) as they show up, you can create an inspired, fulfilling life.

Many accomplished, thoughtful women want that life, and yet don’t know how to get there, or struggle to do it on their own.

Perhaps some of these thought have occurred to you:

I am ready to stop settling for less than what’s possible.
I feel there is something more I want to explore or do.
I know I am ready to take a bold step in my life, but I don’t know what it is.
I know it's time for me to stop living small.

If thoughts like these feel familiar, and you want to explore what is possible for you, let’s talk.

The Spring 2022 Live Big Live! program is kicking off soon. If you are ready to light up your spirit, get clear about your vision, and create an inspired future with intention, email me and we’ll see if this program is a fit for you.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Don’t miss out on the subtle gifts of the season

There is no doubt that living through the pandemic for over 2 years has changed us. Even those fortunate enough to have remained healthy and working productively are realizing ways that they have been impacted.

Researchers are now sharing more insights about sleep interruption; mental health problems caused by isolation, grief and worry; stress associated with everything from economic changes to parenting children of every age; and physical challenges that include unusually early starts of menstruation, weight gain, lack of exercise, and the damage the body suffers from sitting for hours on end.

I am grateful that spring (which is just becoming evident here in New England) is here — on the calendar and in front of our eyes. With this new season we can approach our lives in many ways that will support our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Spring offers many gifts

Most of us think about spring as a time of warmer temperatures, blooming flowers and trees, and the delight of being outdoors with ease.

And I am grateful for all of that!

There is also a deeper layer of opportunity and insight we can explore. We are more closely connected to the rhythms and energy of nature than many of us realize. There is an intelligence in nature we can tap into now.

We just lived through the season of winter and receptivity.

Nature inspired us to be more quiet and reflective, connecting to deep inner knowing. It was a time to dream and feel inspired to create visions for what we want.

Spring shifts us into the season of embodiment — and this is a time to focus on being.

We can focus on becoming the person who will activate the insights and visions of winter — and become energized to plant the seeds for all that we dreamed of creating.

When we are fully embodied, awakened and inspired, we can plant the seeds with care and tend to the seeds. Even when challenges appear (which is inevitable), we can keep our energy strong, stay focused, and bring loving devotion to the effort of nurturing what we aim to create.

How to embrace the energy of the season

When I embark on anything new — and I have a lot of new things I am planting seeds for now — I first aim to feel as inspired as possible. One thing that always opens my heart is seeing great art.

This weekend I went to the Museum of Fine Arts (for only the second time since the start of the pandemic). I chose to spend most of my time in galleries that were not crowded, and the gift was that I found incredible treasures. They provided wonderful inspiration.

A brisk walk near the museum offered a great wake-up for many muscle groups in my stiff body. And spotting early signs of color and plant growth lifted my spirits to even great heights.

While it was not on my plan for the day, when I got home I felt a huge desire to paint! I turned on my favorite music and three hours of creating flew by. New ideas came pouring in, too.

This positioned me to start the week filled with energy, brimming with big ideas, and feeling physically vibrant.

How will you make the most of the season?

Each day we have the opportunity to renew and bolster our energy, to support vibrant physical wellbeing and a strong spirit.

As you focus on who you are becoming in this season of growth, think about what seeds you feel called to plant now.

And think about how will you keep your energy strong, to tend to them over time.

Spend a few minutes focusing on what lights you up, opens your heart, inspires you. What opportunities are accessible to you, to excite you now?

Maybe you will pass on a museum visit and hop on your bike, or plan a social event with special friends in a gorgeous place, or try a new kind of yoga, or play an instrument, or start a dance party, or explore a scenic town.

I would love to hear what you choose, and what happens when you activate your energy to make the most of this glorious season. Leave a comment, or email me.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Focus on this energy to help yourself — and the world

I pick a card from a deck of oracle cards each morning. This daily practice, that I started in January, centers and grounds me. I sit down at my desk, a candle lit beside me, and begin to focus my energy and attention around the message I receive. After I write for a while I move into action.

I am often struck by how the card I draw is just what I need on a given day. Some recent examples have been “Breakthrough,” “Action,” “Commitment,” “Playfulness.”

And sometimes, I draw a card that surprises me a bit. When that happens, as it did today, I spend a little more time considering what it is I can learn, or how I can be inspired by the message on the card.

The card I drew today?

“Compassion”

And the affirmation stated on the card is:

“The vibration of compassion shines through my every cell!”

The importance of compassion now

One dictionary definition of compassion is:

“sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”

I do not disagree. And yet I started thinking about this word, and its message for me — and all of us — in a broader way today.

With all that is happening in the world, compassion for those who are suffering is a sensation most of us are feeling, and with which many of us are struggling. We live thousands of miles from many tragic world events, we are in close proximity to the continued suffering caused by COVID, and we feel for countless people everywhere who experience distress of many kinds.

It can feel overwhelming to think about all of the suffering we wish we could alleviate.

And, while it may sound counterintuitive, I know there is a way that we can increase our power to positively impact others.

We need to bring compassion to ourselves first

When we cultivate true compassion for ourselves, we can fully love and unconditionally accept ourselves. With this foundation we can have more impact for others in need.

I write often about ways we can strengthen self-love and how to bring more love into the world. (You may want to check out this article about love and self-love. And this article has 3 quick steps to give your spirits a boost.)

Cherish yourself. Affirm your belief that you are amazing, deserving, capable, powerful and creative. In addition to focusing your thoughts this way, you may want to create a mantra for yourself and repeat it often, to bolster self-love.

Aim to let go of judgement, shame or guilt, if you notice thoughts like that showing up. How? Spot those thoughts and replace them with positive, loving thoughts. (You might repeat your mantra.)

The energy of compassion is stronger than you may think

I deeply believe in the power of love to heal us. When we are filled with self-love, and focused on radiating loving thoughts and actions, we shine more of our light to others — near and far.

What we focus on is what we get.

If you allow fear, bitterness or stress to occupy your thoughts, those will build.

So, consider how you can keep your focus on the positive.

• Perhaps, if you meditate, you will bring a simple loving mantra into that practice.

• You might talk about the power of love in conversations with others today

• If you write in a journal, you may want to focus on love in any of its forms.

The more you activate, and spread, your love and light, the more it grows in you. And the more that energy touches others.

Let’s all leverage positive energy

The energetic field of positive vibration will grow and become more powerful the more we each nurture loving energy, and the more we inspire others to expand loving energy.

By collectively bringing a focus of loving compassion to our lives and the lives of others, we bring fuel to alleviating suffering. Coupled with action, these synergistic forces are powerful.

We can all play our part and sustain this energy.

Let’s do this together. Will you join me?

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What I stopped tolerating — that may inspire you.

For years I have struggled to stay organized. Maybe you can relate. I typically have lots of projects underway, and I take lots of notes. The result? A lot of paper — paper that I get too busy to keep organized.

Add to that, I am a visual person, so seeing folders (or piles of papers) for various projects feels comforting to me.

The result? A chaotic desk that leads to stress.

When the stress builds up I bring in help — I work with a great professional organizer. She has helped me enormously over the years. Yet in spite of the updated systems and many great suggestions she has made, I continued to slip back into cycles of desk chaos.

And I continued to tolerate waves of that stress.

But I am no longer willing to do so.

What do we tolerate and why?

Many of us tolerate a lot. We tolerate clutter — both physical clutter and emotional clutter — that can range from mild to intense.

Mild annoyances can look like tolerating someone leaving dirty dishes for others to wash, or occasional rudeness you choose to shrug off. Seriously problematic things might include tolerating unhealthy environments or abusive behavior.

And while my cluttered desk pales in comparison to someone tolerating emotional abuse, it’s interesting to consider why we tolerate whatever it is that causes us stress.

We tolerate things for several reasons.

• We are not clear about our standards, or the standards of the group we are part of.

• We want to avoid awkward or difficult conversations.

• We want to be comfortable more than we are willing to make a change.

• We do not feel strong enough to stand up for ourselves.

• We feel hopeless or afraid.

• We do not feel deserving.

Each of these could be fully covered in a separate article, and each can entail a lot of personal exploration. (For today, we’ll focus on one illustration that can apply to a range of issues.)

Some challenges on this list may be easier for some people to overcome than others, and some take time and support to address.

It may be helpful to pinpoint what is in the way for you, for a given matter (or matters) that you are tolerating.

Until we decide we will not tolerate it, nothing changes

No matter the issue, and no matter the reason, change will only happen when we decide we are ready for things to change. We are ready to take action.

What does it take to make a change?

• Setting new standards.

• Deciding that you are worthy (of respect, of not being taken advantage of by others, of an environment that supports your wellbeing — to name but a few).

• Being willing to take a stand for what matters to you and courageously making changes.

In the case of my messy desk, being willing to make a change had been my problem. For a very long time it was more “comfortable” to continue tolerating clutter and stress.

When I set a new standard for myself, decided I deserved to feel happier and less stressed, and was willing to do what I needed to do to improve the situation, things did change.

When we are unwilling to tolerate something we find solutions

If you want to start addressing something relatively small, consider the case of my disorganized desk.

After getting help to deal with everything that was stacked on my desk — creating new folders, updating my filing approach and filling a recycle bin with papers I did not even need — I had a “clean start.”

I took the plunge and invested in an electronic tablet on which to take all of my notes by hand. I set up a system of folders on the tablet that is clear and easy for me to use. Right from the start I hardly wrote on paper at all. And for the last two weeks my desk has remained clear!

After the first week I realized that another layer of process was needed: to extract action-items, and suggested resources to follow-up on, from meeting notes. (There are no longer page flags on paper to signal things for follow-up, which were not very effective anyway.)

I am in the process of refining my new systems now, but I love the changes I am making. And I am asking for help to take the pressure off of feeling like I need to figure it all out, perfectly, myself.

My daily work experience makes me so much happier now, and that translates to getting more done with ease.

What one small thing are you ready to stop tolerating now?

I always recommend that people start by making a small change before tackling big ones.

Is there something that’s come to mind that you want to stop tolerating?

Consider the reason (or reasons) you have continued to tolerate the matter.

Next, look back at the things noted above that will support you to make a change, and consider what steps you can take.

Why not start today — even if that means simply brainstorming options, or deciding who can help you, or reminding yourself that you deserve this and can do it, or researching helpful resources?

Starting is key. Then take another small step.

Once you are in action, you will gain momentum. And when you have decluttered the physical or emotional matter (in a single day or over a longer span of time), you will have done something great for yourself.

The next time you are ready to make a change, you will have a foundation of success to build on. And you will feel able to tackle something bigger, if and when necessary.

I would be happy to hear about the changes you bring into your life when you decide there are things you are no longer willing to tolerate. Leave a comment or email me.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

What choices will you make today?

Considering how much accomplished people like us do each day, and considering the demands on our time and attention — from work matters, to family responsibilities, to concerns about world events — it’s no wonder that many of us feel stressed.

It’s easy to feel pulled in many directions as we move through each day. It can feel like trying to juggle too many balls at once.

This state of being can be exhausting. And sometimes it feels like there's no way to avoid the pressure.

Yet, there is an alternative to living with stress.

You always get to choose

While many pressures may feel beyond your control, the truth is that we always have choices, and we get to choose.

Here are three ways you can do that.

1. You can choose your frame of mind

This is a big opportunity, and one that many people never consider.

It may feel like an automatic response to be overwhelmed when there’s a lot going on, or demands are being made of us. We tend to approach everything with overwhelmed energy.

In fact, you can choose the way you respond.

You can choose to slow down.

You can choose to breathe with intention.

You can choose to be thoughtful, and to move forward calmly.

You can choose to be optimistic. You can choose to be supportive. You can choose to bring humor to the moment.

The energy you bring into any conversation or effort impacts the outcome you will experience.

What frame of mind and energy do you want to choose right now?

2. You can choose to be curious

Rather than jumping to judgement — of yourself or others — when things do not go as you wish, you can choose to be open, observant and curious.

Making the choice to observe and be curious entails slowing down. A benefit of slowing down is that you can think a bit and create your next step forward or your response, rather that reacting in the heat of the moment.

Curiosity can inspire you to ask great questions.

You might ask,

Why are things happening as they are?

What if I/we try a new approached to see what happens?

What might be possible that I never considered?

Questions like these put you on a path of discovery.

What can you consider with curiosity today?

3. You can choose relationships that make you happy

While there may be difficult people in your life with whom you must be connected, there are many people you can intentionally choose to include, or not include.

You get to choose to spend time with people who show up with positive energy.

And you get to minimize or end connections to people who are negative, harsh, critical, angry, or unkind. (I know this may sound hard to do, particularly if you are a people-pleaser, but it can be done.)

“Toxic” relationships take a toll on us.

Why not choose to surround yourself with people who show up with joy, love, fun and optimism? (And why not choose to minimize time with those who drain your energy, even as you must stay connected?)

This is a great time to make a list of people with whom you want to spend more time, and those you want to see less of — or stop seeing.

When you choose with intention, you create the life you want

I hope you feel inspired to bring awareness to how you use your energy each day.

Will you choose to be positive?

Consider your outlook and choose a bright one. Consider opportunities to be curious and explore. And consider being with people who will buoy your spirits. 

When all of us tap into positive energy this way we bring our best selves to everything we do. We have the biggest impact because we live more of our greatness. 

Your life will be enriched, and the world will benefit.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

How to stay strong now

We are living day by day in the midst of troubling world events.

We have been especially challenged for the last two years, and life always includes challenges. Now, the invasion in Ukraine fills us with deep pain and concern.

We need strength

Truthfully, we always need strength. We need strength to cope with challenges related to health matters, strained relationships, loss and grief, financial pressures, uncertainty, and a host of small daily issues that can knock us off course.

And in this moment, we especially need to find strength — for ourselves, for each other, and to send into the world to support people everywhere who are at risk.

How to find strength

When we are stressed, connecting to our strength may feel difficult. This process may help you:

1. Connect to your emotions.

When you slow down and identify what you are feeling, you have awareness of your current state. Rather than pushing these emotions down, allow yourself to name them and feel them.

(You may want to check out the article I wrote last week, where I shared great ways to give difficult emotions an outlet.)

2. Create calm.

Getting still and quiet allows you to breathe with intension and calm your system.

You may want to place your hands on your heart and imagine your heart breathing in love on each inhale. With each exhale, allow yourself to release tension, as you consciously relax your body.

(You can do this for as little as a single minute, you can quietly breath calmly for longer stretches, and you can pause and create calm multiple times in your day.)

3. Try using the Discovery Dozen™ exercise.

If you have my book, you are familiar with this great tool, that can be used in many ways.

The Discovery Dozen structure is simple. It begins with creating a fill-in-the-blank sentence. You then complete the sentence 12 times, each time with a different ending. The key is to write quickly and not edit yourself.

Try this one.

First jot down a challenging emotion you identified (or pick one, if several came up for you). Now you are ready to construct your Discovery Dozen sentence. Write it at the top of the page:

To find my strength in spite of feeling [your emotion], I ____________ .

Quickly complete that sentence 12 times. (You can number 1 through 12 down the side of the page to make it easy to write quickly without pausing to count.)

For example, your completed sentences might say:

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I can remind myself of times I bravely stood up for myself.

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I can remember I am not in danger right now.

• To find my strength in spite of feeling fearful, I will find organizations to support, to help others.

You can make more Discovery Dozen sentences, to explore other dimensions of strength. Consider these possibilities:

I feel strong when _____________ .

When I feel strong I can/ I know/ _____________ .

To help others feel strong I can _____________ .

And feel free to make your own Discovery Dozen sentences, to both explore questions and generate ideas.

Couple strength with love

Strength takes many forms — some obvious, some bold, some subtle.

Your Discovery Dozen sentences may have illuminated many kinds of strength, that can be leveraged in many ways.

And when strength is matched with love, the impact can be astounding.

If we all support ourselves and each other with love and strength we can have more impact that you might imagine.

We can believe in the power of each person to hold, share, and send love.

We can commit to taking action — in many forms — rather than sitting by in distress. (One great idea is to make purchases of digital products from Ukrainian artists on Etsy, or tell them not to fulfill tangle product orders and keep the funds. Etsy is not charging Ukrainian artists service fees.)

We can hold the highest energetic vibration of love and send it to those in need of support anywhere on the globe, and those working to broker peace.

We can pray together, believing in the forces of love, light, and courage, and that this collective energetic force can impact the course of the conflict.

In these ways we can contribute to better outcomes, as we also support our own wellbeing.

When we stay strong and keep loving. we can help to create a better world.

A simple question can change your life

Questions open our thinking. Of course there are many kinds of questions, and asking them can lead to many kinds of outcomes.

Let’s consider a very simple question, and how powerful the impact can be when we use it.

What if...?

“What if?” never fails to be a good question.

It opens your thinking to considering all sorts of possibilities, and it’s wonderful because it does that without making you feel pressured.

Something I especially love is that “What if?” questions also open the door to broad and creative thinking.

Let’s test a great “What if?” question

You can use the “What if?” question in countless ways, and the answers can be revelatory and wide-ranging.

I especially love this particular “What if?” question, and the many ways it can be extended:

What if you trusted?

Ponder that a moment. This is a big question that is worth turning over in your mind.

Next, move on to considering these variations. See what shows up for you.

What if you trusted yourself?

Can you imagine not second-guessing yourself? Can you envision living with trust in yourself and rather than with doubt? What if you could live without fear of making mistakes, or failing?

What if you trusted your heart?

What would your life be like if you connected to the desires in your heart — what you want — and felt deserving of those desires, and honored them? What if you also honored the passions in your heart?

What if you trusted your intuition?

Of course, that begins with hearing intuitive messages. Many of us hear these whispers (and shouts) and push them aside or override them. What would change if you trusted those nuggets of wisdom?

What if you trusted that you can move forward every day, and adjust and course-correct as needed?

This takes us back to the question of trusting yourself, but gets more specific. Can you imagine being focused and intentional, and also flexible and creative when things do not go as you expected, or new obstacles show up?

What if you trusted that you can get the help you need?

Many of us think we need to do everything ourselves. Many of us think that we are the only ones who can do things well enough, or to meet our own high standards. Many of us feel that soldiering on in spite of struggle is noble, or that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Can you imagine trusting yourself to find help, to let go of control, and to allow others to support you?

What if you trusted and believed that you have everything you need inside of you?

Can you believe and trust that you hold the answers you seek, and the ability to learn and grow and expand? Can you believe and trust that you are enough — in fact, that you are already perfect?

You may need some help to trust these ideas, and to believe you have that strength.

Can you imagine how having that trust and belief could be significant for you?

What if you trusted the universe?

I know that for many people this is a harder question, and it may feel a bit far out. I believe that we are all supported by forces much bigger than ourselves. You may call it god, divine spirit, the universe, or any of a number of other terms. Or you may think that the concept is nonsense.

I invite you to consider that we hold energy and there are energetic forces that respond to the positive or negative beliefs we hold energetically. In my experience, we get more back of whatever energy we hold and project.

When we trust that there is a universal energy force supporting us as we trust; supporting us when we believe that we are able to powerfully create in our lives; and supporting us when we believe that we can all bring our gifts and our best selves to approach each moment in our lives with agency, we can experience even greater outcomes and have bigger impacts.

Let’s all choose to trust

The collective power of all of us trusting, of all of us bringing our creative energy into our lives, and all of the good we can bring into the world from this solid foundation, is tremendous.

We can help to make this a better world in remarkable ways.

The first circle of impact we can have is with the people closest to us — our family members, friends, and our coworkers, colleagues and clients.

We also impact our communities — our neighbors and people in organizations we are part of. The impact can expand to our towns and cities and wider circles from there.

We may or may not see tangible evidence of this impact. The ripple effects touch people who touch others, and this is how we are the catalyst for meaningful change.

And that change extends to the broader world.

Goodness knows we need to bring as much positive energy as possible now to being a collective force for good, and for bold action in support of peace and justice and safety for all.

Please join me in the intention to unlock all of our creative power, to trust and tap our inner wisdom, and to bring strength to living our biggest, best lives. Those efforts will have a positive impact on those around us, and the impact will expand exponentially.

I deeply trust the potential of our collective efforts. Thank you for joining me.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

The truth about forgiveness

Who among us hasn’t dealt with the issues of resentment and forgiveness?

When our feelings are hurt, it stings.

And when we experience more serious situations — where we feel deeply hurt or wronged — pain, resentment and anger are among the emotions that can grip us.

We can be upset about something that feels unjust that has happened to us.

We can be upset on behalf of someone about whom we care deeply.

We can even be upset on behalf of people we do not know, but for whom we feel tremendous empathy — such as a class of mistreated people, or those who are victims of cruelty.

How to cope with the pressure of resentment

Resentment brings on emotions that feel justified. If we keep them pent up, it often feels like tension is building inside, and that is an awful sensation.

But it does not have to be that way for long.

Allow yourself to feel all the emotion.

It’s important to acknowledge what you are feeling, and feel it all, without fear of the strong emotion. You can feel safe to feel it all if you don’t sit endlessly in the emotion and allow it to smolder or grow.

Here’s how to keep that from happening:

Give the emotion you feel an outlet.

You might journal about the anger or pain or bitterness you feel, or stomp it out on a walk in the woods.

Maybe you'll make a hideous picture of the anger, to wring the emotion out of your system.

Maybe you will turn up harsh music and dance out what is burdening you, until you feel spent.

Find what works for you, and know that any of these approaches will help free you of the emotional load of those heavy feelings.

Now you can consider forgiveness

Forgiving someone used to feel nearly impossible for me. It was not a problem for small slights or hurts, but when someone behaved in a way that had a deep negative impact for me, I was unable to imagine being able to forgive them.

This was modeled for me growing up. There were stories in my family about people who held onto grievances for years. And I witnessed some examples of that myself.

I wanted that division and bitterness to end, rather than continue to be a family trait. And yet, I personally struggled to be able to forgive. I could not forget what felt so painful, so how could I forgive?

At that time, I did not have tools or insights to help me, as I do now. Pain and resentment and bitterness lingered and festered, before I learned the ways to release the negative energy that I described above.

And then I learned more about forgiveness.

I learned that when when I felt unable to forgive, I was primarily hurting myself. That was a huge insight for me.

And when a wise person told me it was not necessary to forget in order to be able to forgive — and that I did need to excuse the person for the matter that hurt so much — the doors to healing opened for me.

I made the choice to forgive.

I realized that the prolonged suffering — that I felt, and that the other party apparently felt — was doing nothing to rectify the issue that set the chain of pain in motion.

I did not ask for or feel the need for an apology, or any acknowledgement.

I simply moved forward with love. I said I was putting the past behind me and asked if the other party wanted to move forward that way.

I am so glad the answer was yes. And I continue to be deeply grateful that I learned this lesson when I did.

We can all step into the light

I wish I could say that I’ve never needed to forgive since that day. That is hardly the case.

I find myself faced with matters from time to time that call on me to feel and release pain and hurt, and then forgive.

Sometimes I address the matter directly, as happened years back. Sometimes I make a private decision to forgive and move forward.

In both situations, I make the choice to live with love as my guiding force — for myself and the party I forgive.

I envision myself standing in the light of that love, at the highest energetic vibration I can feel. That energy keeps me moving forward, free from the weight of pain or resentment.

I believe that in time (and sometimes it takes more time than others), the love and the light I feel will be felt by the person I send it to.

So far, the evidence has been clear, and I trust that as I continue to forgive with love, I will see the same outcomes.

Are you ready to give yourself this gift?

If you are holding any bitterness in your heart, I invite you to explore the practice of letting yourself feel it with awareness, and then experiment with ways to release the emotion, to give yourself a sense of palpable relief.

You may need to do this more than once to feel better. That’s fine! You will know when you feel ready to consider the next step, forgiveness.

To begin to forgive, you might simply send loving thoughts toward the person you have been upset with.

You might suggest a conversation to declare that you want to move ahead with a fresh start, and ask if they want that as well.

If that feels like too big a step to take, you might send an email and not mention anything about the old issue. You can simply suggest spending time together doing something pleasant, and see if they want to join you. Even if it takes time, you can continue to make invitations like that.

In time, you may get a “Yes.”

And until that time, you will feel lighter, and free from the burden of resentment.

That is a fabulous gift.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.