Curious about how core values can help you live big?

It won’t surprise you that I have been thinking a lot about my mother, who died on August 21. (If you missed what I wrote about her last week, treat yourself to some inspiration.)

In my reflections, I have been thinking about the core values in her life, that informed the remarkable imprint she left on everyone who knew her.

Core values are front of mind for me these days. In the work I am doing with a group of remarkable women, I am helping each to go through a process of identifying her core values.

Why?

I believe we benefit enormously when we are clear about our guiding principles. We see ourselves with more clarity and insight. We can not only live with more integrity, we can more easily make decisions and choices that are right for us. And we are better able to create futures that align with who we truly are.

What can core values look like?

My mother’s core values, as I saw them, included:

• creating and elevating beauty in all she did, and inspiring others to see and create beauty

• creativity — she was a fantastic artist and her cooking was legendary 

• love — of family and friends, and she created meaningful new relationships with ease

• hospitality — closely related to love, hosting special gatherings gave her great joy

• striving for perfection — sometimes to an extreme

• justice — she believed in the rights of all people to be treated fairly and afforded opportunity

My mother rarely wavered. She was clear about all she believed in. These values guided her each day of her life.

How do a parent’s values influence you?

As my mother’s daughter, all of her values influenced my life.

Like most children, it was natural for me to try and model myself after my mother. This was mostly for the good. I adopted her love of beauty, I actively strive for social justice, and I love deeply. In time, I became an artist.

But occasionally, as in the case of her focus on perfectionism, the influence was not so positive. It has taken me years to be able to aim for excellence without pushing myself to the impossible extreme of perfectionism.

Can you see yourself through the lens of core values?

As we each grow and evolve through life, we become unique individuals. My list of core values has some overlaps with those I see as my mother’s, but it is unique to me. 

My list begins with love. Love is closely followed by creativity that's paired with curiosity. (Following my curiosity has helped to free me from the perfectionism that hampered me for many decades.)

Happiness, joy and gratitude are core for me. My love of beauty came directly from my mother. Exploration — of ideas and new places — is also on my list. 

Leadership paired with vision; justice paired with tolerance; generativity; and accountability paired with resourcefulness round out my list of values.

What about your values?

Have you thought about the values that guide you? If not, I recommend that you set aside some time to think about them, and identify your short list of what is truly central to the way you live.

Of course there are many attributes that matter to all of us. The challenge is to think of those that are most true, through and through, for you.

For instance, there may be lots of things that are important to you, like honesty, or boldness, dependability, honor, grace, success, uniqueness, patriotism, fidelity, piety, diligence, or security — to randomly name a few possibilities. 

When you think about things that ring true, consider if they are core values for you — if they always guide you. You can consider paired values, or related attributes, as I have in my short list above, as you get to your focused list.

And while you might want to think about where your core values originated, be certain all that you claim are yours! Remove anything on your list that’s imposed, or expected of you by others.

Aim to narrow your list to 6 to 8 core values.

How to use your list.

With your core values in hand, you have the opportunity to think about how you want to live into them.

Are there some values you want to expand, or go deeper with? For me, the realization that I had a long-held deep desire to explore more creative expression, but had allowed fear to limit me for so much of my life, finally supported me to enroll in a painting course. When I stopped stifling a core part of myself, and stepped into being an artist, my life changed in ways I never imagined would be so satisfying.

And remember that there are seasons in life when you can bring more focus to some of your values than had been possible at other times. Perhaps you will explore ways to expand the role of a key value as your life circumstances change.

Can you start to see new possibilities for yourself? Are there new ways to live your core values now, and new ways be bring them into your vision for the future, so you will live your biggest, best life?

Where will your core values take you?

Turning your attention to identifying your core values might feel like another “to-do” you don’t have time for. I get it. Life can be hectic.

And, your life can be enriched by creating space to consider what your core values are, and when you use them as a reference.

Making life decisions that are fully aligned with your values is very empowering. You are likely to feel clearer and bolder about your decisions when you have that resource to refer to.

If you would like to talk about core values and how they can help you move beyond what limits you into a future that will light you up, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be delighted to help you gain insight and clarity about changes you are seeking to make, and how you can be a powerful creator in your life. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

My mother’s lessons for all of us

If you read the email I sent to my subscribers last week, you know that I lost my mother, Doris Berenholz, on August 21.

While this has been a very hard and very sad week, it has also been eye opening in many ways.

I was enormously fortunate to have had my mother in my life for over 6 decades. She was 91 years old, and lived a full and rich life. And I am deeply grateful that my father is not only alive, but in good health. Not many people are so fortunate.

And, as much as I thought I knew what this week would bring, and thought that I knew my parents, I have learned so much that has deeply touched me.

Unexpected surprises

Because of COVID, we had a very small graveside funeral for my mother. As much as I missed being with more family and friends, the beautiful intimacy at the service, and in our time spent that afternoon in my sister's magical garden, was truly special. Dear cousins flew and drove to be with us, as did my son and his wife, despite the challenges of travel. And while we could not embrace, we held each other close in our hearts in a way that was remarkable. I hope that my mother's spirit could sense the love we all have for her, and the bonds of love between us.

I am a big believe in the power of love, but even I never expected it to be so palpably felt in this circumstance.

Also because of COVID, we were not able to welcome friends for shiva during the week. Zoom shivas have been going on for months, but this was the first time I was a mourner in such circumstances.

And there were gifts.

We were “with” family and friends from all over the world. That would never have been possible in “normal” times.

I was also able to see and hear from people who loved my mother, who I did not know, or had not seen in decades. One by one, they shared their remembrances of her — much of which I would likely have missed in a crowded room.

We leave a bigger legacy than we know

The most wonderful — and eye-opening — thing that happened, amidst the grief, was hearing so much, from so many people, about how my mother impacted their lives.

My mother touched people in so many lasting ways that I had never realized.

And much of what I did know and appreciate about her was described in ways that expanded and magnified the significance of her gifts.

Her generosity and her facility at starting — and maintaining — friendships was recounted in stories and with details I’d never heard.

She taught so many people meaningful things about cooking, art, and the ways that beauty enriches your life, that have impacted people’s entire lives. And her 70-year love affair with my father was noted as being a model for several marriages.

My mother helped people with advice about great ways to make their kitchens more efficient. She arranged people’s bookshelves with such beauty that they learned how to do the same elsewhere. She even sketched a guest house for cousins in France, that was built just as she drew it! She planned the interior, too, and that has made it a special, cherished place.

More than a few friends of mine and my sisters said they had always wanted to be the “the fourth Berenholz daughter” and live with my family. My mother was the person a number of teenage girls came to when they felt misunderstood by their parents. They also talked about all they learned from her, about art, food,  and surrounding yourself with beauty. One became an artist after my mother gave her an easel and oil paints. (All three of Mom’s daughters are artists, too.)

Girl Scouts from the troop she led in the 60’s talked about and sent us notes filled with stories. Her hikes and camping trips and love of nature, the work she had us do with orphans and foster children, and the ways she inspired each of them to follow their paths, changed their lives. She was less interested in having her scouts work toward merit badges; she cared about so much more than that.

What we can all learn from my mother

I do not think my mother had any idea of what an enormous legacy she left in the world. She was simply focused on all that she cared about: people, relationships, art, music, beauty, fine cooking, hospitality, nature, travel, social justice, and love.

The inspiration we can all take from her is to live a life that is true to who we are, and to savor each day. To share all of our gifts, and share them with a full heart. To love, and love more.

If we emulate her, when our time comes to an end, people will pour out stories about how we enriched their lives.

The ripple effect of a life well-lived, a life of love and generosity, is incalculable.

I am so grateful for all she taught me, and all the love she spread in the world.

What’s the legacy you want to create?

I can see how my mother’s influence played a huge role in bringing me to the woman I am today, doing the work I do in the world. I will be reflecting on this even more deeply in the days and weeks ahead.

If my mother’s story has prompted you to think more deeply about the life you want to life, and the legacy you want to leave, I invite you to spend some quiet time writing and exploring what emerges.

And if you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and how to get there, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be honored to help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, the changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to stay grounded when stress shows up

All of us have ups and downs. But in the times we have been living through, many of us find ourselves dealing with stress more frequently than in the pre-COVID era, or find ourselves stressed in response to situations that never existed before.

And, stress is not to be taken lightly or blithely brushed aside.

How stress takes a toll

When we are stressed, our bodies release hormones that increase heart rate and breathing. Strained respiratory systems can lead to asthma and other difficulties.

Stress causes tension that can be mild to debilitating. Painful neck and shoulder muscles are common, as are headaches — that range in severity.

Stress can influence our diets, causing cascading problems like acid reflux and other GI disturbances. 

And then there’s the emotional toll of stress, ranging from anxiety to fatigue to overwhelm to depression.

Further, the more stress we have, and the longer it persists, the greater the negative impact it has on or lives.

We do have power, even in stressful circumstances

Even when things feel really hard — and even when we cannot control much that we used to be able to control — we always have choices.

And choosing deliberately can ground you in ways you may not realize is possible.

Follow these 3 steps and see what happens.

1. Choose your frame of mind

If you feel anxiety rising, choose to quiet your body and your mind. Sit and breathe for several minutes, or meditate. Try some 4x4 box breathing or butterfly tapping — that I describe on the Thriving Now page on my site, where you will find many other good resources, too.

You may also want to release emotions by creating.

A client recently said that having gained new insights in our work about the power of creativity to cope with emotion, she made a vivid drawing of the anxiety she felt and that help her to release it.

Another client said that enrolling in a dance class months ago has turned out to be one of her best decisions. She is amazed at how it has helped her cope in challenging times.

By calming your nervous system and releasing unwanted emotions, you will feel better in the moment, and you will set yourself up for better outcomes.

2. Ask yourself good questions.

We are often faced with matters that feel so big, with so many unknowns, that we get paralyzed.

Now that you've gotten calm and centered, try this. 

Get totally focused on the present, and your options and opportunities. Ask yourself questions like these:

• What is possible?

• What is possible that I never considered?

• What if it’s possible that...?

• What can I create that may sound crazy?

• What wild idea could be the germ of a new way forward?

3. Create your next best step, and the one after it.

When you allow yourself to decide on just your next best step, you take a lot of pressure off of yourself.

Simply make your next best decision. Create one next step. Then chose the next step to take that is right for you.

This is a wonderful way for you to own your power.

You can be a creator in each moment.

And as you create, you are able to be more grounded, rather than pulled into stress.

Where will this process take you?

I would love to hear about the ways these ideas help you to to stand in your power, master your mindset and make forward strides in your life, even when the circumstances around you are tough. 

This is how you can create your life one step at a time — how you create your future. 

If you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and how to get there, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, the changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to make 1 life-changing change

Most of us go through familiar motions each day. After all, as humans we are creatures of habit and we don’t give much thought to our ingrained patterns. 

Some of our habits are fine, and many may be terrific. But most people who pause to think about it, realize that there are some ways they live day by day that are dissatisfying, if not problematic.

For some, the tiny device they carry all day is a huge distraction, and for many it serves as a seductive way to avoid doing things they want, or mean, or need to do. (There are variations on this theme, too, like indulging in Netflix binges, or scrubbing at the grout in the shower.)

For some, living in overdrive is habitual and exhaustion is the norm. They cannot remember how to get quiet and relax.

For others, worry is a habit.

Some overeat or drink as a way to numb themselves when they feel discomfort.

Some deplete themselves by always taking care of, and trying to please, everyone around them.

You can choose to cultivate new ways of being

You may be familiar with the idea of committing to a “practice” in your life. If not, you may have heard people refer to their yoga practice, or a meditation practice, or a self-care practice, or some other kind of practice.

Starting a practice is an excellent way to change habits that hinder you.

When I first heard the term “practice” years back, I found it curious — and I thought it was a bit pretentious. I now understand the concept of having a practice, and how meaningful and helpful it is.

When I decided to attend yoga classes, and found a teacher and classmates that felt like “home” for me, I began to understand what it means to have a practice in your life. I regularly attended classes and found yoga to be an important part of my life.

When you choose to adopt a practice, you commit to doing something new or different with ongoing focus and regularity.

What it looks like to adopt a practice

Yoga is a good form of exercise, but yoga is really about more than simply mastering physical poses. By choosing to have a yoga practice, you commit. Each time you get on the mat you learn more about how your body works, you slowly cultivate balance, you experience more flexibility and strength, you breath with intention. And as you do all of that, you become fully present to your body. You experience what it feels like to empty your mind and be only in the present.

You do not gain all of these benefits in a week. It is when you sustain a yoga practice that the benefits grow and become greater over time.

Adopting a sustained practice of any kind works the same way.

Your new practice — which can be establishing new guidelines for interacting with your smartphone, or new ways of cooking and eating, or creating a schedule for your days that matches your peak energy periods, or building regular movement into your life — will impact the way you show up in your life.

It will help you to be the person you want to be.

Who you want to be to live your best life?

Why not stop and consider who you want to be, and who you need to be, to live the life you truly yearn for? Asking yourself may help you identify a range of ways you want to commit to bringing new practices into your life.

You may want to learn to slow down and be still — and enjoy that stillness.

You may want to start living in the present moment, rather than replaying old experiences, reliving regrets, or pushing your thoughts out to what-ifs in the future.

You may want to feel more free and willing to experiment, play and try new ideas, rather than holding back until you feel certain of outcomes.

You may want to dive into an interest that you’ve been drawn to but have not pursued, for fear you won’t be good enough, or that others might criticize you.

Use these 3 steps to get started

A word of caution: Don’t slip into the trap of making lots of changes at once. That’s never wise. And, avoid getting overwhelmed by ruminating over all the possibilities for what one change to make.

These steps can guide your process:

1. Start by asking yourself this question:

What one new way of being do I feel most eager to adopt now?

Let your intuition chime in here, and trust it. You do not need to make a “perfect” choice — simply make a choice!

2. Next, consider what small new practice you can commit to that will help you to adopt that new way of being.

Find some uninterrupted time and brainstorm about this. (The Discovery Dozen™ exercise, that I teach in my book, can be a great resource for exploring possibilities.)

Having generated a list of ideas, what feels the most appealing? Aim to create a small new practice that you believe you can commit to.

3. Now it’s time to put the new practice into action.

Get started! Make adjustments if you find that something does not work so well, or shift to new variations if needed, but keep going.

Once you have landed on the way your new practice works for you, and you stay with it (even if it takes some getting used to at first), you will be on your way to becoming the person you want to be now.

And be sure to acknowledge and celebrate yourself after taking each of these steps. 

What’s next?

When you have a new practice comfortably in place, you will find that you can consider adding another new practice.

This is how we grow and expand in our lives.

This is how you can live big.

If you would like to talk about the future you want to create, and who you need to become to create that life, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want, what changes you are seeking to make, and what may be limiting you. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What will your wake-up call lead to?

Have you ever had a “wake-up call” that changed your awareness in some way?

I received an email the other day with a story that indicated a wake-up call had occurred. It was not dramatic or earth-shattering, but as I read it the note, I could see how meaningful it was.

Awareness was opened in a notable way. And that awareness lead to important impact.

What can happen when you explore

The woman who wrote to me shared a story that began when she watched a documentary that I have recommended to many people in recent weeks.

The 13th (that’s titled after the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, and available on Netflix and YouTube) opened my eyes about the history of race, justice and mass incarceration in our country. It brings to light the ways that the decades of policy since the end of the Civil War have contributed to so many ills that people of color have suffered, and continue to suffer, today.

What happened after she watched the documentary was remarkable.

She described a conversation she had with a close friend, soon after watching The 13th, in which she explored a new awareness about language that most of us use without a second thought — language that carries deep pain for so many.

She shared that the conversation she had was meaningful, for her and for her friend, and that she is now more aware of many subtle ways that pain like that is inadvertently and routinely perpetuated.

This was a powerful insight, for which she is grateful.

When we are open to new learning we gain so much

In addition to the day-to-day focus we have on our families and our work, we can invite enrichment into our lives.

We are enriched when we learn, and we can gain important new awareness. When we have a wake-up call related to subtle ways we have been uniformed, it can be incredibly valuable.

And we can take that new awareness a step further.

By bringing the awareness into a conversation, or when we consider things we used to say, or do, or write without a second thought, and consciously make a change, we grow and expand.

Not only do we benefit, we impact those around us.

And in that way, we impact the world.

Amazing, isn’t it?

How will you take a step to look for more knowledge?

You may dive in to explore more that is related to systemic racism, and the impact it has in our society.

You may want to learn more about another challenge that concerns you — the environment, educational inequities, poverty, homelessness, the pandemic, the state of our democracy, and more.

These are all excellent possibilities.

Exploring and learning = taking action

And, talking with others is important action, too. It not only expands your own awareness, you share your new awareness.

In turn, others are likely to become more aware and initiate or contribute to more conversations. And so the impact grows.

This is what leadership looks like

When you develop awareness about an issue or problem you want to help address, and are motivated to help resolve it, you are poised to proceed in any number of ways.

I always recommend that you start with small, conscious efforts, and build from there as you wish. Seek inspiration from others. Invite collaboration. Think creatively to devise a range of interesting approaches to pursue.

When you stay aligned with your values and step forward with courage you are leading, and modeling for others to do the same. You are impacting the world in your unique and important way.

The world needs the greatness in all of us.

We can each step into our power.

We can all live big.

I invite you to consider the impact you want to have — in your personal life, in your work, and in the world — by stepping into your power, and living all of your greatness.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. I’ll help you gain insight and clarity about what you want to create in your life, the impact you want to have, and challenges or questions that may be limiting you. And if we both think there’s a good fit, I can tell you about a new coaching program I have created that’s starting soon, and how it may be able to support you to create the future you want.  

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating

Three sure steps to take right now

Here we are, at the end of another month, halfway through the summer. 

We continue to live through a time of enormous disruption, and yet life is always affording us opportunities — even when it can be hard to see them.

What I am seeing now

I am observing shifts of many kinds. 

I talk to people who were rocked at the start of the pandemic, found the focus and energy to take action, and are now in a new lull as they contemplate moving ahead.

Some people report an upswing in opportunities in their work, and that they have found new and positive ways to keep connected to others and stay happy.

Some have realized that things they had been tolerating (personally and/or professionally) are no longer tolerable. They are feeling keenly motivated to take action and bring change into their lives. 

Some are diving into new ways to spend their time and realize this period has been a gift for them.

Many are finding they've created a new mix, or blend, of elements in their day-to-day lives, and they like the way they are spending their time, focusing their attention, and using their energy. They realize they are likely to adjust again as the world around them creates new conditions, but their new routine and combination of satisfying activities and initiatives is working now.

Wherever you are at this moment, consider these ways to support yourself.

1. Feel it all and “exercise” what you feel

Feeling our emotions — especially the tough ones — rather than stuffing them down or avoiding them, can seem scary. Sure, it's great when we feel excited and happy. But nobody is always happy.

Lots of people are champions at avoiding tough emotion. They numb themselves with mindless scrolling, endless Netflix, too many cocktails, overeating, and more. Some stay frantically busy or dive into excessive physical activity to keep from feeling them.

If you can allow yourself to simply be with the emotion in quiet, and feel what you feel, you can then use the energy of the emotion to transform it.

Yes, the pain or distress or anxiety can be dispelled.

How? 

• Set a timer for 5 minutes (or more) and write freely. See what shows up on the pages.

• Make art with what you feel — make the emotion visual any way you want.

• Dance the emotion, to let your body express it. Sing the feelings, or play them on an instrument. From the blues, to rock, to opera, to hip hop — anything is great.

• Get outside and feel your emotions under the sky, as you look at the world around you. Or dig in your garden, letting yourself connect to the awesome energy of nature.

And you can elevate positive emotions with any of these techniques. Why not make the most of the good stuff?

When you are in touch with what you are feeling, and actively honor and then “use” difficult emotions — or amplify good ones — you clear the way for fresh perspectives.

2. Decide what you want

It’s easy to feel stuck when you are unsure of what to do, or can’t imagine what might be possible.

Before you start writing out lists of possibilities, focus on your desire.

Sit where there are no distractions and get quiet. Close your eyes, put one hand on your heart and feel into your heart. Put your other hand on your belly and consciously connect to your intuition, to the wisdom in your gut.

 And listen.

You may hear soft, vague whispers or clear loud messages. Be patient. Stay in stillness. See what desires show up. 

You may not get answers all at once, but if you actively listen, you will connect to things your heart desires. 

Maybe you’ll yearn for more connection. Maybe you’ll realize you want to explore being a speaker. Maybe you’ll desire a change in a relationship. Maybe you’ll want to express yourself more fully. Maybe you’ll want to live in a new place, near people or resources you long for. Maybe you’ll realize that you want to reshape what you offer in your professional work.

Your heart always has desire, and connecting to it gives you a compass for moving forward.

3. Get creative and get choosy

Having connected to your emotions and desires, you can now consider your options in new ways. This is your opportunity to create!

You can look at things through new lenses — the lens of opportunity and the lens of possibility.

Opportunity and possibility are starting points for big thinking and for fresh approaches you can play with.

Start with the question, “What if it’s possible that...” and see what shows up. You can also use the Discovery Dozen™ exercise I teach in my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, to generate lots of ideas, and see which of the ideas you want to explore more deeply.

When you review your ideas, be selective. Eliminate the possibilities that feel heavy. Delete any that feel like “should’s” rather than “wants.” Continue to check in with your heart and your gut and stay with the ideas that light you up.

What happens next?

This is a good time to consider who can help you. Who can be a sounding board, or wise advisor, or coach? Who can help you stay accountable to the process of exploration, testing and taking action?

And try not to get overwhelmed. Neither exciting, big ideas nor more modest ideas require you to take giant steps! Small steps are the ideal way to move into something new (and small steps can be bold steps). These will let you set a solid foundation, as you take small action, and continue or adjust course as needed, with every step on the path.  

Let’s create together!

I have been feeling significant shifts as life has evolved and the last months have rolled along. I am excited about new opportunities that I am seeing, and a host of new things I am creating.

From a new more expansive and light-filled approach I am moving into in the studio when I paint, to new ways of navigating through the challenge of illness in a beloved family member, to a new program I have designed to support great women to create the next big vision for their lives and start living it, I am moving forward in new ways.

I invite you to share what you are facing in your life now, and what you yearn to create in your future.

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call, and I will help you gain insight and clarity about your challenges and questions and desires. And if we both think there’s a good fit, I can tell you about my new coaching program that’s starting soon, and how it may be able to support you to create the changes you want to make. 

Today is a great day to take a small and meaningful step.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

These questions can unleash your greatness

I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of “living big” lately. 

I talk about living big all the time(!), but I have been thinking about it in terms of my life, and my path through life.

Because I did not live what I now consider to be a big life for many decades. And I have learned a lot from reflecting on the path that brought me to my life today.

And as much as I was influenced in many ways to keep myself small as I was growing up (that I understand more clearly now than ever before), I see that my lack of awareness kept me living that way well into adulthood. This has been an unfolding revelation.

We humans are complex beings

And yes, we are able to learn, grow and expand.

There’s no magic spell that enables us to cut through the complexity and make quick change. But we can change.

We can be guided to get clear about the things that have been in our way, and we can be guided to heal old wounds and step into new ways of thinking, believing and living.

And I feel an urgency for more of that to happen.

There is greatness in all of us

My story proves that even when you have been shut down, taught to keep quiet, disconnected from your truth, lacking in confidence and living in fear, and even when that small way of living continued for years and years, as it did in my life, it is possible to emerge.

Your story is likely to have different elements. But most of us have had influences and have acquired stories that have shaped our beliefs in ways that have limited us.

All of us can find our voices.

It is possible to step into the light.

It is possible to rise above fear.

It is possible to believe in an abundant universe.

It is possible to become a powerful creator in your life. 

There is enormous greatness waiting to be tapped, waiting to be unleashed in all of us! And now is the time for more of us to begin to step into that power, or continue on our paths.

Now more than ever, ask yourself good questions 

We are living in an extraordinary moment. There are challenges of enormous proportion all around — in the greater world and in each of our day-to-day lives. 

If ever there was a time to approach life as a powerful creator, it is now!

This is an opportunity to orient your thinking from the starting point of asking questions that will help you think and act in new ways.

Choose liberally from this list:

“What can I create now?”
“What do I deeply desire?”
“How might I take a new or different approach?”
“What can I learn?”
“What idea might I test?”
“What’s possible?” 
“What if it’s possible that...?”
“What would I do if I were not afraid?”

Look for inspiration every day

Each day I look for inspiration, and you can, too.

I find inspiration that calls on me to find stillness and listen deeply. It tells me that there is more greatness waiting to be tapped and more boldness to bring forth. It supports me to take the next steps on my path, to expand again and again.

And that inspiration expands my definition of living big.

It expands the definition of being a powerful creator.

This excites me because creation brings change into the world.

And my aim is to be a creator of change — to help individual lives to change, and as a result, as more of us change and become creators of change, to see more impact in the world.

I invite you to join me on this path

There are many ways to join me.

Share what you are doing now to create change in your life and the world — in a comment below, or email me. Let’s inspire and support one another!

Join my weekly Creators of Change calls and (and check the resources on that page) to help bring change to systemic racism and social injustice.

And if you feel inspired to make meaningful change in your life — or take bigger steps — with guidance, schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas about what’s in your way now and all that is possible for you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Small mindset adjustments that work wonders

I speak to women every day about what’s getting in the way for them, and the impact of the stories and limiting beliefs that hold them back.

Of course, I am not a stranger to this territory! Even after years of focusing on personal development and experiencing big personal growth, old entrenched, negative thoughts like that can return. They usually show up when I am about to step up to do something new, something bigger, and often when I’m about to venture into the unknown. (Does that sound familiar?)

I am fortunate that, with awareness and practice, I am usually able to quickly spot these stories and the return of those old beliefs that no longer serve me. 

What I do next is the what makes all the difference. 

I remind myself that my mindset — which I can consciously pay attention to — is the key to shifting back into my power. 

I consciously shift my thoughts. And you can do this, too.

Will you be able to read this post and make a huge shift all at once?

Probably not.

But start small, start now, and you will get the feel for how this works. Stick with this focus, and I predict that you will notice lots of positives changes.

3 simple mindset shifts you can use as needed 

1. When you sink into doubt...

We all experience doubt. It’s often related to a lack of confidence, and may be rooted in a lack of belief that something is even possible. This leads to feeling demoralized.

Turning doubt into confidence is a topic I work on with my clients, and that I teach in full-day workshops. But, here’s one way to shift your mindset when doubt creeps in.

You can build belief in yourself and in what is possible when you remind yourself of big, brave things you have done in the past.

Acknowledge yourself for that resourcefulness and resilience. That positive self-talk, filled with self-appreciation, will help you to step into something new, rather than shrinking back in doubt.

2. When you feel like the world is treating you unfairly...

Feeling like a victim may strike from time to time or can become a habit. It’s a way we shift responsibility for our lives to external forces, or other people. 

Again, this is a big topic, with no quick fixes. But when you consciously choose to own your power, and believe that you can be a creator in your life, and of your life, you are shifting to a new orientation. 

As you begin to choose what you want to create in every moment, and make deliberate choices, you will experience a feeling of agency — and that’s a great feeling. 

Even when you are creating very small positive steps, you’ll begin to feel differently about what is possible. 

3. When you feel impatient with yourself...

Impatience is often tied to self-criticism. Who has not thought to themselves, “Why can’t I do this faster, or better?” or, “I should have this all figured out already!”

Learning to manage your self-critic is big work, and the self-critic attempts to sabotage us in many ways. But there’s a mindset shift that you can use any time that will help a lot.

Watch the words you use — to others, and to yourself! Your self-talk has an incredible impact, so paying attention to that is important.

A simple and really effective shift is to add the word “yet” to the end of any sentence that expresses impatience.

For example, instead of saying, “I haven't been able to figure this out,” say, “I haven't been able to figure this out yet.” 

The addition of that simple word opens possibility and brings a sense of positivity.

Try this bonus tip, too

While we are on the subject of watching the words we use, try to consciously eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary. (Did you notice it in the example I shared at the top of tip #3?)

When you pay attention, you are likely to hear yourself using this damaging word (that your self-critic loves to throw at you) in lots of situations. By making the “all-purpose” mindset shift to remove the word “should,” you are sure to notice how things change for the better. 

Depending on where and how it shows up, you can replace “should” with ”I can...” or “I could...” or “I’d like to...” or even change the sentence to a question, like, “Do I want to...?” 

And if you want help to explore how you can make bigger shifts in your mindset and start to powerfully create the big life you yearn for, schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas about what’s in your way now and what’s possible for you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Green lights and speed bumps

Last week I asked you about your big dream and what you yearn to bring into the world.

I asked what really matters to you and what you yearn to create.

Whether you want to have a bigger impact with your work, want to build stronger relationships, pursue a passion, create more balance and and ramp up self-care, express yourself creatively, or work for a better world, there is no end to what is possible.

And, of course, you may want to make a combination of desires your focus.

Start with clarity and then say, “Yes!”

It's great to get clear about what’s important to you and what you want to create in your life. Start by setting aside time to think that through. (After all, you don’t want to set out on a journey without a destination.)

But intentions are not enough. 

Committing to taking action and then getting into motion is where the proverbial rubber meets the road. 

Lots of people wait for a sign before they begin. Or they wait for permission, or wait until they have complete clarity, or wait for the “perfect time” to start taking action. 

And while waiting for a light to turn green is important at an intersection, you get to give yourself a green light.

Embrace the potholes and detours!

Is it easy to embark on new initiatives? Do you feel a bit nervous?

When you start down a new road there are always questions. And often some butterflies in our stomachs (or real nerves). These are signs that you are stepping into something that's a bit of a stretch, outside of your comfort zone — and that’s good!

And lots of people feel they need to head for a superhighway and hit the gas, and that speed is required to reach the destination.

The truth is that just starting is a big deal, and taking winding side roads may be the perfect route and pace for you. 

Continuing to move forward is the key.

You will likely hit speed bumps. You may have to swerve to avoid potholes. You may need to recalcuate your route from time to time. 

If your path is anything like mine has been, you may need to double-back and spiral in before you get to where you want to be.

All of that is fine. 

Those recalculations are often valuable opportunities to pause and learn. You get to notice what’s appearing on the journey and find inspiration and new perspectives. You get to create new routes, and can invite new people to join you on your travels.

Savor the adventure

Embarking on this kind of big life journey is exciting. It’s great to start on a shorter trip now, to get ready for what will be your next journey. Or maybe you are ready to head out on a sustained road trip.

No matter the plan, when you head down this road, soak it all in. Continue to let your desire, intuition, and what you learn along the way be your compass. 

You are creating your life. 

You are creating an amazing future. 

You are bringing all of your greatness into a world that needs every bit of it!

And if you think that having a guide to help you set your course and navigate through all of the twists and turns may make your journey easier and smoother, let’s talk.

You can schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call to explore the journey you are thinking about and how to get started. I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What’s your big dream?

What’s the big dream you yearn to bring into the world?

I spent 4 days last week at a retreat that charged me up! I shared a powerful virtual experience with a group of people who are inspired and passionate about the impact they want to have in the world.

I could not have been in a better place. 

Because I have a big mission: to unleash the untapped creative capacity inside people everywhere, so they bring all of their greatness into the world.

What matters to you?

What do you yearn to create? 

Do you want to have a bigger impact with your work? That might mean reaching for the next level, or showing up in a bigger way in your role now. It might mean starting your own venture. It might mean getting more involved with industry associations.

Do you want to create or build stronger or new relationships? Maybe a relationship in your life has to end for you to move forward?

Do you want to pursue a passion?

Do you want to be of service in new ways?

Do you want to create more balance and room for self-care, so you have a stronger foundation for pursuing other dreams?

Do you have a desire to express yourself creatively? Is there a book inside of you that’s ready to be written, or do you want to make art or music? Maybe you yearn to become a pastry chef. Maybe you know it’s time to take the stage and share your ideas.

Do you want to work for a better world? There is no end to what is possible.

We always have the opportunity to create!

Yes, these have been — and continue to be — challenging times. But we can take bold steps in any environment. The time is now to move into our best futures.

Some of us can create in bigger and bolder ways now than others. Even the smallest creative steps count! And, they add up. 

The world needs all of your greatness!

Are you ready to have a bigger impact?

Contact me and tell me what you are inspired to create in your life. You can leave a comment here, too. I’m eager to hear what your heart yearns for.

I also welcome you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, to explore the dreams you have, what’s possible, and how to get started making your dreams a reality. (I promise you’ll gain valuable insights and ideas.) 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Action is the answer

People are looking for lots of answers these days.

Life has been anything but “normal” the last few months. And the last weeks have been extraordinary.

Our personal lives and work, even in the best of times, call on us to address change, deal with challenges, look for opportunities and be resilient.

Add in the pandemic, and we’ve had to make major adjustments in our daily lives, face economic impact and hardships, and confront societal disruptions.

And then came an emergence of urgency to address structural racial injustice.

All of this is unlike what most of us have ever had to address, and the confluence of factors we’re dealing with in a remarkably compressed timeframe is huge.

Of course it all feels big. Because it is big.

It’s natural to want a quick return to “normal” and look for quick fixes for everything that’s hard.  

It’s natural to feel an impulse to pull the covers over our heads. 

That’s what happens when it all feels like too much. We can feel powerless.

Action is the antidote — but not just any action

The key is to choose to act with purpose. 

If you frantically start “doing” without thought, or take action that is merely a distraction (ie scroll through your phone, or scrub away at the crevices in your sink), you will not reap these benefits.

Here is why action with intention works so well. 

Action is a great antidote to fear.

Fear is unable to take the reins when you are in action. 

Taking action gives you agency in your life.

When in action, you have some control, which makes you feel good. You make choices and you pursue them, which puts you in the driver’s seat.

When you take action, you demonstrate ability.

Even taking imperfect action (that I always encourage!) and taking small steps (also always great!) shows you what you can do. You build momentum, confidence and satisfaction.

What action will you take today?

If you feel stuck, or if you feel overwhelmed with possibilities, take a bit of time to make a decision about the action to take — and then start. 

Your action may be related to your work, your health, a deadline, a desire, or more than one category. 

I’d be happy to hear about the action you take in your life. Leave a comment, or send me an email to let me know.

And if you want to take action to help end racism, I welcome you to join my new initiative, Creators of Change.

My recent blog posts, We Must Become Creators of Change, and Do You Hear the Call? will fill you in about this new effort. 

And last Thursday, we had our first Creators of Change Zoom call. 

There was tremendous engagement and a rich conversation. I am inspired by all of the people (including some who were unable to be on the call) who have committed to taking action to turn the tide on this huge problem in our society.

It’s worth noting that the commitments of those in the group are varied, in both scope and focus. And that’s fine. It’s the collective impact of all of the small action that will make a difference!

There are lots of ideas and resources available.

My Creators of Change Resource page has a growing list of information for educating ourselves, great organizations to consider supporting, art and literature (for kids as well as adults), and inspiration, too. 

Please contact me to suggest additional resources, as I am eager to expand the list. And, please share the resources with your networks.

Join the conversation!

The next Creators of Change call will be on Thursday, June 18, 8:30 am eastern. All are welcome — and please invite others in your networks, too!

Register here to join us.

And if you want to talk about taking more or different action in your life, or other challenges you may be facing, hit reply and we can make a date for a Live Big Breakthrough Call.

I promise that you will gain insights about what is limiting you, as well as what is possible in your life and work. This first step may be the most important action you take today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

We must become creators of change

My heart aches. It has ached this way for a long time. 

For so many innocent people who are brutalized and senselessly killed for nothing more than the color of their skin. 

For injustice that has persisted for centuries and runs horribly deep. 

For the countless people in our country whose lives are in peril every day, who live in fear, who are sick, who are impoverished, and who are so often grieving. 

For the terrible division in our country, and knowing that so many people tolerate injustice. 

There is no reason for any of this other than hatred. I cannot accept hatred as normal. It is not normal. It never has been. It is wrong.

We cannot be silent. 
We must not be silent.

We can be creators of change.

Together, we can be a powerful collective force for change.

Will you join me?

Will you take action and be a leader in a movement to create change?

Will you be heard, and be seen?

Will you channel all of your emotion into creating change?

Because if we don’t do something new, nothing will change. 

I have wrung my hands and cried tears so many times in the past. I have taken some action, but not enough.

Now is the time for bold collective action.

We must elect leaders who will work for the change that is needed — from the local level to the top. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must support programs that will help now, like donating to non-profits that provide bail money (this is one in Massachusetts), and there are many others you can look for. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must support programs that will have long-term impact, such as the ACLU, programs to end police violence, enrichment programs for inner-city youth, education programs focused on tolerance, job training, and more. 
Will you commit to ACT?

We must act now, and act with love.

And, we can have our biggest impact if we act in concert.

What action — big or small (because a lot of small action adds up!) — can you take to start a bigger movement? A movement of the privileged and the oppressed. A movement fueled by love and not hate.

Let me know what you are already doing, and what you want to do. 

Let me know what resources you have found.

Let me know about ideas you create and new actions you take.

I want to be a force multiplier.

In a week or two, I will create a Zoom call for those of us who are committed to taking action. On this call we’ll have a conversation where we can share our ideas and connect pods of activity.

Together, we can have an impact. 

When of all of us are taking some action — and inspiring others to do so, too — we can create desperately needed change in our communities, our country and the world. 

Let me hear from you about how you want to be a creator of change — or leave a comment here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big impact of one small thing

Each new week brings change, as life and work slowly evolve.

It may not feel like much is changing, but each small shift — around us and for us — calls on us to adjust anew.

I hear about a range of experiences in my conversations with clients, colleagues and the women on my Saturday Zoom calls.

Some have found a new rhythm that feels great. Some were doing well and then hit a rough spot. Some are anticipating likely changes with their work (positive for some, worrisome for others). Some are initiating significant personal changes.

Wherever you find yourself now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed at one point or another. Decisions, intentions, options to choose from, opportunities, deadlines — all of these can overwhelm us.

When you feel overwhelmed, try employing this simple yet powerful approach

I recently spoke to a great women who is facing a mountain of things that need to get done. Still healing from a broken arm, she needs to sort through years of belongings and prepare a house for sale. She is also seeking a new apartment. And, she is eager to pursue promising new work opportunities. 

After telling me all of that she started describing her big 5-year vision.

It’s no wonder she reported feeling overwhelmed! 

She was frustrated about not doing “enough,” concerned about getting everything done, and worried about how she’d move toward her beautiful big vision.

As I listened I knew there was a simple suggestion I could make. It has worked for me, and for many of my clients when overwhelm has started to take over.

Focus on doing one thing each day

If you are a “doer” by nature (and perhaps you pride yourself on being a multi-tasker), you may be thinking that such a simple approach is too simple, and will be counter-effective. It sounds like it will make it take longer to get things done. 

Here’s why this works so well.

1. It feels doable.  

It doesn't feel daunting if you just need to chose and take one action as you start your day. 

How often do many of us feel stuck when we feel overwhelmed? Or, we get busy with tasks like doing laundry or scrubbing the sink, or fritter away time in avoidance. Or we jump in frenetically and get splattered, so nothing gets done well. By choosing to do one thing, we can avoid all of these pitfalls.

2. You are focused.  

When one action is all you “need” to do, your attention is not pulled in multiple directions. The results are always better when our attention is fully focused. And the speed with which good things happen when we slow down and focus like this can be impressive.

3. Momentum builds.  

Once you are in action, you feel great and you are are likely to take more action. So, you may continue with that one thing, or shift to a new thing as you keep going.

4. You get a positive emotional hit of accomplishment.  

The feeling of making progress is a huge boost. And when enthusiasm builds, new ideas and more motivation emerge.

5. You set off a positive cycle.  

Good energy keeps things moving, and if you are like the woman I mentioned, you will be delighted at how much is getting accomplished and how great it feels. You, like she, are likely to start each day feeling upbeat and able to move through that one thing — and often more!

We have so much opportunity — today and every day.

Not only can we avail ourselves of opportunities all around us, we can face new challenges as they come up, and we can create in remarkable ways. It all begins with our state of mind.

Just as the woman I described has done, you can harness your energy as you start each day. Focus on one thing, and do it! You are likely to see big results, as she has.

Let me know if this is something you have tried. And if you use this approach for the first time, I’d love to hear how it works for you. Hit reply and let me know. 

Here are 3 ways to get more ideas and more support

1. Check out the growing list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. 

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 30 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to cope, stay inspired, and take action. Register for the next call. 

3. Let’s hop on a Live Big Breakthrough Call and talk about what’s standing between you and your biggest desires. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call — and if the fit feels good we can talk about what coaching could look like in your life. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

How to live big each day

We are starting to see small shifts happening around us. Things are “opening up” in different ways in various places, and at different paces. 

How are you being impacted now?

What do you foresee changing for you?

As you consider these questions, consider that each day — no matter where you live and what your circumstances — you can ask yourself two more questions. They that will help you make the most of your day, and the most of your life!

Two powerful questions to ask yourself each day

If you have my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life, you know that it is divided into two sections. The first 10 chapters are about the being of living big. The other 10 chapters are about the doing of living big.

Why?

Because we are human beings, and we spend way more time doing, than being. And living big starts with our state of being.

Question 1: “Who do I need to be today?”

When you consider who you need to be to step into your day and have it be the best day possible, you orient yourself to the way you want to live your day.

For example, if you have been feeling sluggish, or stuck, you may want to feel more free and get your spirit soaring.

Or, if you have been frantically trying to keep up with work, childcare, and everyday tasks that drain you, you may need to slow down and find stillness, to allow space for reflection, ease, and self-care.

Other possibilities for the focus you may want to bring to your state of being include: living in the present, loving more, being true to your heart, living without fear, aligning with your purpose, cultivating patience, being grateful, and seeing wonder around you.

Each of these will have a meaningful impact on your well-being.

Question 2: “What do I most need to do today?”

In addition to your state of being, focus on the action you want to take, and how you will do it. That’s where the doing of living big can be considered.

You may realize that you will benefit from listening more clearly for the signals from your intuition.

You may decide that actively creating will charge your imagination and provide you with energy that will be a game-changer. 

Today may be the day for you to speak your truth, or tap more of your passion, or live boldly — even in a quiet way.

Or, it may be a day for you to embrace change, play more, find your way through confusion, or be resilient.

Today you may choose to focus on charting your path to move into the future. 

All of these ways to take action are essential to living big, and you can develop your abilities to do all of them.

Small steps make a big difference

If you feel unsure how to get started opening the states of being and doing you feel called to bring into your day, Live Big is filled with exercises and practices to help you. 

Just asking yourself these questions, and stepping into the exploration of these ways of living — one small step at a time — is a great start.

Living big is a practice. It’s a life-long journey of growth and expansion. And each step on the journey is a step of expansion.

Because life is always changing — whether change comes quickly, as it did around the world weeks back, or things slowly unfold, as they are doing now.

And every day of your life offers you the opportunity to live big.

When you want support, here are 3 ways to get it

1. Check out the list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. All of the tools and ideas have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 23 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call. 

3. And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Are you ready for what’s next?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reading lots of new posts that are focused on “emerging” and “restarting.”

Maybe we are at a moment where things will start to “open up.” And...

What that will look like — depending on where you live, and the way it’s handled, and if we will find ourselves knocked back again — is a big unknown.

As an optimist, I always focus on the positive. And still, this is a time for taking a clear look at where we are, what may be coming, and how to navigate now.

That’s because we are faced with a force of biology and nature that’s unlike anything we have experienced before. There are too many variables and possibilities to know what lies just ahead (much less what’s coming farther down the road).

So, having lived through weeks of isolation and facing so much uncertainty, what can you do now?

1. Start by assessing your current state

Most of us have used the weeks since enforced social distancing as a time to consider how we can live our best lives despite remarkable limitations. 

Some have struggled, some have had ups and downs. 

Some have found new ways to find well-being — both emotionally and physically — while others are still looking for what they need to feel grounded and balanced and healthy.

We all have different challenges — from isolation and loneliness, to juggling childcare and work, to caring for elderly loved ones at a distance, to finding our financial well-being overturned, to health challenges, to having to respond or provide services in new ways in our businesses, to grief, and more. 

I doubt that any of us moving through this time have been unaffected or unchanged.

So, how are you doing now?

2. Sustain your foundation — or shore it up

The only thing we know for sure is that there’s uncertainty ahead. 

If you have adjusted and feel you have solid footing, this is the time to sustain it. That means maintaining a commitment to yourself and the routines that are working. And, it means staying open and creative in your thinking, so that you can modify as you find new and better ways to support yourself, or find yourself needing to adapt to changes.

For most of us, living well continues to be a work in progress. And, that's ok. This is a perfect time to shore up your foundation.

3. Put your best resource to work.

What’s the greatest resource, that’s available to all of us, no matter how you have assessed your current state?

Creativity

And if you are wondering how to start ramping up your creativity, it’s easier than you may think.

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while you have heard me say that a key to opening your creative channels is to start by bolstering self-love.

Here are some simple ways to give yourself a little self-love pep talk.

• Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person, and are deserving of goodness, happiness and abundance.

• Remind yourself that you have a wealth of gifts to share. 

• Remind yourself that you have overcome challenges before and can again. 

Next, ask yourself questions like these:

• What self-care do I need to focus on now?

• Who can I turn to for help and support?

• How can I think differently?

• How can I serve in new ways?

• What would bring more happiness into my life?

• What's possible that I have not explored?

• Where are there opportunities now?

• How can I look at things from a new angle or perspective?

• How might I pivot?

• What matters most to me now? What one small thing can I do to make it happen, or do more of it?

All of these questions put you into a creative mindset. They open your creative thinking, and as a byproduct, they lift your spirits. 

You might write for 5 or 10 minutes as you answer each of the questions that calls to you — and you might add more questions as your intuition and curiosity get into gear.

And, to really amplify the process, start a creative practice, or do more that’s creatively expressive. Doodle, sing, cook, garden, write poems, play music, knit, build something, paint, quilt, dance — whatever you enjoy creating will give you a big emotional lift, and that lift will make everything in your life better.  

Once you adopt a creative mindset, and ramp up creative expression, you will be amazed at the impact they have. And as you move into the future you will have the resources you need to continue creating your best life. 

Are you ready for support?

I continue to provide a range of ways to support you.

The list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website continues to grow. All of the tools and ideas, that can help you as you navigate this time, have been shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 16 at 3:00pm eastern. Join in for another intimate conversation with women from all over the country, when we connect, share, and learn new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want one-on-one coaching support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper, life-changing coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call, whether you choose to embark on coaching or not. Here’s how to schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Can you take this word out of your vocabulary?

In many recent conversations I’ve heard people use a word that I learned, long ago, to remove from my vocabulary. We all use it (and, yes, I still slip up from time to time). And, we’d all be doing much better if we could banish it.

The word? 

SHOULD

This is a loaded word. A word your self-critic loves to use to bombard you. A word you can live without. Because when you are aware and start to shift your self-talk to eliminate the “shoulds,” your life will get so much better.

I know that sounds like a grand promise.

Can changing one word do that much?

Yes. And here’s why.

When you layer “should” upon “should” on yourself, you are constantly feeding yourself negativity and criticism. You’re heaping self-judgement on yourself. 

You are often comparing yourself to others — or some ideal — and in the process you feel awful that you haven’t measured up. 

And that takes a toll.

Some of the shoulds I have been hearing lately include:

• I should be decluttering, like everyone else.

• I should be doing yoga every day, or taking hour-long walks.

• I should be applying for the new job I was starting to look for just before all this started.

• I should be doing something creative, but when I pull out art materials I can’t get myself to start.

• Baking? Who has time for baking? But everyone else's family is doing it...

• I should be getting ready for bed earlier... And meditating... And journaling...

• I should be volunteering. There are so many people who need help.

• I should be working on new ideas for my business, and implementing new initiatives now.

• What’s wrong with me? I should be coping better than I am.

You get the point. Maybe you see your “shoulds” on this list, or are adding yours.

If you’re a “should-er,” this is a perfect time to change your self-talk.

Try using these three steps:

1. Notice

Change begins with this crucial step: aim to catch yourself when you are “should-ing” yourself. With attention and practice, the “shoulds” get easy to spot in the moment.

2. Reframe

This step takes practice. This is when you pause and reframe the “should” thought when you notice it. Here’s an example of how you might do that.

When a thought shows up like: “I should be able to get this to-do list all checked off today,” you could re-phrase it as: “I will start doing the most important item on my list and see if I can finish that in the next hour. I’ll continue from there.”

Or, you might rephrase it this way: “Since I was up during the night with my child who couldn’t sleep, it’s ok if I just start with the first important task and reassess my energy levels for continuing after an hour.”

3. Be gentle with yourself

If someone or something needs attention — it could be an elderly parent dialing you up, a child who wakes up early from a nap, an unexpected email from a colleague, or just that you realize you are not able to focus on the matter at hand — the task you planned on will take longer, or it may need to be deferred. 

That’s ok. There’s a lot happening now that is not like “life was before,” and berating yourself will only make things harder.

This is an important time to be gentle with yourself and practice self-love. (You may want to read an older post about self-love, for specific ways to do that.)

And, as you are able to make progress — even small progress counts! —acknowledge yourself. Appreciate that you embarked on or completed a task, or started developing a new idea, or helped someone, or just made it through the day with more ease.

What would make you smile and feel good about something like that? What small treat can you give yourself? Have fun thinking of ways to acknowledge every small step on this path.

I am here to support you in several ways.

As the weeks of disruption continue, you may be finding that you need new responses.

I have been adding resources and ideas to the Thriving Now page on my website that can help you as you navigate this time. The page is filled with tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 9 at 3:00pm eastern. In these intimate conversations, women from all over the country have been connecting, sharing, and learning new ways to both cope and stay inspired. You can register here for the next call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 2 spots on my calendar this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. It’s been wonderful supporting the women who have scheduled these calls already. Access my calendar to schedule your session.*

And, to get clear about what’s in the way for you and talk about what it can look like to get deeper coaching support, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. Here’s where to do that.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big mindset lesson I did not see coming

Our mindset is always crucially important, and it’s never been more important than it is now.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I advocate for creating as a key way to live well. My mission is to help people to adopt the mindset of being creators in their lives, rather than letting life happen to them.

And, I advocate for the benefits of finding ways to create expressively. When you express yourself through any creative effort, you can “offload” troubling emotion, get into a state of flow and positivity, and elevate great emotions.

My original plan for this article was to talk about how you can tune in to your intuition, and why that’s something valuable to learn and practice now.

But I am taking a detour.

I want to share something personal, that has proven to be big for me this week. 

In this time of living through major disruption, when so much has shifted and so many are struggling, my creative practice has amazed me. I have loved the time I’ve set aside to paint the last four years. But in the last two months it has become more important than I ever expected.

I want to share what’s happened in my life in the last weeks.

I have been studying painting at the SMFA since 2016. I take one class each semester, on Monday nights. And, I nearly always spend a couple of hours painting on the Sunday before my class.

It’s a relatively small time commitment, but it’s been a meaningful and important part of my life.

And then the pandemic hit.

Tufts closed and we shifted to online classes — which is super-challenging for a studio class! Fortunately, I had set up a dedicated small painting studio in my home last summer, so I had a place for all of my materials and the canvases that had been at school.

And, my life got busier than ever in the last eight weeks. I was no longer making time on Sundays to paint. But I did paint on Monday evenings, and what started to happen in that time has been more profound than I ever could have imagined.

The world changed and my art changed.

My abstract paintings have always been rooted in emotion, in making visual what I am feeling. And while I have been safe, healthy and secure, and gratified to be able to support so many people during this stressful time, I thought I was pretty grounded. 

But I can see now that I was unaware of how my mindset was being tested.

Standing in front of my easel these last weeks, and letting all of my emotion come forward, has connected me to a lot of tough stuff that I’d had glimpses of, but had not fully acknowledged. And that unacknowledged deep emotion was interfering with my well-being.

I am concerned about my elderly parents. I am concerned about family members in frail health. I am concerned about policy makers who have increased the scope and danger of the epidemic for our society and continue to fail us in so many ways. I am disturbed by how many people are in peril — front-line workers, those who are ill with the virus, people who are in dire financial straits, people around the world who were in peril before all of this, and are in greater danger now. I could go on and on. 

That deep emotion sat like an undercurrent, disturbing my sleep, my digestion and making me feel subtly uneasy. It would not sit quietly under the surface when I was in the studio. It insisted on being fully felt. And I let it be the fuel for my work.

I am letting myself feel it all.  

Each time I have painted over the last weeks has been wrenching. Something inside has opened up each time I’ve stepped into my studio — my sacred space for feeling it all.

My heart has ached. Tears have run down my face. In fact, just writing this is making me emotional. 

And I let it all come, without trying to make “beautiful paintings.” My amazing teacher, Elaine Spatz-Rabinowitz, and my dear classmates (all on Zoom now) have been remarkably supportive. Yes, they said — make it ugly. Yes, be raw.

And magic has happened. 

It has felt so liberating to allow myself to paint the ugly and raw emotions that have been sitting just under the surface. And, remarkably, what has come through me onto the canvas is one painting in particular, titled In the Unknown, that I completed last Monday. I have never painted anything like this before. My feelings are coming through in new and different ways.

I have lightened the burden on my heart through the process of creating, each time I show up in my studio. And, I hope that my expressions of this deep emotion will touch someone, somewhere, and help them to feel what they may have bottled up or pushed aside.

This time will not last forever. We will move forward.

Some things will be the same after this. Many things will have shifted. And we will adapt and adjust.

But what I have learned in my studio will stay with me. I will hold the knowing that when I create, I connect to all of myself and I give myself these two big gifts — the gift of awareness, and the gift of using and releasing the pain in my heart as I make it visible. 

Some people do this when they create with words. Some do it with dance. Some do it with music. Some do it with food, or fabrics, or sculpting, or building, or transforming their gardens, or enlightening those around them. Some turn to bright color and uplifting sounds and forms. Some need to be with their pain.

All who create give themselves a tremendous gift. 

I invite you explore this territory. 

I am here to support you.

The Thriving Now page on my website has a growing list of resources that can  can help you do just that — thrive. The tools and ideas have been shared in my ongoing, weekly Zoom calls.  

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, May 2 at 3:00pm eastern. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have 1 more spot on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls, and 2 spots are available next week. Access my calendar to schedule a session.*

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Our next opportunity to learn

As we are finding our way week by week, things shift. Some days are better than others for most of us. You may be experiencing some gradual adjustments.

We have many opportunities to learn, to pay attention, and to grow in this extraordinary time. 

Last week, I wrote about how important it is to attend to your emotions. If you missed that, check out the three steps I shared to do just that.

Today, I am focused on another key lesson we can learn now. It will support you as you move through this time of interruption, and will have a great impact for a lifetime of wellbeing.

Make great self-care your new normal 

Some of us are much better at creating time and space for self-care than others.

I have clients who are working out daily, or taking long walks rain or shine. (That's a work in progress for me!) Some are super-focused on healthy eating, while others are struggling to stay away from snacking on empty carbs. Some are feeling non-stop stress, and others find their emotions bouncing up and down.

Wherever you are on the continuum, consider these ways you can take good care of yourself. 

1. Put yourself on the calendar

Many of us talk a good game. We tell ourselves we’ll meditate every day, or take the time to cook healthy food, or exercise every morning. More often than not, we start strong for a couple days and then let things slide.

Setting an intention in our heads is one thing.

Making a date with yourself — complete with a block of non-negotiable time on your calendar — takes your intention to the next level.

It’s also helpful to tell someone what you intend to do. Yes, speak it out loud.

Perhaps that person will partner with you. You might ask them for support, so you can be accountable.

Acknowledge yourself for taking this first meaningful step!

2. Choose your self-care focus

There are so many ways you can consider bringing a bigger focus on self-care into your daily life. The key is to start with one or two things that feel most appealing to you. Consider these categories:

Sleep  Are you getting enough sleep? Is the quality of your sleep suffering? How can you adjust your bedtime routine so you ease into sleep and rest well?

Food  What will help you feel your best? More fresh produce? Learning to cook new things? Setting clear times for meals and healthy snacks?

Meditation  You may want to try using an app with guided meditations. You could try writing in a journal when you wake up each morning. Or, simply spend just a few quiet minutes each day sitting and breathing deeply.

Exercise  Do you love to walk? Do you want or need to do weight-training? Is yoga your go-to, or would you like to try it out? 

Time in nature  Spending time outdoors has huge benefits, whether you dig in a garden, walk in the woods, or just stroll down the street and notice the blooms on nearby trees.

Pampering yourself  Take time to soak in a tub, savor a delicious cup of tea, take an online museum tour, try making a soothing face mask, or light candles and listen to music. Any way you can give yourself a treat is great!

Creating  You knew I would include this, right? Bringing a favorite creative activity into your life on a regular basis is an excellent way to practice self-care. Sewing or needle-work, drawing, crafting, singing, playing an instrument, writing poetry, cooking, painting, gardening — they are all wonderful ways to create and express yourself. And try creating with others, as a way to care for yourself. Who can you invite for an art date, or to sing with you?

What other ideas can you think of to bring more self-care into your life?

3. Add in a new self-care practice, or change things up

Have fun with this. Experiment and see what you most enjoy, and what has the biggest benefit to you. 

Maybe you’ll have a regular weekend self-care ritual that is different from what you choose to do Monday through Friday.  

Whatever you choose, honor yourself for your commitment to a self-care practice.

And if you want to explore additional resources to help you now, check out my Thriving Now page. It includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on my growing list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls.  

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 25. Join me for this 8th weekend call. Women from all over the country have been coming to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. 

There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support — to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing — I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward, on an issue that you want to address now. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Talking about Living Big

I was delighted when Kevin Hallinan invited me to be a guest on his radio show, Winning Business — which is now also a podcast that’s widely available.

Keven is a great guy (and has an amazing radio voice!). He’s a sales expert and we’ve had conversations about how much coaching matters in his world, to ensure that sales people have a solid mindset that helps them succeed.

I really appreciated how thoroughly Kevin prepared for our conversation, and I so enjoyed being on the air with him. Some live questions were submitted during the broadcast, too, which were fun to answer.

Listen to our conversation here, and check out Kevin’s other podcast episodes, with interviews he’s has had with a range of interesting thought leaders.

What we can learn now

Week after week, we are all finding our way through this crisis.

Our experiences vary, of course, but this is not an easy time for any of us. Even those most fortunate — to have work, to be safe, to be healthy — struggle with uncertainty, fears, new demands and concerns that weigh on them. Those less fortunate have a far heavier burden.

As we are all challenged, we also have opportunities to learn, to take stock, to pay attention, and to grow.

Where to begin? I advocate for self care and many other important ways to support yourself, but today I want to share this fruitful starting place:

Attend to your emotions 

The difficult emotions we carry have weight. You may feel a heaviness on your shoulders or tightness in your chest. Your belly may be tender. Your jaw may tend to clench and your sleep is likely to be disrupted.

Most of us are accustomed to ignoring these signs, or pushing emotions like these aside as we rush through the demands of everyday life. 

You may be doing that now, or you may be in a slower mode and facing troubling emotion — lots of it — square in the eye. 

I’m happy to tell you that there are ways to loosen the grip of troubling emotions. You can also expand positive emotions. When you learn how, your burden will be eased.

1. Get clear

Start by writing down what you are feeling — all of it. 

What are you afraid of? What’s annoying you? Who are you lonely for? What do you miss the most? What’s making you angry?

And, what is making you happy? What are good things in your life now? What has surprised you? What do you look forward to? What do you want more of?

You won’t feel every emotion on your list every day, but having written all of it, you will be clearer and can move ahead.

2. Use your emotions as fuel 

Choose an emotion on your list that you want to clear. It could be worry, or sadness, or frustration.

Next, choose a way to create, where that emotion can be your focus, or fuel. Try as many of these as appeal to you. 

Draw — Aim to make the ugliest drawing you can to express your fear, or anger, or worry. You might draw a monster who embodies that emotion. You can fill the page with words you long to shout, big and small and overlapping. Cover the paper edge to edge, using crayons or pastels or markers. Put lots of energy into it! And feel the release.

Dance — Turn up the volume on any kind of music (loud and aggressive, opera, Motown, ballads) and move. Let you body respond and release, for as long as you want. Let the emotion move through you and out.

Write — You might compose a poem, write a letter to your emotion, invent a story, or simply free-write in a journal. Let anything show up on your page as you express your emotion. Then tuck the writing away and breathe in the space you created.

Dig in the garden — Getting outside is great, but even indoor gardening is a way you can work through emotion and feel both satisfied and uplifted.

Cook — Use emotion to hack through vegetable prep, and then aim to create something surprising with the ingredients. Delight yourself as you experiment.

You can also choose an emotion on your list that you want to enhance.You can activate more of your good emotions using the same techniques listed above! Draw, dance, write, spend time in your garden or cook to expand the emotions that fill your heart, for more of that goodness!

3. Repeat as often as you need and want

Create any time there's emotion building that needs to be processed and transformed, or that you want to enhance. Experiment and see what works best for you, and explore other ways to create using emotion as fuel. 

Maybe working with your hands is special, and you enjoy needlework or crafts. Maybe you love to putter in a workshop and make or repair things. Maybe you’ll imagine starting a huge painting, that you can keep changing each time you need a place to process emotion. Maybe you will choose your camera as a creative tool to capture images that express your troubling emotion, to document this time of separation, or to lift your spirits.

Adding a small amount of creative expression each day (that you can tuck in even when life gets very busy) will improve your wellbeing. 

This is one big way you can move into what will come after the pandemic stronger, more resilient, and better positioned to create a bright future.

If you want to explore a long list of resources to help you now, I have one for you on my website. Thriving Now includes many ways you can do just that — thrive!  

All of the things on the list are tools that I and others have shared in my weekly Zoom calls. They will help you during this unique time, and long after we have moved through it. 

I am here to support you.

My next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call will be on Saturday, April 18. Join me for this 7th weekend call, when women from all over the country will again come together to connect, share, learn new ways to navigate in these challenging times, and stay inspired. There’s a link to register for the call on the Thriving Now page, or you can register here for the call.

If you want some one-on-one support, I have opened 2 more spots on my calendar for this week for free 30-minute Creating My Way coaching calls. Access my calendar to schedule a session.

And, for deeper support, to blast through a personal or business matter you are facing, I have created special Create Your Way Forward Sprint Sessions. This kind of deeply focused support can propel you forward now, on an issue that you want to address. I’d be glad to share the details with you. 

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.