Are you a “pushaholic”?

Last week I shared about how my body forced me to slow down. In the article I urged you to chose to slow down and create more space for yourself.

I received many emails from readers who related to my tale and thanked me for my suggestion. That got me thinking more about why we drive ourselves so hard, and about specific ways to make a shift.

We have a choice, each day, to decide how we will live that day.

But most of us operate on autopilot, failing to pause and consider how we want to live.

Does this sound familiar?

Most of us muscle through our long list of tasks — pushing ourselves to get a lot done (as we try to get everything done on to-do lists that seem to be endless).

It feels logical to simply buckle down and work hard. After all, how else will we get to (or through) all of it?

If you take the time to pause and think about it, you may realize that that approach is far from ideal.

What happens when we push ourselves

When we push ourselves relentlessly we wear ourselves down and feel exhausted. We often feel resentful, or hopeless.

That makes it hard to feel energized, even about doing things that we like and want to do.

The stress of overwork leads many of us to burnout — feeling overwhelmed, drained, and unable to ever get caught up, much less ahead. Both our psyches and our bodies often pay a price — like mine did recently. We can suffer from headaches, intestinal issues, poor sleep, and more.

Consider this alternative

Instead of pushing so hard, what if you were open to allowing yourself to slow down a bit and welcome flow.

By that, I mean connecting to the reason that the things on your list matter to you, and then focusing on what is right for you.

Ask yourself: “Why are each of these things on my to-do list.” And, “Why am I doing them?”

Next ask: “What is on my list that is not aligned with what matters to me?”

Certainly, we all have some things to do that do not excite us. (I have to renew my driver’s license soon, and have forms to complete, and household tasks to get taken care of.) But when I think about why those things matter to me, I am able to approach them with more ease and enthusiasm. For instance, I want to drive with a current license that will also alow me to get through security at an airport for upcoming travels.

Even things you don’t like doing, there are some things that simply must get done (like paying your taxes on time). These can often be reframed in a way that makes them feel less heavy.

By focusing on the items and actions that excite me (as well as any “must-do’s that will keep me out of trouble), I can more easily decide to delegate some tasks to others. And I can choose not to do things that ended up on my list because I quickly said yes without realizing the “yes” was for the wrong reason.

(Things that we come to realize ought to be “no’s” typically show up because we feel obligated, do not set clear boundaries, or we are trying to please others more than make decisions that align with our desires and priorities.)

Take some time to decide what you can delegate and what you can drop.

The energy of flow is easier to access when your choices are clear and have meaning for you.

The last pieces of the puzzle

When you have “cleaned up your list” and connected to more positive energy, you can also reorder what is left. Take care of things in a sequence that serves you best.

And be sure to remember how much you can trust yourself to move forward with clarity and focus, even if it takes a little while to get the hang of this new way of living.

I invite you to also trust that the universe will support you, as you stay aligned with actions that are meaningful to you and that you approach with positivity.

I predict that, with practice, you will experience what I call the “flow energy” of operating this way. I have been making this shift and loving the results.

Why not give this approach a go today? Then, hit reply to let me know how it works for you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are your high standards hurting you?

Do you have high standards? Do you care about every detail being just right? Maybe people call you “picky” — like my kids did when they were growing up. It was said jokingly, but my “pickiness” was often annoying.

Traits like these often indicate perfectionism.

Caring about things being done well is all fine and good, but perfectionists carry things to a level that is problematic — for themselves and for people around them.

As a recovering perfectionist (I’m a Type One on the Enneagram), I know a lot about the subject.

And I can tell you, it’s exhausting to be a perfectionist.

If you relate, or you care about a perfectionist in your life, exploring this subject may help you.

The tyranny of perfectionism

It’s worth understanding the range of negative impacts of perfectionism — for both perfectionists and those around them.

The impacts of perfectionism on the perfectionist

The exhaustion of relentlessly striving for perfection adds enormous stress to life. And goodness knows, we have all endured enough stress this year that adding to it is just awful. In fact, stress can be toxic.

Perfectionism is the root cause of procrastination — another way perfectionists suffer. After all, if it has to be perfect it can feel scary to get started on any project. And the inevitable stress of needing to create something great at the 11th hour adds stress on top of stress. You can see where this is headed.

For some people, perfectionism can become so extreme that it’s debilitating. I hear from people whose jobs make them miserable due to the pressure they feel to be perfect.

And perfectionists have a hard time delegating. Everything they think they need to do themselves to get it done “right” adds to the weight they carry — at work and at home.

Each day can feel unbearable, and burnout can result.

But even for those who live with a more moderate level of perfectionism, there are downsides. They often lose perspective about what is really important as they aim for everything to be perfect. And the undercurrent of fear about not being good enough takes a psychic toll.

How perfectionists impact others

Perfectionists can be hard on those around them.

When some show up as being picky about things, it can annoy the people in their midst.

When perfectionists are judgmental of others who don’t meet their impossibly high standards, they can be tougher to be around.

And when a perfectionist feels angry about someone else not meeting their standards, things can get really rough. Even if they don’t intend to be harsh, these perfectionists can hurt people’s feelings and worse.

Leaders who struggle with perfectionism are often disliked, as well as feared. This is terrible for both perfectionists and those who work for them.

How to join the ranks of recovering perfectionists

1. Lighten up

Ok, for a perfectionist. that is easier said than done. After all, perfectionism is deeply rooted in those who struggle with it.

You might start with getting comfortable with the idea that “almost perfect” is good. Give it a solid effort and be ok with that. After all, you’re idea of “almost perfect’ is likely to be seen as terrific by many people!

Think about what is most important as well as what is the wisest way to use your time. Are you focused on making something perfect at the expense of something else that is actually more important? Is striving to make things perfect on a particular project robbing you of time that can be better spent in other ways — at work, or in your personal life? When you get clear can you take a fresh approach?

2. Trust the adage that “perfect is the enemy of good”

Try to focus on process as much as product — enjoy the journey!

And try the 80/20 approach. Launching that website when it’s 80% of what you consider “perfect” and having people access your content sooner, is so much better than delaying the site launch until you are 100% happy with every last detail. There is always time to polish or add more later.

Appreciate yourself for completing a project and getting it into the world. And appreciate that you did it sooner than if you had labored over it longer.

3. Savor the inner peace

When you practice and are gradually able to loosen the grip of perfectionism, you will notice many positive changes.

Imagine how good it will feel to work on projects a little at a time, with less procrastination and fewer last-minute crunches.

Allow yourself to enjoy the process, rather than anxiously focusing only on the outcome, and you will add pleasure to your daily life.

Consider projects complete before they are “perfect.” That will alleviate stress and feel terrific.

When you delegate with clarity, and are able to see that others will sometimes do things somewhat differently than you would, but that their way is fine, you’ll experience a huge sense of relief.

And if you need to give constructive criticism and allow them to give it another go, their eventual ability to handle that kind of matter will free you up in wonderful ways.

All of that will make you happier, raise your self-esteem, and make those around you able to appreciate you in a whole new light.

Are you ready to stop being a perfectionist?

Leave a comment to let me know if perfectionism is a factor in your life — and if so, tell me how it impacts you.

And if you want help to end the negative pull of perfectionism, let’s talk.

As someone who has significantly overcome this problem, I help many women to move past procrastination.

I promise that our conversation will provide you with new insights and perspectives, as well as ways you can begin to change your life for the better right away.

And we can explore the possibility for you to be a part of my next Live Big Live! retreat, to help you create the life you want and deserve. Of course, if either of us feels the fit is not good, that’s absolutely fine.

Book a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, or email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.