Are you ready to stop struggling?

You have likely heard the Buddhist quote, “Suffering is optional.”

I noticed it coming up in different contexts lately. And when things show up with frequency like that, it is a sign for me to pay attention.

Most of us hold on to hurt, resentment and anger

I don’t know about you, but in the past it was a challenge for me to “let go” when things happened that felt unfair or unjust.

It was easy to stew in the emotion, to turn it over and over in my mind, and to talk about it at length with others — which often fomented more upsetting emotion about the issue.

This went far beyond processing and evaluating.

More often than not, upsetting thoughts about the matter at hand grew and festered, often leading to distraction, stress and poor sleep.

After decades of suffering in this way when such issues arose, I found it was possible to approach things differently.

“Don’t let it land”

This sage advice was offered to me by my husband years ago, when someone said something to me that felt deeply hurtful.

I have no recollection of the offending remark, but I never forgot the concept he suggested I adopt.

However, I was a slow learner.

I found it difficult to let the hurt roll off, to not “land” and get lodged in my thoughts.

Fortunately, with much practice, my ability to keep things from landing has improved. I am grateful to have been gifted this sage concept.

And not long ago I was offered yet another juicy bit of wisdom that I am glad to share with you.

You can drop the rope

When we are in a struggle — with someone else, and even within ourselves — there’s a lot of tension.

That tension usually involves tugging. Think of the tug of war games we all played at camp, or outings in the park. Can you recall how much effort you expended?

What if, instead of the pulling and tugging and huffing and puffing, you chose to drop the rope and stop?

While the back and forth struggles we tend to engage in as we try to defend a position, make a case, convince someone, and even beg for reasonableness can sometimes lead to something more positive, there are many times when that is not the result.

We sink deeper into pain, frustration, and even alienation from the other party.

And who do we hurt the most?

Ourselves.

That is when we can choose something else — to simply drop the rope.

By letting it go, we spare ourselves. And the other party often looses interest, if (as can be the case) they no longer get the satisfaction of provoking you.

When I have made the choice to drop the rope, I have felt remarkably liberated.

We get to choose

We often have to endure things that are not as we wish, or deal with pain. How much we suffer, however, is within our control.

Why not choose your own peace of mind and wellbeing?

Why not choose to stop tolerating things that you are able to be free of?

When we make intentional choices like these, we have agency in our lives. We create a new and better way to move through our lives.

See what I did there? I shared a small but meaningful way you can create the bigger, happier life you desire.