What’s weighing you down?

For many of us, looking ahead at the last few weeks of 2021, brings up mixed emotions.

Some of us are already looking back and taking stock of the year. This can feel uplifting, or disappointing, or both.

Some are focused on making the most of the weeks ahead, aiming for a “strong finish” to the calendar year (in business and/or personally). This excites some people and feels intense to others.

Some are excited about celebrating in the upcoming holiday season, while others feel trepidation at the thought of being with particular people, or about travel in uncertain times, or what it will take to prepare for all of that.

I don’t know anyone who feels completely upbeat or completely down. Taking note is a first step to help you enjoy more positive energy.

What’s up for you?

The place to begin is to identify what feels heavy. If you take a few minutes to jot down what those things are, the clarity you’ll gain can help you lighten the emotional load.

Your list may include pressures at work, family discord, overwhelm at too much to do, tough decisions that are looming, tension about things out in the world, health concerns, financial matters, or anything else. It may be a long list, or your list may have one dominant feature.

Consider these possibilities

Seeing it in black and white, can you gain perspective about things that may not be all that problematic?

When we feel stressed, everything seems to expand in importance, but some things on your list are likely to be tasks you can quickly dispatch — or even delegate or drop. And some things can likely be deferred, to attend to after this busy season.

It’s likely that some things that feel overwhelming can be approached in a sequence of small efforts. This will make them feel less daunting, and the big project will be easier and more enjoyable to move through to completion.

Speaking of completion, ask yourself if your timelines and deadlines are realistic, or really required.

And some things on your list may feel heavy because of old scripts and stories you carry, such as feeling like you have to be perfect. Or you have to complete things to meet others’ high expectations. Or you “have to” [fill in the blank] — to make others happy at your own expense.

Maybe you have a “role” in your family that you feel obligated to play, but that frustrates you or feels unjust.

Maybe you feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but you can see that there are things on the list that others can help with.

Taking a look at what you can reasonably adjust — with practical changes and in your mental approach — is a great first step to easing the strain you felt as you wrote down the items on your list.

Let’s lighten up

I confess that the pressure I’ve put on myself to be “perfect” and meet the expectations of others have been long-held beliefs that are still works-in-progress for me to release. And being able to ask for help is a practice I have been focused on for a while now, but I continue to need to remind myself that it’s a great thing to do.

The feeling that I must work hard all the time has been a life-long belief that I am currently focused on shifting, and I’m happy to be making progress with it.

We all have deeply entrenched habits and beliefs that do not serve us. And we can all bring awareness to the changes we want to make.

The key is awareness — and from there, consciously making choices that serve us.

Try some or all of these approaches:

What if you trusted that there is an abundance of time to take care of things that really must be done?

Simply approaching the day with that frame of mind makes a huge difference in the energy you feel, and thus the energy you bring to your tasks. This has been a game-changer for me and many of my clients.

What if you let go of the need to do it all and do it all perfectly?

We tell ourselves stories about things we “must do” that often do not need to be done (or not done by us). A quick example is that holiday cookies to not all need to be home-baked — unless that brings you joy and your well-being is not compromised by the time it will take. But the same goes for items of all types on our to-do lists. What can you choose not to do?

And when we aim for perfection for the things we keep on the list, we struggle and sabotage ourselves in so many ways. If, instead we aim for “good” we can feel happier doing the task, and can also allow for happy surprises that may show up when we welcome imperfection. And if we fall short or “fail”? We can laugh, learn from the experience, and move on.

What if you let go of the heaviness?

Our perceptions can make small things feel intense and larger tasks feel even more daunting — or, our perceptions can make things feel doable with ease.

When you change your approach from feeling burdened to feeling that things can move smoothly and be easy or pleasurable, you change your experience. (You may want to check out what I recently shared about how to be a positive thinker.)

And to more easily achieve and sustain a sense of lightness, remember to acknowledge yourself for taking a positive approach. Also acknowledge yourself for all that you accomplish along the way. (Check out the power of giving yourself a “Yay Me” here — something my clients practice and love doing. )

Making gratitude a daily focus also supports us to live positively, which in turn increases joy. (Check out three ways to experience more joy.)

We all have the agency to make changes

The biggest pitfall is feeling helpless about things that add stress to our lives.

By bringing awareness to what is troubling you and taking steps to lower the intensity of stressful emotions and pressures, we can all open to approaching whatever lies ahead with more joy and ease.

Why not try one or more of the ideas suggested above this week and see what works for you? I’d be happy to hear about what you experience. Leave a comment, or email me to let me know.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Most of us miss some of the gifts of gratitude

I hope you enjoyed a special day of thanks last week (even if you are not in the US, where we celebrated Thanksgiving Day).

Many of us gathered with friends and family and were especially thankful to be able to be physically together, rather than on zoom. We enjoyed lovely food and expressed thanks for pleasures we often take for granted in the midst of our busy days.

The opportunity we have now, with a new week underway, is to hold onto our focus on gratitude — and expand it.

Gratitude go-to’s

It is obvious to bring our attention to feeing grateful for all that is good — from people we love, to food, shelter and kindness.

Focusing that way on a regular basis — creating a gratitude practice that keeps you tapped in to all that is wonderful in your life — brings tremendous benefits.

(I wrote about the big benefits of gratitude a few years back, that you may want to check out. There is also a chapter on gratitude that begins on page 50 of my book.)

Many of us have a daily gratitude practice, and tune in to smaller moments to appreciate, too. This level of awareness — of a smile from a stranger, the offer of help to carry a heavy package, spotting something surprisingly beautiful in nature, or receiving a thoughtful inquiry about how things are going — makes the benefits of gratitude on our wellbeing even greater.

Now, let’s take the concept of gratitude even deeper.

Often overlooked opportunities for gratitude

What few of us consider is that we can be grateful for things that do not typically spring to mind when we think about counting our blessings.

In this season of “blessing the harvest,” we can expand our perspective to consider all that we are harvesting now.

As the year winds down and we take stock, we can certainly bless our accomplishments, good fortune and bounty. We can also bless our challenges, disappointments, failures and losses.

Why?

Because when we can bless it all, we see how everything we have experienced this year brought us to who we are today. We can appreciate the insights we gained and lessons we learned.

We realize that ultimately, all of it enriched us.

This is the perfect time to bless it all

When we feel grateful for all of what we have experienced, we boost the well-documented benefits of gratitude (that are listed in my book). We let go of regret and stop rehashing the past.

The positive energy we feel can be channelled toward new ways of creating.

This not only helps us now, it supports us to move into 2022 with more optimism and enthusiasm. We feel motivated to start creating, planting new seeds, and taking action boosted by that powerful energy.

A question to ask now

As we head into the last 31 days of 2021 and look beyond to the coming year, ask yourself this question:

How can I bring all of my creative energy to my life — to the work I do, to my relationships, and to living my purpose?

We can all make the last weeks of this year incredibly meaningful and look ahead in anticipation to all that we will embark on in the new year.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What are you celebrating now?

Celebrating my birthday with my father was especially sweet!

Last week was special for me. I spent a wonderful week of vacation in New York. I celebrated my birthday, and the side trip I took to spend my birthday with my father made it extra-special!

I savored visits to museums. I saw art that lit me up. I walked and explored. I ate lovely meals and met up with a few wonderful friends. I saw a tour de force of theater I will not soon forget.

It was a week of celebration.

I celebrated the life I have created and am able to vibrantly live.

I celebrated the magnificence of art and creative expression I saw each day.

I celebrated the abundant beauty of Central Park ablaze in autumn color.

I celebrated being able to be safely in the world (thank you, New York, for requiring proof of vaccination to enter museums, theaters and restaurants).

I celebrated love — the love of my sweetheart, my family, dear friends, and kind strangers.

What are you celebrating now?

Every day offers us the opportunity to celebrate — to be filled with gratitude and love.

No matter what has happened in the past, everything you have experienced has brought you to today. Can you celebrate the person you are, the wisdom and insight you have gained, your bravery, your commitment, your contributions? Can you celebrate who you are becoming — informed by all of your past?

Can you celebrate the people in your life? Can you reflect back to them all you see that is celebration-worthy (even the smallest attributes and actions, that they may not be aware of or acknowledge)?

Can you celebrate the magic of creation — all that you create in the world, and all the inspiring creation around you? Consider what people create that delights you and supports your wellbeing. And consider the splendid creation of the natural world around you.

Let’s all celebrate together

When you slow down and bring your awareness to all that you can celebrate each and every day, you will be endlessly fueled with inspiration.

You will feel more alive, more excited, more fully authentic, and more connected to others.

You will be filled with love — for yourself and everyone around you.

This, in turns, inspires more love and spreads love far and wide.

I believe in the power of that love. We can all celebrate it with a whole heart!

Let’s live big together — today and every day.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you stuck in the judgement trap?

Have you ever stopped to think about how often you judge people and things? (I am sorry to confess that I have been a “judger” most of my life!)

I was recently invited to choose an object within view and spend a few minutes judging it — which was easy for me to do!

The next step was to look at the object again, and this time simply observe it.

Wow, what a difference I experienced the second time I looked.

I have been bringing that experience to mind often, and repeating the exercise. It is especially valuable to bring this to mind when interacting with people.

Each time I realize what a gift I give myself when I choose to observe instead of judge.

Try it out for yourself

Let’s say you look across the room and choose to focus on a lamp.

Sit and stare at it and judge it.

Perhaps you will think about a color or shape that you don't care for. Maybe you will judge the design as poor, or think about materials you don’t care for. Maybe you will judge the person who made it or the person who purchased it.

Now, look again. This time simply observe the lamp.

You are likely to notice things such as how the metal reflects ambient light in an interesting way. Or the surface texture of the base. Or how it adds balance to the composition of things sitting near it. Maybe upon closer observation, the material that the shade is made of will fascinate you, or you will be curious about the origin of the overall design.

Pause and think about it the two experiences. You will likely realize that when observing you felt calmer and it was more pleasant, and that it opened your thinking in new ways compared to what it felt like when you judged.

Can you imagine that a shift from judging people to observing them could be even more revelatory?

What happens when we judge other people

When judging others, we often make assumptions about a person’s motives, or ascribe qualities to them that are off base. What follows is often a loss to both you and the person you judged. It can sometimes be tremendously damaging to one or both parties.

We hurt ourselves when we judge, we can cause hurt to those we judge, and we limit what might be a great connection when we judge as a first impulse.

On the other hand, when we choose to observe people rather than judge, we open to deeper and more significant insights.

By choosing to observe and opting to be open and curious, we are inspired to ask good questions. Asking questions bourn from an observer's curiosity and interest in discovery can reveal truths we would never become aware of if we started with judgement.

This small shift can have a huge impact for you

Since my first experience of judging and then observing, I have been bringing the awareness to many encounters in my orbit. I find it to be most meaningful when I think about people — both those I know well, and new people I meet for the first time.

Each time I observe I notice subtleties and find things to appreciate that were not immediately obvious. Questions often come to mind that result in great information or insights. I reap rich gifts when I observe. And I am relieved not to have the kinds of judgmental thoughts I was so accustomed for so much of my past.

I have also shared this suggestion with a number of clients recently. They report finding this practice to be extremely helpful.

And adopting this way of looking at people and things around you is a practice.

Why not give it a try yourself, and see what happens when you practice enough to make it your new way of viewing and engaging with the world?

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

A big idea that will get you thinking

I have a short message today, as I have been away at a retreat with my coach and am just getting back.

I considered skipping a week, but I am committed to showing up for my readers each Tuesday. In spite of being quite tired, I want to bring you a Big Idea today.

This statement is what quickly came to mind:

“How you do anything is how you do everything”

The first time I heard this I paused and had to think about it. There is so much wisdom in this one sentence.

The more that I have reflected on it over time, the more truth I realize it holds. It relates to things that are positive, like the way that consistently showing up on time, or taking care of your possessions generalizes to many other ways you live.

You might also notice things that are not so positive, such as making rash decisions or snapping at people when they annoy you, and how those ways of being can be observed in many other aspects of your day-to-day life.

Are you inspired by what you realize, or are you sobered?

You get to choose

There is a mix of positive and negative ways of being in all of us, but we can tune in to the way we want to live, when we consider the truth of “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

We can find motivation to make changes, and emphasize the positive.

I invite you to reflect on the ways you can live your best life with more awareness.

With this awareness it will be easier to make small adjustments when you catch yourself in moments of living on “automatic pilot” that don’t support you to live your best life, so that you can make intentional small changes.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Can you relate to these short stories?

People ask me about my coaching all the time, and while I talk about working with accomplished women who yearn for change and want to make a big bold move in their lives, it's always the real stories that help people understand what the work is about, and who it helps.

And who doesn’t like stories?

While I could bend your ear for days, check out these (very short) stories.

Three stories about three terrific women

Story #1 | Pricing fears and asking for what your work is worth

Following my Live Big Live! retreat at the start of the month, I began working with a super-talented woman who has done major projects in her field for years. And still, what showed up at the retreat was a money story that many of us are burdened with — and that I related to from years past.

She struggles with how to ask for a fee that she knows is valid, without worry about what the client can afford. On top of that, she has a tendency to skinny her fees down with the hope that she’ll have a better chance to get the project. She allows fear to influence her pricing. That does’t feel good and it doesn’t serve her.

After just one private coaching session, where we worked on a proposal that is due soon, we not only focused on clearly right-pricing the work, but on presenting the scope in a brief but compelling way that felt great to her. And she included a fee that she knows in her heart is fair for what the project will entail and what she deserves to earn.

I love to support clients to make mindset shifts and also bring my business expertise into the work.

Is her mindset challenge “fixed” now? There will be more work to do to address the money stories and scarcity mindset that has challenged her for years, but we have made a big start.

Story #2 | Building a distinctive personal brand

Another client I am working with now is a rock-star in her field. Yet she competes with many other professionals who do the same type of work she does. In a networking program with many other similar experts she has struggled to differentiate herself and garner lots of referrals.

An additional challenge for her is showing up in big virtual meetings so that she looks great, feels confident and is consistemtly recognized.

Once again, my business and marketing background is coming into the work we are doing. We have moved through a process of getting super-clear about all that her work encompasses, how she does it, and identifying her best clients and the aspects of her work she most desires. We then honed a message that is short, distinctive, memorable, and easy for her to deliver. She now speaks it with delight, allowing her true personality and energy to shine.

We are also working on choosing the best place in her home environment for her to attend on-line meetings, so that she shows up well on-screen, even in a very small block. We’re selecting the clothes that work best on-screen and talking about hair, makeup, headsets and lighting so that she will connect to others with maximum impact.

It is a delight to watch this process unfold, and a delight to see the pleasure she is taking, step-by-step.

Story #3 | Refocusing and relaunching after a career pause

A newer client had taken time away from an impressive high-profile media career to focus on family matters (including divorce and a range of health issues), compounded by the impact of COVID. She is now ready to step back into her power and focus on her career again.

She realized that what she had done in the past is no longer a fit with her current life — as a parent, living in a new part of the country, and now seeing things with new perspective. The challenge has been finding a new, clear focus and creating a vision that is fueled by her clarified insights about her purpose. She also needs to choose a path that feels doable.

She is already well on her way. She is excited to be taking a deep dive into learning and she clearly envisions doing this new work. It will have a tremendous impact on a population she deeply wants to enlighten, and will support her to live the life she wants for herself and her child.

What story are you ready to make real?

All of us are on a path as we live each day. What do you envision as you move along your path?

We can all create the next chapter in our lives — whether it entails a big leap into something new or refining and optimizing the path you are on now.

What are you ready to step into, or up to, now?

I invite you to schedule Live Big Breakthrough Call with me to share what it is that you feel ready for.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to supercharge your thinking

Most people misunderstand creativity, and many are sure they are not creative. (I address this all the time, in podcasts interviews and when I speak to audiences of professional women.)

Rather than try to dispel those misconceptions today, I want to share a simple and actionable insight that anyone can use with ease, and that is sure to ramp up creativity and improve your life.

Put all of your brain power to use!

What, you say? I am not using all of my brain?

We live in a culture that leans hard into left-brain thinking.

We want data, we trust facts, and we look for logic all the time. We believe that by gathering all of that we can devise the best strategies and make our best decisions.

But when we hold that focus, we leave the gifts of our right-brain out of the picture. We fail to benefit from the rich insights and creative resources our right brains are there to provide.

How the right brain works, and what happens when we use it.

The right hemisphere of the brain is where imagination lives. Big ideas, new concepts and fresh thinking are spawned there. All of these can emerge when we understand how to get the best from our right brains.

And it's not hard to do!

Here are a few ways to set the conditions for your right brain to get going:

• Go for a walk around the block.

• Take a shower, or a bath.

• Look at the sky.

• Do some people-watching.

• Doodle.

• Sing or dance or play an instrument.

• Or even do nothing for 10 minutes.

Any of these will give your left brain a rest, allowing the right hemisphere to pick up bits of logic, facts and data and come up with fresh, new, surprising possibilities.

Who hasn’t marveled at how they got a great idea in the shower? Now you know why that happened. You can easily create the conditions for great ideas to show up more often!

Abundant creative ideas are great — and there are even more benefits!

Tapping the right brain and opening creative channels also connects you to your intuition — an immense resource most of us miss as we rush through our days. Listening to your intuition is like having a second brain — there is so much innate wisdom available to you when this connection is clear.

When you make bigger connections to your intuition you will notice that your heart is more open. In that way you’ll connect to your true desires, deeply-held values, and reap more insight. That insight leads to personal growth.

I witnessed all of this happening with the remarkable women who attended my Live Big Live! retreat last week.

On each of the three days we spent together I included time for their right brains to play and added creative experiences along with teaching, exercises and sharing. I witnessed accelerated insights, open hearts and glorious inspiration as each woman took steps into her future — futures that are truly aligned with who they are, what they want, and what has deep meaning for each of them. It was a joy to see it all unfold.

I invite you to set the stage for more right-brain activation so that you, too, can be more inspired, create with joy, and Live Big.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

(And if you want to explore how Live Big Live! may accelerate your path to living big, schedule a call with me.)

3 questions to ask yourself everyday

Are you getting out to enjoy the wonderful fall weather? Making time to get into nature enriches the soul and the body.

I must admit that it’s been hard for me to make time to get outside and reap the array of pleasures and benefits lately.

With the Live Big Live! retreat coming up this week, family matters that need my attention, and oh so many things I am trying to fit into my day, I have been putting time for myself way down on my list of to-do’s.

Can you relate?

But here’s the thing I know. When I move my self-care up to make it a top to-do, everything else gets better.

Have you tested this out?

Last week I made a point of getting out to take a walk, even when I was super-busy. And, as I have experienced in the past, lots of great things happened as a result.

I felt refreshed — both in body and spirit.

I had time to think without distraction. Ideas started to pop up like crazy.

I waved hello to neighbors I rarely see.

I captured a few photos of beauty that I noticed as I walked past lovely gardens.

I returned to my desk with new energy and perspective, and moved more quickly through a number of tasks that had felt burdensome earlier in the day.

Why do we forget what we have already learned?

As you can imagine, what I described was not a new revelation. I learned long ago that making time for myself, in any number of ways, always pays off.

And I teach this! These lessons are threaded throughout my book!

While I could beat myself up for not staying on track and tending to time for my own well-being, I know that as a human (not a machine!) I am not in a fixed state of being. And modifying my life-long inclination to work hard is an ongoing process.

How to stay aware and get back on track

I have found that asking myself three key questions on a regular basis helps. I created a small reminder card for myself, that I have placed where I see it often.

You might want to grab this PDF and print it out for yourself. Or, write your own key questions. What will prompt you to make time for small ways to boost your well-being and make each day lighter and happier?

By keeping a reminder handy, you will be less likely to fall back into habits that do not support you to live your best life each day.

And, having asked myself these questions again just now, I am stepping away from my desk to feel the sun, breathe fresh air, and enjoy a brisk walk around the block!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to add some sizzle to your life

We all need inspiration from time to time. Maybe you feel challenged to come up with a solution to a problem. Maybe you are feeling down because something did not go your way. There are lots of reasons we may want to add a dollop of energy to lift our spirits.

I invite you to consider that you can give yourself a boost every day when you think about how to bring creativity into your life.

I had the delightful opportunity to speak to a group last week and teach about the power of adopting a creative mindset, and the big benefits of bringing creative expression into your life. We talked about all the ways you can do both of those things, and there was real excitement on the zoom screen.

What happens when you make time to create?

When you make a practice of doing something creative on a regular basis, big benefits will delight you.

You will connect to your intuition and find fresh ideas coming to mind. You'll be more energetic and excited. Your mood will brighten and everyone around you will feel the vibe, too. In short, you’ll feel more alive!

Even if you think you’re not creative, you can reap these benefits!

I hear it all the time — lots of people tell me they are sure they are not creative.

Others recall back to when they enjoyed art at school, or played an instrument, or were in drama club, but they have not done any of that in years.

And others find pleasure in creating in small ways but think that kind of creating “doesn’t count” because they are not great talents like the authors, actors, musicians and singers they admire.

It makes me especially happy when people tell me they do think they are creative — because I believe that everyone has creativity in them, and these people really enjoy that awareness!

No matter which category you identify with, I invite you to take a moment and consider that there are incredible possibilities to create and express yourself!

Ideas for how to add creativity to your life

Look at this list and see what tickles your fancy

• Grab some colored pencils and doodle, or fool around and sketch something on a shelf nearby.

• Think of music you’re in the mood for and dance like crazy.

• Write a poem — it can serious or light, and it doesn’t have to rhyme!

• Sing — in the shower, in the car, alone or with friends.

• Set the table to make it a beautiful expression of the mood you want to set (colorful and fun, romantic and cozy, elegant and formal, with a seasonal theme, or anything else).

• Build something — from a plan, from your imagination, or start with a kit.

• Plan a garden, tend a garden, or arrange flowers.

• Play an instrument — that clarinet that’s been in its case for years, or a kazoo, or do some drumming.

• Takes photographs. Your phone is a camera in your pocket. Choose a theme, or look for moments of surprise and beauty on your next walk.

• Pull out paints (maybe from your kids’ supplies) and experiment with color combinations and techniques.

• Do you love to collect something? Consider new ways to display your treasures.

• Think about ingredients you can use in a salad or other dish, with beautiful colors and textures.

And to get creatively inspired you can:

• Visit a museum or gallery. You might bring along a journal and sketch the art you are looking at.

• Attend a concert — in person or virtually.

• Pull out art books or find a museum site online with a style of art you are in the mood for. Look closely, and revel in the beauty.

• Take a class to learn something new, or gain a deeper experience of something you already enjoy.

• Make a regular date to do something creative and/or inspired with a friend or group of friends.

Join me for a monthly evening of creative fun!

Having a regular date with yourself to create is a wonderful way to keep creativity in flow.

In 2018 I launched monthly IgNight Creative Evenings and Creative Excursions so that women could join me for an evening of creative joy 12 times each year.

We used to meet in my studio, where we dove into a unique way of getting creative each time, and once each quarter I lead an excursion to a local museum in Boston. We all loved these evenings.

Since the pandemic, the IgNight Creative Evenings have gone virtual — and they have been awesome! The chance to be together and create has been especially meaningful in this time when we’ve all craved connection.

I have revamped the projects for each month so that eveyone can do them with materials they have on hand (which has been a good creative challenge for me!). Creative Excursions are still on hiatus, which means we now gather to create on zoom every month.

And happily, distance is no longer a barrier.

I have not spread the word about IgNight in some time, and am eager to welcome new people — from far and wide — to join us. Let’s enjoy this intimate, fun and inspiring time together.

Grab a spot to join us — check out the upcoming monthly dates and get some on your calendar. And feel free to share the link and invite a friend or two to come with you!

I hope to see you at an IgNight evening soon. And I’d love to hear about all the ways you explore to bring creativity into your life. Drop me a note any time.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

New season = new opportunities — how to spot them

We are now on the other side of Labor Day, smack in the middle of September. For some of us the temperatures are getting cooler and crisper, but no matter where you live there's change in the air.

Some of us love this time of year — the excitement of new starts and a sharper focus after slower days. Some of us feel sad that summer is ending and even dread the start of fall.

I believe that every season brings special opportunities as we move through the year. Consider bringing a fresh approach to thinking about the change of seasons that is now underway.

The precious gift that autumn offers us

Coming off of summer, with school back in session, markets full of lush fall flowers, and work gearing back up, we are in a transition period.

We are entering the season of the harvest — that officially starts with the autumn equinox on September 22.

The sun will rise later and dusk will be earlier day-by day, until the December solstice. And while this gets some of us down, there is much to celebrate now.

Just as fall brings opportunities to pick crisp apples, we have the opportunity to “harvest” everything we have set up so far this year.

Looking at this time as a rich opportunity to reflect and plan is a way to move ahead with both clarity and focused intention.

What have you been nurturing this year that is ripening and may be ready to harvest now?

Take some time to reflect on seeds you have planted and nurtured over the last months. We often rush through our days without this reflection, and miss seeing the big themes.

Set aside some quiet time to sit with a journal and consider many dimensions in your life.

These are aspects of your life to explore:

• Work and relationships — these often come most quickly to mind when we think about taking stock.

Go deep here, mining below the surface observations.

In addition to your nearest and dearest, what can you observe about relationships with others in your life?

In considering your work, think about the work you have been engaged with and the seeds you may have planted to do more of what you love, or shift your focus, or move to the next level in your business or career.

• Consider your self-care. It is easy for us to forget the importance of self-care. From exercise to sleep to nutrition and our emotional and mental wellbeing, what are you harvesting now?

• The environment you have, or are creating, has an impact. This category is another that is often underappreciated. How has your environment — from the room in which you spend your work hours to the places you go to for leisure — influenced your life this year?

• Do not overlook your spirit. How have you nurtured it, and what has happened when you did? Spend some time exploring this special dimension of your life.

Take stock of your observations.

What you observed and reflected on may excite you or give you perspective on how to leverage your efforts to date so that you can take clear action to reach the outcomes you want.

Your observations may also inspire you to refocus, change focus, or add a new focus now, in any number of ways.

What you observed is likely to include fruits you expected — and, you may also find things that you did did not expect. These can be happy observations, or not.

While it feels great to consider how to make the most of the good and unexpected observations, you may feel concerned about what to do if you find yourself harvesting things that you don’t feel excited about.

This is the perfect time to move forward with intention

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for some time, you know that I believe we all have enormous creativity inside of us, and that we can all be powerful creators in — and of — our lives.

And, when you believe you are a creator, and practice approaching your life that way, you can embrace the blessings in all of what you are harvesting.

Creators can see opportunities, or consider how to to take action to make opportunities, in all situations.

If you approach the new season with this mindset, incredible things are possible.

Try this next.

I invite you to take a fresh sheet of paper and make two columns.

One side, list the items you are harvesting now with delight. Next to each, write the intentions you have to make the most of it in the next months.

What actions will you take? What mindset can you focus on that will support you to take those actions and be proud and excited about your progress?

In the other column, list the items you are harvesting now that may challenge or concern you. For each of these, note your intentions to create positive steps to take to make the best outcomes possible.

Your first step for each of the items can be to create a list of possibilities. What are the possibilities for good outcomes? What are the possibilities for the next step you can take to move in a new direction and see what happens?

When you start exploring and creating — for items on both lists — you are able to take small steps, one by one, and continue to create as you go.

I would be delighted to hear from you

Let me know what you are harvesting now, your intentions for the months ahead, and how you feel about moving forward in this season. Leave a comment here or drop me a note.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Who doesn’t love a quick-fix?

Last week I wrote about the power of positive thinking, and shared a number of strategies to use when negative thoughts show up. In case you missed it, you can read it here.

I have an additional idea to share with you today — it’s an especially easy, fast technique you can use any time you need to quickly get into a better frame of mind. 

Because sometimes we just need a go-to technique to use on the fly.

Three quick steps to lift your spirits

All of these are great when used alone, but when you string them together they are especially effective.

1. Pause and get quiet

Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, or start down the path of negative thinking, a great first step is to briefly pause and take a few breaths.

If you can find a quiet spot to do this, that’s swell. But it works even in the midst of a busy or noisy place.

Simply close your eyes and take a few deep slow breaths. Tune in to the sensation of a full breath filling your body on your inhale. Make your exhale long and slow. 

Repeat a few times. That’s it!

2. Give yourself a little pep talk

Having let go of tension, this is a perfect moment to remind yourself of how amazing you are. Simply create a short statement of affirmation.

Say something like, “I am a remarkable, capable, loving person.” Of course, you can include whatever attributes you most want to affirm for yourself!

In this moment of thought you add a juicy dollop of self-love to your day! (If you want to learn about self-love and how to tame your self-critic, download my guide here.) 

This step takes your spirit a step higher.

3. Give yourself at least three “Yay Me’s”

I love having my clients share “Yay Me’s” — which are simply statements of acknowledgement for good things they have done. These opportunities for self-appreciation can be about small moments of courage or commitment, or bold steps or accomplishments, or anything in between.

While you may want to think back to acknowledge yourself for something significant you did in your past, be sure to recall at least one or two things you did in the last 24 hours.

This gives you evidence that you do great things all the time, and adds a boost to set you up for positivity for the rest of your day.

Take note of meaningful shifts

This short process can be completed in as little as one to two minutes!

You can extend it if you wish, but even when done quickly, the stress-filled or negative thoughts you felt at the start will be changed.

You are bound to experience both a physiologic change and an energetic change.

Do you feel calmer? Refreshed? Are you thinking more positive thoughts?  

Look for an opportunity to use this process for several days in a row (whether or not you are experiencing stress) and see how the cumulative effect adds up.

You can amplify this process

When you are in a positive frame of mind more of the time, you can choose to think more creatively — about everything in your life! Why not look for ways to bring your positive energy into the next conversation, or the next solution to a client’s challenges, or whatever you are focused on today?

Leave a comment or email me and let me know how this quick 3-step process works for you — as well as any of the other suggestions I shared last week. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to be a positive thinker (really!)

Thinking — it’s something we do all day, every day. And most of us rarely pause to consider the impact of what we think about.

I invite you to take a pause with me now.

Consider that, with awareness, your thoughts can become a super-power in your life.

The power of positivity

When you consciously focus on positive things (such as things you desire, new ideas and possibilities that excite you, or anything else that lights you up) and hold your focus on what’s possible and great outcomes, wonderful things happen.

Many of us start thinking about something that excites us and quickly shift to thinking about all the reasons it will be impractical, or hard to achieve, or we conjure a host of possible obstacles.

With intention, you can choose to stay with, or return to, the energy that excited you to begin with.

Not only will your positive thoughts keep you focused on taking action toward your desired outcomes, the energy you exude will impact everyone around you in great ways.

Your positivity and enthusiasm will naturally excite others, and it will attract people to support you.

Positive thoughts lead to positive energy, and that energy can be sustained and expand, even as you navigate challenges along the way.

How to avoid the pitfalls of worry, fear and doubt

Try these strategies whenever you struggle to think positive thoughts.

1. Turn around negative emotions

When you trust yourself and follow your heart, it is easier to connect to positive energy than you may think.

That said, we all have times when we feel low — we are human!

When that happens, you may want to wallow there, or you may want to ignore the feelings.

Instead, get quiet and sit with the emotion. Feel it. And from there you can “exercise” that emotion to transform it.

How?

Create with it!

For example, you might write out your feelings of sadness in a poem, or make a picture that expresses your frustration or confusion. You can dig in a garden, or dance to loud music, or hammer away in a workshop to release anger. Approaches like these help you to get the emotion offloaded from your thoughts and help you to feel lighter. From that place you can calmly refocus on the positive.

2. Tune out negativity around you

We sometimes find ourselves in the company of people who are filled with negative energy. It’s easy to be drawn into that unhappiness, anger, anxiety, or fear.

With awareness, you can keep from falling into the trap of absorbing negative contagions.

Start by finding a quiet place to sit and breathe in silence. When you focus on the present moment and your breath, you can separate yourself from the negative energy. If you breathe this way for as little as two minutes — or longer if possible — you will feel a shift. Or, you may want to sit and listen to a guided meditation, or walk in a quiet beautiful place. Any of these will help you find peace.

After that recentering, you can make a choice. Maybe you will not return to the conversation, or choose not to be in proximity to the person or group that was filled with negativity. Maybe you will return, but will state your point of view and declare that that you will bring a positive frame to discussing the situation.

Knowing how to get back to center will enable to start thinking positively, and choose the way you want to take action.

3. Adopt an abundant mindset

Rather than waiting to respond to negativity, you can preempt much of it when you embrace an abundant mindset.

How to begin?

Try incorporating one or more of these approaches in your day-to-day life:

• Focus on appreciation and gratitude. When you tune in to all there is to appreciate in your life, every day can automatically be filled with thoughts of gratitude.

• Choose to be generous. Be generous with your time. Be generous with your thoughts — yes, you can look for the best in people, realizing most people are doing the best they can. Be generous with money. Be generous with expressions of appreciation to others.

• Welcome abundance. This means feeling deserving and being ready and open to receiving more love, more income, more happiness, more kindness.

• Be curious. Ask yourself questions like, “What if it's possible that...?” and “What can I create now?” No matter the circumstances, you can always think creatively and create your next best, most positive step forward.

• Reframe. There is nearly always a way to reframe a less-than-optimal situation. Ask yourself how you might see it with fresh eyes to find the positive — or how you might find a way to turn things around.

An abundant mindset is a huge asset we can all cultivate.

Why not shift your thoughts today?

There’s no time like the present to consider how much your thoughts are focused on the positive, and to pay attention to when your thoughts dwell on the negative. And no time like now to choose the way that most appeals to you to build or expand an abundant mindset.

With ongoing awareness and practice, you will quickly realize any time your thoughts sink into negativity, and you can refer to these suggestions to shift your focus back to the positive.

Like any change you want to bring into your life, developing a habit of being a positive thinker will take practice. You may want to pick out a small journal to keep on hand and make notes to track how things are going as you focus on this new approach to your thoughts. It will help you to more quickly make positive thinking an automatic way of living.

This superpower is free for you to cultivate. Please let me know how it works for you!

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Why we say “Yes” to things that are “No’s”

Last week I suggested five steps you can take to love your to-do list, and end the feeling of overwhelm that to-do lists bring on for so many of us. The response to that post was tremendous.

I want to go a bit deeper on this topic now, because there are common reasons that smart, ambitious women tend to overload their to-do lists. If you followed the process I offered last week, you may have removed items and wondered how they got on your list to begin with.

Consider why you say “Yes”

We have all done it — said, “Yes” to things we really do not want to do. Those things not only make for an overly-long and overwhelming to-do list, they usually cause us to feel resentment.

There are several reasons that we tend to say “Yes” and regret it later.

While all three of these reasons may not be relevant to you, consider them in this order:

1. We want to be nice.

Many of us were raised to be nice. Feeling obligated to be nice all the time leads lots of women (and men) to become people-pleasers.

It’s hard for people-pleasers to say, “No.” Their impulse is to avoid conflict. Over time, people-pleasers are burdened by all they agree to do. 

We often confuse being nice with being kind. One can kindly decline a request or disagree with someone. It takes awareness and some practice, but people-pleasers can learn to kindly take their power back!

2. We are unfocused.

A lack of clarity is a big reason that people say “Yes” so often that they become overwhelmed.

When we do not examine what we really want to do — with a focus on what truly matters to us the most — it is likely that we will agree to so many things that we find ourselves spread too thin and feeling splattered.

Spend some time considering where you want to aim your focus and why. With that in mind, you will say “Yes” with more discernment.

3. We fail to set boundaries that align with what’s important to us.

For some people it can feel harsh to set boundaries, but good boundaries are key to living a sustainable and happy life.

We all have a finite amount to time, energy and attention to expend each day. Thus it is crucial to consider the boundaries that will support you to make the most of every day.

Good boundaries need to be in place with both the people you are close to and those you are not so close with.

Consider the boundaries you might set with with colleagues and with clients.

And consider setting personal boundaries if you notice intrusions that hamper your attention, time and/or energy. You may want to limit your impulses to dive down rabbit holes like time spent on social media, researching topics far more extensively than is required, or long stretches of screen time.

Boundaries can be set more easily when you have clarity, and they can always be set with kindness!

Honor what you choose to make your focus

I invite you to thoughtfully explore the three topics above. What things are most important to you, and what changes will support you to keep your focus on them?

Keeping a focus on the things you most desire will give you a boost of positive energy, as well as more time in your life to realize them. Why not begin to implement these ideas, and see how they can support you to live each day with less stress and more satisfaction?

And if you want to think about getting help to address deeply ingrained practices and habits that stand in your way, so you can more easily bring significant change into your life, let’s talk. I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I'll be glad to give you new insights and perspectives about your challenges and hear about the changes you want to make. We can explore if my coaching is a fit for you — and if not, that’s fine. We’ll sort out your next best step.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to love your to-do list

When you look at your to-do list do you feel overwhelmed? Most of us do!

We are busy with lots of things to do and we have many interests. We strive to achieve. We are passionate and eager to have an impact.

And day after day, all of those to-do's and desires add up and can feel heavy.

Try a new to-do approach

Here is a new way you can orient yourself to all the things on your to-do list. With your latest to-do list in hand, grab a fresh sheet of paper and follow these steps:

1. Focus on what brings you joy.

Scan the old list and put a bright-colored, big star next to the items that make you happy to think about doing. Be sure to also mark those things that will lead to outcomes that make you smile to envision — whether they are short-term or longer-term outcomes.

Start a new list, write “JOY!” at the top, and write those starred things on the list.

2. Create the next category — things you want to do.

Look through what is left on your old list and add a new colored bullet next to things you want to do. The “wants” need not be quite as exciting as your starred “joy” items, but they are a close second and belong on your new list.

Add them in the next tier of your new list, under the heading “WANT!”.

3. Take note of any “shoulds” on your old list.

If you see things that are there because you feel you “should” do them — whether that “should” was imposed by someone else or comes from your own thoughts — mark those “shoulds” with a big “X”.

Determine to drop those things!

That said, if you realize you do want to do any of them for some reason, reframe them as something you “want” to do and add them to the new list in the second tier. (Then, when you see them in the want category, you will approach them with a positive feeling.)

4. Identify things that need to be done.

We all have things on our lists that have to be done — but often we put things into this category when they really may not need to be there. Assess and mark the “need to be done” items with care, and add those to the next tier on your new list — labeled “NEEDS TO BE DONE”.

The trick here is to get these to-do’s done as quickly as possible. That will relieve the stress of seeing them linger on your list — or the stress of bearing the consequences if deadlines are missed.

The ideal way to get the “NEEDS TO BE DONE” to-do’s done quickly is to delegate them to others who can do them for you!

Make a sub-list of the items you can delegate. Be sure to put a check next to those items as you hand them off, and cross them off when you get confirmation they have been taken care of.

5. Look at what may be left on your old list

Are there any orphaned items, that did not get transfer to your new top tier JOY items, the second-tier WANT items, or the NEEDS TO BE DONE tier?

Think a bit about anything that has not been assigned. Might those to-do’s be delegated?

If you determine that they are not that meaningful or important to you, can you drop them?

Letting go of things is easier after careful consideration, and doing that can be liberating!

Assess your energy now

By working from your new list, making the things that fill you with delight — or will feel exciting to achieve — your top focus, you are bound to feel positive energy.

Being guided by the new list will help you keep from spreading yourself too thin; you’ll avoid the struggle of trying to do too many things.

Rather than feeling depleted and frustrated by not getting enough traction on things you care about the most, keeping your focus on what lights you up will feel wonderful!

That's how you can hit the sweet spot for where to put your precious time and attention.

And that feeling of rich energy will not only support you as you move through your tasks, it will help everything in your life to feel lighter and better.

On top of that, everyone around you will sense your positive energy. Taking this new approach to your to-do’s, you will not only help yourself, you will help others in subtle and meaningful ways.

More ideas are on the way

Next week I will go deeper into this subject, to give you more insights and suggestions to help you live each day in the flow of positive energy.

Learning how to leverage your energy, in many small effective ways, will fuel your life and help you live big!

If you want to talk about the ways you can live a life that is fueled by more positive energy, to get past stress, fears or doubts, I invite you to schedule aLive Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I'll be glad to give you new insights and perspectives about what hinders your energy, hear about the dreams you have for your future, and talk about what’s possible for you. We can explore if my coaching is a fit for you — and if not, there’s no problem. We’ll sort out your next best step.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Do you feel the call to greatness?

I have some deep questions to ask you today.

• How big are your dreams?
• What does the future you yearn for look like?
• And as you think about that future, who do you want and need to BECOME to make that life a reality?

I know these can be challenging questions to consider. And I know, too, that if you shy away from them, you will miss out on a huge opportunity to become a creator of the bigger, more fulfilling future that is possible for you.

I know because it wasn't so long ago that I did not dare to ask myself questions like these.

What’s holding you back?

Maybe, like I did a decade ago, things feel safe for you now, and it feels comfortable to maintain the status quo. And yet deep inside you sense that you are settling (even settling for something that's good), knowing that more is possible.

Maybe, like many of my clients, you have a desire to make a bold move — to go for that next level in your career, or start or grow a business, or step into your power in other ways — but doubt that it’s possible, or that you can do it on your own.

Maybe, like many women, for many reasons, you feel the urge to make a change but don’t know what you want in the next stage of your life.

Maybe your confidence has taken a hit along the way, which compounds the confusion or the feeling that you are stuck.

Maybe it just feels too daunting to consider stepping into a bigger version of yourself.

Maybe you feel the desire but don't know how to get started, or how to reach for your dreams.

What if you had support?

Having lived through a massive transition in my own life, I know creating a new reality entails three things.

Start with willingness — willing to believe in yourself, and willing to get help. When I realized my life could light me up in bigger ways, I was willing to step into creating a bigger future. And felt I could safely do that with a great guide.

Next, believe — believe that you matter, and believe in your ability to take steps toward a life that will bring you new levels of satisfaction and joy.

Then commit — to yourself. That means making commitments to be focused and to implement changes that will be life-changing.

I learned that all of these are easier to bring into your life — and lead to bigger results — when you have support.

This can be your time.

If the questions I posed have stirred a knowing inside, the sensation that it is time to step into your power in a bigger way, create a future where you show up as you best self, and bring more of your greatness into the world, then read on.

Last year at this time I created a new way to support accomplished women like you.

Both my private clients and group clients had been making life-changing transformations, and I wanted to bring the best of both coaching approaches together. I designed a new signature program, Live Big Live!, that gets enormous results, in a more compressed time. And, I designed it so that busy women like you can comfortably fit it into their lives.

Three cohorts of remarkable women have experienced Live Big Live! in the last year, and their lives have been transformed. (You can see what past attendees of Live Big Live had to say about their experiences in some lovely short videos.)

The Fall 2021 program is about to kick off — and there are still a few spots left in this intimate program, One may be perfect for you.

I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me soon. We’ll talk about your deep desires, your questions and concerns, and what's possible for you. We’ll explore if Live Big Live! is a fit for you — and if not, there’s no problem. We’ll sort out your next best step.

When you become a leader in your life and start to truly live big, you will be a force of change in the world. You deserve that, and we all need that.

Our conversation can be your first step into that remarkable future.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Even perfectionists can learn to love mistakes

Kintsugi restoration of a broken bowl

Many of us struggle with perfectionism to one degree or another.

I was burdened with a compulsive drive for perfection for much of my life. I strove to make perfect decisions (a topic I wrote about in a recent blog post).

I tried to make everything I wrote or created as perfect as could be.

I struggled to look as perfect as possible, and watched the way I spoke, for fear of being judged as not good enough.

And on it went.

Perfectionism was so much a part of my life that my children teased me about how “picky” I was. It was said with humor, but the fact that young teenagers commented on it is evidence of how much perfectionism showed up in my life.

When I look back now I recall how exhausting it was to constantly struggle for perfection.

The gift of choosing a new way to live

A huge gift for me — that is available to you, too — is one I have enjoyed on my journey of change and growth in the last decade. In short, it’s the feeling of liberation I experienced as I loosened my grip on perfectionism.

You can begin to shift away from perfectionism by practicing Self-Love. Self-Love is a fascinating a topic that I write and speak about often, and about which I created a short guide, that you can download for free.

The guide will also help you understand the role of perfectionism as one of a number of ways your Self-Critic attempts to sabotage you. You will get an array of suggestions to start freeing yourself from the restraints of your Self-Critic.

Having brought an awareness to how harmful perfectionism was for me, and practicing ways to release it, I am now able to celebrate the “good” without experiencing the anxiety of aiming for “perfect.”

I allow myself to explore and experiment with ease. And I appreciate the gifts of creating and exploring no matter what the outcomes are. I’ve embraced the realization that even “failures” offer wonderful opportunities.

Letting go of the tension associated with perfectionism has been a gift that has kept on giving!

Magic can show up when you make mistakes!

When you chose to feel free and try new things without fear of less-than-stellar outcomes, magic can happen.

Things that seemed like “mistakes” to me before have often lead to marvelous end results.

And looking back I see that I often did not have the experience of enough “mistakes.” My fear of trying new things because I was preoccupied about them falling short of my idealized standards, kept “mistakes” from happening that might have become breakthroughs.

When you start without aiming for perfection, you, too, will find your mind and your heart opening up to lots of ideas and possibilities. These ideas will feel ripe for testing and exploration, and you can choose those that you want to play with.

It’s in the process of trying new things without fear that we learn and discover.

We learn what works and what doesn’t (the “mistakes”), and in many situations we discover surprises of all sorts. You can then follow the surprises and find solutions or results that may go far beyond what would have been possible had you not felt free enough to test and play with them.

You might even fall in love with imperfection

When you allow yourself to embrace it all without feeling that everything must always be perfect, you see the world differently. You see possibilities and appreciate beauty where you once would have seen mistakes or brokenness.

You may be familiar with the marvelous Japanese art of Kintsugi, which is an ancient practice of restoring things that are broken and celebrating the fractures by highlighting them with gold.

Check out this lovely BBC video to see how Kintsugi is made, and the magnificent outcomes of this art.

Then consider the possibilities in your own life, to create magnificently — even from fragments of past imperfection.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Here’s a sure fix to stop sabotaging yourself

I think a lot about the words I use, and as a coach I listen carefully to the words I hear others use. What I hear often surprises me.

The biggest surprises typically relate to the ways people speak about themselves, and how they share the ways they speak to themselves.

The words we choose really matter

First, think about how you talk about yourself.

I frequently hear people speaking about themselves in ways they would not speak to others. And they often fail to have awareness about the harshness of the words they use, whereas had they heard those same words from someone else they would bristle.

A statement like, “I was out of control yesterday, and really screwed up,” is a good example.

If it was changed to something like this: “I had a tough day yesterday. With all the stress of trying to do more than was reasonable, the draft I turned in was not my best effort. I’ll improve it tomorrow.” the speaker would feel a lot better.

With awareness, you can shift to ways of speaking so that you stop beating yourself up and cutting yourself down. Imagine how that would support you as you moved forward.

Consider the self-talk in your head, too.

When we heap negative or harsh self-talk on ourselves, it chips away at our belief in what is possible for ourselves. That doubt is a confidence-killer. As a result, so much that is possible is never even attempted.

Just as you would not tell a child they are not smart enough to learn something, or discourage them from trying to do something they really want to explore, adults often give themselves damaging messages just like that.

By paying attention to the words you use in your head, you can choose encouraging, self-loving, positive language, that will help you to feel optimistic about moving forward.

Do you lock yourself in with negative statements?

I also feel sad when I hear people use negative language that is “fixed” about themselves.

I frequently hear statements like these:

“I’m terrible at thinking on my feet in a meeting.”
“I can never get projects done on time.”
“I hate sales and will never get good at it.”

When we declare these types of things that have been a struggle for us as being true and fixed, we keep ourselves stuck in that limitation. By stating instead, “In the past I have felt stressed in selling conversations,” we keep the door open to possibility, learning and change.

Do you “should” yourself?

The word “should” is one of the worst offenders, and crops up everywhere — in the ways we talk about ourselves, to ourselves, and lock ourselves in to limitation. This judgmental word causes unhappiness and damages people in countless ways.

Rather than saying, “I should...” see what happens when you change your thinking to what you want, or what needs to be done for a reason that matters to you.

“Shoulds” are rooted in external pressures or the expectations of others. When you feel agency in your life and in the world, you can let go of the “shoulds.”

Change your self-talk and change your life

Bear in mind that the words that hold us back also impact our energy. And the energy we hold in every action we take has a tremendous impact on our outcomes.

Imagine turning around any of the negative examples I have shared above, or any that have popped into your thoughts while you’ve been reading this.

Now imagine taking action with the energy of the negative messages running in your head, and compare it to the energy you’d feel if you held the positive messages in your thoughts.

The outcomes of every effort, or conversation, or even what you can imagine to be possible will be so much more expansive and will hold so much promise when you use positive words that delivery positive energy to fuel you.

It takes some attention to focus and catch yourself when you use language that limits you, so that you can reframe the words you use.

With practice, awareness and attention, you will start to tune into the language you hear and appreciate positive expression. You will also be aware of negativity.

One example of a negative use of words that I frequently notice, is the word “anxious” when someone means “eager.” For example, they’ll say, “I am anxious to attend that concert!” when they just told you how much they love the performer and their music. Listen to the energy of the sentence when it’s changed to, “I am eager to attend that concert!”

In time it will be get easier, and even automatic for you to notice negative talk on the spot and reframe each message. And you will get used to the fun of feeling the new energy that comes along for the ride when you make those changes.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Two surprisingly powerful ways to start living big now

Generosity has been in my thoughts lately, and I’ve noticed how it’s been showing up in conversations with my clients.

I am also thinking about the close link between gratitude — about which I wrote a chapter in my book — and generosity, and how bringing a focus to both of these can have a positive impact on our lives when we aim to live big.

But let me begin with some context.

My book, Live Big: A MAnifesto for a Creative Life, is organized in two important sections, as I will share below. With clarity about that structure, I can better talk about generosity and the connection I see to gratitude.

Why to think about the BEING of living big

On my journey to shifting my professional life to coaching and helping accomplished women — and people everywhere — to live big, I became keenly aware of two ways we can live our best lives.

The foundation is what I came to call “the being of living big.”

With a solid base for who we need to BE to live the big lives we want, we can begin to focus on the things to DO, and make amazing change happen.

While doing helps us live big in exciting ways, starting with a focus on being powerfully supports the doing.

The being chapters in my book include slowing down and being still, living in the present, loving more and living without fear, cultivating patience, feeling free, being grateful, seeing wonder, aligning with your purpose and being true to your heart. Not surprisingly, many of the chapter topics in the first half of the book pair well.

If I write a second edition to the book, I’ll have new chapters to add, and generosity is one I will add to the being section. Generosity pairs beautifully with gratitude.

Why being generous helps you to live big

When you bring a focus of generosity to your daily life — which can include cultivating a generous, kind spirit; giving to others in need; giving others the benefit of the doubt rather than judging them; giving your energy to causes that are important to you; and more — you will reap wonderful benefits.

You will likely build a more optimistic frame of mind, trust more, and feel a deeper connection to your heart.

You may reap health benefits — both physical and mental — and feel more energetic.

Generous people are observed to be happier and feel more fulfilled, and often report being more productive.

And I invite you to consider that there are small, lovely ways to focus on being more generous that you may not have considered.

While it is great to volunteer or make a charitable donation, when you give someone a compliment or positive feedback, or offer to share knowledge, or write a positive review for a restaurant you enjoyed or a book you read, or share a photo of an especially beautiful place, or mail someone a hand-wrtten note, you are being generous in ways that can have a great impact on the wellbeing of others.

In return, you are likely to get a boost of several feel-good hormones. What a gift we give ourselves by engaging generously with the world around us!

Generosity and gratitude go together like peanut butter and chocolate

Ok, so that flavor combination may not be your favorite, but think of cookies and milk, or bacon and eggs, or any other flavor combination that is more special because of the two parts together.

When you focus on ways you can be more generous — and I suggest considering ways to be generous to yourself, as well as with others! — and then create a gratitude practice to use each day, you get bigger, better results.

The emotional impact you will likely experience when being generous in more ways and more often, will make it easy to feel full of gratitude about your life.

There is a wealth of data about the benefits of gratitude. If you are interested in learning more, and seeing 3 exercises I offer to help you cultivate gratitude, check out the chapter on page 50 in my book.

And the more grateful you are, the more easily and naturally generosity will flow.

This dynamic duo can set the stage for many wonderful shifts in your life.

Your enhanced state of being will make it much easier to focus on the doing of living big

The second half of Live Big offers you 10 wonderful ways to choose from (as you need them) to live big.

You may want to be bolder, embrace change, create expressively, learn to listen to your intuition, tap your passion, play with ease, be resilient, cope with confusion, and passionately move into your future each day.

All of this is possible for you.

I learned these lessons on my journey, and help other people to bring these practices into their lives, to create the futures they truly desire. My book is a great way to be supported on your journey — whether you are just embarking or well on your way.

If you have stories to share about generosity, gratitude, or the way these work in tandem in your life, I would be happy to hear from you. Reach out and let me know, or leave a comment below.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Do you struggle when making decisions?

Do you dither?

It can be challenging to be decisive. Even the smartest people can find it hard to make decisions — chronically or sporadically.

I recall this challenge myself, years back, when I owned my design firm. I was asked by my team to please make faster decisions!

I was aware of taking my time to be sure I was thinking things through carefully, but had no idea that my slow decision-making was a problem for my team. I was holding them up.

They assured me that even if I made an “imperfect” decision, they would be fine moving ahead and we could course-correct if needed.

Did it sting to hear that? It did a little. Was it helpful to hear it? Yes!

Why it can be hard to make decisions

In my case, indecisiveness was rooted in perfectionism.

I had a deep-seated belief that I had to be perfect — and perfectionism is a powerful way the self-critic loves to show up to sabotage us. (You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

I came to realized that I thought there had to be a perfect solution in response to any question or choice. Thus, deep down I felt that every decision I made had to be perfect.

Overly-deliberating about decisions was just one of many ways that perfectionism got in my way in those days! I was not conscious of it then, but it became clear that perfectionism was the underlying driver of my indecisiveness.

Fear — of failure, of conflict, of judgement, and more — is another cause of indecisiveness.

Fear is another huge way the self-critic steps in to limit us.

(You can learn about the self-critic, and the role of self-love to cope with the many ways the self-critic shows up, in the free guide I offer as a gift in my book.)

Fear of failure is incredibly common, and it’s a close cousin of perfectionism.

Many people fear making decisions because their decision may rock the boat and cause conflict. Or they fear that others will criticize their choice.

Some fear feeling remorse for a decision.

Fears like these can prompt people to push off making any decision at all.

Perhaps you are an over-thinker.

Some people believe they must think everything through from every possible vantage point. And there are times when it is wise to be very thorough in reviewing a matter.

However, over-thinking can become a habit and a crutch. It is often an indicator that procrastination is at play (and procrastination is yet another way the self-critic steps in to get in our way). 

Anxiety or depression may be making it hard for you to make decisions.

Anxiety and depression can make it very difficult for people to make decisions. The need to make decisions can make them feel overwhelmed. 

How I made faster decisions with less stress

The insight that I was holding others up by being indecisive, and hearing that they welcomed me to make faster decisions without assurance that my decisions would all be perfect (which is, of course, impossible to predict) freed me. 

I was able to trust myself to make decisions. I had “permission” to refine and make changes from that point forward.

It was a game-changer for me!

It opened the way for me to think expansively about what was possible, listen to my intuition, and make faster decisions.

I came to appreciate that I could continue to modify and create next steps as we moved forward.

Decisions that had felt so monumental began to look like steps along a path that was ongoing and full of possibility.

Adopting this approach can work similarly if fear is the factor that drives indecision, or over-thinking and procrastination are the root cause.

If you are aware that anxiety or depression are factors for you, I suggest you talk about that with a counselor, therapist or another medical professional.

What decisions are you making now?

As the world is opening up now, we have many new opportunities and many of us face making decisions of all sorts.

This can be exciting, or can bring on a sense of overwhelm. 

I urge you to try and approach making decisions with a new frame of mind, much as I learned to do. 

And if you feel called to make decisions now about the future you want to create, I’d be glad to meet with you. The next Live Big Live! starts soon, and it may be a great resource for you at this moment when so much possibility is on the horizon. 

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. There's no obligation or cost for us to talk.

Scheduling this call may prove to be the best decision you make today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How free do you feel?

Having celebrated Independence Day this past weekend, there’s been a lot of  focus on independence and freedom.

These are expansive topics, and they can be explored from many perspectives.

What is coming up for me — aside from the ways we can give thought to independence and freedom through the important lens of our nation and its inhabitants — is personal freedom, and how we declare our own independence.

How do you feel free in your life?

Consider when and in what ways you most feel free.

Think, too, about how you may feel constrained or, perhaps, how you may deeply yearn to feel more free.

Perhaps your work, your relationships, or your finances come to mind.

Perhaps your heart feels caged.

There may be a part of you that yearns to be expressed.

Perhaps you perceive the constraints to be external or in the hands of other people. Or maybe you know you have the power to make a change to feel freer, but don’t know how, or have not found the courage. 

Are there ways you want to feel wildly free, but you hold back (a little, or a lot)?

I invite you to spend some time exploring this topic.

Pull out a journal, set a timer for 10 minutes and do some free writing, to see what comes up. You might try the Discovery Dozen™ exercises on page 29 of my book, to explore what feeling free really means to you. Those prompts can reveal thoughts that are deeply buried in you heart.

Do you feel ready to declare personal independence?

For years, questions about feeling free never came up for me. I lived day-to-day-to-day without deep reflection. I did not even consider the subject.

After I started working with a coach and waking up in my life, I started activating creative thinking and creative expression.

As a result, the feeling of being free started to show up in ways that surprised and delighted me. I began to consciously appreciate and explore this feeling, and to expand it in as many ways as possible. Soon, every part of my life felt more vibrant.

It was from that place of feeling free that I declared my independence — from a life that was good, to pursue a life that was exceptional.

I was tired of settling for the status quo and wanted to spread my wings and freely create my next chapter. 

If you’ve been a reader of my blog for a while (or read my story on this site) you know that in 2011 I sold the business I owned for 27 years and embarked on a new path. I could not foresee the destination, but here I am, doing coaching work I truly love, in a marriage that has become even stronger and happier than before, having written a book I am proud of, and having become a painter.

Living with this freedom and personal independence is something I celebrate and feel grateful for every day.

Have I “arrived”?

Hardly. 

Each day offers me opportunities to open more.

On some days, the feeling of freedom eludes me, and I have to find it anew and claim it again. It’s easy to fall back into old limiting states of mind.

It’s the ongoing pursuit of feeling free, being willing to take new steps toward it when I backslide, believing in myself and feeling worthy of this way of living, and committing to the ongoing process of the exploration that has carried me forward.

Step into defining freedom for yourself

If you want to talk about what freedom can look like for you, and making it a reality, the timing could not be better.

The preparatory journey that will culminate in Live Big Live! this fall is starting soon.

Live Big Live! is powerful program, designed to give you enormous clarity about the life and work you want to create. You will be supported to begin to create a future filled with the freedom you want, with tools to help you each step of the way.

We can make a date to talk about what’s in the way for you now and the future you dream of. Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me directly — click here to find a spot on my calendar. There's no obligation or cost for us to talk.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.