Are you a “pushaholic”?

Last week I shared about how my body forced me to slow down. In the article I urged you to chose to slow down and create more space for yourself.

I received many emails from readers who related to my tale and thanked me for my suggestion. That got me thinking more about why we drive ourselves so hard, and about specific ways to make a shift.

We have a choice, each day, to decide how we will live that day.

But most of us operate on autopilot, failing to pause and consider how we want to live.

Does this sound familiar?

Most of us muscle through our long list of tasks — pushing ourselves to get a lot done (as we try to get everything done on to-do lists that seem to be endless).

It feels logical to simply buckle down and work hard. After all, how else will we get to (or through) all of it?

If you take the time to pause and think about it, you may realize that that approach is far from ideal.

What happens when we push ourselves

When we push ourselves relentlessly we wear ourselves down and feel exhausted. We often feel resentful, or hopeless.

That makes it hard to feel energized, even about doing things that we like and want to do.

The stress of overwork leads many of us to burnout — feeling overwhelmed, drained, and unable to ever get caught up, much less ahead. Both our psyches and our bodies often pay a price — like mine did recently. We can suffer from headaches, intestinal issues, poor sleep, and more.

Consider this alternative

Instead of pushing so hard, what if you were open to allowing yourself to slow down a bit and welcome flow.

By that, I mean connecting to the reason that the things on your list matter to you, and then focusing on what is right for you.

Ask yourself: “Why are each of these things on my to-do list.” And, “Why am I doing them?”

Next ask: “What is on my list that is not aligned with what matters to me?”

Certainly, we all have some things to do that do not excite us. (I have to renew my driver’s license soon, and have forms to complete, and household tasks to get taken care of.) But when I think about why those things matter to me, I am able to approach them with more ease and enthusiasm. For instance, I want to drive with a current license that will also alow me to get through security at an airport for upcoming travels.

Even things you don’t like doing, there are some things that simply must get done (like paying your taxes on time). These can often be reframed in a way that makes them feel less heavy.

By focusing on the items and actions that excite me (as well as any “must-do’s that will keep me out of trouble), I can more easily decide to delegate some tasks to others. And I can choose not to do things that ended up on my list because I quickly said yes without realizing the “yes” was for the wrong reason.

(Things that we come to realize ought to be “no’s” typically show up because we feel obligated, do not set clear boundaries, or we are trying to please others more than make decisions that align with our desires and priorities.)

Take some time to decide what you can delegate and what you can drop.

The energy of flow is easier to access when your choices are clear and have meaning for you.

The last pieces of the puzzle

When you have “cleaned up your list” and connected to more positive energy, you can also reorder what is left. Take care of things in a sequence that serves you best.

And be sure to remember how much you can trust yourself to move forward with clarity and focus, even if it takes a little while to get the hang of this new way of living.

I invite you to also trust that the universe will support you, as you stay aligned with actions that are meaningful to you and that you approach with positivity.

I predict that, with practice, you will experience what I call the “flow energy” of operating this way. I have been making this shift and loving the results.

Why not give this approach a go today? Then, hit reply to let me know how it works for you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Why we say “Yes” to things that are “No’s”

Last week I suggested five steps you can take to love your to-do list, and end the feeling of overwhelm that to-do lists bring on for so many of us. The response to that post was tremendous.

I want to go a bit deeper on this topic now, because there are common reasons that smart, ambitious women tend to overload their to-do lists. If you followed the process I offered last week, you may have removed items and wondered how they got on your list to begin with.

Consider why you say “Yes”

We have all done it — said, “Yes” to things we really do not want to do. Those things not only make for an overly-long and overwhelming to-do list, they usually cause us to feel resentment.

There are several reasons that we tend to say “Yes” and regret it later.

While all three of these reasons may not be relevant to you, consider them in this order:

1. We want to be nice.

Many of us were raised to be nice. Feeling obligated to be nice all the time leads lots of women (and men) to become people-pleasers.

It’s hard for people-pleasers to say, “No.” Their impulse is to avoid conflict. Over time, people-pleasers are burdened by all they agree to do. 

We often confuse being nice with being kind. One can kindly decline a request or disagree with someone. It takes awareness and some practice, but people-pleasers can learn to kindly take their power back!

2. We are unfocused.

A lack of clarity is a big reason that people say “Yes” so often that they become overwhelmed.

When we do not examine what we really want to do — with a focus on what truly matters to us the most — it is likely that we will agree to so many things that we find ourselves spread too thin and feeling splattered.

Spend some time considering where you want to aim your focus and why. With that in mind, you will say “Yes” with more discernment.

3. We fail to set boundaries that align with what’s important to us.

For some people it can feel harsh to set boundaries, but good boundaries are key to living a sustainable and happy life.

We all have a finite amount to time, energy and attention to expend each day. Thus it is crucial to consider the boundaries that will support you to make the most of every day.

Good boundaries need to be in place with both the people you are close to and those you are not so close with.

Consider the boundaries you might set with with colleagues and with clients.

And consider setting personal boundaries if you notice intrusions that hamper your attention, time and/or energy. You may want to limit your impulses to dive down rabbit holes like time spent on social media, researching topics far more extensively than is required, or long stretches of screen time.

Boundaries can be set more easily when you have clarity, and they can always be set with kindness!

Honor what you choose to make your focus

I invite you to thoughtfully explore the three topics above. What things are most important to you, and what changes will support you to keep your focus on them?

Keeping a focus on the things you most desire will give you a boost of positive energy, as well as more time in your life to realize them. Why not begin to implement these ideas, and see how they can support you to live each day with less stress and more satisfaction?

And if you want to think about getting help to address deeply ingrained practices and habits that stand in your way, so you can more easily bring significant change into your life, let’s talk. I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I'll be glad to give you new insights and perspectives about your challenges and hear about the changes you want to make. We can explore if my coaching is a fit for you — and if not, that’s fine. We’ll sort out your next best step.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to be resilient now

When I wrote to you last week, 2021 felt like it was off to a fresh, clean, promising start.

And then our nation was rocked by an event that has been deeply disturbing — and is a true wake-up call.

The message for me is that we cannot take this democracy for granted. There has been clear evidence of deep problems for years. And while it’s hard to impact change as individuals, we can come together and collectively support real change — which, happily, we we saw happen at the ballot box in November, and for those in Georgia, last week.

I know we are politically divided. But I believe that there are many people who did not support the president-elect with their votes who also want to see the restoration of a peaceful democracy, with respect for our Constitution and laws.

When we come together we have the ability to influence the future of this country.

It starts with each of us

How do we each show up in our lives and in the world?

How do we live with integrity each day?

And how do we move forward after we have been deeply shocked and scared?

We have an invitation to think about these questions now.

How are you showing up each day?

Are you clear about who you are, your values, what you stand for?

Do you live by those values each day?

Few of us are very clear about knowing ourselves, and few have focused on identifying the values that are most important to us.

Many of us are people-pleasers, and thus do not stand up for what matters to us.

Or we put ourselves last, always focused on caring for those around us.

Or we want to speak up, but don’t have the courage to speak our truth.

Or we do not believe in our abilities to do things that truly are within our reach — if only we stretched a bit outside of our comfort zone.

Are you living in integrity day by day?

Even when we do have clarity about ourselves and our values, few of us are able to fully live in integrity with what we care about.

It takes courage and conviction to show up each day, at work, with our families and friends, and stand in our personal power.

We have all heard people say things that we feel are not right, or are unfair, misguided, or false. Or we’ve been asked to accept or follow directions that are out of alignment with our integrity. In circumstances such as these, the challenge is to find the words or take action to offer another point of view, or advocate for another path forward, or defend the truth as we perceive it.

It takes courage and conviction, and many of us struggle to find the words or take the actions to consistently live in integrity.

How are you moving forward now?

Whether or not the events on the national level are top of mind for you, or if personal concerns are looming large, we all need to find ways to move forward with purpose when things get tough.

At times like these we need to be resilient.

And over time, we are frequently called on to be resilient.

Try asking yourself these questions:

1. Consider times in your past when you needed to be resilient. What did you do? What allowed you to find that strength? Now that time has passed and you look back, what might you do differently today?

2. Where are there opportunities for you to create steps to move forward, rather than reacting to the challenge that’s troubling you?

3. Can you slow down, get present, and consider lots of possible options — so you can choose what next best step to take?

4. Can you reach out for help or support?

5. Can you ask yourself this question: If I were not afraid, what would I do?

When you consider these questions you will find meaningful insights, and resilience will come more easily.

These times call for more of us to live big

I invite you to spend some time with the ideas and the questions I shared above.

When you devote time to careful consideration about yourself and devising new ways to move forward, you are opening the door to living more intentionally — living your values, bringing resiliency to challenges, and having more agency in your life.

These are foundations of living big.

And when we each strive to live big, we impact not only our individual lives, but the lives of those in our families, our communities, our country and the world.

My mission is to help people live big

If you want to explore the ways you can live your biggest and best life, let’s have a conversation. Here’s what to do to take me up on my invitation.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call and we will explore what limits you now and what’s possible for you to create — to make the future you desire a reality.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.